


Inevitable

by Etoilenoire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Harry, Blogger Louis, Bottom Louis, Complete, Ex-Friends With Benefits, F/M, Flatmates-AU, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Louis is so sad, Louis-centric, M/M, Miscommunication, OT5 Friendship, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Past Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Pining Louis, Rewrite, Sad Louis, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Harry, Unrequited Love, this is a very angsty fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 185,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etoilenoire/pseuds/Etoilenoire
Summary: Falling for his best friend was possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to Louis. Especially when they made a promise not to do so, but Louis couldn't seem to keep it from happening. Ending up with a broken heart when Harry suddenly turns up to be in a relationship overnight.-AU where Louis and Harry used to be more than friends, but everything had to change the day Harry introduces Louis to his new girlfriend.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is basically a re-edition of my old fic Inevitable. I'm slowly working on this, but things are going to be much different this time around! I've got a wonderful beta helping me :) @ishiplouis, who also helped me with Underneath It All. Much thanks to her! But any who, I hope you like the new version.
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**Two years ago**

Best mates were supposed to be supportive, trustworthy, and overall good company. Someone you could be yourself around and be completely honest with. Not someone you should ever, _ever_ slept with.

But, sometimes things didn’t always go according to the plan…

As for Louis, most nights were spent pressed down in his silky sheets with love bites decorating his skin. Breathless and aching for more. Desperate for another round because he wanted to feel close to his best mate. Not wanting to let him go and be able to wake up next to him.

“Oh fuck...” Louis whimpered out breathily when he sunken down on Harry’s cock. Hand pressed firmly against Harry’s chest as he pulled along. Feeling hazy and his blood boiling with those burning hands on his skin. Louis was fucked out it, literally. Desperate for more and yet, wanting to savour the moment. Because he was so pathetically moonstruck with that boy below him and it was sickening.

Louis hated being in love with his best friend who was beyond unattainable because they made a promise of no feelings. That this _special relationship_ started because Louis was devastated with a broken heart. And nicely, Harry swooped in to pick up the pieces. At first, he was there to console him through his breakup, and they spent a lot of time together. Probably _too much_ time. From the many nights spent binge watching films and lounging around all day, doing absolutely nothing. At some point, one of those nights ended up taking a different turn for their friendship. It was bound to happen at one point anyway seeing how Louis was being with Harry.

They slept together.

Louis at the time was just so desperate and vulnerable. He just needed something, _anything_ to help him move on from his ex-boyfriend. Dating had been off the table. Louis couldn't endure another heartbreak again like that.

Which was why he never thought it’d be possible because Louis didn’t know he was going to _fall_ for Harry as he got over his ex. It was what Louis called his biggest mistake ever. Too many things could go wrong as it was a risky move for their friendship. But he thought maybe there was a chance. They’ve been at this for a little over a year now, friends with benefits. It had been amazing sneaking around and keeping it between them. Given, it had been a challenge since they lived together and their other flatmate was Niall who thankfully worked a lot of late shifts as he was a barman. But still challenging when Niall came home early and tried to barge into Harry’s room because he was up for a late night chat.

They’ve had a few scares, but never came close to anyone finding them in bed together.

But Louis wouldn’t trade any of this for the world. Their sex was simply amazing, probably the best Louis had ever had. _No_ , it was the best. Louis may have had limited experiences as his first time was not even four years ago and he had only ever been with one other guy. But it just felt better with Harry, and every time they kissed Louis’ heart skipped a beat.

It was almost pathetic because they both said no strings attached. All because they couldn’t seem to stop, it was like a burning passion that’d been under wraps for so long. Louis could almost recall the day when Harry kissed him feverishly. Louis was so sad because he seen that Sean had already moved on, in a relationship with one of the people, he cheated on Louis with. Harry did whatever he could that night, but nothing could cure how broken he felt. But then at one point, Harry kissed him while they were laying in bed talking and Louis reciprocated. There were hands everywhere, and all Louis remembered for the first time was that he didn’t think about Sean. About his crying heart because he had Harry on him, fucking the sadness right out of him.

Since then, Louis kept up with it, they had come to a mutual agreement the morning after that they’d like to do that again. The sex. As long as no one found out because their mates would tease them to oblivion. Not wanting to make it feel so real.

So, from then on they’ve vowed to keep being best mates that sometimes have sex.

“Mm... just like that, babe.” Harry moaned as his fingertips dug into Louis’ hips. Biting his lip as his eyes were snapped closed. Louis wanted to lean down and kiss his stupidly beautiful face. Ride him all through the night because it felt too good and needing to feel Harry’s touch.

Louis let out these small noises as his blood buzzed through his veins. Heart beating like a drum when he wrapped his other hand around his own hard-on. The sounds coming from Harry were intoxicating, and Louis felt even more over the edge. Pumping his hand every time he pushed down onto the gorgeous boy beneath him. Feeling quite light headed when Harry’s dick hit him the right way and letting out a mewl. Harry’s nails scratched at his hips and Louis trembled when one of Harry’s warm palms slid up his torso, around the back of his neck. Harry’s eyes fluttered open, dazed, and needy pulling Louis down into a fervent kiss, pushing his tongue inside, and moaning into his mouth. Louis’ whole body felt on fire with the way they kissed. Rough and dirty. Louis lets go of his own cock and grabs hold of the wire headboard of the bed, his lone balancing act on Harry’s chest making him weak. Louis’ knuckles turned a shade of white, and his nails dug into the sweaty naked chest below him. Rolling his hips in a way that he knew Harry liked.

Louis was going to be so sore tomorrow, but damn. It’ll be worth it.

Then, Louis pulled off from Harry's lips, nearly shaking when Harry’s hand found his hip again, clasping, and thrusting up into Louis. His other hand found the headboard, holding on for dear life as Harry fucked up into him. Throaty moans that came from below Louis were intoxicating. His dick just pulsating and Louis wanted to reach down and get himself off. Wanting to come while the bed smacked against the bedroom wall repeatedly. Louis wanted to release all over Harry's chest and feel Harry’s fingertips bruise his skin. To feel Harry pulse inside him.

“I’m gonna-” Louis tried to warn in a whimper, but his body convulsed, streaking Harry’s chest and bits of his cheek. Nearly collapsing on top of Harry as his hands slipped from the headboard, clawing at the extra pillows on the messy bed. Their naked chests pressed together as Harry continued to pummel up into him and Louis was still trying to come down. Trembles just coursed through him when he felt Harry’s body going into spasms and his thrusts coming to a slow as he groaned into Louis’ neck.

They lay there breathless for a moment, Louis’ heart still banging in his chest, and the hand on the small of his back soothing him. Harry was no longer kissing him, but Louis could feel his warm breath fanning against the side of his throat. Louis didn’t want to move, wanting to stay entangled with Harry, not caring about the mess. Not giving a care because all Louis wanted was to feel close to his best mate.

Louis was so fucking in love, it was ridiculous. So fucking absurd that he was still messing around with Harry, but he couldn’t stop. Louis didn't think he could, and that was something that scared him because he knew whatever they had, had an expiration date even though it was not something he liked to think about. If one day Harry decided to end this, their special arrangement, Louis wouldn’t know what to do. Already been through enough, another heartbreak wasn’t something Louis could deal with. Especially with someone, he had always been so close with. Louis had hopes though, that eventually, they’d be more than friends.

But he didn’t want to press his luck and just see how things play out. Hopeful for the best.

“I think I don’t have another round in me, H.” Louis murmured out tiredly as he moved to lift himself up a little. Sleepiness starting to hit as he stared at Harry in the soft light of his small bedroom.

“Well, I mean you were quite needy tonight if you know what I mean.” Harry teased with a wink. Laughing and Louis thought he was the biggest fucking dork ever.

“Me?” Louis demanded, putting on a defensive face. “I beg to differ there mate, I’m not the one who came to my room desperate for attention.”

Harry scoffed playfully as Louis felt a gentle squeeze against his hip. “You could have said no...” Harry trailed off, a smirk across his face.

Then before Louis could muster up a clever comeback, Harry’s mouth found his, and Louis’ chest fluttered. One of Louis’ hand cradled Harry’s neck. Kissing him back slowly before Harry pulled back from the kiss with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You’re a dick.” Louis said fondly, the corners of his lips twitched upward. One of Harry’s hand were gone from Louis’ hip and pulling out of him. Louis bite back a pout as he moved to slowly sit up, Harry’s touching Louis’ thigh, gently rubbing, and it was not fair. Harry shouldn’t be allowed to be sweet to him and touch him because it made Louis feel so many things. Especially in a post-sex haze where Louis felt a closeness with him and longing for this all to become a reality.

Louis wanted to tell Harry he loved him.

“Can I stay tonight?” Harry offered in a whisper and Louis gave a small nod. Already having that plan in his head. Longingly gazing into Harry’s eyes for a moment because he could.

Louis reluctantly pulled off Harry and dipped down into the spot beside him. Watching Harry leave seconds later out Louis’ bedroom door. Louis just laid there, pulling the heavy blanket over his hips, carefully not to get the mess on his body all over his blanket. Not that it wasn’t soiled from their naked bodies or anything, but still. Louis had some decency.

After Harry popped back into the room and cleaned them up, they ended up in bed together. Shutting the lamp off on the nightstand entangled together with Louis’ head pressed against Harry’s chest and Louis’ hand flat against his stomach.

At first, sleepovers weren’t something that happened as it was something they agreed on that shouldn’t. At the time Louis didn’t care as long as he got off, but over the long months spending most nights in each other’s bed, it was inevitable. Overstaying their welcome and not realising just how dangerous that made things. Now, they didn’t sleep in the same bed all the time, but it had been happening more frequently for a couple weeks now. Harry had been asking him to stay or not leave Louis’ bed until he passes out. Almost as if he wanted to stay here with Louis on purpose, because maybe he feels the same way too.

For the rest of the night, Louis laid there in the warmness of Harry’s arms, unable to sleep. It was cold in his room tonight, and his feet were freezing. But having this guy beside him, that was like a beacon of heat had Louis frozen in place. For the life of him couldn’t help it when he thought about the moment when Harry would finally come to tell Louis that he loves him too. When he’ll kiss Louis with meaning and ask him to be his. Harry was everything Louis desperately wanted to have.

All the guys Louis had dated weren’t exactly good guys. His first boyfriend, Camden was an upright dickhead. Only cared about himself. As long as Camden had a fit boyfriend he could parade around with, it made himself look good. Then there was James, Branden, Aaron which all were bad decisions to get involved with. Then there was Sean, he was first guy Louis ever felt for once that maybe there are good guys out there. Louis was with him for five years, and that was the happiest he’d ever been.

Sean was everything, he was the first boy Louis had ever fallen in love with. They met at uni before Louis dropped out. It was at a party Louis attended with Harry and Niall. Of course, being pretty much ditched and ended up bumping into one of the hottest guys Louis had ever seen. Given then, Louis was single as ever and needed some form of distraction. So they talked all night, and Sean asked for his phone number. Then days passed, and they texted all day. Even met up to hang out and eventually it led to Sean asking Louis to be his boyfriend weeks later in his car, on a Friday night when it was pouring rain. Louis should have said no, he should have told Sean he’d think about it, but Louis was so smitten he couldn’t help it. So they dated, and it was amazing, he treated Louis so well. But, everything Louis believed in disappeared when he walked in on Sean with another guy in his bed, naked and dark coloured marks all over the other man’s neck. They were supposed to go costume shopping for Zayn's annual Halloween party, and Louis had gotten off his shift from the coffee shop a little early. But, instead, Louis just left his boyfriend’s flat with a broken heart. Louis didn’t like to think about that time in his life too much, it took him months to get over Sean. Harry was his savior in all of this and Louis was grateful.

Yet, the thing was Louis didn’t want to have these feelings replaced for someone else. All he wanted was to have sex and still be platonic. Harry helped him move on and got his mind off Sean, Louis even read up about it online. Friends with benefits had its advantages. Unfortunately catching feelings was something Louis skimmed over.

Louis wished he could go back to last year and smack himself round the head the morning after he slept with Harry. Scolding him for fucking his best mate, as they’ve been friends since their younger days thanks to their mum’s being best mates since their teenage years. Telling him not to do it again because it was only going to make things complicated. But even Louis knew he wouldn’t be able to listen to his own self.

At some point, Louis ended up pulling out of Harry’s arms as he grabbed his phone off the charger on the bedside table. Laying on his back and thumbing at the screen. His mobile illuminating his face as he swiped his finger, tapping on the Tumblr app. Louis needed to just vent. Tapping on the post button, then the text one because Louis was a fucking mess.

_In a perfect world, I wouldn’t be lying here, longing for someone I can’t have. To know if there’s a chance of a future here. To know if I wake H up and tell him how I feel. To apologize for falling for him because I couldn’t keep that promise. But apart of me is terrified because what if he gets freaked out? Shuns me from his life and no longer wants to be friends?_

_I can’t have that, I just can’t._

_He’s my best mate, and I’m scared that I'll lose him._

_-L_

Louis sighed. Feeling immensely better getting that off his chest and hoping some of his followers would get back to him. His Tumblr blog was his safe haven that no one in his life knew about. He kept it confidential, even before he had these weird feelings for Harry. Shit, Louis had signed up maybe three or four years ago because he was obsessed with American reality shows and various bands. Being in many fandoms and even writing a bit of fanfiction here and there. Eventually branching out and turning it into an aesthetic blog of black & white photography. Now it was just a hodgepodge of depressing unrequited love text posts and whatever struck his fancy. _Bluevelvet_ was practically Louis’ brain in a nutshell. So maybe Louis was a bit obsessed with Lana Del Rey at the time, and it wasn’t super original, but no else claimed it. Still, to this day, Louis found it fitting. It was his secret identity from the real world, and no one could take that from him.

After Louis shut off his phone and tossed it onto the nightstand, shifted on his side, and scooted closer towards the sleeping body beside him. Carefully lifting Harry’s arm to not wake him as he nestled back in his spot he once had. An arm slung across Harry’s waist and nestled his head against his chest.

Trying to soak in the moment because Louis knew come morning he’ll wake up to the reality that Harry wasn’t his.

And it chipped away at Louis’ already fragile heart.

*********

Few days later, Louis was swallowing down his beer while Liam was keeping him company.

Liam was talking about how he was utterly exhausted between his job at the gym (he was the assistant manager) and exams at uni. As he still had about a year to go. Studying veterinary science wasn’t exactly easy, so Louis heard from both Liam and Harry over the past few years. That was how Louis had actually met Liam, through Harry. They were both in the same course and year, at the University of Liverpool. Harry had told Louis that Liam and him would always sit next to each other and just got on real well. Eventually coming to a conclusion of having a study group and meeting up to go over projects together. Which meant Liam was coming over at least twice a week for two years straight. Befriending Niall and Louis through the process and at some point finally meeting his boyfriend, Zayn.

Louis remembered when he left the comforts of his mum’s home in Doncaster to attend school with his mates. Not wanting to be apart from them, unfortunately for Louis, he didn’t even make it half way through his second year of Accounting and Finance. All because Louis found himself unhappy and not exactly eager to go to class. So he left and took on more responsibility at work, he's a coffee barista. Louis didn’t even like coffee. It paid his part of the rent anyway.

It was funny how Louis had stayed in Liverpool all this time even though he had no justifiable reason to stay here.

“This conversation is literally going to put me to sleep.” Louis tiredly mocked as he brought his beer to his lips. Smirking against the rim when Liam gave him a look of disapproval.

“But you’re the one who asked me about uni, Louis!” Liam countered in defense as he crossed his arms.

“Yeah, but I didn't think you’d tell me _everything_. You must have really thought I’d enjoy hearing all about clinical rotations.”

Liam rolled his eyes, probably already regretting telling Louis about his uni life. Not that Louis would blame him, university wasn't Louis’ thing. “I never said anything about that, weren’t you even listening at all?”

Louis scoffed draining down the rest of his beer before he replied, “Of course I was. Just knew you'd bring it up eventually. You know to save your breath on something I couldn’t care less about that.” Liam furrowed his brows. “Don’t look so grumpy, you know it’s true.”

Liam was about to open his mouth when Zayn dropped into the chair beside Liam asking, “What’s true?”

“Oh nothing, you know Liam’s just going on about boring uni stuff. The usual.” Louis said coolly.

“That _you_ asked about.” Liam pointed out as he uncrossed his arms and took a sip of his beer. Then wrapping an arm around Zayn’s shoulders and Louis could see him pull Zayn a touch closer.

“I didn’t actually think you’d go into full on details, just the interesting stuff.” Louis explained, about ready to go get himself another drink. He could feel his buzz starting to wear off the longer he sat here and bickered with Liam. 

Liam heaved a sigh as he shook his head, downing more of his drink.

“Stop arguing like children, you two always do this,” Zayn scolded them both, his brows furrowed. “I swear you both love to get under each other's skin because it’s fun or something.”

“Well, maybe someone shouldn’t be so sensitive...” Louis muttered under his breath, knowing he sounded like a hypocrite. Quite the sensitive man himself, actually. But maybe not as bad as Liam. Yeah, definitely not like Liam.

“I swear to god Louis…” Liam threatened, and Louis just smirked feeling proud of himself. Liam always got too defensive, it was funny. But he was a good mate. They get on for the most part when they were not going back and forth with one another about trivial bullshit. They just had differences in opinions was all.

“Alright enough, no more of this. We came here to drink, not be hostile towards one another, alright?” Zayn stressed as he gave a passing glance to Louis before landing on Liam, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Louis could hear Zayn mutter out, “It’s not a big deal, Li.”

Louis wanted to chime in and poke the bear a little more because it was all good fun. Louis would never purposely want to make Liam feel bad or anyone for the matter, so he knew when enough was enough.

Suddenly, Louis heard the chair beside him screeching and a body popping down into the seat. Another beer was placed in front of Louis as he flicked his gaze towards Niall, what was this?

Niall never, _ever_ got anyone drinks. At least not for free. He wanted something.

“Are you actually being generous for once or is there something I can help you with, Nialler?” Louis inquired.

Niall was a good mate and always great company. Another one of Louis’ close friends he had known practically all his life. But Louis knew Niall enough to know there was always motive behind certain things, especially when it meant him doing something nice for you, for free.

“Eh, not quite. Just thought you could use a spare.” Niall stated as if were no big deal, but the wheels in Louis’ head started to turn. Taking a glance over his shoulder as his eyes honed in on the twenty-something heartthrob behind the bar. Barrel-chested and brawny, with dow eyes and a charming smile. No wonder Niall was gone forever.

Louis just shook his head and gazed at Niall. “You’re such a shit liar, you know. Too busy flirting with Donovan again?” Niall must have had been in a lust induced coma to realize he’d ordered another drink to stall. “I mean I’m not shocked since you’ve been drooling over him for months now.”

“He’s so fit though, I mean how can you not just stare and think _wow_.” Niall nearly moaned at the last word and Louis almost cringed. “We’re making progress you know, he’s finally gotten my name right.” Niall sounded very proud, and Louis felt bad for wanting to laugh.

Honestly, it was sad that Niall believed there was something there. Ever since Niall started his job at this pub over a year and a half ago, he had been working an insane amount of hours. Giving him the chance of meeting all kinds of people, some more friendly than not. Louis never heard Niall go on for days about anyone, not until Donovan started six months ago. Niall had been trying to get close, but Donovan was a complicated man. From what Louis had observed over the times when Niall dragged him to the pub on his day off. Like tonight, except this time all the lads were here.

Well except, Harry. He had been busy all day with picking up an extra shift at the restaurant, waiting tables. But he did promise he’d make it in some time tonight and honestly, Louis couldn’t wait to see him.

“I'm still shocked you let him call you Neil for nearly half a year. If anyone of us had said it, you’d have our heads.” Liam chimed in, and he wasn’t wrong about that.

Niall hated when his name got all sorts of chopped up. From poorly done name tags to being called Nail by numerous people over the years, Louis understood it. He did. Being called Lewis from time to time and having his name being spelt just as wrong. Not a big deal, Louis just let it roll off his back. However, for Niall he just couldn’t stand it, so obviously Niall was just too smitten to care anymore. As long as it was only the dreamboat colleague of his doing it, then it was okay.

“But he’s so hot, though.” Niall reasoned as if were a perfectly good reason.

“Then why don’t you go ask him to go for drinks one of these days then, _Neil_?” Louis knew he sounded like a smug arsehole. It was all in good fun though, especially when it came to messing around with Niall crushes. “Unless you want me to go over there myself and ask him out for you?”

“No!”

“But-”

“Louis, as much as I appreciate your enthusiasm to do that for me, I just wanna take things slow. You know see where things go naturally.” Niall explained as he brought his beer to his lips. “I don’t want to scare him off, especially if he’s not available.”

“Well, you don’t know if you don’t try, Ni.” Zayn added in, and Niall just set his beer down and shrugged his shoulders.

Louis could see Niall glancing over his shoulder, and he just reached over patting Niall on the shoulder.

Maybe one day Niall could get his happy ending.

Louis sipped at his other beer, listening to Liam and Zayn talk some sense into Niall. Which was pretty much pointless because Niall was quite stubborn and wasn’t about to just waltz up there. Not when he didn’t have an excuse to do so and honestly, Louis just thought Niall was waiting to be the one asked out. Slow paced or not.

At one point, the mood around the table shifted when Louis was draining half of his beer. Harry arrived, pink cheeked and curls out of sorts from the wind with a dusting of snow. January was definitely not a kind month. But as much as Harry looked good nestled into his peacoat, Louis couldn’t help but stare at the woman beside him.

Who was this? And why did everyone seem so happy to see her?

Louis just sat there silently as he listened to Harry say, “Sorry we were running a bit late, got held up at the salon.”

_The salon?_

Louis was muddled.

“It’s alright, H.” Zayn waved him off as he glanced at the girl beside him whose got a shoulder length strawberry blonde hair. “And that must be Ellie, right?”

“Yeah.” Harry had this smile across his face, and he had yet to look Louis in the eyes. “She’s been dying to meet you, lads, all day.”

“I wouldn't say all day, babe.” Ellie beamed as she nudged him into the side. “Can’t believe you’re making me out to be a liar already.” She then laughed leaving Louis even more baffled.

“Well, either way, we’re happy to finally meet this mystery girl we’ve all heard about for days now, about time he introduced us to you.” Liam commented, Louis could feel his heart go tense in his chest.

He felt dull and achy when Harry finally glanced at him, there was a touch of a smile on his lips. He sat down into the spot beside Zayn and Ellie’ between Harry and Niall. The table suddenly felt crowded, and Louis felt sick, so fucking ill. Louis couldn’t even finish his beer because he knew what was about to come, he just knew.

“I”m just glad he finally asked me out after all this time of flirting with me for months on end, I was about to ask him for dinner myself.” Ellie giggled, and Louis wanted to throw up. He had to break his gaze and focus on his beer that was almost gone. Feeling eyes burning on him and Louis knew who they belong to, but Louis couldn’t do this.

If Louis was not careful enough, he may just break completely, and he couldn’t do that right now. Not when he felt twenty three again, walking in on Sean in bed with someone else. Except this time, it stung a little more.

They just slept together not even a few days ago, they had been hooking up for over a fucking year. Yet, Harry hadn’t had the decency to tell Louis he’d been talking to someone? That there was someone he might possibly want to be with? Not thinking for a second that maybe Louis had already been through enough.

And that was what hurt the most.

Louis sat there quietly as everyone talked amongst each other. Hearing all about Ellie, that she was a hairdresser and knew Harry for a little over half a year. That was how they met, Harry had always got his hair done by her, and they became close. Ellie had an older step-brother, and she still lived at home with her dad and step-mum. Louis tried to listen, to see what was so great about her but he just ended up tuning most of it out. He was holding himself from running back home to Doncaster because Louis knew at least his mum couldn’t break his heart.

For a moment, Louis braved a look at Harry feeling a dullness in his chest when the corners of Harry's lips slid upward. 

Louis wanted to glare at him and be bitter, to send Harry a text to tell him never talk to him again, but he didn’t. Harry was his best friend. It’d be a shitty thing to do all because Harry obviously didn't feel the same as him. That Harry kept his promise and it wouldn't be fair. Louis was afraid he couldn’t stay away from Harry anyway.

“So, um, Louis, is it?” Ellie asked with her eyes on Louis, already trying to get him to talk. Great. Louis just gave a small nod, not really up to talking to her. “Harry always talks about how you’re so talkative, but you seem quite shy to me.” Well, she was wrong. “But you don’t have to be quiet around me, I promise I don’t bite.”

Louis couldn’t do this right now, he needed to get the hell away. It was going to make him seem to be a complete dick, but Louis couldn’t force himself to talk to Ellie. Not when he felt wretched and betrayed.

“I’ve got to use the loo, excuse me.” Louis muttered under his breath, popping out of his seat, and veered towards the toilets. Ignoring the questionable stares he was getting when he left.

He locked himself in one of the stalls and put his face in his hands. Louis had this tight, painful feeling in his throat and felt like his world was spinning. He wanted to let it out, to cry and scream, to march out there and tell Harry that this wasn’t fair. That he shouldn’t have cuddled Louis the other day after he fucked him, kissed him, and asked to stay. To ask Harry why he had waited until tonight and just blindside Louis like that? Harry shouldn’t have hid Ellie from him because he _knew_ what Louis had been through.

Louis remembered the first day of November, last year, when Harry had said, “ _You’ve always deserved better, Lou._ ”. It was like a slap in the face because how did Louis deserve this? To be kept in the dark when everyone one else knew Harry was dating, that they knew before Louis. That they got to hear, Harry talk about this person fondly while he discreetly shagged Louis on the side. Like Louis was nothing but another notch in his bedpost. Harry and him used to tell each other everything, and it was sad that apparently, they didn’t share that bond anymore.

Louis felt like an idiot for even believing for a moment that everything would end up okay. For thinking friends with benefits was such an amazing idea and he wouldn't have gotten attached. For Harry cracking that, “ _Promise you won't fall in love with me._ ” joke every time they slept together accompanied by a snicker and dimpled smile. Louis wished he would have run to the hills and never looked back because there was nothing he could do. It was unfixable.

For a moment, Louis contemplated coming up with every lie in the book to excuse himself for the night. Not in the mood to drink and suffer through this shitty night. He would rather go home and hide under the covers. Blog his feelings away and cry silently as he typed. Eventually calling Lottie, his sister at one in the morning because he would need someone to sob to over the phone. Trying to brand it in his mind that Harry and him will never be more than friends.

Eventually, Louis decided he’d play the “ _I’ve gotten an awful headache._ ” card and hopefully it’d get him out of lads night.

When he finally left the bathroom, he was already traipsing his way towards the table until he slowed to a stop half way there. Niall, Zayn, and Liam were no longer at the table, off at the billiard playing a round of pool with some fellow revelers. There was Harry and Ellie at the table being disgusting, she was kissing Harry’s cheek and laughing at whatever stupid pun he cracked. Louis could feel a fiery sensation in his gut as he just shook his head, heading towards the bar. Louis would need another drink before going over there.

Louis slid up to an empty spot at the bar, ordering another lite beer. Hoping to get his buzz back in order to face the new couple. It makes Louis’ heart pang at the words, and he told Donovan to nevermind and give him a regular. Realizing that maybe he needed something a little stronger to get through this night.

But soon enough before Louis could even taste his beer that was in front of him, he felt something gently prod him on the small of his back. Louis let out a breath as he turned in his spot only to freeze up when he sees Harry standing there in his coat, with Louis’ green parka jacket draped over his arm. Louis for a moment wants to grab his beer and flee into the confines back in the toilet stall. Not wanting to face Harry or the reality of the night. Louis would rather not, but apparently, Harry had different plans.

“Walk with me to my car?” Harry asked carefully, he had this look in his eyes. Was it guilt? Maybe. Whatever it was, it made Louis’ stomach feel so hollow.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Louis didn’t want to do this.

Yet, Louis’ finds himself taking his coat and slipping it on, not bothering to zip up as they head out of the noisy pub. Falling into step together as they walked through the slush and snow in the dimly lit car park. Crunching beneath their feet and the only other sounds are the cars speeding down the streets. Louis feels like he can’t even breath when Harry finally breaks the silence between them.

“So, I’ve got a girlfriend now.”

“I’ve noticed.” Louis murmured, continued to pace about until he felt a hand grab his stopping him in his tracks.

There was a silence in the air between them for a moment, and Louis felt light headed. He could feel the fresh snow on his cheeks and the rush of cold air. Eventually turning to face Harry, not ready to let go of his hand because this may be the last time Louis ever gets to touch him like this.

“I don’t think...” Harry started to say before he paused, letting out a breath that Louis could see in the crisp night air. “I think we should go back to being just friends.”

And there it was. Everything Louis would was afraid would happen. Something that had Louis believing that maybe he’s just not meant to ever find love. Because all the times he’s tried it fell apart, so what’s even the point anymore?

Louis’ not even sure how the hell they’ll just go back to old times before things got complicated. It makes no sense to Louis. Not at all. Not when they live under the same roof, and Louis knows far too much about Harry already. That Harry’s hair smelled faintly of coconuts and that he laughs whenever you kiss on his neck. He likes it when Louis scratches at his skin and moans his name.

In all honesty, Louis didn’t even know if he could do this.

“But you’re okay, right?” Harry asked, and Louis nodded, even though it was a lie. “You’ve been quiet all night, and you haven’t gotten to know Ellie, yet.” Yeah, because Louis was not interested. “ She’s great, Lou. El loves those reality shows you like and The Sims. I think you’d both could bond over that.” Yeah, Louis would rather not. “Just give her a chance, alright?”

“Okay.” Louis wanted to say no and tell Harry to go fuck himself for making Louis feel obligated to befriend this person that was practically replacing him. To make Louis sit on the sidelines and pretend like everything was okay. Not even giving it a thought that maybe Louis just had his heart broken.

For a moment they were just standing there, Louis’ toes were cold, and in that second he realized Harry was still holding his hand. It made Louis’ heart want to beat a little faster and step closer to feel the warmth of his body, but Louis knew he couldn’t anymore. Because friends weren’t supposed to be in love and cuddle in the middle of a car park.

“Do you wanna go back inside?” Harry broke the quietness between them, sounding hopeful.

Louis shook his head, breaking his hand free of Harry’s even though every part of him wanted to hold on. “Think I might actually call it a night, H. Got a massive headache, honestly.” It was a bald-faced lie, but what could Louis say? That he was sad? That he didn't even want to be around his mates right now?

Louis just wanted no questions asked and to go home.

“Do you want me to call you a cab?” Harry asked, but Louis shook his head. They lived not even five minutes from the pub.

“I’ll be alright, H. Not like I’m going to freeze to death.” Louis tried to joke, but it felt more forced than anything. “Tell the lads that I’m sorry I left, I’m just not in it tonight.”

“Of course, Lou,” Harry said simply, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets. “Just feel better, alright?”

Louis smiled a little and nodded before walking off, and he never felt more empty. As if he just left a part of himself back at the pub as he walked along the snow covered pavement.

A part of Louis wanted to head off to another pub on the other side of the city and get shit-faced drunk. Forgetting about everything that went wrong for a little while. Finding himself a bloke just as sad as he was and bring him home. Letting him fuck Louis until he would forget Harry. Waking up to an empty bed and full of regrets because he knew he couldn’t just do one night stands. But the thing was, Louis wanted to be alone and just not have anyone bother him. Hopefully, his mates would be out until wee hours in the morning. Maybe Louis would be asleep by then because he was already so fucking exhausted.

The frosty air probably wasn't helping Louis’ case with breathing because it was so damn cold out. His fingers were numb, and his shoes were soaked from the slush. Maybe he should have called a cab. Oh well, too late now, Louis was less than two minutes away as he treaded along the pavement under the puddles of light formed by the street lamps. Ignoring that dreadful burning itchiness on his thighs from the cold winter night.

If Louis were honest with himself, he wanted to cry. He felt like a fool for even thinking there was something special there. For even wanting something he could never have.

Maybe love just wasn't for him, because it had never worked out for him so far.

Everyone had always left him or hurt him. No one stuck around long enough because they wanted to leave or ended up not feeling the same. Louis thought maybe there was something wrong with him, that he was nothing more than a good fuck or someone there to talk to when all he wanted was to know that there was someone out there for him.

A wonderful guy that didn't plan on breaking his heart. Who would love Louis unconditionally, be supportive, and would always be there when Louis needed him the most. Who would want to marry him someday and share their life together.

Louis was not sure if he’ll ever get to have that because all he wanted was Harry to be that somebody.


	2. I

In retrospect, parties had always been Louis’ thing.

Ever since Louis could remember, he loved the scene. Whether it was a sleazy house party or an overly decorated Christmas party, it was his favourite pastime. Dressing up in his finest outfits or extravagant costumes. His hair coiffed and spritzed in his most expensive cologne. Engaging with the crowd while drinking his favourite lite beer. Listening to the night's playlist and possibly sneaking in an edible sometime in the night when he was feeling adventurous. Trying just to enjoy the moment because those were memories Louis lived to create.

The sad thing was that this time around Louis couldn’t seem to find it in him to enjoy Liam and Zayn’s New Year’s Eve gathering.

All it had been doing was reminding Louis that another year passed, and nothing had changed. He still had that stupid job at the coffee shop, no car (too damn expensive), and he was still single. Not that he wanted to be in a relationship. Louis liked his independence, but there were times he wished he had someone.

But he couldn’t find it in himself to step foot onto the dating scene, no matter how much his overbearing mother begged him too. He still had his heart set on Harry, and it had been a rough few years for Louis. Sitting around waiting for the moment he’d tell Harry how he felt, but it never came. Harry was still with Ellie. Unfortunately.

And Louis did try to move on. Sometimes he would distance himself from Harry and go home to see his family in Doncaster for the weekend. Going off with Niall to the pub and help him impress that dream guy he was obsessed with. Spending a lot of nights in his room trying to ignore reality and getting lost in Tumblr. Reblogging positive quotes and pictures, even doing his daily entry of his thoughts. None of that worked because Louis would always end up going back to posting about unrequited love and complaining about how love was just a shame.

Truthfully, Louis had wanted to resent Harry. For pushing his relationship with Ellie in Louis’ face through the years. Making Louis be around _her_ knowing she had everything Louis didn’t. Trying to get Ellie and Louis to become good friends when really Louis couldn't stand her. Seeing Ellie some weekday mornings before his shift in one of Harry’s vintage band shirts, that would have been hanging off her body. Having this knowing smirk across her face and eventually, Harry emerging from the bedroom wearing nothing but his pants. Giving Ellie a kiss on the forehead that sends Louis off to work fifteen minutes early. Popping in his earbuds and trying to drown out his thoughts with music. The thing was though, Louis couldn’t find it in his heart to stop being mates with Harry.

Louis was currently lingering around the tray of various snacks in the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, Zayn and Liam once again outdid themselves. They always had been good at holidays, throwing the best gatherings with an impressive array of food. Biscuits, brownies, cupcakes, cake, and whatever else Zayn talked Liam into. Providing a decent selection of drinks and good tunes. Reasonable number of guests that make you feel smothered and the usual petty drama that Louis absolutely did not get himself involved in. Last year, Zayn and Liam had gotten into an argument because Zayn accidentally gotten red frosting on their brand new white sofa they’d finally gotten. Needless to say, that was pretty entertaining. Then there was another time at Zayn’s Halloween party where these two girls from Zayn’s work, that had drama just surrounding them over a guy with one too many tattoos.

But, Louis will admit, four years ago at the New Years Eve party, he did have a little incident with Sean. They were going through a bit of a rough patch. Sean told Louis he thought marriage was pointless and stupid, totally just crushing Louis’ hopes and dreams. As Louis was certain, Sean was going to propose to him by the summertime. Louis just had that feeling in his gut, but unfortunately, he was way off. Louis was hurt and didn’t know what that meant for their future because he wanted to be with Sean for the rest of his life. Louis was so blindly in love with him, so it stung to hear that and ruined his night completely.

But looking back on that now as he took a bite of a fudge brownie, it was stupid. Getting worked up over someone that clearly wasn't worth it. Thankfully that was all in the past.

Louis was pulled out of his thoughts by tight grip around his wrist which and pulled him out of the kitchen. Louis wanted to break free and protest, tell Niall he could have just asked to talk to him, you know? Instead of dragging Louis into Liam & Zayn’s room, putting on an act like they were going to hookup in their mates’ bed. Ugh, Louis cringed at the thought. Niall and him would never… _no_. Just not realistic, but that wasn’t important because Niall’s got a look of panic in his eyes when he kicked the door shut. Hands clasped on Louis' shoulders, squeezing.

“Louis you’ve got to help me, he’s going to be here in ten minutes!” Niall stressed as he gently shook Louis. Give it to Niall for being all dramatic with his exaggerated effects, how was Louis unsurprised?

“And what exactly do you think I can do for you, Niall?” Louis would love to know, because to his knowledge he wasn’t the one with the massive crush on his colleague. “And will you stop shaking me before I get whiplash?”

Niall sighed as he finally let go of Louis’ shoulders, arms falling slack at his sides. He let out a sigh before he said: “Oh I don’t know, maybe you could give me some actual support, Lou?” Niall truly lost it if he thought Louis was the best to come for advice on how to impress the man of your dreams. “You're one of my best mates, you’ve ought to have some sort of pep talk in ya. Or at least tell me what to say to woo him.”

Louis thought Niall had truly lost it.

“I think you’ve gone mad because I’m tragically single, remember?” Louis pointed out as he tried to take a step to the door, but Niall was faster and stopped Louis right in his tracks, blocking him. “Niall, I can't help you, alright?” Louis didn’t want to be rude, but it was true. “I don't know what you’re expecting me to tell you. You know I’ve never been good with these sort of things.”

“But you’ve dated a handful of guys, more than anyone that I know, so you’ve ought to have something.” Niall sounded desperate, and Louis wished he could help.

“Why don’t you ask Harry or Zayn, you know the two that aren’t single?” Louis brought up; hopefully, Niall would just leave Louis the hell alone. As much as Louis loved Niall’s company, there was simply nothing Louis could say “And you know just because I happened to have a good number of ex-boyfriends doesn’t mean it’s a good thing either.”

“Don’t forget about Travis, he’s always flirting with you,” Niall mentioned. The thing with Travis was, Louis wouldn’t ever get with him. Ellie’s, older step-brother who was into Louis, or more so into the idea of hooking up with him. “I mean you must be doing something right to wheel ‘em in.”

Louis sighed. If he weren’t such a good mate, he’d just tell Niall good luck and be on his way to grab himself a beer from the cooler. But Louis was a decent human being and tried to come up with something to appease his friend. Which took Louis nearly a minute.

“Now don’t take my word for it, alright?” Louis started, warning Niall. “But I think maybe you could make Don a little jealous?” It was a shit idea, and Louis knew it. “Flaunting the fact you’ve gotten some phone numbers?”

Niall's face lit up as if Christmas come early. “That’s a brilliant idea, I’ll tell him that I’m dating this guy from Tinder.” That had to be the worst idea Louis had ever heard! Where did he mention anything about fake relationships? Louis said scoring digits, not being in a make believe relationship with an imaginary boyfriend. Ugh, now it just made Niall sound desperate. 

“But, that’s not-” Louis tried to say, but Niall was way too excited, not even giving Louis a chance to shoot down this ridiculous idea.

“Always knew I could count on you, Lou,” Niall said effervescently as he patted Louis on the shoulder. “Maybe one day I could help you win the man of your dreams? You know return the favor.” That sounded tempting, but Louis knew there was literally nothing Niall could do to help him in that area. But, he didn’t want to shoot down Niall sudden confidence and just gave a small nod.

“I wouldn’t count on that happening anytime soon.”

“Oh come on, Lou. You’re not going to be a miserable bachelor forever, just have to give it time.” Niall reasoned as he gave Louis a pat on the shoulder.

Louis sighed. If only he could tell Niall that he had no interest in finding love again. That Louis was almost terrified to even go on a date because he knew himself. He will just end up so smitten by some charming man that he’ll start fantasizing about their future relationship. Too wrapped up in unrealistic fantasies to even think that maybe they’ll leave. Louis couldn’t have that happen again, not when his heart was already stolen.

“Who knows maybe one day I’ll talk you into speed dating.” Niall sounded hopeful, but Louis already knew his answer.

“Eh, let’s just focus on that Donovan thing right now,” Louis suggested, wanting to get far away from the topic of his non-existent love life. “Maybe once you get the guy, I’ll think about it.” As much as Louis didn’t like the idea of dates that were timed or that made you seem desperate. He didn’t want to crush Niall’s hopes for Louis’ future, because Niall had always been the one rooting for him.

Harry may have been Louis’ best mate, but Niall was more like a brother to Louis. Niall cared enough to want Louis to be happy. He had always told Louis that there was someone out there for him and not to give up. That all those boys were just test runs, not the real deal. Niall had told him one day when he was sulking around the flat after his breakup with Sean, that he was not worth crying over, reassuring him that it may hurt now, but it’ll be easier when times would go on. That he’ll look back on it and think how stupid it was to shed tears over that dickhead. Telling Louis that someone out there will fall in love with him and not want to break him. Niall was a good friend.

“Shouldn’t Donovan be here by now? I think it’s been-” Louis was yet again cut off mid-sentence by Niall gasping in horror. Quickly telling Louis, he’ll catch him later and dashed out of the room as if it were a race. Louis hoped Niall would reconsider the whole fake relationship thing because Louis had seen those fail miserably far too many times. According to all the films and shows he had seen. Louis hoped Niall didn’t end up knee deep in lies because that wouldn’t help him win the man of his dreams.

Ha! Who was Louis kidding? He was not an honest man himself, never had the courage to tell Harry how he felt. Always putting on this facade that everything was okay and he was happy, Louis knew it was terrible. But, he just couldn’t get himself to admit it.

Not when everyone was on his back wanting him to figure things out.

Louis ended up leaving the bedroom a moment later, eager to go grab a drink. Hopeful he would bypass a certain couple on the way there because he couldn’t deal with that right now. Which so far was a success because as he weaved his way through the slightly crowded flat towards the kitchen, Louis had yet to see them. He only saw Niall already chatting with his crush and Liam having a laugh with some of his colleagues. Thank god, Louis just wanted his beer and just enjoy himself a little without feeling like shit because Ellie was here.

When Louis pulled a lite beer from the cooler, and he could see Jinx’s mouse toy in his water bowl. It was Zayn’s black cat that Louis had only seen a handful of times (since they’ve been mates) because he always ran off to hide. Which Louis wished he could take a page out of Jinx’s book and go find seclusion to get lost in Tumblr for a while, away from the chaos around him. Louis loved to socialize and hear the latest drama that weren’t his, but tonight Louis would rather be alone.

Louis spent the next fifteen minutes hearing Jennifer go on about her life problems. Telling Louis all about her love life drama and other not so important details. Louis found it hard to listen to what Liam’s colleague had to say because all Louis could focus on was the beautiful boy across the room. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him, and he was thankful for the crowd between them. Getting slivers of Harry’s face every now and again from the breaks amongst the slew of people. Louis wanted to march over there and grab his attention, ask him to ditch this party, and celebrate New Year by themselves. Drinking and just having good times like before, it’s been different since Harry’s gotten a girlfriend. Louis used to hangout with Harry almost everyday when they were growing up. Talked all the time, spent most weekends with each other before they went back to school, went to many concerts, and had a significant amount of plans for the summer. They did everything together and always had each others back. It’s always been, Louis & Harry.

But over these past few years, Harry’s been spending more time with Ellie or busy with his other friends. They’re not as close as they used to be, given the fact part of it was probably Louis’ fault. Always avoiding being the third wheel whenever Harry asked him if he wanted to come with Ellie and him to wherever they were going. Not only that, but Louis distanced himself. That first week when that girlfriend bombshell dropped on Louis, he went ghost. Went back home to see his family and made up a lie that he felt homesick. It was believable enough that he wasn’t bombarded with questions, other than Harry asking him why Louis had been ignoring his texts. Louis just lied and said he’d been so busy spending time with his family that he didn’t think to check his phone. Which was a fucking lie. But whatever, Louis needed that space from his best mate.

The corners of Louis’ lips twitched downward when he saw Ellie crowding Harry's space, her grabby claws all over his arm. It made Louis have this burning sensation in his stomach.

He had to look away as Jennifer was still going on about this Ricky guy. Something about him breaking his wrist last year, honestly Louis could care less.

At some point Zayn, _the gracious man_ he was swooped in and stole Louis away. Tossing him his coat and asking him to head out to the balcony with him. As much as Louis didn't want to be cold, it’d be a great escape from the overcrowded flat. Where Louis didn't have to keep torturing himself.

The balcony was small, enough to fit three people comfortably. About the size of it had one white wicker chair with a dormant potted plant beside it. It was what Louis would like to call: Zayn’s sanctuary. Where he could smoke all he wanted and just think, at least that was Zayn had told him. It was his private time away from his doting boyfriend. In a way, Louis wished his room had a small overlook of the city where he could have another space of his own,

Maybe one day Louis would get his shit together and have his own place.

Louis leaned up against the railing as Zayn lit up a cigarette, it was quiet between them, and Louis already felt like he couldn't breathe. The air was cold, and Louis wished he had a fuzzy scarf or at least a warmer jumper underneath his coat. Louis hated being cold, winter was the worst, and he hated that his own birthday was on Christmas Eve. Louis didn’t like to be a winter baby.

“Can’t believe I turn twenty five next Friday,” Zayn groaned as he took a drag of his cigarette, “I can just feel my youth slipping away.”

“And you think I happen to love being twenty six?” Louis countered, because this past birthday had been a rough one for Louis. Realizing just how things have been going and looking back on his past mistakes. Louis felt like his life had hit this never-ending plateau and that there was nothing he could do to change it.

“I mean look at it this way, we’re halfway to fifty, Louis. That’s fucking scary.” Zayn stressed before bringing the cigarette back to his lips.

“I mean if you put it like that. I’m sure you’ll be still gorgeous as ever, hopefully, you don't end up bald.” Louis chuckled, earning an icy glare from his mate. “Just be lucky you don’t already have grey hair popping through.” When Louis first noticed some grey hair on his sides a few months ago, he almost cried. Louis loved his hair and the color it was naturally, he loved to play up with the style every once and while, and he just didn’t think he’d have such a change so soon. Now he wore it short on the sides with his fringe, and it took Louis a minute to get used to it, but he came to accept this was his fate. Unless he finally let Zayn tint his hair one of these days.

“You better not have jinxed my luck, Lou. I need my hair, it’s my what’s makes me, _me_.” Zayn said defensively. Louis understood that Zayn’s hair was like his legacy. As he was a barber and cared about that stuff. But he was not wrong, Zayn was always creatively changing his hair. Doing some questionable color choices as well. Pink, green, silver, blonde, and possibly the whole damn rainbow for all Louis knew Zayn had done. 

“Besides, Liam needs something to grab onto, doesn’t he?” Zayn added and could he sound even more like a smug arsehole?

“Are you trying to make me throw up?” Louis quipped as he had this look of faux-disgust on his face. Feeling Zayn’s miserable attempt of a hard fist collide against the plushness of his parka. “Nice try, but I barely felt that,” Louis smirked when he flicked his gaze to Zayn, watching him blow the cloud of smoke into the cool night air. “But anyway, before you inflict more violence on me, how’s life?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, ashing his cigarette over the railing. “You better watch it, Tomlinson. I’ve been lifting weights with Li for days now.” Zayn threatened, but Louis just chuckled, not honestly believing Zayn accompanied Liam to the gym six days a week to go work out. It was just not realistic. “Do you not believe me?”

“Well…” Louis’ voice trailed off as he felt a frosty chill from the wind, making him shiver all over.

“Well, it’s true. You can even ask Liam _yourself_.” Zayn was serious, but all Louis could do was have this half smile on his face. Knowing it ticked off Zayn even more, but it was all in good fun. He was not as bad as Liam though, Zayn could take a joke; sometimes. 

Louis just shook his head and glanced down to the carpark with only one light, blanketed with snow. They stand there quietly for a moment as Zayn finished up his cigarette, he can feel Zayn’s eyes on him before the silence is broken once again.

“Things have been good, you know? We’ve almost have enough saved up for that trip in July.” Zayn mentioned. Ah, yes. Liam and Zayn ever since Louis had known them had always went away for summer, just a week or two. Usually, they’d spend all year saving as much as they could and budgeting like mad. One year they’d gone to Australia, and another year they went to Spain. And no Louis was definitely, absolutely _not_ jealous. He could totally have his own road trip any time of the year if he wanted too.

“And where exactly are you and Li running off to this time?”

“Greece”

Okay, maybe Louis was a little jealous.

Maybe Louis could stuff himself in Liam’s suitcase and tag along. Get away from the city for a while and enjoy some time with his mates. However, the idea of sharing a room with those two kind of was something Louis wouldn't want. He wouldn't put it past them to fuck in the bed next to his, thinking Louis was sound asleep. All because they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves for a week straight. _Yeah_ … Louis would rather not deal with that. It was a nice thought though.

“And you? Got any plans for summer, Lou?” Zayn questioned as Louis finally glanced at him. Louis could already feel the cold mist slowly seeping through the layers of clothes he had on. Zayn better hurry up and finish that damn cigarette before Louis plucked it out of his hands and stomped it. His lips were going to end up being chapped at this rate.

“Just going to mum’s, I guess. Nothing too exciting, I reckon.” Louis wasn’t lying either, he couldn't afford these amazing adventures like Liam and Zayn. 

He was always strapped for cash, and he was lucky enough that his mum was sending him money to come see her every so often. Louis actually had never taken a real holiday for himself, not since he was a teenager at least. When Jay would take Louis and his siblings on little road trips for a few days. Which were fun memories he loved to think about when he felt homesick.

Louis wished he could quit his shitty dead-end job and escape away somewhere. Just take a year off for himself and think about his future. He pulled back up what Zayn said about getting older as his friend started to go on about how he may go to Bradford to see his parents soon. Louis couldn’t help but wonder how his thirties will treat him. If he would still going to be miserable or if things will eventually change. Maybe he wouldn’t sit around and wait for his moment to express himself and not feel like he was stuck. Louis knew he didn’t want to keep lying and having these stupid _fucking_ feelings as years pass. Louis truly wanted to go back to the way things were. Where Louis could enjoy himself around Harry even if he had a significant other. Where Louis wouldn’t feel so sad anymore because he moved on and just enjoyed life. But it was a far cry from reality because he knew he may never get over Harry.

It had been two damn years, so what was four more?

“But anyway, do you wanna head back in and face the masses?” Zayn questioned as he threw his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out.

“I think I’ll just stay out here for a moment, might give mum a ring.” Louis lied, which shit, maybe Louis should at least text his mother. To show her that he was still breathing and that he didn’t forget about her and the girls. Definitely not going to tell her that he was having a bad night though.

“You know you could always just call her in Li and I’s bedroom. Where you actually won’t be prone to getting frostbit.” Zayn explained. But Louis needed a second to breathe. To just be in his own little world before he had to spend the rest of his time watching everyone get hyped up for the new year as it approached midnight.

“I think you’re being dramatic, I’m not going to lose a foot or anything. I’ll be fine.” Louis said archly. Earning a little chuckle from Zayn as he rubbed his hands together and blew on them.

“Says the man that hates the cold.” Zayn pointed out, of course. Couldn’t he just let Louis sulk in peace? “But fine, if you want to freeze to death be my guest. But I’m gonna go inside and make sure my place isn’t in shambles. “

“Well it’s what you’d deserve for throwing a party, not everyone’s into detail cleaning like their life depends on it. I mean, except for you. “

“Fuck off, Louis.” Zayn scowled, and Louis just smirked.

“Hey, no need to get so hostile, babe. It’s the truth. You’re what I like to call, anal.”

Zayn just shook his head and muttered out, “Well I’m going inside now, cheers.” Louis watched Zayn turn and head back inside the stuffy flat.

As much as Louis loved his mates’ company, it was nice to finally be alone.

He turned his attention to the stars in the night sky sighing. The cold draft sent another shiver down his spine as he thought about how this was yet to be another sad, cold, and lonely winter. Louis had nothing to look forward to, unlike Zayn and Liam. Going on their lavish holidays every summer and Niall with the new guy, Donovan. God knew what Harry and Ellie had planned, and Louis didn’t want to find out. But putting that into perspective now, made Louis want something. He was not sure what exactly, but something needed to change.

Time seemed to have slow down as Louis stood here, wondering how close it was to midnight. Ready to head back home and blog in the comfort of his nice warm bed. Unfortunately, that was more so a pipe dream because he knew even when it would be midnight, his mates wouldn’t be done partying until wee hours in the morning. Which normally Louis would've loved, getting shit-faced drunk and living the best life. But Louis didn’t feel like getting stupidly intoxicated tonight, just a little bit of a buzz. Enough to perk up his mood to endure this gathering until the nights over.

Louis heard the sliding door being opened as he broke his gaze from the winter sky, feeling someone slide up beside him. So much for having his moment of solitude. Now Louis was never going to have a getaway from the party.

“You know, for someone that loves social occasions I’m kind of shocked to see you out here alone,” Harry said breaking the silence. Louis wanted to tell Harry that he couldn’t put his heart into this year. That he was miserable and so tired of having the worst of luck. But of course, he said nothing. “Usually you’re the life of the party, but you’ve been kind of quiet tonight.”

Louis just let out a breath as his eyes fell back onto the car park, curling his fingers into the fabric of his coat. “Just got a lot of my mind, I guess. ”It was all Louis could come up with. Especially to be believable enough in case Harry went off and talked with Zayn.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry asked carefully as Louis finally flicked his gaze towards him who was already staring back at him. He was bundled in his peacoat, and a blue beanie pulled over his curly hair. He looked warm, and Louis wanted to be close to him.

Louis quickly thought of something safe to say. Not wanting to tell Harry anything that screamed too much because now was definitely not the time to say “ _So, I really fucking love you and I just wish you could see that I’ve been hurting._ ”

“I hate my job, and I feel like I'm going to be stuck there, smelling like coffee for the rest of my fucking life.”

And that was the honest truth. Louis disliked it and only stuck with it because it was the only that hadn’t let him down. Also the longest job he’s ever had so why even give it up for another shitty one?

“Lou, I still don’t know why you ever started working there in the first place. You don’t even like java.” Harry pointed out as he tilted his body a little toward Louis. Arm resting against the railing as he added, “If it makes you unhappy, there's always better offers out there.”

“But what if I don’t know what I want to do?” Louis asked unsurely, because he had no idea where in the world his place was at.

It wasn’t heading off back to uni to go get that degree for accounting and finance. Louis wasn’t like Niall who was a barman and Liam who was this workaholic who somehow managed being an assistant manager of a gym and a vet technician. Then there was Zayn with his hair thing and Harry with his vet tech thing that same as Liam. It was like Louis couldn’t seem to figure out what exactly his calling was supposed to be. He never sat down and figured out what he wanted to be and what he’d like to accomplish. He always thought he’d known when the time would have arrived and sadly, that was a false reality he had to face. And it was the worst because Louis was almost afraid he will never figure out what made him passionate the most.

“You’ll know when it happens, just have to wait it out.” Harry said calmly as the corners of his lips slid upward a little.

“Thanks, Harold.” Louis murmured, feeling an urge to step even closer. But not wanting to press his luck, he refrained. No matter how much Louis would just love to wrap his arms around Harry's waist and press his face into the crook of his neck.

It was not fair because Louis never choose to feel this way.

“But anyway, so into more important issues of the night. Have you gotten off that high horse of yours yet and picked a resolution for once?” Harry asked teasingly as he poked Louis in the side.

Louis scoffed. “Talk about a waste of time, of course not.”

“Don't you want to have a goal this year? I mean you said you wanted a new job, so maybe that’s it?”

“No, because resolutions are just a glorified social concept to make yourself feel better.” Louis said point blank because it was true. Most people from Louis’ experience who set ridiculously unattainable goals usually failed them. Louis never got on board with it, despite his love for the holidays. No matter how many time Niall and Harry teased Louis about being a pessimist, Louis just rather not set himself up for disappointment was all.

“Yeah, but it’s all about self control. I think you’d succeed if you tried this time.” Harry truly thought Louis would make a goal and stick with it. Well, Louis had some bad news for his mate because it wasn't happening, no way, no how.

“Eh, I’ll take a raincheck, thanks.” Louis shook his head, moving off the railing a little as he crossed his arms.

Suddenly, Louis felt a cold icy gust of wind that had him huddle his shoulders, trying to keep himself warm. God, he fucking hated winter. It may be aesthetically pleasing to the eye but that all it had going for it. Louis thought maybe one day he’d move somewhere warm all year round and escape these harsh months. Where he wouldn't have to worry about wearing a damn coat anymore and slipping on that stupid icy patch in the car park outside their flat every single year. Nearly busting his arse and almost spraining something in the process.

Louis watched as Harry reached into his pockets, digging around for a moment before he pulled out his gloves and offered them to him. “Here, babe,” Harry said, as sweet as the gesture was, Louis couldn’t take them. Not when Harry’s velvety hands needed them the most.

“Harry, I can’t.” Louis turned down the offer, seeing Harry’s lips twitched a little, stuffing them back into his pockets, and honestly it made Louis feel a bit baffled. Why did Harry react ( as small as it was) that way? It was not a big deal. Besides they would probably have been massive on Louis delicate hands. But it was mostly the thought of having something of Harry’s so close that he knew it’d be hard to give back.

And it was stupid because Louis knew it was just a pair of useless gloves to keep his hands warm. There wasn't any meaning behind it as Harry was just a decent human being. He had known Louis all his life, and it was not the first time Harry had ever offered a piece of clothing to keep Louis comfortable. There was that time when Louis was seventeen and forgotten his jacket at school when he walked to school in the middle of October. Harry kindly offered Louis his own, sacrificing himself all because he wanted to be the sweetest boy. Another time was when Louis went to stay over at Harry’s for the weekend when he was fifteen, Harry offered his bed to Louis as he’d take the floor. Giving Louis his heaviest of blankets to cuddle with. In turn, Louis had felt too guilty and shared the bed, just slept on opposite ends, despite having feet in Louis’ face. Then there were all those times growing up when they just hung out and went for walks where Harry would always offer his hoodie to Louis when there was a slight draft in the air.

Thinking about all that now made Louis want to go back to when things were simpler. If only it was possible…

“Well if you change your mind, my offer still stands.” Harry said, and Louis could have sworn the space between them closed in a little. Making Louis’ heart pulse a little bit faster because he could smell Harry's intoxicating cologne wafting towards him. Making Louis eager to just… touch him.

Louis needed to cut this out because ever since they’ve went back to being mates, it had been one hundred percent confusing. Louis still didn't know what boundaries he could cross, if a hug was okay or just putting a hand on Harry’s arm was too much. It just, when they were friends with benefits Louis got to touch Harry all he wanted whenever they were alone. Feeling Harry all over because he could. But having that intimacy ripped away and forgotten like yesterday's news had Louis feel hesitant. The first few months of Harry dating Ellie, Louis felt like he lost something he could never get back. It was rough and still was because Louis knew no matter how much he tried, it would never be the same.

But, at the end of the day, Harry was still his best mate, and nothing would ever change that.

“So what's your resolution, H?” Louis naturally was curious, even if he thought the whole concept was silly. “I mean since you’ve pestered me about it, it’s only fair I know yours.”

“You think you’re so entitled, huh?” Harry quipped as he tilted his head. “Deserving an answer to something you don’t even believe in. Tell me how that makes sense.”

“Because someone has to tell you if you’re being an idiot.” Louis smirked when Harry jutted his lip, looking sickeningly adorable. Louis wanted to kiss that pout off his stupidly beautiful face. “I wouldn’t keep pouting about it if I were you, Styles. You know it’s true.”

“I’m wounded. Absolutely _wounded_ , Lou.” Harry had his hand pressed over his heart, clutching at his chest. “And to think we’re best mates.” There was a hint of a smile at the corner of Harry’s lips. “Looks like I have to finally give you back your pink jumper, huh?”

“Oh god, I forgot about that. Poor thing hadn’t seen daylight since I was what? Eighteen? What a shame.” Louis snickered as he licked his dry lips. Suddenly not caring too much about chapped lips anymore when he saw Harry starting to grin. “Surprised you've kept it.”

Harry rubbed the back of his neck before he said, “Well, to be fair you kind of stole Def Leppard shirt.” Ah, yes. The infamous Def Leppard top that Harry wore every day. Every. Day. For _two years straight_. It was what Louis would like to call Harry’s prized possession. Everytime they hung out after school, Harry always worn it. Louis remembers Anne trying to get Harry to wear a button up for his sixteenth birthday party, but it was useless. Harry wore that shabby band shirt and didn't care if there was a gaping hole at the bottom. Or a bleach stain. As long as Harry got to wear it, he was happy.

“Oh please, you’re still hung up over that tattered thing?” Louis wondered if he dug it out of the bottom of his wardrobe if Harry would scream out of excitement. “It’s for your own good I took it, honestly.”

Honestly, Louis never meant to keep it, more so forgotten about it. Louis was given the blessing by Harry to wear it one mid-July night because Louis had forgotten his clothes (which he was really good at doing!) at home and Harry pulled it off and tossed it to him. Louis, of course, was in fucking awe because no one, _No one_ had ever worn that shirt besides Harry. To be honest, Louis could almost remember that shitty cologne it smelled. Given at the time, Louis was dating Branden; obviously, he wasn’t crushing on Harry, they were just friends. It didn’t mean anything except his best mate being generous. But still, it always made Louis wonder why Harry never asked about it until now, eight years later.

“Uh, yeah. I had so many good times in that shirt, Lou.”

“Oh, you know… because you wore it every day.” Louis added, knowing he sounded like a smartass. Louis could feel his legs starting to itch from the chill in the air. Fuck winter and its abilities to make Louis want to huddle impossibly close to Harry. “Besides maybe you should've thought twice before letting me wear it home.”

Harry scoffed, but Louis could see in his eyes it was nothing but light playfulness. “It’s called being kind hearted, look it up.”

“Fuck-” Louis started to say until the sound of a sliding door opening reached his ears. Suddenly not wanting to talk about the t-shirt fiasco in front of anyone because it felt too personal to Louis.

“Babe, I was looking all over for you,” Louis was about to fucking lose it. Of course, not even ten minutes with Harry and here Ellie comes to intrude. “It’s cold as hell out here, aren't you freezing?” Ellie then appeared beside Harry, wrapping her arm around him and standing awfully close. As if it were necessary to flaunt their relationship in Louis’ face.

“I was just catching up with Louis, El,” Harry said simply, flicking his gaze to Ellie. “Who mind you is being a stubborn bastard as usual when it comes to New Year's resolutions.”

Ellie raised her brows as she glanced at Louis before they were back on Harry and Louis was sure he could see her squeezing Harry’s arm tighter.

“Yeah, but you’ve been out here for ages, and I thought we came here together.” Ellie sighed, clearly not too thrilled about what was going on out here. Unsurprisingly enough. “You get to see Louis all the time, not like you don’t go days without seeing each other.”

Louis truly didn’t understand how in the hell Harry had been with Ellie this long, she was the worst!

“Yeah, but haven't got to talk to him all day,” Harry mentioned, and Louis wanted to smirk at that. “Besides we’ve got a few hours till midnight, and you’ll have me most of the time.” Ugh, Louis was going to be sick.

“I guess you’re right about that, the midnight thing.” Ellie murmured as Louis watched her lean up and press a kiss to Harry's cheek. Louis’ insides were on fucking fire. “Can we please go in? I can’t take this cold, darling.”

Harry gave Louis a passing glance before he nodded, “Alright, we can do that.” Typical, just typical. “But uh, Lou?” Harry’s eyes were back on Louis now he could see the scowl on Harry’s girlfriend’s face. “If you want, you can come in with us and hang out?”

Would Louis really want to torture himself for hours on end? All because he wanted to be around Harry?

Not really.

Truth be told, Louis wasn't sure if he even wanted to be here right now.

“Eh, I’ll be okay, might call mum, you know. Feeling a bit homesick.” Well, at least it was the same lie he told Zayn. Really, it was all Louis could come up with.

“Oh, alright.” Harry almost sounded as if he were bothered that Louis didn’t want to follow them around. Not like he should have expected it, Louis tried not to surround himself around Harry when she was there. It was too much for Louis to see them be all over one another. “Well if you change your mind, come find me?”

“Of course, H.” Louis was able to mutter out before Harry gave a little smile then turned on his heels and went with Ellie inside.

Louis heaved a sigh as he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, almost wishing he would have taken those stupid gloves. But whatever, not like Louis would go chasing after Harry and asking for them. Not when Louis’ having second thoughts about this party.

Maybe he should leave because truly what was his purpose for staying? He didn't have a boyfriend or a muscle bound heartthrob to kiss at midnight. Nor did he want to hear people talk about themselves. His mates were too busy doing their own things, Zayn and Liam being wonderful hosts of the night, Niall trying to make Donovan jealous with his fake relationship nonsense. Then there was Harry who was unintentionally making Louis’ life hell.

Louis wondered if he left, if anyone would notice.

And you know what? Fuck it. Louis was going to make his own tradition.

Louis walked back into the party, nearly whimpering at the warmth that hit him, almost tempted to call a cab. Not too sure how he felt about enduring that treacherous walk home with a risk of falling on his arse.

For a moment when Louis reached the entryway of the flat, he felt a shred of guilt for vacating something he always loved. Leaving behind his friends that wanted him here. Even when Louis stepped out into the corridor and made his way to the creaky lift, he couldn't help but feel like maybe he should have told at least Zayn he was leaving. It wasn’t like Louis to just up and leave without telling anyone, but he didn’t want to be put on the spot. To be pressured into staying because he’d feel even more guilty if his mates protested. A part of Louis knew he would have endured the party if one of his mates asked him too, but right now Louis just needed to get away.

Twenty minutes later, and Louis was sat at a table in the back of a pub. Taking a drink of his lite beer and scrolling through Tumblr. Trying to drown out the loudness around him from the hype of the new year because Louis couldn't even find joy in it.

Maybe Louis should have just went home and binged watched some reality shows. Get on his laptop and keep up with the hot celebrity gossip all the while keeping up with his blog. It was what he should be doing instead of being the only lonely soul on his phone in a pub. But, Louis wanted a beer, so he found himself in his favorite pub instead.

He did wonder if anyone else had come looking for him back at the party since he’d left. He hadn't got any texts yet, which was fine. Louis liked his space. But if things went to shit very quickly with Donovan, he knew Niall would come in frantic looking for Louis. Tearing the place apart until Niall found him. Asking him to help make things better. Probably have Louis kiss him on the lips in front of his crush or some stupid shit. Not that Louis would turn Niall down when he was in dire need, but Louis needed this.

Louis was currently writing a text post on how 2018 was going to be a shitshow when the chair beside him screeched beside him. A body popping down and Louis wanted to scream. Great, so much for trying to enjoy himself. Apparently, someone wanted to come chat him up. Just fucking _great_.

“Well, ‘s funny catching you here, baby.”

Oh god, not him.

Louis was cursing at himself for thinking this was a safe spot to come. Of all places, Travis would be here and alone. Of course. Great, now Louis was definitely not going to be spending his night sulking in peace.

“Surprised you’re not at the party, you like that shit, don’t you?” Travis asked as Louis let out a sigh and pocketed his phone. Finally flicking his gaze at Travis who was sitting awfully close to him and Louis felt smothered with whatever Travis had on. It smelt a concoction of overly priced cologne, alcohol, and weed.

“Just wasn't feeling it tonight, I suppose.” Louis shrugged sipping his beer.

“Should’ve texted me doll, I’m a free man tonight,” Travis smirked leaning against the table, elbow resting, and Louis was sure Travis was staring at his lips. “You could’ve came to mine because I had the place to myself.”

Louis wasn’t going to lie, Travis was fit. He was very fucking attractive. He was everything Louis wanted his dream boyfriend to be growing up. Looks wise that was. Tall, nice body, facial hair that wasn’t patchy, and had a nice smile. Yet, Louis knew Travis was the kind of guy to stay away from. The kind of boy that’d fuck Louis and leave. Spread false rumors that if let's say Louis did give Travis a kiss and ended up rejecting his sexual advances that Travis would tell everyone they hooked up. Louis would be nothing more than a good shag. Louis was not dumb, Travis had been trying to get into his pants for these past few years. From the texts at night he’d received ranging from _I’ve got feelings for you baby_ and _I miss you_ and _do you wanna come over babe?_ And other stupid shitty chat up lines he’d use to woo Louis. Travis was what Louis called a fuckboy, and it’s definitely not his first time ever dealing with one either.

And no matter how hot Travis was, Louis wouldn't ever sleep with him.

“And yet you’re here?” Louis questioned as he put his beer down and crossed his arms, leaning against the table. “Unless I take it you’re looking for a lucky suitor for the night.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong. I’ve got needs.” Travis sounded so smug, and Louis was just so glad he knew Travis well enough to know his intentions. “But now I’ve got you, and that’s all I want.” He winked, and Louis wasn't sure to be charmed or disgusted.

Back in the day before Sean and Harry, he’d be taken by Travis. Loving the chat up lines and all the attention on him. Possibly going with him to his place just to heavily snog with the chance of giving a blowjob. But that was eighteen year old Louis who was naive and just wanted someone to call his. Wanting to have these intimate first times with someone he knew he could trust and love. But in a way Louis looked back when things ended with Sean and Harry, it made him smarter. Guarded to stay the hell away from guys because all they do is break your heart. That’s why Louis won’t let Travis fuck him or go on any of those dates his mum tries to set him up on. Louis doesn’t want to be broken more than he already was.

So Travis could keep dreaming because Louis wasn’t interested.

“Are you sure about that? I’m not exactly the life of the party tonight.”

“Well, obviously. I really fucking like you.” Travis commented as he licked his lips.

Oh boy, Louis didn’t have a strong enough beer for this…

“If you’re so fond of me, then why are you out here trying to look for a quick fuck instead of trying to charm me?” Louis was curious what exactly this guy’s logic was when it came to pulling. Truly, because it made no sense to be hung up on one guy and then fuck anyone else because the other won’t sleep with you. Like, Louis doesn’t get it. Which is why one night stands are a bad idea. “I don’t like to share, you know.”

“Well, I’ve got to have options, babe.” Travis really must have thought Louis should be impressed with that. “But the only one here that I want is you, you’ve got my attention for the night.”

“Lucky me.” Louis muttered under his breath as he took a sip of his beer.

Louis nearly spit it out when he felt his phone buzz against this thigh twice. Louis was almost certain it was his mates finally noticing he wasn’t there. But oh well, Louis’d get back to them later, he too busy trying to deal with Travis’s shenanigans to deal with his mates. If that was who messaged him.

“So I take it you’re still single then?” Travis inquired as he leaned in a little more.

“Is it that obvious?” Louis knew he being kind of a dick, but he just wanted to be left alone.

“I mean you’ be with him if it were the case, not here looking beautiful in that top, all alone.” Travis purred out, and Louis looked down to what he had on. It was a white scoop neck, not exactly what Louis would call attractive. “Good thing I’m here to save your night, baby.”

“And what exactly is this _saving_ you’ll be doing? I’d love to know.” Louis said as he felt his phone go off again. “Because I’m actually fine drinking by myself.” It was not like Louis needed someone here to keep him company. Sure, Louis lived to socialise and be surrounded by interesting people. It was one of those nights where Louis wanted to drink alone.

Travis leaned in more, probably as close he could comfortably before he replied, “Because it’s New Year's Eve and you shouldn’t have to spend it by yourself. I’m plenty of fun too, and I’m not just talking about under the sheets either.”

“Let me guess, you consider snogging a fun pastime, right?”

“Well I mean I’m quite good, so I’ve been told, so yeah. I like to touch and feel, so it adds to the excitement.”

“And is there anything else you’re _fun_ at besides kissing?” Louis knew when it came to Ellie’s step-brother; it was like a losing battle. He was either lying to get into your pants to impress you, or he was actively flirting all the while being so fucking cocky. Louis had experienced both over the years, and Louis wondered when Travis will ever get the hint. “I mean stuff like ice skating, hiking, traveling, you know actual things people can do together that doesn’t involve sex.”

“I’m a good dancer, so there’s that,” Travis mentioned, and Louis was getting bored. “Maybe we could go dancing one of these days, show me what you’ve got.”

And that pretty much summed up the rest of their conversation for the next hour and a half. Travis going on about all these things he was good at and including Louis in them. From yoga, massages, striptease, and other things Louis was sure Travis was pulling out of his arse. Doing whatever it took to impress Louis like always and being mildly suggestive about it.

Eventually, it was midnight as cheers erupted through the small pub and Louis had a pair of lips against his cheek. Nearly spilling his beer over because Louis hadn’t expected Travis to do such a thing. Okay maybe, he kind of expected at least something, but not that. Not a peck on the cheek. Nor did he think Travis would go off and buy Louis another beer after that stunt he just pulled. Louis wondered if Travis was really trying his luck when he told Louis it was on him. 

It was weird spending New Years without his mates. Usually, after the new year rang in, Zayn would pretty much kick everyone out except Louis, Harry, and Niall. Having a little after party of their own until three in the morning. Downing shots and any type of drinking game that involved more alcohol. Reminiscing about good times and just having a nice time. Zayn and Liam would end up making out at some point, Niall would be passed out on the floor, and Harry would be there beside Louis. Making sure Louis wasn’t falling over himself and taking his beer away, watching out for him. Telling Louis, he’s cut off and that maybe they should go lay down, always being the attentive one. He has always been that way, even when they were in uni.

Louis pulled up the memories as he sat here listening to Travis go on once again how he got the flat to himself tonight. Louis remembers that first year when they were in uni and went to the same party every Friday night. Harry would be there next to him, making sure Louis wouldn't end up with alcohol poisoning or wandering off somewhere. Getting Niall and Louis back to their beds safely and always staying with Louis while he crouched over the toilet. Pushing his hair back and helping him back to bed. Being there with Louis until he passed out cold. Except there was that one night when Harry had wandered off at some point, leaving Louis alone in the sea of people. Eventually running into his next boyfriend and ignoring Harry’s texts for the rest of the night, wondering where Louis had run off too.

Thinking about all that now just dampened Louis’ mood. He didn’t like thinking about all this now. Because Louis wasn't about to regret his decision for leaving that party all because he was sad. A part of Louis hoped his mates wouldn’t resent him for it.

“As much as I’d love to hear more about your plans for the night, I think I’m going to head home,” Louis interjected as Travis was in the middle of telling Louis he was thinking of a film marathon. “Thanks for keeping me company, Travis. Appreciate it.” Louis honestly couldn’t have gotten out of his seat fast enough and pulled on his coat. Ready to get the hell out of here now that it’s nearing one in the morning.

Louis still had an important text post to write to keep his followers in the know. He had a reputation to uphold, so hopefully, everyone was either passed out or at the afterparty when he would get there. He just wanted to be in his nice warm bed with his ancient laptop, writing out his feelings for the world to see.

“I’ll walk with you, babe.”

Oh, for fuck sakes.

“You _really_ don’t have to do that, I’ll be fine.” Louis voiced as he zipped up his parka. Not bothering to check his phone because he wasn’t feeling up to that right now. Not when Travis slipped on his leather coat and scarf, not leaving Louis alone. Because the minute would Louis pull out his mobile, he was certain Travis would ask why hadn’t Louis texted him back weeks ago.

“Yeah, but I wanna make sure you get home safe, be your bodyguard,” Travis explained as if Louis couldn't handle his own. Which he totally could, he’s grown man after all. “And who knows maybe you’d invite me to yours, if I’m lucky.”

Louis just said nothing to that as he started towards the entrance, hopeful the walk back would be short and sweet.

Unfortunately, about two minutes from his flat, Louis slipped on an icy patch and fell on his bum. His fingers were frozen, and his shoes were damp, it was beyond fucking cold, and his ass probably was going to have a massive bruise come morning.

Travis did end up helping Louis to his feet and told him it was a good thing he tagged along. Pulling off his scarf and draped it around Louis’ neck, insisting to wear it because Louis’ skin was freezing. Louis wanted to rip it off and tell Travis he’ll be fine. That he didn't need handouts, but it wasn't worth the fight. Travis seemed to not have minded the cold all that much, despite his lack of warm clothes which was insane. On the brightside, Louis’ neck was warm.

The rest of the walk back home was pretty much a quiet one, and Louis could feel sleepiness starting to hit him slowly every step he took. Thankful when they reach the car park of his flat, but a frown reached Louis’ lips when he saw Harry's car parked. Great, just fucking great. Of course, he was there.

By the time they reach the entrance of the building, Louis stopped and said, “Well thanks for walking me home… and the scarf.”

Travis stepped a little too close as he stared at Louis and said nonchalantly, “‘s no problem, baby. You can keep it.”

Louis let out a breath, unsure what to really say to that. It was a nice gesture, but Louis had a feeling that Travis wanted something in return.

Not that it should come to a surprise.

“But you know, maybe you could return the favor and ask me to come up with you. We could lay together,” Travis smirked as his eyes feel onto Louis’ lips. “And you could show me how good of a cuddler you are.”

Yup, Louis was right once again.

“Eh, I’ll take a raincheck on that.” Louis should have said no and be on his way, but of course, he couldn’t bite his own fucking tongue.

“Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be back at the pub, just text me, and I’ll be right over.” Of course, he would. Travis could keep fantasizing about this _cuddling_ thing he wants to do with Louis, because it wasn’t ever going to happen. No way, no how.

“I’ll keep you posted.” Louis lied as he gave Travis a small smile before he stepped inside the building.

Thanking the heavens above when he no longer bothered by troublesome men that want only one thing. Happy to step into the lift and just take a breath. Enjoying the warmth around him and eager to crawl into his bed, hopeful he’d stay awake long enough to finally make that damn post Louis intended to do earlier before Travis showed up.

After it seemed like an eternity going down the hall, Luis was finally letting himself into his flat. Nearly having a heart attack when the first thing he sees is Harry standing there, shirtless, in his tight boxers, with his arms crossed. Normally, Louis would be delighted to see such a wonderful sight and go take a cold shower over it. Except, Louis felt like he couldn't breathe with that frown across Harry's face, just a sheer look of disappointment. As if he were waiting for Louis to come back home all night.

“So, have fun with Travis?” Harry asked as Louis toed off his damp shoes. Wondering how in the hell Harry would've known that.

“I guess.” Louis shrugged as tries so, so, so hard to keep his eyes from trailing down Harry’s delectable body. It’s not fair, Harry should know it’s illegal to do this to Louis, and sadly he was oblivious.

“I see that he gave you his scarf, that’s nice,” Harry said sharply, and Louis was taken back by his best mates sudden snappiness. “There’s a love bite hidden underneath there, I take it?”

Huh?

Harry couldn't possibly think… no. Louis would never. Not in a million years.

“No, of course not.” Louis didn’t like being put on the spot like this, especially being accused of something that never happened. Question was, why did Harry care so damn much anyway? Not like should matter what Louis did or didn’t do with anyone.

“But you ditched Liam’s party to go off with Travis, of all people.” Harry sneered, his brows furrowed. “He’s a bad guy, Louis. Travis only cares about getting laid, and he’s practically a walking STI. I just don’t understand why you were with him.”

“How did you know?”

“Because I seen you two walking together out the window. I was worried sick about you, Louis. You didn't text me back, and I had no idea if you were okay. You didn’t tell anyone you were leaving and who knows how many drinks you had before you took off.” Harry stressed, sounding like Louis’ own mum. He really didn't need another one of those.

He sighed, just feeling a bit annoyed he was getting scolded for something he didn’t even do. “I’m not a child, I can handle myself. Also, you know what? I can hang out with whoever the hell I want.”

“I’m not saying you’re not capable, but I wanted to make sure you were safe, Louis.” Harry expressed. “Yeah, and Travis? Seriously, Louis?”

“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Louis hated arguing with Harry. Never liked it when they couldn't seem to be on the same page because it’d bother Louis for days. Even after they’ve made up. “So what if I was with him? What’s the big fucking deal, H?”

There was a moment of silence and Louis could feel the tension in the air, and he hated it. What he disliked, even more, was what left Harry’s mouth next.

“I just can’t believe you’d go so low and sleep with him, because you felt lonely.”

Louis was just dumbfounded that Harry even said that, actually believing Louis would do that. It panged at his heart that his own best mate would accuse him of something Louis would never had thought of.

And it hurt that Harry thought Louis was that desperate.

Before Louis could even muster up a comeback or even words in general, a bedroom door creaked open. Footsteps padded towards them, and Ellie was suddenly beside Harry with an oversized Guns n’ Roses hanging off her body. Louis thought this night couldn't have gotten any worse.

“What's with the noise, boys? I’m trying to sleep.” Ellie whined as she gave one her infamous fake pouts at Harry. Running her fingers through her hair as he glanced at Louis, “I could literally hear you from the bed, Louis.”

Louis was seeing red. It was one thing to bicker with his friends, but when it came to Ellie, she was the spawn of satan. It was like she got off on making Louis’ life a living hell. Ever since she came along, Ellie’s been nothing but mean to Louis. An upright bully. Well behind Harry’s back that was, but she wasn’t afraid to throw out comments when it seemed necessary when Harry was actually around. And Harry always, _always_ took his girlfriend's side because he was such a good boyfriend. It made Louis sick.

Honestly, Louis just didn't even want to finish this conversation or talk to Ellie. He was done.

“I’m going to bed.” Louis snarked as he walked past the couple to his room, slamming the door behind him because he feels there is a point to be made. That Louis was, in fact, upset and annoyed that he felt attacked and ganged up on all in a span of minutes.

Louis didn't waste time changing into his comfortable clothes and crawled into bed. Pulling the heavy blankets close as he boycotted his phone till morning. No longer in the mood to even blog anymore because Louis’ feelings were hurt.

This year was already off to a terrible start, and Louis had this feeling that it wasn't going to get any better.

In all sincerity, that was what scared Louis the most.


	3. II

Seven o’clock at night on Saturday and Louis was irritated.

“Fucking hell, just load already! Maybe if you move it along, I won’t replace you.” Louis threatened to no one, but his shitty computer. Trying to reload the tab on his browser for the fifth time.

All Louis wanted to was enjoy his nice quiet evening on his laptop while he had the flat to himself. Sitting at the kitchen table freely without worrying someone could come lurking up behind him to see what he’s typing. It was the first time in weeks Louis finally was alone, Niall was working a shift at the pub. Harry, he was off with Ellie on a date. So, obviously, Louis wasn’t about to pass up the chance of taking advantage of the situation.

Louis had been messing around with his laptop for over an hour now. Which was moving like a turtle and freezing up. Louis was so close to tossing the damn thing out his window. In theory, it sounded like a brilliant idea, to throw his computer at the wall, just to soothe his nerves. Louis was about ready to pull his hair out because nothing was going right. Yet, he was too damn stubborn to just toss out this ancient machine and buy a new one. This had been his baby for years, Louis would never give it up.

He had his laptop since he was eighteen years old, he’d gotten it as a birthday/Christmas present from his mum. The good thing about his birthday being on Christmas Eve was he’d always have a few more gifts than his siblings growing up. Sure, the box may be a prehistoric machine, but it was whatever.

The damn thing had been Louis’ sanctuary away from the world. Where he was free to express himself while blogging and not have any repercussions because of it. It had loads of pictures on it, memories Louis had captured over the past eight years. Some terribly written fanfics he started ages ago that were sitting unfinished in Microsoft word. There was definitely _not_ loads of illegally downloaded music on there. Not only that, but it had some of Louis’ beloved computer games on it.

However, there were times when Louis would tuck his laptop away and hop onto his desktop that was even older. But that was usually a last resort or when Louis felt like playing the original Sims games, which was rarely ever. Still, all Louis wanted to do was get on with his night and just get on Tumblr for christ sake.

But no, Louis, of course, didn’t have the pleasure. It was just his luck anyway.

From the moment he woke up this morning, it hadn’t been his day. First, he woke up with a stiff neck. Second, he got called into work to do a shift at the coffee shop on his day off, mind you. Third, he spilt someone's hot coffee all over the counter. And fourth, Louis couldn't stop dropping things.

It had just been a long day for Louis all he wanted right now was one thing.

Yet the browser froze up, and Louis tried the Ctrl-Alt-Delete method, but that did absolutely nothing.

Now the browser crashed, and Louis was done. He was just _done_.

Louis heaved an irritated sigh as just shut it closed. Rubbing at his temples and wondering if he should go take a nap because at least that couldn’t go wrong.

As Louis was getting to his feet and tucking his laptop into his armpit. The sound of the front door opening reached Louis’ ears seconds later. A giggle of laughter following that had Louis wanting to smash his laptop into his face. Looks like his night alone was suddenly gone… awesome.

“Louis?” Harry called out and ugh, Louis better not be getting kicked out of the flat tonight. All because Harry and Ellie wanted to have their date here instead, it wasn’t the first time that had happened. Louis hoped not, he didn’t want to go visit Niall at the pub until closing time, he wanted to relax.

Was that really so much to ask for?

“Yes, Harold?” Louis shouted back as he flipped off the kitchen light and went to go see what his best mate wanted. Biting back a frown as his chest felt unbelievably tight when the first thing he saw was Ellie giving Harry little kisses on the neck, and her hand pressed on the center of his waist. As if she did it on purpose to spite Louis.

Louis cleared his throat, not needing to see more of this because it was making him feel not so good. Not when Harry was standing there smiling and telling Ellie to hold off until later. Just the thoughts of them being so intimate really just wasn't something Louis ever wanted to think about.

Unfortunately, he had the joys of hearing them in bed more times than he could count because his room was right next to Harry’s. And Louis would always lay there feeling ill with tears threatening to shimmer in his eyes. Ending up getting up and taking a late night walk because it got too much for him. The thoughts of Ellie being all over Harry and touching him in all the places Louis once had, it panged at his heart. It just wasn't worth the torture to stay, and Louis prayed it wasn’t one of those nights.

“Hey, so Ellie and I were thinking-” Harry started to say, but Louis held up his hand knowing his mate didn’t even have to finish that sentence. Already knowing his fate when he spoke up over Harry.

“You don’t even have to ask, I’ll just keep Niall company for the night, sure he needs help with his fake relationship thing.” Louis still thought Niall was a fucking fool for even going through with it. It had been two weeks since Niall entertained that terrible lie and he was still telling Donovan he met someone. “I’ll just go get dressed and head out.”

Louis was about to turn on his heels until Harry replied, “What? No- Louis, we’re not kicking you out.”

“You’re not?” Louis was confused, because then what could it be?

“No, we’ve already went to dinner. But, Ellie had this brilliant idea that maybe you’d like to join us?”

“And be a third wheel? I don’t think that sounds fair.” Louis wasn’t up to hanging around them. “I think I’d rather just be out of your hair than anything.”

Harry shook his head before he said, “Well I mean we could invite Zayn and Liam over too. Make it a friends night?”

“And, now that makes me I’m a fifth wheel.” Louis pointed out as he adjusted his laptop, feeling it starting to slip. Not appreciating that glare Ellie was giving him as Harry was too busy with his attention on Louis.

“Oh come on, Louis. We get it, you’re single. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with us.” Ellie stated, and Louis wanted to scream. Of course, make it sound like Louis is just so miserable being alone. “If you want I could invite Travis over if that makes it better? I’m sure he’d be happy to keep you company.”

“For the last time, I’m not into him,” Louis stressed, feeling irritated that Ellie brought up that stupid situation. “And I never will be, so please just leave it alone.”

“Calm down, Lou.” Harry commented. Louis wasn't sure if he could just _calm down_ because Ellie was pressing all of Louis’ buttons right now. Harry flicked his gaze to Ellie before he added, “I get that he’s family and you want to help him, but I just don’t think Louis’ the right one, El.”

Thank god, at least Harry was on Louis’ side for once. It was bad enough Louis had already been accused of hooking up with Travis by Harry. Who later apologized when Louis gave him the cold shoulder for a few days and told Louis that he jumped to conclusions. So they made up with some hot cocoa and catching up about their days. But of course, Ellie was still hanging onto it, and Louis wished she’d stop. It was annoying.

“But Trav’ really like Louis, I think they’d make a cute couple.” Ellie pleaded as she leaned in a little closer. “I think double dates would be fun, right?”

“Yeah, but not with him.”

Louis’ lips pressed together as Ellie went on to tell Harry that there was nothing wrong with Travis. He may seem promiscuous, but he cared. He had relationships before, and they lasted a while. But Harry wasn’t having it, saying that Travis just had too much baggage and was not exactly boyfriend material for Louis. Discussing Louis’ love life as if it was their god given right.

And this was why Louis didn’t ever talk about it.

Because the moment someone wanted Louis or flirted with him, it turned into a big deal. Given, Louis had been single for three years now and had yet to be on a single date. Always coming up with excuses whenever Jay had found the perfect guy and wanted to set him up. Never giving into Liam’s scams of “ _I found this new dating site I think you’d like_ ” which was utter bullshit. It was not like Louis was incompetent to find a man, it was just emotionally he was not there. Because what was even the point when he was already in love with someone he couldn't even have? Louis just didn’t want to endure another rebound to fall in love all over again with the wrong guy because he knew himself.

It was just an endless cycle and all Louis wanted was to make it stop.

“Okay fine, I won’t invite him.” Ellie gave in, sounding defeated and Louis never felt more relieved in his life. “But I do think maybe before the boys come over in a bit we could use some snacks?”

Hang on, Louis never agreed to spend his night around these two, and he certainly didn’t plan too either.

“We’ve got popcorn, I think.” Harry sounded unsure of himself as gave Louis a passing glance. “But I can run off and buy some sweets, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course, darling. I’ll be fine here, your mate will keep me company, right Louis?”

No. Fucking no. Louis did not, will not, no.

“That okay, Lou?” Harry asked, his eyes back on Louis with a hopeful smile. Probably happy that there was a chance of Ellie and Louis to bond ever more. It just made Louis’ inside catch fire thinking about being alone in the same room as her.

“I guess.” He wanted to bang his head against the wall because his mouth betrayed him.

“You don’t sound so excited, Louis. I promise I’m fun.” Fun, Louis’ ass. “We can bring out all the blankets and sheets, set up for our film night before your friends come over.”

As if Louis wanted to do all that, with Ellie nonetheless.

“And if you want, Lou. You can take my fuzzy black blanket tonight, if you want.” Harry suggested and okay that did pique Louis’ interest. Being able to cuddle into something of Harry’s all night in the cold flat sounded wonderful. Plus he at least deserved something for being alone with Satan herself.

“I’d like that.” Louis could feel the corner of his lips sliding upward slowly, suddenly no longer dreading of what was to come. Because who knew, maybe Harry will end up beside him once Ellie would be asleep, and they would be able to cuddle. It had been ages since Louis got to embrace his love and sometimes whenever they did hug since ending their special relationship, Louis wanted to hold on. But was too hesitant and kept it short. Longing for a second more of being in Harry's arms, only to reap the disappointment afterward. “But anyways, I think I’m going to run this to my room then.”

Louis wasted no time to head off to his room, shutting the door behind him, and almost half tempted to just jump out the window. I’d be kinder than spending time with that brat in the other room, He hoped Harry didn’t take his sweet time and hurried along when he did go.

Because was Louis fucked.

When Louis stripped out of his clothes and pulled on his joggers, his stomach was a mess. Even when he pulled on his warmest and loosest jumper, he felt shaky. Louis didn’t like feeling like this when he grabbed his pillows, tucking them into his arms. He had this ache in the back of his throat when he went into the living room to see Ellie all alone in one of Harry’s vintage band shirts.

Suddenly he felt like he couldn't even breath when he set up his spot adjacent to the couch by the recliner. Knowing Harry was long gone and already off at the market. Lucky bastard he was. Louis would have rather gone himself instead of setting up a little barrier of pillows. But there wasn’t much Louis could do besides suck it up as he was heading off back to his room to grab some sheets and blankets, because you know what? If he had to endure a few hours watching Harry be all lovey-dovey with Ellie, Louis was making himself a sheet fort. A barricade more so.

But when Louis pops out of his room with armfuls of fabrics he can see that snarl on Ellie’s face when she fluffs some of the pillows on the sofa. Louis just tries to ignore the awkwardness in the air as he starts with the roof, draping a part of it over the top of the recliner as he went to grab a chair from the kitchen and sat it far enough to have a roof that won't fall in Louis’ face. Putting a sheet over the top of it, so it draped over the sides for a wall. It wasn’t Louis’ finest work, but it was better than nothing.

Right as Louis as about to head into Harry’s room to retrieve that fuzzy blanket he was offered, Ellie had stepped in front of him. And Louis could feel as if the tension finally snapped between them.

In that moment Louis wished Harry was still around.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Ellie questioned, standing awfully close all the while glowering back at Louis.

“Harry said-”

“I don’t give a shit what he said, you’re not using it.” And there it was, what Louis had been waiting for. Ellie’s entitlement.

“Like I’d listen to you?” Louis shot back, trying to walk past her, but she was quicker. Not letting Louis get into Harry’s room as she was back in front of him once again. “Move it, Ellie.”

“No.” Ellie protested, crossing her arms over her chest, “Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but I’m taking it for the night. Sorry.” Ellie smirked, probably feeling so fucking proud of herself for pushing Louis around like some ragdoll.

And this was why Louis did not want to stay here with Ellie alone. There was always something he either had done wrong, or it was like she was challenging Louis. It was not fair that out of all Harry’s friends she treated Louis the worst. Sure, they started off on the wrong foot, but that didn’t mean Louis deserved to be bullied. He was Harry’s best mate for crying out loud, the one that had known him all his life (other than Niall of course). Louis had been nothing but forcefully nice to Ellie despite wanting to never talk to her all because he remained close with his mate. Niall. Zayn, and Liam never got the scowls or the criticism. Which was one of the reasons why Louis had never came to like Ellie.

“Maybe if you would have just let Trav come over then I’d let you use it.” Ellie advised, and Louis was lost. What did Travis have to with any of this? “Oh, don’t give me that look, Louis. I’m not a fucking fool, I know what’re trying to do.”

“I don’t understand, what does Harry’s blanket have to do with Travis?” Louis questioned, taking a step back, wanting to distance himself from Ellie. But to no avail, she took a step closer. It was like she was actively trying to make Louis uncomfortable in his own home.

Ellie let out this heavy sigh. “Because you need to back off, that’s why.” She snapped, taking another step closer that was too personable for Louis. “And why don’t you do everyone a favor and get over yourself.”

The corners of Louis’ lips twitched downward, not liking being talked down. It made him feel so small, and he hated that he took things to heart. He felt trapped because Ellie got the upper hand on him. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.

“Harry’s mine.” Ellie seethed out before she turned on her heels and went into Harry's room.

Louis stood there contemplating on ditching this stupid gathering and join Niall instead. He surely wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself, not when Ellie had been nothing but cold to him. He felt like he wouldn’t even be able to have a proper conversation with Harry alone tonight. Ellie was bound to come between them at some point. Whether it would be in the kitchen or in the bedroom, she’ll be there. Doing whatever it took to steal Harry away because apparently she felt threatened? Maybe. Whatever it was, truly put Louis’ mood into the lowest of the lows.

After that, Louis retreated back into his room, tempted to just grab his blue throw blanket that was sat on his desk chair to at least stay warm. It wasn’t exactly thick, but it worked. It was already freezing in the flat, so he wouldn’t be shivering under the sheets. Where he’d be alone while everyone else will be so cuddly and happy on the couch. Maybe Louis could hide himself enough that he could just be on his phone the whole time in his blanket cocoon. It was not like he had anyone to snuggle with or got to have Harry’s blanket because Ellie was being a brat. Besides Louis originally had plans to be on his computer for most of the night and truthfully, he just wanted something to keep him from feeling so alone in a room full of people.

When Harry came back from his snack run, Ellie to no surprise was already at Harry’s side, doing the most and touching him a little more than usual. Louis just stood there behind them, hearing him go on about all the sweets he got, but all Louis could focus on was Ellie’s hand in Harry’s back jean pocket. He made him want to go over there and squeeze himself between them. Feeling even worse when Harry said something about getting Louis’ favourite ice cream and Ellie glanced over her shoulder, nothing but daggers in her eyes.

And Louis could feel it, her piercing gaze. That Ellie knew Louis cared a little too much for Harry and it was not okay. That Louis knew she wanted him to jump off the face of the earth and never talk to Harry again. It was not like it wasn’t obvious, Louis picked up on this over the years she had been around. From everything Ellie's told Louis earlier to all the times, she would intervene into Louis’ alone time with Harry. Making herself the important one and being disgustingly affectionate in front of Louis. Flaunting around wearing Harry's clothes in the early morning when Louis was the only one up. Giving him many dirty looks and just absolutely callous towards him alone.

It was hard when she was around, and not just because of Louis’ unrequited love.

He felt as if no matter how hard he tried to make like of the unfortunate situation, it still pulled at his heartstrings.

“Zayn and Liam should be here any minute, how about you and Lou decide on a film?” Harry questioned as he glanced at Ellie. Louis didn’t want to be alone with her, not again.

“We can do that.” Ellie murmured as she leaned up and pressed her lips against Harry. Her hand slid out of his pocket to the small of Harry’s back.

Louis could feel his heart in the pit of his stomach, and his eyes fell onto his black socks. His ribs felt like they were squeezing so tightly and Louis just needed to get the hell away. Sneak into a sheet fort and protest the whole night. This was why Louis hated being around them together. It was uncomfortable.

“Come on, Louis.” Ellie stated, grabbing Louis by the arm quiet tightly and dragged him back out into the living room. Louis could feel her nails digging through his jumper as she pulled him close, and said lowly in his ear when she knew Harry couldn't see them. “Remember what I said or I’ll ruin you.”

Louis swallowed as she let go suddenly and Louis stood there gently rubbing at his arm. Watching as the corners of her lips slide upward as she pushed Louis away a bit when they heard loud voices out in the corridor. The front door opened to let Liam and Zayn in wearing their softest attire with bunches of warm blankets tucked in their arms.

Louis was just so happy to see them because now Ellie had to leave him be, there was no way she’d try anything. Not when too many witnesses were around.

“Oh now that’s a proper fort for a film night, Me and Zayn call dibs!” Liam announced as if he had the right to steal Louis’ piece of work.

“Buzz off, Liam. That’s mine.” Louis didn’t want Liam to get comfortable with the idea of having a bit of privacy with his boyfriend. It wasn’t a snogging shack or a cuddle haven. It was meant for one. “And no, I’m not going to reconsider either.”

“We can take the couch, Li.” Zayn added, as he went to set his own blanket on the far side of the couch.

“But why do you get to have your own little space for? Wasn’t the recliner enough?” Liam proceeded to be nosey as ever, handing over his quilt to Zayn. “You could have this whole end of the couch to yourself, and Harry and Ellie would still have room.”

“I’m not trading, Liam. End of story. Make your own if you want one so bad, I’m not stopping you.”

“Okay, enough, both of you! This supposed to be a fun evening, not a night of bickering.” Harry shouted from the kitchen and Liam just heaved a sigh as he joined Zayn on the couch. Putting a hand on Zayn’s thigh who had his fingers in Liam’s hair, toying with the strands. Being stupidly adorable it made Louis’ insides melt.

Louis gave a passing glance to the kitchen as Ellie was far too busy still choosing a movie on Niall’s Apple TV that he oh so graciously let everyone use. So much for Louis to provide any input on a film because Ellie wasn’t about to let him, even if she did put on an act and asked Louis what he was up for, she totally would go to something else on purpose. But that was not an important matter, he had a chance to sneak into the kitchen and steal Harry’s attention. Just have a moment with him and talk. Not have a clingy girlfriend at Harry’s side listening in on all of their conversations.

But he didn’t go with his instinct and hit the lights when Ellie finally picked out the movie _Clueless_ and left it on pause. The TV and kitchen light were the only lights that were illuminating the room as Louis crawled into his fort, wrapping up with his thin blanket and he made it, so the only thing he could see was the movie and the tips of Zayn’s and Liam’s feet.

It was when Louis was about to make himself comfortable and lay on his belly, when suddenly Harry was halfway in the fort with him. With a bowl that had ice cream and a spoon, handing it to Louis.

“Here, Lou. It’s your favorite.” Harry cooed, his mouth curved into a smile. And fuck, Louis couldn’t say no to that. Even if his appetite wasn’t there, it was sweet. “Mint chip.”

“Thanks, Harold.” Louis whispered as he took the bowl, shivering from the coolness of it. The corners of his lips slid upward as he set the cold plate in his lap.

For a moment it was quiet between them, just staying there and staring at each other. Feeling his heartbeat quickening because god, Louis just wanted him to come closer. Push the ice cream out of his lap and shove his tongue down Louis’ throat. Have Harry’s hands on his skin and be told sweet nothings. Louis wanted to reach for Harry and ask him to stay, cuddle him, and keep Louis in his arms.

God, Louis was a fucking mess.

“You’re not too cold, though?” Harry suddenly questioned, breaking the silence between them. Harry was glancing down to his choice of blankets, and there was a ghost of a frown on his lips. “Do you want me to go get you one of my warmer blankets?”

Louis wanted to say yes, he wants to so damn bad. But Ellie’s goal in life right now was to make his miserable. Take every piece of Harry away so Louis couldn't touch him anymore. And he knew if Elie was just one person and could stand up to her if she made a fuss over Harry giving Louis something to cover up with. It was just, Ellie was vindictive, and she just screamed someone that would take any chance to ruin Louis.

It was a shitty situation, and Louis wished he could talk to Harry about it. Wondering why Ellie had to be the one he come to like. Why he choose her over Louis, it made no sense. Louis wasn’t mean to anyone (okay maybe he was a little bit of a knobhead to Liam, but that was him just busting balls). He knew Harry’s favorite band was Def Leppard (obviously) and that he loved glam metal (those 80’s bands) and that he got a collection of vinyl records. That Harry had only dated a handful of people and that he was not much of a drinker. Louis knew so much about Harry and that he was a kind soul. Louis should be the one to hold Harry’s hand and proudly say that was his boyfriend. His best mate in the whole wide world that Louis loved more than anything.

But, the thing was Harry thought Ellie was this sweet woman that could do no wrong. It was sickening, and Louis just wished Harry could see that truth.

Sadly, Louis thought at this pace that’ll never be a reality…

“I think I’ll be alright, ‘ve got my fort to keep most of the cold out.” Louis finally said as he took a bite of his ice cream finally. “Thanks again for the ice cream, H. Appreciate it.” It came out a little softer than Louis had intended it to be, but just seeing that dimple pop when Harry smiled was rewarding enough.

“Welcome, Lou.” Harry murmured, and then he was gone, leaving Louis the view of the telly.

From the corners of his eyes, Louis could just see that that stupid smirk across her face. Probably so happy with herself that she got to nuzzle up to Harry, rub it in Louis’ face. Louis' just so glad he decided on the sheet fort thing because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make it through this film. Which he actually had seen countless of times thanks to many years of babysitting his sisters and their love for this coming-of-age movie. It wasn’t bad, but Louis had seen it one too many times even enduring the sitcom which wasn’t very great. Because obviously, Alicia Silverstone was a way better Cher Horowitz than Rachel Blanchard. And that was a fact.

At some point during the film, Louis had ended setting his bowl of half melted ice cream aside and laid on his stomach. Trying to pay attention and keep himself warm as he could despite his feet being frozen to death thanks to this stupidly short blanket.

Louis thought about what Cher says about Josh, “ _I like this boy_ ” and “ _he likes someone else_ ” and how fucking relatable it was for him. He wished he could just talk to one of his mates and express himself. Too afraid they’ll just tease him about it or think he was messing around. Make a huge deal of it, and one way or another Harry would find out.

And Louis couldn’t have that happen.

As he laid there, he suddenly heard seven text tones sounding off, and he blindly grabbed his phone that was tossed aside in the pile of sheets. Tapping on the screen as it and seeing that he had a significant amount of likes and a follow on Instagram from _couldtellalove_ , he wondered who that could be that was trying to grab his attention. So without a thought, Louis tapped on the notification of the follow because he was damn curious and that was when Louis just stared at his mobile for a moment.

Louis felt as if all the air in his lungs was suddenly no longer there and there was a sudden heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Louis didn’t know what to think right now as he scrolled down the profile. Feeling utterly sick because how can Sean suddenly think it was okay to invite himself back into Louis’ life. Like, yeah that was just stupid picture likes, and a measly follow, but Louis hadn’t talked with his ex in years.

How in the hell did Sean find him?

It made no sense.

“Fuck.” Louis murmured under his breath as he thumbed down seeing many photos of Sean surrounded by loads of people. Noticing he’d gotten buffer with slightly more tattoos, not that it mattered. But, Louis was gobsmacked that Sean was out there trying to reach out to Louis after all this time.

It was an unpleasant memory thinking about Sean and looking at what he’d been up to over the years. But Louis was, of course, an idiot and kept scrolling like his life was depending on it. Feeling shaky and the corner of his lips twitched downward when he saw older photos. His eyes eventually landed on a picture of Sean and him kissing, and Louis felt ill. Absolutely sick when he accidentally pressed on the photo and seen the caption _Love him <3_. Louis remembered that night when Sean took that photo when they were lying in bed together. Sean had just gotten the new iPhone and wanted to try out the camera, taking many snapshots of Louis, cheek kisses, and a few on the lips. Being goofy and stupidly in love. That was a happier time a few days before Louis broke things off with Sean.

So seeing this photo wasn’t a nice feeling at all and Louis found himself crawling out of his fort and scurrying off the bathroom. Ignoring the looks he’d gotten, just needing a moment of quiet to process everything that just hit him. Louis’ legs felt weak as he leaned against the sink, staring at his phone.

Louis combed his fingers through his fringe as went to press the home button on the app when he saw the notification staring back at him in the far right corner. It was a direct message, _shit_. Louis should not look at it, no. But of course, he tapped on it and needed to fucking ground himself from his cell phone for three months. Because Sean messaged him and Louis felt as if the world suddenly stopped moving.

‘ _ **Couldtellalove:** Hey x_ ’

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Louis just stared and wondered why in the world was this his problem when he had other things that were more problematic going on for him. It was not fair that Sean thought it was okay to do all these things in a span of minutes and think Louis would be okay. Last time he checked, they weren't okay, and Sean cheated on him through most of their relationship. Why all of a sudden did he think Louis wanted to chit-chat with him as if they used to be good pals? Sure, back in Louis’ halcyon days where he was dating Sean, he had become one of Louis’ best mates. That he trusted and enjoyed their conversations. From boring things about their days to random bullshit. Louis loved to hear his boyfriend talk and be up all night on the phone with him.

But since he learned of Sean’s infidelities, Louis had cut ties. He knew if he kept Sean around, one way or another Louis would have given him a second chance. A third, fourth, and fifth chance because he was with Sean for a good chunk of his life. That he was so fucking attached to that boy, it was hard being away from Sean even when they had broken up. Louis longed for him and hated him at the same time.

Cutting all ties and ignoring Sean’s pleading texts begging to take him back. Eventually, those texts stopped once Sean had gotten officially involved with the other boy he was with. So, why in the hell should Louis give him a chance to talk?

It had been three years, and suddenly, he was coming crawling back. It made no sense.

Right as Louis was about to pocket his phone and take a long sigh, he heard a loud pounding against the door. Harry was there, “Louis, is everything alright?”

Oh no. Nope. Louis was not about to tell Harry about his unfortunate discovery, he didn’t want to talk about it. Not when it had a bitter taste in Louis’ mouth, and he was thinking about some of those memories he had with his ex. Trying to come up with some valid reasons why Sean was back now all of a sudden and trying to get Louis to notice him. Not only that, but Harry hated Sean.

Louis didn’t want to hear Harry get into the whole “ _Don’t fall for it_ ” spell all over again. The first time Harry had given it to Louis was when he’d received a text asking to talk. Harry told Louis to not do it. He was going to manipulate you into getting back with him and promise all these lies. Saying Sean was rubbish and didn’t deserve Louis, that if he actually cared he wouldn’t have risked it all. That it was just a bad idea and that Louis shouldn’t talk to him. Just a whole rant on why Sean shouldn't be given the time of day because he ruined that.

Not only that, but Louis wasn't even sure if he could put it into words. That his ex-boyfriend wanted to talk, it was just… strange.

“Yeah, just had to answer a call is all.” He lied as he opened the door, greeted by Harry standing there with his head tilted, lips pouted with narrowed eyes.

He didn’t believe Louis… what the hell was he going to do? He should have known better than to fib. Usually, Louis was a wonderful liar and could mask anything with a smile. But, sometimes Harry was even better and knew Louis was speaking out of his arse to cover something up. Unfortunately, it was one of those times.

“But your phone didn’t ring, it was a text, wasn’t it?” Harry questioned, crossing his arms.

Louis felt trapped and unsure on what to say, caught in his lies already. Harry was bound to figure this out.

“Eh… it was my sisters having boy troubles, is all.” Lie. “There’s this guy Lottie likes that’s her friend,” Louis was going to hell. “And she wants to date him, but he’s gotten a girlfriend.” Oh fuck sakes, could Louis be anymore transparent?

If that didn’t scream Louis’ situation, he didn’t know what else would. Not only that but it was literally the same idea as those lines from Clueless, the fucking movie they were watching. Louis just hoped and prayed Harry would run with it. It was the only thing that came to Louis’ mind and the most believable too.

“Well that’s unfortunate; hopefully she figures things out,” Harry commented and thank heavens, he believed Louis. “Couldn’t imagine what she’s going through, must be tough.”

And Louis felt like his world just crumbled. Hearing Harry said that he couldn’t fathom the thought of having crushy feelings for a friend. Louis wanted to cry, honestly. Because it was even more obvious, they would never will be more than friends. Not even in Louis’ wildest dreams.

“Yeah, told her there's plenty of willing suitors out there. Just give it time, and she’ll find the right one.” Louis wished he could truly follow his own advice sometimes. “ She deserves a prince charming.”

Harry gave a nod as his face softened a bit before he added, “And so do you, Lou.”

“I’m fine, Harry. I don’t need a boyfriend to bring joy to my life, I’m happy single.”

“Yeah, but there’s someone out there for you too and whoever they are, are fucking lucky.” Harry murmured and Louis could feel his heart flutter in his chest. “You deserve a good man.”

Louis didn’t want to talk about this.

“Honestly, I’ve never liked any of your boyfriends, and I just want you to be as happy as I am.” Harry went on, and Louis wanted him to stop. “Just don’t give up, alright?”

Louis let out a breath as he glanced down for a moment, trying to think of something to say. He didn’t want to crush Harry’s hopes and dreams of Louis finding love. Because why would he? Harry was only looking out for Louis.

“Promise.” Louis finally answered softly as he flicked his gaze back up to Harry.

He had a shadow of a smile on his lips as he stepped a little closer. Louis could feel his heart rate spiked and his jumper starting to feel itchy. Nearly shaking when he was suddenly pulled into an embrace. Wrapping his arms tightly as Harry hugged him. It had been so long since Louis got to do this, be so close to Harry. Being in his arms. He smelled wonderful, like that expensive cologne he wore. Louis didn’t want him to pull away. Bitten back a frown when Harry stepped away and said they should get back to the living room as they were about to start another film.

Louis wasn’t in the mood for more movies, he needed to be alone. Where he could think about everything that was weighing on him. Where Louis didn’t have to deal with Ellie’s antics. But he couldn’t find it in himself to lie as he shut off the bathroom light and followed Harry back into the dark living room that was illuminated by the screen of the telly. Trying to dodge that fire in Ellie’s eyes as he crawled back into his sanctuary and pulled a blanket over him as he laid down. Listening to Liam and Zayn deciding on Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Meet The Parents. Two entirely different movies, but Louis wasn’t surprised by Zayn horror flick. He loved that shit. But honestly, Louis didn’t care what they picked, there was no way Louis would pay attention. Not when he needed to get on his blog and vent.

Which Louis did end up pulling out his phone when it was decided they’d go with Zayn’s gory movie. Not that Louis wasn’t into this kind of film, but he just couldn’t focus. Louis had too much stuff weighing on his mind, which left him tapping the post button once he was on Tumblr because everything was a mess.

_As of right now, I’m in awe._

_Unsure how to process the fact my ex came out of the woodwork and suddenly wants my attention. I just… I… It’s been years. I just don’t get how he expects me to respond to his message like it’s no big deal. I spent so many nights crying over him that I’m not even sure if he even deserves a response._

_Because, he broke my heart._

_I haven’t told anyone about Sean ’s attempts, not even H. I’m honestly not sure if I should tell. Because I don’t want to make this out to be something it’s not._

_I don’t know what to do…._

_-L_

Initially, Louis was going to post about Ellie’s brattiness, but the thing with his past boyfriend was bugging him. Needing to vent it out into the world where his identity is safe and no one could piece together the puzzle. Louis did feel slightly better and seeing in his notifications that he had some asks from anon’s saying _Don’t fall for his tricks!_ And _Block his arse! You deserve better, L_. Then there was the occasional negative anon saying, _Just admit you want you, Sean, back, damn_.

Louis let out a long suffering sigh as he responded to asks all throughout the film night. Not even paying mind to his mates or the film, Louis was on a roll. Getting loads of responses and a few messages. Which was nice that at least someone cared enough to ask about Louis’ life problems.

Eventually, Louis put away his mobile when Liam and Zayn left around midnight. Louis said his goodbyes and sorry if he had not been himself tonight, he was dealing with his sister’s boy troubles. Of course, Zayn and Liam didn’t mind and were on their way once they said their goodbyes. Leaving Louis alone with the lovebirds who were sharing a kiss before Ellie said she would meet Harry in bed and not to be so long. Louis just wanted to have that all erased. Not even wanting to sleep in his own bed tonight because with his luck they might be… _intimate_. Ugh. Gave Louis’ the creeps thinking about it.

But saying goodnight was probably the easiest thing for Louis tonight. Offering him a small smile and said he may just camp out in his fort laden with sheets. Harry, of course, was adamant about getting Louis some warmer blankets. It was a nice gesture regardless, and maybe Louis did say he could use another barrier. Beaming when Harry came bearing his other fuzzy green blanket he stashed away for cold winters. Telling Louis that if he needed more, he could come bother him.

Which was kind of silly because Louis was sure he’d be sweating himself out at this rate if he added another layer. But he told Harry thanks and good night. Wanting to hug him again, but he didn’t. Just watched him leave and shut the door behind him. Louis was left there wondering if Ellie wasn’t here tonight if Harry would have stayed out here with him. Sharing his little fortress of solitude and hang out like they used to. Chat about anything until they would pass out and laugh over stupid shit. Louis wished for it, but it wasn’t likely to happen, not when he saw the light under Harry’s door disappearing and Louis shut off the telly. Using his phone as a flashlight in the darkness as he crawled back into his bunker of plushness. Nestling himself under the warm blankets away from the frigid chill in the air as he laid there trying to pass out.

And that was what Louis did for the next few hours. Trying to dream away the night but all he was doing was laying here on his back, with eyes wide open, and wondering why the fuck he couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Sean.

It was stupid and pathetic.

Niall eventually comes home from his shift and pops into the kitchen, Louis is stuck.

Maybe if he chatted with Niall, it would clear his head. Niall was always good company, and maybe the whole Donovan thing will keep Louis’ mind entertained.

He ended abandoning his fort and padded his way into the kitchen, greeted by Niall stuffing cold pizza into his mouth, sat at the kitchen table. Eating as if his life depended on it all the while chugging down some various cans of opened fizzy drinks. Louis took it that Niall had a stressful night that didn’t involve a break, oh joy.

This was bound to be interesting.

“You’re going to rot your teeth out with all that sugar, Nialler,” Louis commented as he went to the pantry and grabbed the can of chocolate frosting. “Must of had a busy night I take it? I mean why else are you ploughing through that pizza as if you’re in an eating contest.” Louis grabbed a spoon from the drawers and popped down into a seat on the other side of the table. “I mean unless you skipped break to flirt with the heartthrob?”

“As if your one to talk, Lou. That’s loaded with sugary goodness.” Niall gestured towards the icing Louis had dipped his spoon into. “He wasn’t there tonight, got a cold.” Niall sounded so sad, and Louis wished there was something he could do to help.

“And you didn’t think to send him a get well card?” Louis asked as he brought the spoon to his mouth. “You know where you could actually confess your underlying love to him.” Louis smirked as he popped the spoon into his mouth as Niall glared at him.

“He’s sick, not bedridden at the hospital.” Niall stressed, sounding a little too bothered by Louis’ teasings. Generally, Niall always bantered back, but when it came to Donovan, it was off limits. “I’ve tried to text him all night, but I just can’t think of what to say, he probably doesn’t even want to be bothered, anyway.”

Louis sighed taking another bite of frosting, never liked seeing Niall get so unconfident when it came to this type of things. Niall was always so sure of himself when he went off and flirted with the guy. Not afraid to laugh at his terrible jokes or make conversation about anything as long as they got to talk. Shit, even lying about a relationship to the bloke because Niall was desperate to make Donovan jealous. 

Surely, Louis just thought Niall was just putting way too much thought into a get well message. Making him ownself miserable stressing over the three simple words “ _Get well soon_ ”. As if he was crafting a serious novel and every word had to be perfect. Sometimes Louis thinks Niall needs to get his head out of his arse and realise not everything had to be so complicated.

But who was Louis kidding?

Everything that was going on for Louis at the moment was utter chaos, he just sounded like a hypocrite.

“Maybe you could send him a flower?” Louis was trying his best here, unsure if Donovan was into floral arrangements. But it’s a nice thought. “You could be anonymous too, Nialler.”

Niall looked as if he hit the jackpot and Louis hoped Niall wouldn’t pick the most expensive either. “You’re so fucking brilliant Louis! I’ll send flowers to myself next time we work together, it’ll have to show him my boy is real.”

Louis just wondered how in the hell did Niall take Louis’ words and twist them around like that? 

Louis should really stop giving Niall advice…

“Or you know send some to him, like I mentioned.”

“I could send myself the biggest arrangement with the sweetest letter. It’ll be fucking amazing, Lou.” Niall beamed, taking a bite of the pizza crust.

Louis just shook his head as he glanced down to the can of frosting because this was all too excessive for his liking. Niall was really going to make an ass of himself when it backfired one of these days, and Louis felt like it’ll all be his fault. Great. Just so fucking _fantastic_.

“Please don’t tell me you’re _boyfriend’s_ name is George Glass?” Louis teased as he finally flicked his gaze back up at his mate. Who rolled his eyes, pushing his plate aside.

“Of course not, his name’s John.” Niall said matter of factly as he brought one of the cans of coke to his lips, taking a sip.

“How am I unsurprised you’ve went with the most typical name?” If Louis were in Niall’s situation, he would have at least been creative. Like Miles, Atticus, and or Axl. But Louis just thought Niall may have choked and came up with the first thing he thought of. “I mean it’s so… common.”

“Oh fuck off, Lou.” Niall sneered, and he just smirked, feeling satisfied with himself. At least he was finally entertained. “Be lucky I hadn’t kicked your arse out yet.”

“Because you love me?”

“Eh-”

Louis kicked Niall in the shin gently, snickering when he watched Niall let out a yelp and a pout that followed.

“You dick,” Niall then returned the favor before he added, “And maybe I do care about you enough to keep you around. There, you happy?”

Louis nodded, thinking for a moment as he popped the spoon into his mouth once again. If maybe he could talk to Niall, but be as vague as possible. Like use Lottie’s name and talk more about her false boy troubles, adding in her ex was back and she’s lost. Louis wants to just hear what someone had to say to his face instead of hiding behind a monitor. But sadly, Louis’ not even sure how to bring up the topic, no matter how badly he’s aching to talk, he doesn't say a word and dips his spoon into the can.

“But in all seriousness, as much as I love your company even though sometimes you’re a pain in my arse, I don’t think I could hold down the fort by myself.”

For a moment Louis was trying to pick apart what Niall just said. Unsure what that had meant and why Niall was talking as if it were about him ownself paying the rent?

“What do you mean hold it down by yourself? Niall, Me and Harry pay our halves of the rent all the time.” Louis didn’t want Niall to think he wasn’t helping with his end of the deal, because Louis does. Ever since they got this shitty flat together before Louis dropped out of uni, Louis was good about paying on time. Harry was too, in fact maybe there was a time when their rent had maybe been late, and that was because Louis’ paycheck ended up being late. And that was his fault, but it was one time.

Niall let out a breath as he leaned a little forward, glancing towards the dark living room before his eyes were back on Louis. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. I promised, H, I wouldn’t say anything to anyone, but I feel like you should know.”

Now Louis was feeling on edge because god knows what's about to leave his friends mouth. It made Louis’ appetite diminish as he left the spoon in the can and shit, Louis’ jumper suddenly feels itchy and warm.

“So you have to promise you won’t say anything, alright?”

Louis sighed, feeling sick. “Just tell me, Niall.”

There was a pause of silence between them, and he could see that touch of a smile on Niall’s lips. Maybe it won’t be so bad...

“Harry’s going to ask Ellie, to move in with him, and find a new place in a few weeks.”

And that was… not what Louis had been expecting. At all.

Harry wanted to move out and live with _her_. Louis could feel his stomach hollow at the thought, Harry and Ellie sharing a flat together where they could be all lovey-dovey and domestic. Where it was a huge step in a relationship, and it did no help to Louis’ already weird mood. Not only that, but he was angry.

The fact that once again he was put into the dark and Harry acted like everything was going to be okay. Louis was hurt. It was one thing that Louis got these feelings for Harry and hated the idea of Harry and his girlfriend living together but why didn’t Harry say anything? Specifically telling Niall only and asking him not to say anything to anyone, as if Louis wasn’t Harry’s best mate.

Was Harry going to spring this on Louis too? Suddenly announcing one day, he would be moving out and not ask if Louis was okay with it. Louis felt like his whole world just crumbled down, and nothing could make up for this.

“He is?” It came out a little quieter than Louis intended, but it was just wearing on him.

Niall gave a heavy nod, moving to sit back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Was told a few days ago when H showed up at the pub. Infringing on my break because he needed someone to talk to, I guess.”

So, Harry didn’t think for one second that he could have came to Louis?

Not that Louis would have wanted to hear about that topic of Harry leaving. Moving away probably somewhere far, far away if Ellie had to do anything with it. It was like Louis just couldn’t win.

That Harry felt he had more of a bond with Niall.

And the worst of all, Louis had always thought Harry, and his bond was unbreakable.

Sadly, Louis thought no matter how much he didn’t want to believe it, they’ve been slowly growing apart these past few years. It wasn’t just the fact that Harry kept things from Louis. There were those times when they had these plans to hangout like they used too when they were younger, but majority of the time those plans had gotten canceled. Either one of them ended being busy with their jobs, or Harry was off with Ellie. Then there was all those times when they did finally talk, Harry’s girlfriend was usually there. On the rarity anymore, it was just the two of them.

Louis wanted to confront Harry and be bitter as hell, sick and tired of being fucked over. But another part of him just wanted to forget this conversation ever existed and go back to worrying about his ex-boyfriend. A part of him wanted to move him oneself out, quit his shit job, and go back home to Doncaster. It was something Louis was contemplating as he sat here with Niall. Even when Niall ended telling Louis, he was going to binge watch some of The Bachelor in his room at some point, asking Louis if he wanted to come watch. But Louis rejected Niall’s offer, he needed some space, but he didn’t tell Niall that.

Should he move back home?

Like, Liverpool had been great to him, and Louis had created some wonderful memories. However, there was so much baggage that had accumulated over the years, and Louis thought it’d be best to leave it all behind.

This was something Louis would have to think about a little more, most definitely.

But Louis stored away that thought for another time as he shut off the kitchen light and carefully made his way back to his cubby. Wanting to get away from the chill in the air and under those soft blankets. Where he could pull out his phone and vent to his followers because his life was a conundrum right now. First, there was the thing with his feelings regarding Harry (obviously), Sean showing up out of the blue years later, and then there was Harry wanting to abandon Niall and Louis all because of some girl.

Louis wanted to do that, hop on Tumblr, bring up a text post, and write a massively long post.

Instead, Louis laid there looking at the anon ask he’d received in his notifications and he felt sick.

_You don’t deserve to be best mates with H at all. In fact, you need to get it through that delusional head of yours you’ll never be more than friends. He doesn't want you, L. So quit being so fucking pathetic and go with Sean. At least he wants you around. ~M_

Louis could feel the corners of his lips twitch downward staring at that hateful message. It wasn’t the first time he’d received something so mean from the “M” anon. They’d been sending Louis hateful things for months now. Such as telling Louis how he’ll just always be alone and that no one could ever truly love him. That he deserved to be cheated on because apparently, he was such a horrible person, saying he was nothing more than a desperate loser that would never find love.

Sometimes those messages, whether Louis wanted to admit or not, affected him. Like, he got it. He was single, had feelings for the most unattainable guy, and had a rough dating life. But when someone tore him down like that nearly everyday, it took a toll on him.

Louis could take a few hits from time to time, but sometimes he wished he wasn’t the type of person to take things to heart. Because the moment a horrid person came into Louis’ life, they used it against him.

Maybe one day Louis would eventually learn to block the negativity out of his life.


	4. III

It was the day before Harry's birthday, and Louis honestly thought he was going to lose his head.

Well, not literally.

However, spending his precious afternoon (which he had off by the way) with Harry and Ellie wasn’t something he planned on. No, of fucking course not. Louis wanted to head off to the shops and get Harry one more gift. Maybe if they hurry along this Monopoly game they were playing Louis could leave sooner rather than later.

It wasn’t like Louis needed to buy yet another present, he’d gotten Harry a record player with a few vinyl records to pair. Sure, it may seem excessive and overly expensive as Louis wasn’t filthy rich or anything. But, ever since he could remember they’d always give each other decent gifts for their birthdays. One year for Louis’ nineteenth birthday, Harry had gotten Louis all the seasons of the show Friends. Louis had given Harry a collection of tapes (mostly classic rock) with a tape player for his sixteenth birthday. So you get the idea, every gift was quite extraordinary.

Louis just wanted to top it off with a storage case for the records with a lovely birthday card, that’s it. Hell, maybe Louis will also get Harry cake too since his mate never mentioned anything about a party.

“I want to buy Oxford Street, darling.” Ellie announced towards Harry ( whose always the banker), she’s got this half of a smile on her face. Like she thriving by taking a sweet victory away from Louis after finally getting that last green property. It’s not like Louis hadn’t had Bond Street and Regent Street for a fucking reason. “Sorry, Lou.”

Louis bit his tongue when Harry handed her the deed card. It wasn’t the first time she’s done this either, Taking Mayfair away when Louis had Park lane. Then there’s Old Kent road, and she took Whitechapel Road too. Yeah, it may be some silly game, but it was frustrating. They’ve been at this for over an hour now, and Louis already wanted to declare bankruptcy.

“On the bright side, Louis, you almost got all the train stations.” Harry pointed out as he rolled the dice.

“I’m pretty sure you can’t put houses on those,” Louis replied, watching Harry move his top hat token twelve spots across the board. “And you owe me £28 for Bond street, Harold.”

Harry counted out all his notes as he quipped, “Always so demanding, huh?” Then handed them over to Louis. “Try not to spend it all in one place, hon.”

“Damn, well there goes my plan on buying the most expensive takeaway for dinner, I guess.” Louis schooled his face into a faux-disappointment before he added, “I guess it’s on you then, H?” Louis teased as he watched the way Harry rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“In your dreams, Tomlinson.”

Louis smirked as he pushed his soft fringe out of his eyes and trying his damn best to not pay mind to Ellie. Which was quite hard because she was right there next to Louis, tapping her nails against the grain of the table impatiently. But fuck that, Louis is having a moment of banter with Harry, and she can’t take that away from him.

“I guess that means I have to return your birthday gift for being a dick, right?” Louis quipped, tossing the dice as it was his go, then moving his token six spots. Landing in free parking, thank fuck. “Which by the way, is pretty fucking amazing.”

Harry’s eyes lit up as and was about to open his mouth, that is until Ellie beat him to the punch first.

“You know this reminds me, I actually still have to get you one more gift, babe.” _No one fucking cares_ , Louis thought. “Maybe I should head out for a while to get you the present and have Louis come with me, if you don’t mind?”

Did Louis’ ears hear correctly? Was Ellie just implying that she wants him to go spend time with her? Oh hell no. No. Louis would rather cut off his own foot then be stuck alone with Ellie for a few hours. Louis didn’t know what Ellie was doing, and he didn’t like it.

“Actually, I was planning on going in a bit, by myself.” Louis didn’t want to be accompanied by her. Anyone else? Sure. Just not that evil demon.

Ellie jutted out her lip as she glanced at Harry batting her eyelashes. Trying to get her way as per usual. Louis rolled his eyes, not giving a shit if anyone noticed because he will not go with her.

“Lou, can you please just go with El? I know you always love to have company when you’re out shopping.” Harry pleaded “I’m sure you’d like to have someone to talk to.”

Of course, Harry was making this hard for Louis to keep saying no. Giving bullshit reasons because Ellie just wanted to make Louis more irritated. He wouldn't be surprised if she had something up her sleeve and didn’t actually need to go to the mall. One the reasons why Louis was already shaking his head, taking his token from the board because he was over this game.

“Come on Louis, I promise we won’t be out forever. I just think you’d be great help since you’re practically Harry's family. You know him better than anyone,” Yeah, sure, _family_. If Ellie wanted to call it that, which Louis wanted to throw up. “Besides, who knows… maybe I can help find you a man while we’re at it. I’m a wonderful matchmaker.”

“I’m good, thanks,” Louis replied sharply, not letting her get any ideas. “I just want to shop on my own, I don’t need anyone there.”

Harry furrowed his brows as he rubbed at his chin before he asked, “But you hate shopping alone, I thought?”

Louis opened and closed his mouth, unsure of how to even respond to that. Like, it sucked in a way that Harry and him had known each other pretty damn well. Harry knew too much about Louis’ shopping habits. Sure, Louis preferred to have someone with him, but only for the sake of having someone to chat with. Not only that but to keep him from spending all his money that was very limited. So he understood Harry’s confusion, but whatever. People change, and Louis didn’t want to be alone with Harry’s girlfriend at all today.

“I’ll buy you dinner, anything that your heart desires, Lou.” Ellie sweetly proposed. “Please.” Her face was shining as she clasped her hands under her chin.

One way or another, Louis felt as if this was a trap. That he was bound to get roped into this whether he liked it or not. It really fucking sucked.

“Okay, fine.” Louis wanted to have sudden onset sickness, anything to get him out of this atrocious mess. But of course, that was not his luck as he sat there counting out his earnings.

Louis was one hundred percent dreading this _outing_ with Ellie and hopeful it’d be a quick one.

An hour and a half later, they were about two minutes from the mall and Louis was ill at ease. It was quiet, no music in the background as Ellie drove down the busy street. No words were exchanged, and the tension was so thick, Louis felt like he couldn't even breath. It was like waiting for a ticking timer to go off and Louis was on the edge of his seat.

He watched every building they passed, clawing his nails into his denim laden thigh, and wishing he was the athletic type. Maybe that he would be at the gym where Liam and Harry were. They had always been the gym rats of the group, love to go at least four or five days (give or take) a week together later in the day and go for jogs on most early morning. Louis always thought they were both fucking mad because he’d rather sleep and relax on his time off. However, Harry had always been like that and tried to get Niall and Louis to jog with him in the past, but neither of them wanted to lose their precious time with their beds.

But, maybe Louis should have told Harry that he’d wanted to start getting in shape. Like, it’d be much better sweating profusely and trying to catch his breath then this. But it was too fucking late now when Ellie pulls onto the lane for Q-park Liverpool ONE. Louis hoped maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… maybe Ellie would let him hop in peace. You know, go off do her own thing because come on, Louis knew she didn’t need his help. She just wanted to pry Louis away from her boyfriend with any excuse she could muster up.

It was when she pulled into a spot and cut the engine, but not even letting Louis undo his belt before the silence cracked between them.

“So, before we head off to go to the shops I wanted to talk to you about something,” Ellie announced, and Louis swallowed, reluctantly glanced over to her. Ellie had this stony expression on her face and Louis had a feeling this wasn’t about to be good. “Don’t think I invited you along because I wanted to actually be around you.”

Louis scoffed, “And you think I willingly wanted to be here?” Finally undoing his seatbelt and crossing his arms, leaning back into the seat.

“Well, you sure as hell wasn’t going to stay there with Harry. I don’t trust you around him.” Ellie snarked. Louis thought if she couldn’t trust someone around Harry that maybe the problem was herself. “Besides, I need to make sure you’ve gotten a date tomorrow night.”

“Excuse you?” Louis was lost, because why would he need a date?

“Because I’m throwing _my boyfriend_ a surprise birthday party and unfortunately I have to invite you.” Could she sound any more disgusted by Louis’ presence? “And I think it’d be in your best interest to bring a man instead of sulking around sucking the life out of the party.”

First of all, fuck that. Second, Louis didn’t want to do that.

“No.”

“Yes. You will.” Ellie seethed, her eyes narrowing. “Or else I’ll make your life a living hell.”

In a sense, Louis should feel scared of what Ellie could do potentially, but he didn’t want to be bullied once again. Not today. So he was going to stand up for himself because he was tired of it.

“Like you have any idea on how to threaten me properly. Oh, I’m _so_ scared of you.” Louis mocked fear, shaking his head.

Ellie’s mouth pinched together, and Louis could tell it was getting to her, good. Two can play at that game.

“What’re you going to do? Tell Harry I wouldn’t agree with you about something stupid?”

Louis just wanted to get out of this damn car because it was starting to feel slightly chill in the small cabin. Ready to get away from such a toxic person.

“Don’t underestimate me, Louis. I can fucking ruin your friendship.” Ellie snapped as she moved to face Louis a little more. “Trust me, you don’t want me to do that. Because Harry always listens to me. _Always_.”

“You don’t deserve him.” Louis muttered out because that was the cold hard truth. But Ellie sure as hell didn’t like it, and Louis could see the daggers in her eyes.

“But he chose me, so who's the real winner here?” She bragged, and Louis could feel his heart just throbbing at those hurtful words. “Just face it, he doesn't love you. He never will. So stop trying to come between us.”

And those words hit Louis like a ton of bricks.

“Now, you will bring a date tomorrow, which I think Travis would love to go with you. You will keep your distance from my man, and I expect you to go with my step-brother back to his place when the party’s done.”

Louis tried to bite back his frown, but it was useless. She hit him where it hurt.

“I don’t even want to see you until morning when you’ve got love bites on your neck. Do I make myself clear?”

Shit, Louis didn’t want this. He felt trapped into something he didn’t even want and that no matter what he chooses, Ellie got her way regardless. It was sickening for terrible of a person she was.

“Louis. Answer me or so help me god…” Ellie sneered, and Louis could feel tears wanting to brim his eyes. This was the worst she’s ever been, and Louis just wonders how Harry still can’t see that?

“Okay,” Louis whispered out sadly, he felt like bursting into tears because he felt hopeless.

“Good, because if you would have said no... I would have uninvited you and told Harry you yelled at me. That you called me a bitch.” Ellie sounded very fucking proud of herself with that revolting smug look on her face. “Just make sure to remember later on, to text Trav, he’ll be happy to hear from you.”

Louis thought for a moment if she’d actually do that, lie about something that Louis would never do. Like, Louis knew she was capable of terrible things and could sway Harry easily with her foolish lies. But, his friendship with Harry wasn’t something Louis wanted Ellie to have her grimy fingers on and completely tear them apart. He couldn’t imagine losing his best mate, sure Louis felt a little more than he should, but unfriend someone you’ve known all your life was not something Louis wanted. Because he knew it’d hurt more than being friend-zoned.

“The party starts at seven, so don’t be late to avoid ruining his surprise.” Ellie said cattily. Running her fingers through her hair for a moment before pulling the keys from the ignition before she added, “Now, I’m going to go shop, and you can do whatever the hell you want. Just stay out of my way.”

Louis sighed as he got out the car, not wanting to be around that toxicity anymore. On the bright side, at least he was not stuck shopping with her. Because God knew she’d try to steal Louis’ gift idea.

Twenty minutes later and Louis was sat on a bench looking at his phone screen. The blinking caret staring back him, not wanting to send Travis this message. Louis didn’t need to bring a date. He didn’t even want to really go to this stupid party at all, not when he was being pushed around and blackmailed. But, the thing was Ellie had all the power in her hands, and Louis was helpless.

So, Louis ended up texting Travis, asking him if he wanted to go together tomorrow night to Harry’s party. Given, Louis knew it was a bad idea because of the argument Harry and him had gotten into last time. He knew there was that chance on Harry being upset that Louis had brought Ellie’s step-brother. Probably going to assume something was going on between them, but Louis had no choice.

After sending the message, Louis decided to stop thinking about it and wandered off to look around in some shops. Hopeful he’d stumble across what he was looking for and not running into a certain someone while he was at it.

Louis strolled around for what seemed like hours, going from store to store. Ending up spending a little more than then he intended. He got Harry a sweet birthday card and himself a new laptop case. But other than that finding the vinyl record storage unit was unsuccessful. But it was what it was, not like it a deal breaker but it would have been nice to stumble across one. However, it was getting late, and Louis kind of wanted to start heading back home. Ellie hadn’t given him a ring one and the only person that had contacted him was Travis who was a little too jubilant about their “date”. As much as it pained Louis to sit in the car with her once more time, she was his ride.

But when Louis pulled out his phone and called her twice, he’d gotten no answer, even sending her a text because at one point it was getting awfully late. Also finding himself meandering his way back to the car park to see if maybe Ellie would already be there. Not even bothering to message Louis back because that’s how she was.

The thing was though by the time Louis reached where her car should have been… it was gone. Louis could feel heat flushing through his body and his muscles quivering. Ellie left him. Stranded him at the fucking mall and didn’t even give a thought that maybe Louis didn’t have enough to take a damn cab. That it was too damn cold out to walk the distance back home. Louis should have known better, to even leave the car in the first place. It was like Ellie genuinely was trying to test Louis’ patience.

He wanted to scream and shout. He was _so_ angry.

Louis even tried to get ahold of Niall and Harry, but neither of them answered their phones.

Tears wanted to spill from his eyes because he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to wait for the bus or take the tube. Louis barely had enough money left, and he just didn’t want to spend any more than he had. Louis just put his face in his hand and let out a noisy breath. Trying to calm himself down and wondering what else could possibly go wrong.

Eventually, Louis just sucked it up and waited out at the bus stop, not a happy camper the ride back to his flat. Not even wanting to even get on his phone anymore because it was almost dead.

By the time he dropped off and headed off inside the warm building, Louis was still quite pissed. Happy to see Ellie’s car not in the car park though so that was a plus. However, that still didn’t mean he was over it.

What Louis expected to see when he stepped foot into his flat was for it to be dark and quiet. But, Harry was coming out of his bedroom with a concerned look across his face.

Oh god, what now?

“Louis, why on earth didn’t you text Ellie back?” Harry asked, crossing his arms as he stood in front of Louis. “She was worried sick about you and told me you’d been ignoring her calls.” Louis felt as if he was being scolded because he snuck out in the middle of the night. Shit, last time he did that was ages ago. “Were you seriously that distracted?”

Fuck, Ellie and her lies. Louis should have known she’d pull a stunt like this, making him out to be the bad guy. Louis was tempted to pull out his phone and show Harry the clear evidence of her false accusations. However, before he could even entertain that thought any longer, Harry continued to chide Louis.

“I know you’re a grown man and can handle your own, but next time please just message her back, okay?”

Louis wanted to tell Harry that Ellie could go fuck herself and get the hell out of Louis’ life. However, he just bit his tongue on that and just wanted to go lay down for the night. Decompress and just try to convince himself that maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad. Probably give Lottie a ring because at least she was someone Louis could talk to where it was safe. His sister may not know the details of Louis’ messy situation, but she was a good listener. Not trying to push for more than Louis wanted to share and tell him whatever advice she could give.

Hopefully, Lottie wasn’t busy because Louis needed that more than anything right now.

“Fine, next time I won’t even leave her side, how about that?” Louis knew he sounded kind of like a dick, but he was tired of being scolded for something he didn’t even do. “Besides I did call her back, but she never picked up. So I just took the bus home instead.”

Harry’s eyebrows squished together as he tilted his head, pursing his lips. Looking to be thinking quickly before he said, “You could've called me, Lou. I would've picked you up.”

Louis, did call him, but maybe Harry hadn’t bothered to check his mobile?

“Actually I did try to reach you, but apparently, you were too busy to check your damn phone.” Louis commented as his gaze flicked upward. Not caring if Harry could tell he was annoyed by the entire situation. Whatever, what's done is done and Louis’ tired.

“Oh… I didn’t know.” Harry’s voice softened as his arms feel slack at his side. His thumbs hooking into his pockets and Louis tries his best to keep his eyes above the belt.

“It’s alright, H. Not a big deal.” Louis lied as he let out a deep breath. “I think, I’m going to go change into comfier clothes now, relax for a bit.” Louis was ready to call his sister and lay in bed for a while. “If you want, you can come bug me later to hangout if you’re not too busy.”

The corners of Harry’s lips slowly slid upward. “Yeah, I’d like that. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten to , um, you know, hang out.” Louis could feel his heartbeat quicken at the idea of Harry and him finally being alone together. Actually being around one another without anyone else there and god, Louis couldn't wait. Maybe it’d help him feel better about that party tomorrow night.

“Maybe you could get some sweets?” Louis proposed, thinking that they could have a film marathon tonight. It’d been forever since they had one of those night where it was just the two of them. “I mean unless-”

Harry didn’t even let Louis finish what he had to say, already speaking over him. “Actually I was about to head off to the store, haven’t gotten to eat dinner yet. Not really in the mood for leftover pizza second day in a row.” Harry chuckled, already making his way towards his boots and slipping them on. “I’ve got a figure to maintain, you know?”

Louis for the life of him couldn't come up with something to say as silence took over. Harry had a fucking unbelievable body that was without a doubt beddable. That Louis had touched and kissed all over once before, he had seen all of it. Naked and beautiful. All for Louis through the night for months on end and Louis missed feeling his skin beneath his hands.

What Louis would give to have one more time to touch Harry again…

When Harry finally left, Louis retreated back to his room. Stripping off his coat and tossing it to the floor. Making sure Harry’s presents were tucked under his bed away from prying eyes and resituating his soft fringe. Okay, so maybe Louis was feeling quite excited about this little thing Harry and him were doing in a bit. Okay, maybe Louis was massively excited because it’s been forever and a day since they’ve properly just lounged around together. Not where Harry had his hands on Louis’ bum or Ellie was there trying to steal every bit of attention. Just them, sitting here and enjoying themselves. Talking, bantering, and just overall having fun.

Louis had missed that, and he couldn’t wait. Finally, something Louis could look forward too.

Later, Louis was sat on his bed surrounded by his pillows and warmer blankets waiting for Harry to come back any minute. Not even bothering with the thought of calling his sister anymore. As Harry had sent Louis a text a few minutes ago that he was leaving Tesco and would be back soon. Not to start any movies without him with a smiley face. Louis still thought Harry was a dork for not using emojis in this day in age, but whatever. Louis ran with it.

But before he could keep smiling over a silly little text, he had received a message from Niall.

‘ _ **Niall:** Come to pub! I need you ASAP!!_ ’

Louis did not want to go to the pub. The one time in the past two fucking years Louis actually got to hang out with his best mate something got in the way. Of course, it was just his luck. But the thing was, Louis, didn’t want to head off to the pub and hear about Niall crying over Donovan for the millionth time. He sounded like a shit friend, he knew it. But, couldn’t one thing went right for once?

‘ _ **Louis:** Got plans with, H. Can’t._ ’

And sent. Louis hoped Niall wouldn’t resent him for it, but he’s already in his joggers and nestled under the covers. Comfortable and warm. But apparently, Niall wasn’t having when he texted Louis back quickly.

‘ _ **Niall:** Then bring Harry too, plz. I’m begging here, Lou!_ ’

For fuck sakes. Why couldn’t Niall pester Liam or Zayn about this? Louis understood that they were like family and everything, but how many time had Louis told Niall to not ask him for relationship advice? Louis just felt as if this had Donovan’s name written all over it.  
Sadly, it looked like Harry and his film night wasn’t happening.

‘ _ **Louis:** Fine, but you owe me a pint._ ’

Louis just hoped Harry wouldn't mind and still wanted to hang around even though he wasn’t a drinker. Not that Louis had plans to get sloshed or anything, but he just wanted his mate around.

When Harry does finally make it back, Louis’ already pulled back on his trousers and a beanie pulled over his hair. Harry had this grimace on his face as he set the bag of sweets onto Louis’ messy bed when Louis was sleeping on his green anorak coat.

“Uh, where are you going?”

“Niall’s freaking out, and apparently, all hell has broken loose. He needs us.”

Harry sighed, crossing his arms. “Let me guess, Donovan’s there, and he’s freaking out?”

“I mean what else could it be, right? As much as I don’t want to spend my weeknight at some sleazy pub, I guess I can be a decent friend tonight.” Louis snickered as he zipped up his coat. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want, H. I’ll take one for the team.”

“No, no, I’ll go. We can just want a movie when we get back.” Harry sounded chipper and Louis hoped this better not take all night. Shit, he sounds greedy, but whatever Louis had life problems too you know. “But I’ll definitely drive us there, it’s too damn cold to walk.”

Oh thank god, Louis was hoping Harry would have said that.

“Now I’m definitely going to have to repay you back. May let you decide what film we can watch.” Louis teased as he grabbed his wallet from his desk. “But no westerns, those are snoozefests. I’m sorry I can’t do it.”

“But those are the best ones, Lou.” Harry snickered, obviously joking as started toward Louis’ bedroom door.

“Best ones, my arse.” Louis said waggishly, following after Harry.

When they arrived at the pub a little while later, Louis was at the bad trying down some of his lite beer as Niall was telling Louis he’s fucked. That he told Donovan that “ _John_ ” and him were going away for valentines day and promised pictures. Louis thought Niall was fucking mad and didn’t even know what to tell him. Not even Harry, who was beside Louis, didn’t have anything to say about it other than telling Niall he shouldn’t have created such a big lie in the first place.

“I’m so screwed, now I have to find a guy to go with.” Niall whined before he went to tend to a customer.

“And this is why you don’t lie about dating an imaginary person,” Louis commented, shaking his head before taking another sip of his drink. “Being single isn't all that bad.”

“It’s only taken you a few years to figure that out. You’ve always had boyfriends, Lou.” Harry pointed out as Louis flicked his gaze towards Harry Sure, Louis had always been the type to be in a relationship or seeing someone, but things change. “I mean come on, you were pretty boy crazy back in the day.” Harry chuckled, nudging Louis in the side.

“I was not,” Louis said defensively, trying to bite back his smile coming to play. “They were all just so obsessed with me because I’m fucking amazing, that’s why there was so many.” Louis chuckled, bringing his beer to his lips once again. “It’s a shame they all turned out to be a bunch of clowns.”

Harry licked his lips and leaned against the bar, arms resting against the countertop. His eyes still focused on Louis. “You’ve just gotten bad taste in men, sorry, Lou.”

Louis sighed. If only Harry could understand that Louis had a taste for him too and he wasn’t one of the bad ones.

“Good thing is, I don’t need a man to live my life. Despite what mum says about it, she wants a new son-in-law stat. But unfortunately, I don’t see that in my cards” Louis loved his mother, she was wonderful and always been there for him. He got that Jay wanted him to be happy and to have someone that loved him unconditionally. But, Louis didn't want to have his heart broken again.

“Don’t say that, Lou. You’ll find a nice burly man that’ll manhandle you and your heart.” Harry laughed, and Louis just glared. Not in the least bit enthused with that joke. Harry had ended up reaching over and rested his hand on Louis’ arm. “I’m kidding... I’m kidding. You’ll meet Mr. Right when the time comes.”

“One can only hope, but with my luck, it’s more unlikely than you think.” Louis added, and before he could say anything else on the matter, Niall had come back over. Already changing the subject because apparently he still can’t figure his own life out.

Harry had dropped his hand from Louis’ arm when Niall scrubbed his hands through his dark hair, “Lads, I don’t know what to do… I can’t not go on a trip or else he’ll think I’m a liar.”

“But you are a liar.” Louis pointed out, earning an icy glare from Niall as he clutched his hands against the countertop, leaning in a little closer. “Don’t give me that look, you’ve told this boy so many fibs, Nialler. I’m sure you’ll come up with something to cover your ass.”

“Louis’ gotten a point, Ni. You did this yourself, and now you’ve gotten to figure this out, or else he’ll never want to date you. No one likes liars.”

Niall let out a sigh as he head hung low and Louis just shared a glance with Harry for a moment. In a way, Louis could sympathize with his mate. He wasn’t exactly an honest man himself when it came to the beaus of their affections. Louis new Niall had been chasing this dude for nearly two and a half years, and it’s sad. Just as sad as it was that Louis’ in love with the person right beside him. Louis thought maybe Niall and him could use a holiday, sitting on a beach somewhere and sipping on cocktails. It sounded amazing, not having to worry about their tragic loves lives and treating themselves. But that was just building castles in the air, unfortunately.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll come across a handsome boxer or something.” Louis knew it wasn’t the most encouraging of advice. It’s just he felt like Niall needed to hear something to lift his mood off the ground. “Then he could go with you if you play your cards right.”

Harry nodded, and Niall's head shot up so fast, just beaming. As in all his confidence, that’d gotten sucked out had went back in him.

“Louis, mate. Fucking brilliant as always! I’ll find me a Johnathan and pay him to go with me and play pretend. I don’t know what I’d do without you, man.”

Oh, no.. not again.

“Niall that’s not-” Louis tried to shoot down this yet again terrible idea, but Niall was just too excited as he leaned over the bar, grabbing Louis by his cheeks and planting a wet kiss to his forehead. Then bouncing off to a customer that came up to the bar a moment ago, and Louis could have sworn Niall started to sing along to whatever shitty song was playing throughout the pub in the background.

“You know that mouth’s going to get you in trouble one of these days. If I were you, I’d stop giving him ideas.” Harry suggested, moving a bit, so he was no longer leaning against the bar, and took a sip of his water. Adjusting himself, so he was facing Louis more before he added, ”Which by the way once this all backfires, you do know Niall’s going to be crushed.”

It’s not like Louis didn’t want to protect Niall and just have him forget about Donovan. That he wasn’t even worth it because if Don were interested, he would have already asked Niall out. But curse Louis for being such a good mate that didn’t want to crush Niall’s hopes and dreams. It sucks, _really_ fucking sucks. Louis just didn’t know how the hell Niall was going to out of this one.

“Hey, it’s not my fault he’s misconstrued everything I’ve suggested.” Louis knew he was bound to be the one to pick up the pieces. “I told him, I’m not exactly relationship material anymore.”

“Don’t say that, Lou.”

“But it’s a cold hard fact, Harold. Niall thinks I’m this fantastic love guru, yet I ’ve had one too many failed relationships to even qualify. Sadly, he won’t even listen to me.” Louis explained to Harry as he downed more of his beer. “I get that he admires me and shit, but I'm not perfect.”

Louis watched the way Harry wrinkled his nose and his brows pulling in. He looked as if he were gathering his thoughts and opinions, and Louis couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that head of his.

“But anyway,” Louis said, pausing to swallow down more of his drink. “Excited about your birthday tomorrow?” Louis needed to get far away from the topic of his love life, not wanting to hear Harry telling him in more ways than one that he deserved someone to make him happy. It’s going on the millionth time, and Louis didn’t think he could listen to anymore of it. “I’m sure you’re wanting to be nosey as ever and want to know what I've gotten you.”

“It's just going to be like any other day, Lou. I’ve got work.”

Louis didn’t like to hear Harry say it was gonna feel like any old day. It was Harry’s special day afterall, and he deserved an amazing time. Hopefully that party Ellie was hosting wouldn’t be an absolute nightmare.

“You do know, just because you work on your birthday doesn’t mean it still can’t be a good one. You’re turning twenty five! Finally have reached your mid-twenties, my friend.” Louis snickered, clasping his hand around his almost gone beer. “I mean if anything, you should at least celebrate the fact you’ve got a wonderful best mate, which is me: obviously. That always gives the best gifts.”

The corners of Harry’s lips slowly slid upward, and Louis felt proud of himself. “You do know your birthday was like, five weeks ago, Lou. I’m pretty sure this celebration should be about me.” Harry laughed. “But you’re not wrong though, your gifts are pretty damn amazing.”

“Just wait until you see what I gotten you this year. It’s gonna blow your socks off.” Louis gloated, about to drain the rest of his beer until there was suddenly a fresh cold one in front of him. Niall had this biggest smirk on his face, and Louis didn’t appreciate that his mate was looking at him like that. “What, Niall?”

”Someone’s got an admirer.” Niall divulged as he pushed the beer towards Louis. “Who would’ve thought you’d score a free drink from sitting here looking pretty.” Niall chuckled before he glanced to the left for a moment before his eyes were on Louis. “I mean he’s actually really fucking hot, Lou. The one with that tattoos.” Niall gestured towards where he glanced before going off to help with another customer.

It wasn’t the first time Louis was ever given free drinks because of sketchy men. Louis knew this drink had intentions behind it, where Louis should go over there and sit with the guy. Hear all his shitty life stories that would have to be impressive and how attractive Louis was. Possibly at one point reaching to put his hand on Louis’ body somewhere with hopes of taking Louis home with him.

Those were the kind of men Louis knew would get him into trouble.

“I don’t know what the hell Niall’s on about, that guy isn’t even that cute.” Harry commented, as Louis' eyes followed in the direction Niall had been looking. Leaning over the bar bit to get a better look and scanning the people. His eyes landing on a man with inked up arms and all muscle. Well, Niall wasn’t wrong; he was gorgeous. But, Louis wasn’t interested.

“Are you blind, Harold? He’s fit.” Louis stated as the man smirked at Louis, giving him a wink. Louis didn’t want this guy to get the wrong idea, so he went back to staring at Harry. Which by the way, he didn’t seem to agree with what Louis said with that pinched expression on his face.

“He’s an average joe, actually.” Harry countered, crossing his arms. “Besides a guy like that scouting the pub for a one night stand, I wouldn’t trust him.”

“Obviously. Not like I’m going to waltz over and chat him, I’m not that desperate.” Louis laughed, finally taking the last sip of his drink. “Unless I’m in for another free beer… possibly.”

Harry seemed to not have been impressed with that idea when he rebuked, “But, would it even be worth it though? One way or another he’s going to think you’re going to go back to his for the night if anything.”

“But I wouldn’t go with him, that’s the thing, H. It’s called me getting a free pint.” Louis didn’t understand why Harry was getting so worked up over it. Not like Louis was going to actually go over there and schmooze his way to getting another drink. Or you know hook up with that man. Frankly, Louis could go off with anyone he wanted, whether Harry agreed or not.

“I could always buy you another, how about that?”

“Or if I wanted I could go get a free drink which is even better.”

And before anything else was said, Niall was back lingering around them as he was filling glasses and mixing drinks. Eventually muttering out, “You should go over there, Lou. Maybe then you’d finally get laid after all this time.” Niall laughed, clearly joking. “I mean, it’s worth a shot, right?”

“Oh fuck off, Niall.” Louis snapped, taking a drink of his other beer. “Just because I haven’t properly been with a gentleman in what? A few years doesn’t mean I need to go off and shag the first man that shows interest in me.”

“I think it’s a shit idea anyway, Niall. Who knows what that man's intentions are besides the obvious.”

“I mean it’d be a whole different story if he was Chris Messina, then I’d probably reconsider.”

“He may not be a handsome actor or anything, but the mans really fucking sexy, Lou. Just go for it.”

Louis was about to come up with a clever remark, but suddenly Harry’s sneered, “You know what, just do whatever the hell you want, Louis.” And then he stormed off into the crowd. 

That was… strange.

Louis shared a look with Niall for a moment, unsure what to make of that. Harry had never acted that way before whenever Louis would joke around about sleeping with thirsty men. In fact, usually, Harry just laughed along and added to the humor of it all. But, maybe Harry wasn’t in the mood for jokes tonight?

Whatever the case, it didn’t sit well in Louis’ stomach.

“Sheesh, what's his problem?” Niall muttered as he shook his head and then tending to another customer.

Louis let out a breath as he took another drink, wondering if maybe he should go after Harry. Ask him what the hell was that all about and what did he mean by _do whatever the hell you want_. Louis took one more sip of his beer and was about to walk off until he felt his phone buzzing against his thigh. Shoving his hand in his pocket to retrieve the damn thing because Louis was sure this had to be work-related asking him to cover pick up an extra shift this weekend.

Ugh, Louis had hoped not...

But the thing was, when he had his phone in front of his face Louis felt like chucking his phone against the wall. This was definitely didn't have anything to do with picking up a shift. He recognized this number from anyway after spending years of memorizing it back when he was the happiest.

It was Sean, and Louis never felt more nauseous in his life.

Given, Louis had deleted his number a long time ago when Sean started dating his secret lover. Not wanting to stare at his name every time he scrolled through his contacts or his messages in his phone. Louis deleted everything, but apparently, Sean still kept his.

And Louis was unsure whether or not he should just ignore it, because maybe it was a fluke? Maybe Sean thought he saved another Louis’ number that he pulled at some club? It had to of been because Sean should have gotten the hint when Louis never messaged him back.

So, Louis lets it run its course. But once it ended, Sean was ringing again, and Louis bit his lip.

Niall was back over and asked, “You look a little pale, mate. Seen a ghost or something?” Louis would definitely had preferred a ghost, actually. But sadly, that wasn’t the case.

“Um… I’ll be right back. Gotta take a call.” He told Niall before finding himself striding across the pub, trying to make his way outside.

Louis’ heart was beating erratically when the frosty air hit him, and he leant against the building, pressing the answer button. Bringing it to his ear and all Louis asks himself is why was he doing this to himself?

“Hello?” Louis answered softly, feeling his stomach begin to roll as he stuffed one of his hands in the pockets of his trousers. Nearly cursing at himself for forgetting his coat because it was still winter and he already was feeling the cold seep through his jumper.

“Louis... It’s Sean.” His voice husky just like Louis had remembered. “I know you probably still don’t wanna talk to me, but I was hoping you’d give me a chance.”

A chance? Did Sean mean another chance at getting back together?

Because hell no, Louis didn’t want to fall back in love with Sean thinking all the trust would be re-built, only to find out Sean would have fucked someone else behind his back. Louis can’t do that to himself.

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a calming breath.

There was a pause on the line for a moment, and the air sent a shiver down Louis’ spine. Half tempted to head off back inside to grab his parka, but he felt as if he couldn’t move. Feet cemented to the ground, almost afraid of what was going to leave his ex-boyfriend’s mouth.

“I wanna have dinner with you so we can talk,” Sean said carefully, probably hopeful Louis would agree. “I know I don’t deserve it, but please, babe. Just, let me have this.”

Louis wanted to scream into the phone and tell Sean to go to hell. To block his number and forget him like yesterday’s news. But, he couldn’t find it in himself to do that, not when he caught sight of Harry stepping outside the pub in his coat with Louis’ on his arm.

Shit, Harry couldn’t know who he was on the phone with right now.

“I’m a changed man,” Sean added and Louis wondered how true that was. “ I swear I only want to talk, nothing else.”

Louis’ mouth felt dry with Harry standing beside him, and Sean on the other end of the phone, waiting for an answer. Fuck, Louis wanted to curl into a ball and die! Everything felt like it was closing on him.

“ Yeah… we can meet for dinner.” Louis wanted to smack himself round the head because it was such a stupid idea, he already knew it. But, maybe Sean had a reason to beg Louis for it, as he been quite desperate for Louis’ attention for days now.

Harry’s brows furrowed and Louis couldn't look Harry in the eyes, crossing his arm against his waist. Feeling the air getting chillier and staring at his damp shoes on the snow covered pavement.

“I promise you won’t regret it. I’ll take us to the nicest restaurant in Liverpool, and you don’t even have to worry about the bill. It’s on me.” Sean sounded happy, and Louis hoped this wasn’t like a date or anything. “But I’ll text you when I’m available, and then I’ll tell you where to meet me, Lou.”

“Okay.” Louis almost said in a whisper, trying to give too much of his nerves away to the man beside him.

And then Sean hung up, and Louis could feel Harry’s eyes burning straight through him. Louis swallowed and pocketed his phone and had carded his fingers through his hair. Louis couldn’t believe he was going to dinner with his ex-boyfriend, what the fuck was he thinking?

“Who was that?” Harry questioned when Louis finally glanced at his mate who handed Louis his coat. “Niall told me you seemed nervous about something.”

Damn it, Niall.

Louis couldn't even come up with a cover story because it just wouldn't feel right. Harry would figure out he was lying and press for the truth. Which Louis did _not_ want to happen because the moment Harry figures out it was Sean, oh how Louis would never hear the end of it.

“Um… It’s nothing… not important anyway.” Could Louis sound anymore keyed up? “It’s so fucking cold out here, do you wanna go inside?”

Harry lifted a single brow and Louis really wanted Harry to go with it. Head back inside and pretend none of this ever happened.

“Really?” Harry inquired, and Louis nodded, squeezing his coat against his body. “I guess we can keep Niall company a little longer, but seriously… you’re okay?”

“Yes.” Louis breathed out. He watched Harry’s lips twitched downward a little, and it made him feel a bit guilty. After all, they were supposed to be best mates that tell each other everything, maybe Harry was expecting Louis to be open with him.

Then again, Harry had kept so much from Louis, so this one little thing shouldn’t make Louis feel like shit for being secretive.

They ended up heading back into the pub and chatting with Niall a little longer. Louis tried not to give himself away and switched from beer to ice water, not wanting to have more than a buzz. He knew sometimes he hadn’t had a filter, and it had been ages since he had been properly drunk, because Louis was almost too afraid of what would leave his mouth when he was next to Harry.

Other than that, it was nice just hang out and actually spend time with Harry. Trying his best not to think too much of Sean when Harry asked him again if he was alright. Louis plastered on a false smile and told Harry to stop worrying about him so much.

They didn’t make it back to the flat until it was one in the morning and Louis felt giddy. Wanting to hop on Tumblr and just put it all out there, but that never happened because Harry mentioned that he was still up for a movie. Which, fuck yes, Louis wanted that. To finally be alone with him where they could lounge in his nice warm bed. Where Louis didn't have to fight for Harry’s attention.

Louis didn’t care if Harry chooses Jurassic Park or that Harry didn't feel like making popcorn. Louis just wanted this. Them together just like old times.

When the light was shut off, and the movie started to play, Louis tried his best to pay attention. Lying there beside Harry who was awfully close from him. Louis did his best halfway through the movie until Harry broke the silence between them.

“Are you cold?”

Louis swallowed and whispered out, “Yeah,” because it was freezing in the bedroom and his blanket may had been warm, but the body that pressed up against him and arm that went around his waist was even warmer.

It had been a while since Louis had gotten to be in these arms. A genuine smile came to his lips when he felt Harry’s fingers caressing against him.

When Louis woke that morning the spot was empty beside him and a hazy memory of what happened before he fell asleep came back to him.

Louis pulled the blanket over his head and tried to forget about everything that was happening in his life. That he was going to dinner with an ex-lover and he had Harry’s party tonight that he was dreading. Louis just wanted to sleep this day away and pretend it never happened.

Unfortunately, Louis had to work which just wasn’t even fair. Louis had contemplated calling in sick, but he never did that and ended up going and enduring his shift. Not appreciating the impatient customers that got snippy with him if their order took too long. But overall it was an average day, and Louis’ stomach was in knots when he walked home. He had too much on his mind and couldn’t wait to make it back home and just express himself. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so on edge later on in the evening.

But from the moment he stepped inside his flat Louis wanted to turn on his heels and run. Ellie and Niall were setting up for the party. Niall was working on hanging up the black streamers and sort of ceiling decoration. From black lanterns to that obnoxiously giant black and white Happy Birthday banner across the living room wall. Ellie was just fussing with the folding table that apparently was going to fit somewhere in this rinky-dink living room. Honestly, Louis thought this was going to look more like a funeral because where was all the colors?

Wasn't birthday parties supposed to be lively and fun?

All Louis knew was that he wouldn’t be cleaning that shit up no matter how much Ellie whines about it.

Niall had hopped down from the step stool, and that was when he finally noticed Louis and his lips curled into a smile. “‘Bout time you came home, Lou. Grab some streamers because we’re running way behind.” Niall stressed as he tossed Louis a wheel of black crepe paper. “Everyone’s supposed to show in an hour, and we’re so fucked already.”

“And where exactly am I supposed to hang streamers on when it’s already like party central in here?” Louis questioned eyeing the living room and his eyes landing on Ellie whose putting a white tablecloth over the table. “Isn’t it a bit gloomy though?”

“It’s called aesthetic, Louis,” Ellie spoke up, and Louis could just see her rolling those cold green eyes. “Besides don’t even worry about the labor part, me and Niall have the covered. You just go get spiffed up for your date.”

Louis internally cringed and wanted to go over there to pull off that tablecloth and ruin her tablescape she was working on. It had glitter and confetti all over, and Louis knew it was going to be a nightmare to get out of the carpet. So he didn’t obviously do that, but he’d loved to. God, he so would.

“Wait, you have a date? An actual fucking date?” Niall sounded way too surprised and excited about it. Honestly, Louis wishes he could tell Niall it’s nothing to get hyped over because it’s barely a romantic encounter. But, Niall being, well, Niall probably is just so over the moon Louis’ found someone.

“Yes, Niall. I do.” Louis said carelessly as he watched the way Ellie looked over her shoulder and there was a forbidding look in her eye. “It’s not a big deal.”

“ _Not a big deal_. Fuck, Lou. You’re always telling everyone you love being single. You haven’t been with anyone else in what? Three years or so, I’m just so stunned.”

“Which is why you should probably go shower I’m sure Trav’ doesn't want to smell coffee all night.” Ellie added in her own two cents as she finally turned on her heels and came over to them. Taking the streamer from Louis’ hand with a knowing look on her face. “Which by the way he’ll be here in like half an hour, go on.” Ellie’s hand motioned towards the bathroom.

Rude, so fucking _rude_.

“Wait, what?” Niall asked sounding ever more shocked as he scratched at his scalp. “I thought you weren’t into him like that?”

Louis was about to open his mouth until Ellie decided to speak up and Louis wasn't sure to be happy or annoyed.

“I set them up, actually. Told Louis to just give him a chance because Travis is a really good man once you get to know him. Luckily he eventually agreed, right Louis?” Ellie glanced at Louis with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Louis wanted to expose her for the liar she was, but all that left Louis’ mouth was: “Yeah, why not.”

Niall was just speechless, and Louis couldn't handle that right now, so he just legged it towards his room. Needing to get away from them two for right now and out of this stupid uniform. As much as Louis didn't want to put effort into his outfit for the night, he didn’t want to look like he hadn't had his life together. So he’ll go with someone a little more dressier than a loose jumper. A nice black henley should be sufficient enough, and besides, it'll fit the theme.

After Louis had gotten cleaned up, he pulled out his gifts he had gotten Harry. Signed the card and tucked it into a large gift bag. Feeling a bit excited to see Harry’s face later when he opens it, hopeful Ellie wouldn’t try to steal that look away from Louis. He almost didn’t even want to know what she had even gotten Harry herself, afraid it may be bedroom related and Louis just can’t handle that.

Louis was about to gather his gifts and bring them out into the living room when he heard a knock against his door which cracked open.

It was Travis, oh goodie.

“Hey, baby.” Travis greeted as he closed the door behind him making his way towards Louis. “Couldn't stay away from me, could you?” Travis sat on Louis’ bed and lingered his desperate eyes on Louis. “I mean I can’t blame you because you and I both know, I could rock your world.”

“You’re so full of yourself, aren’t you?” Louis questioned as he watched the way Travis’ eyes trail down his body.

The boy let out a chortle as he gestured for Louis to come closer with his two fingers. At first, Louis was hesitant because with Travis you never know what would happen. Then again, he technically was Louis’ date for tonight, and he had a feeling if he fucked this up, Ellie would never forgive him and purposely ruin Harry and Louis’ friendship completely out of spite.

So, Louis moved to stand between Travis’ spread legs, feeling hands on his hips, Travis already licking his lips.

“You look so sexy,” Travis purred, rubbing his hands along Louis’ sides. “So fucking fit, baby.” He breathed out. “Happy you’ve finally given me a chance… been waiting for this.”

This was the part where a flush was supposed to inch to Louis’ cheek and flirt with Travis back. However, all Louis could think about was how Travis probably thought he was going to get lucky after this party. That Louis was going to stay the night with him and let him do whatever he desired. Mark Louis’ neck up and kiss his body all over, Louis knew this was what Travis wanted. Just by the way he was already squeezing at Louis’ sides with his fingers twitching against him. Aching to run his hands over the curve of Louis’ ass and cup all of Louis in his hands.

All of Travis’s intentions were written across his face.

“You’ve spent nearly two years chasing me, don't you ever get tired?” Louis questioned because he didn’t understand how the hell Travis hasn’t given up yet. Louis’ actions weren’t exactly screaming _I wanna sleep with you too_.

“Of you? Never.”

“But you can have anyone you want and trust me, I’m not special.”

Travis slid his tongue across his bottom lip and crooned, ”Don't say that… you’re fucking amazing.” If only Louis were nineteen and naive again, he’d be so fucking swooned. “Besides, any man would be lucky to have you as theirs.”

Louis wanted to roll his eyes because it wasn’t the first time he heard someone say that. But if he was so damn wonderful then why was every guy he’d been involved with never stuck around long enough? That’s an answer Louis would love to know.

”Not only that but you’re gorgeous.” Travis added, one of his hands falling off Louis’ body, and patted his thigh. “Come down here, baby.”

Louis shouldn’t. It was a bad, very terrible idea that would send all the wrong messages. Travis may have wandering hands, and they’d be so close. Louis wouldn’t be surprised if Ellie’s step-brother would try to kiss him.

Thankfully before he was about to open his mouth, Niall came. It was one of the very few times where Louis actually wasn't annoyed someone let themselves into his space. Not even that stupid smirk on Niall’s face when eyes them for a moment could make Louis upset.

“Guys, people are showing up in a few minutes, get your arses out here and hide!” Niall warned them before he left, closing the door behind him. Louis didn’t appreciate that wink Niall sent his way or the way Travis just sighed. Probably wanting to keep Louis to himself for the night, and forget the rest.

Whatever though, Louis just wanted to get on with this night regardless.

Louis pulled away from Travis’ clutches as smoothed out his top, feeling a bit nervous already about being out there. That the rest of his mates will make a big fucking deal that he’d brought a date to Harry's party. Harry will figure it out, and Louis was almost afraid to see how he’ll react when he notices the way Travis touches him.

It was making Louis’ top feel itchy and tight, he hated this.

“We should go out there now… find a spot, I guess.” Louis muttered out, watching Travis move off the bed and was now in front of Louis. God, Louis knew it was a mistake to ask Travis to be his date. This guy was clingy as hell and all up in Louis’ personal space. If it couldn’t be anymore obvious that they were together… Oh god.

“I suppose we have to go out there, even though I’d rather stay in here with you, baby.” Travis grabbed Louis’ hand and gestured towards the door. “Come on.”

Louis’ heart could feel his heart in his throat.

It wasn’t like Louis wasn’t expecting it. The flabbergasted looks on Zayn and Liam’s faces when Louis found them in the small crowd of people. After all, Louis wasn’t trotting around with some boy toy on a daily basis. Shit, the last time they had even seen Louis with anyone was with Sean, and that was three years ago.

So Louis got it.

Not even bothering to make conversation with his mates when Ellie told everyone Harry would be here in less than two minutes. Her fingers on the light switch and Travis was leading Louis off into an empty corner where it was a little more secluded. Where Travis ended up behind Louis with his arms around his waist.

The lights were suddenly shut off, and Louis hoped the tightness in his chest would go away. Trying to convince himself it won't be so bad and maybe Harry wouldn’t even notice Travis shadowing Louis through the evening.

What the fuck was Louis even thinking? Of course, Harry would notice. Obviously, their flat wasn't that packed, the crowd was decently sized. Ranging from Harry’s closest friends to his colleagues. Not only that, but Travis had been awfully touchy so far, and Louis had a feeling this wasn’t gonna be the last of it either.

This was going to be fun…

From the moment the door opened and light pouring in from the corridor, Louis could feel Travis’ arms squeezing a little tighter. Then the light flipped on, and everyone yelled surprise as they came out from hiding, Louis noticed the way Travis hadn’t let go yet. Not when everyone else was crowding around the birthday boy because apparently, he wanted to be greedy. Not that it came to any surprise.

Louis found it hard to look Harry’s way when Ellie pressed her red lips against his cheek and Harry was smiling like he had the fucking world right there beside him. It made Louis feel sick to his stomach and already wanting to toss in the towel. But what was an even worse feeling was when Harry’s eyes finally found Louis and that once dimpled smile soon faltered. Harry knew Louis wasn’t alone. There wasn’t any denying it, and Louis could see it all over Harry’s face that he was not happy. His smile no longer reaching his eyes. Talking with Zayn and Liam, Louis could see it. He wanted to find an exit and pretend this night ever happened. Go back home to his family and go ghost for a week or two. Louis needed anything right now, but he couldn't even move. Not when Travis wasn’t letting go, and Harry gave a passing glance towards the pair.

Then Travis was in his ear whispering, “If you were mine, I’d hold you like this everyday, baby.” then he’s nuzzling his face against Louis' neck.

Louis fluttered his eyes closed for a moment, feeling the warm breath fanning across his skin. As much as Louis didn’t want to admit it, it felt nice to hear someone say those words to him. Louis knows with Travis his tender words are fleeting and not sincere. That he just wanted to tell Louis all the right things so he could have him for the night.

And Louis knew if he ever caved at some point and let Travis fuck him, he’d want more. Falling back into the same routine he did with Harry and ending up finding out that Travis wanted him to be nothing more than a notch in his bed. That was why Louis didn’t want Travis to be his date or be affectionate with him, because it was not fair. It was like Ellie knew Louis got attached easily and did it to have Louis’ heart preoccupied with someone else.

She was such a terrible human being, and Lou just wished Harry would eventually realize that.

Louis at some point ended up turning in Travis’ arms, pressing his hands against his dates chest. Feeling being pulled impossibly closer and Louis could see Travis’ eyes are on his lips.

“You have no idea how badly I wanna-“ Travis started to say, but suddenly Harry was there and talking over him.

“What the hell’s this?”

Louis reluctantly peered at Harry who had his arms crossed and brows furrowed. Louis knew there wasn’t any way to downplay this: him and Travis. Because he was all up in Travis’ space and he’s gotten strong arms around himself. It probably screamed _we’re more than friends_ , and Louis wanted to tell Harry the truth. But, he couldn’t find his words because he didn’t know what to say.

But Travis apparently could, thank heavens.

“What do you mean?”

“Don't be an idiot, Travis. You know what I mean.” Harry said sharply. 

And here we go… just what Louis had expected to happen.

Louis swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he broke his gaze from Harry. Fallen onto Travis’ chest because he’s almost too afraid to see the look on Harry’s face when Travis would tell him they were here together. To see his disappointed eyes, that’ll tear Louis’ heart into shreds.

“I don’t know why you’re getting cross with me, mate. All we’re doing is standing here.” Travis replied, his arms moving off Louis’ waist, sliding his hands to rest on his sides instead. Louis’ fingers slightly curled into the fabric of Travis’ shirt.

“Clearly.” Harry sneered, probably scowling. “You’ve gotten your hands all over him, so obviously it’s more than that.”

“Listen, Harry, I don’t know why you're getting so pressed for. It’s not like he doesn’t want it, he’s the one who asked me to come.”

 _Fuck_.

Louis almost wished he had onset spontaneous combustion. It’d be better than being here in this moment where it made him out be the biggest liar of the century.

It was too silent between the three of them for Louis’ liking. Not even the background music that started playing minutes ago and the chatter amongst the party goers could be loud enough to cover the quietness in the air.

And what makes it even worse is when Louis finally flicked his gaze back to Harry and Ellie’s striding towards them.

Then Harry finally broke the silence. “I thought you said… why did you lie to me, Louis?”

Louis frowned, it wasn’t fair that Harry thought he got this secret life he was keeping from everyone. It was not like Travis and him were actually dating, and besides, it was only a one time thing.

“I-” Louis said, pausing to gnaw on his bottom lip. “I just didn’t want to be alone.” Louis hated the way it made him sound desperate for someone. It makes him out to be a damn hypocrite, and he knows it.

If Louis couldn’t feel any worse, Ellie’s right beside Harry, and grabbing at his arm. She had her lip jutted out, trying to pull Harry away.

“Darling, I wanna show you something in the kitchen.” It was one of the very, very rare times when he was thankful for Ellie’s clinginess. Louis just couldn’t keep standing here and lie to Harry's face to cover another lie. It was just one big mess he wanted to get rid of.

Ellie’s eyes went to Louis for a brief moment, and there was nothing but hostility there. It was mutual most definitely. But he knew the only reason she came over to pull Harry away was because of him.

Whatever though, Louis wasn’t going to mind her much tonight. She may have threatened him into this stupid date, but Louis was going to try and ignore her.

Ellie’s attempting to pull at him again, and Harry seemed hesitant to leave. That he didn’t trust the whole Louis and Travis thing. Probably almost afraid Louis might make a regrettable decision if he wasn’t there to play chaperone. But eventually, Harry must have given in at the relentless pulls and was slowly being led away. Hearing Harry had muttered out, “Okay.”

Before he faded into the crowd, Louis met his eyes once more when Harry glanced over his shoulder.

After that, Louis spent majority of his time trying to at least have a nice time. Which was easier said than done because Travis was constantly on him, touching his waits to his hands. Standing awfully close and saying how he’d be a good boyfriend to Louis. Just showering him with all these promises of something that seemed so far fetched. Louis tried not to fall for any of it whenever he was in Louis' ear or had a hand on the small of his back. Ignoring the comments from Zayn and Liam about how it’s nice to see them together.. Even the double thumbs up he’d gotten from Niall at one point with a shit eating grin, Louis had brushed it off. Some of Harry & Liam’s colleagues had asked Louis how he’d met Travis and how long they’ve been together. It was like everyone was being nosey when there wasn’t anything worth finding out. Not that they knew that, but still.

However, not everyone was happy with the whole Louis bringing a date thing.

Harry wasn’t particularly welcoming of the idea. Louis noticed through most of the evening that he catch Harry staring at them on a few occasions. He always had this sullen pout and his arms crossed, eventually breaking his gaze when they lock eyes. Louis more times than he could count wanted to ditch Travis and go see his mate. But those threatening words Ellie told him kept looming in the back of his mind every waking second. It sucked he couldn’t even go be friendly with his _best friend_ all because of one person that got off on making Louis’ life a living fucking hell.

One of these days though, karma will bite back, and Louis couldn’t wait for that.

At one point Louis was in the kitchen getting himself a drink and surprisingly alone. Travis and went to the toilet and Louis was just so happy to have a moment to himself.

But sadly, not even that lasts long because in comes Harry alone and Louis’ felt a bit faint. Especially when Harry was standing close and staring right at Louis, it was almost terrifying. Louis had a feeling Harry had been waiting to get him alone and ask about things, but Louis didn’t want that. He needed to be in control of this situation, so hopefully, he could do enough talking until Ellie or Travis came showing up.

“So, what do you think of your party so far, Harold?” Louis asked, bringing his beer to his lips. “I mean I would have gone with something a little more lively, but that’s just me.”

Harry stared at Louis for a moment before he opened his mouth, “Louis, what’s going-“ but his words ended up dying on his lips when Louis felt hands on his sides, and someone pressed up behind him.

“Miss me, baby?” Travis cooed, and Louis could feel him resting his chin on his shoulder. His fingers squeezing against Louis’ sides.

“You've only went to the loo, of course, he doesn’t.” Harry snarked. Louis knew this conversation or whatever it was going on right now wasn’t going to lead to anything good. “I don’t know why you’re even wasting your time. Mine and his.”

Louis could hear Travis let out a scoff into his ear before he retorted, “Do you got a problem with me or something?” Oh god, Travis no. Please, no. “You’ve been giving me slack all night.”

“Boys-” Louis tried to abolish this tense encounter, but unfortunately, neither one of them must’ve not heard Louis. Probably didn’t help when Liam and Zayn came stumbling into kitchen all giggly. Laughing over something that involved Jinx and Zayn's sister, Waliyha’s being his arch nemesis.

But that wasn’t a pressing matter at hand when Louis’ got his back up against a wall.

“I just don't want you breaking his heart, that's what my problem is.” Harry jeered, his brows furrowing. “He’s already had one shitty boyfriend, and I’ll be damned if I let you take advantage of him.”

Louis frowned. If only Harry knew that his heart couldn’t be saved and belonged to him already. That it hurt to love his best mate.

Travis scoffed. “You’re acting as if I’m not good enough for him. Which clearly _I am_ , he choose me.”

Louis felt so fucking helpless listening to them bicker about his love life like it was their business. Because either way someone was bound to be upset and Louis was almost afraid it’d end in disaster.

Zayn and Liam had gone silent staring at them as they lingered by the fridge. No longer being touchy and giggly, because Harry was off his hinges instead of having a nice time. Too worried about Travis having his way with Louis and sticking around to lead Louis on.

And Louis needed to get these two away from one another fast. Quickly coming up an excuse once he realized he never brought out Harry’s presents.

“Travis! You know what I just realized? I never brought out Harry’s presents, and I need some help.” Louis spoke up as he broke free of Travis’s grip and grabbed his hand. Louis pulled Travis away without any reluctance thank god. Louis just ignored Harry as he led his date out of the kitchen and maneuvered swiftly towards his bedroom, and closed the door behind them.

Okay, Louis could do this. He could totally get through the rest of this shitty party if he kept Harry and Travis apart. Which may be difficult considering Harry was playing the protective mother hen role.

But maybe if he kept Travis preoccupied and more sequestered in his room, then everything may end up okay.

Louis had let go of Travis’s hand as he went towards his bed, already grabbing the biggest one that had been wrapped. Of course, though, Travis took the whole present thing differently and had his hand on Louis’ arm.

“Baby… c’ mere.”

Louis let out a breath as he dropped the present because apparently, Harry wasn’t going to open his gifts tonight at this rate. Turning to face Travis who's already got his hands on Louis' waist and pulling him in closer. A little too close for Louis’ liking to be honest. The hands on him are strong and clingy. Louis wanted to know if Travis ever actually had been serious with anyone? Not like it matters or anything, but he wonders if he’s been burned in the past too?

If he’s ever been in love with someone and spent many nights in tears because five years of his life were a lie. If he’s ever thought it was his own fault for how things turned out. That if he’d never let his heart get the best of him. If he would have his heart torn apart for a second time because he messed around with his best mate too.

Louis wanted to know if Travis ever felt like running away.

“You want me, don't you?” Travis asked wantonly as his fingers squeezed against Louis’ waist.

“I-“ Louis started to say softly, but then one of Travis’ hands is ghosting up his arm and slides it to the side of Louis’ face. Making his heart feel sluggish the longer those hungry eyes were on him.

Travis smirked and then cooed, “ Maybe this will help you out.” Then Travis was leaning in, and his bedroom door swung open. Travis’s lips were on his and Louis’ quickly pushing hands on the hard chest in front of him as he tried to get away.

And then suddenly Louis heard a heavy thump and Travis was pushed up against the wall, and Harry was there holding him against it. Louis wiped at his mouth when he heard Harry bark at Travis.

“You need to back the hell off.”

Never had Louis ever seen Harry act like that. Usually, he was so kind and may have a bit of mischievous streak in him. But, Louis just stood there because what the hell does he do? Or even say?

What was even stranger was Harry mumbling, “I’ve gotta go.” And here go of Travis. Skittering out of the bedroom and Louis was just so… so dumbfounded.

“I don’t know why he’s angry for.” Travis muttered out, but all Louis could do is blink. Trying to comprehend whatever that was and wondering if maybe he should go find him. Especially before his date got any more ideas and thinks about trying again.

So Louis told Travis he’d be back and left his room, searching every room in their flat, but Harry was nowhere. He wasn’t with Ellie who was too busy chatting with Liam. He definitely wasn't with Niall and Zayn devouring most of What's left of Harry’s cake. Louis just didn’t even worry about his coat and slipped on his shoes, thinking maybe Harry may have been out in his car or something.

And that’s what Louis did and low and behold, there he was leaning against his car in the car park. Under the puddle of yellow light from the lamppost. His face in his hands and Louis felt a bit hesitant to go over there. However, it was so damn cold, and maybe he sort of regretted not slipping on his coat, but whatever. He had more important matters to tend to and carefully treads through the thin layer of snow covering the concrete.

“Hey.” Louis breathed out, watching it cloud in the crisp air. Crossing his arms tight against his body because he’s a fucking imbecile that out here in nothing but tight trousers and a jumper. At least Harry was nestled in his pea coat looking warm in the dead of winter.

They stood there for a while quietly as Louis stared at his mate. Wondering if it’d be okay to step closer and nestle up to Harry. But, Louis didn't even get to entertain that thought for much longer because Harry dropped his hands and let out a deep breath.

“Why him?”

Louis gnawed on his lips as he stared at his friend for a second before he answered, “I already told you why, Harry.”

Harry let out this heavy sigh as he pushed himself off his car, taking a step closer. “It’s like you’re being naive on purpose,” Harry stressed, and Louis didn’t appreciate that leaving his mouth. “Are you seriously even into him?”

“No.” And that was the truth, it’s always been.

“Be honest with me, Louis. You were all over him back there, and you expect me to believe you don’t want to be with him?” Harry snapped and Louis flinched, okay so maybe thanking Harry for swooping in to save him wasn’t going to happen then. “Not to mention you agreed to have dinner with him.”

Louis stood there blinking and his heart sinking lower into the depths of his stomach. Starting to feel so fucking small because he hated this so much and the way Harry’s berating him in the car park in the middle of the night. Louis didn’t deserve this because it was all Ellie’s fault.

And truthfully Louis never disliked someone so much in his life.

“I just,” Harry said, pausing to run his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want to be the one to pick up the pieces again when he leaves you because you can’t see how fucking terrible of an idea this is. It’s like you don’t even get it.”

“I don’t want to be with him.” Louis could feel wetness pricking his eyes.

This whole fucked up situation wasn’t working how Louis had thought. He knew, he fucking _knew_ Ellie would be so proud of herself after this. It’s what she’s wanted, after all, to get rid of Louis. Just any sort of friction to pull them apart because she's the queen of hell. Louis wanted to say fuck it all and just let it all go, but he’s almost too afraid if he does he may lose the best thing in his life.

Because why would Harry leave Ellie for him? Especially since he’s been with her all this time and wants to move in together. Not to mention he thinks she’s some angel that’s so perfect and wonderful.

Louis wanted nothing more to tell him, sure. But in theory, it wasn’t logical.

“How can I believe you when Travis is waiting back there for you, thinking you’re going to be just another meaningless fuck.” Harry shouted when a cold gust of wind had Louis shivering down his spine. “It’s like you can’t even understand that he’s going to be another Sean that’s gonna fuck you over in the end.”

And that hit Louis where it hurt…

“You could’ve picked anyone, but him.” Harry glowered at him and shook his head.

Louis just stood there and watched Harry walk away, disappearing into the building when a tear rolled down his cheek.

In that moment, Louis realized he was never going to let anyone tyrannize him again.


	5. IV

Valentine’s day was probably one of the worst things in the history of humanity.

As far as Louis’ concerned it's just a shitty holiday for everyone to flaunt how _in love you_ are and be disgusting about it. To rub it in that you’ve found your someone while the single one's got nothing. Not that Louis cared, because he doesn’t.

He’d rather shoot himself in the foot than partake in this unfortunate holiday. He doesn’t need flowers or a box of chocolates to make himself feel valued. He sure as hell didn’t need to have someone write sonnets about him or make stupid mixtapes declaring their love for him.

The upsides to this all is the fact he usually got away with spending his night at the pub. Downing a lite beer and keeping Niall company while he tends to the other lonely souls. It’s been like that for a few years now, the same old routine.

However, this year Louis’ plans were different…

It involved him going to Panoramic 34 to have dinner with Sean. Which Louis didn’t get how the hell his ex-boyfriend only had one evening to squeeze in dinner, which apparently fell on the cringiest holiday of the year. They’re going to look like a couple celebrating the festivities, and Louis felt uneasy. Not that he shouldn’t because for one, that place wasn’t cheap and he feels guilty that Sean told him it’s on him. Second, the last time he’s actually seen Sean (in the flesh) was three years ago. It was a few weeks after they’d broken up and Sean came with flowers and asking for another chance because Louis ignored his messages. Louis told him to fuck off and slammed the door in his face before he broke down into tears. Because it still hurt and just couldn’t trust him anymore.

Which was why it was odd he even agreed to this stupid dinner in the first place. But maybe, if he had closure, it’ll help him bury the past. Hopefully, that was what this was.

It’d be a lie to say he wasn’t nervous. Of course, he was because any person that’s meeting with an ex-lover would. Especially if that someone used to be so important to you. It just he doesn't know what to expect and how things will go. If Sean will think poorly of him because he still had the dead-end job at the same old coffee shop. How he’s been single ever since they ’ve been apart and still doesn’t own a car. That he always wears the same clothes, he used to squeeze himself into while they were together.

Louis knew he shouldn’t give two shits what Sean thought. It’s not like he wanted to impress his ex-boyfriend or anything, but still. Telling anyone that used to be in your life that you haven’t changed is kind of daunting, especially when you’ve told this person all these life goals you had when you were together.

Sean knew Louis had always wanted to travel the world and adopt a puppy. That he’s always wanted to get a tattoo on his ankle and go scuba diving. Skydiving, mountain climbing, and all that adventurous shit he’s never done before. Sadly, Louis never gotten a dog or traveled any farther than Doncaster. He doesn’t have ink on him nor had he done any adventurous stuff. All he had going for him is that he’s three years older and tragically in love with his best mate.

So sue him for feeling this way and what probably didn’t help was the fact he hadn’t told anyone. Not that they should care to know because it’s none of their business and Louis just didn’t want to deal with the backlash. Besides, it’s just a one time thing...

That’s what Louis had been telling himself for majority of the day. His shift at the coffee house passing in a blur and coming home to an empty flat. Louis talked himself down and said it’s nothing more than a meetup, it was definitely not a date. Even when he hoped in the shower to rinse away the java stench and scrubbed at his hair. They're going to have a nice meal, and Sean is going to say whatever is on the top of his tongue. Louis hoped maybe Sean suddenly had plans come up as time grew closer when he dried his hair and wore his nicest clothes. After all, Sean did mention something about the fine dining, so Louis wasn’t going to be the fucking elephant in the room, thank you very much.

But the thing was, when Louis thinks back to when they were together they’ve never really went to nice restaurants. Mostly ate takeaway and watched films or whatever was on the telly. It was simple dates that were cheap and easy. But, maybe Sean felt that he owed it to Louis after everything?

Whatever this _outing_ was supposed to be, Louis was curious.

“It’s not a big deal,” Louis said to his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he smoothed out his fitted black button down. “It’s just dinner.” The words echoed through the small room. Louis gripped the edges of the sink and let out this deep breath, he had exactly fifteen minutes before he needed to be on his way.

Louis felt like throwing up when time seemed to tick away the longer he stared at his reflection. God, he’s never felt so nervous in his life. It not fucking fair that he feels anxious about this meeting. Louis doesn’t have those feelings he used to have for Sean anymore and sure, maybe he still finds his ex attractive. Like, there's no point in denying it because it’s true.

But all of that shouldn't make Louis into a spiraling mess because of it; it’s not a date.

Eventually, Louis had to pry himself away from his mirror and go slip on his shoes. Putting on his coat and locking the door behind him when he leaves his flat. Blowing out a series of short breaths as he took the creaky lift down and made his way out to the snow covered car park. Not even bothering taking the bus to the restaurant as he’d hoped the cool night air would keep him from sweating over what's to come.

He even tried to think of Niall and his boy troubles. How idiotic it was that Niall literally found himself a man to go on a road trip with him and pretend they’re together. Paying the poor boy a generous amount and promising him he might get some head. Well, that what Niall had told Louis last night before he took off with his fake boyfriend catch their plane to Ireland for a few days. Louis just hoped this all doesn't backfire in the end.

Then there was Harry that crept into Louis’ mind when he was about two minutes from his destination. Thinking of how Harry’s probably out with Ellie in the city somewhere, having a romantic dinner. Kissing and ogling each other, being disgusting. Ellie probably had her grimy claws all over Harry, and that surely doesn't help his mood.

When Louis finally made it to the restaurant and headed inside, his heart was in this throat. Even when he checked in for the reservation under _Sean Aston_ , Louis could feel himself sweating already. Just even saying his ex-boyfriend's name aloud had him wanting to go into cardiac arrest, but fuck, he was already being led to a small table by a massive window that overlooked the city. Sean wasn’t there yet, thank heavens.

Louis couldn't complain though the view of the city skyline in the night was beautiful. Probably the one thing keeping him grounded as he pulled out his chair and sat down. His coat already off behind him and ordered himself an ice water to start.

It wasn’t long before he’d gotten his drink and told the waiter he still had someone coming, giving Louis more time to look at the menu. Which was way overpriced for Louis’ liking and didn’t know why in the hell Sean choose this place. Louis wasn’t one for fine dining or dressing up to go for a meal, and he remembered Sean didn’t either. Maybe he changed though, possibly. Louis wouldn't bet any money on it though.

Then, the chair across from him scooted against the carpet and Louis felt like he couldn't breathe. Sean’s pushing up the sleeves to his white button up and telling the waiter he’d like some Merlot. Then his hazel eyes were on Louis, and he thought they were still gorgeous as ever. Not that he’d tell Sean that.

“I wasn't sure if you’d come, “ Sean said placidly, there was a shadow of a smile at the corner of his lips. “I know you probably had other plans with your boyfriend tonight since it’s Valentine's day after all, but I just really wanted to see you.”

Louis gnawed on his lip for a moment as he pressed his fingers against his glass of water before he responded, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Sean lifted a single brow and opened his mouth, but then closed it when his glass of wine was in front of him. Shooing the waiter away a little longer with the excuse of needing to look at the menu longer. Louis ended dropping his hands in his lap and fiddled with his fingers, twisting them.

“Oh, I thought… nevermind.” Sean shook his head, and Louis wondered what that was about. “I’m just happy you’re here and not running for the hills yet.” he let out this little snicker, bringing the glass to his lips. “How’ve you been through? Still living in that flat with your mates?”

In all honesty, Louis was feeling hesitant on sharing intimate details of his life with someone who once mattered.

“I’ve been better, and yeah, I am,” Louis muttered out as his eyes fell onto the menu, not wanting to keep looking into those untrustworthy eyes.

Louis just wanted Sean to cut to the fucking chase already because the faster this dinner gets over, the quicker he can get to being in his nice warm bed.

“You know, I’ve actually gotten my own place now, it’s nice. Even have a car too.” Sean commented, and Louis wondered if he was supposed to be impressed by that. “I’m single, by the way. Have been for a while.”

Louis wasn’t sure if he even believed that, because from what he could remember was that Sean was a sleazebag.

So the chance of Louis actually believing Sean not having a special someone? Highly unlikely.

It was silent between them for a moment. He was still a ball of nerves and what was there to even say? He doesn’t give a damn that Sean is alone or has his shit together.

What is even the point of the dinner? To rub it in Louis face of how everything worked out for him so far? To show off that he has gotten everything that Louis doesn't?

So far, Louis was starting to regret even coming.

Eventually, the quietness between them had broken when their waiter came back over to take their order. Louis just got the Roast Guinea Fowl and didn’t really listen to what Sean had ordered when he handed the waiter his menu, Offering him a small smile before his eyes landed back on the man across the table.

“But anyway, I didn’t ask you out to brag about how well things have gone or that I’m working at a law firm.” Ah yes, Louis had almost forgotten about Sean wanting to be a barrister. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the way things ended.”

Louis tried to bite back a frown, but it was hard. Thinking of how much time had passed and Sean finally decided to reach out to him to say he’s sorry, just wasn't a nice feeling. They’ve been apart for _three years_ , and he could have came anytime to apologize. But no, he chooses now thinking Louis wouldn’t still hate him for it. Yeah, Louis may be in love with another man, but he’s not going to sit here and lie about the fact it still twists at his heart to think about it.

It was a tragic time in his life for crying out loud. Never had he ever thought it’d happen to him because he believed for once Sean loved him actually.

And it’s just sad that Louis had wasted all that time on him.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

That just rubbed Louis the wrong way because Sean was the one who fucked all those men while they were together. Because if he never meant to hurt Louis’ he wouldn’t have lied to him every time they couldn't get together for the night. Going out looking for one night stands because he wasn’t satisfied with their sex life.

If he never meant to break his heart, he would have ever cheated in the first place.

Louis let out a heavy sigh. “And yet you decided to sleep with the whole population of Liverpool while we were together.”

Sean frowned and Louis didn’t give a shit. “I was young and stupid, babe.”

Louis scoffed bringing his water to his lips for a moment. Not really appreciating those poor excuses because Louis is two years younger than Sean and he never once thought about laying in bed with another man.

“And apparently not satisfied with me, so you went and got your fix elsewhere.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.”

This conversation was just irritating to Louis now, Sean’s already making shitty excuses for his actions. Making it seem he’s the innocent one in all this, it’s complete utter bullshit.

“Right, because it made me feel so fucking good to find you in bed with what’s his face.” Louis snarked, leaning back his chair and crossed his arms. “You know, it was nice actually finding out I had gotten chlamydia from my boyfriend at the time.”

Louis remembers when he found out about Sean’s infidelities he called his mum crying. Spending the night in bed wondering what had went wrong and ignoring the mass amount of pleading texts from his boyfriend. Listening to Jay tell him softly everything will be okay and don’t think for a moment this was his fault. Pleading for him to take the earliest train and come home for a few days so she can make things better. Louis knew that meant endless amounts of motherly love and warm meals. Johannah doing whatever it took to get Louis’ mind off his crying heart for a little while. Louis didn’t hesitate to pack his bags that night because he just wanted something, _anything_ to make him feel better.

And he recalls when Sean called him and explained everything one night when he was curled up in his old childhood bed. Learning how much Sean had gotten around and that he’d been sleeping around with one of the guys for nearly a year. Louis felt so sick to his stomach because everything felt so gross and ruined. Stained and dirty.

Louis remembered going to bed that night feeling not good enough.

“I know, and I’m sorry, okay?” Sean stressed, taking a sip of his wine.

“You can apologize all you want, but it’s never going to be enough.” Louis just didn’t want to keep hearing his past love expressing his regrets.

Sean had this pensive expression written across his face, and Louis wondered what he was thinking. Wanting their meals to already be in front of them so Louis could tail it out of here already. So far this was just a big waste of his time that was starting to make him feel bad.

Then Sean glanced down to his glass of wine for a moment before he finally said, “ Listen, I know I'm not perfect by any means and that what I did was wrong. But, I never once lied to you about how much I loved you.”

“So just because you had these _genuine_ feelings for me, I’m supposed to forgive you?”

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness, babe.” Louis didn’t understand what the hell Sean was trying to do because it sure as hell seems like he’s finishing for some sort of absolution.

“Then what is it, Sean?” Louis retorted. “Why am I even here?”

Sean let out a heavy breath, moving to rest his arms against the table. Leaning in a little where it almost felt too smothering for Louis’ liking.

“I miss you.”

Well, this certainly took an unexpected direction…

Louis wondered what Sean had expected to hear? That Louis missed him too? That they could recover from it all?

It was not like Louis hadn’t spent months with his love bleeding from his hands. Sean couldn’t just squeeze himself back into Louis’ life expecting him to forget those tainted memories. Sean couldn’t miss him because he was the one who fell away.

And Louis can't help but sit here and be struck dumb.

“You were my best mate, Lou. My first proper relationship where I finally had something where I could see a future. God, we were so good together.” Sean shared, letting out a breath. “I may have not been the best boyfriend to you, but you’ve always had my heart.”

_Fuck._

Louis’ mind was screaming at him to not fall for it. To not even think for a second that his words weren’t fabricated. That Sean was trying to say all the right things because he wanted to get back together. 

But, Louis couldn’t find it in himself to leave or say anything, because how do you even respond to something like this?

“I can only say sorry so much before it starts feeling frayed, but I know deep down somewhere in your heart you know I’m not a bad person, Lou.” Sean murmured. “I just… want you back in life, babe.”

Dinner had not been served yet, and Louis could feel his appetite diminishing, he felt so sick.

“You’re special to me.”

And shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit._

It sucks he’s sitting here thinking about the past when someone you used to love confessed how much you still matter to them. It’s making Louis feel awful every time Sean added to his admissions because he can’t help but think of how much his ex-boyfriend hurt him. Louis tried to keep yelling at himself to stop it, but it’s just so hard.

Louis swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat with his iced water when their dinner was placed in front of them.

He will not let himself get emotional, _He will not._

“Sean… you broke my heart.” Louis said woefully, hating the fact he could feel his stomach just coiling. “I always thought it’d be you and me till the end.”

Sean let out a breath as he dropped the fork in his hand on his plate. “I never wanted you to leave, Lou.”

The corners of Louis’ lips slid as far they could go, not even bothering to start eating at this point. His ex-boyfriend word were slowly starting to seep through his skin to his heart, and it was the worst thing ever.

“You know, before we broke up, I was shopping for a ring.”

Oh, no... _no_ , Sean couldn’t do this to Louis.

Louis tried to fight the tears coming to his eyes as he looked away. “Don’t.” He whimpered.

All he ever wanted was for them to be married someday.

It was not right for Sean to sit here and fess up about wanting to propose to him. Because what if he never found out about Sean’s infidelities? Or gave him another chance when he showed up at his door weeks later?

Louis would’ve been trapped into something where their relationship wasn’t one hundred percent. That would end divorce because Louis would’ve been so broken as he knew Sean would've kept going around sleeping with ever who he desired. It tugs at his heartstrings just thinking of what could've been.

“Babe..” Sean breathed out, and Louis heard the chair cross from his skid against the ground and Sean coming round the table, crouching in front of him. He grabbed Louis’ hand, but Louis pulled it away not wanting to give his ex any physical boundaries. But then there was hand was on Louis' cheek and he flinched a bit, staring into those hazel eyes. “Don’t cry.”

Being emotional like this in the middle of a crowded restaurant was not how Louis pictured this to go. Having tears shimmer in his eyes were something Louis didn’t want and the way Sean lightly dragged his thumb against his cheek. It’s like no matter how hard he tried to convince himself not to listen to anything Sean brought up, but that got him. It just tore Louis insides right up and brought on all these unpleasant feelings he didn’t miss. The pain he felt when Sean said he never wanted to marry him at Zayn’s party. When he walked in on him with that guy and that the text he sent Sean saying they were over because he couldn’t get himself to do it in person.

It’s almost excruciating because he thought he had moved on from all of it.

“I loved you.” Louis grieved, a warm tear trickled down his cheek. “I was so fucking loyal to you, Sean.”

Sean had a shadow of a frown touching the corners of his lips when he wiped away the wetness. Louis’ heart felt sick.

“Wasn’t I enough?”

“Of course you were, babe.”

Louis squeezed his eyes shut and wished he wouldn’t feel this way. It was as if old feelings were resurfacing and Louis didn’t want them. Sean can’t have his heart again and have the pleasure to taint it even more. Louis wouldn’t let him.

Then he feels the hand fallen off his cheek and Sean letting out a sigh. The chair beside him scooting against the carpet and Louis was trying to calm himself.

“I wish I could take it all away, the pain I’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve it.” Sean lamented.

Louis opened his eyes, flicking his gaze to his ex-boyfriend who was in the chair beside him. Trying his hardest not to break down into hysterics in the middle of a crowded room. Just trying to swallow down Sean’s regrets and all the apologies he’d finally gotten that seemed sincere.

And Louis knew it was not worth crying over of what could’ve been, but everything Sean said had gotten him. They have spent five wonderful years together, and Sean wasn’t wrong when he said they were so good together. They’d have a nice time on dates even if it meant just a walk in the park or staying in and binge watching reality shows when it’s a rainy day. When Louis dropped out of uni, Sean supported him. All of his mates liked Sean, and he was welcome to come join them going out. Sean was even loved by his family, Jay considered him family not even a year into Louis and Sean's relationship. Himself had the same thing happen with his ex-boyfriends family. They’d never broken up or went on breaks, shit, their arguments wouldn’t even last very long. They were practically together five days out of the week staying in Louis’ or Sean’s flat.

But the thing was… Sean had ruined it from the start.

“I know my apologies probably don't mean much to you, but it all I can give you, Lou,” Sean said lightly. “Just give me a chance, okay?”

It was not a good idea. There was so much pain and baggage between them. That nothing good was going to come out of this if Sean’s starts hanging around again. They’ll become close and end up hooking up at one point. Louis will fall back in love with him, and they’ll get back together. Only to have his heart broken once again when he found Sean kissing someone else.

They couldn’t do this again...

“We can't be together, Sean.” Louis sniffled, wiping away the tear that slid down his cheek. His skin starting to feel rubbed raw. “I don’t trust you.”

They sit there for a moment, and Louis had to take a moment to breathe, his eyes fallen in front of his food that's already gone cold. His appetite wasn’t there, and all he wanted to do was say his farewells and go home. Call his mum and ask if he could come visit for the weekend. Wanting to tell her everything Sean had told him. Because Louis knew Jay would never criticize him for seeing Sean.

The man beside him took a sip of his wine that was almost gone. “Can we at least be friends, babe?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Louis murmured, flicking his gaze back to Sean. “I just don’t want things to get complicated.”

“They won’t, I promise.” Sean pleaded, and Louis just wasn’t sure if he should believe those words. “It’ll be strictly platonic, and I’ll give you as much space as you need.”

“Why are you trying so hard?” Louis needed to understand why in the hell Sean thinks this is such a brilliant thing to do.

Sean leaned in a little more, and Louis felt a hand on his knee, nearly losing his breath at the contact. “You’ve always been important to me. Even when I first met you at that party ages ago, I knew you’d be special to me.” Louis felt a little squeeze from the hand on him. “Even if you would've rejected me when I asked you to be mine, I would’ve still wanted you as a mate. You were one of my good friends, Lou.”

For fuck sakes, Sean was making this complicated for Louis.

Would it be that bad to let Sean in life just a little bit? They wouldn't have to hangout or anything, more so text. However, Louis was feeling hesitant because what if he gets attached again? Sitting around all day and feeling giddy waiting for his ex-boyfriend's texts and attention. Like, it’s a risky thing to do, but maybe this would be the closure they’ve needed all along.

Louis took a sip of his water and then said, “Okay… we can try.” Ugh, who would've thought that’d leave his mouth? “It’s not going to happen overnight, but you need to give me time, Sean.”

His ex-boyfriend gave a nod, and there was a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. Louis hoped this wasn’t a mistake, he’s already having enough life problems as it is. Which is why he wasn’t going to tell anyone he’s talking to Sean because what if this ends up being fleeting? Would it be necessary to share it with the world and have almost everyone disappointed in him for letting Sean come back into his life? Like, obviously if it gets too much he’ll just vent to Jay, Lottie may be a good listener, but mum always knows best.

“Great! I’m so happy, babe.” Sean beamed as he gave Louis’ knee a pat before it was gone. “I promise, you won’t regret this.”

Hopefully, his ex-boyfriend was right.

For the remainder of their dinner, Louis tried to swallow down his food as Sean filled him in about his life. How he’s a barrister and has his own flat that has a picturesque view of the waterfront. That he’s gotten a car instead of that dodgy red moped he used to zip around with, heads off to the gym most days to maintain, and he even has a collection of Versace watches. That he’d come into some money when he’d won the lotto two years ago, paid off all his debt and invested majority of his winnings. Just bragging about how well things have gone for him and okay, maybe Louis was feeling envious. He didn't have any of those things Sean accomplished or the fact he could afford fucking _Versace_!

And sure, Louis was impressed and should've known his ex was loaded with that eloquent gold watch around his wrist and his outfit dripping in business casual attire. Still, Louis felt even more hesitant to share his life details now.

Sean did end up bringing up at one point when Louis was finishing up the last of his meal, that even though it’s been ages since they’ve seen each other. He’s always welcome to show up if he needs to talk or a good cuddle. Louis just gave a nod because he didn’t even want to think of going to his past lover's place, because that… nothing good would come from it.

Unfortunately, Sean was curious about Louis’ life, of course, he was.

“Enough about me, what about you?”

Louis sighed as he pushed his plate away that was scrapped clean, thinking for a moment on what to even tell Sean. There wasn’t much to even say or that he wanted to share, and he definitely wasn't about to tell Sean his feelings for Harry. So he was kind of at a loss.

Louis scratched at his cheek and gave a little shrug. “Pretty much nothing’s changed, honestly.”

Sean tilted his head, “Not even a little bit?” Louis shook his head, feeling heat inch to his cheeks at the admission. ”

“I’m old and boring, love.” Louis cracked a touch of a smile before he swallowed down the rest of his water.

Sean snickered. “If you're old then I'm definitely ancient, babe.”

“Touché.”

“You’re lucky I’ve always adored that smart mouth of yours to not feel offended that you think I’m over the hill.”

Louis let out this subdued sort of laughter, leaning back in his seat as he glanced out into the dark night sky. Admiring the clusters city lights, thinking how insane it was that he was sitting here with an ex on Valentine's day. How he agreed to give Sean a sliver of his life back into the palms of his hands. Actually having a bit of a good time now that they’ve gotten the hard feelings expressed and apologies said. However, Louis was still guarded, and Sean had work to do if he truly wanted this.

Louis just hoped he wouldn’t regret this.

By the time they stepped outside the restaurant into the droid air after the bill was paid, Louis was anxious to head home. Enjoy the solitude and be in his thoughts because far too much was on his mind. His followers probably were curious anyway, and he wasn’t one to keep them waiting either.

But the walk back was less than appealing as it was snowing and beyond fucking cold. Louis dreaded it.

Fortunately, Sean seemed to remember that Louis detested the season.

“Would you like a ride to yours, babe? I know you hate the cold.” Sean offered, his hands stuffed into his peacoat.

Louis stared at him in the yellow light under the streetlamp wondering if it’d be okay. It’s not like Sean doesn’t know where he lives because he does, it’s always been the same place. It’s just… they’ve already spent too much time together for Louis’ liking. However, the chilliness in the air kind of made him want to take the offer. After all, Sean did offer, and it was quicker, so why the hell not?

What was a few more minutes with Sean anyway?

“As long as you’re not intended to drag race to my block of flats, then by all means.”

Sean smirked. “Now why would I do that when I have precious cargo with me?” Louis couldn't've rolled his eyes any harder.

“Right, because apparently, you're my mum all of a sudden.” Louis cringed at the thought as they started heading to Sean’s car, or more so following the man.

Louis had his fingers crossed no one would see him with his ex-boyfriend and questions him about it.

The ride back to his flat was a quiet one, and Louis was thankful for that. Gave him time to think more about what he was going to post on his blog. How he’ll break the news about Sean and him trying out a trial friendship. Itching to hear the feedback on whether it’s a good idea or it ’s completely idiotic. Not only that, but he couldn’t wait to change out of these constricting clothes into softer ones.

It was strange though, sitting here. The last time he’d been in a moving vehicle with Sean was the morning of their breakup. He’d gotten dropped off at work thanks to Sean being a wonderful, _wonderful_ boyfriend since Louis had spent the night with him. Louis remembers that morning he was tired because they stayed up too late binge watching season six of _Friends_. Which mostly ended up with them kissing too passionately and the show completely forgotten in the background. Remembering that morning, he gave his man a peck on the lips and told him he loved him before going into his job.

Sean had told him that he loved him too and Louis believed it.

Who would’ve thought three years later Louis was allowing him back into his life… even after everything he was done.

Louis deserved a fucking holiday.

It was when they pulled into the snow covered car park that was almost vacant, Louis felt his heart pounding up against his ribs. Ellie and Harry were there and probably still _celebrating_ since the flat was empty and dark. Louis was almost half tempted to ask Sean if maybe he could drop him off at the pub for a while, but that never left his mouth when the man pulled into an empty spot, cutting the engine.

“Well, here we are, your humble abode.” Sean’s chuckled, his eyes on Louis.

“Yeah,” Louis swallowed, fumbling to undo the seatbelt. “Let’s just hope I’m not walking into a sex marathon all over the flat.”

Sean raised his brows, probably not expecting that to leave Louis’ mouth. “I mean if so, you could always come to mine, where it’s quiet since I live alone.” Sean mentioned so casually like it’s no big deal.

Right, because suddenly they’re best mates all because Louis was giving him a chance to redeem himself.

Not only that, but it would just scream all the wrong things.

“As much as I like the idea of not walking in on my mates scoring, I really need to get to bed soon. Have an early shift at the coffee house.” it was piss poor of an excuse and Louis knows it. Going to bed early wasn’t something Lous practiced ever, and he hoped maybe Sean would buy it. After all, people do change… sometimes.

It was silent between them for a moment, and Louis was already starting to feel warm. “Well, uh, I’m going to head in, now.” Louis’ hand already on the door handle when he said, “Thank you for dinner, though. It was nice.”

“Maybe we can do it again sometime.” Seam proposed, and Louis wasn’t sure about that. “ I mean, even if that means having you over for dinner.”

_Fuck._

“Yeah.” Louis murmured, not entirely being truthful when he said it, but whatever, all he wanted to do was leave.

And that was when Louis gave Sean a small wave before getting out, shutting the door behind him, and slowly treading towards the entrance. Only to be stopped in his tracks when a door slam echoed through the quiet night air and footsteps slapping against the wet pavement. A hand on his wrist pulling him back, and Sean pleading for him to wait.

Louis took a deep breath as he turned to Sean, breath hitching when he sees a small bouquet of roses. Not expecting this at all or the fact Sean licking his lips and handed them to Louis. There’s a small card in them with Louis’ name written in cursive. It was Sean’s penmanship… oh for crying out loud. His ex-boyfriend bought him flowers… a fucking bushel of roses. What the hell. Of course, he got one of Louis’ favorite flowers too as if the memory stuck with him all these years.

What else was Sean going to spring onto him?

“I forgot to give you these earlier, guess I was a bit nervous to remember.” Sean muttered out, a hint of a smile dancing on his lips.

Louis carefully took the bouquet, snow catching on the edges of the petals, and Louis doesn’t know what to say.

“I know this wasn’t a date, but when I saw these his morning at the market, I knew you’d love them.” Right, because who gives a dozen roses to someone they intend to be just mates with?

Louis took a breath, watching it cloud in the crisp before he said placidly, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to, and besides, everyone deserves a valentine, even you.”

It was a sweet gesture, Louis would give Sean that. But now it makes Louis look kind of like a knobhead because he hadn’t had a gift to give. Not like Sean even deserves it, but still.

“I almost gotten you a massive teddy bear too, but I think that would’ve been a bit much.” Yeah, because they’re not fucking together!

Louis nibbled on his lip, trying not to squeeze the flowers when he felt an arctic breeze brushing against his skin. Already trembling and aching to get inside to warm himself up. Despite the company upstairs, his bed was calling out for him.

“But, I suppose I don’t wanna keep you, even though I’m pretty sure voyeurism isn’t your thing.” Sean laughed, and he wasn’t wrong about that. The thought alone made Louis’ dinner wanna make a second appearance. “Just promise me you’ll give me a ring if you can’t sleep.”

Louis couldn’t make a promise on that. But what he did tell Sean was: “Well you could always text me if you're bored.”

“Or maybe you could just FaceTime me instead? That way I can see you.”

He swallowed at that, like, okay yeah he agreed to them slowly becoming mates. But, Sean already wants just into video chatting and late night calls because Louis is bored. Honestly, they’re nowhere near that part, not even on a text message everyday basis. So, Sean needs to be a little patient with him.

“Maybe.” Louis whispered, his fingers starting to feel numb.

There was an awkwardness in the air for a moment, neither of them not knowing what else to say. Just standing there and wondering what happens next.

But then Sean’s pulling Louis into a hug, closing the gap between them and the flowers crushing against their chests. Louis breath hitched and his body stiffened at the tight arms around him. Hesitant, but slowly move his arms to embrace the guy, feeling a bit of a squeeze. Louis. Almost forgetting how much he used to like being in these arms, how safe and warm he felt. It was almost sickening Louis used to have to unknowingly _share_ them.

Sean’s tight embrace seemed to linger for a moment before he slowly pulled away. Not budging from his spot or giving Louis the space he could use. Louis’ heart was pounding hard within his chest as he stares up to his past lovers face. His cheeks red possibly from the nippy air and flinching away when he feels cool fingers against his cheek.

“And by the way, before you leave me, I just wanted to tell you that you’re still stunning to me.” Sean cooed, his gaze had a hint of fondness to it.

Louis swallowed when the contact breaks and Sean’s taking a step back, gesturing toward the door almost as if he was granting Louis his permission. Ending up giving the man a small smile before turning on his heels and sauntering off into the warm building. Nearly mewling when he steps onto the lift and presses a button. Louis was trying to come up with a cover story on his head, as to why he’d gotten roses. Not wanting anyone to make a huge deal out of them especially if they didn’t know who the giver was. But Louis for the life of him couldn’t come up with something even remotely realistic when he reaches his floor. Even when he wandered down the corridor, Louis was having a mind fuck.

But suddenly a door slammed shut, and Ellie was stomping down the hall with her high heels in her hands. Coat just wide open and lipstick smeared on her skin. Louis saw the look of rage in her eyes and every bone in him chilled.

Louis almost felt frozen in place when Ellie stalked towards him and thought maybe this was the day she lays a hand on him. Not that he would let her, but still. However, all she said was “This is all your fault!” and then she was gone.

Okay then… clearly, something happened and as mean as it sounded, Louis was curious to see what went down. After all, she placed the blame on him, so this better be good. Hopefully, Harry venting to him would distract the attention from the gift in his hands.

Because Louis didn’t even watch to touch the topic of his night with a ten foot pole with a certain someone.

When Louis stepped onto the flat, he expected to see Harry pacing around like a madman. His brows pinched together and mumbling out his complaints. However, what Louis first seen was Harry emerging from the bedroom swiftly wearing nothing but black pants that laid too low on his hips. His curls frumpy and frazzled, and he looked quite panicked.

Every being in Louis had kept him from gazing down Harry's delectable body.

Then Harry suddenly pasted on a smile and scraped his fingers through his hair. Louis wondered if Elie and Harry had gotten into a fight.

“Everything okay?” Louis asked carefully, hoping to know what went down since it was _all his fault_ according to Ellie.

“Yeah, things are-“ Harry paused for a moment, nibbling on his lip. A silence followed briefly between them, and Harry couldn’t seem to be still. Scratching at his cheek, messing with hair (again), and shifting in his spot. Like an itch that can’t be scratched.

But then Harry finally broke the quietness between them. “El, won’t talk to me.”

Louis raised his brows, toeing off his damp shoes. Staring to fumble with the zipper of his coat as Harry goes on.

“We got into a bit of a fight, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Louis definitely was curious now.

Harry sighed, crossing his arms against his chest. “We’re just not clicking today, is all.”

But that wasn’t good enough, and Louis was a nosy bastard. So, of course, he’ll pry.

“Do you want to talk about it, H?” Louis questioned hopefully, trying to pull off his parka with his free hand. Nearly struggling, but then Harry comes over and helped Louis out of his coat, hanging it on the coat rack near the door.

“Not as much as I want to talk about where you’d gotten those roses.” Harry’s brought up. For the love of god, please no. “Travis?”

Louis swallowed when he stared into those curious green eyes. Harry now standing awfully close, eyes flickered down to the flowers, and Louis felt almost suffocated.

Shaking his head, Louis murmured: “Em, actually mum sent them to me.”

“Oh… I thought maybe since you and Travis-“

“For the hundredth time, H. Travis and I aren’t a thing, we’re not dating or even hooking up. It was a one time deal, hon.”

Ever since that night Harry left Louis emotionally wounded in the car park, things haven’t been _normal_ between them. That evening ended with him ditching the party and found themselves at Travis’ empty flat. As much as Louis didn’t want to, he just couldn’t be around Harry or anything to do with the shit excuse of a party. Finding himself in Travis’s bed and watching The Matrix Trilogy and successfully dodging any sort of snogging. Though Louis will admit, he may have gave into a little bit of a cuddle when he scooted closer to the desperate man.

However, after that Louis had been kind of avoiding Harry. Not because of threats or being around the loving couple. It was just those things Harry said weren’t okay, and he wanted to shove it down Harry’s throat. Rub it in his face that they couldn’t just sleep this off and pretend it was a new day. Best friends don’t say those kinds of things to one another.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. He was just good company, that’s it. Nothing happened.” Louis just wanted Harry to believe him.

“But he kissed you.”

“Well, maybe it’s because he wanted to sleep with me.” Louis pointed out, feeling his phone buzz against his thigh. “You’ve known that fact since that night we met him at the pub. So quit turning a blind eye on it.”

It’s not like it should be a distant memory, after all, Louis recalls the night they first all met the guy, he wouldn’t leave Louis the hell alone. Numerous chat up lines and telling stories he thought could charm the pants off Louis. Even dared to reach out to put his hand on Louis’ waist, it's wasn’t like his intentions weren’t clear.

It had always been blatantly obvious.

Harry rubbed at his ear and let out this deep breath. At least he wasn’t storming off angry like a child, so this was a good start... hopefully.

“”I know I’ve been kind of a jerk-”

“I wouldn’t put it lightly like that, Harold,” Louis interjected. “I think you meant to say you were a dick.” 

The corner of Harry’s lip twitched. “Alright, so maybe I was, but I just didn’t want to see you get hurt again.” Louis appreciated that Harry felt the need to look after him, but he didn’t have to react the way he did. “I know I can be a bit overbearing at times, but I just wanna see you happy.”

Louis could feel his heart starting to swell at those words.

“And I’m sorry for the things I said to you, never meant to make you sad.” Harry let on, with a pained expression on his face. “You’re my best mate, and I miss us being okay.”

Louis missed Harry too… in so many ways.

As much as those things Harry told him still stung and made him feel not so great, he wanted his friend back. Who gives a fuck what Ellie thinks or if there are unrequited feelings, Louis missed it so much.

“I forgive you.” Louis murmured, feeling a bit better now that the whole Travis fiasco is pushed under the rug.

There was a hint of a smile dancing on Harry’s lips now, and Louis had a feeling things were going to be better. Especially when there's suddenly an arm around his shoulder and Harry’s leading Louis towards the kitchen. 

“Let’s find a vase for those roses, Lou.”

When they eventually found something redeemable enough to be considered a vase (which was a long cup) Harry had asked Louis if he’d like to come watch some films with him and hang out. As Ellie was gone for the night and he didn’t have any other plans. Not only that, but he also mentioned something about catching up.

As much as Louis looked forward to his alone time, spending time with Harry sounded even better.

With the exception of writing a quick Tumblr update of course!

So, when he’s in his room after changing into his baggiest jumper and comfier joggers, he’s already on his bed, typing in the passcode to his phone. Not bothering with the text he’d received earlier when he taps onto his favorite app, itching to just spill it all.

Because clearly, he wasn’t about to share it with anyone else.

_I did it._

_I survived dinner with Sean, and it actually wasn’t terrible…_

_He’s definitely always been charming I’ll give him that, but I’m not going to sit here and lie to you all that I still harbor ill feelings toward him. He knows that he hurt me and that I don’t particularly trust him. However, he apologized and hoped to have me back in his life. He missed me._

_And then he hinted at marriage in the past, and I lost it._

_He was someone I wanted a future with so badly because he made me happy. Had me believe for the first time that I actually mattered and I loved him so much. He told me before we ended things marriage wasn’t in his cards… but apparently, it was._

_He planned to ask me, and it just brought on so many emotions I couldn’t handle it._

_But we talked after that revelation and decided we could try a friendship. He promised me he wouldn’t fuck up and I’m holding his word to it._

_Hopefully, this won’t come back to haunt me._

_-L_

And done.

In a sense, Louis did feel immensely better expressing his feelings about the whole Sean situation. Hopeful he’d get some decent feedback at least, but decided he’d worry about that later when he moves to his feet, cutting the light, and goes to see his mate.

Harry's room was something Louis rarely ever went into. Not because his friend is a private person or the fact his girlfriend was over twenty four seven. It was because Louis had no reason to just barge in and demand attention. Simply as that. When they used to sleep together, yeah, Louis would just let himself in and let things go from there. However, since they cut the strings on benefits part of their friendship, Louis’ always felt a bit of hesitancy even thinking of stepping foot into the small room. Because he no longer felt at home when Ellie came into the picture.

Despite that, Louis however, didn’t mind too much tonight when he steps foot into his friend's room.

“You go get comfortable, Lou. I’m gonna go grab us some snacks.” Harry said, pulling his Kiss shirt over his head. Oh thank god, at least Louis won’t be tortured.

“Alright.” Louis murmured when Harry walks past him seconds later, and Louis stares at the bed. Taking a deep breath when he finds his feet leading him to the side of the bed he knows Harry doesn’t sleep on. Carefully crawling onto it and laying over the blankets and propping up a pillow against the headboard to sit up, almost wondering if maybe he should burrow himself under the duvet in case he got cold. Yet, Louis doesn’t want to make himself too cozy especially when he knows he can’t stay here forever.

Louis’ eyes wandered around the room for a moment, falling onto that familiar record player on Harry's desk. He couldn't really contain it, the happiness he felt that Harry had liked his gift. Noticing the few records nearby that Louis had picked for him, it was a pleasant feeling, to say the least.

It seemed like Louis was waiting here for hours all while staring at the telly. Louis hadn’t noticed it until now that Harry had his phone mirroring to it. Blinking when he sees a new text notification popped up from Ellie. Louis can't help it that his eyes hone in on the bubble.

‘ _ **Ellie:** Maybe I should remind you that I’m your girlfriend and he isn't._ ’

Louis shouldn’t have read that. It was an invasion of privacy, and he knows it. However it’s not like he was on the mobile anyway, Harry’s the one who connected it. Clearly, he didn’t care enough to turn off his notifications to his hide conversations. Besides, Harry got what he wanted, Ellie to talk to him.

Yet, Louis wondered what she had meant.

Then Harry came sauntering back into the room arms filled with numerous treats and two water bottles. Dropping the lot onto his bed and tossing the water bottle to Louis’ side before handing him a spoon.

Louis was quite confused until Harry was also handing him his tin of vanilla frosting. How sweet, he remembered favorite indulgence. Ugh, maybe this won’t make him feel a bit guilty for the text thing.

“Thanks, Harold.” Louis took them graciously, popping open the lid and already dipping in his spoon when Harry crawls into the spot beside him. “So what exactly do you have planned to keep me from falling asleep?”

“Well, was thinking we could watch a film or something,” Harry suggested, ripping open a bag of crisps. “Unless you want to do something else?”

Louis popped the spoon in his mouth, thinking for a second and truthfully, he’s happy with whatever Harry wanted. He’s just so thrilled they can hang out like this again. Hopefully, there’d be more of this in the future.

“Nah, it’s your pick since you’re the one who insisted I come,” Louis smirked, flicking his gaze towards Harry. “Besides not like I’m going to throw a tantrum over it if I don’t like it.”

Harry's eyebrow quirked up as he gave Louis a passing glance. “I mean I wouldn’t be surprised, you’ve got high standards.”

“Pff, no I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

Louis tried to bite back his oncoming smile. “I think you meant yourself?”

Harry shook his head with a smile as he focused back onto his phone. Thumbing down the screen, Louis took another mouthful of icing as his eyes drifted back to the screen and suddenly Facebook is popped up. Then picture albums were loaded up and watched as the timeline photos came about. At first, Louis was quite confused until Harry started to scroll down until he reached one photo that was taken eight years ago. It was at one of those parties at uni Niall’s got a red solo cup in his hand of whatever concoction he made with his arm slung around Louis. Harry got his face in it with a big smile.

It was the night he’d met Sean.

Louis felt ill.

“Still can’t believe Niall thought he was starting a trend with that hair.” Harry chuckled at the memory.

Niall had went through a blond phase for a good chunk time, always telling Louis to come with him to the salon. It was just as bad as Zayn trying to persuade him into coloring his hair. However, Niall did wear it well, but eventually grew out his brunet locks.

“I still can’t understand why he’d think I’d want to join him.” Louis took another bite of frosting and swallowing it down.

“You’d look good, though.”

Louis felt heat inching up to his cheeks. “I think you’re being too nice.”

“And you need to not be so hard on yourself. You could pull it off nicely.”

Hmm, well, either way, it wasn’t happening.

“Whatever you say, H.” Louis murmured, watching all the pictures Harry skimmed through.

Then Harry landed on another picture back to when Louis was about sixteen, he had slept over at Harry’s house. They were having a bit of a sleepover with Niall and having the best times of their lives. Staying up late into the night, sneaking out and being caught by Harry’s mum, and Gemma (Harry’s older sister) pestering them too. Apparently, the first to fall asleep got pranked… and unfortunately, it was him.

Right there was the fucking _masterpiece_ of none other than Niall fucking Horan and Gemma Styles, thinking it was so hilarious to drawn on a clown face. His nose red, big bulging black eyes, and a small red mouth. Needless to say, Louis woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning.

“I still hate all three of you for that, it wasn’t funny.” Louis pouted, cracking open his water bottle as he balanced his can of frosting on his lap. “That was so hard to wash off .”

“But it was hilarious, Lou.” Harry chuckled, nudging Louis with an elbow in the side. “You were so cross with all of us for days.”

“Well I had plans with James that day so don’t blame me for being in a bad mood, you all deserved my wrath,” Louis stated matter-of-factly, taking a drink of his water. “Then again be lucky James hadn’t minded my red stained face or else you all would've received hell.”

“James was a dickhead that only cared about himself.” Harry mentioned, popping a crip into his mouth.

It wasn’t a secret that he disliked Louis’ ex-boyfriend. James particularly didn’t like Harry much either, Harry’s problem was the way James treated him. James had always made Louis feel like he had horrible taste in things. Making fun of Louis’ favorite shows and music, saying they were stupid and boring. Ultimately refusing to go to a single concert or film with Louis that suit his interest. Then there was the thing that they got to do what Louis wanted, it was always about James.

And James's problem with Harry was the fact he claimed Harry had a thing for Louis. Saying he flirted too much and was too touchy. Which was utter bullshit and let it be known their relationship only lasted a few months.

Nothing else is said on the matter as Harry filtered through more photos. Just sitting here looking at all these memories of Niall, Harry, and himself was giving him a nostalgic feel. In a sense Louis missed those times in his life, going to concerts, fairs in the summer, and fireworks for New Year's Eve. Going to football matches with his mates because Niall had a massive crush on one of the players at school for years. Going to parties and flirting with the cutest boys, sleepovers and starting countless myspace bands then ended up only being wishful dreams. Louis longed to be sixteen again.

This continued on, and it was fun. Reminiscing about old times and looking back on the past. Having a laugh over the stupidest shit they've done when they landed on certain photos. The one where Niall’s caught singing with toothbrush and Louis with frosting all over him thanks to Niall smashing his birthday cake right in his face. Niall and Louis having a squirt gun fight with Gemma. Then there’s a photo of Harry and himself laughing (Niall had taken it) where Harry is practically holding Louis from behind and lifting him off the ground because they were play fighting over a stupid mix CD. Louis doesn’t remember how it all started, but he does recall having the best laugh of his life.

Then Harry moved onto old videos and the frosting Louis had been snacking on got put aside. Trying to contain his fond at one video in particular of the time Harry and him were getting ready to go to the Dashboard Confessional concert and it wasn’t anything too interesting. Just a quirky update that made Louis remember how good they used to be.

_“And here we have Mr. Beautyqueen getting all prettied up for Chris Carrabba. Even though he already looks beautiful.” Harry announced into the camera all the while the camera panned onto Louis fixing up his fringe into the bathroom mirror. “He’ll have to notice you, Lou.”_

Those were the days…

“Funny thing is, you hated that band.” Louis pointed out as he adjusted himself to lay down. His back starting to bother him. “I’m still shocked you endured it for me.”

“Well, what are friends for, right?” Harry beamed as he moved to face Louis on his side, propping himself on his elbow. “But I had a nice time and so did you.”

Louis gazed to his mate beside him, itching to scoot a little closer. It was a bit chilly, and it could be a great excuse… but Louis didn’t want to push his boundaries, so he stayed where he was.

“I did.” Louis finally breathed out, resting hands on his stomach.

It was silent between them for a minute, Louis felt his stomach starting to roll the longer Harry lingered his gaze on him. He doesn’t understand it, why Harry won’t just look away for christ sake, but apparently, something was on his mind.

Louis suddenly felt a hand on his arm, and Harry broke the moment, “I need to talk to you about something.”

Oh boy… this couldn’t be good.

“Yeah?” Louis nearly whispered out, glancing at Harry once again and biting back his frown when Harry’s hand falls off him.

Harry sighed. “I’m going to move out at the end of March to be with Ellie.”

Louis stayed silent as his eyes searched Harry’s face, his heart aching.

“I was going to tell you sooner, but you’ve been pissed with me,” Harry said softly. “But we’ve been mates all our lives, and I felt like I owed to tell you.”

But Harry didn’t feel like he owed it to him when he suddenly got a girlfriend?

“I just hope you’re okay with me leaving.”

No Louis is fucking, not okay, first of all, he still bothered that Harry hid it from him and secondly, Louis didn’t want him to go.

But what choice did he have?

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” Louis breathed out indifferently, pulling out his phone and deciding to check that text finally. No longer wanting to even discuss Harry moving away in six weeks or think about it for the matter.

Not even the text he’d received from Sean made him feel better.

‘ _ **Sean:** Sweet dreams, babe_ ’

Louis was trying so hard not to break, from Harry confessing to leaving and Sean it’s been a rough day.

“So you’re not mad?” Harry proceeded to pester Louis when he feels a finger prod him in the arm.

“No.” Louis lied, deciding to write his mum, sending her a quick text asking if he could come home this weekend. Louis was in emotional ruins and just needed some space from his mates and life.

Quietness suddenly filled the air, and Louis felt a bit on edge, because why in the hell wasn't Harry picking out a movie to watch? God, Harry just needed to turn on whatever because Louis couldn't deal with awkwardness lingering between them.

A few seconds later Harry finally spoke up, and Louis could feel his heart falling in his chest.

“I haven’t asked her yet, so I was kind of thinking maybe all us lads could go for dinner and I could ask her. I don’t think she’d catch on as it’d be a surprise.”

Louis simply said nothing, the thought of going to that dreadful meal made him feel ill. He was trying so hard not to bare his heart to his friend. Moving back to Doncaster sounded better every time Harry opened his mouth.

“I’d really like you to be there, Lou.”

And Louis doesn’t want to be. Because he knows it’ll be painful for him to see his dreams he had vanish.

It was bad enough that he already feels broken.

But, Louis already knew he lost him.

Harry eventually rolled onto his back and left Louis alone, his eyes flickering towards the telly, and seeing Harry put on the film: _Shutter Island_. At least they were done talking because Louis just needed his mate to leave him alone and sulk in peace.

After Harry got up to turn off the light and rejoined Louis on the bed, and they both turned their attention onto the movie.

Louis tried to pay attention, he did. But it was easier said than done when all he can think about is how things are going to be shitty for Niall and him. They’ll have to move most definitely as Louis didn’t want to even think of a new flatmate, nor could they afford this flat. Not only that, but he was crushed.

For the remainder of the night, they had watched at least two other films that Harry had picked himself, not that Louis minded. Because at some point when they were in the middle of watching _Ghostbusters_ Louis felt something nudge him in the side and Harry gesturing him to scoot closer. Which Louis ended up doing so and had arms around him, feeling warm and a little bit of happiness radiating in his chest. It was nothing more than Harry being nice knowing the room was freezing, but Louis didn’t mind.

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, it wasn’t something he planned to do. Yet, Louis felt so comforted and warm, he couldn't help it.

But when he woke up the next morning, he had an empty spot beside him and a blanket covering him. Louis wished Harry was still there and not off doing his morning job, he wanted to be close to his friend before enduring his shift in an hour or so.

But unfortunately life isn't fair, and Louis just wanted to lay here a little longer.

And so he did, pulling out his phone while nestled under the covers and brought up the Tumblr app, anxious to see his feedback finally. Which ended up being mostly consisted of:

 _Louis, babe don’t let him get close to your heart again! I think it’s cool you're giving him a second chance,_ and _just be careful._

It was all pretty much decent advice that Louis took wholeheartedly.

However, there was someone that clearly wanted to ruin Louis’ day by sending him a nasty message.

_First you are in love with H, and now you went to dinner with Sean thinking he’s into you. You’re pathetic. It’s sad that you think these men actually want you, are you seriously that desperate for somebody to love you? ~M_

Louis frowned, regretting even reading this stupid message. He wasn’t desperate nor asking anyone to be with him. They were just trying to hurt his feelings and congratulations, they did. It was like they knew what to write to affect him in ways that could sting. Trying to make him feel miserable because they would get a good laugh out of it.

It wasn’t funny, or a clever remark, all it was is mean-spirited and spiteful.

As much as Louis didn’t want to deal with this problem, he couldn't help but wonder who _M_ was and why they had it out for him. Almost wanting to track them down and have it out with them. As he’s not sure how much longer he can deal with their belligerent harassment.

Because it all had to come to an end at some point, didn’t it?


	6. V

“I promise I’m okay.” Louis told his mum, folding one of his shirts before setting it in his holdall.

He hadn’t told Jay specifically the reason why he decided to come stay for the weekend. Not because he didn’t want to say, but he’s been so busy catching up with his family. Spending time with the girls and listening to their boy problems. Being well fed by his mother who decided to have a warm meal on the table when he’d arrived. Who also brought up that Kathy (her fellow colleague) has a son and he’s a dental assistant. And yet, Louis had successfully dodged another of Jay’s date setups by saying he was happily single before changing the subject onto something else.

As much as he loved his mother to death and appreciated her help, but sometimes she was a bit overbearing.

But nonetheless, Louis had enjoyed his stay where he didn’t have to think too much about Sean or Harry.

Except now that Johannah wanted to ask questions an hour before he heads to the train station. Not that Louis could blame her, after all, he doesn’t just come home on a whim unless it was holidays or needed something.

So, he’d been waiting for that moment all through the weekend, and apparently now was the right time.

“Did something happen at work?” Jay proceeded to figure out Louis’ motives, sitting on his bed watching him pack.

“Other then the fact I hate working there, things are fine, mum.” Louis commented as he continued to pack his clothes away, doing his best not stare at the questionable look on his mother's face.

“Did you get into a disagreement with Niall or Harry?”

“No.”

“Does this have to do anything with a guy?” Jay asked carefully.

Louis nearly froze up at those words when he was in the middle of folding his trousers because this _was_ a boy problem. Two of the most stressful issues of his life that were tearing him apart.

“Umm,“ Louis glanced at his mum, swallowing. Trying to find his words because what the fuck does he even say?

That he was devastated over the fact Harry was taking a big step with Ellie? That he wished he could get rid of these feelings for his friend? That Sean wants back into his life?

He was at a loss for words. Louis wanted to spill his heart out to his mum, don’t get him wrong. It was just… he couldn’t tell her everything. The downfall of it all was the fact she was longtime best friends with Harry’s mum, and they talked all the time. Louis trusted him mum, he did, but sometimes she could get carried away and slip up some of Louis’ private matters. Because the last thing Louis needs right now is for Harry to catch any wind of it.

Jay looked at him for a second before starting up again. “What happened, sweetheart?”

Louis gnawed on his lip, dropping his jeans from his hands and took a calming breath. He just hoped his mum would keep this to herself.

“I went to dinner with Sean, Wednesday.” Louis murmured, his fingers fiddling with the edge of his long sleeved top, trying to pull them down as far as he could to cover his hands.

Jay raised her brows, probably not expecting that to leave her son’s mouth after everything he’d went through.

“And how did that go?”

Louis thought back to the dinner, and his heart panged at the bittersweet memory. “He said he missed me and wanted to be in touch again.”

“Have you been talking to him since?”

“Only a few times when he’s texted, but I just… I don’t know if I’m making a mistake.”

Jay frowned, thinking for a moment. “Do you miss him?”

Louis blinked, stuck and stumped at his mother's question because, did he miss his ex-boyfriend?

Sean was his first love and meant the world to him. But since they’d been separated, he tried to forget those tattered memories they had together. It was when Harry started to have a soft spot in his heart that Louis had pushed Sean out of his mind for good.

Until he reached out to Louis weeks ago and ever since then, he’s been looming around his mind. Wondering what was it his past lover wanted, and when they’d went to dinner, it was an emotional roller coaster. In a perfect world, Louis would say no indeed, but unfortunately, life wasn’t fair.

“A little.” It had come out in more so a whisper because he felt ashamed, he shouldn’t feel a slight longing for that man.

“Do you still care for him?”

“Uh…” His mum was going to be the death of him, wasn’t she? “I don’t… I don’t think I do.”

Jay sighed. “I think whatever path you choose with Sean, whether he’s a friend or more, please don’t ever feel like you made a mistake.”

His mum always knew the right things to say to make him feel better about himself.

“You have a big heart that tends to forgive easily, just like your dear old mother.” Jay chuckled. “But in all seriousness, whatever happens just know you can always talk to me .”

“Thanks, mum.” Louis murmured, feeling a bit better now that he actually told someone. “But uh… can you not tell Anne about this?”

Louis knew when it came to his mum and Anne, the news was bound to reach Harry in a matter of hours. He couldn't have that happen now, could he? Because the last thing he needed was to open that can of worms.

“I just don’t want any of my mates to know about this yet, and I’m worried she’ll ask Harry about it.” Louis continued reason his anxieties, starting to almost feel nervous about even telling his mum. What if his sisters find out? What if they go off and tell Gemma, Niall, and Harry themselves?

Fucking hell maybe this was a bad idea…

But then Jay finally spoke up, and Louis could feel his heart thumping in his chest. “I won't say anything you don’t want me to share, sweetheart.”

Louis had hoped his mum would keep her word. God, he'd hoped so.

“Anne may be my best friend, but you're my son, and your secrets will always be safe with me.”

Maybe one day Louis could tell his mum he had gotten feelings for Harry.

“Not even the girls?”

“Not even them.”

In a way, Louis felt comforted to know Jay would keep his skeletons in the cupboard. It was almost soothing, honestly. Yet, Louis wasn’t finished, he needed to get more off his chest because he couldn’t go back to Liverpool with a heavy heart.

“Um.. there is another thing that’s been weighing on my mind.”

Jay looked at him curiously, “ What is it, sweetheart?”

Louis gnawed on his lip for a moment, trying to think of a way to tell his mum about possibly moving back home. Not that he wants her to worry, of course, assuming he lost his job or kicked out of his home.

Eventually finding his words, “Harry’s moving out at the end of March, and I’m just a bit worried that me and Niall can’t save the flat.”

The corners of Jay's lips slid downward, a hint of concern in her eyes. “Have you and Niall got a backup plan?”

Louis shook his head. Honestly, they hadn’t even really discussed it.

“Actually, I’ve been considering coming back if things don’t work out.” Louis confessed, his stomach hard as a rock.

“Well, wherever life takes you, just know you’ve always got a place here.” Jay commented reassuringly, it did make Louis feel better to know he’d be welcomed back home.

Louis took a calming breath. “And mum promise you won't tell-”

“I won’t say a word.”

The corners of Louis’ lips quirked upward, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew coming home was the right decision, sometimes Louis would kick himself for not coming to visit more often.

Then again… soon enough that wouldn’t even be a problem.

Later, Louis’ was on the train heading back to Liverpool and with his ear pressed against the phone, listening to the sound of Sean’s voice.

It’s not like he wanted to spend his ride back talking on the phone, especially to his ex-boyfriend no less. Yet, sitting here looking out the window only held his interest for so long and he didn’t want to think about Ellie and Harry. Louis really tried, but in the end, he couldn’t help but think of them. Thankfully, Sean swooped in to save him.

Yeah, surprising right?

“Do you need me to pick you from the station when you arrive, babe?” Sean asked, sounding awfully hopeful. “It’s raining pretty bad.”

Right, of course, it is. So much for walking back and enjoying the silence, looks like he had no choice.

“You don’t have to do that for me, Sean,” Louis muttered into the line, squeezing his free arm against his waist.

Louis could hear the man sigh before insisting, “But I want to, and besides wouldn't you rather keep dry and not fighting off a cold for a week straight?”

“Do you honestly believe there’s any truth to that?”

“Are you calling my parents liars?”

The corner of Louis’ lip twitched as he glanced out the window and watched the moving panorama of bare trees and desolate sky. Burying his fingers into his coat when he thinks of seeing Sean’s face when he steps off the train. Promising himself, he won’t relive the past when his ex-boyfriend keeps hanging around.

“I mean I’m not saying they’re fibbers, but… I’m pretty certain germs are the culprit here.”

Sean let out a chuckle. “You made a point I’ll give you that but, you can still be affected by hypothermia, Lou.”

“Good thing we don’t live in Antarctica, right?” Louis quipped hearing the man laugh into the line, noticing droplets of rain started to pour down the window pane.

The line went silent, and Louis waited.

“I can’t wait to see you,” Sean finally breathed out, making Louis’ heart freeze over. “I bet you look beautiful.”

Its things like that, that leave Sean’s mouth so easily are going to make the whole potential friendship a dangerous game. At one point Louis had a feeling those compliments may affect him, and so he makes a note in his mind to talk his ex-boyfriend about it later.

“I think you meant to say uncomely, actually.” Louis corrected as his eyes fluttered closed, he wasn’t dressed his best, but his joggers were comfortable.

“Don’t say that you’ve always looked stunning to me.”

Hmm, this was going to be a problem, wasn’t it?

“But anyway, as much as I don’t want to stop talking, I do need to finish up some business before I come get you.” Sean brought up, thank god. “Maybe if you're up for it, we can go grab something to eat.”

Oh no...

Louis planned to say no, he really did because he didn’t want to spend too much time with that man. Especially since they’ve already been talking on the phone for nearly twenty minutes now, Louis didn’t need to be physically with him longer than necessary.

Shit, maybe Louis should just suck it up and walk in the rain, getting drenched head to toe. Avoiding being with Sean because he didn’t want this to turn into an outing, but the downfall of it was: it was the tail end of winter.

Which fucking hinged those plans because Louis knew he’ll just end up calling someone to come get him once his whole bodies on the verge of turning into an icicle. He could take the bus or the tube, yes. However, the whole being crowded thing wasn’t something he wanted to do again. Not only that, but all his mate were busy doing their own things today.

So, of course, Louis didn't go with his thoughts, fucking typical.

“Maybe, as long as you’re willing to pay my way.” Louis felt his phone buzz against his ear, flickering his eyes open.

Sean was probably smiling ear to ear, Louis could just see it “Well what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t take the bill?”

Louis took a deep, calming breath. They were once again, meeting up and Louis wonders if things are happening too fast.

He fucking saw Sean not even a week ago, and they were already making plans for supper.

What happened to the agreement back at Panoramic 34? Where Louis said them being okay wasn’t going to happen overnight? To give him time?

Apparently, he couldn’t even follow his own words, which was unfortunate.

When he’d gotten off the phone after they said their goodbyes Louis didn’t hesitate to see who tried to reach him. Not even sparing a second when he pushed the message icon and his stomach dropped when seen the text.

‘ _ **Harry:** So is next weekend okay to have dinner with Niall and Ellie?_ ’

Louis whimpered, completely ignoring the text as he pulled up safari.

No, it wasn't fucking _okay_ , Louis didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be in the same room with that vile person Harry called a companion. Witnessing her getting something Louis wanted desperately. Honestly, Louis felt like after that night what would even be the point anymore? Ellie will eventually just screw Louis out of a friendship he’s had since he was practically a child. Louis wouldn’t feel very welcome to come over to their flat nor would he want to anyway. Lastly, she’d always be there.

It was a sad state of affairs, but what choice did Louis have?

The only thing Louis could do now was search for a new flat for the remainder of the train ride.

There was no other way about it, he’ll be moving back to Doncaster with a blue heart.

*********

It had been one hell of a day for Louis.

He’d been cooped up in his room trying to avoid the reality of the situation. It was the night Harry would ask Ellie to move in with him.

And Louis wanted nothing more than to have an onset cold to get out of this dreadful dinner that is a mere hour and a half away. Louis should have told Harry he couldn’t do it, as he had plans with his sisters. Trying to come up with the cleverest of lies that would be realistic enough; however, that never happened. Louis was stuck going whether he liked it or not. Even if it made him out of sorts, he’d have some guilt riding with him. Because he knows Harry would do the same for him in a heartbeat.

He felt like the world’s worst best mate.

Louis was currently killing time on his laptop on Tumblr, answering questions from some curious followers. Carding his fingers through his damp fringe that was still air drying, and sitting cross-legged on his bed. It was a nice distraction from the chaos ensuring outside his bedroom door. Niall reassuring Harry that everything will be fine and she’ll definitely say yes. Louis wanted nothing to do with that, best friend or not.

It was selfish he knew, but he just needed to be alone right now.

Most of the questions Louis had gotten were wondering how he was feeling and giving him encouraging advice. Ranging from _it’ll be easier to move on, you deserve better_ and _keep your head up_. It was nice to know his followers had his back. At least that _M_ anon wasn’t pestering him tonight, thank fuck. Louis just didn’t need that negativity on top of everything else.

But apparently, he had a curious anon.

_So what’s the story with H? I’m new to your blog, and I’m curious! Pretty please :)_

Louis had told them that Harry was his best mate that he’d fallen in love with because of one stupid decision. It made Louis’ mind rewind back to that night they had hooked up for the first time. He hadn’t expected it when Harry kissed him, but he liked it. He loved the way Harry’s hands ran along his body, and his lips coated his skin with burning kisses. Louis felt like he took it all for granted.

It was never a nice feeling thinking about the past of Harry and him sleeping together, especially thinking about how things ended. It was the worst feeling in the world, his heart getting broken by the one guy he trusted the most.

But of course, the anon wanted more juicy details and was quick to ask what was the problem. Louis swallowed as he typed out that they had hooked up for over a year. H suddenly gotten a girlfriend he had no idea about, but his mates knew.

It was sad when Louis reads over what he typed before posting, because any person in their right mind would’ve dropped Harry as a friend. It’s easier said than done because he was Louis best mate, their mums have been close since their teenage years. It was not like he could erase Harry from his life and Niall take his place. Because it wouldn’t feel right.

Louis sighed when he sees he had another ask from the mysterious anon, wondering how it happened.

So, Louis told them about Sean and what had happened, why Harry and him wound up in bed together in the first place. At least it was a safe place to share these innermost secrets. Louis wouldn’t know what he’d do if he’d never joined Tumblr years ago.

A moment later there was a small knock on his door and Niall letting himself in the room, Louis quickly shutting his laptop. Totally not suspicious _at all_.

Niall looked at him questioningly, his eyes on the tablet that Louis thankfully had a passcode to, last thing he needed was to be nosey.

“So…” Niall said idly, flicking his gaze to Louis. “What’s up?”

Louis scratched the back of his neck, trying to think for a moment. Hopefully, Niall wasn’t going to keep pressing for answers.

“Just some boy talk with Lottie is all,” Louis knew it wasn’t a very good lie. Normally his sister would ring him then reach him on messenger. So Louis had to come up with a reason and quick. “Apparently this guy she’s into lied about having a girlfriend.”

Louis should just smack himself round the head already, issuing his own life trouble to make a lie about his sister. What was his world coming to?

Niall lifted an eyebrow, “Interesting.”

Louis gave a little nod. “Yeah she’s pretty upset.” he prayed to he wants about that Niall did not talk to Lottie at all recently. Oh god, Louis should have thought this through!

But what left Niall mouth next wasn’t what he was expecting: “Anyway, I wanted to know if after the dinner with H, do you want to binge watch old seasons of Jersey Shore and order a pizza?”

Honestly, Louis could go for something like that because he would definitely need some sort of distraction. Hopefully, Harry and Ellie don’t decide to intrude because Louis doesn't want to be around them after everything goes down.

“Not like I have better things to do,” Louis hoped dinner would end quickly so he can hang with Niall. “So count me in, Nialler.”

Niall’s face lit up. “Great!”

Louis had a feeling at some point during their reality show marathon Donovan will be brought up. It’s inevitable. However, Louis would rather hear Niall moaning about Donovan than about the other events on the night. Besides, maybe he could talk some sense into the poor boy and get him to stop lying about having a boyfriend that doesn’t even exist.

If only Niall doesn’t keep misconstruing his words of advice, then things might go the way Louis had hoped.

“But anyway I got some free time before dinner, do you wanna come play some FIFA?” Niall asked, sounding hopeful.

As much as Louis loved his blog, playing video games with Niall sounded even better.

“Your arse is mine, Horan.” Louis challenged with a smirk as he got off his bed and sauntered past his friends.

“Just keep on dreaming, Lou!” Niall shouted after him, following Louis out the bedroom door.

For the rest of the time until they left, Louis spent it playing video games with Niall. Mostly playing _FIFA_ before indulging into some _Super Mario World_ on Niall’s ancient NES console. It was fun, and Louis actually didn’t think about Harry or Ellie, too busy bantering back and forth with Niall to give a damn. Laughing and having the best time, it was honestly refreshing.

Needless to say, that was what Louis needed the most.

Eventually, all good thing come to an end and Louis’ at _Bacaro_ with Niall, waiting for Ellie and Harry to show up. Swallowing down some sparkling water with lemon as Niall’s going on about how he’s been contemplating about going back to school when autumn hits. Wanting to get a degree in business management because he’d like to open his own pub someday. Which was nice for Niall to have a goal in life, even after getting his degree in Communication in Media which didn’t work out as he kept with his job at the pub. Louis just hoped Niall would have better luck this time around.

Niall then changed the subject onto how it blows that Easter falls on April fools day as it was _his day_. Louis was kind of glad he didn’t have to deal with his friend's tricks this time around, he can take joke usually, but sometimes it got old real quick.

Louis downed most of his water, nearly choking when Harry and Ellie suddenly show up. Louis felt so fucking ill all of a sudden watching Harry help his girlfriend with her coat.

“Sorry, we’d gotten a bit stuck in traffic, lads.” Harry apologized, sitting down in the seat across Niall, Ellie beside him, unfortunately across from Louis. Fucking hell. Now Louis was definitely sure this evening was going to break him.

“That's alright, Lou’s been good company.” Niall beamed, taking a sip of his coke. “Haven’t ya, mate?” he slapped Louis against the back of his shoulder making him jolt forward a bit.

Louis sighed, giving Niall a passing glance. “Yeah, whatever you say.” he then jabbed his elbow into Niall's side, smirking at grimace on his mates face. ”but anywho, since everyone here that’s supposed to be, I’m ready to order food.”

Truthfully, Louis hadn’t had an appetite. But the faster this meal could end, the better.

Thankfully their waitress had come back with some menus, and surprisingly Ellie’s been quite so far, not that Louis complained. He actually might be able to tolerate her if things keep going the way they do.

By the time the waitress had come back over and taken their orders, Louis had prayed the food would get done soon enough, because it’s about to be a rough one for Louis.

“So, Louis seeing any men lately?” Ellie casually brought up out of fucking nowhere. “I mean I think I saw you with a handsome fellow just the other day.”

 _Oh no_ ….

He was with Sean Tuesday because the man stopped by his work and begged Louis to spend his lunch break with him waltzing around the city. It wasn’t anything incriminating nor was it planned, his ex-boyfriend showed up unexpectedly and promised a free red velvet cupcake. They talked, mostly about trivia bullshit, mostly Sean did the chattering. Still, it doesn’t mean he had to be put on fucking blast.

“Uh-” Louis was a loss for words because in the hell does he even say?

There’s no denying it, but he can't say who he was with.

Harry furrowed his brows and Louis didn’t appreciate that look he was receiving. Not at all. Because he knew his friend was trying to figure it out, not that Louis had blamed him because any person would be curious after someone revealing something like that.

“Got you a secret boyfriend we don’t know about, Lou?” Niall teasingly asked, ruffling Louis’ hair with fingers fondly.

Louis swatted away his mates hand and shook his head, “No- uh, it’s not that serious.”

“If it wasn’t serious then why did he look at you like he wanted to marry you?”

First of all, where in the hell did Ellie even see them? And secondly, she can go to hell. That was a sensitive spot she poked, and Louis was not about to let her ruin his night any more.

“He’s a good friend, that’s it.” Louis snapped, his fingers squeezing against his glass.

“Louis,” Harry warned, but fuck it. He’ll be damned if he lets Ellie make him feel bad about the past even though she never met Sean, it was like in a way she just knew it’d do some damage.

“I mean, you don’t have to be rude about it, but I know what I saw. He’s cute though, don’t let him get away.”

Louis insides were on fire, already just wanting to say fuck it and leave. They haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet!

Well, there goes that... Ellie was once again insufferable.

“Who is it, Lou?” Niall asked, oh for fuck sakes.

Louis shook his head, “He’s an old mate from uni, you don’t know him.” It was a terrible lie, and he knew it. He didn’t have many friends back in uni, mostly hung around, Harry, Niall, Sean, and his boyfriends closest companions. Hopefully, it’s believable enough that they’d just leave it alone. “And it wasn’t a date if your wondering, we were just hanging out.”

“No need to get so defensive about it, love,” Ellie commented, looking awfully smug brushing her hair off her shoulder. “ I mean… unless deep down you do want to wed him someday.”

Oh, Louis was _livid_. So fucking _enraged_ that he had to get up and excuse himself for a moment, making his way towards the toilets. He was sick and tired of Ellie’s intrusive questions that didn’t concern her or anyone else. It's not a big fucking deal that he met up with some guy and walked. Like ya, it’s his ex-boyfriend that his friends don’t like, but none of them know that. They think it’s just some guy he met at uni ages ago, but she just kept poking and prodding, probably so fucking proud to get a reaction of out him.

He spent about two minutes in the bathroom stall trying to calm his nerves before re-emerging back into the dreadful reality. Thankfully the topics changed onto Harry complaining about the veterinary hospital he worked for not having enough morning staff.

Louis just hoped all the attention was finally off him for the remainder of the night.

Thankfully so, everyone was too busy on the food that was finally delivered, oh thank god. As much as Louis' stomach churned at the plate of pea & mint tortellini sitting in front of him, he would try to stomach it.

For the most part, Louis just listened in on his mates talking, with Ellie adding in her comments here and there. Louis, for the most part, kept to himself, not really in a wonderful mood, and yeah he did nod his head when Harry had asked him if his pasta was any good. Trying to not read too much into that hint of a frown dancing on his mates lips.

If this night couldn’t have gotten any more distasteful, Harry cleared his throat and turned in his seat towards Ellie.

Louis could feel his heart crying as it broke into a million pieces because he knew what was about to come next. It hurt… it _hurts_ so fucking much.

“El?” Harry asked, his hands on her bare arm, Louis' eyes flicked down to his half gone plate. “I’ve been doing some thinking these past few months, and I want to ask you something.” Louis’ not sure if he can do this. “I can’t imagine it not being any other way, but I hope you’ll say yes.” Louis’ going to be sick, already starting to push his seat back because it’s too much for him. “Do you wanna move in together?”

Louis had never gotten up quick enough and scurried off to the bathroom, holding his hand over his mouth. Pushing himself back into a stall and leaning against the door with his face in his hands, taking a deep, shaky breath. It’s not fair that he’d been put through this, witnessing someone so undeserving given everything Louis had dreamt of.

It was as if he were being punished for loving Harry too much.

“I wanna go home.” Louis whispered under his breath so no one could hear him, needing some alone time once again from this city. Maybe he’d take the early train first thing in the morning and call into work sick for a day or two.

After taking a deep breath, he decided he couldn’t hide forever, not only that, but he left kind of suddenly and suspiciously. But he was sure he covered himself good like he was gonna throw up, Which was a half lie, because Louis had felt like it. As much as Louis would like to grab his coat and get the hell out of here. He didn’t want to cause an even bigger scene, Harry, his best mate and he wouldn’t want to ruin this for him. Even if it pained him to do it.

Louis was startled when a fist thudded against the stall door, hands dropping from his face, nearly making him jump when Harry asked, “Everything okay, Lou?”

“Yeah, uh-,” Louis paused trying to sound too broken as he thought of how to tell his mate he wasn’t feeling good. “I don’t think my food agreed with my stomach.”

It was quiet for a moment, Louis smoothed out his top and hoped maybe now that Ellie had what she wanted, he could leave and just decompress with Niall. Hopefully, Harry had plans that didn’t involve staying in the flat tonight, Louis wasn't sure if he could be around them anymore especially if they start talking about potential flats to live in.

Ellie would so do it, knowing it’d eat away at Louis because she’s a blood sucking leach that wanted to make him miserable.

“Oh… Do you think you’ll be alright to go to Liam and Zayn’s they want us to come over for drinks.”

Of course, they wanted to make Louis’ life turn into even more of a nightmare.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.” Louis honestly didn’t want to, but his guilty conscious was screaming at him to just go. At the end of the day, Harry’s his best friend and last thing he wanted to do was create even more of a void between them. No matter how painful this would be, hopefully, it wouldn’t completely break him.

He eventually opened the stall door, and Harry gave him a small smile, but there was no warmth in his eyes.

“Promise your fine?”

“Yes, Harold, I swear I won’t die of stomach pains.”

Harry chuckled a little, shaking his head, and then wrapped his arm around Louis’ shoulder. “There’s the Lou I know and love.”

 _Love_ , but not in the way Louis felt.

“You’ve been quiet all night, it’s weird, “ Harry commented, pulling Louis a little closer for a moment. “ I don’t like it.”

Louis chortled, pushing Harry away playfully, maybe if he started to distance himself physically, this may be easier. “Can’t always get what you want, sadly. But I’ll try to appease you with my bantering, that sound okay?”

Harry rolled his eyes, but the corners of his lips that were curved upward meant it was nothing but playful.

“You’re already making me happy by being here, but I do love to hear you talk shit.”

Louis smirked, starting to feel a smidge better, but he knew the feeling would only be temporary.

“But we should go back to the table and finish up dinner so we can head to Zayn’s for a bit.”

And it was gone…

“Right.” was all Louis had murmured out before he left the bathroom.

For the rest of dinner, Louis attempted to be his lively self, but Ellie was making it hard. She’d brought up Louis seeing Sean again. Explaining that now since Harry and her were going to get a place together soon, maybe he could be the new flatmate. As apparently it’d help get things moving between them. Louis didn't hesitate to tell her to fuck off, not caring if it bothered Harry he bitted back at her attempts. Louis wasn’t dumb, he knew what she was doing, and it just rubbed him the wrong way.

Thankfully at one point, she’d gotten distracted by Niall asking her what part of the city would be ideal to live in.

Her answer wasn’t one Louis had liked.

“Actually, I think I may want to get out of Liverpool, maybe Glasgow?” She glanced to Harry, a pout on her lips. “Can we?”

Harry looked flabbergasted, blinking at his girlfriend and Louis had a feeling this would’ve happened. Of course, Ellie wanted to move away hours away because she knew Louis wouldn’t be around.

It was her dream, wasn’t it? To push Louis out of his best friend’s life?

“El, that’s very far from here, and I’d have get a new job,” Harry explained, not sounding too thrilled, but not exactly denying her request. He ran his fingers through his curls and gave Louis a passing glance before he was back on his girl. “ Let me think it over, okay?”

“Thank you, darling.” Ellie beamed, practically almost out of her seat to give Harry a peck on the lips.

Louis was going to try and hold onto the idea everything will be alright.

Because that was all he could do.

Later, Louis was following his mates and Ellie down the corridor of Liam and Zayn’s building. Louis had hoped Zayn had actually supplied the lite beer this time, because Louis was going to need a bit of a buzz.

After a few moments they had reached the lovebird’s door, and Niall wasted no time to give a knock, Louis just kept his hands stuffed into his pocket. His phone buzzing against his bum, he could only guess who that could've been, but he doesn’t get a chance to answer because Liam’s answering the door and suddenly he is very aware this is more than having a drink with his closest mates.

Right across the wall is a banner that reads “Congratulations!” and a room full of people. Louis suddenly wished he really did regurgitate.

“Come in, come in!” Liam gestured for the lot to get in, Louis reluctantly followed in behind Niall. So it looked like hanging with Niall wasn’t going to happen then. Just Louis’ fucking luck.

“What’s this?” Harry asked, sounding awfully confused. Ellie’s gotten her arm around Harry’s leaning a little too close for Louis’ liking.

“It’s a congratulation party on moving in together, it was Zayn’s idea.” Liam beamed, wrapping his arm around Zayn’s waist, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Felt bad that we couldn’t make it to dinner, so we thought why not throw a party,” Zayn added, and Louis thought they really shouldn’t have. “We invited all of yours and Liam’s colleagues.”

“Oh, how wonderful! Thank you, boys.” Ellie chirped, before looking up at Harry with a warm smile.

Louis bit back his frown as he ventured off towards the guest room where everyone put their coats, needing a moment to himself. Especially if he has to endure this stupid party that is another slap in his face that things are changing.

But unfortunately, Louis isn't alone for very long as he tosses his parka onto the pile, in come Niall looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Everything alright?”

“No, Donovan's coming soon, and my boyfriend’s not here.” Niall fretted about that musclebound dreamboat.

“You mean your fake boyfriend?” Louis still thinks Niall needed to just end that stupid lie already. It’s all just a big headache honestly. “Just tell him you guys broke up.”

Niall sighed. “Same thing.” Actually, it isn’t. “I can't lie to him, Lou.”

“You’re already knee deep in lies, Niall.” Louis pointed out because clearly, his mate hadn’t kept track of all the fibs he’s told. At this rate, Donovan will never want to date Niall, as sad as it sounded. Because once all those lies come to light it won’t be a good ending, but Louis hoped for the best.

Niall deserved a good man.

“Yeah, but if I keep up with the boyfriend thing it’ll keep him jealous and trust me, I can see it on his face when John sends me stuff.”

Louis couldn't've rolled his eyes hard enough. “You know, if you ever get tired of having a fake relationship I could always go talk to him myself< like I’ve suggested before since you think I’m this hot thing that could get any guy I want.”

“Louis we’ve been over this, I want him to come to me,” Niall explained, and Louis had a feeling Niall was in fantasyland. “One day he’ll just gain the courage and ask me out for drinks.”

“Whatever you say, Niall.” Louis knew it was nothing but a losing battle with his friend. Niall’s stubborn and maybe too determined for his own good. He just didn’t have enough energy to deal with it right now.

“But do I look alright?” Niall pulled down his button up a bit with his free hand.

“I mean if he truly liked you he’d think you’d look beautiful no matter what.”Louis had hoped Niall would take his words and run with it. “But yes, you look fit. Happy?”

“Certainly.” Niall grinned, tossing his jacket he was holding onto the pile carelessly. “So since our plans got squashed, do you wanna go grab a few beers?”

Well, at least Niall keep him somewhat busy until the man of his dreams shows up.

“Sounds like a plan, my friend.” Louis said amusedly, sauntering out of the room, and Niall following after him.

As much as Louis wanted to leave, he kept Niall company while they stayed in the kitchen. Slurping down a lite beer and leaned against the wall, with Niall whose going on how they should go on a road trip soon. Just the two of them for a day, just to escape reality. It was nice in theory, but Louis knew it’d be unlikely now that their finance will be even more fucked. Yet, he didn’t shoot down his mates hopes because he would never do that.

Louis briefly wondered at some point why hadn’t Niall brought it up. Them having to figure out their living situation. Like, obviously they can’t afford this lifestyle when Harry was gone, and surely enough he had to be freaking out too?

They didn’t have a plan. Well, Louis knew what he wants to do, but not Niall.

It was a very stressful thought.

But Louis never got to bring it up once Donovan had arrived, abandoned to survive this party himself.

And Louis tried to make friendly conversation with some of the people, trying to make this somewhat bearable. But he couldn’t seem to care about Elizabeth’s fiance not getting the promotion or Dillon’s sister shaving off her hair. He couldn’t focus because everything his eyes would scout the crowd for the curly haired boy. Everytime he found him, his heart panged because Ellie was stuck to him like glue, his hand on the small of her back, and her hand in his back pocket. Resting her head on his shoulder and sending Louis a glare whenever she looked over her shoulder and caught him staring. The same routine he seemed to fall into every single time he went to these parties, and it was getting old real quick.

After sometime Louis is just on his way to the snack table when he bumped into Liam who spilt his vodka cranberry all over Louis’ top.

“Really Liam?” Louis glowered, great now he had laundry to do tomorrow.

“Excuse me? You were in my way.” Liam sounded awfully defensive for placing the blame on Louis. “It’s not a big deal, you won’t even notice once it’s washed.”

“That’s not the point, you weren’t paying attention,” Louis argued, flapping his top to un-cling it from his body. It was cold and wet, not exactly something he was too fond of. “I’m not mad, but I’m certainly not going to let you think this was my fault.”

Liam scoffed. “How am I not surprised that you're putting all the blame on me when you're the one who stepped in front of me in the first place.”

“Well, you're certainly getting very defensive about it…” Louis muttered under his breath, smirking when Liam rolled his eyes.

“Because-” Liam was soon interrupted by a body sliding up into his personal space. It’s Zayn.

“It was both of your faults, actually.” Zayn added his own two cents, handing Louis a was of napkins. “Now stop bickering like children for once. I love you both but can’t you guys go one night without picking at each other?”

“Louis’ the one who started it.” Liam complained, sounding like a child.

“Well, maybe you should have got in my way.” Louis knew he was being kind of a dick, but there was no malice in his words. “But now my top is soiled, thanks for that.”

“For the last time-”

“Enough, no more about this, okay?” Zayn decided to sound like both their mums were scolding them like they did something wrong. “You’re going to create a scene and ruin the party.” Okay, maybe Zayn had a point. “And, if you want Louis you can wear one of my shirts if it makes you feel better.”

Louis sighed. “Thanks.”

Well, it’s better than having to endure the rest of the party with a dirty top. Thankfully Zayn’s build was small like himself, so that worked out just fine.

Still didn’t mean he’d give Liam shit about it later.

When Louis shuts the door behind him when he goes into Liam and Zayn’s room, he heads straight for the wardrobe. Hopefully, he could find something decent. Not that he wouldn’t, Zayn’s stylish, but sometimes his tastes were a bit over the top for himself. Like the mesh top, his mate likes to wear in broad daylight and those tight leather trousers he wore on special occasions.

Louis was definitely not going to wear either of those. 

Thankfully, he was able to find just a plain v-neck and quickly changed into it, rustling his fingers through his fringe, and decided now was a good time to check his phone.

And it was a text from his ex-boyfriend.

‘ _ **Sean:** Maybe one of these days I can convince you to come over for dinner._ ’

Hmm, Sean really must be dreaming, isn’t he?

Louis decided he’d get back to that later because he can’t deal with him tonight, his mood is the foulest it’s ever been, and he just wanted to be alone. So this was nice, having this oasis from the chaos outside the bedroom. Away from it all for a minute.

But he wasn’t entirely alone, Zayn’s cat Jinx decided to come out from hiding and rubbed up against Louis’ leg.

“What, huh?” Louis cooed, bending down to scratch him behind the ear. “I don’t have anything for you.”

Jinx was about four years old and loveable little fellow. Spoiled rotten with all the toys and treats Zayn bought for him.

But he got it.

You see, a few years ago Zayn had been devastated when his other cat, Oakley, had passed on due to kidney failure. Liam being the wonderful soul he is, had surprised his boyfriend with a new cat to cheer him up that he’d adopted. It was so sweet and heartwarming, that Louis almost teared up himself when Zayn cried.

Jinx was Zayn’s baby and has been ever since.

Louis continued to pet the cat until the bedroom door abruptly swung open and Jinx sped off to hid under the bed. Then when Louis moved to stand straight, he could feel himself almost choking on air. Ellie was right there with the door shut behind her, arms crossed and her expression steely.

This couldn’t be good.

“I’ve been meaning to get you alone all night,” Ellie said frigidly, taking steps closer toward Louis. “Now that I do, you’re going to listen to what I have to say.”

Louis stands there quietly when Ellie slowed to a stop mere inches away, her demeanor is nothing but hostile. Something in his gut was telling him to leave before it gets worse, but he can’t seem to move. Not only that but he was sick and tired of being pushed around, whatever she spit at him, he could take it.

“You know, Harry had always wanted us to be friends and pretend that things are fine,” Ellie griped. “But I’d rather drive my car off the cliff than be mates with someone whose pathetically in love with _my boyfriend_. “

“You don’t-” Louis was about to snap back, but Ellie started to talk again.

“You’re a mess, Louis. First, you have feelings for my boyfriend, and then you go off and meet up with Sean.” Ellie sneered. Louis was baffled, how does she know about that? “But then again maybe you deserve to be with that cheating scumbag because let's face it, no one will ever truly love you.”

Louis frowned, those words affected him no matter how much he didn’t want them too. Seeping right into his heart and it was awful. Because maybe she’s right, that no one will ever fall in love with him because something’s wrong with him. He’s already lost love twice, and he’s almost afraid to give his heart to someone else.

“I bet the only reason he wants you around is because you’re easy.” Ellie knew nothing about his ex-boyfriend, _nothing_! It was starting to make Louis feel so fucking livid, it was one thing to get bothered that Louis had feelings for Harry, but it’s another when it had to do with something she had no business putting her nose in. “I still can’t believe he wasted five years of his life being with you, no wonder he whored around.”

He didn’t understand… how does she know? Louis hadn’t told anyone he’d been with Sean other than his mum. Who obviously didn’t say anything to Anne because Harry would have raised hell. Not only that but he’s sure none of his friends told Ellie about Sean either because it was such a taboo topic after they’d broken up.

“What a lucky bastard he was for never getting the chance to ask you to marry him or that would've been a huge mess in the end.”

That crossed the fucking line, Louis didn't want to hear any more of this bullshit coming out of her mouth. He was so _angry_ that his insides were just boiling and quivering, he was _done_. So fucking over her malicious words because she needed to be put in her damn place.

“Fuck off, you know nothing about him!” Louis snapped, finally finding his voice.

Ellie's mouth pursed into a smirk, her gaze was searing, and proved she knew too much. “Bluevelvet told me more than enough.”

Louis stiffened and felt like his heart stopped beating, she _knew_. Ellie found his blog and seen everything, his ex-boyfriend hanging around and his unrequited feelings for Harry. That he had revealed Harry and him used to hook up… oh fuck

He was screwed, so fucking _screwed_.

“What’s the matter, Louis? You look a little pale.” Ellie sounded so proud of herself; it was sickening. “Was I not supposed to know about your Tumblr blog?”

“No.” Louis whispered, his lip bottom lip trembling.

“Maybe you should’ve been more careful if you didn’t want me to find out, which unfortunately for you I did, months ago,” Ellie explained, squinting her eyes. “I’m sure you’ve seen my little messages I’ve sent you.”

So that’s whose _M_ was.

How come he never picked up on that correlation? It was blatantly there in his face everytime M- Ellie had sent him hate. He almost mad at himself for never figuring this out.

Never in a million years had he thought it’d been her though… he thought it was a safe space.

Apparently, he’d gotten it all wrong.

“But I promise I won’t tell Harry about your dirty little secret on two conditions,” Ellie threatened, Louis could feel his heart in his stomach already. “One, “ Ellie said pausing to hold up her index finger “You are to stay away from my boyfriend.” Then she held up her middle finger. “ Secondly, you’re to move back to Doncaster by the end of the week and never come back.”

No. Absolutely not.

Ellie may have the upper hand, but Louis was sick of her belligerent commands. At this point fuck it, if Harry thinks for a moment anything she tells him is real, then he’s not a true friend.

And you know what?

Ellie can go fuck herself.

“No.” Louis wasn’t going to back down, no matter how much she kicked and screamed about it. “You’re not going to stand there, and fucking blackmail me because you’re insecure.”

Ellie snarled. “Take it back.”

Louis shook his head, never. “Go to hell.” 

“You think you can defy me? When I have all the power in my hands to break that precious friendship of yours.” Ellie seethed, taking a step closer. “I can make him resent you, just like that.” she snapped her fingers. “All I’ve got to do is lie to him and say you’d stolen from my purse or better yet, put a hand on me.”

Louis would never! It just goes to show how low she’d go to get what she wanted and it was disturbing.

“He’d never believe you,” Louis argued back, hearing a light thump against the door. But paying no mind to that because Ellie was standing much closer than he’d like and it made him want to shrink back into the corner of the wall. “He knows me better than that.”

“You wanna make a bet? Harry always listens to me because he knows I’m always right.” Ellie barked back at him, her nostrils flaring. “I can’t wait for the day he realizes just how much he hates you.”

That was vile, absolutely sick.

“You’re a horrible person,” Louis shot back. “I don’t know what he sees in you, you’re so fucking toxic.”

“If I’m so terrible then why didn't he say no to me when I asked if we could move away from here? Away from you?” Ellie shouted, “The moment you're gone out of our lives it’ll be the best day ever, and I can’t wait for that.”

Louis snarled, how can she be so malevolent and not feel bad about it?

Seriously?

“Because I can't stand you and-” Ellie was mid-yell when the bedroom door abruptly swung open, hitting against the door roughly. Not even finishing what she had to say because Harry came storming in.

In that moment Louis had wondered what all did his mate hear because he looked furious.

“Louis, can you give me and Ellie a moment, please?” His eyes never left his girlfriend, and you could hear the vexation in his voice.

Ellie had long softened her expression on her face, but Louis didn’t stick around for whatever else she’d tried to do to make things seem different. Stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind him. Heat inched to his cheeks when he noticed a few people staring, but he couldn’t focus on that when he hears Harry and Ellie arguing all of a sudden.

Louis shouldn’t eavesdrop, it’s not his place anyway, but fuck it. This night couldn’t get any worse, could it?

“Louis’ my best mate, Ellie!” Harry shouted. “How can you say those terrible things to him?”

“Because everything I said was true” She snapped back, Louis flicked his gaze down to his feet. “I only put up with him for you.”

“Why?” Harry asked sharply.

“Because I love you.”

“No, I wanna know why you thought it was okay to yell those horrid things to him.”

Then there was a brief silence, and Louis could feel like he almost couldn’t breathe. Ellie better not tell him or else Louis would run for the hills.

“I hate him.”

That was such a _strong_ word, not even himself would say he felt that way towards her. Maybe a strong dislike, but never anything more than that.

It honestly stung a little bit.

“I don’t think this going to work,” Harry responded, and Louis gnawed on his lip, his heart palpitating because he has no idea what this means.

“What do you mean this won’t work?” Ellie question, sounding very bemused.

“This… _us_ , if you’re going to treat my mates like shit behind my back, then I don’t wanna be with you.”

Louis’ breath hitched, well that certainly wasn't what he’d expected.

Ellie had to be seething on the inside and Louis could just see her face now. Her eyes narrowed and arms crossed. He’s just glad he’ not in the middle of the Harry and Ellie rift that’s happening on the other side of this door.

“You can’t be serious, you wanna break up with me because of him?”

Karma was finally kicking her in the arse, and it was sweet.

“I’ve known Louis my whole life, and I’m not going to stand around and let you belittle him anymore. He’s important to me.”

Ellie scoffed, probably seeing red right about now. “Should've guess you’d say something like that, after what happened on Valentine’s day.”

Actually, what even happened? Louis would love to know.

“You’re still holding that over my head? Really?” Harry snarked. “I already said I was sorry.”

“Like that means anything, because I should have always known you’d choose him over me any day.”

There was a brief pause of silence and Louis wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but something in his mind was yelling at him to step away. Telling him to stop listening to something that wasn’t meant to be shared. But Louis fought it off for now because he wanted to know what was happening.

Fuck his moral conscience.

“I don’t know why though, he isn’t anything worth fighting for.”

“We’re done.” Harry snapped, making Louis’ heart stall because this was tense and he wasn't even in the room. You could just feel it seeping through the crack at the bottom of the door, and it was hefty. “You can forget about us living together because I don’t wanna be with you anymore.”

Ellie let out this bellow of a growl and Louis didn’t want any part of that, taking a few steps away. Almost afraid she’ll push him out of the way if she had to.

It was then the door swooshed open, and Ellie decided right now was a good time to cause a scene when she glared at Louis and hissed: “I hope you're happy with yourself.”

Louis felt heat inch up to his cheeks when he felt all eyes on him, and the party suddenly had gotten very quiet. Ellie then stomped away and all Louis heard in a matter of seconds was the door slamming almost off the hinges.

Oh, that was… that was something.

“Who's up for some karaoke?” Liam broke the quietness, looking panicked as he motioned towards his couch. “Person with the most applause gets a tenner!”

“And an extra piece of cake.” Zayn added with a promising smile.

“Now who's up for it?”

Eventually, Liam managed to coax everyone's attention away from the break up that just happened, thank god.

Suddenly, Louis felt fingers curl around his wrist, glancing beside him, and noticing Harry had this unreadable expression across his face. Then before Louis knew it he was being led into the bedroom, his stomach was a fluttery mess because he had no idea what he was walking into.

But then they're in the center of the room, and Louis' wrist was let go.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked cautiously, his eyes looked sadden. Louis wondered if this had to do with losing his girlfriend or if this was about him.

Louis gnawed on his lip when he glanced down to his feet for a moment, his heartfelt guilt-ridden because he never had it in him to say it to Harry.

But, now that it was over, he wasn't chary of it.

He steadily glanced back up at his friend and muttered, “Because she made you happy.”

The corners of Harry's lips slid downward. “ I’m sorry I never noticed it before, I would've ended it a lot sooner.”

And Harry sounded sincere about that, and it made a flicker of warmth in his heart.

“Everything she said about you from the moment I heard her yelling, I feel so bad. None of what she said was true, I’d never hate you.” Harry admitted, sounding absolutely remorseful. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life anymore.”

Louis wished he could tell Harry everything, but he couldn’t.

“I just hope you don’t feel like any of this was your fault, because it wasn’t. No matter what she said about it, it was on her.” Harry solaced, his hand back on Louis’ wrist gently. “I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for putting you through all that.”

Of course, Louis didn’t blame Harry for any of that chaos, it’s not like he knew and turned a blind eye on it for the past few years. It wasn’t blameworthy.

“Harry... It’s fine, we’re fine.” Louis crooned, trying to muster up a smile to show they were fine.

“Okay.” Harry whispered, the dolefulness in his eyes slowly faded away.

They lapsed into a silence for a moment, and Louis felt for once maybe thing will start to feel okay.

Then Harry’s pulling him into hug and Louis wrapped his arms tightly around him, nestling his face into the crook of his neck. Burying his smile against his skin when Harry gives him a squeeze, and a gentle kiss pressed to the side of the head.

It's moments like these that Louis wanted to stay here forever in his arms.

The hug seemed to linger for a moment before Harry pulled away and asked, “I know I can’t make it up to you after everything, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make things better again.”

Louis had a glimmer of hope that Harry would keep his vow.

“Don’t let me down, Harold.” Louis said with a hint of lightheartedness in it.

“I won’t.”

“Good.”

Harry licked his lips, “So I guess that means you're stuck with me for the rest of the night then?”

“I mean if you want.” Louis tried to suppress the grin wanting to show through, but he just felt so content. He was going to have his best mate back.

Harry beamed, moving to wrap his arm around Louis’ shoulder. “I do,” He avowed, already leading Louis towards the bedroom door. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Louis couldn’t help but let his heart flutter at those words because they meant so much to him.

And you know what?

Maybe the future won’t be so bad after all.


	7. VI

Habitually, Saturday mornings were spent lounging in bed until noon.

It was one of the things Louis had looked forward to after a long week of work. Sleeping in a little longer and trying to avoid the world for a while. It’s one the greater pleasures of life Louis would say and certainly the only thing that hasn’t let him down.

Laying in bed doesn’t mean he had to face those one sided feelings or a past lover that wanted to be mates. Nor did it mean hating every second of his shift on the job and feeling bad at the end because of one entitled customer. It’s Louis oasis from it all, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Louis yawned, scraping his fingers through his soft fringe, staring up at his phone. It’s going on ten, and he hadn’t moved from his spot since he’d awoken. Having a bit of a group chat between Lottie and Fizzy; his sisters. Apparently, they wanted to blow up his phone at this ungodly hour because they still needed to get Jay a gift as her birthday was a little over a week away. So it looked like his morning lounge will be more hectic then he’d like. Then again, it was what he deserved, should’ve gotten his mum a nice card and present days ago, but no of course not. He’d been so busy himself trying to scrounge up whatever he could to pay his portion of the rent that's due. But of fucking course, he didn’t keep track of his finances and went to the damn cinema with Niall to see _Tomb Raider_ and then thought it was such a brilliant idea to go spend even more money on drinks at the pub.

What in the hell was he thinking?

It sucked, it really fucking blows he had to ask his mum for money to borrow the next time he will see her.

“When will I catch a break?” Louis groaned as he tossed his phone aside, pulling the blanket over his face.

He needed a fucking break already. Don’t get Louis wrong, he loves his sisters dearly and would pretty much do anything for them, but it’s too early for this shit. The day hasn’t even started, and he’s already stressed.

Figures, nothing ever goes Louis’ way.

Then there was a knock against his door and Louis sighed, lowering the blanket from his head and it was Harry letting himself in.

“Hey,” Harry murmured, stepping a little closer to the edge of Louis bed. He could see Harry’s eyes searching his face for a moment. “Everything alright?”

Is it?

No, of course, it isn’t, but he wasn’t going to tell Harry that. Last thing he needed to do was have his flatmate worry because he’s short changed at the moment. Because moving back to Doncaster had been put on the back burner for now.

Louis moved to sit up and scratched at his neck. “Yeah, just trying to think of a gift for mum.”

It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but it was all he could come up with at this moment.

“Maybe you could get her one of those handwritten bracelets?”

“Possibly, but I don’t think she’d appreciate reading _love you_ in my shit penmanship, Harold.”

Harry chuckled, “It’s the thought that counts, you know.”

“But she’s supposed to like it,” Louis argued his point, pulling his blanket a little closer to him, the room feeling quit chiller. “I mean I could always settle with one of those sappy heart keepsakes to put on her bookcase.”

“You could do that, I mean it’s what Jay deserves after raising a Spitfire all these years.” Harry quipped, there's a hint of a smile around his lips.

“You’re such a dick.” Louis said fondly, trying to bite back his smile. 

Harry smirked, crossing his arms. “So other than being in an extra sassy mood today, I was hoping we could go for breakfast if you're free.”

It’s not like Louis had anything better to do than stress over his financial woe’s. Not only that, but it’d been a long time coming since the two of them just hung out. Went out, more so.

“It was absurd you think I actually have plans, of course, I’m free.” Louis commented, wondering if he should wear something warm and cozy. After all, it was only breakfast.

Harry beamed. “Great! We’ll leave in fifteen, okay?”

Thank god, Louis needed to actually look somewhat presentable for the world.

Once Harry had left his room moments later, Louis wasted no time to quickly freshen up. Pulling on his nicest joggers and hoodie, not really caring about his second day wear of his top. Not like anyone would know any better…

Ending up pulling a beanie over his disheveled fringe before grabbing his wallet and leaving his room.

Hopefully, this breakfast outing would be good to him.

When they ended up at a little cafe on the outskirts of the city, Louis was just happy to have a nice hot meal in front of him. It was quiet between them, not having said much other than Harry mentioning that the dreary morning rain had cut his early morning jog with Liam short. Sometimes it surprised him how in the hell Harry could even function doing such a _strenuous_ task nearly every morning and on top of that head off to the gym. Louis doesn’t understand it, and he doesn't think he ever will.

But it was safe to say, Louis liked this, sitting here with his best mate. As things with Harry had been different ever since a certain someone stormed out of Harry life two weeks ago. They had been spending significantly more time together, not _all_ the time, but you get the jist. Whenever Harry was free, he’d come to Louis’ room seeing what he’s up to, both of them ending up at the pub pestering Niall with his boy troubles. Then they’d wound up back at the flat and just hang out. Whether it was films, board games, video games, etc. But there were some nights where Louis spent them alone with his phone pressed against his ear talking to Sean while everyone else did their own things. Which he did appreciate because sometimes he needed a moment, even if that meant shutting everyone out. It’s not that he didn’t want to be around Harry or Niall, they were the closest things he had that were reminiscent of home. It’s just… sometimes Louis was scared that he was opening his heart up too fast, worried he’d fall even more it goes on.

And Louis couldn’t have that.

He loves Harry so much, and just the thought of having his heart torn into two again wasn’t something he could deal with.

It was a quiet meal with his mate, swallowing down most of his hotcakes until Harry had actually broken the silence between them.

“So, don’t be mad,” Harry says, pausing to taking a sip of his coffee. “But, Gemma’s coming to stay for the night for a trade show tomorrow.”

“And why would I be mad about that?” Louis was confused, he liked Gemma. He basically considered her family and one of his good childhood friends. They may not be super close, but they text every now and again.

Harry popped some egg into his mouth before he revealed, “Well I sort of need to kick you out of your room just for tonight.”

Louis furrowed his brows, setting his fork down, and wondered what was going on here.

“If you don’t mind, that is.”

“And where exactly will I sleep?”

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, I mean I was thinking you could bunk with me, you know like a sleepover.”

Oh… _oh._

It wouldn't be a lie to say Louis loved that idea, because fucking hell he does. Anyone in their right mind that got offered that by their crush would be jumping for joy. Waking up next to them and with the chance of a possible cuddle? Louis couldn’t help but want that. Like, he knows it’s a one time thing nothing will come of it, that’s why he wasn’t denying himself. It’s just, why wasn’t she taking Niall’s room?

Or better yet, not staying at a hotel?

Whatever the case, Louis already knew exactly when he wanted.

“Well as long she doesn't snoop around my things, then it’s fine by me, Harold,” Louis mentioned, wrapping his hand around his orange juice and brought it to his lips. Taking a sip and then added, “ She better not be a spy of yours, or I’ll raise hell on you both.”

Harry shook his head, his expression soft, and Louis preened at himself for that look that was just for him. “And what exactly would I have Gems snoop around for?”

Louis shrugged, “ I’m sure she’d find something to hold over my head.”

“I mean I could have her save my Def Leppard shirt from your clutches, after all this time,” Harry said archly, giving Louis a wink. “ Unless you finally admit to wanting to have it for yourself.”

“Oh please, this again?” Louis rolled his eyes, trying to stifle his smile from expanding because maybe there was a bit of truth there. He may haven't worn it since the first time, but something about having a piece of his best mate tucked away in his wardrobe somewhere, it held sentimental value to him. “Are you really this fussed over an old shirt?”

There was a shadow of a grin on Harry’s face, wiping his mouth with the napkin in his hand.

“I mean…” Harry’s voice trailed, and his eyes dragged down to his almost empty plate.

Louis schooled his face into faux-offense, his hand pressed against his chest. “Excuse me?” he demands. “Now you’re blaming me of stealing?”

Harry flicked his gaze back up, god he was so fucking cute with him dimple and that ravishing smile. Fuck, shouldn’t be feeling this enamored right now this early in the morning, it was lamentable.

Then his mate held up his hands in defense, and Louis was so fucked. “Hey, I’m not the one who said anything about thievery, Lou.”

“But you implied it.” Louis teased, swallowing down the rest of his juice.

Harry crossed his arms, leaning against the tabletop, and smiled down at his plate for a moment. His eyes eventually reaching back to Louis seconds later. “You're lucky that I adore you to let you keep it.”

_Fuck._

Louis' heart swelled, and he hated the fact he wanted to squeeze himself into the chair beside his friend and nuzzle up to him. Tell him he thinks the world of him, and yet he can’t seem to do that. Not when Harry’s excusing himself suddenly to the toilets and leaving him all alone to eat the last of his already cold pancakes.

Now that he was alone with his thoughts as he stared out the window their table sat in front of, watching the rain fall onto the pavement. Thinking of later in the day when they’re settled into bed and endlessly talking like they used to when they were younger. The happier times in Louis’ life where he wasn’t afraid to let Harry in and tell him his deepest secrets. Not having to worry about spilling out your feelings to your best mate and your heart in overdrive because they're touching you. Not wanting to be his.

If only Louis could turn back time…

But it doesn't matter anyway, because he’s the one fucked over his fragile heart, hoping he’d be loved.

They made a promise to one another, but it was a little too late to fix it.

Louis soon heard a voice that pulled him from his thoughts, breaking his gaze and staring at Harry who slid back into his seat. Scraping his fingers through the mop of curls on his head with an unreadable expression written across his face.

“Everything okay?” Harry asked, his eyes searching Louis’ face.

“Yeah, ’m fine, ” Louis lied, no need for his mate to know how he’truly feelings. “Just thinking about what I’m gonna do for mum.”

Harry gave him a small smile. “ Maybe we could go shopping together sometime this week? Two heads are better than one, right?”

Louis did like that idea, it’d been ages since they actually went out on a jaunt that didn’t involve the pub or quaint cafe. It’d be refreshing, and maybe Harry could help him too.

“True, but I hope you’re not expecting me to put your name on her birthday card.” Louis quipped, trying to liven his mood up a little. “I mean I get that she considers you like a second son, but that's my role, pal.”

Harry giggled, ugh Louis could feel his heart just swooning in his chest. “I think someone's a little jealous I’ll steal the spotlight from him.”

“Pfff, yeah right. Me? Jealous?”

Harry and his stupidly smug face giving him a dismissive nod, who does he think he is? And where does he get off thinking its okay to look like that? Louis’ fucking dying on the inside.

“Jerk.” Louis mumbled, looking away briefly, his stomach was a fluttery mess. Looking back at Harry out the corner of his eyes and smiling.

It times like these that Louis thinks how stupid it is that they’re not together. They banter effortlessly and hardly ever run out of things to talk about. They could have a good laugh over stupid bullshit and actually make fun out of a boring situation. Yeah, they’ve had some rocky spots in their friendship through the years, but they always come back together. Even when they used to hook up and stopped out of the blue, they stayed friends.

Maybe not as close as they were before, but they never lost that part.

Like, he knew obviously his feelings wouldn’t ever be returned because let’s face it, Harry wouldn’t’ve waited this long to be with him.

And it was one of the worst feelings in the world.

The rest of their breakfast goes smoothly, Harry mainly talked about how his sister would be down around five and if he should just get pizza later. You know for an easy dinner since all the focus should be on Gemma showing up midday. Not that Louis had any complaints, he was actually looking forward to some company and an excuse to be near his mate.

Eventually, they ended up leaving the small cafe and headed back to their quiet flat. Where they could hear Niall snoring from his bedroom. Harry had already started to tidy up around the living room and Louis being the lazy bum he was going to hop right back into bed, nestling under his array blankets. Kind of almost wishing he had a warm body beside him to nuzzle up with, but unfortunately life sucked, and all he had was pillows to suffice.

Being single didn’t have all the perks a relationship had, does it?

He had no one to hold him close and kiss him on the forehead. To hold his hand and lay with him for hours. It would be a lie to say Louis didn’t crave any of that, because he does. Yeah, he can do just fine being single and not wanting to give his heart another go around. It’s just sometimes it’d be nice to you mattered enough to someone. To have that someone who wanted to do that with you, and Louis was envious of anyone that had gotten that.

Sometimes he wondered somewhere in the sea of the bitterness if he’d ever be loved.

Up until Gemma had arrived later that day, Louis had been ghost. Falling in and out sleep to hitting post limit on Tumblr, and even watching a couple of cheesy rom-com films. Thank god everyone left him alone, despite the text he’d received from Zayn wondering when he’d come down to the barber shop for a haircut. It was nice, even if part of him wanted a bit of company, he appreciated the space. But eventually, his solitude came to an end when Harry’s sister barged into his room unannounced and her suitcase rolling behind her.

“Well, well, well look who we have here,” Gemma said whimsically, her eyes on Louis who was getting off the bed. Doing his best at smoothing out the sleeves to his hoodie. “Miss me?”

Louis smirked, he always liked to repartee with Gemma. “You wish I did.”

Gemma scoffed, “Is that how you talk to your guest of honor?”

Harry was leaning against the bedroom door, arms crossed, and the biggest fucking smile on his face. Louis had a feeling it’d be a decent night, with a start like this.

“Only for you, love.” Louis beamed, his eyes darting to Harry for a moment and he felt heat coloring his cheeks when his mate winked at him. Harry really needed to stop doing that because it’s going to a be a problem.

The corners of Gemma’s eyes crinkled when her smile stretched across her face. “Get over here.”

Louis tittered, already striding towards Harry's sister and being pulling into a hug that nearly lifted him off the ground. Gemma practically breaking her damn back squeezing him tight like she hadn’t seen him in years. Well, the last time he saw her was for Jay and Anne’s traditional Christmas Eve dinner, but still. Thankfully Gemma’s death grip had loosened and put him down.

“Still have that iron grip, I see.” Louis quipped, earning a chuckle from the beautiful boy across the room. Gemma rolled her eyes, not too pleased with those choice of words.

“Fuck off.” Gemma snarked, shaking her head as she set her suitcase onto Louis’ messy bed. “I better not be lying in filth tonight, god knows what you’ve done in this bed.” It was a remark that had nothing but playful undertones, because that’s who Gemma was; cheeky. That’s one of the reasons they got on so well, other than being forced into each others lives growing up, she was a breath of fresh air. Louis loved all of his mates dearly and cherished each and every single one of them, it’s just the fact that not everyone can appreciate the same kind of humor they had, so it was nice.

Not only that, but he considered her family.

“Oh, wouldn’t you love to know, Gems.” Louis said puckishly, already veering towards the door. Trying to bite back the smile wanting to spread across his face when Harry followed him out of the room.

And truthfully, Louis had a feeling that this evening would be a good one.

After Gemma had been settled in and the pizza had been delivered, the trio had sat down at the table to swallow down their dinner. Niall had eventually rolled out of bed and joined them, scarfing down half of a fucking pizza like his life depended on it. Louis sometimes was amazed that his mate could even stomach such a sizeable portion like that after sleeping his day away. Shit, himself at least needed to have at least half an hour to wake up before even thinking about food.

Then again, he remembered his teenage years and how there was plenty of midnight snacks before bed, so he really didn’t have room to talk.

But other than Niall’s happy appetite, they had gotten to hear Gemma talk about what had been going on in her life. Mostly going on about her job as a dental hygienist and how much she’s always loved it. Well other than some drama that happens between her fellow colleagues at times., but that almost came with any job. Then eventually she changed the topic on to how she’s excited about that Wedding Fayre tomorrow.

But, Harry wasn't.

“Wait… You’re going to a _wedding show_?” Harry asked, sounding absolutely stupefied. “Why?”

Gemma sighed at that, clearly not too impressed with the fact her brother hadn’t been listening. “Yeah, I told you this was an important event for my future, not even three days ago.”

“You’re not even engaged, Gemma.” Harry pointed out, well he wasn't wrong, the poor girl didn’t even have a significant other.

“So?” Gemma was getting awfully defensive about her life decisions and Louis’ been there, done that. “What exactly did you think I had come here for?”

Harry opened his mouth about to say something, but ended up closing it.

“Exactly,” Gemma stated, leaning back in her chair with a gleam in her eyes. “Clearly you hadn’t been listening to anything I told you, not that I’m surprised..”

Harry rolled his eyes, pushing out of his spot, and went over to the fridge. Louis could faintly hear him muttering under his breath: “Whatever.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll run into a lonely, arrogant businessman that’ll want to sweep you off your feet, you know like in those corny romance films.” Louis pointed out. Earning a small chuckle from Niall. At least he thought it was brilliant.

“A girl can dream,” Gemma commented with a small pout before she leaned forward once again, her arms resting on the table, and eyes on Louis. “Then again, if anyone needs a powerful strapping guy to take care of them, it’s you, Lou.”

“In and out of the bedroom, if you know what I mean.” Niall added for good measures, nudging Louis into the side.

“Right. Because I need dick to get on with my life,” Louis shook his head, watching when Harry moves back into his spot on the other side of him with a glass of coke. Seemingly quiet while he takes a sip of his drink. But Louis rips his gaze away and focuses back onto the conversation at hand; his love life. Fucking fantastic.

“I mean, it’s been a while, right?” Gemma asked, lifting her brow.

“What do you mean?”

“Sex, duh.”

Louis swallowed, had it been a significant amount of time? Yeah, most definitely. The last person he’d been with was right fucking next to him, and Gemma can’t know about that. Surely, they weren’t going to share the news with Niall and Gemma, two years later. Besides the last time Louis checked, Harry and him had never actually discussed it. Them. Their past and if they’d ever decided to tell anyone. Ever since Ellie had come into the picture, it’d been swept under the rug.

As far as anyone knew that hadn’t a clue, they would’ve thought it was Sean.

“Uh, yeah, it has.” Louis answered timidly, feeling his cheeks warm up. Flinching when Harry started coughing after taking another sip of his fizzy drink.

“Geeze did you inhale it over there, H?” Niall teased, his hand now on Louis’ shoulder. “Don’t worry, Lou. It’s been a while for me too.”

Louis appreciated Niall attempt to make him feel better, truly he did, but it’s not that he’s deprived of a good shagging. It’s more than sex, more than wanting have lips pressing burning kisses along his collar bones, or fingers twisting in his hair. Louis wants to be somebody's purpose, the love of their life, and sleeping around with some horny man at the pub wasn’t that.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, boys,” Gemma explained. “But, it can do wonders.”

Maybe it can do magical things for Harry's sister, but Louis wasn’t interested. He had only been with two guys intimately, where they went all the way. Okay, maybe Aaron (another one of his ex-boyfriend’s) and him did a bit of petting more times than he could count on his fingers, but that was pre-Sean and Harry. But still, sex was wonderful and all, but the next time it would happen wouldn’t be until it was going to feel right.

Harry groaned, his eyebrows pinched together “Gemma, I really don’t want to hear about this.”

“Relax, Harry. All I’m trying to say is, is that I think it’d be good for Louis to go find himself a man that'll give him one of the hottest nights of his life.”

“And suddenly my life is turning into a terribly written erotic novel, apparently,” Louis remarked. He heard Harry let out a heavy sigh beside him and Louis braved a passing glance to his mate, his jaw was clenched, and his eyes were downcasted to his almost gone drink.

Not like it should matter to Harry anyway, he’s free to do whatever the hell he pleases. After all, they’re just best mates, right?

“I’m with Gemma on this one, Lou. I think me and you need to cruise the pubs or somethin’.” Niall really should just stop right there, because of hell no. “I mean, one of us is bound to find a nice gentleman.”

Louis glared at Niall, not appreciating that leaving his mouth, because no way was that happening. Not ever!

“I thought you were on the one way Donovan train, Niall?” Harry finally spoke up, and Louis could feel a sudden weight against the back of his chair. A gentle caress that may or may not had been intentional against his arm had sent Louis’ heart into overdrive.

Louis was so fucked.

“Of course I am, but I have needs.” Niall’s explained and Louis hoped that one day his mate would realize his crush may be just a pipe dream.

But that just made Louis into a damn hypocrite because he had wishes too that seemed so far fetched. They both deserve to be exiled and trapped on a tropical island for the next ten years to get their shit together. Maybe it’d be for the best, honestly.

But sadly, Louis and Niall had to deal with the real world, and it’s _unfortunate_ events.

“Oh god, please tell you’ve already banged him, you’ve been infatuated with him for years.” Sadly, Gemma was going to be gravely disappointed in that status quo.

“Well, actually-” Niall started to say, but Louis wanted to be a smart arse and decided why the hell not, and spoke over his friend.

“Niall’s gotten himself a boyfriend, his names John,” Louis smirked when Niall grimaced, probably not too happy. Whatever, it’s not like Gemma would share that with the world and besides Niall had no problem bragging about his make believe boyfriend before. So what's different about it now?

“Wait, what?” Gemma asked, she looked shocked, bamboozled, not expecting _that_ to come out of Louis’ mouth. “You never said anything about a John, Ni.”

Harry tittered, and Louis tried his damn hardest not to let the corners of his lips curve into a smile when he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

And, so Niall told Gemma the story about how Louis had given him the idea of making the heartthrob jealous and all the other asinine detail. Which surprisingly Gemma didn’t criticize him and just decided that Niall was this mastermind. Louis thought they were both mad and Harry did too, telling Gemma not to encourage him, but she didn’t listen. Neither of them did, making a plan on how to win the guy like some cheesy cliche romance film. Like, bringing his fake boyfriend to work and have him break up with Niall in front of the lad. Just to break him from that terrible lie. Thank fuck, they eventually put all the delusional imaginary relationship stuff to bed and decided on busting on Niall’s cards, playing some rounds of euchre for the rest of their evening. Which was nice, they ended up chatting about the past while munching on some buttery popcorn. Laughing over the dumb shit they used to do, and this was nice. When Niall told them at some point that he missed their younger days, Louis couldn’t have agreed more.

And when Harry said he would've done things differently as his eyes wandered to Louis for a moment, he did too.

During sometime of the last round, Louis’ phone started to buzz in the pocket of joggers, not hesitating to check it, and nearly losing his breath because Sean had wanted his attention. Mainly wondering what he’d been up to, and Louis quickly texted him back. Getting his mind right back into the game and trying his damn hardest not to seem phased by who had just messaged him.

Last thing he needed was this night to erupt into a furor.

Which was easier said than done because apparently Sean was bored and had nothing better to do than pester him. Not that Louis was complaining, because things with Sean had been okay… somewhat. They probably text more than Louis would’ve liked, but who's to say he doesn’t like it?

It was nice to have someone wondering how you’ve been and how was your day. It’s been so long since he had someone interested in his life like that, and weirdly enough it’s the same person who's been here before. And fuck, Louis knows it’s a bad idea to keep responding whenever his phone went off and masking away a smile when Sean had typed something kittenish. Honestly, he should just chuck his phone against the wall and hope it never works again, because he's a damn fool.

But, it is what it is.

At some point after they cleaned up their messes and decided on bidding goodnights to one another, as Gemma had a long day and was utterly exhausted. Not only that, but Niall he had plans to go meet up with Zayn and Liam to go down to the pub for a bit.

Louis could only guess the reason why…

So that just left Harry to be his source of entertainment for the remainder of the night. Which meant them sharing a bed and Louis possibly losing his mind.

Maybe it won’t be so bad though, he’s fallen asleep with Harry before, mostly unintentional. But what if… he strips down to those fitted boxers that left little to the imagination? Not that he hadn’t been acquainted with his best mates body before, as he’s gotten see his all of him. Touched all of him. It worries him that he won't be able to control himself and do something idiotic. Last thing he needs is this sleepover to turn awkward.

Louis needed to gird his loins because he had an inkling at some point or another he may just crack.

Crawling under the covers and nestling against the plushness was nice. He felt warm and comfortable, and never wanting to leave his spot. The blankets smelt wonderful; they were redolent of Harry. Louis wanted nothing more than his mate beside him, fingers in his hair, and just forgetting the world.

Louis craved to feel his heartbeat next to his.

Yet, he laid their alone for a while because Harry took his nightly shower, leaving him to his phone. Messaging Sean and scrolling through Tumblr, unsure what to really even post. After Ellie had revealed herself as M, he’d been hesitant. Not that you could blame him, what if she told someone about his secret online life? He doesn’t want to delete _bluevelvet_ , hell no. It’s his lifeline, his safe space.

And no one could take it from him.

Maybe in a weeks time, it’ll feel okay to blog his feelings again.

Then at some point, Louis had thumbed down to a quote that had hit him in the heart.

_Loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction ~ D.J._

Because loving your best friend that didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t something you should hold on to, but you love them too much to let go.

Louis hoped maybe one day he could…

Then he gets a text notification from his ex-boyfriend asking him to send a picture and the bedroom door swinging open. Louis can’t fucking breathe. Harry’s all joggers and skin, and it shouldn’t be allowed. Not tonight. Not when they’re sharing a damn bed.

Oh, how Louis had hoped his mate would locate his shirt soon, because this may be a problem.  
He tried not to stare at the way droplets of water had dripped from his hair down to every dip and curve of his chest. Louis did his damndest not let his eyes follow him around the room, and lick his lips. Not to feel on fire because of the way Harry’s sweats accentuated his arse in the most delectable way.

God, this wasn’t going to be easy, was it?

“So I was thinking we could either watch some films or just talk, it’s totally up to you, Lou,” Harry finally broke the silence, busy messing with his wardrobe, the glancing over towards the bed with a small smile. “Unless you’ve gotten a better idea.”

Honestly, he didn’t give a shit what they did because any sort of distraction was best.

Louis swallowed, not allowing his eyes to trail down Harry's backside any longer and snapped them up. Praying Harry hadn’t noticed. Then he said nonchalantly: “I’m up for whatever, honestly. I’m just expecting to be entertained since this was your bright idea or else I’ll go bunk with Niall.”

“Is that a threat?” Harry asked, and there's a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Louis smirked. “Do you want it to be?”

Harry opened his mouth for a moment and then closed it, shaking his head and focusing back onto what was in front of him. But Louis could see the trace of a smile around the corner of his lips.

He laid there and watched his friend for a moment, Harry was pulling out his uniform, probably for his shift tomorrow at the pet hospital. Louis hoped he wouldn't wake up to empty spot beside him. Maybe, Liam would cancel his morning jog with Harry before work, it’s selfish he knows, but it’d be wonderful to have his mate close for a little longer.

If they were together, it’d be his reality. But, it wasn’t, and since they’re doing this sleepover thing, he wanted it so bad. So fucking _bad_ because he’s almost afraid he may never have that chance again.

Louis sighed, his eyes back onto the screen of his phone and finally texting Sean back, saying he wasn’t exactly at his best to send a decent photo. Hopeful the man would accept it and move on, he didn’t feel like sending any part of himself to his past boyfriend. They’re supposed to be taking this slow.

But Sean apparently never got the memo and decided to take it upon himself and sent a photo. Louis hated the fact his whole body started to feel tingly at the shirtless photo. God, his ex-boyfriend, was trying to murder him, thinking it was okay to send something like _that_. Gym shorts that hung dangerously low and his muscles on display, and his body glistening. He probably had been working out while they texted and decided to show off. God, Louis didn’t want to admit he found it hot, just pretend it doesn’t affect him at all and go about his day, but no. There’s no denying that the attraction was still there, regardless whether he liked it or not.

It’s not fair; first Harry had come waltzing in with no shirt covering his body and now Sean. It was like someone had it out for Louis and intentionally wanted him to combust.

Louis didn’t know what to even say about that photo, he’d been so caught off guard and just fucking ogled it.

And if his heart couldn’t take anymore stress, he felt weight dip into the mattress beside him and quickly shut off his phone. Heat inching to his cheeks, almost afraid Harry had seen that incriminating evidence and thinking he really is seeing someone discreetly.

“So what do you think?” Harry asked, and Louis wasn't sure if his mate was referring to the picture or not.

Louis swallowed and flicked his gaze towards Harry and stifled back a whimper. Of course, he wasn’t going to spare Louis’ life and cover those heavenly abs of his. Almost as if Harry knew, just fucking _knew_ what he was doing to him.

Fuck his life.

“What do you mean?” Louis asked in a murmur, curling his fingers into the blanket to control his urge to reach over and touch.

Harry cocked his brow, staring at him for a second before saying, “About what you want to do.”

Oh…

“Um, whatever you're up for, as long as I don’t get bored.” Louis teased, feeling his phone buzz in his hand and gave it a passing glance when his screen lighted up. Breath hitching when he sees the text notification from Sean. Which was totally not the right time because his friend could have seen. Louis hastily flopped it down onto his stomach, screen side down because now wasn’t the right time to tell Harry.

Louis hesitantly snapped his eyes back onto Harry, trying to gauge his reaction. Hoping maybe Harry hadn’t got to look at his screen long enough to notice the familiar name or even just the message in general.

But of course, nothing ever goes the way Louis hoped it would…

“Who was that?”

“Just-” Louis was at a loss for words right now and how more obvious could it be that he was talking to someone in secret. He didn’t know if it was his nerves or what, but he couldn’t seem to just come up with a decent lie. Usually, he’d use his sisters as scapegoats, but being caught on the spot with a bit of a dazed mind wasn’t helping his case.

“Was it that guy from uni?” Harry asked, his eyes gazed to the mobile on Louis’ chest for a moment before they were back on his. 

Would it be that bad to lie again? After all, he’d met Sean at uni, so it wasn’t exactly all false.

“Yeah,” Louis murmured, curling his hand around his phone and stuffed it into his pocket, he’d get back to Sean later.

“Do I know him?” Harry proceeded to be a nosy bastard, and Louis just hoped he could pull this off.

“Um… yeah, I mean you both weren’t like best mates or anything, but you knew of him,” Louis hated this. “We used to party with him,” He really _fucking_ hated this. “Well… I did.”

Harry furrowed his brows, looking to be thinking quickly before he said, “Was it, Matty? As I’m pretty sure he had a thing for you.”

Ah, how could he forget about that guy?

One of Sean’s closest friends from uni that tried to take Louis back to his for the night days before the night he’d met Sean. Weirdly enough. He was cute, but a major dickhead that only cared about getting his knob wet. Louis remembered that time the guy had flirted with him even after he’d gotten with Sean, his mate!

But Louis shouldn’t have been surprised… Sean wasn’t any different.

“You honestly think I’d be messaging _him_? He was a total sleazebag, Harold.”

“He was a bit philanderer, wasn’t he?“

Louis snickered, “You had no idea.”

He remembers one night, he had been with Sean for a little over six months, and Matty had approached Sean one day. Asked him if they ever decided to spice up the bedroom, give him a ring because he’d love to join. Louis did not want anything to do with that creep from that day forward because for one he was a virgin then that had limited experience. Secondly, he’d never in a million years would do something like that.

Not even now, he wouldn’t.

More power to all the people that enjoy that _activity_ , but it wasn’t for him. Thank god, Sean never talked him into either because who knows what he would’ve gotten.

“But seriously, can you at least tell me who it is that’s gotten you so captivated with that phone of yours lately?” Harry inquired, rolling onto his side to face Louis. Burying half of his face into the pillow as he picked at the loose threading of his blanket, curious eyes still on him.

“You’re really hung up on this aren’t you?” Louis wondered if he played it coy, Harry would eventually get bored and stop prying. “It’s literally not that serious, he’s just a friend.”

Harry stared at him for a moment and then commented, “But do you like him?”

Louis pulled the blanket even closer. “No, of course not.”

“Then why are you being so secretive about it?” Harry quipped, the corners of his lips sliding upward. “I mean unless you're in denial.”

Louis scoffed, “Me, in denial?” and then he puts on a defensive face. “ Yeah, right.”

“Then you have no problem telling me who he is.” Harry truly wasn’t going to stop, was he?

“If you keep pestering about it, I may never tell you, how about that?” Louis threatened playfully, burying his fingers into the blanket even more. “But anyway, how about we watch a film, yeah?”

Louis just needed to get far away from this topic and fast. Maybe distracting Harry enough with a movie would do just that, he could only hope.

“Well if you ever wanna gush about this _mystery man_ , I’m all ears, hon.” Harry finally gave up, thankfully. “Even though it’s going to drive me mad not knowing who's causing that smile almost every time you stare at that phone, I suppose I can wait.”

Harry then got off the bed and went to mess with his DVD player, and Louis just laid there trying to pick apart his mates words. It was worrying him, he wasn't grinning at every text was he? He doesn’t like Sean in that way, sure maybe some of the things he says are sweet and are worth smiling over, but it doesn’t mean anything, right?

Sean was nothing more than a budding acquaintance, that’s it.

Maybe Harry had only caught Louis on the times he was smiling down at the screen, like it made the most sense to him.

Whatever though, it’s really not that big of a deal.

By the time Harry had decided to do a marathon of the _Back To The Future_ trilogy and crawled back into bed after hitting the lights. It was nice. The films were quite funny, and true classics. He was warm and comfortable. Happy and actually laughing over the dumbest stuff. Even got to steal glances at his friend every now and again without having that worry he'd be caught. So that was definitely a win-win.

But in the midst of all that, Louis wanted to cuddle. He wanted to reach over and pull Harry close. Wrap his arms around him and nestle his face into chest Pressing a soft kiss against his skin. To feel like nothing it the world could harm him and that maybe things won't be so bad. He wanted to feel greedy for affection and attention. But, at some point during the last film, Harry had rolled to the other side and fell asleep. Louis was left with a view of a bare back beside him and the rest of the scenes playing out on the telly screen.

Ending up turning off the movie, the room dark and chilly. He tried to drift off, but he couldn’t. Wide awake and too much on his mind, Louis ended up messing with his phone and finally responding back to those messages he’d received earlier.

That text he’d received from Sean after the picture indent was just him asking to send a photo once again, nearly begging. Louis didn’t understand why his ex-boyfriend needed to see his face so badly, all he had to do was go Instagram and scroll until he finds a pretty picture. And no, Louis most certainly did _not_ stare at that shirtless photo again and look at every detail. He ended up typing out to Sean that he doesn't look his best and preferred not to scare him. Not even giving a single compliment on the photo because he can’t let his ex-boyfriend know anything about his thoughts on that.

Louis didn’t think he’d get a response hours later when it was practically midnight, as he was sure any right minded person would be conked out if they didn’t work. But to his surprise, his response was immediate.

Almost as if he’d been waiting around for Louis to message him back.

‘ _**Sean:** Nonsense, you’re handsome to me. I want to see you._ ’

And there he goes tossing the compliments around once again.

Louis was in the middle of typing out that he’d send one tomorrow, but then Sean proceeded to send a second text.

‘ _ **Sean:** Maybe you won't have to send anything if I can convince you to come with me for a walk? I can’t sleep._ ‘

Uh, what?

It’s the middle of the night and probably freezing. Sean apparently is up for a late night stroll around the city and who knows what else.

Like, it’s tempting, Louis wasn’t going to lie about that. He couldn’t fall into slumber either, and maybe a walk would be good to clear his head. On the other hand, he didn’t want to leave his spot, didn’t want to be far away from the one man he loved the most. He was conflicted and left Sean on read for a bit, pinching his bottom lip.

And then Sean sends another text.

‘ _**Sean:** I promise I won’t keep you out all night, just for a little while._ ’

Louis sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. Would it be so bad to go for one walk with his ex? Sean did say he only wanted his company for a while and that meant he’d stop asking for pictures. Not only that but Harry would be here when he got back, so in the end, he decided to finally give in and told Sean he’d meet him outside the Liverpool Parish Church.

Until then, Louis laid in bed just a little longer before he carefully crawled out, not wanting to wake Harry. Closed the bedroom door behind him and went to put on his shoes. Locking the door on his way out and went down the corridor to the lift. Hoping this wasn’t a poor decision he was making.

Ten minutes later, Louis was stood under a street lamp by the substantial stone wall, hands shoved into the pocket of his hoodie. Sean wasn’t here yet, and Louis just stood there and watched the street light frantically turn red. The vehicles that had come to a slow stop and the white cloud of exhaust that plumed from them. Trying to ignore the cool mist blowing against his skin.

Then suddenly he felt something on the small of his back and nearly jumped out of freight. Glancing over his shoulder and there was Sean beside him. Looking warm in his peacoat and his hair well-coiffed into a contemporary comb over. Louis wondered if Sean had gotten all gussied up to see him.

“Didn’t mean to frighten you, babe.” Sean laughed, his hand fallen off Louis’ body.

Louis crossed his arms and smiled at the ground. “Fuck off, it’s not funny.” but there were feet in front of him and fingers touching his chin. Making him glance up into those hazel eyes that had a flicker of warmth in them.

“But it was, probably thought I was going to rob you or something.” Sean teased, and heat colored Louis’ cheeks. “But I’m just happy you decided to come out and do this with me.”

“You’re welcome.” Louis said, his arms fallen slack at his sides and the fingers on his chin are no longer on his face.

And then Sean’s nodding for him to follow, and Louis did, falling into step with him as they strolled down the vacant pavement. Enjoying the massive lit up buildings and the star-speckled sky.

It was surprisingly quiet between them, and Louis had wondered if Sean was only in need of company. After all, he was just as social if not more than Louis. Or maybe he needed to destress since he’s such a serious barrister and all.

Whatever the case, this was nice.

Louis' fingers were starting to feel cold the longer they moved, and the wind brushed against him. But it wasn’t bad, he could deal with it. Much better than those dreary winter nights.

“By the way, you look cute,” Sean broke the silence between them, and Louis could feel his eyes on him. “Like I’ve told you hundreds of times, you’ve always been gorgeous to me.”

Louis swallowed as he glanced at Sean for a moment, “Thanks.” It came out in more a whisper because this whole ex-boyfriend complimenting thing was starting to get out of hand. However, Louis had yet to tell Sean to cut it out, and maybe that’s because a small part of kind of him loved it.

“You know,” Sean started to say, and Louis nearly had a heart attack when he felt something grab his wrist gently. Not expecting the sudden contact and being slowed to a stop right under another street light. “We may not be as close anymore, but I know you well enough to know that when your quiet, something's not right.”

Well, Sean wasn’t wrong about that.

“Everything okay?” Sean asked, now in front of Louis, hand still on his wrist.

Louis rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and decided he could at least tell Sean one minor inconvenience of his life. Maybe then Sean would leave the subject alone and finish up the rest of their walk around the city.

“Well, mum’s birthday’s coming up, and I have to take a chunk out of my rent money to get her something decent.” Louis really didn’t want to ask his mum for money, he’d always felt so guilty for not being responsible enough to budget. “It’s been wearing on my mind all day since the girls texted me this morning.”

Sean frowned, “How much are you lacking?

“A lot.” He kept it as vague as possible because it was kind of embarrassing.

Then Sean had finally let go of his wrist and shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out his wallet, and easily handing Louis a generous amount of money. Like it wasn’t a big fucking deal.

“Sean…” Louis started to say, handing it back to him, but his ex-boyfriend shook his head and pocketed his wallet.

“Keep it, I rather you not be homeless or your mates angry with you because you wanted to get something nice for Jay.” Sean insisted for Louis to keep his hard earned money, like who even does that? Now Louis was definitely feeling guilty. “Consider it a gift.”

“I can’t accept this, it's my fault I didn’t keep track of my finances.” Louis hoped Sean would just take his damn money back. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay you back.”

Sean sighed. “Lou, don’t worry about it, I have more than enough money with no one to spend it on, so I don’t mind. Really.” Ugh, this was terrible, Louis just didn’t like this _at all_. “Besides, if it makes you feel to guilt ridden, you can always make it up to me by coming over for dinner one of these days.”

Louis pushed the money into the pocket of his hoodie knowing it was a lost cause to keep begging for Sean to take the cash. On the brightside, he would have enough to cover his portion of the rent and save the rest for later. Yet, he knew this will haunt him for a long time.

“Okay, “ Louis murmured when Sean stepped a little closer. His fingers touching Louis’ fringe and pushing it off his face. Fingers splayed against his cheeks, and a tender kiss pressed to his forehead.

Louis’s heart was in his throat because he didn’t want to feel like this, he wanted to hate every second of this. Sean’s touch and his affection. Louis wanted to push him away and tell him to stop it, but he couldn't seem to force himself to do it. It tugged at his heart’s strings and yet, made him feel warm at the same time.

It was one of the bittersweet moments of theirs.

Then Sean pulled away and stuffed his hands into his peacoat, giving Louis a small smile. “No more worrying, everything will be fine.”

Louis had hoped Sean was right.

After that, they continued on with their walk, no longer silent between them as Sean did most of the talking. Telling Louis all about his plans in December to go on a month long holiday to travel to the states. Mentioning he’d been saving for a while and thinks this is the year and winter would be perfect. Louis thought he was fucking out of his head, a month long vacation? How could he even do that? Would Sean have to quit his job?

But apparently, it was not a problem since Sean seemed too excited about it, mentioning how he’ll be doing all these things like going to Grand Canyon, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas. It all made Louis feel so envious in a way because who wouldn’t?

In a sense, Louis knew if they had stayed together all this time, he’d get to enjoy stuff like that. Going on adventures and not having to worry about being broke for the next year.

Yet, things happened for a reason and they just didn’t seem to work.

Eventually, the conversation shifted onto Louis, Sean had asked him about how’re things with his mates and family. Louis told him things were fine, the girls and Jay were good. Then telling him that his friends were having great lives, that Zayn and Liam were going to Greece in the summer, Harry (who he did not say anything about his feelings for) and him were still close as ever, and then going into the whole Niall and Donovan thing.

Louis explained everything and Sean just chuckled and shook his head. Saying he hoped Niall would end up with this guy, after all, that trouble he was going through, and Louis did too.

Then Sean decided to change the subject onto something else. “And how’re you? Things going okay?” Sean asked, as they walked along the faded zebra crossing. “Other than your financial mishap.”

Louis gnawed on his lip as they stepped onto the pavement and meandered down the desolate sidewalk.

“Just living life to the fullest, you know, working myself to the bone.” Louis deadpanned, giving Sean a passing glance.

Then Sean stared at Louis and frowned. “I meant other than work, darling.”

Well then… His ex-boyfriend was going to be gravely disappointed if he was expecting exciting things.

Louis flicked his gaze back up to Sean for a brief second as they passed under the puddle of soft yellow light. Thinking for a moment before he said: “Well, I guess just been spending most of my time with my mates when they’re not busy, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“My life isn’t exactly adventurous as I think you were hoping it’d be.” And that was the cold hard truth. If Louis had a decent pay, of course, he’d do all the things he wished he could. It’s just the sadness of his reality. “I don’t exactly have the funds to go out and about five nights a week.”

Sean sighed. Louis didn’t understand why he cared anyway, not like he was the one who’d been working at the same job since Uni. Louis wasn’t a lawyer who had a decent living that could afford expensive things. He couldn’t travel the world and take a month or two long holiday because he wanted to, just isn't realistic.

“If I’m lucky, maybe one of these days I’ll get to change that,” Sean said easily, as if he’d been waiting for the right moment to say it. “You deserve a nice trip.”

Didn’t we all?

“Maybe.” Louis murmured, unsure how to feel about any of that. Going on a trip with an ex-boyfriend wasn’t something that came across as platonic.

Especially if _something_ happened whilst on the trip…

But Louis was certain he wouldn’t have to ever worry about that.

When they wandered back to Louis’ building, he was pulled into a hug. Louis was a little hesitant at first, but wrapped his arms around him. Being squeezed for a moment before Sean had pulled away and licked his lips.

“Well, I had a nice time, and I’m glad you decided to come.” Sean said lightly, hands hidden in his coat pockets.

“Yeah, it was nice… Thank you.” Louis hoped that Gemma and Harry were still out cold and hadn’t seen him with Sean out the window. “And I’ll try to repay you, promise.”

“Stop stressing over it, Lou.” Sean advised, his cheeks red from the coolness in the air. “But please, don’t ever feel reluctant if you need extra cash, I’ll help you out.”

And that was not something Louis was sure he could ever do. This was a one time thing.

“Why?”

“Because, I want to. Think of me as a sugar daddy, if it makes you feel better.”

Oh god… Sean didn’t think that it was what was going on, did he?

“But in all seriousness, I suppose I should let you head in and actually get some rest. I’ve kept you out for a while.”

Yeah, Louis definitely needed to get his arse back to bed to sleep off this night, because things were getting kind of strange now.

“Sleep well, love.” Sean told him, and Louis said his goodnight as well before he parted ways and headed inside.

When Louis had quietly made back into his flat and padded towards Harry’s bedroom, he carefully opened the door. Hoping he wouldn’t wake his friend for being too damn loud. Yet, when he crawled into bed and nuzzled into the warm plushness of the duvet, he felt movement beside him.

And Harry muttered out, “Where did you go?”

Of fucking course he was awake, damn it. It was half past one, and Harry should have been asleep because he needed to be awake in a few hours. Louis cursed at himself for even going out because all it did was make his life even more complicated.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk. ” Louis wasn’t exactly lying, he just didn’t tell him who with though. Not that Harry needed to know that. “Sorry if I woke you.”

Harry yawned, and Louis could hear him scratching at something before he said tiredly, “I’ve been up for a bit, actually. Niall had called me in a drunken stupor, and that’s what had woken me up. He’s staying at Zayn and Liam’s for the night because they were going back for drinks at their place. Then I noticed you were gone, but I couldn’t fall back asleep.”

Okay, that made Louis feel so much better. At least he wasn't the cause of Harry’s sleepless night.

They fell into a silence and Louis laid there staring at his friend in the darkness. He couldn’t see him, but he knew he was there.

And Louis wanted to tell Harry he wanted to be held. But that never left his mouth as he slid his hand across the bed. Feeling warm skin and resting his hand on Harry's stomach. Nudging a little closer because for once he wanted to initiate a cuddle. Because ever since they stopped hooking up and Harry had been in a relationship it was usually not often. Normally Harry would pull him close to warm him up out of friendliness of his heart.

But now that Harry was single, Louis wondered if this would be fine. Just laying in his arms because he wanted to.

Yet, Harry hadn’t pushed him away or told him to stop it.

“You’re cold.” Harry cooed, and Louis’ heart swelled in his chest when he felt a hand on his.

So maybe this was okay.

Maybe it was alright when he pressed his forehead against Harry’s shoulder. Hoping tomorrow, he’d wake up with his favorite person next to him. Blinking the sleep from their eyes and laying together for a while in that sweet, vulnerable moment. Putting his heart on the line because he couldn’t get enough of him.

And Louis hoped one day that’d he would have stolen Harry’s heart too.


	8. VII

If Louis wasn’t such a decent friend, he’d be lounging in bed, and wasting away his night on Tumblr.

Yet here Louis was sat at the pub, alcohol on his breath, and Niall coming over every so often asking him how his hair looked. Apparently, Donovan was due to show up anytime and come have a few drinks. Apparently, that’s what Niall had texted Louis while he on break from his shift at the coffee shop. Begging Louis to please come because everyone else had plans and he needed a wingman.

 _Wingman_ , it made Louis internally cringe on the inside.

But it was what he got for being best mates with the one person who's gotten a massive crush on a colleague.

Louis sighed, he honestly felt a bit bored with nothing other than his drink to keep him entertained, especially since Niall was far too busy serving drinks. He sort of wished Harry was right next to him, but he had a staff dinner tonight with Liam. Shit, even Zayn’s company would’ve been nice, but he’s off doing whatever with his mate from work.

But who knew, maybe once Donovan showed up, he’ll give Louis a reason not to leave. He could do Niall a favour and hook them up.

Niall would so kill him for meddling, but damn it’d be worth it to see his best friend finally get the guy.

“Lou, mate, make sure no one takes that spot next to you,” Niall said frantically when he came back over for a split second, his eyes darting around the crowded pub. “He's supposed to be here soon.”

“Define soon.” Louis wondered if Niall would even have time to flirt with the man, after all, it’s busy Friday night at the pub. Louis just hoped his mate's plans wouldn’t get foiled. “And why do you think he’d want to sit with me? I barely know the guy.”

It was true, Louis only had maybe a handful of conversation with Donovan, he wasn’t exactly in their social circle. He mostly came around to parties and gatherings because of Niall, don’t get Louis wrong he’s a nice guy. But he’d yet to sit down and befriend him, but maybe tonight could go differently.

But who was to say that’ll happen anyway, more chances than not Niall would be too busy trying to impress the lad with his spiffy flip to pour bottle trick.

Niall huffed, his hand on his hips, and it reminded him of his mother getting ready to scold him when he was younger. Oh boy, here we go… “ Louis I’ve told you many times, you can reel em’ in. You’ve got the charms so keep him interested enough.” 

“The charms,” Louis deadpanned, shaking his head as he took another sip of his drink. “And here I thought you wanted him for yourself, didn’t know I was the one being set up on a date.”

“You know what I meant.” Niall retorted, his eyes surveying the area once again before they landed back on Louis. “And he should be here any minute now.”

Then like that, Niall was gone, tending to an intoxicated customer demanding another pint.

Louis took one last sip when he glanced over his shoulder, scouting the area to see where Niall’s prince charming was. Which wasn’t exactly easy, the fucking pub was almost at its capacity, and everyone just blended together. Maybe it was the little buzz he kept chasing with his drink that made it feel like the room was gradually starting to spin. Louis needed to cut himself off, three drinks were his limit tonight.

And he was already on his third.

After a failed attempt of his search, Louis went back to his drink that was in front of him, swallowing down more when he felt his phone buzz against his thigh. He was quick to pull his mobile from his pocket, hoping someone was as bored as he was and wanted to pester him for attention.

Louis shouldn’t have smiled down at the screen when he seen who it was, he could’ve been found out.

‘ _ **Harry:** So tell me how Liam can juggle two jobs and brag about possibly getting another without wanting to scream his head off?’_ ‘

Funny thing was, Louis was unsurprised that Liam had been thinking of getting another job on the side. That man was a go-getter and for as long as Louis’ had known him, Liam’s very work oriented. Like he needed to be productive to get on with his day, he just can’t understand where all that time and energy comes from, on top of that having a doting boyfriend of many years to spend time with. It’s was a bit batty in Louis’ opinion; he’d turn into a dick.

However, props to Liam, though.

“ _ **Louis:** How am I not shocked about that? Let me guess… he’s going to take up exotic dancing for the night?_.’

Louis chuckled, that was brilliant, right? He could just see Harry giggling, and it made his heart palpitate. Louis wished he could see his face and be there next to him sharing mischievous glances and smiles. Texting their entire conversation they wanted to have because it was only for them.

Maybe later on if Harry wasn’t asleep by the time he got back, they could hang out.

Not even a minute later he’d gotten a reply and Louis was trying to bite back the grin wanting to spread across his face.

‘ _ **Harry:** You know, I’m supposed to be all formal and serious right now with my superiors, but you’re making it impossible_.’

Louis licked his lips, already typing out his reply, but then another text comes immediately.

‘ _ **Harry:** By the way, I may be a bit jealous Niall stole you for the night, as I kind of wish you were here beside me._ ’

And Louis wanted that too, but he knew his best mate had meant that in an entirely different way. But damn, was it hard for Louis to suppress the heat inching to his cheeks. Harry needed to not say things like that, it was messing with his head.

He couldn’t think of what to say back without it becoming too flirty, and he didn’t want to get into that. As that would lead to no good whatsoever. Louis just stared at the screen, and he knows Harry could see that he read the text, he hated iMessage.

Then hands slammed against the bartop making Louis jump in his seat and his heart racing.

“Louis! Pay attention, lad.” Niall stressed as Louis was shutting off his phone (he’d deal with that _text_ later) and let out an impatient huff.

“Fucking hell, Niall. Quit being so worried about this, alright?” Louis didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but seriously. His friend needed to step back and maybe have a shot of tequila himself. “All I did was check my phone, you need to relax.”

Niall lets out a breath, his hanging for a moment before he looked back up at Louis. Probably feeling remorseful for being a prick towards his friend that _always_ seemed to be the one to support him. And he should.

“I just want him to want me, Lou.” Niall said dejectedly, there's a hint of frown at the corners of his lips. It broke off a piece of Louis’ heart to see his mate sound so sad over someone he’s longed for. He could relate, but Niall wouldn’t know that.

Louis wished he could pull Niall into his lap, stroke his hair, and tell him everything would be alright. That Donovan would be a complete moron to never give him a chance because Niall was a wonderful person with a heart of gold.

Then before Louis can even solace his friend, Niall had pushed himself away from the bartop and tended to another customer.

Louis took a sip of his beer and knew the moment Donovan showed up, he’d have to do everything in his power to get him to stay.

Because it’d be worth it to see Niall happy.

Until then, Louis polished off his beer and traded it in for sparkling water with lime, scrolling through Tumblr as he idly listened to the background music that filled the pub. He liked Creed, Puddle of Mudd, and mostly any post-grunge band that was on the night’s playlist. Thinking of Harry, wondering if he’s already back at the flat and enjoying the silence. Unwinding before he passed out for the night.

Louis wished he could be there with him.

Somebody slides into the seat beside him, and Louis flicked his gaze, feeling relief when he sees the musclebound heartthrob next to him. Layered in a hooded leather jacket and white henley that clung to him like glue. Niall was going to have a fucking heart attack.

But, there's a bit of a problem, Donovan wasn’t alone.

And this was bad, so damn _terrible_ because now Niall was going to be even more sulkier.

Donovan had his arm around the shoulders of the man beside him, laughing over whatever shenanigans were going on.

He looks happy and a little too affectionate for Louis liking. Niall was going to be so sad to find out his dream man seemed to no longer be on the market.

It sucked, it really fucking did.

When he slowly drags his eyes towards his mate whose busy serving a drink, Louis wanted to hop over the bar and pull him away before he notices. He’d probably get banned from the pub, but if it’s worth not see his mate get his heartbroken, then he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Yet, that thought doesn’t get another second of encouragement, because Niall finally turned around. Louis could see the falter in his smile and that he’s dying inside. It broke his heart.

“Niall!” Donovan shouted over the loudness of all the background noises that had seemingly blended together. Louis could see out the corner of his eye, that the lad was waving him over.

Oh no… Louis wasn’t sure if he could do this.

It was one thing when he had to deal with Harry dating Ellie. But Niall didn’t deserve it, the excruciating pain to see that person happy with someone else. That you know, there's nothing you can do to make it better.

Louis wanted to have a boys night tomorrow, maybe surrounding Niall around his closest friends would perk his mood up. He makes a mental note in his mind to send out a group text later.

Niall had a weak smile on his face when he slowly makes his way over. Louis sighed when he watched the scene unfold beside him, his eyes flicking between the two men. Donovan’s arm no longer around the bloke beside him, and he’s beaming up at Niall.

“Niall, this is Sam,” Donovan gestured to fit guy beside him; hopefully, it wasn't his boyfriend. Louis had his fingers crossed. “He’s come here for a few days to see me, thought I’d bring him to the best pub with the _best_ barman in the city.”

Niall had to be swooning at the compliment, but he could imagine that the little excitement he had was just a flicker of light in his heart.

“Oh.. hey,” Niall said glumly, giving Sam a small wave. “You boys wants some beers?”

Louis watched the way Donovan’s eyebrows squished together for a moment at the way Niall dodged the compliment. Running his fingers through his brunet hair, pushing it back, before he opened his mouth.

“Yeah, just put it on my tab.”

“You know, Donny’s told me you’ve actually been a good mentor to him.” Sam finally piped up, leaning against the bartop with his elbows. “Makes me happy he’s been playing nice all these years since he’s left Southwold.”

Niall didn’t say a word as he served them both pints as Donovan told Sam to shut it and playfully slugged him in the arm. Both laughing and taking sips of their drinks before Niall went to serve a customer a drink. Leaving Louis alone with the two knuckleheads causing his best friends night to be awful.

Louis could see the dullness in Niall’s eyes whenever he’d glance over, and Sam would have his hand on Donovan’s shoulder or push him teasingly whenever they’d banter.

And Louis knew he needed to do something, he was Niall’s _wingman_ after all, and he’s doing a terrible job of it.

So, without another thought after taking a drink of his sparkling water, he leaned a little closer to Donovan and hoped for the best.  
He can do this, Louis was great at making conversation. Everyone loved him; well for the most part.

“Hey, Don,” Louis asked, and at first he wasn’t sure if the man heard him since it was quite loud in the pub. But he was thankful when Donovan turned toward him, looking at him over the rim of his glass when he swallows down some of the alcohol. Waiting for Louis to get on with it, more than likely.

Well… here goes nothing.

“So I’ve been thinking, I mean I’ve still gotten a like five months left, but I was hoping I could have your help with it,” Hopefully, Donovan would agree to this, Niall would be over the moon. “You know Niall’s birthday is in September and he’s turning twenty five.”

Donovan nodded, seemingly interested which was good. Louis could see Sam was staring at him too, eavesdropping not that Louis surprised.

“And I want to throw something massive for him, I’m not sure what yet, but all I know is I want the most _important_ people in his life there.” Louis was kicking himself, he never planned to throw Niall a surprise party. So he had no flipping clue where he was going with this. “And I just think since you’re a _really_ good mate of his, you could help me out.”

It wasn’t exactly the most brilliant idea to distract Donovan from Sam, but so far it seemed to work. His attention was on Louis and no longer joshing around with the flirty lad beside him.

“Sure, I’d love to help out.” Donovan’s eyes shined and the corners of his lips curved upward. “Just tell me when you need me, and I’ll be there to help.”

This was going way better than Louis had expected, thank fuck.

He’d just have to talk to Harry, Zayn, and Liam about the party sooner rather than later because he was sure as hell wasn't going to do this alone. He’s only ever planned like three parties in his life, and if he wants this to be a big deal, then it needs to be in the hands of Zayn and Liam. The original party kings.

After they’d exchanged numbers to keep in touch, Louis had watched the way Sam patted Donovan on the shoulder and told him he’d be back. Which now that he was alone with the pretty boy, since Niall was far too busy serving drinks still, this gave Louis a perfect opportunity to get to know the lad better.

“But other than the party that's ages away, do you miss Southwold at all?”

And from there on out, Donovan went on to tell Louis about how life’s been going for him since he’s moved away. How he missed his old friends and was happy that they always seemed to make trips to come out and see him for a few days. Mentioning that Niall was the first person to actually befriend him and thought he the funniest person he’d ever met. Saying he’d taught him a lot on the job and felt kind of bad for chopping up his name for so long. But was happy Niall didn’t seem to mind though. Then Donovan carried on to tell Louis how he missed his family and visiting them everyday like he used to do, but he needed a change from a small town. He felt stuck there, and jobs were hard to come by unless you traveled out of your way.

So he packed up and moved to Liverpool a few years later.

It was interesting making this small talk with Donovan, because in a way he could relate. Moving away from your family was tough, especially to a city where you next to no one. Well, Louis knew Harry and Niall, but that’s it. He couldn’t imagine moving to another city all alone, hours away from the comforts of what he used to know. He’s just happy Donovan made some friends and hadn’t decided to throw in the towel and move back to his old life.

Eventually, Niall had gotten a little break from the pub rush and decided to put on a brave face and joined in on the conversation while serving Donovan another beer. Mostly mentioning that ever since he moved from Ireland because of his dad’s job when he was seven, he was happy when he’d met Louis and Harry at school. They’d become friends fast and given at such a young age it’d be easy, but as time goes on friends come and go. But for them, they stayed close.

It’s always been the three of them since, and he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Louis' heart warmed at Niall’s sentimental words, because it brought back some pleasant memories. When they’d get into mischief together like when they toilet papered Carl’s house because he taunted Louis for a few years until he moved away. Needless to say, it was a sweet victory for him. Or the time when Niall and Louis skipped class and hung out under the pitch’s bleachers taking hits off a joint. Successfully never had gotten caught and Harry scolded them over the years of how much trouble the could get into.

It was all good times that Louis wished he could go back to.

At some point, Louis ended up excusing himself and made a quick trip to the loo; hopefully it’d get Niall back into a happier mood. You know where he gets to talk to Don alone while he still could.

After Louis exited the bathroom, he made his way back toward the bar, only coming to a slow stop when he sees Niall laughing and smiling at whatever Donovan had told him. It was still the two of them and Louis happy about that. What made him even more grateful was when he noticed of Sam at the end of the bar with some girl with long cherry colored hair and his hand pushing the hair off her shoulder and whispering something in her ear. Then she’s smiling at him when his hand lower to the small of her back. He’s licking his lips, and she’s staring at them.

It’s pretty damn obvious what was happening, and he figured it wouldn’t be long until they’re leaving together.

Sam and Donovan were definitely not dating.

It made Louis feel one hundred percent better now and so with that, he was going to leave Niall to flirt his bum off. He’ll get back to him later and spill the news that the world could start spinning again. Donovan was a single man.

Maybe now he could head home since it's almost midnight.

His buzz had long worn off, and he was eager to escape the busy pub and have a nice quiet walk back to their block of flats. At least it’s not raining so no worries about getting drenched head to toe, but it’s still a bit chilly. However, he’d deal with it for a little while.

But right as he slips his way through the crowd, pushing his way toward the exit, he had run into something hard and mumbled out an apology. Heat coloring his cheeks, feeling slightly embarrassed for not paying attention. When Louis finally looks up, he knew his escape was inevitable. He bumped into the one person he’d hoped to have never seen again; Travis.

Louis breath hitches when he felt a hand on his waist and Travis crowding his space, his warm breath fanning against his ear. “Why are you all alone, baby?”

Travis really needed to stop calling him baby, they weren’t a fucking thing. They’ll never be a _thing_ . Didn’t he make it clear when he stopped responding to his texts weeks ago? Or like ever?

They cuddle in bed _once_ , that’s it. Louis’ pretty sure that doesn’t count for anything, especially when they didn’t _fucking_ do anything. 

“I was actually leaving,” Louis replied, because that was the truth. “Sorry for slamming into you.”

Travis tittered in his ear, making him shiver when the fingers tighten against his hoodie. “Maybe we could go somewhere then? I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Uh, how about no.

“Travis, I-” Louis was trying to end whatever thought was going off in Ellie’s step-brother's mind. But Travis was already speaking over him and leaning back just far enough to stare down at him. Standing awfully close under the dim lights and center of the crowd. His hand still possessively on Louis’ waist.

“Give me a chance babe, please… I need to tell you something, it’s important.”

His eyes were on Louis’ lips, and he had a feeling this _conversation_ Travis wanted to have was nothing more than a ploy to take him back home for the night. Not happening.

“And why can’t you tell me here?”

“Because I rather tell you in private, not in a seedy pub of all places.”

Louis sighed. What so damn important that was so confidential that they needed to talk about this in private?

Was it an excuse to attempt to kiss him? Try to get into his pants? Or what?

It was almost kind of irritating because all he wanted to do was be on his way back to his flat, crawl into bed, and relax. But apparently, Travis had other plans in mind.

“Give me five minutes,” Travis begged, his hand tightening against Louis’ waist ever so slightly. “Please.”

If Louis were smart, he’d pat Travis on the shoulder, tell him to have a nice night, and be on his way. Yet, maybe once Travis gets out what he needed to say he may leave Louis alone for good. It’s wishful thinking, but what else does he have for an option?

So why the hell not.

“Fine.” Louis just hoped the place Travis wanted to talk with isn’t very far, because he doesn’t want to have a farther walk back. Nor did he want this man to drive him home, he just can’t deal with any of that tonight, it’s bad enough he even agreed to this stupid talk in the first place.

The corners of Travis’s lips slid upward, his hand fallen off Louis’ waist to his hand, grabbing it, and leading Louis out the warm pub into the cool night air.

Apparently, a more secluded spot than the pub was next to Travis’s car in the dimly lit car park.

“So tell me why we needed to come out here to tell me what's so important?” Louis asked, arms cross, and staring at Travis who leaned against his car with a slight smirk dancing on lips.

“Bossy tonight, I see.” Travis licked his lips, his eyes slowly trailing all over Louis’ body. “So sexy.”

Louis rolled his eyes. Hopefully, this wasn’t some ploy to lure him into that vehicle of his and take him back to his for the night. It wasn’t happening, no matter what sweet words he used.

“In all seriousness, I’ve gotten a new job in London, and this may be last time I ever see you, baby,” Travis explained, his eyes softening. Louis never thought he’d ever hear _that_ leave his mouth. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, but you’ve been ignoring me.”

Maybe it’s because Louis wasn’t interested…

“But you know I’m glad I ran into your pretty bum tonight,” Then the next thing Louis knows Travis pushed himself off the car and stepping awfully close to him. His hands sliding onto his hips. His eyes darting between Louis’ lips and his eyes. “Wanted to give you one more chance to let me have you.”

Louis swallowed, trying to come up with something to say because normally he’d have an incredible comeback to dodge whatever Travis was trying to fool him into doing. Because let’s be honest, Travis never wanted anything more than a quick fuck from him.

But the way those strong hands are right there on his bod, in a way it made him miss someone holding him like this. Not that he wanted that man to be Travis, but it was a nice feeling to feel wanted. It’s just not worth getting into that mess.

“I don’t like you in that way, Travis,” Louis admitted, hopeful that get his point across to the needy man. “You’re very good looking and all, but I can’t let myself be with you.”

Travis’s lips twitched downward for a moment, and Louis thought maybe he would have let go and went along with it. But of course, he’s persistent. Why does he even fucking try?

“I’d be so good to you,” Louis knew that was bald face lie. “I’m a very generous lover.”

Louis nearly fucking cringed at that cheesy line. He was definitely not impressed nor more inclined to let Travis fuck with him. It was just gross.

“Listen, you can be a nice guy, and I’m sure you’re wonderful in bed, but I don’t want to be another one night stand. I don’t even want to sleep with anyone for the matter.” Louis just wanted Travis to understand that this wasn’t going anywhere. “So, I’m sorry if you're disappointed that I won’t go home with you, but there are so many other guys out there that would die to be with you.”

“But I don’t want them, I want you.”

“Why?”

Travis slid his tongue across his bottom lip as he stared down at him under the dim yellow light from the lamppost, his hands clenching against him for a moment before they fell off Louis’ body.

“Because you play hard to get and it drives me so fucking mad, makes me want you even more.” Travis proclaimed, sounding like he was almost addicted to the way Louis would blow him off. “I’ve wanted to taste you for so long. To fuck you and ruin you in the best way. Have you coming back for more, because you’re so sinfully beautiful to me.”

Louis swallowed, this was… a lot. He’d always knew Travis’ intentions from day one, but damn. It made his heart stop for a second, no matter how much he didn’t want it too. It’s been a long time since he’d been tantalized like that and told how much he was wanted so intimately. It was messing with Louis’ head, and he needed to leave. To get far, far away from this horny man before he made a bad decision.

“Travis... I’m sorry.” It was all Louis could say as he shook his head, turned on his heels, and quickly walked away.

The walk back to his flat was a quiet one, and he was eager to just go home to forget the whole thing back at the pub. It was bad enough he had to deal with both Sean and Harry in his life, but now Travis. Fucking hell, he needed to sleep this off.

When he’d finally reached his building and went inside, he had hoped Harry was long passed out because after that encounter he just had, he just needed to be alone right now.

It was a sigh of relief when he opened the door to a dark flat, well other than the sliver of soft light from Harry's door that was cracked a little. No sounds were made other than him ever so gently toeing off his shoes and carefully padding towards his room. Anxious to crawl into bed and just sleep everything Travis told him off.

But Louis didn’t get far, because at first, he thought something was wrong, he heard a groan.

And naturally, Louis wanted to go check on his mate to make sure he was okay, to know if he needed anything. Sometimes Harry’s muscles would be sore if he did too strenuous of a workout and who knows, maybe he went for a late night job around the city. His calves were probably sore and tight.

That’s what he deserves though, going to the gym and jogging five days a week. Louis would never.

Yet, when Louis stood outside Harry’s door and was about to reach for the handle, until he quickly understood this had _nothing_ to do with sore muscles.

Louis shouldn’t stand here and gawk like a creeper, feeling breathless at the sight.

He should go to damn bed, but he can’t make himself look away.

Harry’s touching himself.

Right there, _right there_ on his damn bed, sprawled out and everything exposed. His eyes fluttered closed, and head tilted back against the plushness of his pillow. Letting out sweet, velvety moans that graced Louis’ ears. Making all the blood in him buzz. Loving the way Harry looked on the edge. Feeling a little more dazed at the way Harry’s sliding his hand down his slick cock.

Louis stifled a whimpered when his eyes went lower, his ears roaring at the way his balls would jounce every movement his mate made. It was making Louis’ skin prickle and his dick tingle, he wanted to go in there and help. Louis needed to feel him, to have Harry on him, kissing him, and inside of him. God, Louis wanted him so fucking bad.

It’s been two years since he’d gotten the pleasure to have Harry. Two _long_ years of not being touched in a way he liked. Of harry not painting his collarbones with dark purple marks and leaving scratch marks on his hips.

Louis’s cock was already hard, painfully so. Pressing up against his pants and trousers, leaking, and twitching. He was thankful that Niall had not come home and no one else lived with them. 

It’d be a very awkward situation if so…

Louis chomped down on his lip, suppressing any sort of breathy noise wanting to escape just by looking at his best friend. He wanted to shove his hands into his pants and touch, but shivers ran all along his body when Harry had bent his legs enough to start snapping his hips fervently against his fist.

And Louis can’t help it, he felt so firey and overwhelmed. It had him pulling up the memory of that time when they’d been months into their special relationship, and Harry had him a spine-tingling, quivering mess.

It was the first time Louis experienced such a powerful orgasm. He had fingertip bruises on his hips from the way Harry had slammed against his bum. His own fingers digging into the sheets and the knocking of his wire headboard against the wall sounded animalistic. They were dripping in sweat and pleasure. Louis loved the way Harry’s throaty moans sounded and the dirty words he spoke. It was like he knew what to do to stir Louis mad and nearly collapsing from his arms growing weaker. His fringe stuck against his forehead and moaning his mate's name.

Louis had come untouched for the first time in his life on that hot mid-August night. They hadn’t used a condom, and he remembered when Harry came in him, going taut against him, and his nails nearly piercing through his skin. Louis felt him pulsing, and it had himself writhing in pleasure. He recollects that it was also the first time they’d ever slept in the same bed together.

Louis really wished he could have that experience again, to feel Harry’s fingers touching him in places that haven't been felt by anyone else since. To sink back against his thick cock and just have him go a mess.

Fuck…. Louis _needed_ him.

Louis’ hand slid down the fabric of his trousers, nearly whimpering when he slides his hand over his hard bulge. Slowly rubbing his palm against it to ease the pain, his knees nearly buckling at the sensation when he watched the way Harry fucked up into his hand.

A breathy noise fell from his lips when he cupped himself harder, almost afraid he’d be caught, pressing his mouth against his lips. Trying to muffle any sounds he would have made. Pulling his hand away from his groin and grasping onto his jacket instead. He can’t keep touching himself, he’ll end up making a mess in his pants.

“Baby,” Harry moaned out silkily, or what that's what it sounded like to Louis and his thrusts came to slow stop. Louis quietly mewled into his hand when he watched Harry come. Shooting streaks of white all over his stomach and chest, laboured breaths, dropping his flushed cock against his belly. Twitching and probably begging to be touched again.

Louis squeezed his jacket closer as he throbbed against his boxers, nearly bursting when he watches Harry sit up seconds later, wiping the sweat from his forehead, and his dick still standing to attention against his stomach.

And Louis couldn’t do this, his whole body was on _fucking_ fire.

He ripped himself away and staggered into his room, locking the door behind him. Breathing hard with his back pressed against it. Slowly sliding down to his bum and pushing open his jacket and rucking up his shirt to his armpits.

Feeling intoxicated and dizzy when he pushes his hand into his pants and pulls himself out. Thinking of Harry in the most carnal way.

*********

“So… I’ve got a proposition for, ya.” Louis brought up, pushing the fringe from his eyes.

Zayn curiously looked at him, leaning back against the chair. He was over visiting while Harry and Liam had gone to the gym for a late night training session. Keeping Louis company in this lonely old flat since Niall was off with his bartender duties. Not only that, but the weather was complete shit, windy and stormy. There wasn’t much to do in the first place. He didn’t feel like blogging or playing The Sims. So it was nice having one of his mates here with him for a bit.

Zayn eyed his curiously and leaned back into his seat. “And what exactly is that you want, Lou?”

A slow smile comes to Louis' lips, Zayn would have to agree, right? He loved this shit. “Well, I sort of told Niall’s loverboy I would host Niall’s birthday party this year, and I really need your and Liam’s help.”

It has been almost two weeks since he told Donovan about his _plan_ and he was starting to get a little panicked. The heartthrob texted him this morning asking him when it’d be a good time to meet up and discuss party details. Louis told him he was still working out the details when he really wasn’t. So he needed to get his arse in gear, even though he had five damn months to do so.

He knew he shouldn't have told Donovan about plans that never even existed in the first place.

Zayn raised his brows, acting like he couldn't believe what just left Louis’ mouth. Whatever though, at least he’s helping out his friend in the best way possible.

“You’re lying, aren’t you?”

Louis shook his head.

“You do know, Niall goes to back to see his parents for a few days around that time every year, right?”

Louis scoffed. “Of course I do, but the party will be the night before he leaves. It’ll be least expected since he’d be more worried about packing his shit.” It was a brilliant idea if you ask Louis, Donovan would be there and Niall would have a wonderful party to celebrate with his closest friends.

“I mean I’m more than willing to help, just we have to like do this strategically. Because what if Niall had plans before he off on a plan? That would totally ruin everything.” Zayn had worries that Louis understood, but he could figure out something.

Maybe he could ask Niall if he wanted to go cruise the clubs and pubs or something. More than likely his best mate would be up for it.

“ Good thing I’ll have you, Liam’s, Harry’s, and Donovan’s help. Everything will be okay.” Okay so maybe Louis hadn’t told Harry yet, but he’s sure his friend wouldn't care when he does tell him. “We’ve got plenty of time, and besides I’m mostly doing this to get Niall, the man of his dreams.”

For a moment the lights flickered in the kitchen and Louis didn’t like that. Nor the crack of thunder he could hear from outside that rolled. But that wasn’t important matter right now, because trying to get Zayn on board with this Donovan-slash-birthday plan was more important.

“And what if this Donovan thing doesn’t go to plan?” Zayn commented, scratching at his neck.

“Then Niall will still have a wonderful birthday party, regardless.” and that was that. Louis knew the chance of Donovan and Niall ending up together that night were slim to none. But it doesn't hurt to try.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Li about it and see what he thinks. I’m sure he’ll say yes though.” Zayn finally agreed, thankfully. Now he just had to get Harry on board. “Just what exactly did you need our help with?”

“Everything.”

So, that’s what dominated the rest of their conversation on that. Zayn mentioning that since Louis had told Donovan, he wanted to do something massive, they’ll have to do more than vanilla cupcakes with sparkler candles. They needed a venue, a theme, a guest list, and sum to donate to the cause. It was going to be a project, but they have loads of time until then worry about that.

Eventually, the subject changes onto more exciting things like Zayn and Liam’s trip to Greece in a few months. Louis got to hear about their two week itinerary that Liam had made up and all the sites they’d see. That they’d have a few days to just unwind and not leave their hotel room. Spending time together and focusing on their relationship. It was nice hearing about that, them trying to keep everything strong despite everything else.

Liam’s a busy man that has a lot going for him and Zayn’s he’s not one to have his hands full. They live together, but maybe see each other a handful times a week because of Liam’s jobs, but they’ve never thrown in the towel. They’ve been together for seven years and only had broken up once, which is pretty damn amazing.

Louis remembers the story Zayn told him how they met, actually how they’d gotten together more so. Liam was the stud of his school that he had a massive crush on him for years. Zayn thought Liam didn’t know he existed because he never gave him the time of day. Zayn was the artsy loner that had one good friend. He always snuck out and had a smoke during lunch with said mate at the back of the school. They never talked in school, but there was a time when Liam smiled at him once in the hallway during passing time, and he almost fainted. But nothing ever came from, and they never had an interaction again.

Then fast forward to their first year at uni, they’d crossed paths at a mutual friends party. It was the first time they ever talked, and Zayn was really nervous. Quite shy around him because it was Liam Payne after all, still beautiful as ever. But Liam hung around and tried to get to know him better, bonding over the fact they used to go to school together. Eventually trading numbers and becoming friends fast. Talking all the time and hanging out nearly every day. Then at one point, Liam admitted he’s always thought Zayn was gorgeous and yet, so intimidating. That he was scared to even go up to him as ask him out all those years in fear of rejection. Then Zayn admitted he liked him too, and Liam kissed him. Then one thing led to another, and here they are today.

Louis wondered if he’d have a love story too.

By the time Harry and Liam had shown up a little while later, drenched and shivering from the torrential downpour outside. Zayn and Louis were still at the kitchen table, sipping on some fizzy drinks, and just talking about trivial bullshit. Zayn and Liam ended up leaving minutes later because they had plans to visit Zayn’s family tomorrow morning and then head to Liam’s parents for the evening. So they had a busy day, and Louis didn’t blame them for staying any longer.

On the upside, he had Harry with him for the night and Louis wouldn’t have it any other way.

Louis wound up lounging on the sofa, almost curled into a ball in the corner, staring at Harry who was sat across from him in the recliner, messing with Niall’s _Apple TV_. Trying to have a binge-a-thon of shows. Ugh, he looked so good, it was almost criminal. Louis wanted to push himself into Harry’s lap and stay there forever.

He looked warm and cozy now that he was changed into drier clothes. It was sad that he had this whole couch to himself and yet, the man he craved was at a distance. Louis sighed softly, dragging his eyes away from his mate and pulls out his phone. Finally getting back to that text he’d received hours ago.

Honestly, he didn’t know what to say earlier nor does he even know now, leaving Sean on read. Louis knows his ex-boyfriend had wanted him to say yes for weeks now. But the thing of it is, the idea of going over to his for dinner was kind of daunting.

Sean probably had a beautiful home that had he was eager to show off, to impress Louis with his successes and disgustingly expensive watch collection. He wouldn't be surprised if his ex-boyfriend had a cook. Shit, Louis wouldn’t be shocked if he had a summer home on the water somewhere. It’s just... They’d be alone. Only the two of them with a broken past. It worries him that it could stir up old emotions.

And that’s scary.

Louis can’t come to say anything again, just shoving his phone back into his joggers and folded his arms against his stomach. His eyes back on Harry and Louis wanted to tell him about Sean. He felt guilty about keeping it a secret. He wanted to ask Harry for advice and what he should do. To know if he’s making a huge mistake if he says yes or no. Louis wanted to tell Harry everything.

But he knows Harry wanted nothing to do with Sean.

“So, what sounds better a horror or a comedy?” Harry broke the silence between them and flicked his gaze towards Louis.

“Wouldn’t it fit the theme of this dreary night to watch something scary, Harold?” Louis was up for pretty much anything at this point. Clear his mind up about the whole dinner at Sean’s thing. Not only that, but any excuse to be around his best mate was good to him. “I mean, am I right?”

Harry smirked and said teasingly:, “I just don’t want you to be frightened too much if we watch something terrifyingly scary.”

“Your such a dick,” Louis said fondly, chucking one of the pillows at his mate that was beside him, and the corners of his lips twitched upward when it whacked him in the chest.

“You missed,” Harry beamed, and there's a mischievous glint in his eye. “Nice try, Lou.”

“Fuck off, Harold.” Louis muttered

It was a comfortable silence after that, Harry was skimming through the movies on Niall’s library of films. Which he had a fucking abundance of film's he’s purchased over the years, Louis’ probably seen not even half of them. Shit, Niall probably had accumulated twenty films a month. Louis doesn't know where in the hell Niall has time to sit down and watch all these masterpieces, but he surely appreciated it for a movie marathon.

But who knows, maybe that's why Niall had gotten so many in the first place.

Eventually it was decided they’d watch _The Conjuring_ and _The Evil Dead_. Harry ended up hitting the lights and going into the kitchen, he mentioned something about popcorn, which Louis couldn't say no to that. It was nice actually spending time with his best mate like this again, them just lounging around watching countless shows and bantering. Maybe afterwards before bed, they’d sit and talk before Niall comes home just like they used to do. It was a memory Louis wanted back and to keep. He had missed his best mate.

Even if he can’t have Harry, he’d always cherish their friendship.

Initially, Louis had thought that Harry would have split the buttery snack between them, but then he comes out with a purple bowl filled that was nearly spilling with popcorn and two water bottles. Setting the bottles and popcorn down onto the coffee table and grabbing the remote from the chair, popping down into the spot next to Louis.

So they were sitting together then.

“Now if you get too frightened, I’ll be right next to you if you need protection from the spooky ghosts.” Harry quipped, chuckling as he reached for the purple bowl and set it between Louis’ feet and his thighs.

“You’re the worst.” Louis pouted, moving to sit facing the telly so he could munch on some popcorn… and maybe to feel a little closer to Harry. “I can't believe I stayed your friend after all these years, treating me like the gravel under your shoe. “

Harry shook his head, moving one of his arms, so it laid on top of the ledge of the sofa behind Louis’ head. Scooting a little closer than he needed to, almost tipping over the bowl. _Fuck_. Louis understands that Harry was probably trying to get comfortable, but couldn’t he do it facing the other damn way?

Ugh, this was going to be torturous.

Louis shoveled popcorn into his mouth as _The Conjuring_ started and slouched down into his seat to get more comfortable, resting his feet on the coffee table. Trying his hardest not to stare at his friend out the corner of his eyes because he looked soft and inviting.

For the first half of the movie, Louis chowed on their buttery snack, and his heart scintillated every time his hand would brush with Harry’s whenever he reached for more. Feeling a little jumpy at the eerie scenes and the uncanny undertones. Louis had seen this movie a few times over the years, but it still gets him every fucking time. Especially when Bathsheba jumps off the wardrobe scaring the poor girls. Louis _hated_ that damn scene.

Even when he rubbed his greasy hand on his trousers, he nearly had a fucking heart attack when he heard a loud roar of thunder filter through the flat. Especially during the damn exorcism scene.

And then the room went dark, and Louis gasped, spilling the almost gone popcorn onto the floor when he pushes up against the warm body beside him.

Fucking hell, Louis vowed to never watch a horror film on a stormy night _again_.

The power is out, apparently being a brat and didn’t want to come back on. This was just fantastic. Now what?

Louis felt heat inching to his cheeks when he felt Harry’s arm drop onto his shoulders and pulled him close for a moment. “I was only teasing you, you know. About the sacred thing..” Harry tittered, pressing a gentle kiss to Louis’ temple. “Didn’t think you’d be almost on top of me, scared out of your head, me because of the thunder.”

“Go to hell.” Louis’ cheeks were on fire, he didn’t mean to react the way he did. It's just they were watching an unsettling movie and with what else had happened caught him off guard. But who's to say he didn’t mind the little snuggle from his friend.

So sue him for actually finding comfort in his mate.

“So I suppose we should light some candles, huh?” Harry inquired, and Louis could’ve sworn he felt fingertips caressing his shoulder. “Stay here, Lou.”

And the next thing Louis knows, Harry’s pulling away and there's a hand on his knees briefly when Harry pulls himself to his feet. Louis rubs his hand over that spot, almost wanting to reach out and pull his mate back down again. Just to cuddle and forget everything else.

But he says nothing and pushes his fallen fringe out of his eyes, wondering what happens now?

They clearly aren't going to watch the other film tonight or even get to finish their first movie. Whatever though, as long as Harry doesn’t bail on him to catch some sleep. Maybe it won't be so bad.

Harry had managed to find about six candles and put them in the center of the coffee table. Lightning them up, and it wasn’t no lamp, but it worked. At least they could see without draining the batteries to their phones with that flashlight on them. Not only that but he could see the mess he made from the events that played out and quickly cleaned that up, tossing the remains into the rubbish bin in the kitchen before reclaiming his spot once again. Harry back beside him, only this time he was facing Louis. Arm resting on the ledge thinking its’ okay to do so and tucking his foot under his bum. Staring at him intently and make Louis’ want to grab Harry’s wrist and pull him on top of him, snog his stupidly beautiful face over and over, and running his finger through those luscious curly locks. Louis wished he could do that, but they weren’t dating. Nor Friends with benefits; not anymore.

It was one of those times Louis wished he’d be the one to kiss Harry fervently instead.

“So, this kind of brings back some memories, you know.” Harry started to say, and Louis tried to roll his mind back to the past whenever the power went out. The only thing Louis could recall was that time when they were younger when he was about fifteen. Niall and him were at Harry’s for the night, and Gemma scared the living hell out of the three of them barging out of Harry’s closet with a creepy clown mask on while they were watching some cliche poorly done horror film he can’t remember the name of. Gemma had the best fucking laugh of her life and Louis was just so grateful she hadn’t gotten it on tape. 

She would’ve blackmailed them all for years!

“Remember when Niall and I would come stay at yours for the weekend, and we’d play hide and seek in the dark with your sisters?” Actually, Louis had forgotten about that. What a fucking great game that was, honestly.

Playing a hiding game in complete darkness is the ultimate because you have to go by feel and sound. What was even better was when they played it in inside and in Jay’s back garden midsummer night's, Louis would always hide in his old treehouse from his even younger years. Given then he thought it was a brilliant spot, but Harry always found him there, and Louis can hear sixteen year old Harry saying: _You should know by now that I’ll always find you, Lou_. It made him smile at the memory, and he missed that.

In fact, he longed to recreate that memory…

“What are you getting at Styles?” Louis questioned, even though he had a feeling that Harry was up for a game.

“Was thinking since we don’t have much to do we could possibly play again? It’s been ages, and I think I still have my winning streak of ten minutes.” Harry sounded smug, and Louis was endeared.

That's right, they used to have little bets going on, saying whoever found everyone with the shortest time got a prize. Normally that meant getting an advantage of making an area of choice off limits to make things easier. Or they could have a say of what video game they played before bed.

Harry had always won, and Niall was the poor sport who whined that Harry cheated because he peaked during the count.

“You seriously think you still got it?” Louis laughed, already thinking of his hiding spot; under his desk. “Won’t it be a bit boring with just the two of us?”

Harry smiled. “Of course I do, a champion never losses, Lou.” God, he’s in love with a competitive dork. “It doesn’t have to be boring, you know. We could make things interesting. “

And that piqued Louis’ interest. “How so?”

Harry stared at him for a moment, looking to be thinking quickly before he said” “Well, we could make a bet.”

“And what would this wager be, Harold? It better be worth my wild or I’ll reconsider hanging out with you.” Louis threatened playfully, feeling a little proud of himself when there’s a hint of a smile around Harry’s lips. He looked dashingly handsome right now in the softness of the dim light.

Harry licked his lips, his eyes searching Louis’ face for a moment. “Well, if I have the best time you have to accompany me on a road trip in August.”

“A road trip? To where?”

“Whenever my heart desires. Just the two of us for a day or two with no distractions of cell phones and laptops.”

And truthfully, Louis hoped he would lose. Because ugh, hello? Who wouldn’t want to go on an adventure like that with the person you love the most? Louis was inspired to hide in the most conspicuous spots possible to have that.

They’ve never gone on a road trip together before, well alone. Just the two of them on the open road with so much time on their hands. He could already see himself in the passenger seat nodding his head along to Harry’s music playlist and creating wonderful memories. Harry would be there right beside him the whole time, and Louis couldn't ask for more than that.

“And what if I win?’ Louis questioned, tilting his head a little.

“Well, what do you want?”

 _You_.

“Hmm, if I could have anything in the world…” Louis voiced aloud, wondering what he did, in fact, want if in some freakish way he does have better timing finding his mate. Apparently, he wasn't going to do the cliche and say a kiss or anything to with money. But it needed to be good, something he’d love.

“I’ll give you anything.” Harry agreed, and Louis wished that had more meaning to it.

“Then, in that case, I want that _Poison_ shirt you have.” It wasn’t the best idea, but if he could have another piece of Harry that was enough for him. He could wear it to bed or lounge around in it, as long as Harry didn’t mind. Just something reminiscent of him that feels like home.

“You don’t even like that band, Lou.” Harry decided to point out, but hey, he said he could have anything. “Besides it’d be a bit big, wouldn’t it?”

Louis scoffed. “I’m pretty sure it’d look nice on me, H. I’m not as small as you think I am.”

Then there was a crack of thunder while Harry just chuckled, carding his fingers through his curls. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

Harry was going to truly make his heart beat out of his fucking chest.

“So it’s a bet then?”

Harry nodded, “Three rounds each and then we’ll know who gets the prize.”

“You’re on, Styles.”

Then made a pinky promise on it and Louis felt genuinely excited about the this, because either way, he knew he won.

For Louis’ hiding spots during majority of the game, he hid under his desk and in the shower. Harry found him in a matter of minutes because he’s that fucking good at this game. But when it came to finding Harry, it was hard. First of all, they put the living room off limits because of the candles and so they couldn't see when they stepped into separate rooms. Secondly, you had to feel your way around, and Louis' brain had almost short circuited when he touched Harry’s chest when he was hidden beside his wardrobe in his room.

It was the only time he could find him, before passing his next turn because he felt like he’d been looking for hours. Harry had come out from under Louis’ bed. That sneaky bastard. Of course, he was hidden under the bed.

But now it was his last turn to go and hide.

“You’ve got ten seconds, Lou. Better make this one count.” Harry teased, giving him a wink as they stood in the poorly lit lounge room.

“Don’t underestimate me, Harold. I might actually win.” Yeah… no, he won’t. It wasn’t even close, but a little banter was always fun.

Harry just smirked and put his hand over his eyes, counting down to ten, and Louis tailed it to the kitchen. Trying to think of the most unusual spot to look, because of course, Harry would go for the more complicated ones first. Not only that… but Louis really wanted this game to end so they can start making plans for this road trip coming up.

So, he just hoisted himself up onto the countertop by the dirty cups that needed washing, carefully scooting them away, so they didn’t cause much sound. Waiting patiently for his mate to find him.

Louis carefully picked at the loose threading on the sleeve of his hoodie, keeping an eye on the door, and his stomach was all fluttery. He was excited, okay? It’d been forever since he’s gotten a break from reality and to spend time with his best mate. Louis needed this so damn bad.

If that meant quitting his shitty job because he can’t get two days off, then so be it.

Then a minute later, Louis sees the familiar silhouette in the doorway, and he can feel himself smiling as he hears Harry's feet pad against the laminate floor. Wanting to giggle when he hears Harry cursing when he bumps into the kitchen table and chairs. Almost losing his breath when he hears Harry hands feeling around the fridge and countertops, knowing he’s close.

There's a hand on his knee and on the other, Louis could feel his heart banging against his chest when Harry’s palms smoothed up his thighs to his hips. A body wedged between his legs and Louis couldn’t muster up anything to say. The touches were gentle and Louis’ was breathing a hard, it’d been forever since he felt Harry touch like this.

“Found you.” Harry cooed, and Louis felt frozen when one of those hands suddenly went under his top and rested against his bare skin on the small of his back.

Louis was speechless, he hadn’t known what to say. His brain had short circuited, and this was overwhelming to him. He hadn’t been touched in this way for a long time, and it affected him severely. Harry was right there, but Louis couldn’t see him. He could feel him. His warm hands on his body and snug between his legs. A part of Louis wanted to pull Harry down into a kiss, to shove his tongue down his throat, and wrap his arms around him. Louis wanted Harry, even more, the longer he was there.

Nearly trembling when he feels the hand on his hip ghosting up his torso and fingers sliding against his cheek. Stifling a breathy whimper that begged to escape when he feels the gentle caress of the padding of Harry’s finger trailed against his cheek.

It was mind numbing. _This_. The cuddle or whatever it was going on here, because it was making Louis feel so many things. He wanted to clutch Harry’s shirt and pull him closer and press a tender kiss against his throat. Louis yearned to nuzzle his face into his chest and be Harry’s one and only.

To tell Harry, he had his heart in his hands.

Louis nestled his face against Harry’s touch and hesitantly reached a hand out, resting it flat against his chest. Fingers slightly curling into the fabric of his top. Feeling brave in the darkness because he knows Harry can’t see the love Louis has for him in his eyes.

Swallowing at the way Harry’s finger slowly edged to a stop against his cheek and the hand on the small of his back drew him in a little closer.

And Louis didn’t want this moment to pass them by, he wanted to stay here with him until dawn.

But then the front door opens, and the living room is flooded with light. Then Niall announced: “Lads I’m home! Got off early because of the powers outage.”

Louis frowns when he feels Harry pull away and he slowly moved his own self off the counter, which was terrible, awful idea because somewhere in the process a glass falls and smashes against the floor and Louis just stands still. Afraid he’d cut his foot or something.

It wasn’t fucking fair, Harry being ripped away from him like that. Fucking Niall and the stupid power outage, of course, he came home. Figures.

Whatever though, at least he got something to look forward too.

Then in comes Niall, all drenched and shivering with an unreadable expression across his face.

“What’d happen?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Nialler?” Louis finally found his voice, not finding it himself to look at Harry right now. Almost afraid he gave too much away before Niall showed up unannounced. “It’s a not big deal, though.”

“I meant how did it happen, and why didn’t you guys have a candle or something?”

Louis swallowed, trying to find his words because clearly, Harry was tongue tied and not saying a damn thing. It made Louis feel nervous, like what happened between them wasn’t supposed to have happened, and Harry’s maybe having regrets about it.

It just makes Louis’ inside cry a little because that moment they had meant everything to him.

Eventually, Louis managed to get out his words. “We were playing hide and seek in the dark, and you startled me.” well it wasn't exactly a lie, they did play that, Just not going into details on what exactly happened, the glass breaking.

Niall gasped when Harry went off to grab the broom and dustpan. “And you lads didn't wait for me to come home?”

“Well, there wasn't much do, Ni,” Harry spoke up, fucking finally. Making his way back over and Louis carefully glanced at him in the softness of the light, feeling a little better when Harry gives him a little smile before sweeping up the glass. “Besides I ended up winning like usual.”

Harry couldn't have sounded any more smug, and Louis was swooning.

“What was the prize?” Niall’s eyes darted between them, curious bastard he was. Of course, he’d ask.

“Harold promised me a road trip.” Hopefully, that’s still on the table…

Unless Harry is weirded out, then he’d understand if he changed his mind.

“Awe, I want to go on a road trip too,” Niall whined, sounding like Lottie and Fizzy when they were younger and wanted everything Louis got. Pouting and making a fuss. “Maybe I can tag along?”

“Sorry Nialler, but I promised Lou it’d be just us.” Harry broke any chance of Niall hopping on that bandwagon and Louis was having a fucking party in his head. They really were going to be alone, it was like Christmas come early! “Maybe all three of us can do something soon.”

“I mean think of it this way, you’d have the flat to yourself,” Louis told Niall, watching Harry finishing cleaning up the glass before dumping it into the bin. Feeling heat color his cheeks when Harry winks at him and he needs to fucking cut that out. “And who knows by the time you could properly woo Donovan and have him over for a few days.”

Niall had this grin expand across his face, like he heard the greatest thing ever. Louis just hoped he didn’t misconstrue their words…. He can’t deal with more of those lies. He just can’t.

“So glad to have you boys in my life, what would I do without, ya?” Niall gushed, pulling them both in by the shoulders and squeezing them against his body. Louis was glad Niall didn’t have hard feelings over the whole trip thing.

Like Harry said, they could all do something together. Louis was definitely on board with that.

Which reminded Louis he needed to talk to Harry about Niall’s party, but fuck, he can’t do that now. The main man of the parties here and could listen in on it. Louis wasn’t about to spoil the surprise that hasn’t been really in the works just yet.

Maybe he’ll talk to Harry tomorrow about it, put a reminder in his phone so he won't forget.

“Let’s just hope he doesn’t have a secret boyfriend.” Niall really needed to stop worrying so much, just live in the moment. Flirt with that mane shamelessly and don't give up.

It fucking hilarious that Louis can’t even do that.

He really should start following his own advice because then maybe things would not be so complicated.

If only...

When they filtered out of the kitchen into the living room, they decided on having like a sleepover in the bigger room. The power was still out, obviously. The flat was quite chilly and the storm going strong. Neither of them were tired quite yet, and Niall had the hot gossip on the tip of his tongue from the pub.

So, they grabbed their blankets and pillows, setting up makeshift sleeping areas: Niall took the couch (surprise, surprise). Harry took the space by the coffee table near the candles, and Louis took the recliner. It wasn’t the most comfortable in the world, but it was better than the floor. Okay so maybe Louis kind of sounded like an asshole, he felt bad Harry resorted to it, but he offered. Well more so insisted he’d take it because he’d be more inclined to wake up to start his day earlier because he had work first thing in the morning.

Still, Louis felt a shred of guilt.

But it was nice being around his closest mates, hearing Niall complain about this old man that accuses him of watering down his drinks every time he comes in once in a blue moon. Harry just chuckling and giving his _wonderful_ advice here and there. Himself giving Niall a hard time, but only in the most light hearted way. It felt like old times if Louis were honest and maybe this night was what they needed to pull everything back together again.

It would’ve been sweeter if Liam and Zayn were here, but he was happy how everything turned out.

Even after their word died on their lips and quietness took over, Louis was in good spirits.

But Louis couldn't sleep for the life of him, sitting there awake, as he stared at Niall whose snoozing away, face pressed into the pillow. Probably comfortable and warm. Louis' feet were cold, and he kept thinking about what had happened in the kitchen. When Harry’s hands were on his skin, touching him in a way that screamed intimacy. 

He wanted to rewind back to that time and make himself ask Harry what did this mean? Why did he feel him up like that? Why didn’t he pull away when he found Louis? And why didn’t he tell Louis it was his turn?

Maybe it meant nothing, and he’s reading too much into it.

It’s confusing and yet, so damn frustrating that he didn't have these answers. He wished he had the freakish ability to mind read, because maybe then he wouldn’t be so overwrought about it.

Louis sighed, leaning back into his seat, about to push the lever back to recline, until he felt a light touch on his ankle. His eyes glancing down to the floor and Harry’s there looking up at him, who's still awake and his expression is soft with hopeful eyes.

“Come down here.” Harry crooned, opening up his blanket enough so Louis could squeeze into to the empty spot beside him.

The corners of Louis' lips slowly slid upward as he quietly got up from his spot and crawled down into the spot beside his friend. Tucking a pillow under his head and his heart shaking when Harry blows out all the candles, and he’s even closer to Louis. Pulling the heavy blanket over them and Louis feels warm breath fanning along his ear.

“You can still have my shirt,” Harry muttered out tiredly, totally catching Louis by surprise.

“Why?”

Then it was silent between them for a moment, and all that could be heard was Niall faint snores and the rain still pelting against the windows. Louis’ heart was swelling in his chest when he feels one of Harry’s hands slid up under his top.

It should be illegal that Louis wanted to melt against his touch. For Harry to be sweet and tender towards him like this. Being near him and feeling his touch, when it meant absolutely nothing. That it never will.

Louis felt almost like crying because nothing was fair.

“Because you’re a winner to me.” Harry whispered, and Louis just laid there blinking.

He feels like he should say something, but he doesn’t.

Louis lays there for a while and eventually flutters his eyes closed,, feeling heavier the longer he laid here in the warmth. The sounds of Harry’s soft, heavy breaths had slowly lulled him to sleep.

When Louis wakes up, he feels a heavier blanket pulled over him and fingers in his hair. A gentle kiss against his temple and feet padding away. Louis lays there with his eyes closed, still awfully tired, but his back was feeling fucking horrendous. Nearly whining when he feels something missing; a warm body.

Then he heard car keys jingling and keyboard noises from Harry's phone. Louis blinks the sleep from his eyes and turns to his side, watching Harry finish tying up his trainers and then pulling on his jacket.

And then he was out the door, and Louis misses him already.

Louis laid there for a minute, trying to fall back into slumber, but it was hard. He wanted Harry here. He wanted him to skip work and come back to bed, but that was such a stupid wish, and he knew it.

Harry would never miss a day of working because of him.

Yet when he rubbed his eyes and decided to say fuck it, if Harry can be attentive to him in these early hours, then so can he. At least he’ll have that.

Without another thought Louis quickly got to his feet, almost falling over because he had lost his balance a little. Not grabbing his jacket or putting on his shoes as he goes out the door and is in a near jog when he goes down the corridor to the lift. Hoping he hadn’t left yet.

He was relieved when he made it out the car park, the air laced with fog and chilliness. Louis should have grabbed his jacket. Shivering slightly when he saw him opening the door to his car and Louis dashed it to him, reaching him just in time as he was about to get in and grabbed him by the wrist.

Harry turned to look at him, his hair still damp from the shower probably, and Louis wanted to scrunch his finger through it. To kiss him on the cheek and tell him to have a good day, to not work so hard, and maybe they could go lunch.

But that never left his mouth when he pulled Harry into an embrace, holding him tight, and nestling his face into the side of his neck. Feeling the world slow down when he pressed his smile against his skin when he felt Harry giving him a little squeeze back before they break apart.

Harry was gleaming down at him for a moment before he slid into his car and Louis took a step back.

Watching Harry start up his car, and then he was backing out, giving Louis one last glance before he’s gone.

And then he was alone, standing in the middle of the car park with his hands in his pockets, replaying the moments of last night in his head.

Wondering if he’ll ever let Harry have the best of him, again.


	9. VIII

It’s the end of Louis’ shift, on a Tuesday evening, and he was exhausted. Ready to go home and have a nice long soak in the shower to wash away the odious coffee stench that lingered on his skin. Then nestle under the covers and spend his night indulged with Tumblr, finally logging back on now that it was a week into May.

And boy, did he have a lot of shit to tell his followers, if they hadn’t abandoned him, yet that is.

Louis will admit, having a bit of a hiatus from his top-secret online life was nice, and he actually had went out more. Not that he had a problem being a social butterfly, thank you very much. But, he’d been spending more time outside his bedroom walls, and that’s saying something after these past few years.

But, he couldn't wait to cry about his life again to his most loyal followers.

When Louis steps out of the coffee house, normally he’d already be on his way down the pavement. Popping in his earbuds and enjoying the flow of the tunes in his ear as he’d meander home. Yet, he hadn’t even made it past the first streetlight that was literally right outside the damn shop because apparently, Sean wanted to be the bane of his existence.

Leaning against his car, tapping away at his phone, and dressed in a snazzy navy blue suit. Louis insides were fucking scorching. He loved a man in his best dress, and it was like his ex-boyfriend was trying to make him weak in the knees on damn purpose. Fuck him, and stupidly handsome face. His fit body and those tattoos hidden under all those clothes. Louis thinks it’s absurd that Sean thinks this was okay, being here.

And it’s ridiculous that he was nearly drooling at the mouth over Sean.

Louis needs to know why in the hell he thinks it’s okay to be here and not off somewhere else. Making someone else's life complicated because Sean aspired to be a classy bastard today. Because clearly Louis never recalled telling his ex-boyfriend when he’d gotten off his shift nor did they make any plans. Hey’ve texted off and on through the greater part of the morning and Louis only told Sean he was at work until midday. Mid _fucking_ day and that could’ve been any time.

So it was a bit weird that he was here, honestly.

He made his way over and stood in front of Sean. Sean smelt like he doused himself in his cologne. Whatever happened to the use sparingly rule? Apparently, that didn’t apply to barrister? He smelt good, don’t get Louis wrong he appreciated the muskiness that had hints of amber and sycamore. It was just a bit overpowering.

“So either your stalking me or you suddenly have gotten psychic abilities and knew I was getting off work.” Louis finally spoke up, crossing his arms.

The corners of Sean’s lips slowly slid upward and pocketed his phone. His eyes on Louis as he pushes himself away from his car, taking a few steps closer. Standing awfully close… a little _too_ close. Louis felt suffocated.

“Even after a day of dealing with entitled customers, you still manage to be a smartass.” Sean tittered, his eyes searching Louis face for a moment. “You said you’d be off in a few hours, remember?”

But that still didn’t explain why he was here now?

“And you decided to wait it out like a creeper hoping to see the person of choice?”

Sean smirked, “Well if you put it like that, you may want to call the police because I’m pretty sure I’m about to kidnap you for the rest of the night.”

“Is that so?” Louis wondered in what world Sean thinks it’s okay to swoop in and infringe on his off time. All he wanted to do was go home and relax, not surround himself with someone that makes have irrational decisions.

“I mean, I hope so,” Sean licked his lips, reaching over to fix Louis’ collar of his shirt, making him flinch a little at the contact. There's a shadow of a grin dancing on his lips, and Louis wanted to hate everything about it. “I wanna spend some time with you, babe.”

Of course, he did. Fuck Louis’ life.

“I thought we could go for a nice dinner and maybe head off to a pub afterwards for a few drinks.”

“But I’m still in uniform,” Louis wasn’t sure if he was up for all that, especially with Sean. “And I reek of coffee.”

Louis wasn’t about to so somewhere nice and smell up the place. Nor did he want to even be caught dead in these duds since Sean mentioned something about a nice dinner. So that meant dressing up, and that Louis needed to change. If he went, that is.

Yet, Sean wasn’t giving up so easily.

“I’ve gotten an extra shirt in my gym bag,” Sean said nonchalantly, like it’s no big deal that he’s offering up a piece of _his_ clothing. “I swear its clean, but it might be a bit loose.”

“Are you sure about that?” Louis wasn’t to set on the idea, it probably smelled like him. He’s not too sure how he feels about parading around Liverpool in a shirt that belonged to the man in front of him. “I mean you wear it to work out, it probably has a permanent stench to it.”

Sean laughed and shook his head, like he heard the funniest thing in the world. “Actually, it’s my post workout shirt..”

Well, that still didn’t make Louis feel any more hesitant to even put it on in the first place.

“I promise it smells good,” Sean explained, but Louis just stared at him questioningly. The corners of Sean's lips slid upward and turned around, opening the door to the backseat.

Louis just stood there silently, wondering why his ex-boyfriend was trying so hard for this. Can’t he get the feeling that maybe Louis wanted to spend his night doing things that didn’t involve him? Or you know have a night on the town on a fucking Monday?

Hopefully, Sean didn’t plan to keep him out until wee hours in the early morning.

Then Sean’s back in front and handing him a black shirt, and Louis carefully took it and brought it to his nose. You know to inspect it. Ugh, of course, it smelled good, it was reminiscent of that fresh scented body wash Sean used when they were together, all through their relationship. Louis remembered it was the favorite part of his day whenever they had spent the night together, and Sean took his late night shower. Louis always loved the way he smelled.

What was Sean trying to do to him?

“Well, you’re definitely not lying. but where am I supposed to change?”

“I was thinking I could drive and you could use the backseat to dress.”

Louis just blinked, not entirely sure about how he felt about stripping down in the small cabin of the car. For one it’d be a pain in the arse trying to make himself look decent for the world. Lastly, he’d be almost naked for fuck sake. Anyone whizzing past them down the bustling street may get the wrong idea.

But Sean thought nothing of it, apparently.

“It’s not a big deal, I’ve seen all of you before,” Sean added like it’d help push Louis into doing it.

Louis sighed, his eyes drifted down to the soft shirt in his hand, would it seriously kill him to go out just this once with Sean? It wouldn't be a date just them hanging out. They were on the road to becoming friends anyway, and maybe this would get his ex-boyfriends fill and wouldn’t pester him about it for a while.

He had hoped so.

“As long as I’m home by midnight, then you’ve got me for the night.

By the time they’re on the road to whatever restaurant Sean had in mind ( he wouldn’t tell Louis) it was a nightmare trying to change in the backseat. For starters, there wasn’t much arm room, to begin with, and he tried to avoid the rearview mirror as best as he could, not wanting to give his ex-boyfriend a show. Not that he’s been in the buff with Sean before, it’s just been a long time. But on the bright side of things, the car was warm, and the shirt he slipped into was comfortably spacey.

Louis ended up folding his work shirt and setting it off to the side, hoping he wouldn’t forget it later.

A little while later, Sean and Louis found themselves at _San Carlo_ , where Sean had supposedly made a reservation for them. So, he banked on the fact Louis would’ve said yes about coming then. Louis simply said nothing on it though, just happy to get some food into his stomach.

When they were seated at their table, they ordered their drinks, and looked over the menu. Louis wasn't sure what he was up for, but everything sounded so delicious to him. Even the Risotto Lobster sounded good. He doesn’t even like seafood.

“You can get whatever you want, Lou,” Sean casually mentioned like it was no big deal. “I’ve got the bill.”

He wondered what sounded best, especially for free. A part of him felt the slightest bit guilty with all this money Sean had wasted on him ever since he’d come walking back into his life. He felt like he owed the man something, but he sure wasn’t what to do. That's if Sean doesn't keep rejecting his offerings that is.

Sooner or later, he knows he’ll give in and do something for him whether Sean liked it or not.

Louis skimmed through the menu, feeling eyes on him for a moment, and he swallowed. Deciding he’d get the Pollo Sorpresa because that sounded absolutely fucking amazing, and he didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it when he told the waitress when she’d came back with their drinks. Sean ended up getting one of the more expensive things (Dolcelatte) and a bottle of Sassicaia. Louis was almost afraid to know the total… that wine just sounded expensive.

“I thought you wanted to go for drinks after dinner?” Louis questioned when they were finally alone, bringing his glass of ice water to his lips. “Are you having a pre-happy hour because I’m pretty sure that isn’t a thing. ”

Sean smirked, resting his elbows against the tabletop, leaning forward a little. “I mean, I’ll only have one glass, and have it recorked for later.”

Hopefully, that was the case because he wasn’t sure how he felt about Sean being intoxicated from indulging too much.

“Save it for when you finally decide to come over and see my place.” Sean added, sounding ever so hopeful about that. Louis wasn’t sure if he’d ever be up to go over to his flat where it’d be just the two of them.

“Maybe.” Louis muttered out, knowing it was bald face lie, but Sean wouldn’t have known any better.

It fell silent between them, and Louis hoped their food would arrive sooner rather than later. He’s not too sure how much more he could take of the quietness in the air they were sharing.

But then Sean had this warmth in his eyes and a trace of a smile on his lips, before he finally said thoughtfully, “Do you remember when we first met at that party back in uni, and you were kind of mad that you’d been ditched?”

Louis scoffed, “Of course I do, how could I forget about Niall and Harry leaving me high and dry because they got busy with the nights guest list.”

“I still can’t believe no one chatted you up before I got to you, you were the prettiest boy there.”

Louis felt heat inching to his cheeks, he should’ve known Sean would’ve mentioned something like that. Him and his damn compliments. He was so fucked.

“Mm, I’m pretty sure Matty tried to get into my pants first.” Louis cringed at the memory, it was unfortunate that man was mates with his boyfriend at the time. “And still tried, even after the fact.”

Sean licked his lips, reaching to grab his glass of water, bringing to his lips to swallow some down. “Funny thing is, I haven’t heard from Matt in years. Not since uni, didn’t really like the fact that he’d stare at your bum whenever you were with us.”

Louis was glad that Matty had gotten busy with his life post uni and never seen him again. Apparently packed his shit and went north, going to live with his girlfriend he met online. They had been together for a year, and Sean never asked Louis to move in together.

And they were together for five.

“But I’m happy I was the one who snagged you up instead and yet, I felt like the biggest tool for not realizing how good I had it,” Sean commented, his expression soft. “You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I should’ve treated you better.”

Louis gnawed on the inside of his cheek, trying his hardest not to think about the past. Not to bring up old memories of them, the good and the bad. He wasn’t going to let Sean do this to him. Not this time.

“You deserved better,” Sean crooned, he sounded sincere, and Louis believed him. “But you know, I can sit here and dwell on the fact on how much I messed up, but nothing will ever replace all those good times we had together.”

Sean wasn’t wrong, they had many wonderful moments together. From all those times Louis spent the night in his boyfriend's dorm before he dropped out, leaving his nearly vacant. To that little tradition, they had where Sean would accompany Louis back home on Christmas Eve to spend time with family every year to celebrate Louis’ birthday. Catching up with family, having a hot meal and getting scolded by Jay because they wouldn’t stop being disgustingly affectionate. Sean staying until Midnight and texting him when he got home to tell him he made it all in one piece.

Louis remembered that first Christmas holiday they had spent together, he knew he was slowly falling in love with Sean.

“I still think about that night after I had graduated uni with my law degree, you attempted to make a celebratory dinner,” Sean started to tell, there's a hint of delight in his eyes. “You nearly burnt down the kitchen because you wanted to try some of those indoor grilling hacks you seen online.”

“Hey, they made it look easy.” Louis pouted, thinking back to that night, they’d been dating for well over a year. Thinking it was such a fucking brilliant idea to put a damn squash on the grates of the stovetop. It ended up being a charred, flaky mess. The tongs breaking into skin and juices were coming out. The smoke alarm went off, and squash was on fire. Louis never had been more stressed in his life!

Thankfully Sean stepped in and turned the burner off, telling Louis they could just get takeaway instead.

He had been banned from using the stove since.

Sean laughed, “But you nearly smoked us out, babe.”

Louis crossed his arms, pouting. It wasn’t his fault those _hacks_ were shitty suggestions. At least he attempted to do something nice for his man. It was the thought that counts, right?

“But nonetheless I appreciated it, but I’m just glad you didn’t you didn’t burn yourself in the process. The thought of you being in hospital all night because of at home grilling experiment gone wrong wasn’t exactly how I wanted that night to end up.”

“Yeah… I haven’t tried any of those _life saving_ hacks again. Facebook videos are the worst.”

Sean smiled, about to open his mouth until their dinner was served and Sean had been served his glass of that outrageously expensive wine. It probably costed more than his rent. He was sure of it.

It was a comfortable silence, where they dug into their food and sipped on their drinks for a bit. Fucking hell, his chicken was delicious, nearly moaning at the buttery garlic flavor. Even Sean’s dish smelt amazing and wanted to sample it too. But they weren’t dating, and they definitely don’t do that anymore: stealing bites from each others plate.

Louis didn’t want to admit it at first, but he was actually having a lovely time. Sitting here with Sean at dinner, reminiscing about old memories, and thinking about how good things used to be. It’s heartbreaking at the same time, because even with those nice moments and sweet words, Sean still slept around. Gave Louis an STI near the end of their relationship, and slept with a good number of men. There’s no forgetting any of that.

But, Louis wanted to forgive Sean, because he’s been trying so hard to make things good between them. To be mates. The trust still needed to be built back, it’d never be one hundred percent again, but it’s progress.

And it’s not a lie that it makes him feel a little happy inside that Sean’s doing his best.

“Do you remember that time when we stayed over at your mum's for a few days. It was summer, I believe. ” Sean brought up suddenly, breaking the silence between them. Cutting a piece of his steak with his knife. “Jay kept getting after us because some mister someone wanted to be all over me during family films in the living room before bed.”

Louis felt heat coloring his cheeks at the distant memory. He wanted affection, okay? Louis wanted to sit in his boyfriend lap, have hands on him, and share some sweet kisses. He was so damn in love with Sean then, but Jay wasn’t up to see her son have his neck mauled. Telling them to behave or send them knowing looks. Giving them loose threats to keep their hands to themselves or else they’d have to sleep in separate rooms. Giving them a lecture after Lottie and Fizzy had gone to bed, that she knows their adults and could do as they please, but it was her house, and she didn’t want to see it.

And they may have had a few good scoldings through the years for Sean’s hand finding its way to his bum or whenever they’d start snogging when they weren’t necessarily alone. (Louis liked to kiss his boyfriend during a cuddle on the couch, okay?) Then there were those stares Jay gave them that whenever there were fresh dark purple marks littered along Louis’ throat the next morning that definitely weren’t there last night. The _no funny business_ rule Jay had made that rule that never had been enforced… oops?

Jay never said anything about it though, only just the stuff she witnessed with her own two eyes.

“I mean… you could’ve told me to hold off until bed.” Louis smirked, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth and swallowed it down. “I wasn’t _that_ obsessed with you.”

Sean wiped his mouth with the napkin before taking a sip of his wine. “I seem to remember differently, babe.” He sounded so damn smug, and Louis felt like his insides were slowly incinerating. “The moment we had the sofa to ourselves after the girls and Jay went to bed, you were on my lap.”

Louis' face felt hot, Sean needed to fucking stop right there. He knew where this was leading to, they both knew what happened, and they didn’t need to retell the tale of it.

But Sean wanted to bring up those old intimate moments over dinner because he wanted to be an ass.

“You wouldn’t stop nibbling and kissing at my neck, nearly begging me to take you there,” Sean added, and Louis wanted to catch fire. Was it really necessary to share that? They were at dinner! Not in the comfort of being alone. It was like his ex-boyfriend wanted people to know about their past sex life. “So, my opinion still stands.”

“I did not.” Louis lied, flicking his gaze down towards his plate, trying to bite back his grin.

Okay, so maybe Louis wanted to get a little frisky with his boyfriend at the time on his mother's couch, sue him. The living room was basically dark other than the telly screen illuminating their faces, and they were the only ones awake. Louis wanted kisses everywhere and fingers in certain places. But, they didn’t do anything other than kiss passionately until Sean carried him back to Louis’ childhood bedroom. Kicking the door shut, hitting the lock, and losing their clothes somewhere in the middle of all that.

Louis couldn’t help but flush at the memory, he’s not sure how he’s going to make it through the rest of supper at this rate.

“But that was such a minuscule part of our past that we have many more of. Just like when we had our first anniversary, we started that indoor picnic tradition for the coming years. You were adamant for us to wear shorts in October.”

Louis glanced back up at Sean from across the table, the corners of his mouth finally turned up at those faint recollections. They kept up with the picnic date night up until their very last one and even though it didn’t fit the season they made it work. All they needed was a blanket, basket of finger foods, and candles to set the mood. It was simple and cosy. Top it off with a corny rom-com film and romantic bubble bath together in the end, it was their thing. _Theirs_. Something Louis thought they’d keep, something that would be forever.

A flicker of warmth diffused in his chest at the thought of it all.

He used to be so buoyant about the future and wondering where he’d end up. Knowing that no matter what, he wanted to spend his life with the man in front of him, he was Louis’ everything.

Sean made him happy.

And it frightens him a little that he remembers this feeling, the increasing pulse and safeness he felt slowly latching onto every bit of his chest. Louis’s mind was screaming at him to run as fast a he could and never look back, and yet, he didn’t want to go.

For all one knows, he was starting to worry for nothing and reading too much into It. This. Whatever was happening here.

Because maybe this was a false alarm…

“We literally did a summer activity in autumn, don’t blame me for following the rules.” Louis said waggishly then taking a sip of his water. Watching Sean over the rim of his glass and noticing the fond written around his eyes and that dashing crooked smile. His heart was definitely _not_ pounding up against his chest faster than usual. He was fine, they were fine.

None of this, whatever the hell was happening inside Louis had meant anything, and he certainly didn't need to explain himself.

Because it was all strictly platonic.

“And I always let you talk me into it, even though I’m pretty sure it was all an excuse to have a cuddle.”

Okay, so maybe part ( a _very_ small part) of the reason they wore shorts for the picnics was more than the theme itself. Don’t blame Louis though, the flat was usually a bit chilly, and Sean’s body was like a beacon of heat, so why the hell not?

“But I’d do anything for you.” Sean added, more subdued. Hs expression soft and Louis’ fighting away his grin, knowing his ex-boyfriend wasn’t lying.

Sean had always been supportive and did whatever it took to make Louis smile. To show him he cared enough. They made Fridays their date nights and early Saturday mornings under the covers in each other arms, beating the coolness in the air because he knew Louis was cold. That Louis needed him there. Even when things started to get bad, Sean would have other plans that night, or he was too busy to the point he’d tell Louis he couldn't make it. Where Louis was sitting around waiting with their takeaway, he ordered for dinner going cold and trying to get ahold of Sean through the night but never getting an answer. Sean’s phone had been off or went straight to voice message. Louis was so naive then, but when Sean crawled into his bed at five in the morning most of those times it happened (because he had a spare key Louis gave him) and kissed Louis on the shoulder, muttering out that he’d loved him and that Saturday could be his.

Sean gave him everything, but loyalty.

Silence settled between them and Louis went back to finish off his dinner. Which was still absolutely fucking scrumptious even if it was nearly room-temp. His mind on all those good memories and how much he wanted to slide his chair next to Sean’s and lean into him.

It’s fucking alarming that he was almost yearning for it, to feel close to the man that once had his heart. To fill that phantom void in his heart that was suddenly there. Louis wanted to slap himself round the head for allowing these faint feelings of longing to feel Sean’s touch. It almost makes him want to burst into tears because it’s so damn frustrating he feels this way.

They needed to put the past in a grave and bury it. Move on and talk about things in the present because it was fucking with Louis' head.

He hoped these weird feelings playing tricks on his mind would fizzle away.

It was a sigh of relief when Sean had finally spoken up and decided to talk about his job. Which made Louis feel more at ease now that they’d dropped those nostalgic former times.

If Louis used his brain, after they left the restaurant, he would’ve told Sean he was too knackered to go off and drink. But of course, that stupidly charming smile his ex-boyfriend had and that twinkle of hope in his eyes when they were back in the warm cabin of the car, Louis couldn’t deny him.

The pub they ended up going to was more on outskirts of the city by the seaside, one that Louis maybe had been to a handful of times since he’d lived here. It wasn’t crowded given that it was a weeknight and the sun had went down minutes ago. So finding a spot at the bar that wasn’t over pouring with drunks wanting another pint was nice. Ordering a lite beer and Sean telling him he’s gotten the tab was another small bonus. Noticing Sean had gotten a Shirley temple and Louis wondered if he’d get pissed later with that bottle of wine he had, lounging on a chaise lounge in nothing but cashmere bottoms, wondering what to waste his money on next.

Louis tried to not let the thought soak too much into his brain when he swallows down the beer that was in front of him. Nor the look Sean was giving him when he’s there so close to him, and he nearly twitched all over when there’s a hand on the small of his back.

And it didn’t move.

“So, you having a nice time so far?” Sean asked, bringing his glass to his lips with his free hand. “I promise, next time we’ll do something a bit more exciting.”

_Next time?_

”How so?” Louis was curious to know what in the hell Sean thought would be more interesting for them? It’s supposed to be casual, right?

Sean had a hint of a smile on his lips, leaning in a little more, and Louis wanted to bury his nose into his neck. He smelled so fucking good and him just being even closer than he had been all night had Louis’ wanting more.

But he didn’t act on it, because he won’t let himself.

“I could take you on the Floating Grace, it’s a sight to see.” Sean wanted to take him on a dinner cruise, of fucking course. “ Maybe even go to a concert, VIP style.”

Hmm, that all sounded very tempting and Louis had a feeling he’d be tagging along for free. Sean wasn’t afraid to spend money on him, and Louis wondered if he did for anyone else?

“That’d be nice.” Louis murmured out, already mentally preparing himself for that night in the coming future.

“Then maybe afterwards we could go to my place.”

Oh no, no, no, no, no. 

That can't happen, especially after doing stuff like that. He knew Sean had been trying his best to get him to come over for weeks, but that's for dinner. This implies something else, either a nightcap or having Louis over for the night. Which either one meant him leaving early in the morning being filled with shame on, wondering why he let himself stay.

And Louis knows if that happened, he may never want to leave Sean’s bed.

“Yeah.” Louis said in a near whisper, gulping down more of his beer, hoping his buzz would come sooner rather than later. He needed to stop thinking so much.

A breathy gasp fell from his lips when the hand on him started to slowly rub against his back. It was loud enough in the pub to cover it, but Louis was certain Sean knew how much it was affecting him. He wasn’t stopping, his palm tender and tentative.

It’d been forever since Sean had touched him like this.

Louis stared at his ex-boyfriend, noticing the twinkle in his eyes, and his lips stretched to a smile. The way Sean looked at him was familiar, Louis knew what the man was thinking, it’d been years since he seen it. The way Sean leans in a little closer and his hand sliding down lower until it rests right above his arse. Louis' heart was banging up against his chest.

And then his face inches closer and Louis felt like he couldn’t breathe. His eyes fluttering closed, he had so many mixed feelings about this… the-

But then there was warm breath fanning against his ear and scratchiness against his cheek. “Or we could go after here, you know… back to mine.”

Louis' ears felt hot when Sean pulls his face away just enough to stare at him. Pupils blown wide and licking his lips. The hand on him felt possessive on him, he could feel fingers toying with the hem of his shirt. Like Sean was itching to slide his fingers under his trousers and feel him. It was one hundred percent mind numbing.

“If you want?” Sean inquired, with a crooked smile.

Louis opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He can’t seem to find his voice, not when Sean’s eyes were intense and searching his face. Louis is confident they fell on his lips every so more often than not.

The moment hung between them, quiet and still. Like, Louis had been pushed up against a wall and forced to answer. But he can’t even think properly, and he _knows_ he’s being uncharacteristically quiet, but, he doesn’t know what to do.

One side of his mind is screaming at home to pull away from Sean’s intimate touch and tell him whatever was going on here needed to stop ASAP. That maybe trying to be mates with an ex-boyfriend was a bad idea after all. But the other side of it, was nearly on its knees pleading Louis to go ahead. Begging him to give in and see where things go. He was stuck, and it ’s so fucking arduous.

And this is when Louis realized he needed his mum’s advice more than ever.

Sean looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, not even touching the rest of his drink that seemed to be long forgotten.

_Why_ can’t he say no? _Why_ in the hell is it so hard to tell Sean they can’t? _Why?_

Louis attempted to pry his mouth open once again, but the moment he felt fingers nudging their way under his top and on his skin, caressing ever so lightly along his backside, he was utterly speechless. Wordless. Just incapable of anything right now other than focusing on Sean’s touch; Delicate and soft.

The way he used to-

“What in the hell is this!” A voice bellowed from behind, and Louis nearly fell off his fucking seat, the hand still there, and Louis' cheeks were coloring pink. He was sure Sean could feel him having a slight tremble that ran down his spine.

They were found out.

And by the sounds of that familiar husky voice behind him, this was going to be a mess.

Reluctantly, Louis turned a little in his spot, the hand finally fallen on his body, and his own resting against the bartop. Right there was Harry and Liam. Pints in their hands and shock written across their faces. This wasn't how he wanted to tell the or more less find out, but there’s no more hiding it. He’s having a beer with Sean. There was a hand on him, resting there like the old days, and he knows it looked bad. He _knows_ what his mates were thinking, that Sean and him probably had gotten back together and he doesn’t know where to start. How to even explain this _sensitive_ situation carefully and not have them jumping to conclusions.

Louis felt like he was going to faint.

“I-” Louis tried to come up with something but fell short, he just sounded broken. Feeling scrutinized under Harry’s hard green eyes and it was the worst feeling in the world.

Liam took a sip of his beer, and it was dead silent between the four of them, he could feel pressure against his knee, giving him a gentle squeeze. It did nothing for him, _nothing_. Because no matter how sweet of affection he was getting in this moment, it couldn’t make up for the immense guilt he felt.

“Is this the reason why you been so secretive about the guy from uni? Because of _him?_ ” Harry sounded angry, rightfully so, after at all he was the one who spent days trying to bring the shine back into Louis’ life.

Louis couldn’t help but notice the disgust in his mates eyes when he snapped his gaze to Sean for a moment before they fallen back on his friend. Louis felt so sick, he knew this was going to happen, the moment his mate found out. Harry _hated_ Sean. That day Louis found Sean in bed with the other guy and went home in tears, after he hung up with his mum Harry had came home from a staff dinner, and he was there the moment he heard Louis sniveling from his bedroom. He held Louis close and wiped away his somber tears, murmuring sweet words to him. Saying that Sean doesn't deserve him. That he hated him for making Louis’ heart hurt the way he did and never wanted to see his face again, or else Harry thinks he’d do something he’d regret.

And Harry’s such a kind person, and when he gets like that, protective, he’s gotten a bit of a cold streak. Especially when it came to family and friends.

So, Louis understands his frustrations.

“You didn’t tell them, Lou?” Sean sounded a little disappointed, as if he expected Louis to tell the whole damn world. 

His mouth just hung open, trying to get the words to spill from his mouth as his eyes darted between Harry and Sean. The room felt ten times hotter and stuffier, and Louis wanted to break free from this huddle and escape his problems. Ignore the questions and speculations, not having this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Not even the encouraging smile Liam gave him before he took a sip of his beer could make him feel better.

Maybe he could use some fresh air, talk to Liam and Harry alone outside the pub for a bit and explain to them it’s not what it seems. Hopeful that an argument doesn’t ensure because Louis can’t deal with that tonight.

He hated when Harry and him couldn’t get along.

“Um... Can you give me five minutes?” Louis asked Sean, hoping he understood the underlying reason as to why.

“Go ahead.” Sean sounded like he granted Louis permission, and Louis wanted to burst into flames when he feels fingers sliding against his knee before they’re gone. “I’ll be here when you get back, Lou.”

Harry glared at Sean, and it was hard, like he was waiting for the moment to strike.

Louis needed to get them separated, at a distance before one of them opens their mouth and makes this night into a chaotic mess.

He slid off his seat, grabbing the drink from his hand and setting it on the bar top, ignoring that confused expression etched across his face. Wrapping his fingers around Harry’s wrist and leading him to the exit. Liam followed suit, at least he’d be the mediator of the situation, because god knows Harry won’t.

Louis could just hear it already. _I can’t believe you’re dating him again! He cheated on you!_

And this was what he’d been dreading all along.

They eventually made it outside and stood next to the building where it was dimly lit, and vacant. Louis’ heart was in his throat as he leaned against the wall, staring up at Harry, arms folded against his waist because he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Liam’s just there, eyes flickering between them in the quiet moment.

Eventually finding his voice and hoping for the best.

“It’s not what it looked like,” Louis started, he’s not entirely sure where to start, but it was a start. “We were just-”

“You were just _what?_ ” Harry spoke over him, not even letting Louis finish. He sounded angry. “On a date with Sean? Because it sure seemed like it.”

Louis shook his head, no that was absolutely _not_ what’s going on here.

“Don’t deny it, Louis. Clearly, you hid him for a reason.”

“Harry, he’s not… we’re not together. I swear.”

Harry scoffed, furrowing his brows. “He had his hands all over you back there, so I’m finding it very hard to believe you right now.”

Louis swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat, feeling a little helpless. Thumbing at the hem of his sleeves, not really sure what to say (the cat had really gotten his tongue tonight, huh?)

“Not to mention you smell like him,” Harry added to his argument, and there was no denying any of this. Well, other than Sean and him being a couple, but he knows this looked very bad and making him out to be a massive liar. “I mean obviously that’s his top you’ve gotten on.”

Harry sounded so disgusted, and it made Louis’ feel small, he hated this. He hated it so fucking much. This was why he didn’t want to tell anyone, not until he felt ready.

But nothing ever goes right.

“Harry-” Liam started to intervene, thank fucking god. Maybe he could tell Louis felt defenseless, but Harry wasn’t finished and continued to spout.

It’s not like it wasn’t expected…

“Of all the guys in the world, you go back to _him_. After everything he did and lied to you about, I can’t fucking believe it.” Harry shook his head, letting out a scoff. The corners of Louis’ lips twitched downward, he really wished he’d been prepared for this. He wanted to tell Harry he’s overreacting, but he just stayed silent. Maybe if Harry got whatever it was out of his system, then it’d be okay to tell him everything. “It just blows my mind that you’re even with him when you know he would do it again.”

Louis' heart throbbed at those biting words, it hurt. Harry _knew_ how hard it was for him dealing with Sean’s infidelities and was there when Louis cried over it. When Louis came back from his mum’s after that hard few days, he told Harry everything Sean admitted to over of the phone. That the unfaithfulness was there from the beginning and there was someone else he kept around amongst the one night stands. Louis remembers telling Harry that his heart was even more broken.

Everything is silent between the trio, it lingers, and it’s overwhelming. Louis wanted to push himself away from the tension and run home. Run back to Doncaster where he doesn’t have to worry about ex-boyfriends or friends that were mad. Where he could go on with life peacefully with his family and maybe for once appreciate his mother trying to set him up, because even that sounded better than being scolded outside of a pub.

“We’re just friends, that’s it.” Louis wanted Harry to believe him. “ He lent me his shirt because mine was soiled, Harry.” And that's the truth, he could even go ask Sean himself. “So please stop saying me and him are dating again when we aren’t.”

Harry sighed, seemingly not too pleased, but whatever. Louis wasn’t going to stand here and let Harry keep spewing about things that aren’t even remotely true.

“Still doesn’t explain why he was touching you.”

“It’s obvious they’re in a good place now, so maybe they’re comfortable around one another?” Liam sounded unsure of himself as he darts his eyes to Louis who gave a small nod. Glad to have him here honestly, because he wouldn’t have known what else to do. Harry’s so up in arms over it, and he was sure at some point Harry would storm back into the pub and tell Sean off.

“I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want it to be a massive deal. H knows we’re never getting back together.” Louis told them, folding his arms against his waist. “Sean’s changed, and he’s proven that to me, he’s not that sleazy party animal I used to be with. He’s been good to me.”

“See, they’re mates now, water under the bridge.” Liam declared, clasping Harry on the shoulder, offering him a smile. But that snarl written on Harry’s face wasn’t going away, and Louis’ stomach had never felt so hollow.

“Whatever. ” Harry griped, pulling away from Liam’s touch and stormed off back into the pub, Liam and Louis stared at each other for a moment. Liam just shrugged, confused as Louis was about it, but they ended heading back inside and parting ways.

Liam had went to join Harry at one of the tables who looked perturbed, running his fingers through his curls. Louis almost wanted to go over there and keep explaining himself, but his feet lead him back to where he was prior. Sean greeting him a fresh beer and offering Louis his blazer, well more so putting it around his shoulders, not really giving him a chance to protest. Feeling eyes burning on him and it made Louis so shaky, even when he glanced over his shoulder, and their Harry was alone glaring at them from across the room when Liam sets a beer down a beer in front of him.

Louis sighed as he turned back to the man beside him, it’s not like he doesn’t understand it. He does. Sean’s been very attentive towards him lately and been sweet to him. But the thing is, back when they were together, that’s how Sean was, always taking care of him. Not that he asked for it, but naturally Sean wanted to. So Harry needed to relax and have a drink of his beer, because maybe he was freaking out for no good reason.

For the rest of the time at the pub, Louis had chatted with Sean and swallowed down his beer then trading it for water after the second. No way was he going to pissed tonight. He never would, not until he finally decides one day to give up and tell Harry how he feels. But that’s so far fetched, and Louis was even sure if he told him, he’d be on the next train out of Liverpool.

But nonetheless, it was a decent time, despite the nervousness tingling in his bones when Sean’s kept fucking touching him. Whether it was a brief hand on back or waist, the little squeeze on his thigh, and putting his hand on top of his whenever it rested on the bar. Louis could felt like they were being watched closely and he could feel it. Confirming his suspicious whenever he’d glance over his shoulder when it felt too much, lo and behold there was a steely look on Harry’s face. Sipping on his third, fourth, or fifth beer (Louis’ doesn't fucking know! He lost count a while ago) while Liam sat there texting beside him. What was even worse was when Harry stumbled between them at some point, making Sean pull his hand off Louis’ thigh, and telling the barman he’d like another pint.

Looking down at Louis and giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze before his drink was served and he staggered off back to his table. Nearly spilling his drink all over some poor lad who bumped into him.

It was strange seeing his mate getting carried away with the alcohol. Watching the way he drains it down his throat like water. Quenching his thirst. Normally, Harry the _designated driver_ or responsible friend making sure everyone got where they needed safely.

And you know what? The last time Louis had seen Harry even remotely intoxicated had been years. Not since that night they first moved to Liverpool. All three of them getting shit-faced drunk and ordering one too many pizzas that ended up being leftover for days. Giggling and laughing over stupid stuff. Excited about uni and officially being adults. Niall passed out by the toilet and Louis distinctly recalls falling asleep on top of Harry.

It’s not what you think! They were just mates then, strictly platonic. So what if he was conked out while practically in Harry’s lap that night on the sofa… nuzzling into him.. Shit, it wasn’t even his fault! Louis was merely stumbling past the couch when Harry pulled him down by the waist and cuddled him. Saying _stay with me_ and _I love you so much, Lou._ Smooshing a sloppy wet kiss on Louis’ cheek and almost squeezing him to death. Louis remembers waking up that next morning in his bed, paracetamol and a glass of water on the nightstand.

Funny how things change over the years, better or for worse. If Louis knew what was ahead of his future in Liverpool, he would’ve left. Stayed in Doncaster where he wouldn’t be torn between two men that have so much baggage in his life. Probably still at home and working at some job that doesn’t pay enough. He wouldn't have gone through heartbreak twice and continuously have to deal with it.

Louis wished he could’ve been smarter.

When they decided to leave the pub, Louis was anxious to go home. Get away from the thick tension filled the air and sleep off his weird thoughts pertaining to a particular person. But, the thing is, they never made it into the car because Sean caught him by the arm and stopped him.

Louis just stared up at him under the flickering puddle of yellow streetlight.

“So you never answered my question,” Sean started, his voice velvety, and his grip gentle. Louis' heart was banging in against his chest, because he knew where this was leading to. “Did you wanna go back to mine?”

Louis felt like he had to choose, that a raincheck wouldn’t be good enough.

But, he never got to dwell on his internal crisis because suddenly Harry and Liam were right there beside them.

“Hey Louis, mate, before you two head out, was wondering if you’d both want to go back to mine to have drinks? Niall and Zayn should be there.” Liam offered, glancing at Louis and then to Sean. “Unless you’ve gotten other plans., we’d love to catch up with Sean.”

Harry’s brooding face said otherwise, but he was quiet. Hands stuffed into his jacket and just letting out little huffs. He smelt like alcohol.

Sean though, lighted up at invite and Louis was hesitant, not that he didn’t want to hang out with his mates, it’s just… he’s not sure how Niall may react. Not only that, but Harry clearly isn’t for the whole being friends things. So it was bound to be weird.

“Well I don’t really have anything going on,” Sean eyed Louis for a moment, before he stared at Liam. “I mean you don’t have to feel obligated to invite me.”

“Great! Then let’s go.” Harry finally piped up, pulling Liam by the arms, but his hand got swatted away. Pouting about it as he Giving Sean a hard stare, avoiding Louis’ gaze altogether.

“You’re more than welcome to come since you’ve seemed to redeem yourself with Lou, so why not.” Liam replied, sounding almost hopeful that Louis’ ex-boyfriend would tag along for even more drinks. Not that Louis had any suspicions about that, Liam and Sean always had gotten on quite well back in the day. In fact, Sean had been good with everyone, even Harry.

So, maybe if Sean does go, it won’t be so bad, if Harry keeps his snarky comments and inebriation in order that is.

Sean’s eyes were back on Louis and muttered, “If you want me to go, I’ll go.”

Louis nearly flinched when he felt abrupt pressure against the small of his back, almost shivering against the touch. It was Sean. He was going to make Louis fly to the moon if he keeps up with all these affectionate touches.

“Uh… Yeah,” Louis murmurs, feeling the hand go slightly lower down his backside. Gulping at how suggestive it may look. “I don’t mind.”

A smile stretched across Sean’s face. “So, I’ll come then..” Louis was pretty sure Sean meant to say that to Liam, but his eyes were on him. Louis heart did _not_ twitch when Sean’s looked at his lips. Feeling like he was burning all over. Louis forced himself to break the gaze and focus on his mates who stared at them questioningly. Well more so Liam, Harry he was just scowling. Not that it came to any surprise.

“Thanks a lot, Liam.” Harry mumbled, bitterly, turning on his heels and stalking away, well more so stumbling over his feet. Louis watched him go. Frown touching his lips because he knew this gathering at Zayn and Liam’s flat was going to be a mix of emotions. Hopefully, Harry would be the only bad egg tonight.

And maybe his drinks would wear off toward the end so Louis could talk to him.

Liam sighed. “We’ll see you, lads, there, drive safe!” Liam gave them both a little wave before he jogged off towards Harry, who was attempting to get into some strangers car that was similar to Liam’s. Louis wanted to go over there and help Harry into Liam’s vehicle, make sure he’s fastened in and safe. But he’s already being pulled away from the scene and the possessive hand on his back leading him towards Sean’s shiny black car.

Louis hoped Liam would get there way before them and tell the _news_ to Zayn and Niall. God, he’d hope so. He really didn’t want to explain the entire situation again. It’s tiring.

The drive to Liam and Zayn was pretty much a quiet one, other than when Louis told Sean the directions of course. Sean wanted to make sure they were still at the same flat, of course. Louis just mainly kept to himself, squeezing the blazer closer around him, feeling like he was wearing a months work of salary on his body. He wondered if Sean felt worried about it possibly getting stained or ruined.

Louis wondered if Sean let anyone else wear his designer clothes.

When they had gotten to Zayn and Liam’s flat, Louis was sweating. He was so fucking nervous. Worried about what they were walking into, it could either go really bad or good.

But when they walk in and are greeted by a smiling Zayn, Louis felt a little better. A little cooler. Taking their jackets (Sean’s blazer) and telling them to make themselves comfortable. Such a warming host. Niall also greeted them with the same affection, well he did for Louis. Sean was a whole different story, just gave him a curt nod before heading to the kitchen with a beer in his hand.

Louis tried not to like stare, but Harry was sitting on the loveseat, sternness written on his features, and scrolling through his phone. He looked so mad still, and it bothered Louis, especially when Harry finally glanced up for a beat of a second and shoots them a glare.

It stabbed into Louis’ heart and was stuck there. Just a wound that won't be healed because Harry won’t talk to him. He hadn’t pulled Louis aside at all, not since he stormed off the first time, other than that little touch he gave him. It was bothering him. Feeling compelled to ditch Sean and slide down into the spot next to his mate, and resolve this. Kick everyone out of the flat and just let it all out, but unfortunately, that doesn't happen. Not when Louis finds himself sinking down into one of the recliners, and Sean’s on the arms, looking as if this were a casual thing.

Zayn and Liam pulled up some kitchen chairs and tossed Louis a can of beer, and asked Sean if he wanted to any, who shook his head. He’s probably going to indulge in that liquid gold water on for all Louis knows. Or we just reached his limit, Louis wasn't sure.

Then Niall finally settled in the far end of the emptier side of the sofa and Louis feels all the attention on him. _Them_. The questions hanging in the air and curiosity.The snide remarks and encouraging advice. The inevitable question: _So are you dating?_

Louis could just feel it.

“So… how’ve things been for you?” Liam broke the ice first, his hand on the back of Zayn’s neck, probably nudging his fingers gently along his skin. “We haven’t seen you in years.”

Louis just let Sean tell them what he’d been up to, all the things Louis already knew, and going into the specifics of his career. Zayn asking him if he still lived in Liverpool and Niall wondering if he’s gotten a significant other. Liam bringing up the fact Louis never said anything, questioning how long he’d been back in Louis’ life.

Which made Louis feel very apprehensive… the way Harry’s head snapped up at the interrogation wasn’t a great feeling. Or the way his face falls when Sean says they’d been talking for months and had met up for Valentine's day, not really sparing the details why. Louis wanted to curl up into a ball and die! It sounded so damn _bad_ , it sounded like a date more so, and Louis wanted to clarify, but nothing left his mouth when he shares a look with Harry for a moment.

Harry was just openly staring at him for a moment, sullen and his jaw clenched. Louis wished there was something he could do. But as soon as Sean brings up that he missed Louis, Harry was already on his feet, striding towards the sliding doors that led to the balcony, disappearing like that once he stepped outside.

Louis sighed. He needed to go talk to him, he wanted to to do this later when they were home, but that look he’d gotten. It crushed him. Like he had this heavy weight on his back that he needed to resolve. That he can’t just sit here and dwell on it, Sean was busy chatting with Niall, Zayn, and Liam anyways. Not like they’d really miss him, since they’d been so engulfed with Sean. Trying to catch up on everything, which was surprising, as Louis thought he’d walk into a madhouse. Yet the only one who was throwing a tantrum over it all was Harry.

After a second of thinking it through, Louis made his way out to the balcony, closing the door behind him, and sliding up next to Harry. Leaning against the rail, glancing up at him. It was quite dark, other than the light from the living room faintly illuminating them.

Here goes nothing...

“So-” Louis started to say, but Harry interjected, not even giving Louis a chance to talk.

“Do you love him?”

Louis blinked, that was not what he’d been expecting _at all_ , it was straight to the point, and it made him wonder why Harry wanted to know that.

“No...” Louis breathed out, feeling like all the air got sucked out of him when Harry flicked his gaze at him. There wasn't any warmth in his eyes, nothing more than bitterness. It made Louis’ heart shrink.

“So the roses he gave you meant nothing then?” Harry chided, Louis was taken back, he’d honestly forgotten about those flowers Sean had given him. “Even though you went to dinner with him that same night, when you lied to me about them being from your mum.”

“It wasn’t a date, I promise you that,” Louis stressed, it needed to be known what exactly happened that night. “All we did was meet up so he could apologize to me after all these years, and is it so bad that maybe there’s a slight chance I’ve forgiven him?”

Harry sighed heavily, he still didn’t seem on board. Louis wasn’t sure how much more convincing he could do.

Silence lingered in the air and Louis didn’t move, just watched the way Harry glanced down to the nearly full car park and gnawed at his bottom lip. Louis wondered what he was thinking.

Eventually, Harry slowly dragged his eyes back on him, and Louis sucked in a breath. Bracing himself for whatever was about to leave his mates mouth.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, because it killed me to see you heartbroken over him,” Harry admitted, his voice much softer than it was a few minutes ago. “I was there for you, making sure you weren't thinking about him and crying over what he did. You didn’t deserve any of that. That’s why I kiss-”

Harry words were cut off by the sliding door opening, and Zayn popping his head out and hollered, “Boys! Liam wants to play shot roulette, come on.” Louis wasn’t up to that, honestly. He’s had more than enough to drink, and he did want to crash at Zayn and Liam’s. He had work in the morning, and a hangover wasn’t something he was up for.

Then the door shut and they were alone, Harry just let out this subdued sort of laughter and shakes his head. Muttering out, “Just forget it.” and then he turns on his heels and leaves Louis standing there picking apart his words.

Everything Harry had said to him sunk into his heart, it felt like he disappointed him. It hurts, it _really_ does. He was the only person that was there for him the most when Louis was in a vulnerable state. He practically took care of Louis up until the very last night they had been together. Harry was the reason he’d gotten over Sean, and it was unfortunate that it came with a price. Not only that... But they’re supposed to tell each other everything, and Louis marveled if that had a lot to do with it.

The secrets and lies.

But, it’s not like Harry was the innocent one in all this, he made some pretty shitty decisions himself. From not telling him about Ellie whatsoever for months up until the last minute when everyone else knew, that broke him. Just ripped his heart out and not even mentioning the whole Niall knowing Harry was going to ask Ellie to move in together fiasco. So, he shouldn’t be filled with guilt over this.

But he does. Slouching down into the wicker chair and puts his face in his hands. Everything is so fucked up. It was bad enough that he has to deal with these shitty unrequited feelings that’ll never be reciprocated and then he had to deal with Sean. Who may or may not been implying more than a friendship all night trying to take Louis home with him. It’s all so frustrating and just tugging at his chest. Maybe he should go to see his family this weekend.

He’d ring his mum tomorrow morning.

The door slid open suddenly and closed, feet padding near him, and Louis dropped his hands. Niall was leaning against the railing staring at him, arms crossed, and a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Hey, Nialler.” Louis murmured, resting his arms on the armrest of the chair, curling his fingers around the edge. “You’re not mad at me too, are you?” it came out more like a light hearted joke than anything, because let's face it, he can’t deal with more criticism right now.

“I wouldn't say mad, more so surprised, but it’s not a huge deal. Kind of had a feeling at some point you’d talk with him.” Niall said, which was a relief, honestly. “As long as you want him around and he’s proven it to you that he knows what he did was wrong, then I’ll support you on whatever choice you make. “

Niall was such a good friend. Louis made a mental note to gloat about that to Donovan later.

“I want to see you happy and if that means having an ex-boyfriend around to do that, then so be it,” Niall explained, there’s a twinkle of warmth in his eyes. “Whether anyone agrees or not.”

“Thanks, Ni.” Louis felt a bit better talking with his friend, happy Niall wasn’t telling him off or lecturing him about what Sean could do. If only Harry would be like Niall… “I’m shocked you’re not joining the game with the lads, you love to drink.”

“And leave my best mate out here alone? I would never!”

Actually, Louis was sure if the man of Niall’s desires were here, he’d be abandoned in a heartbeat. Okay, that sounds so fucking terrible, but it’s true. Niall’s trying to conquer a love story that he’s been chasing for nearly three years now.

But Niall had always been there for him too.

“So, I think I might stage a breakup with John soon, I really think things are going places,” Niall spoke so excitedly, and Louis wasn’t sure whether to happy for him or worried. He wanted Niall to end up with the man of his dreams, of course, he did. “Did I tell you that Donovan touched my shoulder, we’re finally getting somewhere, Lou!”

Yes, Louis had already heard all about that _little touch_ Niall had the blessing of getting last night. It wasn’t anything really worth fussing about in Louis opinion or anyone that didn’t have a massively obsessive crush on someone. It wasn’t necessarily screaming anything more than casual, but he let Niall talk. Brag and smile over it. It brought a little bit of happiness into Louis’ heart seeing Niall be like this. Pushing away those negative emotions out of his head for a while. Of course, giving his own cheeky comments from time to time to razz Niall about his crush. But this was nice, and calmed him.

Even when they finally headed back inside to join everyone, he felt better. Also when he didn’t really have a place to sit now that Niall took his spot. Weirdly, Sean and Harry were sharing a loveseat, but far enough away from one another. Going to resort sitting on the floor, until Harry patted the spot and Louis wondered if Harry were mad thinking there would be enough room. It was a two seater for crying out loud!

Not to mention sitting between the two men that he’s had a past with…

Yet, he squeezed himself between them, nearly losing his breath when he felt Sean’s hand on his thigh. What’s even worse is the way Harry lays his arms along the edge of the couch behind his head, leaning in a little closer. Louis mind was bouncing all over the place and it ping-ponging ever harder when their fingers caressing against the little hairs on his nape.

Oh god, he’s not sure if he can take this right now.

Unsure what to do with his hands or how to really even react to the situation, just watching all his mates get sloshed. Listening to them banter, joining in whenever he didn’t feel so fucking overwhelmed. Talking with Sean whenever he wanted Louis’ attention, but Harry would always intervene. Whether it was lightly scratching at Louis’ scalp or resting his arm on Louis’ shoulder at some point and pulling him a touch closer. But Louis couldn’t help but notice the glares that were still there, the looks of stone Harry gave Sean. Even as Louis noticed Harry started to slowly become sober again, he was still acting out on it. Being overly protective of Louis.

It was nice, and at some point when Sean’s hand slid down to cup his inner thigh to rest there, Harry pushed his hand off him, and Louis couldn’t help but wonder if it’s possible that Harry was feeling a little jealous?

Pff… what the hell is Louis even thinking, of course, he wasn’t envious. Harry’s just looking out for him in the end, and it was sweet.

Later, when they finished up a second round of _Shot Roulette_ , Niall was already passed out on the floor. Liam was aiding a drunk, flirty Zayn to bed who kept wanting to kiss on him and nipping at his skin. Liam telling them they all could sleep over if they wanted, the guest room up for grabs and spare blankets and pillows in the wardrobe. It was well past midnight when Liam bidded them his goodnights before disappearing into the bedroom with his boyfriend.

So, that left Louis alone with Harry and Sean. It was awkward as fuck.

“If you’d like I can drive you home, Lou.” Sean offered, pulling on his blazer that he hadn’t worn since dinner. Louis was so glad it didn’t get ruined.

Louis glanced to Harry who was on the couch glaring at Sean and melancholy etched across his features. It twisted Louis’ insides.

“Actually I think I might stay, they don’t live too far from my flat, I can swing by there before work tomorrow.” Louis honestly just didn’t even want to be stuck in a car with those two boys, he doesn't think he could handle any more of it.

So maybe it was for the best.

The corners of Sean’s lips twitched downward as, and he seemed a little disappointed. It was a bit weird, but Louis doesn’t speak up on it. Not when he’s suddenly pulled into a tight embrace and scruff tickling his skin. Trying to suppress the little tingle in his limbs when it lingers a bit too long before Sean pulls away and pushes his fringe away, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Then the guest bedroom door slammed shut, echoing in through the quiet room, and Louis’ heart was pounding up against his chest.

“Sleep well, Lou.” Sean cooed before he left, leaving Louis behind, standing in the middle of the living room with Niall snoozing away merely a few steps away.

He needed to talk to Harry.

Louis carefully padded his way towards the guest room, opening the door and watching Jinx tail it out of there before he even has a chance to step in the room.

Harry sitting there on the bed, huffing, and running a tired hand over his face. Cursing under his breath. He was probably sobering up.

Louis wanted to lay there with him and cuddle him, make him feel better. Yet, he had a gut feeling that something was wrong. And Louis had always learned you should never go against your instincts.

“Harry-” Louis started to say, but Harry was faster, making Louis flinch when he stands to his feet.

“Do you want to get back together with him?”

And Louis was so caught off guard by that, Harry's mood swings were like night and days, it’s exhausting. One minute he’s going off the deep end about how terrible of an idea it was and the next keeping to himself. Maybe Harry needed to stay the hell away from the alcohol for a while because this was getting to be so much for Louis to handle.

Yet, before he could even deny that he wanted to be with Sean, Harry wouldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“You’re such a wonderful and amazing person that always ends up with these dickheads that never seem to care enough. It fucking sucks for the ones that would do anything for you because they actually love you.” Harry said vehemently, Louis felt frozen in place and his heart stalling. ”But they never got their chance to tell you how they feel because there's always been someone else.”

Louis just blinked, dissecting Harry’s words because they walloped him, like a ton of bricks right into his chest cavity. Speechless and wondering what to even say. How to put it into words, wanting to know what his best mate had meant by all that.

But the next thing he knows is Harry is at the wardrobe pulling out a blanket and pillow before muttering out, “I’ll take the couch.”

And then he brushed past Louis, shutting the door on his way out.


	10. IX

Louis was making a long playlist for Niall’s party while Harry and Donovan brainstormed. They had decided to get a bit of a jump start on the basics without Liam and Zayn’s help. As those lovebirds were too busy having a date night. Not that Louis _really_ needed them right now, he was pretty sure they could figure out the music part of it.

Didn't take a genius to work a radio or an iPod.

It was probably the most they could get done tonight as Louis had a train to catch soon, he was going to see his family for the weekend.

“Def Leppard and Cinderella,” Harry announced, his voice ricocheting against the walls of the quiet kitchen. “Maybe some Motley Crue?”

“We’re throwing a contemporary birthday party, not an 80’s bash, Harold. Get with the times!” Louis teased, feeling himself slowly start to smile. “Do you’ve got any other suggestions than what’s on your Itunes?’

Harry had this mischievous glint in his eyes, chuckling as if Louis told the funniest he’s ever heard. It made Louis’ heart skip a beat.

“Hey, you asked for suggestions, Lou. Don’t blame the messenger for doing his job.” Harry held his hands up in defense, it was absurd that the curly haired bastard looked cute doing so. Louis wished he could hold it against him.

“What about Alan Walker?” Donovan finally piped up, and Louis nodded. Niall always had like that dance- electronic shit. The heartthrob was definitely winning major brownie points. “Alesso?”

Louis jotted those down, biting back his grin when he slowly dragged his eyes across the table and Harry’s sitting there with a moue of disappointment, with arms crossed. Like a child that didn’t get his way.

He was enamoured with a goofball, go figure.

At least they’re having a decent time as the past week and a half had been a bit _strange_. Not like doors opening and closing by themselves, poltergeist kind of thing. They just felt out of sync, like something in the universe shifted since that night Sean had been (not so) warmly welcomed back into his social circle. They haven’t engaged in their usual banter and deep conversations. It was more small talk than anything, and Louis couldn't help but wonder if maybe Harry was still upset?

It had been days now, he’d outta realize by now that Sean wasn’t his boyfriend nor anything more than a mate. Sure, they text off and on, and had a few late night calls, but nothing more than that. Shit, Louis hadn’t even seen Sean physically since that day.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of a lie, Sean did drop off his shirt for work the day after, but it was a brief encounter. Louis was on the tail end of his lunch break.

It was just weird. But, today seemed like Harry might be over it already? He was hanging out with Louis discussing party planning stuff with Donovan. Not trying to pull away at any chance he could get.

But you know, those things Harry told had him about always having someone, he wasn’t wrong. Well, the past Louis did. Never ending cycle of failed relationships and flings. First dates that never made it to a second. He’d always had a boyfriend, never single. Never alone. Louis blamed it on his careless young heart back in the day for falling fast and hard for any guy that took an interest in him. Good or bad. But it’s been three years of spending his time without anyone, so he didn’t get it.

And he wished he could ask Harry about what he’d meant. _But they never got their chance to tell you how they felt because there always had been someone else._

It was just putting more strain on Louis’ tired heart.

“Skrillex?” Harry inquired.

Louis wrote that down; Niall surely loved himself some Sonny Moore. Louis’ ghost of his emo-teenage phase did too. _From First To Last_ was nostalgic and it was tragic none of his mates had appreciated his impeccable tastes back in the day. Louis tried to _convert_ them from their hodgepodge of hair metal and electronica.

But on the bright side, they’ve never had a mundane playlist to listen to whenever they hung out.

“And Krewella? I think I remember him mentioning something about them once.” Donovan sounded unsure of himself, but Louis took it. Anything the musclebound heartthrob suggested would be a show stopper for sure if Niall had any knowledge about it.

“I think I’m all out of ideas on this one, Lou.” Harry sighed, carding his fingers through his curls.

“Yeah, me too.” Donovan agreed with a little nod.

Louis skimmed over his small, so very tiny of a list. They had about four artists so far, which was a few short of a good mix. Maybe Louis will look into doing some research when he’s in his bed at his mum’ later.

“I suppose it’s good for now, I mean at least we’ve got a start.” Louis put the pen down and slouching back into his spot, stretching out legs a little. They felt a bit stiff. “Watch Niall not even show up to his own party when the time comes, already off on the plane.”

“Are you trying to jinx us?” Harry quipped, his lips curled into a smile. Tucking a little bit of his hair behind his ear that had grown a bit longer than it had been in years. He was so cute. So. Fucking. Adorable. Louis had to restrain himself from going off into la-la land and starts daydreaming about tangling his fingers in those decadent, untidy curls.

It’s definitely not the best timing.

“Well, I mean it’s a possibility, Harold. We’ve got to consider our options, don’t we?” Louis already knew how he’d get Niall to stay, but the banter with Harry was something he loved. And, so what if he flirted a little? It did no harm, right?

Not like Harry had ever mentioned anything about it, not since Louis started to have feelings for him. Besides it’s not like he’s touching him or handing out compliments left and right. It’s the only way Louis could have a glimpse of him right at his fingertips. Even if he can’t touch him or be with him, this was okay.

It was better than nothing.

“If anything he’ll have a grand surprise when he gets back, so either way it’s a win-win, boys.”

“I mean you're not wrong, either way, he’d be getting a party.” Donovan's voice flew across the table. “Who knows, I could always convince him to stay by hanging out with me.

Niall had fucking amazing taste in men. Who knew Donovan had the best idea there ever was?

Of course, Niall would give up seeing his family to spend his day with the hunky barman. He’d be nuts. Louis wanted to slap a kiss on the guy’s cheek and make it a date, throwing out his idea of taking Niall out for drinks. Niall would surely freak the hell out, and Louis couldn’t wait to see the smile on his mate face and the offer (or more so forced) to help with his ensemble.

It was going to be a good week, Louis had the feeling tingling in his bones.

“That’s not a bad idea.” Harry reckoned, his eyes on Donovan but for a second he gave Louis a passing glance. “Maybe you could take him somewhere nice?”

“He likes films too. A real movie buff, if you ask me.” Okay so maybe Louis was playing up the whole film fanatic thing, but he’d do anything to help his friends out. Harry seemed on board with this _idea_. “Rom-coms and comedies will _definitely_ grab his interest.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Louis gave a knowing look to Harry, trying his damn hardest not to bust out into a grin. They better get an award for this because Niall’s getting a big party and to top it off, spending a _whole day_ with his crush. You can’t seriously get it any better than that!

“Just tell me when and I’ll make it a date.” Donovan said effortlessly, like he’d been waiting for this moment to have the chance. It gave Louis some hope that maybe there’s a slight, very _slim_ chance it isn’t so one sided after all.

It was hard to tell though, he’d have to get to know Donovan a little better, after all this was their first official party planning meet up. Probably would’ve gone better if the lovebirds were here, but they’ve got months. Weeks to make it absolutely perfect.

And who knew… possibly one day he could ask Donovan what he thought of Niall.

Maybe. Hopefully so. 

But right now, Louis couldn’t think so far ahead of himself, he had bigger fish to fry: like making sure he gets to the damn train station on time and not feel guilty about arriving so late in the night. It’d be almost midnight when he gets there, and his mum was such a wonderful soul, telling him she’d be waiting for him before she heads to bed. Making sure he made it all in one piece and had a plate of warm food, it’s always something Jay had always done.

After all, he was her only child that had left home, so of course, she had worries, even as Louis grew into a responsible adult over time. It’s just how she was. He was sure when Lottie decides to up and leave any day now, she’ll try to talk her into living near Louis at least. But, his sister was nineteen years old. About to be twenty in a few months, working on a psychology degree.

Then next comes Fizzy and Louis wonders how his mum will do once she’s all alone. But that’s a thought for another time.

“But I think I’m gonna head out, ‘ve got head to the gym before I tucker down for the night,” Donovan mentioned, pushing out his chair and pulling up to his feet. “Text me when there’s another meeting, and I’ll be sure to come.”

Louis really didn’t understand how anyone could be up to working out before bed. It’s madness! Absurd! Even the ones waking up at dawn to go for a morning run before breakfast.

Harry, Liam, and Donovan were surely out of their heads. Louis’ shocked they haven’t made a club that meets every Friday for leg day. Where Louis could sit on the sidelines and admire the hard work. Harry dripping in sweat and glistening on his skin, silently wishing for his shirt to come off. Okay, so maybe Niall and Zayn would be there too, wanting the same thing. But it’s a nice thought, though.

And surely something he needed to push back into the dark depth of his brain until he’s alone.

Donovan gave them a parting wave and headed out of the kitchen, the sound of a door closing moments later. Leaving Louis and Harry alone in the quietness of the flat, and Louis hoped things wouldn’t be weird up until he left.

“Niall’s going to have a meltdown, you know?” Harry broke the silence lingering in the air, getting to his feet and veering towards the cupboards. Louis did _not_ spare a glance at his bum in those tight black trousers, god no.

“Yeah, but he’ll be kissing our feet for days and finally getting that fairy tale he’s been dreaming of since Don showed up.” Louis wanted Donovan and Niall to get together, they’d make a cute couple.

Niall hadn’t had a proper boyfriend in what? Eight years? He should at least have one that wasn’t fleeting and last more than a couple weeks to three months out of the year. Louis wanted Niall to have someone that’d want to stick by his side forever and always. He had hopes that possibly Donovan could be the one to put the short relationships to bed.

But, one thing’s for sure, no matter what happens he’d be there to make sure everything was alright.

“He’ll be a nervous wreck, Lou.” Harry threw over his shoulder, still preoccupied with grabbing a glass from the cupboard and putting it under the tap. “Let's just hope he’s not expecting a first kiss that may not happen, Niall’s heart would be crushed.”

Louis knew that his mate would probably be expecting a smooch from the fit bartender at the end when he drops Niall off at the door. Like one of the cheesy cliche rom-com films, he’s watched one too many times, only to be disappointed when said person leans in for a hug before they’re gone. Mixed signals and everything.

He was going to make it his mission to make sure that doesn't happen. Because that'd totally ruin not only the atmosphere and underlying reason of the party, but Niall’s mood. Devastated and heartbroken.

And he couldn’t have that happen.

“That’s why I’m going to make sure that doesn't happen.” Louis wasn’t sure how he was going to do it yet, but he had a while to have a deep dive into Donovan’s mind. “After all, Niall thinks I’m this love guru that can land any guy with my charms.”

It still made him cringe on the inside.

Harry chuckled, popping back down in his spot with a glass of water, and bringing it to his lips.

After setting his cup down, Harry put in: “I mean, you’ve always have had at least a handful of guys fawning over you, even the one who claimed to be so _straight_.” Harry did the air quotations with his fingers, and Louis busted out into a giggle.

He remembered that guy, he was on the footy team back when they were in the school in the last couple of years of it. Niall was so adamant on Louis hanging around Morgan because of his stupidly obsessive crush on the captain of the team. Thinking in some magical way, they’d help get to be a couple. But Louis wasn’t going to lie, he thought Morgan was fit and maybe had a small infatuation with him, but it was nothing more than a playful flirtship.No matter how much Louis wanted to have an epic romance with him, it was a lost cause.

Morgan got a girlfriend eventually, and Louis had met Aaron.

“Niall was so sad when Morgan stopped hanging around me, even though he still dragged me to those stupid games.”

Harry smirked, “At least this time he’s not making us befriend his crush and their mates to have an excuse to be near him.”

Louis scoffed. “Speak for yourself, Harold.” Louis did not go to the pub to be practically _forced_ to strike a conversation with the man because Niall wanted his attention. But, he’s not complaining, he was actually glad he went.

Harry took another sip of his water, and there’s a ghost of a smile dancing on his lips. Dropping his elbow on the table and cradling his cheek with his hand. Staring at Louis openly and it should be so fucking illegal to look so winsome at something so simple. From his dimple to his kissable lips, it so _annoying_.

So _irritating_ that Louis couldn’t smother him with a kiss and just sat here and pine for him.

“What time does your train leave again?” Harry asked, changing the subject finally, thank god. He needed a break from Niall’s love story.

“Uh, 22.00” Louis pulled out his phone to check the time, nearly having a heart attack when he sees the time.

His train would be leaving in three minutes!

There was no way, positively no _fucking_ way that he’d make there in time.

How could he be so irresponsible? His mum and sisters were expecting him, he had his bag packed and everything sitting on the sofa. Great, now he had to wait till morning to catch the early train. So much for having one day where he didn’t have to worry about traveling and spending it with his family, he rarely sees.

He should’ve kept track of time.

Ugh, his mum was gonna be so disappointed he wasn’t coming tonight.

“Shit.” Louis muttered under his breath, running his hand over his face. Letting out a heavy sigh, as much as he loved to be around Harry and any chance that he could get, but he misses the girls and Johannah. It just really puts a damper on his mood.

“What’s the matter, Lou?”

“My train leaves any minute now, and I really don’t feel up to making a call to mum telling her I won’t make it,” Louis said woefully, he never liked to disappoint her. Or his sisters either. “I’ll have to leave bright and early.”

“You do know I could always drive you, I’ve got nothing better to do.” Harry proposed like it was no big deal going way out of his way to do that for him. Spending _his_ own hard earned money on petrol and only to come back home to an empty flat. In a sense it made Louis feel a smidge guilty.

“You don’t have to that for me, I can just go tomorrow. Maybe for once, I’ll actually try to be a morning person that doesn’t hate the world.” Louis chuckled lightheartedly. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he was sure Harry wouldn’t be the only one offering to drive him, Sean probably would too if he knew about it.

“It’s not a massive deal, I really don’t mind.” Harry was already on his feet, pushing in his chair, and grabbing his car keys from the little basket on top of the microwave. “Besides do you really want to be crammed into an uncomfortable seat for a few hours because you’re too stubborn to let me take you? “

“You won’t get back until late, don’t you’ve got work tomorrow?”

Harry shook his head, “Got the day off actually and you know, I could always crash at Gemma’s if I get too tired.”

He was making this difficult, wasn’t he?

It’s not that Louis didn’t want to be stuck in a small cabin on the motorway with Harry, because that’s a whole lot of alone time with him, and he’d never pass that up. It’s just he knows this was his fault and Harry didn’t need to do anything.

But he wanted to.

“I don’t know how I’ll make it up to you, but since you’re offering, I guess that means I’m in charge of the radio, sorry love.” Louis teased, getting to his feet and sashaying past Harry out to the living room to grab his bag.

Wondering if Harry had gotten a good look at his ass.

By the time there's an hour into their ride to Doncaster, bobbing their heads to the softness of the background music filling the cabin, Louis was content. Already had called his mum telling her he’d be there soon. The girls were out with their friends for the rest of the night, and she’d mentioned something about having two warm plates of beans on toast waiting for them. And yeah, Louis did mention that was Harry was with him, well more so just dropping him off.

But Harry knew that meant he’d at least have to stay for a quick bite to eat, it’s always been the unspoken rule.

At some point Harry had lowered the radio and Louis glanced at him, arms folded against his waist. Rain droplets were starting to pelt against the windscreen, and Louis wondered what was on his mind.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about something,” Harry started to say, giving Louis a passing glance before his eyes were back on the motorway. “When did you, like, want to go on that road trip?”

Honestly? Louis had to push it to the back of his mind, that silly little bet they made, where he had to go on a journey across the country with his best mate. He was waiting for the moment Harry brought it up, in case he wasn’t super serious about it and forgotten. But, it seems like they really are going to be spending a whole day or two alone… and he couldn't wait for that.

Louis pondered for a moment, scratching at his scruffy cheek. If it were Louis’ choice, they’d go tomorrow morning and don’t return until Monday evening. But he remembers Harry saying something about August, and that’s so far away. So apparently a spontaneous driving holiday was out of the question.

“I’m up for anything, Harold,” Louis spoke honestly, because he was happy with whatever he got. “As long as this isn’t some trick you in getting me to go camping with you, I’ll be happy. Or else I’ll raise hell the whole time.”

Harry tittered, flickering his gaze back on Louis for a moment, “My bet, my rules.”

Louis gasped, knitting his brows together. “Excuse me? Are you implying that’s what you’ve gotten planned?” Louis eyed him suspiciously, he was definitely not the camping type of guy, he preferred an actual bed rather than the hard ground that’ll wreak havoc on his back, thank you very much.

Harry had this smirk building on his lips and his nose scrunching. It’s sickeningly adorable.

“I swear to god if I have aches in pains come morning, I’ll never go on a trip again with you.” It was an empty threat with hints of playful undertones. He’d follow Harry anywhere.

“Relax, Lou.” Harry cooed, and suddenly there ’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing ever so lightly. It was brief and yet, it made Louis crave more. For the hand to find its way to his thigh and rest it there, Louis really wanted that. So bad. “We’ll be staying at a hotel, princess.”

And then the touch was gone and wrapped around the steering wheel. Louis never felt more jealous of an inanimate object in his life, fucking envious of a steering wheel being touched by the man he loves. Louis needed to get his head out of his arse.

“But how about August 17th, then?” Harry inquired and Louis could get on board with that. Any date Harry suggested, he would be. Just had to make sure he’d save up as much as possibly could.

“Sounds good to me, H.” Louis murmured, his eyes back on the road for a moment, watching them whizz past cars and overhead signs that lit up whenever they got ready to pass them. Raindrops sliding down the window pane, only to be wiped away seconds later. The sound of the evening sprinkle was soothing to his ears. “Where exactly are we going anyway?”

“Plymouth and then Cambridge.”

So it looked like packing one pair of clothes was out of the question.

“As long as we don’t get lost then I’m on board.” Louis quipped, feeling slightly proud of himself when his mate stares at him for a moment.

“Hey.” Harry frowned, not liking what Louis had to say. It was kind of endearing.

Louis just felt so fucking proud of himself and slouched back into his seat, already off dreaming in his mind about their excursion when the volume to the radio turned back up. OneRepublic's: _If I Lose Myself_ emitting from the speakers and he had a smile on his lips.

He couldn’t wait for August.

When Harry eventually pulled into the driveway outside Jay’s house, Louis was already undoing his belt. Part of him was anxious to get out and stretch his legs. Yet, he didn’t want Harry to go. He wanted him to stay with him and keep him here. Spend time with his family and pretend for a moment that Harry was his. That they were more than friends.

But Louis knew that’s nothing more than a fantasy.

They ended up heading inside, Harry being a _sweet_ gentleman carried his holdall for him, Louis wanted to smack a kiss on his cheek for it. But refrained when they were soon greeted by Jay who gave them a warm smile and tight hugs.

“So glad you boy’s finally made it.” Jay beamed, pulling away from Harry's embrace. “Thank you, Harry, for bringing him.”

“It’s no problem mum.” Harry had always called Jay his second mother, thus the nickname. Niall did too. It’s just what they did, and Louis did the same with Anne. Neither of the older women seemed to have minded, they were like sisters anyway. “How’ve you been?”

Louis says nothing, standing there, as Jay and Harry talked. Wondering how long Harry would linger around before he heads off back to Liverpool. Maybe they could hang out for a while. Go out to the old tree house in the back garden and squeeze themselves in there. Reminiscing about the past while nearly cuddled up together with a warm blanket. The Christmas lights illuminating the small space and talking about the future.

It’s been years since they done that and Louis longed for it.

“But, since you’re here I was thinking maybe you could stay for the night, it’s awfully late, and I can’t have you out there running the roads. Anne would have my head.” Jay insisted, and Louis loved his mum more than ever in this moment. “You’ve always gotten a bed here.”

“I don’t wanna impose-”

Jay waved him off, signaling for him to stop and listen. And he did.

“ Nonsense, you’re more than welcome to stay. I rather make sure you don’t fall asleep at the wheel and cause a serious accident..”

It’s one thing about Jay, she’s attentive and a natural born nurturer. So, of course, she’d have everyone's best interest at heart, she was like that with anyone welcomed into her life. Louis had always appreciated that about his mother.

“I mean if Louis doesn’t mind..”Harry gaze fell upon Louis, his eyes had a glint of hopefulness that made Louis’ heart start beating up against his chest.

“I don’t.” It came out softer than intended, but he felt elated. Harry wasn’t going anywhere, he would be there when Louis wakes up in the morning. He couldn't have asked for more.

So maybe it was a blessing in disguise that Harry drove him home.

“Wonderful! I’m sure the girls will be excited to see you in the morning,” Jay said pleasantly. If only his mum knew his sisters wouldn’t be the only peppy ones. “But I don’t want to keep you boys, so make sure to have a bite to eat before bed.”

“Of course, mum.” Louis murmured, in truth, he wasn’t very hungry, his stomach was a jittery mess. Yet, his mother made them up plates, and it’d be rude not to at least have a few bites. “Promise we won't be too loud.”

Jay looked seemingly pleased with that and told Louis to make sure to let Harry borrow some pyjamas and let him use his bed. The typical spiel she gave to any of her children whenever they had a guest over that was lacking the nightly essentials, and it was just the polite thing to do. Louis didn’t have to be told twice though, he already knew he’d be sleeping on the floor.

One thing's for sure, Harry would look amazing in his clothes. Snug in all the right places and that was a pretty damn good visual.

After they said their goodnights, they popped into the kitchen and scarfed down most of their food. Talked more about their road trip, mentioning something about a budget and itinerary. Then booking in advance for a cheaper rate and limiting the use of cell phones, laptops, and tablets. Only using them in emergencies because let's face it: neither of them would go up to someone's house and ask to use their phone because they were lost. But you know what? None of those distractions meant spending more time enjoying each other. Actually having to communicate even more to keep from getting bored. Not being interrupted and all the attention on each other. Bonding and getting back everything they missed out on for the past two years.

And he couldn’t wait for that.

When they cleaned their messes up and turned off the lights, they headed off to Louis’ room. Shutting the door behind them and Harry already helping himself to the wardrobe (Louis’ didn't care, that boy could wear whatever his heart desired) and Louis had to refrain himself from staring too much as he set up a little spot on the floor, leaving Harry with a pillow and a thick blanket.

Louis had to restrain himself from staring too much when Harry slipped off his shirt at one point, because his back muscles were mind numbing.

Then the trousers came next, and Louis was going to have cardiac arrest, this should be banned. Illegal. Criminal. Those tight… so delectably _tight_ black boxers were just too much for Louis he had to make himself focus on other things before a major problem happens, like plugging his phone on the charger and putting his weekend bag beside his desk. Nearly whimpering at the sight when he turns around, and there’s Harry squeezed into his old pair of grey joggers that really did not do justice for Louis’ mind right now. Nor the fact when he closes the drawer to his wardrobe and Harry thought it was okay to look like _that_.

Fuck, why couldn’t he put a damn shirt on? Why was he so fucking _hot_? 

Fucking hell, why did Harry have to have a kissable body that had a great arse and a big dick? He may not have washboard abs and bulging muscles, but his body was the epitome of sexiness.

And it was tragic he missed out on drooling over it before the whole friends with benefits mess.

“Are you sure you don’t want your bed, Lou?” Harry asked, ruffling his fingers through his curls. His stupid bicep flexing menacingly “I don’t mind taking the floor.”

“It’s fine, Harold. It’s not like I gonna wake up with aches and pains, how old you think I am?” Louis chuckled, shaking his head. Slouching down onto his pile of blankets and sheets, averting his gaze to resituate his pillow before he lays down. He definitely didn't need to be eye level with his best mates groin right now, last time that happened he was on his knees, sore, and yet desperate to please his mate.

And now was definitely not the time to be thinking about that.

Harry tittered, and Louis heart definitely was _not_ swelling up. Nor was he trying to fight his oncoming smile when he moves to lay back, pulling the blankets up enough to shield him from night chill. All the while his eyes were on Harry who was just standing there looking at him with this fondness etched across his features before he flipped the light off. No longer being able to see him, but Louis could hear weight dipping onto the mattress and blankets ruffling.

He felt so far away, like they were miles apart and yet, they were so close. Louis could hear the yawn falling from his mates lips and the little scratch against his skin with his fingertips. Jostling around to get comfortable for a few minutes before he lets out a soft sigh.

Louis wondered if his sheets would smell like him when he’s gone.

“Night, Lou.” Harry said tiredly, he was probably exhausted from the long day he had. Waking up at the break of dawn to run with Liam and then busting his ass working, only to head to the gym after for an hour. Then spending time party planning with Louis and Donovan for a while.

Louis, on the other hand, was wide awake, and he had a feeling he’d be counting sheep for a while.

And the longer he laid here, the more he yearned to crawl into his small bed. Nuzzle up against the beautiful boy and be in his arms until morning.

Harry was like a beacon of heat and from his own experiences, his cuddles always made him feel safe. Warm and calming. Even way before Louis started to have feelings for him, Harry had always liked to snuggle him ever since Louis was a rebellious teenager. It’s a norm for them, and it always had been even when Harry had a girlfriend.

So, would it be so bad to go slip into the empty spot beside him? It would be a snug fit, but Louis wanted to be near him. Harry wouldn’t push him away, he don’t think. He never had before.

Louis let out a breath and curled his fingers into his blanket, having a battle in his head. If he goes up there, he’d get everything he wanted there beside him. But the thing is, Louis was hesitant on the fact that his bed was only meant for one and they’d be so close. _So_ fucking pushed together, he would feel all of him. Every single inch of his body, velvety smooth skin, and hard muscle. His fruity scent lingering off him and an arm around his waist.

It’s not a bad thing, but it’s worrisome. Because Louis knows that he would want more. Kisses and fingers wandering along his body. Being pulled impossibly close and sweet nothings whispered into his ear.

He wanted Harry to be his boyfriend, so he could have all that with him without the mask of it all being platonic.

Louis lays there for a minute longer before he decided to say fuck it. If Harry normally was the one to initiate it, so can he. Not even sparing a second carefully getting to his feet so he wouldn't be all tangled up. Softly padded toward his bed and reached down to feel the mattress to see if there would be room, only to be met with warm skin under his palm. Heat coloring Louis’ cheeks at the slight embarrassment. About to pull his hand away and burrow under his blankets to hide and scold himself for being too confident. Yet, he felt a hand on his, and he was already breathless.

“Lay with me.” Harry cooed out, Louis’ hand was let go, and blankets were shuffling, sounds of a body scooting and his own heart hammering up against his chest.

Sliding down into what little space was there for him and his lips curving into a smile when he moves to lay against him. Spooning because it was the only way they could share the bed. A warm blanket pulled over them and a hand on the side of his waist pulling him close. His face nuzzled against the back of Louis’ neck, and he felt at ease.

Happy that he could have this.

Sleep was starting hit him after a while and the room starting to feel cold against his cheeks. Wanting to nuzzle closer to the body behind him. Scooting back as much as he could into him and fingers digging into him.

Nearly gasping when he felt something against his bum.

Swallowing thickly at the way Harry lets out this low groan. Louis bites down on his lip to suppress any sort of mewl wanting to escape at the hard cock pressed against him.

Louis wasn’t going to be ignorant about it, he knew what _that_ was. It’s not his first rodeo.

It would be a lie to say it didn’t affect him because it does, he wanted to play pretend and forget he had a fattened up dick against his bum. But no, his mind was slowly going into a haze and couldn’t stop thinking about what’s concealed under those incredibly tight joggers.

Louis was definitely awake now.

So what if he _maybe_ pressed his bum back into Harry’s lap a little more? Harry didn’t say anything about it, in fact, Louis felt a little the hardness up against his arse even more.

And Louis couldn’t help himself, slightly rubbing his bum against it. His own cock hardening and tingling, pressing against the fabric of his pants. Heart just racing and his boxers damp against the head of his prick. Louis mind slowly being consumed by all the things it shouldn’t. Sex.

Harry ripping his clothes off and having his way with him. Leaving kiss mark all over his body, claiming what’s his. Nipping and licking every inch of him. Pressing him down into sweaty sheets and fucking him like he used to.

Louis was _so damn_ aroused.

God, help him…

And the next thing he knows, Harry snaps his hips even closer. A breathy whimper falls from Louis' lips at the feeling.

In a sense, Louis wanted Harry to push his hand into his joggers and feel him, grab his bum and give it a little squeeze. To feel all of himself in his mates hands, fingers digging into his flesh. Decorating his neck with dark colored marks and whispering filthy things to him. Making a promise to wreck him in the most divine way.

It made Louis’ cock throb at the thought.

“Baby” Harry moaned softly, rocking his hips against Louis steadily, his warm breath fanning against the back of his neck. It was intoxicating.

Louis skin prickled and his insides were crackling when he arches back into his love, wanting more. His toes curling when he thinks of the way Harry’s erection looked sliding against him. Flushed pink and oozing pre-come, begging to be free and touched. Louis was fucking gagging for it. To wrap his lips around it and taste every last bit of him.

He wanted Harry _so_ bad.

A whimper escaped Louis’ lip’s at some point when he started to have thoughts of melting against Harry’s tongue. The distant memory of the times when his friend would eat him out. Going limp and sputtering out moans that were begging for more.

Fucking hell, Louis _needed_ Harry. Ached for him.

But then it all comes to a halt when light filters through the bottom crack of Louis’ bedroom door and the sound of his sisters giggling. Heavy breathing in his ear and the hand that was once on his waist was now sliding down his arms, until it got to his. Interlacing their fingers together and ever so gentle brushing of lips against his shoulder.

Louis’ stomach felt like a fluttery mess when he feels a gentle caress with the thumb from the hand on his. It almost brings tears to his eyes as he watched the light soon replace with darkness once the sounds of his sisters' bedroom doors close, feeling embarrassed with himself. He rubbed against Harry in a sexual way, there’s simply no way he would downplay any of that.

He was scared that he freaked his love out.

But the thing is… Harry reciprocated, and that was just confusing in itself.

Louis’ arousal slowly faded away, and his mind stuck on the fact Harry was holding his hand. Giving him a little squeeze as their breathing evened out and he wasn't letting go. Just letting Louis have him as his thumb gently caressed against his skin.

It was making Louis’ heart swell in his chest.

He pushed their hands closer to his heart and fluttered his eyes closed hoping maybe this meant something good.

And they lay like that for a while until they were lulled them to sleep.

Come morning, Louis woke up slowly, blinking the tiredness from his eyes, and his lips stretched into a tired smile when he realizes he still had the warm body beside him. Happy Harry was still here and hadn’t abandoned him for a morning shower. Louis liked this. No he _loved_ this.

He dreamed of having this every morning, and it was nice to actually for once have it come true. Even if this was the only time he’ll ever get to bask in it, at least he got to have him for a little while.

Louis was about to nuzzle back into the warmth and try to get a little more rest, well that was until his bedroom door flung open and in come Jay with her hair tucked into a bun. Louis shot up in horror because he knows this looks bad.

It looks so fucking _bad_ …

As far as his mum knew, they’ve never shared a bed, never kissed, and never crossed physical boundaries a best mate should.

He was about to stumble out of bed until Jay gave him a sheepish look and he could see her eyes had drifted to shirtless sleepy boy next to him for a moment before they snapped back to him, and said, “Breakfast is ready if you’re hungry, sweetheart.” and then she closed the door behind her.

_Shit._

Louis flopped back down into his spot and pulled the blanket over his face, letting out a heavy sigh. There’s really no way to explain this to his mum, like she obviously would suspect something, right?

They’ve always been quite affectionate toward one another which was normal in Jay's eyes, he thinks. But the only times he actually shared his small bed with anyone was the person he was dating.

_Oh god_ … his mum doesn’t think they’re dating, does she?

What if she tells the girls or what if she goes to Anne about what her eyes witnessed? _Fuck_. What if she asks them-

There’s a hand on his waist and groggy voice, asking: “You okay?”

No, absolutely not! Louis was not about to tell Harry what was currently going through his brain. No need to bring it up and make things weird. It’s bad enough they had to go out there, and Louis feel like they’re being watched closely.

Who knows, maybe he’s over thinking it all, and she won’t even mention it.

Maybe. Hopefully so.

“Ehm, didn’t sleep too good.” Louis lied easily, lower the blanket from his face and letting out a breath as he flips around, suddenly remembering that they were literally pressed up close. Their lips merely inches apart and felt like all the air in his lungs had dissolved.

Harry’s green eyes searched his face for a moment, and then he’s pushing Louis’ fringe out of his eyes. The light that strikes his face that filters through the blind is soft. He looked gorgeous. Just staring at him blankly, and thinks for a moment if he should reach out and touch him. Feel even closer to him.

Wonders if he tells Harry how he feels that he wouldn’t run for the hills.

“What's on your mind?” Harry finally murmurs, slipping his arm around Louis' waist from above the blanket. Making Louis’ want to cuddle into him and not let this moment pass on by.

Louis’ swallowed hard, trying to come up with something and quick. There’s no fucking way he’s going to confess anything laying here.

Not before Harry ends up leaving him again.

“I just-” Louis cuts himself off mid-sentence, unsure how to tell Harry he wanted him to stay. To spend the weekend with him and that they could do this again. The sharing of the bed thing. It could be theirs if he wanted it. Where he could hold Louis’ hand like it meant something and just bring some light into his heart. Yet, he can’t even ask for something so simple.

Harry had this warm glow in his eyes as he openly stared at him and there's a shadow of a smile dancing on his lips.

It shouldn’t be hard to tell your mate, your _best friend_ that you’ve known since forever that you need them. When you want to be all they need. That you feel so ashamed for wanting them and hope that they forgive you. It’s devastating.

Because no matter what, Louis knows he would never have enough courage to spill his feelings. Rejection would be a lot harder than one sided feelings that were kept secret.

And he can’t do that to himself.

“It’s not that important, H.” Louis breathed out, staying there for a moment longer before he finally pulled away from his touch. Getting up and padding towards his weekend bag, feeling a heavy gaze following him across the room. It made him feel quite nervous.

Harry lets out this sort of yawn and blankets is ruffling when Louis slinks down to his knees, zipping it open.

Then arms are sliding around his shoulders and face nuzzled against his cheek. Curls tickling at his skin, not moving a muscle and biting back his smile. The there’s a husky voice in his ear cooing, “Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”

Louis wished that had also meant he’d stand by his side no matter what.

Then there’s soft lips against his cheek, and then the arms were gone like that, the sound of the drawers to his wardrobe opening in the background. Louis goes back to finding something to wear while his heart is fluttering in his chest.

Harry’s so sweet to him.

When they both emerged from the bedroom to head off to the kitchen for breakfast five minutes later, they were greeted by delicious warm food on the table. Lottie and Fizzy busy chatting away about their mutual friend Célen, who had just found out she’s with child and the father is a mystery. Playing the guessing game pretty much, well that was until they started to bother Harry with many questions. Overly excited to see him and getting out of their seat to go hug on him, Louis thought it was pretty endearing to watch.

But it’s when his mum finally emerges from the kitchen and joins them, Louis can’t help but notice the look in her eye. Curiosity. It was like she wants to know what’s going on and he doesn’t blame her. She walked in on them sharing a bed and Harry was topless, he gets it. He knows she’s probably itching to know if something was going on that Louis wasn’t telling her.

Yet, Jay doesn’t say anything about it when she tells everyone to eat up and asking Harry how’s life treating him.

“You know, working more hours at the vet hospital, the usual,” Harry chuckled, popping a piece of egg in his mouth. “Just glad I quit waiting tables ages ago, or else I’d be in a permanent bad mood all the time.”

“Well, it’s your own fault for wanting to serve the public in the first place, Harold.” Louis pointed out like the little shit he is, smirking. Biting off a piece of his toast and swallowing it down with orange juice.

“You literally work in a coffeehouse, Louis.” Lottie retorted, shaking her head, then glanced down to the phone in her hand for a moment before she snapped her gaze back on him. “I still think you should come back home and work as a custodian at uni instead.”

Right. His sister had brought on more than one occasion he should think about possibly having a career change and moving back. Mentioning she missed her older brother and how they used to hangout along with Fizzy before he left. Given, they never did anything too extravagant, but ever since Louis had gotten his drivers license he was allowed to borrow his mum’s car when it wasn’t occupied, and they had no other plans, he always took them out. Whether it was to the mall or going somewhere cheap to eat greasy food. It was always nice, their mum had always loved how close the three of them were.

And yeah, he had thought of coming back a while ago, but there was no need to share that.

“Eh… I’m not really too keen on that idea, Lot’s, sorry.”

“I second that, I can’t imagine Lou cleaning up after anyone, let alone himself.” Harry quipped. Louis kicked him in the shin gently, not appreciating that at all, and snickered about it Harry let out a small yelp.

Harry pouted at him, and Louis' heart was fucking swooning when his mate returns the favor. It was all in good fun.

“But we barely see you anymore,” Fizzy added, like it was the worst thing in the world that Louis had an actual life to live in another city.”We have no idea if you’re even seeing any cute boys anymore.”

Give it up to one of his sisters to bring it up; his dating life.

Louis says nothing and takes another bite of his eggs, he absolutely, _positively_ did not want to talk about this. He knows his sisters are curious and wanting to know if he had his eye on someone, but they didn’t need to be sucked into that drama. Nor did anyone at this table for christ sake, this was his own battle. He’d be damned if anything got revealed right now when the person is right across from him.

“I don’t want you to get upset but, Are you back with Sean? Because he followed me on Instagram the other night and-” Lottie started to ask carefully, but Jay spoke over her.

“Lottie, stop bothering your brother and eat.”

Louis shared a look with his mum for a moment who had a given him a little bit of a knowing smile before she concealed it was her cup of coffee. His mother was the best, she really was, and he couldn’t thank her enough for being such a wonderful parent to him through the years.

And maybe as he sat here through the rest of breakfast, he had been contemplating on something massive. Something he’s been too terrified to even entertain the thought of for even a millisecond. He’s not sure how he’s going to go about it once Harry leaves, but he’s going to do it by the end of his stay. He needed to do this.

After they helped Jay clean up the table, they headed back into Louis’ room so Harry could grab his keys and make sure Louis had everything he needed. Not alone for long when the girls come barging into Louis’ room unannounced and give their hugs goodbye. Telling Harry to come more often even if Louis’ not here because they miss him. Harry had mentioned that maybe someday they could all go on a holiday together next year or something, everyone would be there. The girls, Gemma, Harry, Louis, and their mothers. Just a nice break away from reality.

Which sounded very nice, but the chance of that happening were slim to none. They all had weird timetables, to begin with, and if they could all agree on a destination. Not only that, but their mums would have to be on board too.

But who's to say these plans will even happen in the first place?

Louis just stood on the sidelines and let the girls have their moment with that beautiful boy, say their farewells one last time. Eventually vacating the room and Harry asking him to walk him out.

Not without stopping by the kitchen and Harry telling Jay he’d see her soon and gave her a little wave. Johannah told him to tell Anne she said hi and Harry just smiles, giving her a nod before he turned on his heels and made his way out, Louis slowly trailing behind.

Louis wanted Harry to stay, to not hop in his car and head off back to Liverpool where he’s not. To be further apart for a few days and not hear his voice. To not have him near or being cuddled when his best mate is seeking affection. They’ve been apart before plenty of times, but it was always hard for Louis because he missed him.

Even when they were just friends, he felt a slight longing to be around him. Platonic or not, he liked his company. 

Yet, Louis finds himself standing outside beside Harry’s car, staring up at his mate whose merely inches apart. Staring at him with a twinkle of warmth in his eyes and his heart beat inexplicably increases. It's relatively quiet other than the birds chirping in the trees and the faint sound of a lawnmower as it chokes to life.

“So, I suppose I should head out,” Harry said lightly, kicking the little pebbles on the pavement with his boot. Flicking his gaze down for a moment before he met Louis’ eyes, staring at him openly.

Both of them stood there for a moment, quiet and still. Almost as if they were waiting for someone to take the lead to say goodbye and yet, unsure of what to do. It made Louis’ top start to feel tight and itchy, and suddenly suffocated.

He couldn’t take it, so he started to open his mouth but then the distance closed between them. Louis couldn’t breathe when he was pulled into a hug, no space between them, body to body. Harry was squeezing him tight as Louis managed to wrap his arms around him too. Fluttering his eyes closed and pressing his smile into his shoulder. Louis wanted to melt into his touch and stay here forever.

It lingered for a few seconds, and Louis’ heart swelled when he felt a gentle press of a kiss on his neck before Harry slowly pushed away. Heat inching to his cheeks when he looks his mate in the eyes and the sweet kiss still burning on his skin. Wanting to reach up and touch where he was kissed, to feel it, engrave it into his mind because it’s been far too long.

Harry just rubs the back of his neck and give him one last dimpling smile before he turns on his heels and about to reach for his door until Louis spoke up.

“Thank you for being here with me.”

Harry looked over his shoulder back at Louis for a moment, as if he were about to say something, but ends up getting into his car, and Louis watched his leave. Disappearing down the desolate street and his own heart begging to chase after him.

Eventually pulling himself from his spot and headed back inside with a smile on his face.

The rest of his day is spent lounging around with his sisters and giving them the best possible advice about their boy troubles, friend dramas. Helping his mum with dinner and watching some shows with the family. It was a nice escape from reality where his phone was left untouched sitting on his nightstand and just spending every second with his siblings as much as he could. Not even once had Jay said anything about potentially setting him up on a blind date and that was quite surprising, to say the least. But he can’t complain, maybe Jay finally got the hint Louis would rather be single then put his heart out there again.

And Louis can’t complain when the girls ask him to go to the cinema with him to meet with their mates and he tells them no. Saying he was tired and broke. Fizzy telling him she’d pay, but Louis declined and told them to have a good time.

As bad as it sounded, he was thankful when they eventually left for the evening. He loved his sisters dearly, but he needed his mum more than ever right now.

Louis took a deep breath and carefully treaded his way towards the living room where his mum was flipping through one of those homey magazines on the couch. The lamp next to the sofa illuminating her. Louis' heart was in his throat when slowly traipsed his way over and sat beside his mum.

_He can do this_.

Jay closed the glossy in her hands and looked at him for a second before setting it aside onto the side table beside the lamp.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Jay, crooned.

It’s not going to be the end of the world, and his mum would be there for him no matter what.

Louis folded his arms against his waist and tears starting to pool at the corners of his eyes, burning. Shimmering there the longer they sit in silence because this was hard, pulling at his heartstrings hard. And almost feeling ashamed because he knows he should have come to her sooner.

“I-” Louis said, a loss for words. Blinking back the wetness wanting to stain his cheeks and it’s when he felt gentle hands on his shoulders is when he loses it. Letting the floodgates open and his stomach just wound up so tight. Wiping away his tears as much as he could.

Not sure how long he’d been sobbing until his mum pulled him in for a hug and held him there. Cooing at him to calm down and breath, just like she always done to whenever Louis cried over a breakup or whenever something bad happened. She always knew how to comfort him, as little as it is.

It took maybe about a minute before Louis was able to actually force words out of his mouth and pulled away from Jay's comfort.

Swallowing down the lump in the back of his throat and murmured, “Mum… for the past few years I haven’t been happy,” It was a start, and it was the truth. “Feeling so helpless inside because no matter what, it won’t go away,” Louis’ eyes were burning up. “ I tried to stop, I did, but I can’t.”

Jay was silent, like she was waiting for Louis to go on with it. He couldn’t dare look his mum in the eyes right now.

“I never meant to… it just happened,” Louis sniveled, wiping at his wet cheeks. He felt like he was going to the throw up, his chest heavy.

But he’s ready to tell her.

“I’m in love with him.”

And Louis thought he’d never say it aloud, in a sniveling mess, where his tears were being wiped away. Jay murmuring: “It’s okay.”

The fact that his mum was reassuring him that things are fine and not crashing and burning around him was everything he needed. That she seemed okay with it and not gobsmacked by the confession. It was comforting that his mother was here and trying to ease him away from crying his heart out. To wipe his face clean and make sure he could come up for air every now and again instead not feeling so breathless from sobbing.

It took Louis a few seconds to calm himself down, his eyes still a little wet, but he was better. Felt relieved honestly. Like a weight had been lifted off his chest that’s been there for ages.

“He doesn't know,” Louis told her, eventually making himself glance at his mum who had this look of concern dancing in her eyes. “I don’t think I ever will tell him because I don’t wanna lose him.”

Jay frowned, she looked heartbroken for him. It made him sad.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come to me, because I didn’t want to say anything and have you get upset,” Jay said carefully. “But I’ve had my suspicions.”

Louis stared openly at his mother, trying to think about what she had meant, and Jay must have picked up on that.

“Ever since that nasty breakup with Sean you’d been hurting, and I could see it in your eyes whenever you were home. You lost who you are, and I knew you were in pain.” Jay’s voice started to tremble at the word. “But I noticed after months gone by you were smiling and back to life. I wasn't sure what happened or how you got it back, but I cried over it because all I ever wanted is for you to be happy. “Jay was going to make him into a sobbing mess again. “I eventually put two and two together over time whenever Harry was around visiting and realized you might have caught some feelings for him.”

There a second of a pause in his mum’s voice before she carried on.

“But you know when he started dating that girl, you lost that shine in your eye. You avoided going back home to hide away, and I wanted to do whatever it took to take that pain away. I only tried to set you up with all those guys because it hurt me to see your world stop turning again.”

So his mum kind of knew this whole time and didn’t say anything? Honestly, he was a little shocked she said nothing to Anne about it.

“How did you-” Louis started to ask, but Jay was faster.

“I’m your mum, and I know my son better than anyone. I want you to know that no matter what happens in your life, I’ll always love you and you can talk to me about these things.”

Louis really did have a wonderful and understanding mother, wished he could have told her before things got bad. It’s kind devastating that he never had the courage up until now.

But what could he do?

“And I’ll be honest about something, I’ve always thought Harry would be the one for you.”

Sadly, he isn’t. Louis wished his mum’s words were the truth, but they never would be nothing more than a wish.

It was something Louis was going to have to live with whether he liked it or not.


	11. X

For the next month, Louis spent his days meeting up on his off time trying to make this _birthday extravaganza_ a thing. Niall better fucking love him to the moon and back, because it’s not been easy. Not on anyone. Zayn and Liam being the bossiest bastards and taking over most of the duties while being micromanagers about it. Telling Louis to call potential venues and bakeries for a decent cake. Send out invites to friends and family. Then there was Donovan who he’d been helping trying to come up with a wonderful gift for Nialler. Louis may or may not had suggested that he should take Niall to a concert or a sports game, just doing anything he could to make them spend time together.

Niall may be adamant on the whole taking things slow bullshit, but Louis would be damned if he didn’t help them out.

It’s just disappointing that the fake relationship his mate had been playing up hadn’t ended yet.

And Louis wished in some way he could figure how to even rid of it entirely without making Niall look bad. Last thing he wants to happen is for his friend to finally get the guy, only to lose him because of one shitty lie. Sure he sent flowers to his own self and went on a trip with a pretend boy, but still. Either Donovan would be angry in the end or completely understandable of it all. 

When that day comes, Louis was going to prepared.

On the other side of things that had happened, he finally gotten his confidence back to actually blog. No longer worried that he’d be blackmailed and watched under a close eye. Hopefully, Ellie was off with a new beau somewhere that wasn’t Liverpool. Glasgow, preferably.

But Ellie’s nothing more than a toxic thought that Louis had rid his mind of since she lost it all.

So, that’s what he’d been doing for the past hour and a half, lounging on the sofa, Season 4 of _The Mindy Project_ playing in the background, and sipping on tea. He had the place to himself, Harry was with Zayn keeping him company while Liam was at work, then Niall he’s off bartending. So it was a lonesome night for Louis. He could’ve tagged along with Harry or go down to the pub, but he needed some alone time.

Not like he didn’t have plans to pester Harry when he gets home anyway.

Louis stared at the screen and sighed, pushing his fringe out of his eyes that was getting a hair too long. He’ll definitely be seeing Zayn for a haircut soon. Yawning when he waits for Tumblr to load up on his sloth moving laptop, casually glancing over to the telly every so often. Half watching-half not. The background noise calms him.

As he sat there waiting… patiently, he thought about that trip that’s merely eight weeks away. Looking forward to the three days they’d spend together alone, on a _fucking holiday_ , all the fun things they do. Creating memories and ah- it’s bound to be amazing.

Nothing, literally _nothing_ could spoil this for him.

Eventually slowly dragging his eyes back to his laptop screen and feeling relieved when the page finally loaded. Good, now he can blog and get on with his life.

Not even wasting a minute to click on the text button, already knowing what he had wanted to get off his chest.

_I still can’t believe I actually went and told someone how I felt about H. Been so terrified for so long, fearing they ’d go around spreading the secret. Thinking I’m a fool for feeling the way I do because we’re supposed to be best mates for life, not lovers._

_Not anything more than that._

_Yet, my mum is beyond a doubt the most lovely human being on earth, because she’s kept her lips sealed. Not gone off to tell anyone, not even her best friend of many years, whose like a second parent to me. It’s just so warming to know I’d always have my mother in my corner._

_And the funny thing is, she’s been the one rooting for us to get together._

_-L_

Louis hit the post button, feeling a bit better getting that off his chest because even talking to his most loyal followers about his feeling always made him feel better. It was nice he now had two outlets to go to if things go to shit. But it wouldn’t be a lie to say he wished he could have a third.

He’d love to tell Niall, but that’s nothing more than a pipe dream. Telling Jay was hard, but revealing to a best mate would be harder. Especially since they share a flat with you and the person you love. Not even mentioning the fact they’re all best friends.

Within minutes his notifications were slammed with replies to his post ranging from: _I’m so proud of you babe!_ , _Finally you told someone it’s about damn time_ , and _hopefully you’d gotten wonderful advice_. Which was all nice considering he no longer had a nasty anon bother him anymore… thank fuck. Pff.. he should’ve known who was behind _M_ the whole time, but whatever. What's done is done.

And Louis’ just so glad he’s back in his safe place again.  
Louis had spent maybe about five minutes responding to the asks and messages he was sent, telling them he felt free in a way. No longer bottling everything up because if it was a bad day he could give her a ring and talk. He didn’t lie to anyone that asked him if he'd gotten emotional revealing something so massive or if he was terrified. Even feeling a bit guilty because he waited so long to work up the courage when his mother pretty much knew, wishing he would’ve done it sooner.

Right as he was about to read a message he’d gotten, the sound of pounding against the wooden door reached Louis’ ears. Flicking his gaze towards the entrance as whoever was behind the damn door wouldn’t fuck off. He surely wasn’t expecting anyone nor ordered any takeaway.

Maybe they’d gotten the wrong flat number? Maybe.

Louis was just so comfortable though, and his laptop was actually working decently so far, last thing he wanted to do was ruin this little streak. But the knocks were consistent and not going away, and Louis wanted to scream. Shutting his laptop and setting it on the coffee table before padding his way towards the door.

Not entirely sure what he’d been expecting when he opened it, but he hadn’t planned on the fact his ex-boyfriend standing right in front of him. Clad in gym shorts and a tank top that showed too much skin, far too much muscle. Louis wanted to incinerate into ashes.

The corner of Sean’s lips slid upward as his arm braced the doorframe, Louis tries not to stare too much at his body, and more so on the fact he’s here. Outside of his his _home_. It’d been ages since Louis had his ex-boyfriend at his door.

“Are you lost, sir?” Louis quipped, crossing his arms. Deciding to banter it off and get his mind off what’s presented in front of him. Sean was a dick. Showing up here out of the blue looking like _that_.

Sean smirked, leaning in a little closer, his eyes shining. “Hello to you too, babe.” Louis was definitely _not_ staring at the way his past boyfriend lips parted. Absolutely absurd! “Miss me?”

Louis chokes at that. He can’t fucking come up with a witty comeback, not anything. It wouldn’t be a lie to say he did ever so _slightly_ long to be near his ex-boyfriend again. Like, they’ve become mates as it seems with all this time they’ve spent around one another. Texted and called… Sean’s been ringing him a little more frequently these past few weeks. Which was fine now, obviously or Louis would’ve simply ignored him. So what if he spends about an hour on the phone with him before bed?

It was not like it meant anything.

But, something in Louis wanted to be close to him physically ever since that night at the pub when they got found out. He’s not sure what in the world happened or why in the hell he feels the way he does. It’s confusing and weird, but Louis’ just glad that all the bad baggage they have is in the past.

Sean chuckled, leaning in even more that it was almost suffocating. His cologne wafting in the air. How can someone smell so good and yet looked like they came from the gym?

 _Fucking hell_.

“It’d be polite to invite me in you know, love.” Sean cooed, his gaze soft and still being smug as ever. “I mean unless you’ve gotten plans.”

It’s a bad, extremely _terrible_ idea. Sean even being here outside his door wasn’t helping, it was like he was slowly weaseling himself into Louis’ personal bubble. His comfort zone. First, it was inviting him to come over for dinner, then a nightcap (or whatever the hell he had intended), and now he’s here.

Louis couldn't help but wonder why he’s been so persistent on the matter, wasn't going to dinner enough?

Apparently not.

“It’s quite bold of you to assume I’ve actually gotten stuff going on.” Louis teased, stepping back to let his past love inside. He shouldn’t, but what the hell? Not like Sean would’ve given up so easily now that he was here in front of Louis, probably persuade him in any way possible to go spend time together.

And Louis really wasn't up for leaving his flat nor exchanging his comfortable clothes for a fancier dress. God no.

Once Sean had decided to waltz his way into the living room, Louis was quick to shut the door, and stifling a whimper when his ex-boyfriend’s gotten his hand up his top, itching at his chest. Showing off those glorious abs and skin. _Fuck_ , this is the most action Louis had gotten in three years, and he wasn't even the one being touched.

Why couldn’t Sean have scratched above the fabric? Louis would love to know, but doesn’t say anything about it. No need to admit that his eyes had been where they shouldn’t.

What makes it even worse is when the distance between them is shortened when Sean comes closer, staring down at him, and dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. Nearly losing his breath when he feels thumbing at his wrist, staring blankly up at his ex-boyfriend.

“I wanna talk to you about something, Lou,” Sean started to say, hazel eyes searching his face. Almost as if he were seeking approval to go on with it, but he just went on with it when Louis doesn’t say a word. “Can we go talk somewhere a little more private?”

_Private_? They’ve gotten a whole damn flat to themselves, how much more one-on-one could they get?

“Enlighten me?”

Louis suddenly feels fingers curling around his wrist, Sean turning on his heels slowly leading them toward the bedrooms. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ Fucking shit… they’re going to his room. His heart in his throat when they’re outside Louis’ bedroom, then coming to a halt and Sean’s asks: “This still yours?”

“Yeah.” It came out in a near whisper, trying to grasp everything that was happening way too fast. Not even getting the chance to put his foot down or deter Sean’s away from his private space because he was being led into his dark room, flipping on his light in the midst of it.

And no, Louis was _not_ staring at those beautifully carved back muscles that were right there in front of him. Hell no.

The next thing that happens is Sean leading him closer towards his bed, having them sit down beside one another, and their knees bumping. Then Louis felt gentle pressure against the small of his back and flicked his gaze towards the man next to him, leaning slightly closer to him because he could. Anxious to hear what exactly Sean had wanted to chat with him about.

It couldn’t be bad, right? What could Sean possibly want to tell him?

“It hasn’t changed a bit in here, you know? Still cozy as ever.” Sean started to say, giving the room a once over before they landed back on Louis. “We used to spend loads of time in here just lounging around and chatting about whatever was going on in our lives. Holding you until we passed out on this bed where we’ve gotten a lot of history.” Louis swallowed at that frayed memory they always had. “We’ve had ups and downs like any other couple, and I can never forget that fight we had that time we were at your mates' party. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

Louis felt the corners of his lip twitch because he knows that fight, argument, or whatever it was that happened. It was the first time he had any sort of piece of his heart chipped off like a piece of broken glass. Yet, he didn’t leave Sean because of his own wants and desires, Louis would’ve rather loved him than lost him.

Yet, he doesn’t get it, why was he bringing that particular time up?

“I never meant any of it,” Sean admitted, his hand slowly starting to rub against Louis’ back. “All I was trying to do was make it more magical for you in the end.” So, saying marriage was pointless and stupid was the right way to go about things? Yeah, because that surely did something so _wonderful_ for Louis’ hopes and dreams. “I knew then and even when months had passed. I wanted to wait until I had a ring in my pocket and a place of our own before I asked.”

Well, this conversation certainly wasn’t what Louis had anticipated it to be… neither did his heart.

“I know all this means nothing now, but I just thought it was something I’d finally share with you now that we’re close again.” Sean said easily, thinking it’s okay to reach over and grabbed Louis’ hand, intertwining their fingers together like he used to. Giving it a little squeeze before he brought their hands up to his lips and pressed a sweet kiss against the back of Louis’ hand. Heat inching to his cheeks at the affection.

What was Sean doing to him?

If Sean would’ve told him all of this information back in February, he’d be a sobbing mess, sulking over it, and on the train back to Doncaster. Spilling it all out to his mum that he could’ve had a family of his own one day. That he almost had his happy ending, he’d always dreamt of. Yet, in a way he’s glad he never let Sean talk about it since, because today he could handle it. It may still sing away at him, but he’s gotten better. 

“But what if I never found out about Kyle? Or the others?” Louis asked, he genuinely wanted to know if Sean would’ve ever come clean. What would’ve happened if they did get married, gotten a nice place together, and had few kids? Would’ve Sean ever came clean about it or would he just keep sleeping with whoever he saw fit? “If I would’ve said yes, I’d never be your one and only.”

Sean frowned, tightening his grasp before he replied with: “I never loved Kyle, though. He wasn’t anything important.”

Bullshit. Sean fucked him on the side for a long time, so clearly he kept going back for more than sex. Because Louis knows from experience.

“Yet, you managed to sleep with him for a whole fucking year and then started dating him weeks later.” Okay so maybe Louis was getting a little worked up, but he had every right to, okay? He’s not gonna sit here and let Sean think everything’s okay with how things went about. But he’s definitely not on the brink of tears though, so that’s an upside. “And mind you I would've found out eventually that you were unfaithful.”

“Okay, yeah. Maybe I grew to like him over time, but always came back to you. _Always_. You were my baby and if ever play my cards right again, maybe someday you'll be that again.”

Louis picks apart word for word as silence takes over between then, the hand against him sliding to the side of his waist and pulling him close. Sean was hoping that possibly they could get back together in the future. It’s still a trust issue, though. Sean may have earned a little of it back after slowly redeeming himself, but it’s a long road ahead of him.

And Louis’ not too sure if he ever wants to give him his heart again.

“I wanna show you something,” Sean mentioned, pulling his hand from Louis, making his heart tremble at the loss. Then there’s a phone screen in front of them and password being typed.

Louis sat there quietly watching as Sean goes to his photos, thumbing up his camera roll for sometime before he landed on a photo from three years ago. He’s had a picture of it this whole time… Louis’ heart was palpitating.

“This is the one I had my eye on, thought you’d love it for being different. Thought you’d appreciate the fact I thought outside of the box.” Sean chuckled sliding to another photo, which was another angle of the piece of jewelry. Shiny and beautifully done; it was meant to be his. Louis was supposed to have _that_ on his finger until death do them part. It makes Louis feel a slight achiness when he subconsciously rubbed his ring finger. 

It’s just not fair that Sean just showed out of the blue and rub this in his face. Show off the evidence of the past and act like it didn’t affect Louis in any way. And sure, maybe he’s okay with talking about it now, but to actually see the actual black plated engagement ring was a whole different story. It was pulling at his heartstrings.

“I would’ve said yes.” Louis more so whispered his eyes still on the photo. Of course, he would’ve married his ex-boyfriend then, if he had no idea of the serial cheating that went on behind his back that is.

Fingers dig into his side, and there is a gentle pair of lips pressing against his temple. Then the picture and phone disappeared. Lips are brushing against his ear making Louis tremble at the warm breath fanning along it.

“I’m sorry for never giving you that, I knew how badly you wanted to be Louis Aston.” Sean cooed, sliding his hand lower until it met the edge of Louis’ trousers. Fingers nudging their way under his top and sliding gently against his skin. Nearly mewling at the touch and the surname he desperately craved in the past. “I would’ve been a better husband.”

Louis wanted to believe it, to know Sean would’ve stopped fooling around when they dated. That he’d no longer made Louis feel second best and not enough. That he was satisfied with their sex life and not make Louis feel insecure about it all. Like he was being compared to the next because there were so many. It wasn’t just Kyle or the sleazy hookups from Grindr. Sean had plenty one night stands he picked up whenever he’d been at the pub alone pretending he was a single man, denying he had a boyfriend. Not even giving a thought that maybe Louis needed him.

They sit quietly, Louis' eyes ended up fluttering closed at some point when he moves to rest his head against his ex-boyfriend’s shoulder, nudging a little closer against him. Nearly whimpering at Sean’s hand that’s up his top, resting on his bare hip. Resting their possessively and not budging.

This was nice.

It was kind of mind blowing that he actually felt a sense of comfort in the way they were cuddling. Pacifying the dull pain he felt from something he never had. It wouldn’t be a lie to say his chest wasn’t feeling a little fluttery inside.

Eventually moving to place his hand on the center of Sean’s stomach, adjusting himself to face his ex-boyfriend more so he could nuzzle easily into him, and letting out an easy breath. Nearly whining when the hand flat against his side slowly slides down farther until it hit the waistband. Fingers Toying with the elastic, almost as if they were begging to slip into his.

“Do you wanna-” Sean started to say something, but the sound of the front door opening and laughing filtered the air.

You could hear Zayn, and Harry joyous voices carry throughout the flat and Louis snapped his eyes open. Pulling away from SEan’s touch, but the hand on him not budging. Not even when there's a knock on his door and then it opens. Louis wanted to hide under the covers and be a recluse for the next week.

There stands Harry, his smile falters into an unreadable expression and eyes going wild, searching between the pair. Then Zayn poking his head over Harry's shoulder, probably on his tiptoes. Louis just stares at his two mates and his breath hitches when he feels fingers slide under his waistband of not only his trousers, but his boxers too. Nervously glancing at Sean for a moment before they land back on Harry just staring at them blankly.

Zayn’s hand clasped Harry’s shoulder as he said, “ You know what? I’ll go grab some beers and see what's you lads have for snacks.” Then he’s gone like a flash of lightning, leaving Harry in the dust.

Louis can’t help but wonders what's going through his best friends mind.

“Am I interrupting something?” Harry finally breaks the silence, his eyes were on Louis. They weren’t warm or glowing, just dull and lifeless. And there’s something else, was it jealousy? Or was it disappointment? Louis couldn’t put his thumb on it, but he could see the little spark of it. “If so then me and Zayn will head out and leave you two, to it.”

Louis frantically shook his head, needing his mate to understand that nothing intimate was going on here. It was just a cuddle, there wasn't any kissing or fondling. They had a deep talk about things that could’ve been, that’s it. Honestly, Louis wished Harry would’ve been a fly on the wall to witness it. Be the big brother camera’s and see it for himself instead of playing up these delusions he seems to be having. It’s almost frustrating to keep defending himself and his friendship with an ex-lover.

You can be platonic with someone you used to love. Because their _friendship_ was a prime example of that.

“No, we were just…” Louis thinks for a moment, not really wanting to get into the details and share it with the world. Harry’s his best mate and all, but right now wasn’t the time. Maybe he’ll tell him later.

“I was about to leave, actually. Only stopped by because I was in the neighborhood.” Sean spoke up, the hand on Louis’ suddenly gone and his ex-boyfriends standing to his feet. “ I need to be heading back home anyway, got an early day ahead of me.”

Oh, thank fuck. Louis was almost certain Sean was about to drag him around the city before they’d gotten interrupted.

Sean let out a sigh, turning on his heels and there's a smile playing on his lips, giving Louis this look for a moment. Almost as if he were trying to communicate with his eyes that he was waiting for whatever it was Louis had to decide on. His gut was telling him that Sean was expecting him to go with him back home. Keep him company and bask in the endless cuddle. Have no other interruptions, and it still scares Louis.

So, he’ll go about this the easy way.

“I’ll walk you down, don’t need you to get lost, because that would be a problem, wouldn’t it?.” Louis chuckled, watching the way Sean’s face goes slack. A tiny bit of guilt sits in the depth of Louis’ stomach at that, making itself at home. Nagging at him to go and just do it, spend just a little more time with him to make this feeling go away. Yet, he knows better than that.

Sean just gave a little nod before breaking the eye contact, already stepping away. Louis got up after him, trying to ignore that glare on his mates face when they walk past him, nearly choking when Sean and Harry bump shoulders, and they’ve got looks that would’ve killed when they glanced over their shoulder at one another. It was tense, and Louis could feel it, he hated it. Not in the mood to deal with their qualms tonight.

What a sigh of relief that was when they exited out of the flat and went down the corridor. It was easy getting on the lift and standing there with him. Even when they made it out into the car park a few minutes later.

Eventually finding themselves standing in front of that familiar shiny black car. Staring up at the handsome man under the puddle of yellow light from the streetlamp. Wondering if Sean would ring him later when he’s laying in bed.

“You know, if you get bored at all, text me, and I’ll be right over,” Sean broke the silence between them, there was little shiftiness in his eyes and from his eyes down to Louis’ lips. It suddenly felt like the sun was shining down on them, glaringly bright hot. “We could head back to mine and have some wine. Maybe a bit of other things too.”

What exactly were these _other things_? Louis had an idea of what could possibly happen… and he’s not too sure if he wants to confirm his suspicions or not.

“I thought you said you had an early day? I’m pretty sure sipping on those fancy drinks and me keeping you company isn’t what I’d call an early night.”

Sean laughed, shaking his head a little, and he’s sliding his fingers along Louis’ wrist. Soft and gentle. Like he was being careful not to break him because he wanted to feel.

And that’s all Sean’s been doing since he’d arrived, his hand somewhere on Louis’ body. Almost as if he was staking a claim so no one else could. Given, Sean wants there to be future here. To have Louis all to himself again and love him like he should’ve. Be the man he was supposed (or pretended) to be when they were together: Loyal and trustworthy; supportive and respectable; appreciative and compassionate. The lost goes on and on, Louis could make a long list of everything he loved about this man when he was eighteen going on nineteen.

Yet, nothing will ever erase that twisting pain in his chest when he walked in on Sean with his hands on Kyle's body. Fucking him from behind on a bed they've shared so many times. Where Louis slept a lot of nights. Where they’ve made love and laid together. Where Louis thought he wanted more.

And it’s sad that they’re story ended on a bad note.

“I suppose you caught me there, but it’s worth it to lose a few hours of sleep when it comes to you,” Sean said efforestly, his fingers cradling Louis’ wrist. “Not only that but I’d let your crash at mine, if you wanted.”

And there it was; the inevitable truth of it all.

Louis was so fucking smart, right? Because why would an ex-boyfriend (that fell off the face of the earth for a few years) try so hard to get you to come over for the evening? And for what? What reasons?

This was more than a friendly nightcap, sipping on beer and chatting about their day. This was a sleepover. He knows better that he wouldn’t be taking the guest room or the sofa, he’d be in bed with Sean. Who would probably be nearly naked lounging in his boxers trying to make Louis’ life miserable. Letting him have a feel of those glorious muscles all over and aching to kiss him. Shit, he wouldn’t be shocked if Sean tried. Dirty and passionate. Tongue being shoved down his throat and a hand on Louis’ arse. Little smacks and squeezes on the ass. Shedding their clothes and love bites decorating his skin.

And that’s not even mentioning Sean grabbing a contraceptive from his- Nope! No, no, no. Now was not the time to be thinking like _that_. It was something he just couldn’t think about right now, especially standing in front of the man that had been his first. That he’s been with before in that way. So he knows how their … you know… _sex_ would play out.

It’s a recipe for disaster.

“Maybe I can get a raincheck?” Louis wanted to bury himself a grave, what in the fuck was he doing? “I think my mates wanted to steal for the night.”

“Knew I should’ve gotten here sooner,” Sean cooed, not sounding too bothered by the rejection. “ But you know my birthdays in a few weeks, and I’d really like you to go with me to my parents for the day.”

Uh… what?

Louis just blinked at Sean because what in the hell? _Seriously_? Of all the things he’d want, it’s Louis accompanying him for the day at The Aston household. It just left Louis speechless, so fucking utterly gobsmacked and blindsided. He hadn’t seen Chris and Nora in ages. It’s been three fucking years, okay? Like the last time, he seen Sean’s parents was the weekend before things went to shit. Like…. What if they think they’re a couple? Or interrogate him on why he couldn’t trust their son?

Oh god, what if they hate him? Resent him for leaving behind five years of someone he thought he could’ve trusted with his heart?

Someone that meant so much to both of them?

It just doesn’t sit well in his belly.

“Was thinking we could start off at my parents and eventually work our way back to mine, then finish the celebrations there.” Sean added like these _plans_ are not a big deal. That was something that screamed they _might or might not be more than friends_.

Everything felt like it was moving so fast between them already, it’s kind of daunting to think about it.

“You don’t have to give me an answer yet, Lou. Just thought I’d bring it up.”

“Okay.” Louis finally murmured out, not so sure about whether or not he will even go. It was too much for him to process right now on top of other things. “Just give me some time.”

It was all Louis was asking for.

The next thing Louis knows is fingers were ghosting along his arm up to shoulder, pulling him close to where the gap between them was no longer there. Arm slithering around his body and being squeezed tight. Adjusting his own to hug the warm body back and pressing his face into the crook of Sean’s neck. Fluttering his eyes closed for a moment and almost feeling mad at himself because a small part of him wanted Sean to not leave.

It’s frustrating and downright annoying that he felt this way, because he shouldn’t. Not with the way his ex-boyfriend had been implying things and getting a little touchy with him. Yet, he can’t make himself not want it.

And then Sean's gone like that. Pulling away and digging into his pockets for his key and hitting the button to unlock his car. Staring at him for a moment before he pulls out his phone and checks it. Louis just gnaws on his lip and wonders if Sean’s been treating anyone else the way he had been?

It’s a question Louis would love an answer to, but he knows Sean wouldn’t give him the whole truth.

Because at the end of the day Louis still doesn't trust him one hundred percent.

“Drive safe, Sean, okay?” Louis said placidly, folding his arms against his chest. “I’ll be up late more than likely if you can’t sleep.”

“So that means I’ve gotten permission to ring you, right?”

Louis smiled at the ground for a moment before he dragged his eyes back onto his ex-love and teased: “Since when have you needed permission and actually followed it?”

Sean chuckled. “You make a fair point, but I love your company. Every second I’m not with you, I miss you.”

Louis’ heart started bang up against his chest at that admission, this wasn't a good sign…

Oh no, Sean’s really going to ruin him before 2019 even gets here in a matter of months. This better be a false alarm at that little spark in his heart at those words. Because he can’t have any more of that go on. Maybe it’s a fluke, just hearing anyone say that he’s missed could’ve set it off.

Whatever the case, Louis was hopeful he was over analyzing it all for no good reason.

“You do?” Louis questioned softly, and Sean nodded. Making Louis want to slowly melt into a pile of goo and it’s so fucking tormenting.

After about a minute Sean gave him a little wave and get in his car. Giving Louis one more glance before he pulled out of his spot.. Louis just stood there and watched him leave.

“Why am I doing this to myself?” Louis mumbled under his breath before he turned on his heels, and headed back inside.

When he’s settled back up in his flat, Louis finds himself in the kitchen with Zayn and Harry. They’re popping popcorn and bullshitting about their days. Okay, so maybe it’s more so Zayn going on about the argument he had with Liam this morning before work over financial woes. Liam made a comment he shouldn't have regarding not contributing nearly enough as he did. Throwing in if Zayn just got another job or went back to school for an even better one, maybe they’d eventually move away and get a house. Which ticked Zayn off because he loved being barber as it was something he always wanted to do, and even he doesn’t make loads of cash, at least he’s happy.

Louis felt bad, those two didn’t fight often, maybe it was the fact they rarely got to see one another thanks to Liam’s blatant workaholism. Or perhaps it's Liam whose utterly exhausted and probably irritated because he barely gets to see Zayn anymore just so they could afford to live the way they do. Maybe thinking he’s making Zayn unhappy and probably hates the fact his boyfriend spends a lot of nights alone with Jinx.

Louis could understand it. He’s been there before with Sean, he wasn’t the Liam in the situation, he was Zayn. It’s hard. So fucking _hard_ only seeing your significant other for a limited time every week for years on end. Eating dinner alone, going to sleep alone, waking up alone even though you live with him.

It twists at Louis’ heartstrings for Zayn.

He had hoped that they’d recover from this and just move on. Talk and be happy. They deserve it.

“Other than airing me and Liam’s dirty laundry, what was the deal with Sean earlier?” Zayn asked Louis, who was sat at the kitchen table, sipping on a beer.

Louis scratched at the back of his neck, leaning against the countertop, hands clasping the edges. Swallowing hard when he gives Harry a passing glance who was busy fussing with their snacks and Louis could’ve sworn he could see him tense up. Eventually snapping his eyes back to Zayn trying not to think too much about it.

“What do you mean?” Louis played dumb, gnawing on his lip. He’d rather Zayn clarify then jump right into defense mode because that would paint a horrible picture. That was just something Louis couldn't deal with tonight.

“He was kind of all up in your business, Lou,” Zayn pointed out. Of fucking course he did. “Are you sure your two aren’t back together?”

Louis scoffed. “Of course not, there's nothing more than a friendship with him.”

“Not even hooking up?”

Louis was about to answer with a firm no on that when suddenly Harry chimed in, turning around so he could lean against the counter. Sternness etched across his face. Arms crossed and his eyes on Zayn.

“How many times does he have to say they’re just mates before anyone gets the bloody hint?” Harry stressed, like he’s heard the question so much it was redundant. What got Louis was, was the fact Harry even cared. Like, he wasn’t the one who is being asked by literally everyone  
that’s found out they’re back in each other’s lives.

“No need to get your knickers in a twist, man,” Zayn shook his head, bringing his bottle of beer to his lips. “Just curious is all.”

Harry just lets out a heavy sigh and threaded his fingers through his hair. His eyes fallen to the ground, brow still furrowed. A slight pout on his lips. Louis understood that his best mate had always been a bit overprotective toward him ever since they... God, Louis doesn’t even know. When they were just teenagers? Kids? All of their lives?

It’s not like Loui’ complaining about it because Harry had saved him from one too many late night drunken excursions. From those seedy parties from their uni days and wandering about down the desolate streets. He’d be there making sure he was safe, and no one could hurt him.  
Every time Louis had a boyfriend or went on a date, Harry was skeptical. Not really liking whoever it was at first because they needed to gain his trust and gave them a little cliche friendly threat that Niall had also given whoever Louis was seeing at the time. Maybe it was because Louis was more sensitive and wore his heart on his sleeve, well he used to that is. Now he bottles it all up and yeah, that’s a thought for another time.

Yet, it should’ve been the other way around since he’s older than Harry. An actual big brother to two little sisters. Shit, he’s only a year younger than Gemma. Yet, he will admit it was nice to have someone look after him when no else would.

Louis had always appreciated everything he’s done for him.

“But you know Lou, whatever happens, I’ve gotten your back.” Zayn stated, swallowing down even more beer. He was a such a good friend.

“Thanks, Zayn.” And that’s all Louis was going to say to that. Wanting to step away from the whole ex-boyfriend topic altogether and get on with his night.

He’s gotten one of his closest mates here and the man that had Louis’ heart, what more could he ask for?

And then the timer on the microwave sounded off, and Harry’s already grabbing the big purple bowl and dumping the contents of the hot buttery snack into it. Then Zayn, he’s downing the rest of his beer before helping himself to another. Which was fine, Louis didn’t care. So that left him already padding out of the kitchen and making his way towards his room. Needing to plug his phone on the charger and grab a thin blanket in case he got a little cold.

Even if it’s summer and getting hot as balls, there’s always that chance he’s not willing to take.

It took about two minutes to find a decent sheet (okay so it wasn’t a blanket, big deal) and made his way back into the living area. Tossing his wad of cloth onto the sofa as Harry was fussing with the telly and the snacks already out on the coffee table. It smelled so fucking amazing, ugh Louis was hungry. Thank god.

But one thing's for sure: He needed himself a drink too.

So, he goes into the kitchen, and the first thing he notices is Zayn on his mobile, talking. His voice is soft and soothing to his ears. Saying _You know how I feel about that_. He must be on the line with Liam. Because for as long as Louis' known the lad, he’s only that way with one person: His boyfriend.

Of course, naturally, he’s curious. What exactly was it that they talked about and why did his friend want it so bad?

But he doesn’t ask questions where his nose doesn’t belong and make his way towards the cupboard. Deciding he’d rather have a cup of cold water instead of beer or fizzy drinks, not only that but Zayn was sorta blocking the fridge. Or more so leaning against it and pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“You’re not understanding where I’m coming from, Liam.” Zayn whined into the phone, dropping his hand and Louis hears him walk away. It’s bad news, when Zayn says his full name instead of _Li_ Louis knows their not agreeing on something. Whether it was a piece of furniture or just their finances. The little things that shouldn’t even matter, but they do.

But they were having a little bit of a rough patch today, and hopefully by tomorrow morning everything would be back to normal for the lovebirds.

Now that it was just him, he opened the cupboard and grabbed the first glass he saw. He felt a bit parched and eager to grab his drink and claim his spot on the sofa. Hunker down for the night and just enjoy it while it lasted.

However, before he could even move a centimeter suddenly, there's pressure against his body making him flinch. It warm and hard. There’s a hand on the side of his hip and another in front of him reaching for a glass.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, Lou.” Harry murmured, and Louis’ heart stopped at how close they were. How fucking intimate this had to be. Like what the hell? Is he trying to murder him? Trying to set him ablaze at the unexpected touch?

Louis didn’t even hear him enter the kitchen for crying out loud.

Swallowing hard at the fact that Harry’s groin is pressed against his bum. The hand on him is just so intoxicating, and Louis’ knows Harry could feel him tremble at the way those fingers slightly dig into him. Nearly mewling when he leans back into the body and the hand sliding lower and then it went up his shirt, resting there on his bare hip. Then the glass his mate had grabbed set down onto the countertop, and his other hand splayed against the countertop.

He wanted that one on him too.

When he presses back against Harry, even more, a gasp falls from his lips, warm breath fanning along his ear, and nails digging into his skin. The low groan emitting from the beautiful boy behind him was captivating. His heart just palpitating when Harry pushes his hips against his arse, stifling a whimper when his mind starts to wander about things he shouldn't.

Starting to have that familiar want and desire, that _ache_ to be pushed over the counter and his bottoms yanked down. Velvety smooth palm grasping and rubbing at his ass, feeling all of him. Burning kisses decorating his backside and love bites painted along his inner thighs. Whimpering for more and just losing himself completely at whatever Harry did next.

 _Fuck_.

Louis was starting to feel dazed and dizzy the more he imagined it in his mind. The more he remembered how it exciting and hot it was to have sex in the open like that. Being fucked against the countertop and on it. On the kitchen chair and on the linoleum floor. Many, so many late nights whenever they couldn’t make it to the bedroom. It was so fucking _hot_. They’ve shagged almost everywhere in the flat except Niall’s room (they had some decency!) and fucking hell, Louis was _gagging_ for that.

Then there’s something hard digging into his bum, and he can’t help himself. Rubbing up back into his mate and letting out a breathy moan. Chomping down on his bottom lip as he watches the way the hand on the countertop claws at the grain and the one on him slides to the center of his stomach, His own cock starting to perk up against his boxers, begging to be freed. To be touched and kissed. To be sucked.

But then there’s himself wanting to fall to his knees in front of his friend and pull him out, show Harry what he’d been missing.

“Babe…” Harry cooed, his lips brushing against the shell of his ear, the hand on his belly sliding lower until it hits the edge of his waistband. Fingers slipping under the band, but not moving. Louis’ dick was pulsating, and his lips were aching to capture his mates. Wanting to kiss him until their lips were numb and bitten.

And fuck it. Louis' heart was screaming at him to do something about it, to finally have his chance again because he was certain Harry would want it too. He’s touching him, and he’s just as turned on as he was.

As much as he wanted to stay where he was in Harry’s arms like this… he couldn’t take it.

Breaking away from the touch was the hardest thing he’d done in a while, turning in his spot and feeling faintish when realizes how close they really are. Swallowing as he stared into those dazzling green eyes, his pupils blown wide. Louis' heart was throbbing in his chest the longer he kept his gaze, and he was almost whining at the loss of touches. Harry’s got him caged against the countertop, clasping at the edges, and making Louis weak in the knees.

It’s when he broke his eye contact for a moment and peaks down between them, stifling an oncoming whimper when he sees his mates cock tenting against the fabric of his trousers. Eager to rip open his jeans and pull him out, but he can’t seem to make the first move. Slowly dragging his eyes back up to his mate whose glossed over eyes were still on him, fervent and sparking. It made Louis’ dick twitch.

Louis reaches up to grasp at his friend's shirt to pull him in closer, wanting them body to body again. Pepper his throat with kisses and nibble every inch of it. Hear him giggle at the feeling because it was so endearing and kind of hot. _No_ it was so fucking hot. Louis longed to have the experience again so badly… yearning to just lean into him and leave love bites all over.

And when he does pull Harry in close, he hadn’t meant to do it so fast. Being pressed back against the countertop even more and no space between them. His fist crushed under the weight of his mate’s chest and Louis’ heart thundering at the closeness of their lips.

“Ha-“ Louis started to murmur, but was cut short when he heard Zayn calling out to them.

“I love him to death, but he makes me so mad sometimes!” Zayn announced from the living room and like that Harry couldn’t have pulled away fast enough. Bolting out of the kitchen like flash of lightning.

Louis just stands there and blinked, wondering what the hell happened?

The next thing he knew Zayn steps into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. Staring at him for a moment before he finally said, “Um… Louis.” His eyes flicker downward for a moment and his cheeks pink as ever. Turning on his heels and abandoning him too.

Louis sighed, glancing down to his erection still outlined against his bottoms. Feeling so fucking embarrassed at the fact Zayn, one of his good friends seen him sporting a fucking hard on. He prayed Zayn doesn’t bring it up and pretends like he saw nothing.

God… he hoped so.

After that snafu, Louis decided to play things off like none of that happened and swallowed down some water. Grabbing himself a lite beer and retreating on the end of the couch, pulling the sheet over his lap and sipped on his drink. Zayn was too busy with his phone typing away at whatever it was and then out comes Harry. Louis suppressed any sort of whine when he notices how incredibly tight those red joggers were. They must be new because he’d never seen him in _those_ before. Paired with a Motley Crue band shirt, he looked so fucking hot. So fit.

If life were fair, Harry would be sat in the recliner and Zayn would take the other end of the sofa. Not making Louis want to combust because the thought of being so close to Harry right now after everything was going to make him lose his mind. But of course, Harry doesn’t want to spare Louis’ life after he flips off the light, sliding down into the spot beside him. Mind you, there was a whole other cushion on the other side of him he could’ve sat, but no. He wanted to be near Louis and make his life hell. His stupid dimple coming out to play when he smiles at Louis for a moment and slides down in his seat a little more to kick his feet up onto the coffee table. Looking totally relaxed and honestly? Louis wanted to snuggle right up to him and have any excuse in the book to touch him. To be held and comforted; safe and warm.

There was so much that Louis wanted, but he knows he couldn’t have them.

If Harry was in the mood for a cuddle, he’d already be hinting away at it. Asking him to come closer and keeping Louis by his side through whatever film they decided to watch.

However that doesn’t happen, and Louis just makes himself more comfortable, adjusting himself so he could lay against the arm, pillow tucked behind his head, and his legs laid across Harry's lap. Biting back a smile wanting to break free when he feels the weight of his friend's hand on his thigh, resting there so casually. The sheet thrown off onto the ground beside the couch, Louis decided it was useless anyway. Originally going to cover up with it, but that all went to bed when Harry decided he wanted to touch him.

Because Louis needed to see it. To engrave the sight in his mind so he could tuck it away and dream about it whenever he wanted. To remember everything about it.

Louis was content, the embarrassment now long gone now that he was settled and Zayn was skimming through all the movies Niall had.

By default, whenever there was company over they got to pick whatever their heart desired. No matter how terrible or how much they didn’t want to, they’d just have to sit through the torture because it was the polite thing to do.

And besides, maybe it’d get Zayn’s mind off his troubles at home.

“So I was thinking we could watch _Scream_ and then do something a little more light hearted like: _Friends With Benefits_. That film is fucking hilarious.”

Louis wanted to scream! Why in gods name did Zayn want to watch _that_? Of all the fucking films on Niall long list of movies, _why?_

Was he trying to make life harder for Louis?

Watching two fictional characters go through the same limbo he had and then they eventually wind up together, in the end, wasn’t something he was up for. It almost makes him sick to think about because friends with benefits is one of the worst mistakes anyone could make because more chances then not you’ll just end up broken hearted.

Louis learned that the hard way and not through some cheesy rom-com that gave false hope.

He didn’t get his happy ending.

And it sucks, Zayn even is considering that shitty film in the first place. Hopefully, he’d be passed out by the time they even make it to the end of the classic horror film. Louis had his fingers crossed.

He wasn’t about to torture himself.

Louis watched the way Harry’s adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed, wondering if he felt the same way too about it. The whole movie in general. The fact that they had a no strings attached relationship a few years back. That maybe he didn’t feel comfortable watching it with Louis because of the way things ended.

In a way, Louis wished Zayn knew their past, so they didn't have to watch that damn movie that’s going to bring his memories to life.

But Harry and him never discussed if they’d share it with the world.

“And why in the fuck do you wanna watch those films? I’ve seen those so many times, are you trying to put me to sleep?.” Louis complained, maybe if he whined about seeing it so much, maybe his mate would be nice and choose something else.

Zayn scoffed, already pressing play on the classic horror film. “Maybe because I actually like these movies, you know I have much broader tastes then cult classics.”

The thing is though, Zayn loved anything scary or gory, so why couldn’t they just stick with that theme instead? He’d much rather endure hours of jumpscares than sit through _Friends With Benefits_. Ugh, it’s one of those instances where Louis wished Zayn would get a text from Liam begging him to come home or at least surprising him by taking the night off work. But unfortunately, Liam was borderline obsessed with sustaining their evergrowing saving accounts with working crazy hours.

God, why can’t Liam settle on working just at the vet hospital with Harry? Quit being so fucking ambitious for once in his life and spend time with his boyfriend.

Yes, Louis knows he sounds terribly selfish, but damn.

“I agree with Lou, seen it one too many times.” Harry chimed in as the phone on the telly started to ring, thank fuck. At least his best friend had his back on this, they both didn’t want this. But Zayn wanted to be a pain in their ass and do what he wanted regardless. “Maybe we get a raincheck?”

Zayn shook his head and shushed them both when Casey started to talk on the line. Well, there goes that. Looks like they were two against one stubborn bastard. Go figure.

During the first film of the evening, it wasn't so bad. Actually, Louis was quite content just lounging about on the sofa. The hand on his thigh hadn't moved an inch through the entire movie. He loved it. Wanted more of it. To feel Harry’s hand slid to his inner thigh and touch him so intimately.

If only…

And as he lays there when the credits start to roll, he crosses his arms against his chest. Balling his hands into a fist and realizing he hadn’t touched his beer at all. Too comfortable to move and not wanting to pull away from his spot. Almost afraid the special touch wouldn't be there when he gets comfortable again. That’s okay and not having any of the popcorn Zayn was basically hoarding was fine.

The only thing that wasn’t okay was the fact Zayn still wanted to go through with that awful film. Louis just took a deep breath right as the opening scene began to play. Fuck Louis’ life.

Dylan couldn’t have put it any better when he said, _why do relationships always start off so fun and then turn into suck-a-bag-o-dicks?_ and then there’s Jamie’s stating the damn truth, _I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love._ And she was speaking the damn truth. Because it was all lies and false hopes.

The beginning of the film wasn’t bad, bearable enough where Louis could mentally prepare himself for what's to come when it reaches the rom-com beer drinking scene. You know where they agree on no strings attached and say things that imitated Louis’ past with Harry.

From missing sex and sometimes you just need it. Asking why does it always have to come with complications and emotions. Guilt. The tennis analogy about it being just physical and then shake hands afterwards then get on with your life. Then agreeing on staying friends afterword no matter what. Because truthfully that was what Louis had originally thought when Harry and him first started that mess of a relationship. That their _thing_ would be purely sex. But he was such a damn fool to even think that way, the only thing that stayed true was their friendship stayed alive.

Even though it’s been the most painful couple of years, he’d ever had.

Then the sex scenes ensure after that and Louis wishes he could fast forward through this. He didn’t want to see this or hear any of it. But of course, it’s happening whether he liked it or not.

But life goes on and so does this film.

It’s when Dylan is sitting at the airport listening to his father talk about lost love. Saying he was too damn proud to tell Dede how he really felt about her. She was the love of his life and too stupid to realize it. Never really gotten over her. And that life was too goddamn damn short, and you can’t waste a minute of it.

Louis knows that man wasn’t wrong, he knows they won’t be on this earth forever, and he could always love Harry. Never knowing what could’ve been because he’s too much of a coward to tell his friend how he really felt.

Yet, there’s still that chance of losing him, and that’s not something Louis was willing to risk.

It was his own fault, and no one else’s because they had a promise.

Then the next line _If you think there’s even a chance she could be it, fix it_. Louis felt an ever so gentle squeeze against his thigh and slowly dragged his eyes from the screen to his mate. The corners of his lips slowly sliding upward when he glances down to the hand on him and then back up at Harry who was still watching the movie.

And you know what? Louis wished he could fix things, he does. Because he knows deep within his heart that Harry was it. That he could never love anyone more than him. That he sees a future where they’ve made promises to spend the rest of their lives with each other, wedding bands on their fingers, and having a family. Every time Louis tries to imagine some other handsome man, Harry always pops back in. Invading every inch of his fantasies and craving all that even more as the days go by.

His mum thought Harry would be the one, and so did he, but with the way things are it all seems so delusional.

But a man could dream, right?

Louis sighed, eventually ripping his fond gaze away from the beautiful boy and glanced toward his beer. Thinking of getting a drink as he was feeling quite parched. Yet, he felt like time came to a standstill when he notices the way Zayn is just stared at him suspiciously. Like he was trying to figure him out like a puzzle and Louis felt heat inching to his cheeks.

_Fuck._

He’d been caught. Zayn saw him fucking _staring_ at Harry like he’s the most magnificent thing in the world.

Louis wanted to push his face into a pillow and scream for eternity.

When the film came to an eventual end, and they shut off the telly, Louis needed Liam to come get his boyfriend ASAP. Almost whining when Zayn asks him to go down to the carpark to keep him company before his man got here. Meaning a smoke break where it was the two of them. Not Harry in equation whatsoever. This can’t be fucking happening…. It just can’t!

And damn Harry for mentioning that while they’re outside, he would clean up their mess. Of course.

Louis didn’t want to go with Zayn, but he did. Standing with him out front and it’s too damn quiet for his liking. Usually, he had no problems accompanying Zayn on his smoke breaks. It was a norm for them. However, what all happened back up in their flat made Louis feel uneasy about it.

Trying to ease his nerves, kicking at the little pebbles underneath his feet. Hands stuffed into his pockets, and not even daring to stare at Zayn right now.

It was quiet out here. The street wasn’t as busy tonight, and Louis knows he's quiet. Zayn knew that too, normally there would be something on the tip of his tongue. Gossiping or complaining about whatever it was. Yet, all Louis could do right now was be mute.

But eventually the silence between them breaks, and Louis felt frozen over when the words fall from his friend's mouth.

“What's going on?”

It wasn’t meant to be a friendly exchange about his life. Louis isn’t that fucking dense, okay? He knows Zayn is probably trying to put the pieces together. Curious about whatever it is happening because he’s looking in on the outside. Zayn didn’t know nothing and so catching Louis at the most inconvenient times acting strange, of course, he interested. Like, they’ve been mates for a while now, and they’re pretty close. Not like long times besties as that was the roles of Harry and Niall. Yet, Zayn knows Louis enough to know something was up.

And it’s fucking terrifying even to think for a moment that Zayn would eventually figure it out. That Louis is undeniably and ardently, in love with Harry.

What if he tells Liam? Or even worse, Niall? Like, he didn’t want to explain himself, especially if Harry ever caught any wind of that. Telling his mother was one thing, but telling someone that in their social circle? Hell no.

Louis would rather break a bone before dealing with that.

After taking a small breath he snapped his gaze up to his mate and swallowed thickly, Zayn eye’s were on him as he took a drag of his cigarette. Curiosity in his eyes and then blowing out a cloud of smoke into the night air.

Louis just shrugged, deciding to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

Zayn just stared at him openly for a moment, blinking almost as if he couldn’t believe how ignorant Louis was being.

“Don’t-” Zayn words were cut short when Liam’s car pulled into the carpark, and Louis felt saved. Never had he ever love Liam more than he does right now. He’d kiss him right on the cheek if he could.

Then the car pulls up into the empty spot beside them, and Zayn tossed his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. Louis could see Liam through the window giving him a little wave with an unreadable expression etched across his face, then glanced down at his phone. It was apparent Zayn and Liam had a long night ahead of them, and Louis only hoped for the best.

Maybe resolving things with Liam would clear Zayn’s mind up and forget about Louis’ weird behavior altogether.

Fingers crossed!

After Zayn bade his farewell and told Louis to text him about more party planning stuff, Louis watched the car disappear down the street before heading back up to his flat. Eager to spend some alone time with that stunning boy that held a special place in his heart.

When Louis stepped onto the flat, the first thing he noticed was the background noise. It was Hysteria by _Def Leppard_. The corner of Louis’ lips quirked upward when his eyes drag across the room at the bluetooth speaker and his friends phone beside it. Then the next thing his eyes fall on in Harry sat on the couch with his stretched along the top of the couch giving him one of the most softest looks in the world.

Louis wanted to go over there and cuddle with him. Nuzzle up into those arms and be held. Fuck, he wanted that so damn _bad_.

But instead of wanting to act brave he made his way over and was about to claim the spot beside his friends, that was until his feet slipped on the damn sheet he had set aside earlier, and he fell right nearly fell over onto Harry’s lap. Catching his fall as he braced the cushion of the couch. There were hands on his waist that were there the moment he fell, and Louis never felt more embarrassed in his life.

“Sorry, sorry!” Louis apologized, ready to break away and kick the damn linen to the side.

“It’s fine, Lou.” Harry murmured, his hands not moving from Louis’ body. “You okay?”

“Yeah, you know loving the fact I’m almost all over you.” Louis joked, trying to mask the nervousness in his bones at how close they were. But to no avail, the next thing that happens can't mask any of his nerves.

“You can stay if you want.” Harry mentioned so casually that there were no hints of playfulness, just serious.

What the fuck?

Did Harry just say what Louis just think he said? Implying that he wanted to keep Louis close right now? To have him in his arms? On his lap?

Louis must be dreaming or at least be hallucinating because he’s never had this happen before. Not since they slept together.

But you know what? Louis wanted to stay. He wanted to bask in whatever Harry would give him because who knows when the next opportunity presents itself? And not only that… what if Harry is soon off the market again?

It’s a terrible thought that makes him into a sour mood, but it’s realistic. Ever since Ellie had been gone, Louis tried to make his mark. Show Harry that maybe he wasn’t a bad choice and would love him unconditionally. You just never know what life could throw at you and Harry could be off the market tomorrow for all he knows. Because what he’s learned from this whole Ellie dilemma was that he’d always be the last to know.

However, Louis was positive there was no one else.

So, you know what Louis does? He adjusts himself, so he’s sat on Harry’s thigh, arm around his neck, and there's a hand on his knee. He could smell the fairness of coconuts in his hair when his nose brushed up against the curly strands. Heart racing a million miles a minute when the palm on his knee gives a little squeeze. Then there’s an arm around his waist, and Louis never felt more at home in his life.

“Hi.” Louis murmured, trying his best to not stare down at Harry’s lips.

“Hey.” Harry responded, there's a smile dancing on his lips.

For a moment, nothing else is said between them as Hysteria fades into Love Bites. It’s kind of surreal being here in Harry’s arms like this. Relaxing against his friend's touch and nearly mewling when he feels the fingers on his side slowly start to caress against him. It’s one of these moments where Louis felt that maybe everything’s not so unrequited and it’s mutual. That there’s a possibility, they could be more, and yet are too afraid to take that step. It’s something Louis liked to think about right now, cursing at himself when his eyes glance down to those supple pink lips. Having a strong desire to capture Harry's lips and kiss him all night long. Hands in his hair and on his body somewhere. Lips becoming raw and bitten until their sore. Louis never wanted something so bad right now that was merely inches away.

The last time their lips met, Louis took it for granted. Knew he should’ve appreciated it more when they had that _special_ relationship. Because thinking about it now, had Louis’ mind in shambles.

He opens his mouth to try and break the quietness, but nothing comes out. Snapping his mouth shut as their gaze held until Harry broke it, and they were on his lips then on his eyes. Ping Ponging back and forth, like he was calculating something, and Louis’ stomach was all fluttery the longer this game goes on.

Then the next thing he knows the hand on his knee is gone and fingers sliding against his cheek. Not even daring to blink because he felt so captivated by Harry’s touch. Wanting to nudge against his friend's hand and have more of his touch. Be spoiled with it.

He doesn’t know who leaned in a little forward, but they were really close to each other's lips. Louis wanted to pass out. His eyes started to flutter close as the fingers on his cheek slid to the back of his neck, and he was being pulled in. Feeling warm breath fanning along his bottom lip and digging his fingers into Harry’s shoulder.

All Louis had to do was take the plunge and go for it. His lips were right there in front of him. Like he was doing it on purpose to tease Louis and mess with his mind. Make him want his best mate even more.

And he does.

Then he could feel the softness of Harry's lips brushing against his and Louis was shaking. Trembling because he was so overwhelmed and wanting it so bad. _So fucking bad_.

But the sound of the front door opens, and Louis is shocked back to life, pulling away, and eyes snapping over towards Niall who wasn’t at work. Kicking off his trainers and rubbing at his temples, and Louis felt frozen in place. Like he couldn’t breath when Niall finally noticed their compromising position and his eyes widen.

Why was Niall here? Why?

Louis' heart was thundering in his chest and speechless. For someone so talkative, he's been so wordless lately.

“Your home.” Harry finally peeped up, his hands fallen off Louis’ body and Louis just moves to his feet. Heat inching to his cheeks when adjusts his top, wondering if this night could get any worse?

First Zayn and now Niall, who's next?

“Yeah, my head’s killing me, couldn’t take it, so I called Donovan to cover me,” Niall explained, letting out a groan. “All I wanna do is sleep.”

Harry’s off the couch and going across the room to cut the music off and Louis wonders if he should follow in Niall's footsteps. It’s been a long day, and he’s not so sure how much more he could take before he bursts.

“I’m right there with ya, Nialler.” Louis finally admitted, his bed sounded quite nice right now. “Think I may call it an early night.”

“I second that,” Harry added, and something in Louis wanted to go lay with Harry more than anything, but he knew he should probably distance himself a little. It was becoming harder to resist him, and he doesn't want to do something he’ll regret. Not tonight.

“I’m gonna go find some paracetamol, lads..” Niall sounded drained, and Louis felt terrible. Any sort of head pain was the worst, especially the kind where you can’t even get on with your day. Hopefully, Niall would feel better soon.

Now it was just two of them when Niall ventured into the kitchen.

They share eye contact for a moment, and Louis knew this was where they part, say their goodnights, and don’t see each other until morning. Laying under the covers missing his friend and knowing it was for the best.

Louis wasn’t sure if he’d be capable of sleep, but only time would tell.

Harry has this smile that wavers dancing on his lips, scratching at his cheek, and brows pulling in. He seemed to be in two minds about whatever it was going on it that head of his. Yet, he ends up right in front of Louis in seconds, pushing the fringe away from his forehead and smacking a light kiss against it.

There's a hand on his shoulder giving him a little squeeze before it’s gone and the next thing that happens is Harry muttering out, “Sleep well, Lou.”

Louis just stands there and blinks, watching Harry pull away and turn on his heels before vanishing into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

He just lets out a sigh and traipsed his way into his bedroom, deciding to spend the rest of his night engulfed with Tumblr.

So that’s where he ends up, sitting cross-legged in the center of his bed, scrolling through his phone, and wondering if he should share with his followers about the day he had. First the whole Sean thing and then Harry. The kitchen thing and then being on his lap. The almost kiss they had, or so he thought that was. It was, wasn’t it?

It’s confusing, and he wanted to ask his followers what they thought about it. If he were blowing things way out of proportion and needed to get his head of his arse. But it’d make him feel better that he’d gotten it off his chest.

So, that what he does: taps on the post button, then the one because his life is in a fucking pickle right now.

_What do I do?_

_Do I choose a life I’ve had before but it’d be more refined? Where I’d have more luxuries and no having to worry about not having enough. To place trust in him again to check whether he genuinely had changed for good. To know, I’d be his one and only. Not his second priority. Because he wants me back._

_We’ve… I mean he’s brought it up. Implying it to me that he’d cherish me even more and I just don’t know if I believe him._

_Then there’s H. God, where do I even start?_

_We’ve been around each other for the past few hours, and we’ve had a few occurrences where I thought that maybe that he feels for me too. That he misses me close and that he wants to have a piece of intimacy back. Like, we almost… almost kissed. His lips were literally on mine, but they did nothing._

_We did nothing after that, and it’s beyond confusing._

_And I just…_

_I don’t know what to do._

_-L_

Louis sighed. He truly was stuck and stumped on what his life had come to, on the one hand, he had his ex-boyfriend begging him to come back and then on the other was Harry sending all these mixed signals. It’s exhausting.

After a minute or two of scrolling and reblogging various aesthetic pictures he checks his notifications. As any day, he had responses: some nice, some not so nice. Ranging from: _Do whatever feels best, babe_ and _Don’t worry about those dickheads, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, just have to look hard enough!_

Louis replied to a few messages he’d received about how he was feeling and few asks. The typical thing he had always done whenever he was online. It did help clear his head a little actually talking to some of his friends he’s made on there.

And that’s what he did for a little over an hour, just busting his arse replying to anything anyone had been curious about. Reading advice he didn’t ask for, but appreciated it.

But that all came to an end when abruptly the sound of a fist colliding with his door reached his ears from the bed. It was brief, and Louis didn’t have a chance to get up to see who it was. They let themselves in and shut the door.

It was Niall.

“What, Nialler?” Louis asked setting his phone onto his nightstand. His eyes on his friend that’s dressed in soft clothes and his hair no longer in a quiff.

“I’m tired, and yet the moment I lay down, I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“So you come pester me? I’m not exactly the life of the party tonight, you know I’ve had a long day.” Louis quipped, scooting over to let Niall in the bed.

They don’t lay in bed often together, unless they’re binge-watching reality shows on the telly in Niall’s room. But it was nice, Niall was great company that didn’t make Louis feel things. 

Niall climbed into the spot next to him and laid his head down on the pillow. Letting out a huff. His eyes closed and Louis just rearranged himself to lay down as well on his back. Pulling the covers close to him as he turns off the lamp on the nightstand and darkness takes over.

“But you’re a talker, so talk, maybe I’ll be out like a light in no time, Lou.” Niall said flatly.

Louis scoffed. “Okay, first of all, fuck off,” what Niall said hurt his pride, insinuating he was boring enough to pull his friend into slumber. Niall just chuckled, that dickhead. “And secondly, give me a moment to think.”

It seems like they’re laying there for hours as Louis thought about what to tell Niall. It was quiet, and Niall hadn’t egged him on to start jabbering away the longer he lays here. He wondered if he was half asleep by now.

And the more he laid there, the more he started to think about Sean. About everything that happened when he showed up out of the blue. Making Louis feel things he hasn’t felt in a long time and the slight sadness too. They’ve gotten so close again, and Sean had been proving himself every time they were in touch. Hell, Sean wants to get back together in the future, and that’s so much for Louis to think about.

Them together again and the fact his ex-boyfriend was changed. He meant t when he said it and Louis didn’t believe him at first, but he does now. But that doesn’t mean anything for them.

Yes, he talked about this with his most loyal and curious followers on his blog earlier, but he thinks maybe if he confides in his friend that possibly he’d feel better.

Niall did say he’d listen to whatever it was Louis had going on in his mind.

“Sean came over today, ” Louis started off, his voice soft, and he’s unsure if Niall was even listening. Probably already fast asleep. But, Louis’ not stopping. “And ever since he came I’ve been so confused.”

Louis took a shaky breath, drawing the blanket even closer to his chest. His dull eyes staring into the void of darkness. Knowing his facade was at its breaking point.

“He wanted to marry me.”

Wetness began to pick the corners of Louis’ eyes, blinking the sadness from his eyes because he doesn’t want to feel this way.

“And I’ve wondered if I would’ve stayed and forgiven him, if I would’ve said yes.” Louis' voice started to crack, it was one thing to tell this to his followers, but to voice it aloud? It was hard. Especially to one of his best mates that seen him fall in love and then watched his relationship with Sean crash and burn. Knowing how heartbroken Louis was in the end. “If I’d be happy.”

A lone tear slide out the corner of his eye as his chest ached, he wished he didn’t have to deal with this.

Why did Sean have to come back? Why?

And why was he so fucking stupid to allow it?

He’s torn.

Louis' eyes were shimmering in tears, and he feels ashamed. He should've listened to himself back on Valentine’s day. To not bother at any sort of friendship with an ex-love because all it’d do would make life harder.

It did.

Louis felt the weight of a hand on his chest and the body next to him sliding close. Latching onto him and warm breath fanning along his neck as Niall cooed, “One day you’ll be loved by someone that’ll cherish you,”

Niall words were affirming and sweet. He wished there was some truth to that, but he feels like there isn’t anymore love to give.

“And you’ll be the happiest you’ve ever been.”


	12. XI

When June fades into July, the days pass by in a blur. Many of those days were spent working doubles and doing whatever he could to save. A lot of late night party planning with the gang, and sometimes it’d be just him and Donovan. Trying to get everything in order and having a couple of beers just bullshitting through the evening like they’d known each other for years. Hearing all about Niall’s crushes life from the highs and lows. His love for indie music and golf. Oh yes, Louis heard all about the golfing club Donovan was apart of a majority of his weekends to relieve stress.

As much as that topic had wanted to put Louis to sleep whenever it was brought up, it was nice to get to know the lad even better. In fact, as the days went on and more time was spent organizing the well awaited party, he started to consider the heartthrob a mate.

In fact, they’ve been texting on and off mostly about Niall’s birthday and Don asking what were good ideas for a night out on the city? What was Niall’s favorite food and if he liked to dance, just the basics.

And honestly? It was kind of fun trying to make Niall look good for the dow eyed beauty. Suggesting mildly romantic things that would just make it a night to remember. He tried everything to make things happen for Niall. Even if that meant accompanying Donovan to a golf shop because he was _such_ a good friend.

But even as he got to make new relationships and shit, nothing was better than all the time he spent with Harry. They’ve been so good lately. Hanging out mostly every day (when they weren’t working) and night. From midnight film marathons and a plethora of board games; video games and late night walks; bowling and drinks at the pub. Just anything to pass the time and it was nice. To actually feel better about the way things were going now that they had gotten all that time back that they’d lost.

It was refreshing to feel that way because it’s been far too long.

He never wanted to feel like they’ve grown apart again, it was one of the worst feelings in the world.

Harry may not agree with some of his decisions in life. From being mates with Sean and everything that happened in the past with Travis. But, it’s whatever. Louis could say the same for Harry's choices in past partners, but he’d rather not touch that subject ever.

But overall, he was happy he’d gotten a piece of his life back, and that’s all that mattered.

And now it’s the middle of August, the weekend before their trip.

Louis was sat at a table swallowing down the lite beer he had while Liam talked his ear off about his managerial duties at the gym. It was boring as fuck, but he let his mate blabber on while Zayn sat there beside his boyfriend nodding his head along to whatever bullshit he agreed with. At least they stopped bragging about their Greece trip that they had gone on last month, Louis couldn't afford to feel envious anymore. It was draining.

But the good thing is, Zayn and Liam were still going strong, even if they still haven’t resolved their financial woes.

“I’m just so exhausted, feel like I haven’t slept in days.” Liam complained, running his fingers through his hair. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, and his beard was much thicker than before. Louis truly didn’t get it, why he was even torturing himself. Being sleep deprived and having not enough time in the day to do things.

Zayn rubbed Liam’s back tenderly, staring at his boyfriend with soft eyes, and a slight frown dancing around the corners of his lips. Probably on the verge of wanting to care for Liam, head back home and get a full night's rest.

It kind of made Louis miss that feeling, to have someone that would care for you. Would be there for you when you’re at your lowest. Making your days brighter and being nothing but supportive even if sometimes they didn’t agree with whatever it was going on.

That they’d be there for you no matter what.

But he’d sworn off relationships after two heartaches because he knows his heart can’t take another heartbreak. It’s bad enough he’s still vehemently in love with his best mate that gives him all of that minus a loving, committed relationship.

“Maybe you should use that noggin of yours for once and actually quit one of those shitty jobs,” Louis commented, because it was the most logical reason, obviously.

Liam just glared at Louis for a moment before he said tersely, “All I’m trying to do is provide my family a nice place to live and the comfort of not living paycheck to paycheck. Is that so bad?”

Louis watched the way Zayn’s eyes lit up and the corners of his lips sliding upward, he was beaming. 

“Family?” Zayn asked gently, and it was a sight to see when Liam’s face softened, and he nodded, his eyes on his boyfriend. They were so sickeningly cute it made Louis wanted to throw up.

But Louis won’t lie, it was better than them arguing over the little things that did even matter at the end of the day.

“I mean, yeah. Unless you don’t want me to consider you the most important person in my life? Because that may be a bit of a hard request, babe.” Liam cooed out. “Because I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

The corners of Zayn’s eyes crinkled and Louis watched as they stare at each other fondly, he felt like he was intruding on something private. He should look away and let them have their moment, pretend he couldn’t hear a damn thing. Maybe go bother Donovan who was at the bar tending to mildly intoxicated customers demanding another drink. Or shitface drunk, but you get the gist. However as much as he’d like to go schmooze with Niall’s prince charming until Zayn and Liam were done being sickeningly adorable, he didn’t feel up to moving.

Not when he’s gotten an open seat next to him that was being saved for someone special.

“I love you.” Zayn murmured out before he leaned in and pressed a kiss against Liam’s lips, his arm hooked around the back of his neck, hand resting on his shoulder. Pecking at each other lips like they couldn’t get enough of each other and Louis was pretty sure by the end of the night they won’t even make it to their flat before they start slobbering all over each other and hands fondling below the belt.

Yeah... Louis wouldn’t put past them, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“I know you two are wanting to get this pub a show but fucking hell, you’re making me depressed over here.” Louis chuckled, earning a glare from Liam when he broke from his sweet kisses with Zayn. “Don’t look so stern, Liam. Not a pretty look for ya.”

“Fuck you, Louis.” Liam griped, and Louis smirked, at least he was getting some amusement out of this.

“I mean I’d fuck me too.” Louis laughed, he was so brilliant. So damn comical that even Zayn giggled a little, but Liam the cranky bastard didn’t think it was funny. Huffing and pulling away, crossing his arms over his chest. Zayn hand now on the back of Liam’s neck and Louis could see his fingers moving, probably scratching at his skin or caressing to calm him down.

“Do you get off on being a smartass all the time?” Liam questioned, his brows pinched together. “I adore you dearly, I do, but it’s times like these where you make me want to rip my own hair out.”

Louis brought his beer to his lips and took a sip, wondering when Liam would stop having temper tantrum soon enough.

“Li, stop,” Zayn crooned, his eyes had concern just swimming in them. “ You need to relax and not let him get to you, okay?”

Give it up for Zayn on being the mediator between them as per usual. It’s kinda funny how Zayn had never not once told Louis to shut up or back off. Only trying to soothe his overly reactive boyfriend that to things way too fucking personal. Louis may be sensitive too, but shit, he can take a joke.

Louis gulped down even more of his ale and let the two lovebirds to themselves for the moment. His mind wandering to that exciting adventure coming up next weekend, the best three days of his life. Or at least they will be. As far as Louis knows they’ve got plans to leave before the sunrises and only make a few stops as possible. Having a hodgepodge stash of snacks to munch on and a decent supply of water bottles. A long playlist of music of their choosing and a spare blanket in case it got a bit chilly in the cabin of the car. Louis doubted they’d need it as it’s hot as balls out, but Harry insisted.

But, they still had somethings to go over and agree on until the time comes. Which was fine and Louis was just so glad that they were still doing this.

Maybe that's what he needed all along, an escape from the bustling city with his best mate.

Suddenly, Louis heard the chair beside him screech against the floor, and there's a body popping down into the seat beside him. Something nudging him in the arm and Louis tries to suppress his smile when he flicks his gaze towards Harry.

“I take it Niall had other plans?” Louis asked teasingly, noticing that their Irish friend was nowhere to be seen just yet. Normally he’d be already here and admiring Donovan from afar, mustering up any old excuse to go chat him. “I mean if so he’s picked the wrong night, his hunky barman is here.”

Harry shook his head, his eyes solely on Louis when he said, “Actually, he’s primping his hair in the loo, so he might be a while.”

“How am I unsurprised?” Louis couldn’t wait for the day Niall actually grows a backbone and just asks the man out for a drink. Instead of trying to keep up his appearances to try and seduce the lad with the tightest pair of trousers. But, for as long as Louis had known Niall, it’s more unlikely than you think.

The corners of Harry's lips quirked upward, and Louis noticed his mate didn’t even have a drink. Nothing

And Louis, being well, Louis wanted to be a decent friend for once.

“Do you need me to get you a drink, Harold?”

Harry shook his head. “Nah, not drinking tonight, someone's got to be the responsible one, right?” Harry quipped, a little chuckle falling from his mouth.

Louis just nodded his head to that before swallowing down more of his drink. Feeling heat start to color his cheeks because Harry wouldn’t stop staring at him, like he was waiting on Louis to continue chattering about.

And Louis just stares back at him and shines a small grin at him, feeling his phone buzz against his thigh, but he ignores that for now.

Harry eyes shifted to Louis’ drink before he met his eyes again and asked: “Did you want another, Lou?”

Louis gave a passing glance to his beer that was almost gone. It was only his first one of the night that he's mindlessly drunk, so another wouldn’t hurt. But no more than that.

Then his attention fallen back onto Harry who was staring at him hopefully, like he was almost eager to buy Louis another.

“You don’t have to, H.” Louis had more than enough for another drink or two, in fact, he had more notes than he could count in his wallet. Thanks to the ever so _generous_ ex-boyfriend that felt the need to give him another massive sum of money because Louis’s laptop needed fixing as it got cursed with a virus weeks ago. Of course, Louis tried to give it back, but Sean wouldn’t take no for an answer and told him to bank the rest.

It was still odd to him, being given banknotes like it was nothing.

He doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t think he ever will.

“But I want to.”

Louis was about to object once again out of guilt when Liam’s voice flew across the table.

“I’ll take one! I’m in desperate need of another, this one isn’t doing much justice of making me feel better.”

“Me too.” Zayn chimed in, and Louis just watched the way Harry sighed, his eyes fallen on the couple. “Actually, could go for a shot of whiskey instead.”

“Do I look like ‘m made of money?” Harry quipped, letting out a chuckle. “I’ve got a tenner in my wallet for fun money, that’s it. The rest is for bills.”

Zayn scoffed. “Yet you just offered to buy Lou another drink, tell us how that’s fair?”

Harry open his mouth and then closed it like he couldn’t come up with an explanation. Just getting to his feet and Louis felt something tickle the back of his neck. Flicking his gaze up to his mate who nodded off to the side, gesturing for him to follow.

“We’ll be back.” Was all Harry announced as he started to walk off, and Louis got to his feet and followed after him.

The bar was too crowded for Louis’ liking, he had to smoosh himself between Harry and a heavyset man, it was hot and irritating. It was bad enough that the damn place was warm to begin with. The fact that they’re stuck here waiting on Donovan to finish up with whoever he was serving, was the worst. He got elbowed in the side by the drunken man beside him that did _not_ apologize, and he nearly fell onto Harry when the guy decided to be an upright prick and bump back into him, laughing with whoever was beside him.

Louis huffed, about to give this man a piece of his mind when he felt a hand on the small of his back that slid to his hip and pulled him close. The corners of his lips sliding upward when he felt a slight squeeze and lips brushing up against his ear.

“You okay?” Harry asked, not so much in a whisper as it was quite loud around them, but Louis nodded. He was fine. Actually, really fucking happy right now.

Then the lips were gone, and Louis glanced to Harry and commented, “yeah, ’m good.”

“Good.” Harry beamed, his hand not moving off Louis’ body, just resting there possessively and protectively.

And it never did, not until they’d gotten their slew of drinks and headed back to the table where Niall finally showed his face, whining about how gorgeous Donovan looked tonight. You know, the usual boy drama Niall spews every time Don’s working. Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, Louis didn’t appreciate was the questionable gaze Zayn had given him when he set the shot of whiskey down in front of him before reclaiming his spot.

What was his fucking deal lately? Seriously?

Ever since that night he’d gotten caught ogling Harry during films, Zayn had been acting quite strange. From the curious yet fishy stares whenever Harry and him would be around one another to the weird as hell conversation, he’d caught the tail end of.

Like that the time Louis had gone to the pub with Zayn and Niall as Liam and Harry had a meeting. Zayn was feeling a bit lonely being home by himself, so they went out. It was when Louis went to the toilets and had come back that he caught the end of whatever Zayn was snooping around for.

“How can you not see it, it’s so obvious, Niall.” Zayn stated quite passionately, like he needed his point to get across like it was a life or death situation.

“It’s not my places to say you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

“But, he won’t tell-”Zayn started to say but his words were cut short when Louis squeezed back down into his seat, and he just let out a heavy breath.

The subject ended like that and Niall started to talk about how Donovan looked fit with the little bit of stubble he had sporting that night. Just going on and on about how dashingly handsome the bloke was.

And ever since then up until right now, Louis tried to play it cool around Zayn. He didn’t want to explain himself or anything, he’d rather just not deal with that. Last thing he needed to happen was Zayn playing detective and finding out about his feelings and then going off to Liam who could end up sharing it with whoever else.

Yeah, not happening.

“Do you think I should just go up there and cheer him up? He looks stressed.” Niall questioned the group before giving a glance over his shoulder once more before he looked back on them. “Besides I haven’t even gotten my beer yet.”

“Sorry about that, Nialler. Would’ve gotten you one but I already had taken orders.” Harry apologized, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

“I mean Harry’s not wrong, you could be the highlight of his night and actually put a smile on his face.” Liam added for good measures, bringing his beer to his lips.

“I’m always excited to see Li when he comes home from work, so I’m sure he’ll appreciate you being the there for him.” Zayn chimed in as well, leaning back into his seat and crossed his arms against his chest. “Just go for it, what do you have to lose?”

Niall still seemed a little hesitant to get his arse in gear and move it. Maybe it was the crowded bar that deterred him away or the fact that Donovan seemed kind of on edge, almost like was about to fly off the handle that gave him a little bit of hesitancy.

And Louis decided to speak up because it was his turn to give Niall that final push of confidence to go up there and get the man of his dream’s attention. Because he won’t know if he doesn’t try.

“If anything you could always look at me and I’ll be up there to rescue you,” It wasn’t the best thing he could come up with, but it was something. “I’m your wingman, remember?”

Louis wanted to fucking cringe when he said it, but it brought a smile to Niall’s face, and that’s all that mattered.

“You boys are the best, I don’t know what I’d do without ya,” Niall beamed, already pushing his chair our and patting Louis on the shoulder. “Wish me luck lads, I’m going in!”

When Niall left them to go flirt with the handsome barman, Louis swallowed down some of his beer that Harry ended up buying for him despite telling him not to. Whatever, at least it's free.

But other than that, Liam and Harry dominated the conversation, mostly about their workplace problems with some guy. Zayn just nodding to whatever Liam complained about, as if he had an actual job there and knew the juicy stuff.

Louis didn’t even bother adding his own two cents because it’d be pointless anyway, not like he had anything to add to the fire.

His eyes were on the love story unfolding right in front of his eyes at the bar. The way Donovan smiles and laughs at whatever Niall just told when he wasn’t busy focusing on demanding customers. Licking his lips and his eyes contact steady. He seemed much more relaxed with Niall when he grasps the edges of the bartop and leans a little forward. Tilting his head a little and saying something to him, and Louis may be far away from them, but he can see the fireworks burning in his eyes.

And the next thing Louis knows is Niall nodding his head excessively and Donovan’s tending to intoxicated guests that needed another drink. Niall turns on his heels, and he's glowing, the happiest Louis had seen his mate in years. Donovan must have said something that caused it, and Louis needed to find out how.

It was probably something so trivial like usual, maybe about Niall’s top or shoes yet, that still didn’t mean he was curious.

Niall was beaming when he had come back with a beer in his hand, not even bothering to sit down because he grabbed ahold of Louis’ bicep and said excitedly, “Lou we need to talk, ASAP!” 

“What's going on?” Liam and Harry asked in unison, the conversation about the vet hospital had come to a pause, but Niall paid them no mind and didn’t even give Louis a chance to wipe his mouth before dragging his out of his seat and leading him out into the hot summer night.

Niall eventually let go and squealed, Louis was just so glad they were alone. Not having prying eyes and curious ears wanting to know what the hell Niall’s freaking out about this time.

“What, Nialler?” Louis asked the obvious, stuffing a hand into the pockets of his jeans. “You dragged me out here for a reason instead of letting me enjoy my drink, so spill it, go on.”

Niall clasped his hands together against his chest, and he was still gleaming ear to ear. This had to be good. 

“He asked me out, he _fucking_ asked me out!” Niall exclaimed. He sounded so happy, and that warmed Louis’ heart. “Donovan actually wants to take me out the day before my birthday, can you believe.”

Thank god for Donovan following through on his word, now Niall will definitely stay home. Which will make the whole party plan a go. Not only that but it was nice to see Niall smiling over this. At least things finally seem to be going the way they should.

It was about damn time.

“He did?”

“Uh, yeah! He wants to take me to a concert and then to dinner, Lou!”

The corners of Louis’ lips quirked upward at that, it sounded like a date. This night couldn’t possibly get any better for Niall. Well, maybe if Donovan kissed him, but that’s an improbable situation, but Louis’ opinion still stands.

Donovan won major brownie points tonight, and Louis had plans to ask Don about that night. Because he’s a nosey bastard, okay? Not only that, but Louis could maybe… possibly influence some decisions if he charms the hunky barman enough. As long as Niall has the best two days of his life, then that’s all that mattered.

“So you’ve gotten about a month to prepare for this date, ‘m sure you’ll find the perfect outfit and everything to woo him,” Louis said calmly, feeling his phone buzz against his thigh once again. Ignoring it completely for now because right now Niall was far more important. “Shit, maybe he’ll kiss you by the end of the night.”

Niall gasped, his arms fallen slack at his sides. “You think so?”

Louis nodded, because who was he do shoot down Niall hopes and dreams of a fairytale ending?

“Oh my god, I’d die.” Niall nearly moaned at the thought. “He probably has the most softest lips ever that are just so kissable,” it was almost sickening how enamoured his mate was with this boy for so long, it was maddening. “I’ve gotta go tell the lads the good news!”

And then like that Niall had abandoned Louis as he hustled back inside. Bumping into Harry who was making his way out the door, and nearly screaming to him that this was the best night ever before shutting the pub door behind him. Leaving behind a curly haired beauty that looked confused and yet so soft.

“Okay, so what's going on with that?” Harry asked, now standing in front of Louis, pointing his thumb at the entryway. “ I think that’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.”

“Don asked him on a date, basically,” Louis explained, bringing his hand up to fix his fringe that started to fall in his eyes. “Just hope he doesn't embarrass himself in there, last thing we need to deal with is Niall sulking around because he’d gotten a weird look.”

“So I take it _John_ is officially out of the picture then?”

Louis shrugged. “Your guess is good as mine, H.” Niall hadn’t given any updates on the whole relationship fakery bullshit in weeks or really talked about it. At least not to Louis that is. Wouldn’t be a shocker if Niall told Don his nonexistent boyfriend moved away and now their cross country lovers that lost their spark. He wouldn't put it past the bastard. “Let's just be glad he’s finally going out with Don, let’s just hope something good comes out of it.”

“And all the credit goes to you, Lou.” Harry wasn’t wrong about that, if it weren’t for the _big birthday extravaganza_ and him schmoozing the dreamboat, then they’d be stuck in the same limbo. Niall dreaming over ludicrous scenarios of a storybook romance and sulking for days when everything seems to be an endless plateau of crushing from afar.

“Now don’t make me feel spoiled, Harold. I shouldn’t take all the credit, this whole event revolving around Niall’s love interest had your hands in it too.” Louis wasn't about to take all the credit, he wouldn’t even be half finished if it weren’t for his mates. “I mean it was my idea, but still.”

Harry breaks into a grin and Louis wonders how someone can be so fucking gorgeous. It’s not fair. 

“Either way, it’s gotten your name written all over it, and he’s going to have the time of his life, thanks to you,” Harry said endearingly, stuffing his hand into the pocket of his trousers. "Then again, you’ve always been a wonderful person.”

Louis’ heart flutters at the compliment, and the corners of lips start to slide upward, glancing down to the pavement for a moment before staring back into those heavenly green eyes. It was one of those moments where he wished he could have had enough courage to just pull him close and cuddle him under the streetlight. Nestle, his face into the crook of his neck and stay there in his arms. He so desperately just wanted to feel affection from his best mate, but he knows it’d look bad. Especially if Zayn, Liam, or Niall come waltzing out and witnessing with their own two eyes on what's happening.

Not only that, but he’s afraid if they did that and someone saw them, Louis wouldn’t have had it in him to hear the denial. Not tonight.

It fell silent between them for a moment, the longer Louis stood there, the more he wanted to cave into his urges. Eager to take a step closer and just do it. He knows Harry wouldn’t pull away or look at him strangely for wanting affection.

But he never speaks up about what's on his mind because Harry beats it to him first.

“Do you wanna ditch them?”

Louis raised his brows at that, interested at the mere thought of them actually skipping out on lads night together. Not like the latter would notice anyway, they’ll be too focused on Niall’s soap opera romance and getting pissed. Louis would much rather spend the rest of his night with Harry, no doubt.

It’s not even a second thought, honestly.

“And do what exactly? Because I expect to be entertained, you know.” Louis asked teasingly, he wouldn’t give a damn if it were the most mundane thing in the world, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But Harry didn’t need to know that.

Harry licked his lips, still beaming at him with that stupidly adorable dimple staring back at him. “ Hang out, talk about our trip coming up, you know finalizing plans.”

That did sound delightful, didn’t it?

Spending the rest of their time on their road holiday, something Louis’ is _genuinely_ excited about. Where he managed to get three days off and had a little extra cash in his wallet. To spend never ending time with one another like they used to when they were younger.

Of course, Louis would rather do that then sit around back in that pub, he isn’t that dense.

“Sounds like you’ve got me for the rest of evening then.” Louis murmured softly, trying not to sound too excited. Even though his stomach was filled with butterflies because he’s stupidly smitten with the man.

“I was hoping you’d say something like that.” Harry beamed, pulling car keys from his pocket.

When they’d gotten back to their flat ten minutes later, they wasted no time to grab one of Harry’s old notebooks from uni that had spare paper and pens. Sitting down at the kitchen table and writing out a small list of things they wanted to do. Places they wanted to stop and things to try. Harry was mostly set on the whole _no electronics unless it’s an emergency_ crap again because he claims it’ll take away from the experience. But he also did mention he’d love to have a nice dinner the last night before they head out. Which Louis was on board with.

Because in a way, he knows from an outside perspective they’d look like they’re a _thing_ and he’s okay with that.

In fact, Louis would have no problem with anyone thinking Harry was, in fact, his boyfriend throughout the whole darn trip. Maybe then the creeps and desperate men would buzz off.

One thing though that he kind of wasn’t on board with was the fact that their hotel rooms would have two beds. Which meant fewer chances of any type of sweet attention or cuddles. Basking in the warmth beside him and having an excuse to touch him. Waking up next to him and noticing the morning light peeking through the blinds striking across his face softly. Falling asleep with arms around him that he knew would keep him safe no matter what.

It’s just another reminder that Louis was stuck in this sad reality of one sided feelings.

For the remainder of the time they spent working on their excursion details, they had a mutual agreement on taking turns driving. Harry would take the wheel the first day and the last, Louis met him in the middle offering to drive the second day. Which was fine, it wasn’t his car, but Harry trusted him enough to drive it around without causing a serious accident or driving recklessly to get to their hotel faster. Other than that, they decided that the last day they’d leave bright and early with minimal stops. Wanting to have as much time as possible to enjoy the rest of their day off at home before returning back to the chaos.

It was nice actually sitting down and talking about all this. Even if they were small details compared to the bigger plans of their trip, they still mattered. They did to Louis because every second counted and he wasn’t about to waste any minute of it.

Because he’ll be damned if he didn’t cherish it all.

Eventually at some point Louis’ in his room, already dressed in his softer clothes because he had no plans to waltz around the city. Not only that but he wanted to feel soft and look inviting because he sort of… maybe... invited Harry to come watch some films on his own telly in his room.

And Harry said he’d love too.

Louis was situating his messy bed around, making sure they both had a decent amount of pillows. Hopeful that at some point they end up ignoring whatever movie was on the telly and just lay there, entangled together. In a perfect world, there would be oodles of sweet kisses and featherlight touches. Forgetting the world and savoring every last moment of it.

If only…

There was a small knock at his door and the sound of it opening, causing Louis to flick his gaze toward the culprit. The _ridiculously stunning_ bastard that wanted to make Louis burst into flames because he thinks it’s okay to be shirtless and his joggers to ride so dangerously low. A piece of clothing in his hand, wanting to make Louis’ night a living hell.

Hopefully, that was a shirt he had in his grip because Louis wasn’t sure how well he could behave if his mates going to be next to him wearing only _that_.

“Hey Lou, before we hunker down for the night, ‘m gonna shower to cool off if you don’t mind?”

Fucking hell., of course, he is.

“I don’t.” Louis muttered out, trying his damnedest not to gaze any lower than his mate's chest. No need to be caught, thank you very much. “Just don’t take too long or I’ll start the film without ya. Whether your here or not.”

Harry chuckled. “Of course you would.”

The next thing that happens is Harry’s in front of him, staring down at him with the warmest smile and adoration dancing in his eyes. Louis' heart was skipping beats the longer he lingered there until the finally spoke up and held out the piece of clothing in his hand.

“I finally remembered to give this to you, because fair is fair.”

Louis took it gingerly from his mates hands, as if it were fragile and afraid it’d break. The corners of his lips starting to quirk upward when he inspects the item. He can’t believe Harry still held onto his word. It was the _Poison_ shirt from their bet.

How was this equitable though? Harry clearly won that night, not him. It was confusing yet exciting that he had had a piece of him. A small, tiny part of his loves life. It probably smelled like him and Louis wanted to sleep in it. He wanted to strip off his own top and replace it with this beloved item.

Yet, he doesn’t make a move and just smiles up at Harry who's gotten the softest expression towards him at the moment. It made his tummy all fluttery.

“ But you won, not me,” Louis murmured, his eyes not leaving the beautiful boy. “And I know you love top just as much as that Def Leppard one.”

Harry licked his lips, and that was beyond mesmerizing, Louis tried to keep focus. Which had started to become increasingly harder every damn day. That was a massive fucking problem, wasn’t it?

Because being caught was the last thing he needed to happen.

“Yeah, but I promised it to you.”

Harry didn’t promise anything, but Louis didn’t correct him on it.

They lapse into silence for a moment, staring openly at one another, and eventually, it had broken when Harry cooed,

“ I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you’ll always be a winner to me.”

And before Louis could even say a word, his mate was already on his way out the bedroom door. Leaving him behind with a heart full of love.

*********

Louis had never been a morning person or had the desire to ever start. He loved sleeping in. Yet, sometimes life wanted to throw a curveball his way and change up his routine. Like on this fine Friday morning, it was five in the morning.

Yes, that’s right, five in the _fucking_ morning. Where Louis should be nestled into his bed and dreaming sweetly until noon. But no, he should’ve known it was a bad idea to even agree on such an idea in the first place. Especially knowing his own self that loved those precious hours of sleep that he couldn’t get back.

But what could he do?

On the brighter note of being sleep deprived, he was about to have Harry’s full fledged attention for the next three days. So that was the positive he had to keep looking at because nothing, absolutely _nothing_ could spoil this for him.

It was their long-awaited road trip, and Louis couldn't wait for the moment they’re on the motorway because he knows for sure he’ll fall into a nap on the way to Cambridge. Especially with no distractions to keep him preoccupied, but that was fine by him. At least this mornings drive would be the shorter one, thank fuck.

Just sucks that he won't have a day to sleep in, because Harry the stingy bastard suggested they’d leave their hotel by seven at the latest for the last two days. Mainly if they wanted to go out and do things. Next time Louis was picking the destination and one place alone.

If he ever has the opportunity again that is…

“I’m so fucking tired.” Louis whined to no one in particular but to himself as he doused cold water over his face. All he wanted to do was go drawl in bed and lay down. They were leaving in twenty minutes, and Louis needed a burst of energy right now.

After he grabbed a towel to pat off his face with, he stared into the bathroom mirror. Rearranged his soft fringe that was a little more lax than normal. He wasn’t up to do any of that fancy bullshit, so he just flat ironed it to make it look halfway decent. Because washing his hair the night before and going to sleep with it wet was a _very_ fucking inane thing to do. He wasn’t about to go out into the world looking like a mess, he had some respect for himself. Even if that meant joggers and a _Dashboard Confessional_ shirt to pair. Simple and yet so comfortable for the mood.

“Good enough for me.” Louis murmured to his reflection after he smoothed out his top, not even touching the subject of shaving. Nope. Not today.

When Louis finally decided to emerge from the toilet, the first thing he saw was Harry dropping his holdall onto the floor next to the entryway. Dressed in the tightest pair trousers and a vintage band shirt, his curls looked extra bouncy this morning. God damn, he looked so fit.

What an unjust!

How is Louis supposed to do this trip and have his mate looking like _that_? Sitting there next to him, bracing the steering wheel, and being all arm. Those gloriously carved limbs that Louis wanted to just feel. It was going to be a long road ahead of them and Louis’ just so glad his friend decided to not wear shorts.

Louis cleared his throat and let out a tired sigh. Watching the way Harry leans to stand back up, a smile curling around the corner of his lips when he looks at him.

“Hey you, ready to go?”

“Well I didn’t stay up late for nothing, are you that dense, Harold?” Louis teased, chuckling a little at his own brilliance.

Harry just pouted and crossed his arms. “You're so mean to me sometimes, I don’t know how I put up with you.”

“Because you love me?” Louis beamed, making his way over to his own bag that was sat on the sofa. He needed to do a last minute check to see if he had grabbed his phone charger from his room. “I mean what else could it be, right?”

“Doesn’t make up for the fact you strive to be a cheeky bastard everyday of your waking life.”

“I mean I’m just being me, Harold,” Louis said in defense, feeling relieved when he finds the cords for his phone in one of the compartments before zipping it back up. Dragging his eyes back up to his mate who's just standing there with softness etched across his face. Warmness just glowing in his eyes and Louis wanted to go over there, melt into his arms. But he doesn’t move and adds, “I mean I get it, your obsessed with me and wanna have me around, but you just can’t handle me.”

Harry’s smile falters into a smirk, and he took a step closer. “On the contrary, I can take whatever you give me.”

Louis swallowed, glancing up to his friend who was illuminated by the soft light from the lamp on the end table. His mouth gone dry, he had a comeback, but now he had nothing. Zilch. Zero.

“I’ve known you my whole life, I’m pretty sure you’re the one who's stuck with me, whether you like it or not.” Harry murmured, reaching out to push some of Louis’ fringe back. “I’d rather lose everything then not have you around.”

Louis’ heart fluttered at those loving words, his belly was doing summersaults. “Me too.” It came out in more a whisper, but it was the truth. He couldn’t imagine what life would be like without his best mate and he doesn’t think he ever could.

They fall into a comfortable silence for a moment, Louis wanted to step a little closer, and wrap his arms around his loves waist. Nestle his head into the crook of Harry’s neck and just press a gentle kiss against his throat. Brushing his nose against his skin and feeling those strong arms around him, holding him tight. God, Louis needed a cuddle more than ever in the moment. He was exhausted and sleepy.

In a perfect world, they’d go back to bed for a while and lay with one another. In each other arms and legs intertwined. Sweaty and hot from the humid summer morning, not giving a care in the world. Sleeping a little longer and then head off for the weekend.

Yet, Harry was stubborn, and that was nothing more than a pipe dream.

“We should probably get going, especially if we wanna stop for breakfast when we arrive,” Harry spoke up, pushing his hand into his own pocket and then pulled out his keys. “As I’m sure you’ll be up for that.”

“I believe you know me too well, my friend.” Louis chuckled, grabbing his bag from the sofa, ready to go slide down into that car seat for the next couple of hours. Lean back and relax for as long as he wanted while he had his friend right there beside him. This was bound to be epic.

Harry just smiled down at him before he turned on his heels and went for his own holdall, Eventually waltzing out the front door and Louis trailed after him, locking the door on his way out. He wasn't about to let Niall have the pleasure of a break in because they were too caught up in the moment.

Niall probably wouldn’t talk to them for years, and Louis just couldn't have that happen.

By the time they’re all settled into the car and buckled in, they wasted no time to plug in Harry’s phone for that infinite playlist of 80’s ballads. Which was fine, _really_ it was. Louis has the opportunity to have a radio take over tomorrow which he will utilize. Whether Harry whines about it or not. But on the brighter side of things, the first thirty minutes into the ride down the motorway, Louis could feel himself wanting to nod off.

His eyelids involuntarily shutting every few seconds the longer he stared at the road, listening to the mixture of various _Guns N’ Roses_ tunes and the rain starting to pelt down the window pane. Harry hadn’t said much to him, more so focused on the road and that’s fine. Louis was keeping his promise of the no cellphone rule as he tucked it into his pocket and that just added to his fatigue, honestly.

Louis let out a yawn and kicked his seat back a little more, feeling more comfortable this way when he hears the heaviness of the downpour started to hammering down onto the vehicle. Louis wasn’t how much longer he could keep his eyes open because this was pure fucking torture. Crossing his arms against his chest, almost hating the fact that the spare blanket Harry had brought with them was tucked under the driver seat. Wishing he had something to cuddle with or at least keep himself warm. Not that Louis isn’t sweating his arse off because he was, but he needed something, _anything_ to give him some comfort. God, Louis just doesn’t have the fucking strength to speak up because he’s so damn knackered.

And when he feels himself lull into slumber and closes his eyes, Harry doesn’t doesn't say anything about it.

When Louis had eventually slowly awoken, Cinderella’s _You Don’t Know What You Got (Til It’s Gone)_ playing softly in the background of the cabin. A warm and fuzzy blanket was covering most of him that wasn’t there before, and he tried to bite back his smile when he blinks the sleep from his eyes. Nearly whining when he looked at the time and only an hour had passed. Then flicked his gaze to his mate whose eyes were still on the motorway and driving along. The rain long gone in the direction they were heading, but still cloudy as ever. It’d probably have a nice downfall later on.

Louis uncrossed his arms and pulled the blanket up a little more, wrapping his fists into it and letting out a breath of air. He felt good. A little more rested and actually quite comfortable. Surprise, surprise considering Harry’s car’s passenger seat was one of the least cozy spots in the world.

But he was content.

“Are we almost there yet?” Louis asked, already knowing the answer. But what the heck, might as well actually try to make this whole excursion more lively than just sitting in silence. Not only that, but he maybe… possibly wanted an excuse to flirt with his best mate.

Harry turned down the volume of the radio with his free hand and gave Louis a passing glance. There's a hint of a smile on his lips. “Not quite, but we're getting there.” His friend's eyes shifted back onto the road before he added: “Have a nice nap, though?”

“Wouldn’t say it was one of those nice rejuvenating slumbers, but it did the job.” Louis said placidly, not bothering to recline his seat back up yet. He still felt quite lazy, honestly. “Anything happen while I was out?”

“Nah, stopped for a quick minute to get one of the water bottles from the cooler, that’s about as action-packed as it gets,” Harry replied, his gaze no breaking from the windscreen whatsoever. “Your phone went off though, twice I think?”

“And you didn’t think it was important enough to wake me, Harold?” Louis teased, one of his hands fished into his pocket and pulled out his phone. As much as he didn’t want to surrender part of his blanket, he was kind of curious who was trying to get a hold of him at six thirty in morning.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, you looked cute.” Harry quipped, a small chuckle fallen from his lips. “Besides, if it were important they'd still be blowing up your mobile, which they’re not.”

“Are you implying I’m not that important?” Louis smirked, bringing his phone out from underneath the blanket and pressed the home button. Nearly whining when he sees not only a missed call, but a text from Sean. Of course. What could his ex-boyfriend possibly want now and at this early in the damn day?

Louis decided to go check it out when Harry goes on to say, “I mean you're pretty much my precious cargo, so I think that makes you pretty important to me.” Louis just tried to suppress any sort of grin that wanted to break free at those sweet words when he goes to his messages and taps on Sean’s name.

‘ _ **Sean:** You know Lou, it’s kind of lonely in this big ol’ bed, kind of wish you were here x._ ’

Heat soared to Louis' cheeks, and he felt Harry’s gaze on him which did not help. Sean wanted a cuddle. An early morning one that implied Louis being there in bed with him. _Fuck_. How does he even respond to something like that? Like, he won’t lie in theory it sounded nice, to lay with Sean and have a snuggle, it’d be strictly platonic. He knows Sean wanted more, but he also knows his ex-boyfriend wouldn’t try anything to make Louis uncomfortable.

“Who was it?” Harry that nosey bastard, asked.

Louis just left the message on read for now and snapped his eyes up to his mate who was focused on the road. Louis was most definitely not about to reveal to his best friend who was also wanting his attention. Nope. Not happening. “No one, just-”

“You can tell me if it’s Sean, you know. I won’t be mad.”

It was if hell had finally frozen over because _what?_ That did _not_ just come out Harry’s mouth, did it?

__Never in a million years would he have thought... god no!_ _

__This must be a dream still, because what the fuck was going on?_ _

__“Are you sure about that?” Louis decided to play it safe and not exactly deny or confirm. Maybe Harry would figure that out on his own._ _

__Harry sighed, and Louis was certain he witnessed the way his friend's hand clenched at the steering wheel tighter. “Yep, ‘m fine.”_ _

__He surely didn’t seem okay about it, but Louis didn’t want to press the issue._ _

__The moment hung between them, uncannily quiet other than the soft sounds of the background music. Louis wasn’t sure about what he wanted to tell his friend. He knows they’re best mates that are supposed to share everything, even the deepest of darkest secrets. Yet, they’ve broken that rule so much he isn’t sure if they could ever get that back. Like, Louis wanted to tell Harry everything. About Sean that is… not the other _thing_. It’s the fact that he’s afraid if he shares too much, they may fight. The trip would be ruined, and they’d be back to square one._ _

__And Louis didn’t want that. He, however, decided he should at least be somewhat honest to appease his best friend._ _

__“He wanted to see me before we left.” Louis somewhat lied. It wasn’t exactly the words that left his ex-boyfriend's mouth, but it was close enough. Because wanting to cuddle Louis in his bed was close enough, right?_ _

__Harry wouldn’t know the difference._ _

__Louis could’ve sworn he seen an eye roll from where he was sitting, but he didn’t wanna place any bets on it. He could’ve been just seeing things._ _

__“And did you want to meet with him as well?” Harry questioned, there was a little bit of exasperation laced in his tone. It made Louis feel a bit anxious. He didn’t like where this was headed at all._ _

__“I’ll see him when we get back,” Louis decided it was the best answer he could give because he didn’t know what he wanted. “And you know what the funny thing is? he’s a lot clingier than I remember.”_ _

__Harry sighed heavily. There’s a visible flush coloring his cheeks and bitterness dancing around the corners of his eyes. Louis swallowed, pocketing his phone back into his pocket, he’ll get back to his ex later. Pulled the blanket back up to his chest and held it close, it may be a bit hot in the cabin, but he needed some sort of safety net for whatever Harry’s got brewing in that brain of his. God knows what will…_ _

__“He’s different this time around, in a good way.”_ _

__“Still doesn’t mean I like him, Lou. I really don’t see myself ever befriending him again, not after the way he treated you,” Harry retorted, glancing at Louis for a moment before he was focused back on the busy motorway. “Sean may claim he’s a _changed man_ and showering you with all the affection you deserved when you two were together. But I’m not buying into any of his bullshit, and I don’t think you should either.”_ _

__“What could he possibly lie about to me this time? Please tell me what it is because I’d love to know?” Louis didn’t mean to be a little snippy toward the curly haired beauty, but he feels there was a point to be made here. What would be the reason for Sean to come back into his life only to lie to him again? What would even be the point of that?_ _

__“Oh I don’t know, maybe pretend like all the other guys in his mobile don’t exist when he’s with you? Shelling out all these lies to you in hopes to win you back? I mean, none of this makes sense to me. Once a cheater, always a cheater.”_ _

__Louis gnawed on his bottom lip as he soaked in his mate's words, he’d only dealt with infidelity with Sean. Not any of his ex-boyfriends had been unfaithful or fibbed to him ninety percent of the time. Its just time heals pain, and people change. He gave Sean a second chance to redeem himself because he never let him have it. Because he was afraid that’d he go back to him and risk his heart being tattered even more._ _

__And now that time had gone, and they’ve grown, Louis' heart belonged to the man beside him. He’d forgiven Sean, and he may never forget the pain, but it was worth it. Louis just wished Harry could understand why he let Sean back in. He just doesn't think his friend ever would._ _

__“You know, I never been a fan of him from the start,” Harry added, and Louis moved his seat so he was sat up, having a better look at his friend. “Thought all he wanted to do was take advantage of you.”_ _

__The corners of Louis' lips slid downward, he knew Harry and Sean had a rocky _relationship_ for the first six months he was around. Not that Louis could blame his friend, Harry had always been overprotective of him. But they eventually got along, and the rest was history up until things went to shit._ _

__So Louis understood where Harry's coming from, he’s looking out for him._ _

__“And I’m going to be honest with you right now, every day I watched you be with him. It was the worst feeling because I knew he didn’t deserve you,” Harry stated, his knuckles turned a shade of white, and Louis' heart was in his throat. “I had to make myself like him the longer he was around because he made you happy. It may have killed me to stand there and watch him be with you, but I pushed my ill feelings aside because I did it for _you_.”_ _

__Louis’ heart dropped, he felt a tinge of guilt riding on it. Harry had done so much for him through the years. Always been there for a shoulder to cry on or vent to, making sure Louis was warm and safe. That he was there so Louis wouldn’t feel so alone when things were tough and would do anything to make him feel better. Harry was there for him when Sean broke his heart and kept around until his heart was mended. Harry had always put him first, and Louis always had wondered why he did._ _

__It was like it was his life goal to make sure Louis never got hurt._ _

__And it’s sad to say, but Harry didn't do his part when he ripped Louis heart right out his chest._ _

__It’s silent between them after that. Harry had turned up the radio, and Louis just stared out the windowpane, kept to himself. Relaxed back into his spot and the blanket still held close, and that’s how it was for the remainder of the drive to Cambridge. The only time when Harry had spoken up was when he asked Louis what sounded good for breakfast._ _

__It was quite strange, normally they’d have much to talk about to fill the time, but Louis can’t seem to open his mouth. Not after that whole thing with Sean and Harry. Can’t force a conversation to pass the time as he left his phone untouched since it was supposed to be an electronic free driving holiday._ _

__But on the bright side of things, it was a relief when they found themselves at a bistro called: _Café Rouge_ and had a nice hearty breakfast. The ice had been sufficiently re-broken between them which was a fucking relief, thanks to Louis himself asking Harry what sounded good. Their whole conversation was mainly their plans for the remainder of their day once they checked into their hotel._ _

__Stopping at a few museums and enjoying the views on a punting tour. A walk in at the _Wandlebury Country Park_ and Harry had also mentioned something about stopping by the Botanic Garden. Then finding themselves ordering takeaway before calling it a night._ _

__To Louis, it sounded like a nice day ahead of them._ _

__The hotel they had was decent, not exactly what Louis would love to call luxurious, but it was charmingly modern. Reasonably spacious and clean. Had two decently sized beds, even though one would have been better in Louis’ opinion. But he doesn’t complain when he dropped his holdall onto the bed near the window and unzipped his bag. Hoping they'd eventually end up in the same bed together at some point later in the night._ _

__But overall Louis was pleased, they ended up not even staying ten minutes before they hit the road again ( after Louis switched out his joggers for some shorts that is.) and off to one of the very first museums they came across. _Cambridge University Museum of Zoology_. Looking at zoology collections for the next hour and a half wasn’t very exciting to Louis, but Harry loved every minute of it. Taking his sweet, oh so very sweet time admiring each and every piece they walked by and read every single word presented in front of them. Captivated at best. It was fucking boring, and Louis was just so glad when Harry was ready to finally leave so they could go to the next one._ _

___Fitzwilliam Museum_ was nice, didn’t take nearly as long to go through than the last one. The artwork was beautiful, and the sculptures were interesting. All the exhibitions and displays were intriguing as well as the structure of the building. But Louis was thankful for the moment Harry brought up maybe they should go have a bite to eat before they go punting._ _

__For the remainder of their day after they had filled their bellies, they tried to fit everything in before the sun went down. Which was almost a success, they did pretty much all they wanted to do in the day, and it was nice spending time with his mate. They actually joked around and bullshitted like they used to do. Learning that Gemma wanted to come down again for a visit so she could go to Niall’s party. Louis had no problems with that, and he’s sure Niall wouldn’t either. Harry even threw in that maybe Lottie and Fizzy could attend as well, but Louis would have to ask the girls about that first. After all, they had lives, and god knows what they’re up to these days._ _

__But Louis was sure they’d go in a heartbeat if they could._ _

__Other than all that, they never went to the pub like they planned, instead ordered pizza and spent the rest of their in the comfort of their hotel room. Relaxing and nestled under the covers watching films. There was a moment when Louis wanted to go crawl into the bed beside him and nuzzle up to the curly haired beauty, but never got his chance. Harry had decided to go have a shower, leaving behind Louis who longed to have a cuddle._ _

__And as he laid there staring at the telly screen of some film he could care less about, Louis couldn’t help himself… he really couldn’t. His mind wandered the longer Harry was gone and stuck on the image of warm water cascading down every dip and curve of his mate's glorious body. Gnawing on his lip when he thinks about Harry rubbing soap all along his skin and feeling every bit of himself. Every part of him glistening and wet. His cock-_ _

__Fucking hell, Louis needed to stop this right now!_ _

__It was not the best time to be thinking like _that_ , hell no. First of all, he didn’t have any privacy whatsoever and secondly, Louis can’t have himself be slightly aroused of all things right now. Not when Harry could walk out any moment without a fucking shirt on and ruin Louis’ willpower completely._ _

__Louis tried hard to kill that image in his head and grabbed his phone from the nightstand, pulling it off the charger. Deciding Tumblr would be his best friend for now and could get his mind off his desires._ _

__Which did no fucking help whatsoever!_ _

__No matter how hard Louis tried to make a text post about his trip thus far to share with his followers or look at his dashboard. All he could think about was Harry in that damn shower touching himself. It was like his mind could only focus on one thing, and he couldn't make himself try to even type out a single sentence without wanting to scream. His own dick was wanting attention, throbbing against his pants the more he thought about the whole steamy shower fantasy in his head, the touching, pulling, groaning, and-_ _

__Oh for fuck sakes..._ _

__He’s so damn screwed, thank god for the blanket covering his lap because he had no solution to his _problem_ when Harry emerged from the loo in nothing but a pair of joggers that laid dangerously low on his hip. Fuck Louis’ life!_ _

__One thing Louis tried to do was break his gaze and just focus on the telly after he tossed his phone back onto the nightstand, because staring at that beddable body would just make things worse. But of fucking course life can't just be easy when Harry comes over and crawls into his own bed, on the side nearest to Louis. Louis wanted to scream into one of these damn pillows and just have a reality check. Harry is his friend, _best mate_ of many years, he needed to stop being attracted to him in every way. It’s frustrating and irritating. It was one of those moments where Louis wished he could rewind back the time about fifteen minutes ago and go for a walk around the hotel, you know to keep his mind busy with other things. Wishing Zayn was here to pick his brain or hear about his life problems. Unfortunately, life didn’t work that way, and Louis was stuck here with the problem._ _

__“Is this film any good?” Harry asked, turning off the lap and Louis glanced at his mate who was facing him, laying on his side. “I mean I kind of have the feeling it’s not since you were on that phone of yours.”_ _

__The corners of Louis' lips twitched upward, maybe chatting with Harry would get his mind things. Hopefully._ _

__Louis moved to be on his side as well, you know to be more comfortable. Even though his cock was quite painful at the moment, he wouldn’t dare step foot out of bed right now, not until it goes down. Last thing he needs is Harry to see what’s happening in his bottoms and give him weird looks. Yeah, he rather not._ _

__“Wasn’t really paying much attention, still quite worn out, honestly,” Louis wasn’t lying, waking up that early in the morning was kicking him in the arse. Slowly but surely. “Remind me again to never let you talk me into waking anytime before sunrise, ever.”_ _

__Harry snickered, ”But you survived, right?”_ _

__Louis rolled his eyes, the corners of lips slowly sliding upward. He wanted to reach over and touch Harry, but he was too far from him. “Don’t be a dick, H. At least you didn't come alone, because that would’ve been a snooze fest.”_ _

__Harry just beamed, probably impressed with Louis comeback, not that it’s any surprise. He was brilliant, thank you. “Are you implying I’m boring?”_ _

__Louis just stared at Harry for a moment, trying to bite back the grin coming into play, but easier said than done because Harry won’t take his eyes off him. “Sweetheart, your not boring, just your ideas of fun are a little… stale sometimes. Oops?’ Louis teased, adoring the little pout on his mates lips. “Now, now don’t look so sad, Harold. At the end of the day, you’re still my favorite person to talk to.”_ _

__Harry just blinked at him and then propped himself up on his elbow, his chest exposed and his skin illuminated by whatever was playing on the telly screen. Louis thought he looked warm and inviting._ _

__“At least it’s mutual, you're my favorite person in general. I wouldn't have brought anyone else with me on this trip.” Harry admitted, scratching at his chest that Louis was most certainly _not_ staring at. “Not even Niall and I love him to pieces, but I like you more, but don’t tell him that.”_ _

__“My, my you sure do know how to make a girl feel special,” Louis quipped, batting his eyelashes. Happy that the problem in his pants was no more and didn’t have to be worried about being exposed. At least something was going right. “Your secret is safe me though, don’t you worry, pal.”_ _

__“I can always count on you, Lou.” Harry murmured out, reaching for the remote, and then asked; “Did you want to watch anything or did you want to turn it off?”_ _

__Usually, Louis would still be up and on his laptop around this time, or his phone. Maybe watching some shows on his telly, three hours before midnight. But he was fucking beat, it was like everything had caught up to him. From the day's events to the lack of sleep the night prior, he was eager to get as much sleep as possible before doing that long drive to Plymouth tomorrow. Oh fuck, he didn’t feel up to that, but he did offer._ _

__“I mean I have a five hour trek behind the wheel ahead of me tomorrow morning, I think it should be obvious, shouldn’t it?”_ _

__“Don’t be so sassy, babe.”_ _

__“Oh you love it, don't you act like you don’t.” Louis said placidly, fluttering his eyes closed and not even a second later the room goes silent._ _

__The telly must’ve been turned off, and Louis hears sheets rustling about, and Harry let out a yawn. He must be knackered too._ _

__But as soon as Louis pulls the blanket closer to his chest, he feels a hand on his side, nearly flinching at the suddenness. “Didn’t mean to frighten you, Lou,” Harry whispered, and Louis just snapped his eyes open, he couldn't; see his mate, but he could feel him. “But um… can I-”_ _

__Louis didn’t even let his mate finish his sentence because he was already scooting over, making room for him. He wasn’t sure that’s what Harry had wanted, but he had high hopes that what this was it. Because why else would Harry touch him like this?_ _

__“Don’t hog the blankets though or I’ll kick you out, I mean it.” Louis wasn’t serious, but he was so fucking happy right now. Especially when he felt weight dip into the bed, and a warm body slid up against him. Heat inching to his cheeks when he moves to lay on his side, so they could spoon. As much as Louis would love to nuzzle against Harry's chest, all he wanted was to be held that way._ _

__And he can’t help it when his heart beats up against his chest when an arm slides over his waist and pulls him close, warm breath fanning along the back of his neck._ _

__No other words were spoken, and that was okay, Louis was content. Maybe he would get a good night of sleep this time around; hopefully, he would._ _

__It was when Louis was almost half asleep when his phone sounded off, ringing loudly, cutting through the silence. He groaned, because who in the fuck thought it was okay to ring him at this hour? Especially during his cuddle with the love of his life? Seriously._ _

__Louis ignored it and prayed whoever was trying to pester him in these hours would kindly fuck off, too damn tired to move and comfortable. Warm and protected. Nearly whining when the arm around him is gone, and the body behind him is moving, but whoever it was trying to get ahold of him the ringing was cut short._ _

__“Who was that?” Louis asked, softly. Feeling the weight of his friend's hand on his side and then slid down to the center of his belly. An ever so gentle of a kiss on the back oh his neck that made Louis have fireworks going off in his belly. He wanted more of that sweet affection._ _

__“No one important, Lou.” Harry mumbled fixedly, pulling Louis even closer that they were flush against one another. Nuzzling his face into the back of Louis’ neck and his breath warm against his skin. Louis just laid there with him and didn't ask questions._ _

__Staying entangled together until sleep slowly took them over._ _

__Come morning, Louis was awoken or more so gently shaken awake. Blinking the sleep from his eyes and a gentle press of a kiss against his temple. Harry mentioning something about to get a move on so they can beat the morning traffic. Then he’s gone, and Louis just laid there for a minute, already missing him, and hating the fact that Harry wasn’t already his. He should be. It makes Louis want to lay there and sulk over it, but he doesn’t and eventually get up and pulls his phone off the charger. Seeing he had a text notification from Sean from last night asking him if he was awake and says he tried to call. Louis just smiles and pockets his phone, he’ll get back to his ex-boyfriend later. Not wasting a minute more before he’s on his feet and deciding he should at least have a quick shower before anything else._ _

__It took a little over an hour to leave, and they were already behind schedule. Instead of they're strict _on the road by seven_ rule they left around eight-ish. Don't blame Louis, it wasn't his fault that Harry couldn't find his phone and come to find out it was in his back pocket the whole damn time._ _

__But other than that little mishap, they were on the road, and Louis didn't feel like driving. He didn't do it often, so he was a bit rusty, maybe been a year or two… or three since he's been behind the wheel. Whatever though, so what if he may have almost, _almost_ caused a _minor_ accident when he attempted to overtake and forgot to check all his blind spots… Oops?_ _

__However, Harry trusted him enough and said it wasn't a massive deal. Telling him to relax and that he's doing good. Nothing but praise as he fiddles with the radio and chats about to him about what they had for the day ahead of them._ _

__The first they planned to do once they’d gotten to Plymouth and settled at their other hotel, Harry wanted to go to the _National Marine Aquarium_ and then to _Smeaton’s Tower_ before they have lunch at some boathouse cafe thing. Louis, of course, threw in he wanted to go to a wine bar (more so a pub) and if they had time to stop by a beach. Louis hadn’t been swimming in ages, and he could use a dip in the sea._ _

__And that’s what was on their itinerary for the day and Louis couldn't wait to get there, even though they had about three more hours on the damn motorway. The one thing Louis couldn't wait for the most was when they’re finally alone in the comfort of their hotel room. He doesn’t know what it is, but Louis had a good feeling about later tonight._ _

__The rest of the drive to Plymouth was pleasant, and they chatted amongst each other about what sounded good for breakfast or more so brunch and agreed on possibly going to see a film at the cinema if they don’t make it to the wine bar or the beach. Which was fine with Louis, it was better than just sitting around. But other than that, the conversation between them went in and out every so often, sometimes it was just random comments about the bustling traffic and the lack of non-inane drivers that forgot how to drive._ _

__When they finally did reach their destination, Louis was thankful because his stomach was growling and he was parched. His water bottle gone warm hours ago and his bum was sore, couldn’t wait to stretch his legs. Truthfully, Louis didn’t put a fuss wherever they went for breakfast and when they’d check into their hotel that Harry choose the bed by the window. How inconsiderate, that was Louis’ designated spot! But, since he’s cute, Louis forgave him instantly._ _

__Also… maybe… they may just end up sharing a bed again. So that may be another reason._ _

__The first thing on the agenda for the day since it was quite nice out, despite the cloudiness, they would start at that lighthouse Harry wanted to go to then the aquarium. Which was nice and Louis had a lovely time at both. He could appreciate aquamarine life and a world-famous landmark. Getting to spend time with Harry was just as amazing as per usual, nearly beaming whenever his mate’s hand would be on the small of his back, guiding him around like a proper couple. Louis may have also liked it when Harry had accidentally touched his arse at some point when they were going through the Atlantic Ocean exhibit. Nearly crying inside when the hand on his body was gone and no longer returned. Louis hated that. He hated it so much because all he wanted was to feel Harry's touch and for a moment that they could be more than friends. They could be boyfriends that aren't afraid of public displays of affection and happily in love. But, it was nothing but an unreachable dream, and Louis just went about his day, trying not to sulk over it._ _

__After they grabbed some lunch at the houseboat cafe, they never made it to the beach because the rain came, so they ended up just going to the cinema to see two films which were just complete snoozefests. Louis barely paid attention as he was too busy loving the fact Harry’s arm was around him the whole time, during _both_ movies. Like… this had to be a sign, right? A good one?_ _

__Sure, it’d been ages since they actually went to see a film together, alone. But Louis doesn’t recall having so much affection. Like, Harry would give Louis his jacket or hoodie because it’d get a bit chilly or holding the popcorn so Louis wouldn’t have to. Just minor things that any long time best mate would do… right? Like, Harry’s kind and sweet, so maybe the arm around him thing was nothing more than platonic._ _

__As much as Louis wanted to jump to conclusions, he wasn’t about to let his guard down and read so much into something that may not be. Last thing he needs is to break his tattered heart even more._ _

__When all was said and done at the theatre, they once again didn’t end up at any pubs or fancy wine bars. They just got some hot food and some beers before they went back to their room, and that was okay._ _

__What a fucking relief it was when Louis finally had the moment to step away to take his long overdue of a soak in the shower before bed. Eager to wash away the day and change into that lovely _Poison_ shirt to sleep in, that he wore pretty much every night. So what if he did?_ _

__Not like anyone has said anything about it, it smells like Harry, and it’s comfortable. Warm and smelled like Harry. Cosy and oh? Did Louis mention it smelled like Harry?_ _

__The cold water felt nice against Louis’s warm skin as he washed away the suds on his body one last time. It felt nice to step away from the heat and cool off, feeling clean and rejuvenated. The only other thing that’d make the shower more special was if Harry was in here with him. Standing there next to Louis and touching him, kissing him, and being disgustingly adorable. Fingers laced through those wet curls and a warm palm on his bum. Nibbling at Louis’ neck and making him feel all sorts of things._ _

__If only…_ _

__Louis sighed, dipping his head under the showerhead once more before he decided to break away from his oasis. Turning off the water and carefully stepping out of the shower, feeling the water from his hair dripping on his shoulders and he ruffled his fingers through his fringe to ring it out, grabbing one of the towels from the towel rack and wrapped himself in it. Nearly groaning when he realizes he left his damn pyjamas on his bed. _Fuck_._ _

__Oh no, he was not about to put on those soiled clothes on the slippery, wet floor, hell no. So that meant he had to go out there, where Harry was probably laying in bed, looking all cute and cuddly._ _

__Louis just pulled the damp towel from his body, exchanging it for the last dry one and wrapped it around his waist instead, not bothering to make it stay up, just grasping it closed because he was going to make this quick._ _

__Not even giving a though longer, he grabbed the handle and let himself into the room because it’s not like Harry hadn’t seen all of him before._ _

__When Louis first walks back into the warm room, he wasn’t expecting to see Harry pull off his shirt and be in his almost naked glory. Fucking hell. Not in those incredibly tight black boxers that clung to every bit of him. _Shit, shit, shit_. Running his fingers through those decadent curls and tossing his shirt to his holdall on the luggage rack, Louis wanted to tackle him on the bed. Pepper his face with kisses and other parts…_ _

__Too bad that he doesn't have the balls to do so and just makes his way over, trying his best to not stare too much at his mate's beddable body. Of fucking course, his clothes were right next to Harry and his almost nakedness that should be illegal for putting Louis through all this damn turmoil._ _

__But when he does go over there, Louis didn’t expect for his foot to get tangled up in Harry’s trousers that were on the carelessly laying on the ground or when he tried to pull his foot free to bump into the hard body and a hand on his waist. His mate whispering “Careful, Lou.”_ _

__Louis froze up when he slowly drags his eyes up to his friend, swallowing, and unable to get any word out of him. Harry's just staring at him with a ghost of a smile dancing on his lips, and the hand on Louis is pulling him closer, Louis felt breathless. He wanted to reach out and touch him, feel his muscles and run his fingers through Harry’s hair. Kiss his chest and leave love bites on those lovely, _oh so lovely_ hips. God, what Louis would give to have that… mmm, he was so fucked._ _

__The longer they stay there unmoving and quiet, the more Louis’ heart started to drum against his chest. The more confident he felt to just touch Harry and break this damn boundary already, tired of not having enough power to feel him. To be close and just-_ _

__Then Harry’s lips were on his, hand in Louis hair, and body to body. Trembling and kissing back, his mind gone haywire at the way Harry coaxes his tongue into his mouth and the hand on him was squeezing ever so slightly. Whimpering and whining into the passionate lip lock as he let go of his towel and put his hand on Harry's back, because fuck it. Not giving a care if he was stark nude now or he was still quite wet from his shower._ _

__This can't be real life, it just can’t… but it is._ _

__Not once did Louis think for a for a moment he’d be standing here with Harry’s tongue panting his mouth or the hands on him._ _

__Louis clawed at Harry's back when their hips snapped together at one point, Harry swirling his tongue around his, and Louis’ mind slowly starting to grow intoxicatingly heady. The more they snogged, the more Louis was aching all over to just rip those stupid pants off his mate, they were useless and in the way of what Louis wanted. But all he can do with his other hand was to toy with the waistband, dipping his fingers inside the elastic. Not going further because he’s afraid if he went too far Harry may just pull away or worse, he’ll won’t be able to stop._ _

__They stay like that for a while, their lips moving ardently and Louis’ skin tingling. Nearly whimpering into the kiss because he feels a hand on his waist slowly slide down to his bum. His own nails pressing into Harry’s flesh at the way his friend squeezed and groped his arse cheek. Feeling his pulse racing and his dick hardening the longer this kept going, pushing down the band to Harry’s boxers ever so slightly._ _

__He wanted all of Harry, to feel like every bit of his body, and leave his mark. Scratch marks and kiss marks littered all along his hip bones. Tug at those luscious curls and ride him the way Louis knew would drive the beautiful boy crazy. To still feel him the morning after because he drove Louis’ mad._ _

__Louis almost whined when he felt the fingers untangle from his hair only to moan into his loves mouth when he feels the weight of Harry's hand on his shoulder. Guiding him to fall back onto the mattress behind them, adjusting themselves quickly, and Harry’s between Louis’ legs. Tongue shoved back in his mouth, and there's a hand on Louis’side. His own hands cradled at his mate's neck, wanting to keep him close._ _

__When their lips broke apart, Louis hadn’t had time to register what was happening next until he felt kisses going down his neck. Making him breathless and letting out a series of mewls, god he had always loved it when Harry was on his neck._ _

__Louis gnawed at his bottom lip, one of his hands sliding off Harry nape and down to his back. Scraping his nails and arching up into his best mate when he felt warm breath fanning along his throat. It was hot and sinful and just made Louis want a love bite even more._ _

__It’s been so long… _so_ annoyingly long since he’s had one and he ached for that._ _

__“You’re so fucking fit, babe.” Harry whispered out breathlessly, Louis gasped when he felt Harry lips back on his neck once again. Nibbling and sucking, being a damn tease because he must remember it drove Louis mad._ _

__“Don’t be a fucking dick.” Louis moaned out, it came out a little choppy and breathy, but it was playful. His cock was throbbing, and Harry thinks he’s so damn comical because he lets out this small chortle and gives Louis hip a little squeeze. God, only Harry can goof around and still be deviant in bed._ _

__And fuck it, Fuck everything, Louis just slid his hand down further and yanked down Harry’s pants as best as he could (really just over the curve of his arse was as far as it got), Louis didn't want to be the only one naked here._ _

__Harry nipped at Louis’ throat a little more, Louis' hand was pushed away, and the weight on his lower half was gone, but Harry’s mouth was still on his throat. Hearing fabric slid off his friend's body and then tossed to the floor, and then he’s back between Louis’ legs. Then Harry’s lips were back on his and Louis latched his fingers back onto his warm skin, clawing at it._ _

__Their lips were going to be so raw and bitten, and Louis was so here for that. Louis’ pulse was racing, and he was sure his shower was pointless now, because he felt on fire. The room felt ten times hotter, and the body on him was sweaty._ _

__Then Harry wanted to make Louis’ life hell and break the kiss once again, lips brushing, and Louis lets out a silent moan when he felt Harry steadily push up against him, their dick rubbing together. His toes curling at the sensation he hadn’t felt in ages and his mind gone haywire when it kept up. Harry was ruining him completely, and they haven’t even done much. It’s insane how much this boy affected him in the most sexual way._ _

__Never had Louis ever been close to an orgasmic state before the sex came, not with Sean. Only with Harry. Given, Louis had only slept with two guys in his lifetime, but damn Harry just did things to him that he didn’t think were possible, and it’s just beyond overwhelming._ _

__“Fuck me… just fuck-.” Louis tried to moan against his friend's lip, but the way their hops slid together had his quivering._ _

__Louis wanted Harry more than anything in this moment, and he was sure his friend wanted him too. Harry was kissing him needily and touching him all over, serving him a compliment, and naked. So fucking exposed. God, they needed to get on with it already before Louis loses control and comes._ _

__“I don’t have a condom, babe.” Harry warned, but Louis didn’t give a shit._ _

__“I don’t care, just… _please_.” Louis whimpered out desperately, it’s not like they haven’t done it without one before. Louis couldn’t fucking take it any longer, he wanted to feel Harry inside of him._ _

__“As you wish, princess.” Harry chuckled, peppering Louis’ neck with kisses and then he was gone, Louis was about to protest as his cock twitched against belly._ _

__Harry grabbed his wallet from his trousers and pulled a small packet from it before finding his way back between Louis’ legs. Surging back down to capture Louis’ lips with his own and a series of shivers ran down Louis’ spine._ _

__Then their lips broke again, and Louis just stared up at his friend, he was so breathtakingly handsome to him. His eyes dragged down to Harry’s thickness and licked his lips before snapping them back up. It’d been a while since he’s been with a man sexually, so he was sure it’d take a minute to get used to the feeling._ _

__And that’s okay._ _

__“Do you always carry around lube?” Louis teased, watching his mate rip open the packet and pour some onto his fingers._ _

__Harry smirked, his hand reaching down between Louis’ legs and flinched when he felt slick fingers sliding over his hole. Not even giving Louis any bit of warning to mentally prepare himself for those fingers. It just sent a series of hard waves through his cock and wanting Harry to push them in already. He can take it._ _

__“I mean.. You never know when I’ll need it.” Harry reasoned and Louis ‘ back arched when he felt himself stretch when Harry's fingers slid inside. His eyes fluttering closed as he clawed at the sheets, it’d been so long since he’s had any attention there… whether from a man or a toy. So it took Louis a second to bring himself back and push through it._ _

__Louis couldn’t help himself, truly he couldn’t when he felt another desperate finger slide right in and press up against that wonderful spot. Louis tried to stifle back the moan wanting to escape, but it was useless, Harry was making his blood buzz through his veins and his cock all tingly. It came out breathy and his fingers tangled into the sheets harder. Harry was driving him wild, and he wasn’t even inside of him yet._ _

__“That feel good?” Harry asked in a low groan, his fingers pressing harder up against that delicious spot._ _

__Louis managed to peak at him with one eye open and that face… that fucking pleasurable expression etched across Harry's face had one of Louis’ legs quivering. Feeling himself on edge already when he glanced down to Harry's finger fucking him and his other hand rubbing along his own slick cock._ _

__“Fuck.” Louis moaned out, his head tilting back into the pillow when his legs spasms again, an intense pleasurable feeling when his friends tapped the certain spot even harder._ _

__Nearly whimpering at the sudden loss when they were pulled out and only to be replaced with the tip of Harry’s cock pushing slowly inside of him, Louis legs wrapped around his friend's body in an instant to feel more comfortable when Harry came back down and smashed his lips against Louis’. Feeling full and hot, making grabby hands at his mate's sides as he got used to the burning feeling slowly. Kissing Harry back desperately and hating it when it was short lived, but his heart exploding when he feels the kisses once again go down his neck to his collarbones._ _

__“Tell me when.” Harry whispered out as he started to nibble and kiss at the dip and curve of Louis’ chest. Louis’ mouth gone dry and his ears roaring when he felt a sharp pain on his collarbone, nearly shaking at that. Mewling at the way Harry continues to suck at the spot before he gave it a gentle kiss before he peppered his lips along Louis’ skin until their lips met again._ _

__After sometime Louis had to tug at Harry's curls, hoping he’d get the hint to let him get a word out because Louis didn’t think he had enough willpower to stop kissing his best friend right now._ _

__Thankfully, Harry had gotten the hint and pulled off Louis’ lips, and Louis fluttered his eyes open, staring up at the gorgeous man hovering over him. His friend's pupils blown wide and his lips swollen. Louis could spend all night kissing him and was confident he could get off on just that with his friend inside of him not moving. But, Louis was a horny bastard right now and wanted more._ _

__“Ready.”_ _

__The corners of Harry's lips slid upward as he bent down to smash their lips together again, and there's a hand on Louis’ cheek, cradling it. Feeling his friend starting to slowly thrust into him and Louis grasped onto those delectable love handles even harder. Moaning into the kiss at the feeling he missed, the way Harry just pushes into him make his heart skip one too many beats._ _

__The last time they had slept together, Louis was on top of him and riding Harry the best he could. They were in his bed, fucking after a round of fourplay. He recalls Harry making him get off twice, making sure he was well fucked out of it. Louis never got to finish that blowjob you know, before Harry decided he was ready to make love to Louis. Which was fine, at least the last time they were together in this way was wonderful._ _

__And Louis had hopes that this was a sign of something good._ _

__Harry broke the kiss once more, his face pressed into the crook of Louis' neck, and Louis let out a shaky whimper when the momentum started to pick up. _Oh fuck_. Louis nails clawed and scratched at his mate's skin when the bed started to make little sounds. Harry’s body was warm and tacky._ _

__Louis was _aching_ all over because he wanted to touch his painful hardon, whining and moaning at every thrust his friend gave. It got faster and harder, and Louis started to feel himself let go._ _

__“You feel so good… so tight, babe.” Harry groaned out, his breath hot against Louis’ ear. Louis’ could feel his legs starting to quiver around his friend's waist when a loud moan fell from his lips._ _

__Hopefully, the room next to them wouldn't come knocking._ _

__“Not so bad yourself.” Louis managed to breathe out, trembling at the way Harry let out a little snicker mixed with whimper. It was so fucking _hot_._ _

__The more Harry animalistically fucked him, the more Louis was close to releasing. His cock was on fire and pulsating like mad under the weight of his friend's body. Louis nearly cried when Harry started to push hard up into him a certain way and started to kiss at his neck once again._ _

__Oh fuck. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_._ _

__It felt so good, _so_ damn amazing. Louis couldn’t contain himself any longer, he was shaking. Letting out a series of lusty moans and arching up into his friend. His legs unhooked and spasming against his mates hips._ _

__“H-“ Louis tried to mewl out, but his orgasm came before he could beat it to the punch. Harry gave harder pushes inside of him, and Louis' toes curled as he came, nails piercing at Harry’s skin. Drowning in absolute pleasure as he felt Harry kept going._ _

__Breathless and twitchy when he feels friend starts to pummel his hips a little faster than before and heavy groans fanning along his ear._ _

__Harry then pushed himself off Louis and onto his knees between Louis' legs, pulling out of him. Louis just stared as he watched Harry stroke himself off for a moment before coming, streaking Louis’ already messy belly and hips. Moaning Louis names as he slowly wanked himself dry._ _

__It was a pretty sight to see that Louis had oh so missed._ _

__Louis wanted to make grabby hands for him, but Harry just falls into the spot beside him trying to catch his breath. The air is hot and thick, Louis would have to shower again come morning, and that was okay. He felt happy and content, not regretting for a moment of what just happened between them._ _

__Like, he wanted to scoot closer and forget the mess and worry about it in the waking hours, not like he hadn’t done it before. But at some point Harry does leave him laying these on these sweaty sheets and come back with a damp rag, wiping Louis clean before tossing it to the floor. Not even sparing a second before he grabs the blanket from the other bed and covers Louis with it, eventually crawling back in and snuggled right up to him. Harry wasn’t saying anything, but his actions were louder than words when he pressed a kiss to Louis’ temple and put an arm around him._ _

__Louis felt the corners of his lips twitching upward as he moves to lay on his side, in the mood for some spooning. Not giving a care in the world if they don’t say anything because he finally had what he wanted and that’s all that mattered._ _

__And it wasn’t long before he was lulled to sleep by the soft sounds of his love breathing after they hit the lights._ _

__When Louis woke up, he was expecting a warm body next to him and tender kisses along his neck. Being told good morning and that Harry wanted to have a serious chat with him, professing his love for Louis as they lay in bed until they left to go home. Cuddling and holding hands because they could. Sweet kisses here and there, then Harry joining him in the shower._ _

__But, the fantasy was a stretch from the truth._ _

__Louis woke up to a cold, empty spot beside him and a sore bum. No sweet affections or loving words, he was alone. The shower was running, and as Louis sat up, he noticed Harry’s holdall was already packed, and there was a pair of Louis’ clean clothes that he saved for today on the other bed. No traces of soiled garments on the floor or rags, a laundry bag that sat by Harry’s bag, not even the packet of lube in sight anywhere._ _

__He rubbed the back of his neck and thought back to last night, how steamy and hot it was, the undenying passion between them._ _

__Louis thought… he just shook his head and decided to not think about it too much because maybe he was overthinking it all. So he carefully got to his feet and quickly changed into his clean clothes. Almost wondering if he could just hold off his shower until later tonight as he goes to the mirror by the desk._ _

__When Louis first looked at his reflection, he actually looked relaxed even though his hair screamed otherwise. It was a fucking mess. He smoothed out his fringe to his best ability until it looked decent enough. It’ll do for now, not like they had plans to go anywhere else but home._ _

__But… there was one thing Louis couldn’t help himself from doing, he pulled down the collar of his shirt, and there it was: a dark purple mark right on his collar bone. Reaching up to caress at it until he heard the water cut off and left it alone, going back to grab his soiled clothes (that they slept on apparently) and tossed them into his duffle bag.  
It was when Harry came out of the bathroom, dressed in joggers and a _Guns N’ Roses_ shirt, curls damp, and not even meeting Louis’ eye as he stuffs his garments in his bag._ _

__Okay then..._ _

__Louis doesn’t say anything, and neither does Harry, at least for right now. Louis just put his shoes on make his way into the toilet, closing the door behind him. Pressing his back against the door and putting his face in his hands._ _

__Are they okay? Like, they slept together, broke that boundary again after all this time, and now Harry’s not saying a word to him. Not since they had sex. Louis' stomach churned the more he stayed in his worrisome thought, deciding to splash some cool water on his face because maybe he was making this out of nothing. After all, it was quite early in the morning, and they had a long trek ahead of them._ _

__Yet, when Louis finally emerges back into the room Harry still acting off, not paying much mind to him other saying: “Are you almost ready to leave, Lou?”_ _

__And Louis tried to suppress any sort of frown wanting to make itself known because he _tried_ so fucking hard. Especially when Harry grabbed his bag by the handle and the key to the room._ _

__“Uh, yeah... Just give me a second to grab my phone.” It came out much quieter than intended, but Louis felt empty inside._ _

__Louis’ heart was already starting to cry when they don’t speak after that. He just grabs his bag and mobile before following Harry out the door._ _

__Having a feeling that he was going back to Liverpool with an uncertainty of what's to come._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me... the angst is going to be rather heavy for a while. It'll all make sense why the way things go the way they do in the upcoming chapters, but I promise in the end it'll be happy!! 
> 
> This chapter took me a while to write and was very hard... it's a very long chapter.  
> I'm sorry for being absent for so long. I had been busy with work and I'm sick at the moment. The next chapter is completed btw! so I'll update that in a few days when I've got a chance :)
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://statcounter.com/)  
>    
> 


	13. XII

“Lads, you seriously need to quit worrying about me, everything's fine.” Louis lied, bringing his beer to his lips. No, everything was not okay. Nothing has been great for the past two and a half weeks.

But Niall and Zayn were curious bastards that want to break down Louis’ walls and fess up to things. Well, more so admitting he’s been a sulking mess since he’s come back home. Well, okay maybe not since he got home from his road holiday, but a few days after. Still, they were nosey and wanted details. If Harry and him are had a little bit of a quarrel on their trip and brushed it under the rug. Well that or if any of this had to do with Sean, but Louis just played it coy.

Not like he’d admit to his friends that Harry and him slept together, hell no.

Louis just drank his beer, trying not to think about Harry. Trying not to cloud his mind over the fact that he’s felt somewhat detached from his best mate, because why should he make himself even more wretched?

It’s not Louis’ fault that it’s been days since they spent time together, alone.

And it just sucks because it takes two to tango and them going past those implicit boundaries wasn’t all on him. Harry kissed him, touched him, and did wonderful things to Louis that felt absolutely amazing.

But, apparently to Harry, it held no importance to him.

And here Louis thought, maybe something good would’ve come from all that.

“But you’ve been so not yourself, Liam’s even noticed,” Zayn commented, his crossed arms resting on the table, lent forward. Not even touching his pint because he was too fixated on cracking Louis. Go figure, the man’s been on Louis’ case for months now, trying to play detective. “Are you sure this has nothing to do with guy troubles?”

Louis shook his head, but the look in Zayn eyes were shining with doubt.

“Whatever it is Lou, I’m sure things will turn up,” Niall chimed in, what a great mate he was reassuring Louis to keep his head held high. Not pressuring him for answers that he wasn’t up to sharing. “Your one of the strongest men I know.”

Physically? Not in the slightest. Emotionally? Maybe.

But he knows Niall was only kissing his arse to make him feel better, nothing out of the ordinary.

Louis takes a sip of his beer, he needed to swerve the conversation into a different direction and fast. Maybe putting the spotlight on an even hotter subject would get the heat off him. This better work.

“But anywho, Niall I think I recall you mentioning to me months ago about going back uni, what happened to that?” It wasn’t the most exciting of conversation starters, but that doesn’t mean he won’t make it interesting. “I thought you wanted to impress Don for having a second degree, no?”

The corners of Niall’s lips twitched downward and hmm, maybe this wasn’t the best way to go…

“My dreams of opening my own pub are gonna have to wait, unfortunately, Lou. Don’t have time to go back to school, too busy.” Niall sounded so forlorn, and it panged at Louis’ heart. “I need to end my relationship with John first, before anything.”

Louis just stared at Niall for a moment, then shared a glance with Zayn before his eyes were back on his Irish friend and broke the silence

“Nialler, you do know he’s not real, right?” Louis asked, earning an icy glare from his friend. “Hey don’t look so grumpy, it’s the truth.”

“I mean all you’ve got to do is tell Donovan that you and John are over, I mean how hard can that be?” Zayn chimed in, Louis was so fucking glad he had back up here. He loved Niall dearly and could usually handle this himself, but sometimes he needed reinforcement. Especially since Niall seemed to misconstrue things from time to time.

Niall let out a long suffering sigh, running his fingers through his quiff. Acting as if this was the hardest thing he’d ever done. What a drama queen. Louis’ been to hell and back for having his heart broken twice, he should be the damsel in distress, not Niall. 

But, Niall was always theatrical when it came to Donovan, so this wasn't a surprise. 

Louis had a feeling that in the end after all this sulking happens, he’ll be the one breaking the news that Niall’s _back on the market_. 

And this kind of gave Louis a brilliant idea, maybe it didn't have to do with telling Donovan anything or Niall having to stress out about how to end things with his imaginary other half. Not wasting time as he pulled out his phone and shot Donovan a quick message to come down to the pub for a pint. 

His reply was swift, like he’d been sitting around waiting for someone to give him a ring or a text. Louis was thankful that the heartthrob was happy to show up, saying he’d be there in ten minutes or so. Casually throwing in that he was bored and had no other plans. Louis also suspected that Donovan may or may not be excited that Niall was here. Hopefully, he’d whisk Niall away somewhere and get his mind off that hell of a lie. 

It’d be a life saver, honestly. 

“Good news, Nialler, I hope you're ready to see the man of your dreams, he’s coming to see you.” Louis may have stretched the truth a little about the reasoning, but whatever. Niall didn't need to know that. “I invited him to-”

Not even letting Louis finish what he had to say Niall let out a gasp, nearly falling out of his seat, mumbling he needed to go check himself in the mirror. Abruptly vacating the area and heading off towards loo. Zayn just shook his head and took a sip of his beer, probably not too pleased with Donovan infringing on their lads night, whatever though. 

Niall needed some cheering up, and this was the only way Louis knew what would do the trick. 

“You better hope this doesn’t end up with Niall even deeper in lies, he says what’s ever on the tip of his tongue around that boy.” Zayn commented, setting his beer back down onto the table. “ This is your mess to clean up if things go to shit, you know.” 

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know. You and Harry have both told me this so many times, god. Can’t I do something nice for a mate in need?” 

“You could’ve at least warned me you’d extended an invitation to Donovan.” 

“It’s literally not a massive deal, Z. I’m pretty sure Niall will have a wonderful time with his crush, regardless. Besides it’s better than sitting here and watching him sulk over all those terrible decisions.”

“That you’ve talked him into doing.” Zayn countered, that bastard. 

Louis shook his head, “That’s bullshit, and you know it, he misinterpreted everything I told him.” 

“My point still stands, and I think you should come up with a solution and fast.” Zayn declared, tapping his fingers along the grain of the tabletop. 

Louis says no more after that, focusing on draining his drink dry, and Niall coming back looking all bright eyed. Like he had the life sucked back into him and eager to see the man of his dreams. Telling Zayn and Louis that in a way he’d hope that Donovan would finally invite him back to his tonight and have a nice cuddle in bed. Admit he’s fallen deeply in love and asks to be his boyfriend. Louis just let Niall voice his fantasies as per usual, Zayn, on the other hand, was just yet again shaking his head. Louis could see the slight flicker of frustration in his eyes. 

The conversation, or more so Niall moaning over what could be lasted up until Donovan’s arrival. Claiming the spot between Niall and Zayn before going to the bar and ordering a drink, and for Niall too. Which Louis may say is very fucking sweet of him. Didn't even offer to get Zayn or Louis one, and that was fine. 

Niall just sat there looking over his shoulder at the bar, and Louis didn’t have to be on the other end of the table to know there was fond etched across Niall’s features. A longing to go up there and be near the brawny man, find a reason to be close to him. 

It was kind of surprising that Niall hadn’t even thought to ever text Donovan to hang out, just the two of them. Then again, they’ll be alone the day before Niall’s surprise party and Louis couldn’t wait to hear everything that happened when the time comes. 

By the time Donovan comes back, he’s gotten two drinks in his hands, setting them down onto the table. One in front of Niall and the other in his spot, and then handed Louis a napkin. 

Louis furrows his brows when he seems a phone number written on it in red ink. Of course.

“I didn’t catch his name, but he wanted me to give that to you, says he thinks your fit as fuck.” Donovan explained, now sat between Niall and Zayn. Taking a sip of his beer before he added, “The older man, mid-forties at the bar, I think. He’s a handsome man.” 

“Good looking or not, not interested. Sorry.” Louis tossed the napkin onto the table carelessly, ignoring those questionable looks he was receiving from his mates. Too busy downing the rest of his beer to feed into whatever's on their minds right now. 

Niall and Zayn should know better than give Louis shit about random men skeevy attempts to try and pull him at a pub. Sadly Donovan didn’t know that and wanted to put his nose where it doesn’t belong. 

“You didn’t even give him a look, though.” Donovan pointed out that Louis was very well aware of. The last thing Louis needs is another man in his fucked up equation of a love life. 

“I wouldn't waste your breath, Louis’ not one for pub hookups.” Niall informed his crush like he hadn’t implied for Louis to go get laid cruising the clubs and bars before. “Last guy he was with was ages ago.” 

Zayn on the other hand simply said nothing, but he had this knowing look as he took a sip of his ale. It screamed he knew too much and that scared Louis a bit, there’s no way that Zayn knows... right? 

Louis was so sure he hid that love bite he’d gotten on his road holiday with Harry fairly well. Like, he can’t possibly know. Zayn wasn’t there, and sure as hell Harry hadn't spread the word on it or else Niall would’ve said something to him by now. Or maybe it’s Zayn thinking Louis had slept with Sean at some point since he started to hang around again? 

Like it’s a reasonable assumption, a lot of people sleep with their exes. 

So maybe Louis was having an internal crisis for nothing. 

“But Lou could get any bloke in this joint if he wanted without even trying, honestly.” Niall affixed, swallowing down some more of his drink. 

“Oh stop it, Nialler. You're making me blush over here.” Louis quipped, holding his hand against his heart in mock affections. The corners of his lips quirking upward. He hadn’t smiled like this in a while. 

But it was only a temporary.

“Well it’s true, you’ve had what? How many guys wrapped around your finger all these years?” Niall continued to prove his point, and Louis just felt heat slowly inching to his cheeks. “I mean you even had a straight man wanting your attention back in the day.”

“Are you sure he was hetero?” Zayn chimed in, leaning back in his spot. Pulling out his phone and his eyes on his mobile screen before he typed away on it. Probably had a text from his boyfriend or one of his sisters. 

“Yes Zayn, he even said so himself.” Niall defended, like he had a soft spot for Morgan all these years, when in fact they haven’t spoken since their younger days. Then again, Morgan was the key wooing the captain of the footie team back in the day.

Still though, Zayn had a point. Louis had always wondered why that boy always had low key _flirted_ with him. 

But the past is in the past. Louis had other things going on his life that were more mentally exhausting than worrying about some guy leading him on.

“Just because you always seem to think I can get any man, doesn’t mean I want one. I’m fine being alone.” Louis commented, even those his heart said otherwise. 

Zayn just sat there, staring at Louis openly, thumbing at his ear, and lips pressed together. Louis could see it on his face, and that made his anxieties raise. Zayn knows as much as Niall and Liam do. He hadn’t the slightest clue that Harry had Louis heart in his clutches for the past two years and a half, nor did he know anything about Sean. That an ex-boyfriend wanted something more from him in the end. No one except himself knew it. 

And that worries him deeply that Zayn’s been acting a bit suspicious whenever Harry and him were together. Particularly the days from the past few weeks, the night they came back to Liverpool, Zayn cornered Louis on the balcony. Disguising his underlying reason to have a smoke, but it all came down to an inquisitive question in the end. _What really happened?_ And Louis just played it off and told Zayn exactly what he said to him earlier on in the day. Trying not to think so so much about the steamy night before. But Zayn just gave him the same dubious look that sat on his face, and Louis knew eventually pretending something didn’t happen could only go so far. 

Zayn was bound to find it all out, and Louis just hoped it wasn’t on his own hands. 

“At least Jay’s not trying to set you up anymore, that’s a plus.” Niall’s voice flew across the table, beaming like he was the first to point it out that Louis’ mother wasn’t pestering him with blind dates. 

Louis already knew the moment his mum found out about his feelings for Harry that she wouldn’t ever try to push a date on him. Not again. Not after she only did it to try and make him happy, only to fail miserably because his heart was already taken. If only Louis could tell Niall the truth, but for now he’s just going to play it safe. 

“I mean… you're not wrong about that. Every time I went home, there’s always a man she thinks would be good for me. I’m just glad she finally got the hint.” Louis expressed, it truly was nice not having his mum down his neck trying to find him a husband. It was quite rewarding to be open and honest with her, sometimes. “Can finally live in peace.” 

“I don’t really have a place to say any of this, but for as long as I’ve known you, any man would be foolish to pass on you. When the times comes to find someone, of course.” Donovan added, he’s so fucking sweet. God, Niall and him needed to be together ASAP and get on with it, the man even knows his way with words toward a mate in mild distress. 

Hopefully that date Donovan is taking Niall on will be good to them. 

Louis had his fingers crossed. 

As the night carried out, they sat there and down their drinks, getting rounds one after another. Louis didn’t stop either. His own moral compass went out the window the more he sat here drinking away his sorrows and watching Donovan flirt with Niall shamelessly. Everyone was intoxicated and forgetting the rest. Zayn was whining at some point because he missed Liam and wanted him here, ringing him and begging him to come to see him. Liam never came because he was at one of his night shifts. Zayn ended up crying saying he felt unimportant anymore and Louis tried to comfort him. Consoling to his best-intoxicated abilities that he should talk with Liam tomorrow morning before he’s off to work. Helping him calm down from his minor drunken breakdown in the middle of a pub. 

Eventually Zayn did stop being sad over whatever rough patch was going on between Liam and him. Downing even more drinks before stumbling away towards the toilets, abandoning Louis to himself back at the table. 

Niall and Donovan have long gone to the billiards, leaving behind their nearly gone beers. Donovan had a hand on the small of Niall’s back at some point, slowly sliding down until it rested right above his arse. Niall just stood there and touches his arms all the while they were their inching closer as minutes go on. Louis had a feeling in his bones, in his veins that something was there. It wasn’t exiguous or insignificant, it was evident. Something would come of all this, possibly tonight. With the way Don’s being with Niall as time goes on, he had a feeling tomorrow morning would be telling. 

“Lou,” Zayn slurred out, Louis felt his shoulder being jutted back and forth quickly, and warm breath fanning along his neck. “I want to see Liam.” 

Oh boy… here we go. 

Louis just glanced at his friends whose pupils were blown wide and a frown dancing around the corners of his lips. Zayn really missed Liam, didn’t he? Second time in the night he’s almost in tears because of an absent presence of his favorite person. Louis could understand it in a sense, but not fully. Zayn’s been in a committed relationship for seven years, not Louis. He lives with Liam and barely gets to see him anymore, practically lives on his own as bad as that sounded. Louis never experienced that, so he doesn't know how Zayn feels or what he’s going through. 

He wishes there was a way he could help get his mates mind off his boyfriend troubles, but all Louis could even do was tell Zayn to go home and sleep it off. Take some pain meds, pop in an uplifting film, and lay with Jinx. He’ll see Liam in the morning. It wasn’t his best advice he could give, but it was something. 

Zayn just whimpered and pulled his mobile from his pocket and Louis watched him attempt to type in his phone. Putting it to his ear and then apologizing to his own mum that he meant to call a cab instead. Louis didn’t know what Trisha had asked him, but Zayn started to talk to her or more so slurring about not feeling like a priority anymore, Walking off towards the exit, the last thing Louis heard him say was:

“I need Li, mum.” It was weak and shaky, Zayn being drunk was like night and day. Either he’s sad because something's gone wrong or he’s gotten sex on the brain. Very on the rare is it ever a meet in the middle of the two. 

And then Louis was alone, no longer touching his beer. Feeling proud of himself for not going for another. For not revealing his true feelings and being distracted by Zayn’s relationship troubles instead. He’d always been so afraid if he gotten sloshed, it’d be all over for him. But it’s not, and maybe if Harry were here, it'd be a different story. Harry would be tentative and protective of him while he drank like in the past, sticking by Louis’ side no matter what until they left to make sure nothing happened to him. Louis knew if that were the case, he would’ve revealed it all. Cried for him and begged him to give him a chance, asking him not to run away if he’s freaked out. To not hate him because he couldn’t hold his end of that promise all these years. 

Louis was just so glad that his best mate had other plans tonight. 

It seemed like he’d been sitting here alone for a while. Zayn did end up coming back at one point, only to tell Louis he needed to leave. Which Louis had a feeling his mate had gone home to sulk in peace or Liam actually left work early to appease his boyfriend. Louis didn’t question his friend on it though, he had a little entertainment watching Donovan and Niall from afar. The little elbow nudges and the tender touches on each other bodies. The fondness in Donovan’s eyes whenever he stares at Niall. Never breaking the close distance between them like they were attached at the hip. Making Niall laugh and grin, doing whatever it took to make him feel good. 

Donovan was hot for Niall. Louis could tell. 

And it made Louis long to feel wanted too, to have Harry aching for him and not this... whatever it was going on between them. This weird, awkwardness of unsaid truth of what happened days ago. None of it makes sense to Louis. Not the searing lips pressing along his neck or the kiss mark bruised on his skin. The scratch marks that had faded on Harry’s back and the way his fingers worked so desperately to make Louis feel good. Laying in his arms afterwards and then waking up alone as if all had been a fervent dream. 

He’d love to know what his friend thought and why he hadn’t acknowledged any of it. They’ve slept together before plenty of times, and his mate never had ever acted like it never happened. Not since they ended things two and half years ago, well more so Harry ended things. Still, he’d love answers whether it hurt him or not. To know if it was something he did, when he asked for his best mate to take him on that hotel bed or how Louis had acted. Laying with him after his mate had been inside him and acting like maybe something had changed. That they were a couple or at least on the cusp of that. 

Yet, he’d been so foolish to even have such a thought. That’s why he’s eager to know where did it all go wrong? 

Because it’d be better than not knowing at all.

Louis watched the way Donovan leaned into Niall’s ear and whisper something, his hand grabbed Niall’s, and they left together. Hurriedly and almost tripping over their feet from the alcohol still in their systems. He wished them the best of luck and knew at that moment he needed to go home. To barge into Harry’s room and beg him to be honest for once because he had a feeling they’d be alone. No one there to overhear anything or question them about things. 

And maybe after all this time, Louis could have the courage to tell him how he feels. 

He didn’t give another thought as he got to his feet, he had his courage up, and Louis wanted to do this. Every step he took toward the exit and pushed his way through the crowd, he could feel his heart beating faster. His blood buzzing as he made it out of the pub into the cool autumn night. Already venturing down the pavement and thinking of all the ways to say what he wanted to Harry. 

_I miss you_ , _I miss us_ , and _I need you_. Louis was quickly pacing, wanting to get home as quick as he could, his buzz long worn off hours ago. But the courage was there, and all he wanted to do was get it over with. _Can’t you see I’m in love with you? I wanna be with you, and it hurts me to want you. Why can’t you love me too?_

Louis’ mind was bouncing with words he was eager to spill as he grew closer to his building, trying to take calming breaths to ease the nervousness sitting in the put of his stomach. He may be confident to do this because he’s just _so_ tired, but it was a little nerve wracking. 

He knows if this goes wrong, he’d no longer have a best mate. 

Because god forbid Harry would stick around after all this. 

It was when he passed by _Casa Italia_ he had slowed to a stop, something had caught his eyes and looked at the windowpane. It was dark out, so he probably looked like a creep watching couple and families eating away at their Italian cuisine. But all Louis could do was stare because all his assurance went out the window when his eyes honed in on Harry at dinner, and he wasn’t alone. 

It was Ellie. 

Louis could feel tears starting to prick at the corners of his eyes when he watches them, arms hung slack at his sides, and nearly wanting to burst into tears. This can’t be happening again, it just can't. 

Ellie’s gotten a stack of papers in front of her and Louis wanted to know what was on those. If they were love letters begging for Harry to take her back or pictures of them together that she printed off. An attempt to win him back after time had passed, hoping he’d fall for it. Neither of those made Louis feel good, and all he wanted to do was go in there and tell her to fuck off. 

But Louis can’t make himself do it because she’s touching his arm and he felt ill. So sick that Harry’s just letting her have a feel, and Louis had a bad feeling weighing on his gut. That they had gotten back together. 

That he let that cruel, awful woman come back into his life that treated Louis like the gravel underneath her shoe. Always competed with him for attention and affection. Pushed it in Louis’ face she had everything he desired to have. Make it her mission to push Louis out of Harry’s life like he was nothing but something of the past. 

And honestly, it all felt like a slap in the face. That all Louis was good for was a meaningless shag, and that’s it. It rips his heart into two thinking of them, making him want to throw up. He’s not doing this again. He _can’t_ do this again. 

Louis felt _betrayed_ and _hurt_. 

To know he’d been pushed to the side once again because Harry wanted to be with Ellie. That’s why he’s been absent was because of her, spending time with her, and they probably slept together. No, they did. Louis wasn’t going to doubt any of their interactions because clearly, they made it back to one another. 

Louis felt like he was twenty four again, finding out there was someone else. That anything Harry and him had together meant nothing. None of those nights they spent together meant a fucking thing. The sweet words and intimate touches. The almost kisses and late night cuddles. Never amounted to anything more than something temporary.

Harry hadn’t stopped loving her all along and Louis’ not going to stick around to go through the torture again. 

He’s _done_. 

Blinking back the burning tears that were shimmering in his eyes as he was in a near sprint on his way back to the flat. Catching his breath when he takes the lift up to his floor and quickly makes his way down to the empty corridor. Trying not to breakdown as he strides into the flat and into his room, grabbing his holdall besides the wardrobe, setting it on the bed, and yanking it open. 

His heart was aching, and when Louis opens his wardrobe hastily, he doesn’t give a thought to whatever shirt or jumper he tossed at his bed, pairs of trousers or joggers. Pants and socks. Grabbing as much as he could fit into his small overnight bag as he felt wetness sliding down his cheeks and his vision blurring. Wiping at his eyes and sniffling as he goes back to his bag to start shoving garments into his duffle bag. It wasn’t a lot he could fit, but it’ll make due. 

Snagging his phone charger and laptop from his desk, and putting those in his bag. Zipping it up once it was filled up to the point it almost couldn’t close. Snivelling as he grabs it by the handle and makes his way out of his room. 

But, Before he reached the entryway, Louis had a thought pass in his mind, and he set his bag down. Went back to his messy room and stood in front of his almost vacant wardrobe and slinks down to his knees. Pulled the bottom drawer open and briskly searched through it. Tossing old clothes to the floor and trying to blink away his sadness as his heart panged in his chest. Grabbing something from the bottom and then goes back to his feet, snatching the other item from one the hangers, holding them against his chest as squeezed his eyes shut, clutching at them tightly, and he was already missing them

But Louis knew it was for the best. 

He slowly left his room and went into Harry’s, reluctantly setting the shirts on the bed every so gently. Almost afraid that he’d get them wrinkled if he were too rough as if they were his. Parting ways with his past and shut the door behind him on his way out as if he never went into his room, then his own door. Trying so hard not to think so much about how things had changed. How heartbroken he was, yet again. 

And this time, he wasn’t going to be the one that got blindsided. 

Louis grabbed his holdall and walked out the door, locking it on his way out. 

It didn’t take long for him to reach the train station. It was the last train leaving Liverpool for the night, and he sprinted as much as he could to catch it. He needed to get away from here, from that mess back at that restaurant and their road holiday. Back at that hotel where they made love and at their flat where they’d gotten a history. Away from the man that makes him miserable. That breaks his heart over and over again like it’s some cruel game he got a satisfaction out of. 

Louis just can’t do it anymore. 

He’d gotten a text from Harry on his mobile while he waited to board the train, but Louis forced himself not to look at it. Delete it and spare himself the inevitable torture. Maybe it was a text begging Louis to give Ellie another chance and to come hang with them. 

Almost as if Harry forgotten all those cruel things she’ said to him, and to think they’re supposed to be life long best mates. 

They both can fuck off. 

But things happen for a reason, and maybe they’re not meant to be in each other's lives anymore. Perhaps they’re not meant to be together.

Because Harry choose Ellie over him, again. 

After he got on the train and was seated, Louis slouched down into his spot near the window, and he felt his phone go off once again. It was Harry. Another text and then he’s ringing Louis, but he ignores it. Then Harry tried again and again. But Louis sent them all to voicemail and deleted the message too, not reading that one. Almost contemplated to block Harry's number entirely, but he doesn’t. 

Instead he goes to his contacts and presses a button as he sits there staring out the window pane. Putting it to his ear after pressing the call button. Watching the scenery, he could make out in the night sky slowly start to go by as they rolled away from the station. Eventually hearing his mother’s soothing voice greeting him on the other end of the line. 

Not even sparing a second to let Jay ask questions, because he needed her to hear him out. 

“Mum… I’m leaving Liverpool,” Louis said despairingly, wrapping an arm around his waist. “And I don’t I’m coming back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... Ellie is back for a bit... maybe. You'll have to wait and see for the next chapter as to why she is, and this is a fairly short chapter, but the next one will be quite lengthy so just heads up on that... big drama is coming :/
> 
>  
> 
> [ ](https://statcounter.com/)  
> 


	14. XIII

_And I just think…_

_Maybe I’m not meant to be loved._

_-L_

It was the brutal, honest truth. Who could possibly care for him in a way that’s unconditional and everlasting? Louis hadn’t met a single guy that’s given him that. Not once. His heart was hanging by a thread at this point, a frayed and fragile thread that was about to break.

He was tired of being let down continuously and getting attached easily, jaded of forgiving. Putting down his guard when he grows comfortable at the thought of letting someone get so close. The pain of losing someone that meant so much to you, that was your everything was bedevilling.

Louis’ made a promise to himself to move on, to forget the wreckage back in Liverpool that he left behind days ago. To cut ties with it and never go back, maybe give Niall and Zayn a ring from time to time. Liam too. But Louis doubts they’d want to talk with him, he’s been ignoring them since he left. Every call or text, Facebook message and direct message on Instagram. Telling his mother to relay the message he wasn’t around if they ringed and that he’s unwell if they kept pestering her with their worries. He’d even asked her not to tell Anne anything either. It’s quite the dick move, but Louis needed a break. A long hiatus away from everything that had to with the past eight and a half years.

Maybe they hate Louis for dropping off the face of the earth unannounced, or they wondered what they did wrong. Worried sick about him and Louis been so surprised that none of them had come out to see if he’s back in Doncaster all this time.

Even Harry, who's been trying every day to reach him. Sending a text asking where he went. Wanting to have a talk and that he missed him, saying it’s quiet without him at home. _Home_. Doncaster was where his heart was now, Liverpool was just a thing of the past.

And he vowed never to go back.

The moment Louis posted that text post, he just sighed. Cheek rested against his fist, elbow propped on his desk, and refreshing his notifications. Hoping someone would reach out to him, reply, send an ask, or even a message. Anything. His followers were his mates now, well his mutuals that was. Yes, he did miss his friends, he’d love to chat with Zayn about Liam quitting one of his jobs to spend more time together. Or the fact Niall and Donovan had hooked up that night at the pub. Louis had seen the texts and wanted to be happy for them, but he couldn't find it in himself to reply. Terrified the conversation would lead into why he’s been ghost and sharing the _wonderful_ news Harry was back with Ellie.

All he wanted was to not remember seeing them together on a date while all the courage he had drained out of his body to admit things to Harry. They all probably knew that Harry was back with his ex-girlfriend again and was talking with her weeks ago. Not that it’d be a surprise. After all, it’s what Harry loved to do, push Louis into the dark until the very last moment.

It’s confusing and infuriating that he’d experience this. It was almost as if Harry was afraid to tell him, not wanting to burn any bridges because he rather be with someone else. Not wanting to break him because Louis tends to take things to heart, Bad news was, the way things Harry ended things years ago wasn’t being let down easy. Nor was the moment he found out through Niall some big news wasn't either. Harry should’ve known better though, after the whole walking in on Sean with another man should’ve been a considered thought.

Louis loved the boy to death, but it just isn’t worth it anymore.

He refreshed the screen again, the corners of lips slowly sliding upward when he saw he had a few asks.

_Don’t say that babe_ , _what’s the matter?_ , and _need to talk?_ Louis responded to each of them, taking his time explaining the _delicate_ situation. Revealing to them he just can’t win no matter what and is over it. Done. Adding in that he’s better off alone than risking his heart with another man. Of course, he’d gotten a few responses to not rule everything out, someone’s out there for him, even one of them suggested that Sean seemed redeeming enough to give another chance. As if that made the situation any better.

The last time Louis had a chat with Sean was the other night. The only person he’s talked to since he’s left the city, well other than his job. Which he quit, fucking finally. But Sean wanted to see him, go for dinner, and then back to his. Louis told him he wasn’t well, sick and under a lot of pressure. Which wasn’t necessarily a lie... but Sean didn’t need to know the details. Doesn’t need to know Louis is hurting and tragically in love with Harry. That he hadn’t been home in a week. That he can’t make himself go home for Niall’s party because he’s too chicken to face whatever mess was back there waiting for him.

Sean had asked to come over and take care of him, but Louis told him he wasn’t home. In Doncaster for a while, but asked him not to tell a soul. Because Louis had a feeling one of his mates would go to his ex-boyfriend to see if he was with him.

Naturally Sean was curious and wanted to know why be so secretive, and Louis just told him he just needed a break. His past lover didn’t ask more questions about that and said he might come see him in a few days, dunno yet. Louis didn’t protest, but he didn’t say yes. Just changed the subject onto something else. Sean didn’t ask any questions though, just let Louis have this.

But other than that, since he’s been back home Louis spent time with his mum and sisters when they weren’t busy.

Louis let out a yawn, his eyes fallen down to date and time at the corner of his computer screen. It was nine in the morning, and he should be in bed. But he can’t sleep. Too much on his mind, getting it off his chest and airing it out into the world Tumblr had helped a little, but nothing can cover up the guilt he was feeling. NIall’s party was tonight, and he’s not going to be there. It's supposed to be at Zayn and Liam’s flat, numerous foods, drinks, good music, and a massive cake. Loads of people ranging from Niall’s colleagues to their closest friends. Even Gemma’s supposed to be there as he’s down visiting. She’s probably worried about him. Wondering why Louis’ not there on such a special day he had originally planned, why he’d been gone for so long, and why he’d been ignoring everyone.

It’s kind of surprising she hadn’t rang him.

But whatever, he can always treat Niall to a belated birthday outing some other time. Louis didn't want to go back to Liverpool to get the rest of his things just yet. He wasn't ready.

Louis was in the middle of scrolling through his dashboard when he heard a series of soft thuds against the grain of his door before it slowly cracked open. Snapping his gaze away from his screen and looked at whoever decided to come pester him in these early morning hours.

It was Jay.

“Hey mum.” Louis muttered out, swivelling his desk chair for a more comfortable position. Crossing his arms over his chest, pulling the sleeves of his jumper taught in his fists, and wondering what she could possibly want. It definitely wasn't a call for breakfast, he already ate half and hour ago.

Jay had this warm smile etched across her face, not moving from the doorway, and her hair still tucked into a loose bun. Yet there was a hint of concern in her eyes and that didn’t sit so well in the pit of Louis’ stomach. Something was on her mind.

“How’re you feeling, sweetheart?”

Louis shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

The corners of Jay’s lips twitched ever so slightly as she searched his face, she didn’t believe him. His mum knew him better than anyone, and sometimes Louis wished he could pull a fast one over her. But sadly, that’s never been a success.

“Are you going to Liverpool tonight?” Jay asked, carefully. Like she knew it was a sensitive area for Louis. That back in that city wasn’t something good that caused him to leave.

Louis flicked his gaze down to lap and tried to bite back the frown dancing on his lips, but he knew Jay could see right through his insouciant facade. Louis wished he wasn’t such an easy read sometimes, it wasn’t fair. Why can’t he wallow in peace? Why can’t he hide his emotions well enough? It was one of the things Louis had to learn to love about himself growing up, his personality tended to give himself away even when times were tough. That’s how some arguments had ensured with his friends, siblings, past lovers, and even his own mum. Getting defensive when it was a touchy spot. Even when he was sad or hurt, it’s always been his downfall.

Louis dreamed of being the type to pretend everything’s okay and not act out character, but sadly that's not something he could control. Not ever.

“Oh Louis,” Jay murmured woefully, the sound of the door clicking shut echoed through his room and he could hear his mum letting out a small sigh. “You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with sharing, but it’s not like you to miss out on parties.”

Jay hadn’t a single clue why he’d been home because Louis never shared it with her or his sisters. His mum never had asked though, just welcomed him back with open arms and a hot meal, telling him whatever it was that it’ll get better. Not even pressing for a heart to heart the whole time he’s been back or asking him why he’d been so secretive towards his whereabouts when it came to his worried friends. So it was bound to happen at some point, and Louis had a very strong feeling building in his gut that this may be the moment.

“Do they know you’re not coming?” Jay proceeded to poke at the subject even more.

Louis just shook his head, feeling a little ashamed he’s bailing out on his best mates birthday party, of all days! But, he can’t go back there, not after Ellie replaced him once again. After being reminded he was nothing more than a good shag that wasn’t even worth remembering. It was better off if he wasn't there, honestly.

Ellie finally gotten what she wanted, Louis out of the picture

He finally slowly dragged his eyes up back to his Johannah who now had her arms crossed as well, but the concern still written across her face.

“I just..” Louis started to say softly, untucking his one of his arms from his chest and rubbed the back of his neck. “I need more time.”

Johannah didn’t criticize him or told him to suck it up and go spend time with his mates. She wasn’t guilt tripping him either, all Jay said in a soft tone was, “And that’s okay, take as long as you need.”

His mother was truly a godsend, like really. He wouldn’t know what he would do without her.

“But I think when your ready that you should get a hold of Niall and Harry soon and tell them.” Jay added in, and Louis dreaded that. This wasn’t about the party tonight or going back home, this was an entirely different matter. One Louis had a serious conversation with Jay the other day about, where he needed her help and advice. Something he’s never done alone.

Louis’ going to try and get a place of his own here in Doncaster. Maybe he could ask Niall to come live with him as he’s sure Ellie and Harry would be more than happy to have a place to themselves. He’s certain Niall would come to Donny, if not then he’d have to find a roommate. If that doesn’t work out, then Louis could find an affordable studio flat that probably isn’t very charming compared to his old residency. If worse comes to worst, he will stay here. Living in his old childhood bedroom until luck came his way.

Although he had yet to find something that called out to him, that grabbed his interest. Couldn’t stop comparing his old flat with the ones he came across on the computer screen. The square footage, the rooms, the flooring, and even the ancient old windows that needed updating. They all looked so vacant and dull, no memories were attached to any of them. Fun and loving ones that Louis had spent many nights with his mates, just hanging out, and spending time with one another. Where Niall had gushed to Louis over Donovan many, _many_ nights. Asking him for advice and coming up with plans to grab his attention. Then there were Liam and Zayn when they’d come over it was alway nice to see them. Bickering with Liam because it was _their thing_ and Zayn would be the mediator and step in. Then hearing about what they had going for them in their lives was always nice. But he could never forget all the good moments he had with Harry. Consoling him through his breakup with Sean and always being there for him. Making him smile and laugh any chance he could get before things took a turn for the worse. Spent many, many nights just hanging out over the years. Hearing all about Louis’ relationship woes, from the little arguments here and there with Sean, to the good times and the bad.

Louis recalls some of those mid winter nights when he was about a year into dating Sean, long before he felt anything towards Harry. Telling him when he fell in love and thought his boyfriend at the time was he most wonderful human being. That he’d be there when Anne and Jay would have their Christmas eve dinner, and he thinks that he’s ready to tell him soon. Tell him meant to have sex, to let Sean have all of him and take his virginity from him. Louis remembered Harry just smiled at him and said _You don’t have to if you’re not ready yet, Lou_. But his desolated eyes said otherwise, but Louis never questioned him on it. Too eager and excited of what was to come, nervous and unsure what to expect. It didn't happen until Zayn and Liam’s New Year's Eve party when he whispered in Sean’s ear and asked if they could leave an hour before midnight, fingers tucked into the band of his then-boyfriend trousers. Louis can never forget that dejected look Harry had on his face when he saw his friend in the sea of people as he was being led out of the crowded flat.

The thing is, Louis needed to forget those memories and just start over from scratch. Do his own thing and actually be happy for once. But it’s easier said than done because his heart still wanted something he could never have. He just had a feeling, that he was going to be missing Harry for a very long time.

But, it was for the best.

“I know, mum.” Louis murmured, knowing he’d have to, when he’s ready, have that awkward conversation. But now wasn’t that time and neither was tomorrow or the following day. He’s not sure when it’ll be, but as of right now, he needed to find a job more than anything.

Just gave him this half smile that was probably meant to be encouraging, but Louis could see through it. She was sad for him, unhappy that he’s hurting inside and doesn’t know what she can do to help. Trying her best to make him feel a little bit better about whatever it was going on in his life. He appreciated her attempts, but only if she knew what happened and there was no way to fix this.

To mend his broken heart.

“I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be here if you need me.” Jay cooed, before she turned on her heels and opened his bedroom door. Yet, before she walked out, she looked back at him and said, “It’ll be okay.”

And then she was gone, shutting the door behind her on the way out. Leaving behind a downhearted Louis who swivelled his chair back around to his desk and went back to his blog. His phone rattled against his desktop and seen he had a text from Harry, the corners of Louis’ lips started to slide downward as he went and deleted it. He’d seen the message preview though. _I miss you so fucking much, Lou… please ring me, we need to have a talk._ They don’t need to say anything, don’t need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Louis doesn’t need to be let down even more than he’d already been, so no, he wasn't going to call him.

Why should he? There wasn’t anything else left to say.

As the day carried on, Louis spent it indoors for the most part as it was raining heavily and quite windy. Too chilly for his liking. Helping his mum with some chores around the house which wasn’t exactly exciting and not his favorite thing to do, but he was staying for free. It was the least he could do for his mother. Lottie and Fizzy were out with their friends as per usual, they wanted Louis to come with them because their mates wanted to hang out. When in all actuality, half of those peers were more so interested in the idea of hooking up with Lottie’s older brother and fancied him. But, Louis wasn’t into girls, so not much would come from any of that.

Louis had already swept the kitchen and mopped it. Dusted every surface in the damn living room and did the dishes. He got bored and quick. Taking a break and retreating back into his bedroom, and deciding that maybe he should start pulling things from his room. Stuff he’d accumulated over the years, ranging from gifts and useless clutter; CDs and written notes he’s kept from his teenage years before he’d even had a cellphone. Just whatever had a memory attached to it, needed to be plucked from his life. Put it in a box and send it in the post back to Liverpool.

He started in his bedroom, pulling a box of old, dusty albums and cassette tapes from underneath his bed as he sat cross legged on the floor. Many were mix CD’s that Harry had made for him when they were just teenagers, trying to actively refine Louis’ music tastes from those emo bands he loved. Also, just medley of their own that they’ve put together and thought it was a fucking masterpiece. Ranging from _Silverstein_ , _Anberlin_ , _Metallica_ , _Van Halen_ , and so many others artists and bands. Making copies for the both of them to share and Louis had wondered if Harry still had any of his after all this time, it’s been years. Louis didn’t want to keep his, all he wanted to do was toss them in the box and send them on their way. Yet, he sat here for a good hour, making sure he had all of them, and there were about seven CDs and two cassettes. Both of those ancient tapes were Harry’s anyway, thinking Louis would love to play those old things on his ever more prehistoric boombox. To give _Motley Crue_ and _Gun N’ Roses_ a listen because apparently Louis had shit taste in music. He had forgotten to return them, and he’s surprised Harry had never asked for them back, considering he’s such a music enthusiast and all.

After those were all sorted out, Louis looked around his room for whatever else he could find, mostly little odd n’ ends type of things. Classic video games he hadn’t played in ages and an old navy blue beanie that Harry had let him wear one year. Louis was about Sixteen then, it was cold and frigid, and they were walking home from Niall’s. Harry _oh so kindly_ pulled it from his head and told Louis to wear it as he apparently needed it more than him. It was a bit weird thinking about it now, but whatever. Harry had done many nice things for him no one had ever done before, but that doesn't make up for the other things he did. Nothing could compare to any of those heart shattering moments.

Around midday, the rain slowed to a sprinkle and Louis found himself in the back garden, up in that rickety old tree house he hadn’t been in forever. He’s surprised Jay never tore it down, the girls haven’t used it in years when they’d have slumber parties with their mates. Having a private conversation that wasn't meant to be shared with Louis or Jay. Or Whenever they wanted a little privacy with their boyfriends, they snuck away into it. Just like Louis used to do. Harry, Niall, and him would always hang out up in the fort whenever it was a rainy day, and they wanted to be outside. Niall and him would smoke a joint and Harry would be there just shaking his head, afraid they’d get caught by Jay. Then the other times when it was Harry and him, having a sleepover in the small cabin during those sweltering summer nights. Needing to get away from parents and having a bit of privacy. It wasn’t very big, about the size of a postage stamp. Back then it was massive to them, but now? Not so much. But he remembers a lot of those times it was cozy enough for three.

It’s a little more revamped then Louis had remembered, the same old christmas lights hanging from the wall Lottie had hung a while ago. Dusty old board games and decks of cards. An old tarp that they used to use for the roof whenever it was downpouring out. Battery operated telly and radio that were outworn and hadn’t seen the light of day in years. It had a homey touch to it that made it what it was, the ultimate hangout spot.

But Louis didn’t come up here to sulk in his distant memories of the past, _no, no_ , he needed to find his blue shoe box. He can’t remember where he stashed it amoung mess at hand, but he’ll most likely will find it before the sun goes down in an hour or two.

It takes Louis up until the cusp of dusk to find the treasured item under a stack of old boxes underneath the tarp. He was so damn thankful for the lights hanging from the walls because once he opened the box, he couldn’t help himself. Sitting crossed legged as he set the precious cargo in his lap, the lighting wasn’t the best. Soft and dim, but it’d do. It’s quiet, and the rain had long stopped a while ago, so the peacefulness was lovely and did wonders for the anxious feeling riding in his gut.

He set aside the lid and let out a little breathe, it’d been years since he’s delved into these aged things. Pullied the first folded paper from the heaping pile and opened it up, the corners of his lips quirking upward.

_He deserves to be put in his place, and if you let me, I’ll do it. x -H_

Louis remembered when Harry had passed him this note in class one morning in biology, Branden had broken up with Louis the night before. Saying some not so nice things because he wanted only one thing from him that Louis never gave away. He didn’t with anyone, not until he was a year into dating Sean. Harry had wanted to give Branden a piece of his mind back then, telling him Louis wasn’t some object and deserved to be respected. But, nothing ever come from that other than Harry becoming slightly more protective towards over the years whenever another a guy came along that was interested.

And as Louis sits here and reads the various notes, some that were just to him, that was between Harry and him. Then there were a couple that involved Niall. Harry, and himself too. This was way before texting had become a massive thing and Louis is just so thankful for cell phones now. Much easier to keep things private from prying eyes and faster too.

He spent about ten minutes reading and thinking back to those times. All sweet and funny memories to the sad ones. It was nostalgic, and he longed to go back to his younger days because he was happier. Wished he could go back with what he knew now, he’d me wiser and to stay away from uni and never fall for a boy names Sean at some seedy party on a Friday night. That nothing good would come from sleeping with a best mate. To not torture himself for years because he’s been too much of a coward to tell Harry how he felt. That he was better off being alone then trusting someone with his heart.

If only…

It was when he was putting the lid back onto the box, the trap door to treehouse lifted open and he thought maybe it was one of his sisters coming to pester him or Jay calling him for dinner. But he wasn’t expecting to see Gemma of all people climbing up into the cabin and then sitting on the wooden floor seconds later. Sat across from him and a bag in her lap, hair styled and nice clothes, wasn't she supposed to be at Niall’s party?

Better yet, how did she know he was here?

“You do know I drove all the way from Liverpool to see you and yet you haven’t even welcomed me, how rude.” Gemma teased as she smiled. Zipping open her bag and then pulled out a tin of vanilla frosting and a spoon before hanging them over to Louis.

Louis just stared at her for a moment before taking them, opening up the sweet goodness and dipping his spoon into it. But before he could indulge himself, he wanted to know why she was here. Gemma rarely ever came to see him, they were more so texting buddies than anything. If she did come, it was either because Harry was there or something was bothering her. So he was curious as to why she wasn’t back in the city.

“Thanks, Gem’s.” Louis muttered out, popping the spoon into his mouth. Watching her pull another can and spoon for herself, she must have stopped at the market or something on the way here. Not that it matters. “How did you know I was here?”

“Jay told me.” Gemma beamed, of course, his mum would tell Gemma. He should’ve specified that he meant to tell no one! Great, now he had to deal with Harry’s sisters pestering.

He loved Gemma like one of his own sisters, but he wasn’t about to open up to her.

“You know, It’s too quiet back at that bachelor flat, and I couldn’t stand it any longer, just had to come see you,” Gemma explained, popping the spoon into her mouth. She too had vanilla. “Harry’s either working or at the gym with Liam, Niall’s off with that barman he’s obsessed with. It’s quiet and boring without you there, honestly.”

That’s right, Gemma was supposed to be staying for a few days during the week for Niall’s massive birthday extravaganza, which was quite strange because shouldn’t she be there and not here?

Louis eyed her suspiciously for a moment as he swallowed down the sweet before he asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be at Niall’s party?”

Gemma just stared at him, unblinking for a moment, not even opting for another bite of icing. It made Louis feel uneasy and like there was an ulterior motive behind her gesture for coming. He could only hope he was wrong.

“Aren’t you?” Gemma countered, stating the fucking obvious. “You’re the one who planned it, Lou.”

It’s not like Louis didn't feel immensely guilty about not showing up, but he was sparing himself the heartache. He’d rather do something a little more intimate for Niall then subject himself to heartache all over again. It’s selfish he knows, but Louis knows seeing Harry with Ellie again would just tear him into pieces. Last thing he needed was to feel even more dejected than he already was.

But Louis is a loss for words for now, because what can he say to that? That he is hopelessly in love with Harry and can’t bare the thought him being with Ellie again, let alone watch them be together? That he’s too broken over what happened on that cursed road holiday back in August?

_No_. Gemma wouldn’t know any of that because he wasn’t going to tell her anything, it’s not worth it to re-encounter the searing pain.

It’s silent between them for a moment, and it makes Louis’ gut start to churn the longer Gemma just stares at him. There’s was an inquizitive look in her eyes, and that did no help to the ill feeling festering inside him at this very moment.

“I think you should go to the party.”

And there it was, the inevitable truth. The meaning of the reason why Harry’s sister came to see him on the night of all nights. Louis should’ve been smarter, should’ve put the pieces together the moment she infaded his alone time. Especially so close to Niall’s party that was bound to start soon.

Louis shook his head, his eyes flickered down to the can of frosting, he could no longer stomach it. Putting the lid back on and set it aside for later, the spoon too. Then there’s a manicured hand on his knee giving an ever so gentle squeeze, as if to give him comfort. To say _It’s okay, I’m here for you_. The touch was brief, but Louis could feel the piercing gaze lingering on him, he was almost afraid to meet her eyes. Scared he’d crack under pressure and reveal things he hadn’t meant to share.

“He misses you, you know... a lot,” Gemma mentioned, her voice soft and warm. “Hoping you’d show up tonight.”

Louis sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, and still not meeting Gemma’s eyes. If Harry truly wanted to see him, he would’ve come days ago. Would’ve dropped everything to find him, and yet where is he? Not here. So apparently he doesn’t care that much Louis had been gone now that he finally had his girlfriend back. Louis wanted to believe Gemma, he did. But, how could he when Harry can't even prove it to him?

Sure, Louis told Jay to tell Harry that he wasn't here or available, but he could’ve tried. Not given up so easily and just wishing upon a star or relaying a message through Gemma he wanted Louis to come back to Liverpool. It’s just heartwrenching the more he even thinks about it.  
“Well I’m not going back,” Louis started to say finally snapping his gaze back up to Gemma who also stopped chomping away at the icing. “Not until I figure things out.”

Gemma furrowed her brows, thinking for a moment, and then inquired, “What do you mean, _figure things out_?

“Just trivial matters, really. Nothing that concerns you, love.” Louis didn't want to explain himself, certainly not about his decision to move to Gemma, Harry’s sister. Who could go off and blabber about it to the world before he had the chance to drop the bombshell to his mates when he was ready. ”Also, by the time I even get there the party would be almost half over with, so it’s not even worth it.”

“So? Doesn't mean you can show face… besides, it’s better than sitting alone on a Friday night doing absolutely nothing.”

“Maybe I like doing nothing.” Louis retorted, feeling a little defensive of his reasonings of not going to that damn party. He just wished Gemma would drop and leave it alone. But, that’s just wishful thinking, and Louis knows it.

“Maybe I prefer you to come and have a nice time, instead of being a lonely old bastard with a stick up his ass.” Gemma teased, her arms now crossed and head tilted ever so slightly. Eyebrows raised as if to prove a point.

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Louis rolled his eyes trying to bite back the smile wanting to break free. But he doesn't give Gemma the satisfaction as it comes out more like a poor excuse of a smirk and it probably doesn't make sense to her. “I happen to like the loneliness, thank you very much.”

Gemma just blinked at him for a moment and said, “If you truly think I’m that dense then you need a reality check, Lou.”

“Well I do, nothing wrong with spending time alone, you know self care. Ever heard of it?” Louis knows he’s kind of being a dick, but he just wants Gemma to stop asking him. Pestering him why he’s not in Liverpool and spending time in an old rickety tree house instead. “I get it, you want me to go to the party, but I can’t.”

Gemma sighed heavily, she was probably feeling slightly annoyed with his constant brushing off, but whatever. Louis wasn’t going, no matter what anyone said about it.

“You don’t need to get so defensive around me, you know.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. Something clearly bothering you so much that you won’t even give it a thought to come home.” Gemma proceeded to scold him, great just what he needed. “I may not speak for my brother, but I’m pretty damn sure he wants you there.”

“Does he?” Louis rhetorically asked, if Harry truly wanted him at Niall’s party tonight he would be here instead of Gemma.

It fell quiet between them for a few moments, and Louis just thumbed at the frayed inseam of his trousers. The chilliness in the cool air was starting to make Louis uncomfortable and was eager to head inside. Take a nice warm bath and indulge in a film and some Tumblr before the night ends. That’d be perfect and yet... Gemma wasn’t budging from her spot, he could feel her eyes just burning on him, and he was almost afraid to look her in the eye after their little spat. Terrified she’ll see through the facade he’s put up.

There’s a hand on his leg once again, and Gemma broke the silence, “If not for him, then do it for you.”

Louis gnawed on his bottom lip, guilt starting to creep heavily on his heart at that settiment that cut straight through him and left a sting afterwards. She wasn't wrong, he needed to be there and relish in the festivities. Be a good mate that schoomez with the nights guest list and kiss Niall on the cheek and a squeezing hug. Be good and be happy. To bicker with Liam about trivial things and listen to Zayn’s troubles. Niall gushing to him over his wonderful date with Donovan and that night they left the pub together hand in hand. Louis should be there to face the music and deal with whatever Harry was going to throw his way. He should be a good mate if anything, suck it up for one night and leave first thing in the morning before there’s any movement in his flat… well was his home.

But what if Ellie’s there? What if she pulls Louis aside or corners him on the balcony like Zayn did and rub it in his face that she won. That at the end of the day Harry would never return his love because all he needed was her.

It made Louis' heartache when he thinks of that moment because he knows it’s in the realm of possibility. That woman had it out for him since the beginning, maybe not the first or second or third night they were around one another. But it was sometime when Louis came out of hiding and shown his face, not totally open, but enough to put on a brave face and be cordial with the new girl. It started with a dirty look here and there whenever Harry and him had any sort of physical contact or spent too much time together. Then that escalated to snide remarks and backhanded compliments then low and behold threats to this and that. It doesn’t make any fucking sense to Louis why in the hell Harry even liked her, she’s ferocious.

Not like it mattered anyway, clearly he was happy with her.

Yet, despite his ill feeling toward the thought of sharing a crowded room with the couple, he knew it’d be best to just give in.

Maybe if he put a bulwark in front of his already existing walls around his heart maybe he could get through this without wanting to break into a million pieces. Avoid Harry at all costs because that’s the only way he knows that’ll keep him grounded through the night. It may hurt him to do so, but at the end of the day he needed to do what was best for himself.

“Okay, I’ll go.” Louis murmured, snapping his eyes back up to Gemma who was now beaming. “Just give me a few moments to get ready, okay?”

“Thank god, I was about to literally drag you there, Lou.” Gemma would totally do that. “Take all the time you need, I’ll be inside with Jay when you’re ready. Just don’t take too long, mister.”

“Fuck off.” Lous snapped, but it was more playful banter than anything.

Gemma just smirked before put the sweets and spoons back into her bag and left Louis to his sanctuary. Knowing he would need a moment before heading inside to change his clothes and fix his hair.

“This better not be a mistake.” He muttered under his breath before he hid his box of notes back under the tarp.

When he’d went back inside and traded his basic jumper in for a simple black fitted one, Louis wasted no time trying to perfect his look. His heart was in his throat when he messed with hsi soft fringe in the mirror, debating on throwing on a beanie for an extra layer of protection against what's to come, yet he decided to go with out. Not wasting any more time before he headed out the door with Gemma, not even bothering to take an overnight bag as he had clothes back at Liverpool.

The first half hour into the ride to the city was fraught Louis would say, the background music from the radio did no help at all. Gemma tried to keep the conversation flowing between them, which would normally be something so flawless and simple, yet now it was tense and dull. Whenever she’d starting chatting away about her colleagues or about this one guy she’s seeing, Louis would occasionally comment to not come off as rude. It wasn't his fault though, he had far too much on his mind, and his anxieties were through the roof the closer they got to that damn birthday party.

He hadn’t touched his mobile once, too focused on the road ahead of them, the passing traffic down the motorway, and rain starting to patter against the windscreen. His phone did buzz against his thigh not once, but twice. He didn’t dare look at it, maybe later tonight when he’s alone in his room. Having a feeling, it’s either Harry or Sean trying to reach out to him, and it scares him to even think about replying right now. Not when he’s already doing something so brave that’s making his palms feel clammy, and his jumpster started to feel itchy. He would stress over those messages later whenever everything is all said and done.

When they finally pulled into the nearly filled carp park to Zayn and Liam’s building an hour and a half later, Louis felt a bit faintish. Like he could barely move and couldn’t find his strength to step out of the car. Yet, he undid his belt and swallowed the lump forming in the back of his throat, Gemma was already opening the door for him with impatience written across her face. Slowly sliding out of the car and headed inside the building with her.

Niall’s party was never meant to end up at Zayn and Liam’s place, originally it was supposed to be at a private room in one of the fancier clubs. They were going to have a dj spin that list of musicians tracks that Louis had carefully created with Harry and Donovan. Then there was supposed be catered food and a massive red velvet cake. But those plans fell through as they all came short of coming up with the money and all the rooms they tried to reserve were already booked. It may not be this _amazing extravaganza_ like Louis had promised, But whatever, he abandoned his duties days ago, so hopefully, Zayn and Liam picked up the slack. They’re amazing at parties.

When they finally made it up to Liam and Zayn’s floor, Louis could feel himself starting to sweat as Gemma stepped in front of landing outside Liam’s flat. Swallowing down his worries when they head inside to the crowded room and loud music.

Gemma had long disappeared into the slew of people, leaving behind Louis to fend for himself which was fine. Maybe if he camouflages himself a little in the middle of the revelers, Harry wouldn't even notice him. Maybe… hopefully. But he had a feeling Gemma would break the news to her brother sooner or later that Louis was back.

Louis sighed, rearranging his fringe as he looked across the sea of people, mostly the crowd centred in the middle of the living room. Some familiar faces, some not. Mostly A mix of colleagues and Niall’s old uni friends. Kind of surprising he hadn’t spotted Zayn or Liam immersed in the crowd, Niall too. In fact, he didn’t see any of his mates face among the masses. In a sense, he knows he needed to go find Niall and wish him a happy birthday because if he didn’t that’d just make him into an arsehole. Showing up to a best mates party only to ignore them, yeah Louis’ not that damn cruel.

After about a moment he started to get hot and slightly frustrated when someone stumbled into him, stepping on his toes. Needing to step away for a moment and he did, finding himself step into the kitchen and nearly stopped in his tracks when he sees him. Leaning against the countertop, swallowing down a beer, and nodding along to whatever Liam told him. Louis' heart clenched in his chest as he stood there and watched his mates for a moment… or more so Harry. Thankful for the kitchen being congested enough to shield him from being spotted.

Louis watched for a moment longer, stepping to the side a little to let someone stumble by and noticing Harry pulling out his phone as Liam continued to talk. There's a slight frown touching his lips as he stared at the screen before he pockets away his mobile and carries on to whatever Liam’s on about. Louis wanted to know what caused the look on Harry’s face and why he looked quite sad.

Was Ellie not able to come tonight? Are they arguing? Or was this something entirely different?

Louis wanted to march over there and get answers to his nosey questions. Do whatever it took to make Harry smile and get his mind off whatever it was, but he can’t. He’s not going to allow himself to sucked back into an old routine where he sat on the sidelines for the next few years continuously going through heartache.

He just glanced down for a moment and let out a breath, wondering if he should go find the birthday boy, maybe he’d pick Louis’ mood off the floor. After all, he’s sure Niall was dying to tell him everything that’s happened with the hearthrob.

Yet, before Louis even had a second to turn on his heels when he felt the weight of something on the small of his back, nearly making him flinch. Glanging up and nearly choking when he locks eyes with Harry through the crowd of faces for a moment before his eyes landed onto the culprit at hand who was there next to him.

“You actually came,” Zayn commented rather loudly over the mixture of music and voices. He had a beer bottle in his hand and amazement sat on his face probably because Louis had come out from hiding. Not that it was surprising. “Everything’s been okay?”

Louis was astounded, so fucking gobsmacked that the first thing Zayn even asked him was if he was alright. If life was treating him well and not scolding him for being a reclusive dick that avoided his mates at all costs. But Louis will say it was nice to see a familiar face, maybe Zayn could keep him company for a while. Any chance to avoid being alone with Harry he would take it because he wasn’t about to make himself even more miserable.

“Just under quite a bit of stress, really, nothing to worry about. ” It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but it was all he was telling Zayn. Not even wanting to let Zayn ask another question about his wellbeing, Louis added “Anywho, how’s Jinx? Haven’t seen the little guy in ages.”

Zayn stared openly at Louis for a moment before he shook his head and gestured toward the balcony with a nod, his touch no longer on Louis back, but was now on his wrist and pulled him towards the sliding doors through the crowd. Louis couldn’t help himself when he glanced over his shoulder and locked eyes with the curly haired beauty once more who was still entertaining Liam. It lasted for a maybe a second or two, but it felt like forever before he disappeared into the cool night air.

Louis moved to lean against the railing, Zayn beside him who was sipping on his ale, and Louis could feel those eyes on him. His mate had something on his mind, and it did no help to Louis worries. Something in his gut was screaming at him to go back inside and avoid whatever this was at all costs, but the thing was he felt almost paralyzed at the feeling of being watched. Zayn wasn’t lighting up a cigarette or going on about his cat. His friend was more than likely seeking truth.

And Louis doesn’t blame him if he does.

“Why did you leave?” Zayn broke the silence between them.

It was quiet out on the balcony other than the muffles of songs being played from inside. Louis was just so thankful it was super chilly or raining for the matter, that was an upside for sure.

Of fucking course…

Louis clutched onto the railing ever so slightly as he glanced down to the carpark for a moment, trying to think of an excuse. Knowing Zayn would have to buy into the whole self care thing, right? Because there was simply no other way to explain himself without sounding like a world class knobhead.

He flicked his gaze back to his mate who was downing more of the beer in his hand, and Louis just took an easy breath. He then stated, “I already told you it was stress.”

Zayn furrowed his brows and shook his head, letting out a huff. Apparently not too pleased with the answer, but oh well. Louis doesn’t need to tell Zayn a single thing because as far as he’s concerned, it’s no one's business but his own.

“And you expect me to believe that?” Zayn enquired tartly, his brows pinched together as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Stop bullshitting and tell me what's really going on.”

Louis gnawed on his nether lip, unsure what to really tell his mate right now. It’s not that he wouldn't love to just tell someone and spill his heart out. It wasn’t the right time or place. For starters, Harry could come waltzing out any minute and catch wind of their conversation and not only that, but news spreads fast within their social circle. So Louis would rather not and just tried to think of something and fast.

There was a cool gust of wind that blown past them, causing Louis to shiver knowing pretty soon he’d have to break out his jacket. But right now that’s the least of his worries as he’s got someone breathing down his neck.

“I needed to see my family, Z.” It was the best Louis could come up with, and it was partly true, he misses the girls and Jay. He barely saw them as it was in the past, so it was nice to actually spend some time with his family back home. Hopefully, Zayn takes the bait and leave it as that because Louis wanted to just stop talking about it.

Zayn didn't say anything and just looked at him, not even bringing his beer to his lips, his eyes searching Louis’ face as if to figure out if he’s fibbing or not. Zayn may not be one of his mates that’s known him practically all his life, but the man knew him well enough by now to know when something isn't adding up. Louis just hoped and prayed he could play him own self off enough that Zayn believe that things are okay and he was just a little homesick.

But the next thing that comes out of his mouth nearly put Louis into cardiac arrest.

“Because of Harry, right?”

Louis was speechless, utterly wordless and felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He wasn’t expecting _that_ to leave his friends mouth. Nor had he prepared to come up with something to say because what the fuck does he do?

Zayn knows, he fucking _knows_ that he left and ignored everyone because of Harry. It terrifies Louis to no end that his friend picked up on this and worries him entirely that it’ll all be exposed. That Zayn won’t leave him be until he sought the full truth behind all the lies. Louis doesn't blame him, really, because his absence didn’t do justice for his lies when it came to ignoring everyone completely. He really should have come up with a better lie on the way there because Gemma didn’t talk his ear off nor chatted a whole lot.

Fucking, of course, he should’ve known better.

Louis tried to open his mouth and address a denial, but nothing came out. HIs heart was shaking, and that hard look his mate was giving him made him feel uneasy.

As if someone could sense Louis needed a saving grace, the sliding door slid open, and Liam popped his head out. “Baby-” Liam started to say until his eyes fell onto Louis, “Oh, You actually came! Missed ya, bud. But I’ll catch up with you later because Niall’s about to blow out his candles, so come in before you miss it!”

Then the door shut and Zayn attention was on him like he was waiting for an answer, but after a moment he just sighed and took a drink of his beer before turning on his heels and headed back inside the warm flat.

Louis just ran a tired hand over his face and felt himself starting to tremble all over as he reluctantly left his safe haven and stepped back inside.

He found himself hovering around the designated dessert table that had various sweets treats ranging from biscuits to brownies. Cupcakes with green and orange frosting and that massive three-tier red velvet cake at the end where Niall was standing with the biggest fucking grin he could muster as everyone gathered around the table. Especially when his eyes landed on Louis when he appeared moments ago and gave him a thumbs up. Donovan was there right beside Niall positively beaming and Louis that he caught a glimpse of a hand on the small of Niall’s back.

He’s out of the loop for sure and knows once NIall had a moment he’d pull Louis aside and gush. Maybe he even reprimands him from ignoring all his texts and calls. But at least he looked happy tonight.

Liam had his arm around Zayn’s waist as his boyfriend lit the sparkling candles on the cake. Louis knows he should’ve gotten a closer spot to be more supportive, yet the crowd was a little thick to make his way through, and everyone was already singing happy birthday to him. Everyone except Louis himself when he felt something prod him on the side and warm breath fanning along his ear.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Harry whispered, and Louis felt like he couldn't even breathe. He wasn't expecting this at all and was so caught off guard and snapped his gaze up at his best mate. Not even paying any attention to whatever was going on with Niall and his cake.

Louis swallows hard, here harry was standing beside him alone, curiosity dancing around in his eyes. His arms slack at his sides, and he was alone. Ellie wasn’t beside him or near him, he wasn’t giving anyone else attention, it was all on Louis. He felt like he was about to pass out because what does he say to that?

Originally he had prepared to ignore Harry at all costs through the night to spare himself the heartache. Not giving an ounce of himself to this man before him that makes him miserable with all these mixed signals. Yet, here he was feeling cemented at the feet and unable to properly word things or more less speak especially with the way Harry was watching him intently.

Then Harry tries again, but this time the careful words cut straight into Louis deeply. “Walk with me to my car?”

Louis knows that nothing good would come from that, knowing full well that did not mean a little fun trip to the vehicle in the car park. This meant _we need to talk, and we need to do it now_ , and Louis wasn't ready for that. Not prepared in the slightest because he’s already having enough trouble as it was trying to defend himself from Zayn’s inquisitiveness. Gemma breaking him down so he’d come tonight and now Harry who’d been trying to reach him for days now. This was fucking painful and excruciating because the way Harry was just staring at him with hints of guilt in his eyes did no justice for his heart.

He’s going to break the news again, let it be known that Ellie was, in fact, his girlfriend, and what they did back at the hotel can't happen again. Louis remembers that night he was blindsided knowing how much it hurt and that he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Spent his night silently sobbing wondering how things could get any worse before packing a bag so he could go back to Doncaster for a while.

Yet, Louis doesn’t want to relive that night all over again, especially not for his best friends birthday party. It’s bad enough he’s been gone, and he doesn’t need to be reminded that he would never be relationship material because all he was good at was being a decent lay. Louis just can't do that to himself. He can’t.

Harry opened his mouth more than likely about to say something until Louis felt an arm abruptly around his shoulder and bubbly irish accent in his ear. “Lou! You're actually fucking here, god I miss ya!” Niall pulled Louis close, and Louis felt a stinging in his chest when he sees the downward falter on Harry’s lips for a moment. “ ‘ve got loads to tell you, mate!”

And before he could even protest or Harry could so he could have that _talk_ with Louis, Niall whisked him away. Not breaking the contact between them as his best mate lead them into Zayn and Liam’s bedroom that was vacant and dark. Nial flipped on the light and shut the door behind him before he grabbed Louis by the shoulders and just beamed at him.

“Still can't believe you came after all this time you’ve ignored me, god… I can’t believe how much I missed you.” Niall zestfully, slightly shaking Louis. “It’s been too damn quiet here without ya, can’t even have a proper telly binge-athon because some people are too tired all the time to stay up with me.” 

Louis just mustered up a smile the best to his ability, it was nice to see Niall especially when he’s in such a wonderful mood. 

“At first I was pissed that you went ghost on all of us, but damn I can’t stay cross with you for too long I love ya too much.” Niall added, shaking Louis even more before he stopped that nonsense and pulled Louis into an embrace. It was brief and tight, it made Louis feel warm inside. It made him feel better. When Niall pulled back far enough, he cupped Louis' cheeks and squished them like a small child and pressed a wet kiss to his forehead. “ Don’t you leave us again like that, Lou. Was afraid you ran away or kidnapped.” 

Louis rolled his eyes when Niall pulled away from his affectionate touch, but his expression was soft. Niall was truly one of his good friends, and he’d never want him to feel like he’s been banished from his life. Hell no. Louis may feel a little penitent that he had been a negligent friend for a while especially since Niall or Liam and Zayn did nothing wrong to deserve such a treatment. At least he’s here and in a way thankful Gemma did show up and drag him here or else he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d keep putting off the visit back. Hopefully, when he goes back to his mother's tomorrow morning, everything would be sorted out. Maybe he’ll eventually figure out a way to tell Niall and Harry that he’s moving. 

Hopefully… 

“Okay, okay, Nialler settle down, alright?” Louis scolded teasingly, smoothing out his top that gotten bunched up from Niall’s dramatic arse. “It’s not like I’m dead, I just needed some _me_ time is all. Nothing to worry about.” 

“I’m just glad you're finally back because let me tell you, Donovan finally, fucking _finally_ asked me to be his. Can you believe it, Lou?!” Niall squealed, he was radiating and glowing all over it was the happiest Louis had ever seen him in years. Possibly ever. “I’ve years for this and when he kissed me- ugh I wanted to melt into a pile of goo.”

Louis felt the corners of his lips starting quirk upward as Niall started to gush about everything that’s happened since he’s been gone. Mostly about his epic love story that finally came to life thanks to that night at the pub where they had one too many drinks. Oh yes, Niall told Louis that they had went back to Donovan’s flat, and one thing led to another before they found themselves in bed together and then the next morning Donovan told him they were doing this all backward as they were supposed to go on a date first. They kissed a lot and Niall had come clean to Donovan about being single and that he made up a fake boyfriend to make him jealous. Donovan understood completely and was just so happy Niall told the truth. Then Donovan admitted that he fancied Niall from the moment he laid eyes on him, but did not know if he was available or even liked guys. That he wasn’t even Niall’s type either. But Niall kissed him again, and the rest was history after that. 

It made Louis heart soar at the story because Niall finally had the guy after pining for Don for years and doing whatever it took to grab his attention. Louis was just so glad that everything worked out in his friend's favor and that Donovan was just so understanding. Louis wished them the best. 

“I just… It's still surreal that he’s liked me this whole time. I’ve been trying to tell you for days now.” Niall commented, seemingly a little calmer now that he got it all out of his system. 

“He’s a good guy, and I definitely approve of him,” Louis thought Donovan was perfect for his mate and was glad things worked out. “Still can't believe you slept with him when here I thought you wanted to go _slow_ with him all this time.” 

He could see a slight coloring on Niall’s cheeks as he glanced down for a moment timidly before he shifted his eyes back up to Louis. “I did too until I realized how badly I wanted to get into his pants when we were alone.” Niall chuckled, still flushed as ever. “Which by the way he’s good in bed, real good.” 

“At least your satisfied, he could’ve been the worse lay of your life, thank god that all worked out.” Louis quipped, trying to mask his sullen heart as much as he could with jokes and smiles hoping his mate would buy into all of it. Be happy for his friend and not put any more attention onto his own feelings and choices in life. This day was about the birthday boy after all. 

“Happy birthday, by the way, Nialler.” Louis cooed, pulling his friend close once again, this time being the one to squeeze him tight. “ ‘m sorry I haven’t been a good mate lately, but I swear I didn’t forget.” 

Niall pulled Louis in a little tighter before they broke free from one another, Niall smoothed out his top. Louis was hopeful that now that the water was under the bridge with not only Niall but with Zayn and Liam too, maybe he can actually try to enjoy himself. He had hoped that Harry would be at a distance and not trying to strike up any chance he got to pull Louis aside and have a heart to heart. 

Louis was the one to put his arm around Niall’s shoulder and lead him toward the bedroom door. “So where’s this boyfriend of yours I need to give him a proper talking to.” Louis jested at the cliche _overprotective friend_ chat whenever their mate started dating a new person. “Because I’ll be damn if he hurts a single hair on that pretty head of yours.” 

Niall just giggled and shook his head, at least he was smiling, so that was good. “What would I do without ya, Lou?.” Niall said easily before they disappeared out the door and into the masses. 

When they joined back into the festivities, Louis tried his best to be social as he normally would when it came to parties or events. Niall and him parting ways when Donovan came along and pulled him away from Louis. Which was fine and at some point Louis himself engulfed in a conversation with a man named Antonio that had just started at the pub a few days ago saying he was surprised Donovan invited him along to his boyfriends party, yet was happy to come because he felt accepted among his colleagues and that Niall was loads of fun. Then he went on to tell Louis about his life story that he had a pomeranian names Paisley that was his pride and joy. Antonio was also a part-time groomer that worked at a pet salon on top being a barman and he loved it. He talked about how his on-and-off again boyfriend is a travel agent. Louis conversated easily with the man, as he sipped away at some beer he grabbed from the cooler a while ago. But the thing was, was that even when he was standing here having a chat with someone, he couldn't help it when he glanced off to the side for a moment. Louis felt as if someone staring or at least glaring at him from across the room. 

And his suspicions were correct when his eyes caught with someone through the crowd. Harry was by the balcony doors, leaning against the wall, and woefulness sat on his face. His eyes dull and his expression slack, Louis hated everything about it. He never liked to see Harry upset or sad it tugged at his already frayed heartstrings, and yet he knows his mate had nothing to be sad about. Harry finally had his girlfriend back and back everything she left with. 

Louis ripped his eyes away feeling he’d been watching for too long and finished hearing out whatever Antonio had to say. He wasn’t going to allow himself to give any attention to Harry for the rest of the night. 

However… It was easier said than done because every time Louis went and chatted with another reveler or with his closest mates, he felt eyes on him. Being an idiot and staring right back and it was painful because it wasn’t just the doleful expression it was the attempt of a smile that killed Louis inside. When they locked eyes for a moment too long that the corners of Harry’s lips slowly quirked upward only to fall when it wasn’t returned or when Louis looked away for a moment to break whatever it was going on and then glanced back. It wasn’t just that either, whenever Harry tried to approach him, Louis tried to distance himself even more, walking away or ignoring the fingers cradling his wrist when he was lingering around the cooler. Harry begging Louis to talk because apparently hadn’t a clue what he did wrong and that he wanted answers. But Louis just ignored him and pulled from his gentle grip and walked away, it hurt to do it, but it had to be done.

It seemed like the party lasted for ages, and Louis was exhausted, ready to sleep this night away because he couldn’t wait for it to be over. Yet, he knew once people started to clear out slowly as time wore on that it wasn’t officially over even if the last intoxicated guest left stumbling out. They always had an after-party, and Louis was dreading that the most. 

Now there definitely won't be any distractions or vices to keep him busy or away from his tucked away feelings. It’ll just be the six of them, and it makes Louis nervous because now Harry will definitely try to do whatever it took to get his attention. Especially with Zayn pretty much tipsy and Liam tending to his boyfriend. Gemma, she left an hour ago with some guy he never seen before. Donovan and Niall were inseparable, attached at the hip practically and Louis remembers that puppy love feeling all too well when he was with Sean. So really that just left Louis and Harry and yeah… 

It fucking sucks. 

Louis is sat at the kitchen table with Harry, Zayn, Liam and Donovan who had Niall on his lap. Drinking the last of the beers in the cooler and Niall just happily going on about how great this day had been while Liam was caressing the back of Zayn’s neck. Louis hated the fact he was sat across from Harry and tried his damnedest to not stare at him so much. 

“But the best part of the night was when you showed up, Lou. Seriously didn't realize how much I missed your cheeky arse,” Niall quipped, his fingers caressing at Donovan’s shoulder. “Tomorrow we definitely need to have a lads night.” 

“I second that.” Liam’s voice flew across the table, and Zayn nodded. 

“Maybe we could have a film marathon as I know you love those,” Harry added in his own two cents, but Louis didn’t look him in the eyes because he couldn't. Just stared down at his half empty beer bottle instead, slowly tapping his fingers against the cool glass. “Maybe even go for a little bit of bowling too.” 

“Oh, that’d be so fucking sick! I don’t leave for my flight in a few days so that’ll be perfect so I’m not hungover for the flight. Niall chuckled. “Shit we could also get our own booze and have drinks with the movies.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Zayn commented, and Louis could feel the guilt starting to get bigger by the second. It fucking sucked because he knows he owes it to them. 

“I’m in!” Liam chimed in, and Louis felt like he was going to throw up. “I’ve got the night off.” 

He needed to tell them and get it over with. They all sounded so happy to make these plans for tomorrow evening yet without even asking Louis if he would be up to it. Just assuming he'd tag along and be there. Expecting him to not be the fifth or sixth, but the seventh wheel. As he’s sure, Ellie and Donovan would be there. That’s just not something that appealed to him especially since he had more stressing matters to take care of. Like finding a damn flat and new job, so he’d much rather do all that than suffer through one night while everyone else had someone. Yeah, no thanks. 

Yet it still didn't feel like the right time to bring it up, not when everyone was joyous of his return, and he’d much prefer to do this with his flatmates alone first. It’d be a dick thing to do just announcing it over drinks without even asking Harry and Niall how they felt. Then again would Harry really care? After all, he was the last to know about when Harry was going to leave. 

“How does that sound, Lou?” Niall asked excitedly, it made Louis feel awful. He never liked to make any of his mates sad, but what can he do? 

Louis swallowed hard and dragged his eyes back up, scanning over all his mate's faces, even meeting with Harry's eyes for a split second before they were on Niall. Rubbing one of his hands down his leg of his trousers because hands started to feel a bit clammy. The room felt slightly warmer than it was seconds ago and all Louis wanted to do was run away from his problems. Dash away from disappointing his mates and never look back, that’s all he wanted more than anything right now. Yet, he can’t make himself do such a thing because they're all staring at him with hopeful eyes and Harry’s got this ghost of a smile on his lips. 

Curse Gemma for dragging him here, fucking hell this could have all been avoided if he never came around. 

“I-” Louis paused trying to think of how he was going to soften the blow as best as he could without sounding like a total dickhead for ditching out on them once again. His eyes shifting between them all before landed back on Harry, and his heart leapt. “I can’t, going back to Donny first thing in the morning.” 

Louis hated it when the slight beaming on Harry's lips slipped, and the shine vanished from his eyes. He wanted to get it back and never see it go away again. Louis wanted to slap himself round the head for even thinking this way as he breaks his eyes contact and stares at Zayn who just looked disappointed. It _pained_ Louis to know he let down the most important people in his life, utterly crushed him. It fucking hurt. 

“But you just got back, you can’t leave again,” Niall whined, and Liam seemed to be on the same page nodding along with those words. “We all fucking missed you loads, and I can’t stand how quiet our flat is without you, it’s awful.” 

Louis flicked his gaze down to his beer once again, feeling ashamed he couldn’t even come clean to his own friends. Sick to his stomach because he was letting them down once again and it was the worst feeling in the world right now. 

“Lads night isn’t even the same, you’re the one that keeps us together,” Liam stated, and Louis wondered how true those words are. “We really want you to be there tomorrow night, Louis.” 

He gnawed on his bottom lip, feeling his phone buzz against his thigh, but ignores it for now. Now was not the time to deal with whoever was trying to get ahold of him. His stomach was utter chaos right now, and all he wanted to do was go back to his old bed to hide under the covers until dawn. 

“We can do whatever you want, just please- we don’t want you to drop off the face of the earth again.” Donovan decided to speak up this time as if he’d really care if Louis was there to hang out for one night. His attention would all be on Niall anyway, but maybe he was doing this for his boyfriend's sake or Louis’ just being a fucking asshole and thinking lowly because he’s trying dodge all the bullets coming his way, so he doesn’t get guilt tripped into going out tomorrow. 

“Donovan’s right, we don’t want you to not talk with this us for days on end without even knowing what we did wrong.” Liam agreed. 

All this was making Louis slightly frustrated and upset because none of them did anything. No one did except for the man across from him that didn’t even fucking acknowledge the fact Louis' heart was already on a fine line before he fucked Louis and left. It infuriated him and just wanted to shout it out why he left and clear the air. Wanting to tell Harry it was messed up how he took advantage of him and pretended like nothing happened because of how much it fucking _hurt_ him. 

And he doesn’t understand why Harry can’t see that he’s hurting? That his heart had been in pain for years now and it aches whenever he watched him be with her. That he can’t even acknowledge the fact, Louis is so fucking in love with him. 

It just made Louis blood boil, and he just can’t do this right now. 

Letting out a huff he finally snapped his gaze once again back up to the group before he protested, “You know what? I don’t feel like fucking doing this right now,” He pushed out his chair and got to his feet and let out a heavy breath. “I’m so damn tired, and all I want to do is go lay down so please leave me alone and stop trying pressure me into hanging out tomorrow.” 

It was all stunned looks across the table like they couldn't even believe what came out of Louis' mouth. Normally he’d be happy to tag along with whatever his mates wanted to do if it involved going away for the night or socializing. But the thing was none of them understand what going on and that no amount of partying and drinking could make him feel better. It was just better that he wasn’t even there to suck the life out of it. Not only that but he didn’t want to relive history. 

And he’ll be honest, he felt awful for snapping at all of them. 

“I’m sorry… I just- I can’t.” Louis’ voice nearly cracked and pushed himself away from the table before he quickly tailed it out of the quiet flat, shutting the door on his way out. 

The walk back to his old flat was a dreary one, head hung low, kicking at the loose gravel or rocks that were in his path. Feeling like utter crap and not mention he was starting to feel a bit cold. His phone ignored out of protest because it’s already went off twice since he’d left. Someone was trying to ring him, and he had an inkling it had to do with his mates back at Liam and Zayn’s. Yet, he couldn’t deal with that right now, he needed to get away. 

By the time he’d arrive at his flat a little while later (Zayn’s place was a bit far) the first thing he did was head into his room. Shut the door behind him and flipped on his light to a clean space which was not exactly how he’d left things in a panic when he went to Doncaster. The garments that never made it to the train with him weren’t scattered on the floor, and his bed was made. The water bottle that was on his bedside table gone. 

Did someone tidy up his room while he was gone? 

Louis stood there for a moment before he his eyes landed on a navy blue holdall sat on his desk chair. Then it hit him that Gemma must’ve been staying in his room and cleaned it out of sheer boredom. Not that he minded, Harry’s sister was always welcome to take his room whenever she was around, he trusted her. Not only that, but he knew Gemma would never invade his privacy so this was fine. 

But he hoped that for the rest of the night Gemma would stay over at whoever that guy she left with, he just wanted to wanted his space from the world. Not resorting to the sofa or one of his mate's bed. He needed to be alone and not somewhere that makes him feel things or try to get him to open up. 

What Louis should do is undress and crawl bed, try to sleep this night away. Yet something in him was screaming at him to start plucking more things from his room. To fit as much as he could into his actual suitcase that was tucked under his bed that hadn’t seen the light of days in years. Never liked to carry around that bulky thing and only pulled it out when he needed more than a week's worth of clothes. Which was hardly ever. Yet if he does this now before he settles down he won't have to worry about it the morning. Not only that… but we he comes back for the rest of his things later on it’ll be less to pack. 

Louis slinked down to his knees on the side he normally does not sleep on and reached for his luggage. Tossing the ancient thing onto the bed and back on his feet, and open it up. Then goes back to his wardrobe and pulled everything off the hangers. 

It took Louis a matter of minutes to clear out of everything and tossed haphazardly onto his bed. At least now when he’s back home, he’ll have a little more variety than wearing the same four outfits, which got old real quick. 

After he closed his vacant wardrobe shut Louis started with his trousers and joggers, folding them neatly as he could. He was going to try and get it all to fit because he wasn’t about to leave it all behind as he wasn't sure when he’d come back to get them. 

It could be days, weeks, or even a month before he had the heart to gather the rest of his things and leave it all behind. 

Louis was in the middle of finishing up packing away his jeans when he heard a light knock against his door before it opened. His eyes glance up to whoever decided to come bother him and felt as if all the air in his lungs vanished. Feeling like he was about to choke because there was no way he was making a getaway. Not when Harry’s standing there in the doorway and folded papers in his hand. 

Just fucking fantastic. 

“Hey you,” Harry murmured out, the corners of his lips quirked up, and his eyes soft. Taking a few steps into the room and his eyes scanning over his face. Louis could feel Harry’s eyes go from his eyes to his lips. 

The moment between them hung quiet and still, Louis unsure what to do with himself as he gazes into those beautiful green eyes. Harry’s takes a few steps closer, and the room was already starting to feel suffocating. Louis needed to pack his shit and leave, get the hell away from whatever Harry came to tell him. Now wasn't the right time for them to talk and he certainly didn’t want his night to be ruined even more. So, he just flicked his gaze back down to the task at hand and continued on with his packing. 

Yet he can feel himself under the gaze of Harry’s eyes, and it weighs him down. Like he’s trying to whip it all out in a matter of minutes and yet every time he folded or smoothed out a garment he could feel his muscles starting to get a little quivery and his heart palpitating. Faint and nauseous. 

This can’t… they can’t- Louis _can’t_ do this right now! 

And as if Harry could send his uneasiness he spoke up once more and asked, “Are we okay?” 

How dare he come into Louis’ bedroom and ask him if things between them were okay. Did he not remember what happened the day after they had sex? That he didn’t even think to tell Louis he wanted to get back with Ellie? Or even thought for a moment that the reason he’d been gone was because of him? 

It’s just damn frustrating and annoying that Harry can’t even see it. It’s _tiring_ and Louis was fucking over it. 

He snapped his gaze back up to his mate and retorted, “What do you think?” it was curt and bitter. Louis wanted him to feel it and understand that no, they aren’t fucking okay. They’ll never be okay after all this hot mess of a friendship they’ve had. 

They should’ve never slept together because maybe then he would have ever been in a constant state of vulnerability. 

Louis tried to go back to packing his suitcase, yet Harry wasn’t budging and not giving him any sort of time alone. Not leaving the bedroom and respect Louis’ feelings, just sticking around like he was waiting for Louis to relax a little and then talk. 

It made Louis even more irritated. 

“If you'd just talk to me instead of stop icing me out then maybe we could fix this,” Harry advised, and Louis wanted to scoff. What was their even left to mend? He’d love to know because no amount of apologies can make him feel better. “I want to know where we went wrong.” 

Where they went wrong? Right because this was Louis fault too and not just Harry’s. Louis wasn’t the one who started dating someone behind his back and not say a damn word to the person you were sleeping with at the time. Didn’t fuck him the night before and act like it never happened the morning after. It’s so bloody infuriating that Harry had never thought for a moment that maybe Louis is in fucking pain. Hurting so much that he can’t even bottle it all up anymore to stick around for a few more years. It’s like Harry doesn’t even know him. 

“Where _we_ went wrong, right.” Louis mockingly said under his breath, folding the last pair of his jeans and setting them in his suitcase. 

“Lou-“ 

“Don’t.” Louis snapped, his gaze back on Harry. “Just- _don’t_.” 

Harry stands there motionless and silent, the tension in the air so thick Louis couldn’t almost stand it. He felt smothered in it and like he couldn't even breath. It wasn’t doing any help to his already poor mood. All he wanted to was to finish packing his damn bag and get the hell away from here. Not caring if he had to wander around the city until the train station opened, he just couldn't bare to do this. 

He was supposed to be drawing Harry out of his life, and yet so far it hadn’t been as successful as he’d hoped. 

“Just hear me out, okay?” Harry begged, but Louis didn’t even blink. Not really sure if Harry deserved an explanation after everything. But his mate carried on regardless, “I had dinner with Ellie a while ago, and I had some revelations brought to me.” 

Louis could already feel is tattered heart lower into the depth of his stomach. _Oh no_. This was the one conversation he intended to never have with Harry. Not be blindsided again and put on a happy face for him. How dare he come here and rub it in Louis’ face even after knowing he’s highly upset over something. That nothing is right between them, and he’s just being ignorant about it. 

If Louis were smart, he'd just forget his suitcase and walk out, not even letting his friend get out what he wanted to say. Yet… he wanted to know what it was that Harry and her talked about. What were those papers in his hand and why he’d been so distant before Louis was the one who walked out? 

“I wasn’t sure if I believed her at first because I didn’t want to think she kept it from me for so long and knowing the whole time we were together. That she purposely made things harder because of it.” Harry explained and Louis was lost. The corners of Harry’s lips twitched downward as he let out a sigh. “But then when I had a chance to sit down on my own and go over what she showed me I realized it was true.” 

Louis didn’t speak just bottled up his anger because suddenly he felt a slight nervousness running through his veins. Was it stupid that he was feeling a little anxious at whatever it was that Ellie showed him when he’s supposed to be angry with him? 

Like he wanted to leave, and yet something in him begged him to stay and find out what the hell Ellie did. 

Then the next thing Louis knows is Harry handed out the small stack to him, and Louis eyed them suspiciously for a moment. Glancing back up to Harry briefly before he took them and unfolded the paper. His breath hitched, and every muscle in his body tensed. 

_No_. No. No. No. No. No. 

Wetness started to pool at the corners of his eyes as he stared back at the print off of a screen capture of _Bluevelvet_. Admitting that Louis had unrequited feelings for _H_ , that he was still mourning his broken heart years later. He could feel himself starting to tremble as he hastily pulls the other paper underneath on top of it, yet again admitting his love for Harry and saying how painful it was to see him with Ellie. Louis goes onto the other and the other hastily, his vision already blurry from the cloudiness of the tears shimmering in his eyes. 

Louis never thought someone could stoop so low, but he was wrong. 

“Be honest with me, Louis.” Harry pleaded when Louis could feel the waterworks starting to fall down his cheeks, leaving droplet splotches onto the paper. 

He felt like he was going to be sick. 

“I-” Louis voice already started to crack, flinching away at the hand on his cheek trying to wipe away his tears, shaking his head. Taking a step back dragged his eyes back up to Harry, blinking away the sadness and yet it was impossible because knowing he’d been exposed and that Harry found out wasn't a good feeling. Not to mention that he was still upset with Harry so how _dare_ he try to be sweet with Louis after such a massive thing came to light. It made no sense, none at all. 

It just added to Louis’ frustration. 

“Do you love me?” Harry asked in more so a careful whisper like he was almost afraid to even speak of such a thing. 

Louis squeezed his eyes shut as more tears fell trying to calm himself a little, sniffling, but it was no use. They just kept coming, and every second that passed he felt even worse. There’s simply no covering this and Louis knew Ellie was a cruel woman yet he never thought she’d go this low. 

He should’ve known better. 

“I do,” Louis cried, opening his clouded eyes. “I’m sorry, okay?” 

Harry just stands there blinking, and that made Louis feel even worse. 

“I never meant to feel this way and didn’t think it’d ever happen to me. When Sean broke my heart, you didn't leave my side, and you were there for me when I needed you the most.” Louis blinked away the endless tears and his chest was aching. “ When you kissed me that night after I found out Sean started dating Kyle all I wanted was to forget the pain. For you to make me forget about him for a while and it did. You helped me move on from Sean, and I thank you for that.” 

Harry was still and silent, staring openly at Louis with a frown dancing around the corners of his lips. Louis knew there was no turning back now because no amount of lies could cover any of this. Not anymore. 

“And I just-- I knew I shouldn’t have slept with you and yet I was so fucking desperate for anything to get my mind off him. I never thought that I’d fall in love with you and no one ever warned me that it could happen.” Louis sniveled, his throat starting to feel scratchy as he wiped away the tears. “We’ve been mates for so damn long, and not once had I ever thought I’d want more from you. Didn’t think it could happen to me because your not suppose to have feelings for your best friend.” Louis already wanted to withdraw himself from the situation and be alone until the early morning, yet he was tired of hiding behind a facade. “Yet I was mistaken, and every night we were alone together I never wanted any of it to stop. I wanted to believe you loved me too and to be with me. That we’d be more than friends with benefits and I was so fucking foolish to believe that for a moment that maybe it was mutual.” 

When Louis thinks back to all those heart wrenching memories, he wished he could erase them. Longing to regress back to the simpler times and no longer hurting. Maybe then he would’ve been okay when Harry had finally gotten into a relationship and not a heart-aching mess. 

“But when Ellie came along it killed me inside, everyone knew you had a girlfriend but me, and I was devastated. Hurt that you kept it from me that you were seeing someone while you fucked me every night and didn't have a thought that maybe just maybe I may have actually caught feelings for you.” If Louis were honest, it felt uplifting to finally get it all off his chest even if he was a sobbing mess. He wanted Harry to know the pain he caused because this may be the only time when Louis could. “I spent the past few years trying to fall out of love with you while I watched you be with her and I never knew how much it could hurt. “ 

Harry started to open his mouth, but then closed it. His arms hanging by his sides and a pained expression etched across his face. 

Did Harry feel bad for him? Or was it guilt finally settling in? 

Louis didn’t want to figure that out because he doesn't think he could handle any more torture right now. So he just continued to pour his heart out because what else could he do? 

“I put up with Ellie because she made you happy and I just don’t know what you see in her. Why her over me?” Louis had wondered that question for so long because it made no sense. “Am I not good enough? Attractive enough?” Louis sniveled out, rubbing at his wet, raw eyes. He felt ill. “Am I nothing more than a quick fuck to you?” 

Harry promptly shakes his head, but Louis doesn’t want him to speak or react because he wasn’t finished.

“You send me all these mixed signals, and it’s fucking confusing because there are times I think that maybe you do love me, but then there are other moments when I’m discouraged. Like on our trip you kissed me, and we didn’t stop. You fucked me and then the next morning pretended it never happened.” It felt wonderful getting _that_ off his chest, it truly was. “You really hurt me, Harry.” 

The tears were long gone because Louis was just so tired of crying over something he could never have. But everything inside him was in shambles, and he didn't have the strength to just keep being here and subjecting himself to even more wretchedness. 

“And I don’t think I can keep living in this flat knowing your back together with her again. I just can’t do that to myself, I need to leave.” It wasn’t exactly how Louis wanted to break the news that he was moving out, but he was just so over it all. Tired and upset. “I’m sorry if you’re disappointed that I’m not going to stick around again, but I just can’t do this again.” 

Harry gives Louis this incredulous stare as if he couldn’t even believe what left Louis’ mouth. Now he knew how it felt when he pushed Louis into the dark. 

This was all becoming unbearable the longer he lingered in this room with a boy that makes his heart bleed. The mournful eyes staring back him, the incriminating papers in his hand, and time seemed to be at a standstill. Taking forever for morning to come so he could end this conversation and never look back on it. 

Yet it was still late, and sunrise wasn’t for a while, he needed to get away. Louis couldn't stand to stay here any longer. He felt anxious and sick. 

“I- I can’t do this right now.” Louis whimpered out, tossing the papers onto the floor and hastily walking past Harry toward his bedroom door. His eyes were already misting again, and before he even made it out the door, something grabbed him by the wrist. Slowing him to a stop and he didn’t dare look back. 

There was a slight pause for a moment before Harry cooed, “I don’t want you to leave”. 

Louis squeezed his eyes shut and broke his hand free and threw over his shoulder tearfully, “I’m sorry.” and then without delay he was already making his way out of the flat. Leaving behind his suitcase and a man that makes him down in the mouth. 

He wasn’t sure where he was going or what he was going to do up until the first train left for Doncaster. Louis didn't have a plan, and one never came to him when he took the lift to the ground floor and then making his way out to the car park. No game plan when dashes down the pavement and the tears no longer there. His heart aching just wanting something to make himself feel better. 

Louis was desperate for _anything_ , and he decided to ring the only other person that’d take him in and coddle him until he felt better. 

It rang for a few seconds before he heard that all too familiar husky voice on the other end of the line. 

“Hey, babe,“ Sean said softly into the line, and it wouldn't be a lie to say it gave a little comfort to Louis in this vulnerable state. 

“Are you home right now?” Louis asked, tears shimmering in his eyes once again. 

“Is something the matter, Lou?” 

“I need you.” 

It goes quiet on the line for a moment before Sean spoke up again and crooned, “Where are you at, love?” 

Louis rubs his sleeve against his raw eyes before he murmured out, “Standing outside _Piccolino_.” 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Sean rushed out to say and then the line went dead. 

Louis knows he never wanted to step foot into Sean’s flat, but he needed to be comforted. Ached for someone to hold him and help him feel better, knowing Sean would do it in a heartbeat. He could’ve rung Niall or Zayn, but they were busy with their boyfriends anyway. 

It didn’t take long for Sean to pull up outside the empty restaurant, maybe like three minutes tops. Louis’ just so thankful and doesn’t even give Sean the chance to get out of his car because Louis was already making his way around to the passenger side and let himself in. Sliding down into the seat and put the belt on. 

“It’s gonna be alright, Lou, ” Sean cooed, and Louis feels the weight of a hand on his thigh, and whether he wanted to admit or not, it was soothing. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better.” 

There’s no way Sean could possibly fix this mess, but he can be there to console Louis through it. 

He may be at fault to ring up an ex-love and ask for attention, but at this point, Louis doesn't give a damn. Anything Sean would give him would be more than enough. 

And he hoped this wouldn’t be a mistake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be a heavy one...
> 
> [ ](https://statcounter.com/)


	15. XIV

It’s been three days. Three _long_ days.

Louis hadn’t meant to stay this long at Sean’s flat as he should’ve already been back in Doncaster. Yet, being here with his ex-boyfriend was comforting to him, no one knew where Sean lived so they couldn't come pester him. He’d also been taken care of, like, really well.

If you would’ve asked Louis weeks or even months ago if he would’ve slept over at an ex-boyfriend for a day or two he would’ve laughed in your face. Told you to fuck off and flipped you the bird. It’s kind of funny how things change, and he feels at ease staying in the same bed as his past boyfriend. Wearing Sean’s clothes because he only had brought the ones on his back. Louis never meant to stay as long as he had, but he needed a little more time.

And Sean, he’d been a great host and didn't care if Louis stayed. In fact, he insisted Louis to stay as long as liked.

Another thing Louis appreciated about Sean taking him in, was the fact he hadn’t made Louis talk. Reveal the reason why he’d rung him in the middle night with a despairing aurora.

When Louis came here right after he was picked up outside that Italian restaurant, Sean led him to the sofa and sat with him. Tenderly rubbed at his back and pressed his lips gently against Louis’ temple. It was sweet and consolatory. Louis may had leaned into him a little more than he should have, but he was desperate. Yearning to feel the pain subside even it that meant it was temporary.

They didn’t speak for a while. No speeches until Sean’s soothing hand slid to his waist and rested there, and he asked carefully, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Louis didn’t want to think about what happened hours ago, he needed to forget.

“Later?”

Louis gnawed on his nether lip and shrugged his shoulders. Unsure if he should even tell Sean why he was so emotional at these hours. But he knows his ex-boyfriend would never try to pressure him to talk if he wasn’t up for it. Maybe he’d check-in from time to time to see if Louis was ready to let it all out, but never cornering him to force it out. It was one of the many things Louis used to love about him.

“If you ever want to tell me, I’ll listen.” Sean crooned as he pulled Louis more into him.

And even after that moment, Louis had yet to tell him anything. Over the past few days that Louis had been staying here he had turned off his mobile in fear Harry would try to reach out to him. Afraid Gemma or his mates would beg him to come back as he’s sure they already know everything that happened. Didn’t even check his Facebook or Instagram, entirely withdrawing himself from any sort of social media or ways someone could contact him.

He’s been spending an abundance amount of alone time with Sean, his ex-boyfriend had taken a few sick days to be with him. Louis told him he didn’t have to, but Sean insisted.

So they’ve spent a lot of time together, and things have been great.

Even right now as he lays there in this massive bed at six in the morning he felt content. It was dark in the room, and the only source of light came from the alarm clock on the bedside table. The early morning air was chilly, and Louis had pulled the thick blanket closer. There was a warm body pressed into him and a palm on the center of his belly. Feathery breaths tickling along the back of his neck.

Louis will admit it was nice to be held like this, he had almost forgotten what it was like to lay in bed and be cuddled in these strong arms he hadn’t had in years. He felt protected, and it’s kind of fucking maddening that he was even allowing this to happen. Yeah, he should’ve taken the guest room, but all Louis wanted was to be cuddled. Even if that meant sharing a bed with Sean for a while because he knew his ex-boyfriend would always pull him in for a snuggle. Even in the past when they were fighting or when they were just mates for a while before they dated because Sean would always put an arm around him. Any given chance to hold Louis close and give him all the affection he could.

And that’s the reason why he was here.

Louis lets out a breath as he stared back at the red numbers on the clock, he should be sleeping. Yet, here he was wide awake and wondering if either today or tomorrow he should go get his suitcase. He really didn’t want to go back there, not until more time passed, however, he really needed a bit more clothes back home in Doncaster. Not only that but maybe Sean could help him move a few things to Donny as he’s sure the man would help. They’d have to go when no one was home, Harry at work and Niall with Donovan, not wanting to walk into a mess that he left behind. Making it a smooth transition and never having to face Harry again except on holidays when their mum’s got together.

But there was one thing that Louis feared, and it was running into Ellie, wearing one of Harry’s vintage band shirts hanging off her body, and a smug look etched across her face. Proudly standing in the doorway watching Louis pack with the _I won_ aurora emitting off her. He really didn’t want to deal with that at all, and it worried him a little that she was there already. Laying in Harry’s bed, nestled under the covers, and wearing his clothes. It made Louis' heart sting at the thought.

That should’ve been him.

Louis breath hitched when he felt a gentle press of lips against the side of his neck and the hand on his stomach pulling him closer. Warm breath going down the side of his throat and legs tangling with his.

“Morning, babe,” Sean murmured out tiredly, Louis felt another sweet kiss against his skin. “Sleep okay?”

Louis swallowed and shifted in Sean’s arm to face him, no longer wanting to feel the sweet and gentleness of his ex-boyfriend lips against him. It would lead to no good. Also, it seemed to be a morning thing he had forgotten, Sean and his delicate morning kisses. It was like they were dating again when really they were not. It was making Louis’ already messy mind even more chaotic. Just needing Sean to stop even if a little part of himself didn’t want him to.

“Fine, I suppose.” Louis said softly, leaning into the hard body before him, curling his hands between their bodies and nearly whimpering at the way Seans’ own hand rest on the small of his back and slowly started to caress with his fingers.

For a moment it was silent after that as they lay there a little longer, both awake, and avoiding the morning chill.

It seemed like minutes had gone by before Sean had broken the silence and Louis felt the hand that was once giving little touches now went up the back of his top.

“It's nice having you here,” Sean cooed out, Louis stifled the whimper want to come out when he felt light scratches along his bare skin. “Past few nights have been the best sleep I’ve had in a while.”

“Is that so?” Louis asked tiredly yet teasingly.

“Very much so.”

Louis bit back his smile, nudging a little closer to Sean for a little more warmth. A bit more affection knowing he was risking it all. Being closer to his ex-boyfriend meant edging his way into another vicious cycle. Little touches and sweet compliments were one thing, but to lay in the same bed and cuddle was a whole different thing. Liking the fact how close Sean was and the hand caressing along his skin should be alarming and yet… it lessens the hurt for a bit of time.

It won’t heal the stinging pain in his heart from walking away, but it comforted him.

Louis wouldn't have known what else to do that night he left his flat, he had nowhere else to go.

The next thing he knows he feels the weight of the body on him suddenly move and the hand that was up his shirt disappeared. Almost hating it that he ached at the loss and wanted to feel Sean’s touch again.

Louis heard the flick of the lamp on Sean’s bedside table and fluttered his eyelids open. Blinking the tiredness from his eyes as he focuses in on the man beside him. Sean now back where he was yet not even touching Louis. Would it be terrible to say that Louis almost yearned to feel his touch again? They were merely inches apart, and he could so easily reach for him, but he doesn’t. No need to go for more of that no matter how much he craved it.

It’s bad enough he’s been staying with an ex-boyfriend.

“I want to ask you something,” Sean murmured out, Louis felt his gaze searching his face for a moment. “You don’t have to give me an answer yet.”

Louis stared back at Sean wondering what could it possibly be that he wanted to know.

Hopefully it had nothing to do with that mess back at his old flat.

“I know I should’ve asked you this years ago when we were dating, and things were amazing,” Sean started to say. “I was young and naive then, thought I was the hottest bloke in the city and could get all the men I wanted. Not even considering you were more than enough.” Sean brings a hand to Louis' cheek and gently slid his thumb against his skin. “Wished I would have been better for you and gave you everything you wanted.”

Louis blinked back at Sean, unsure where this was even going. They’ve already buried the hatchet so why was he bringing it all back up?

Sean let out a breath and then asked, “I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I want you here- with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want you to live here with me... if you want?”

Louis felt like a deer caught in headlights because _that_ was not what he had been expecting at all. Never in a million years had he thought Sean would ever- no! Like, he knows Sean wanted them to try again at the relationship thing in the future but not this- flatmates. That’s just asking for a recipe for disaster in the end.

Back when they were a couple he would already be kissing on Sean and crying out of happiness, telling him a mantra of yes’s. Not even having any second thought because he would’ve wanted nothing more than spends his days and nights with his boyfriend. Yet, now they’re just mates that used to date, that’s it. Sure, Louis has been sharing a bed with the man and allowing all the affection, but he was in desperate need of soothing his crying heart. Get his mind off everything that fell apart. Nothing about this stay screamed him running back into Sean’s arms after all these years.

God, no.

Louis may tend to get attached fairly easily, but that doesn’t mean he could go from man to man.

And he’s not too sure if he’s up for taking a chance.

“I don’t… I don’t know.” Louis was outright enraged with himself for not saying no. It’s like no matter how many times he tries to deny Sean, it always came out not how he wanted. Like he almost felt guilty or unsure if it’s what he wanted in the end.

He knows living with Sean he’d have endless luxuries and be well taken care of not even having to worry about rent. He could take the guest room, but something in him was screaming at him that he’d never touch that room. This bed would be his too, and they’d be sharing everything. Seeing each other every day and night. Doing many things together and it scares Louis because he’s fallen in love with the man once so he’s not going to rule it out that it could happen again.

“Like I said, you don’t have to tell me anything until your ready,” Sean uttered out, his thumb slowing to a stop, not taking his hand off Louis’ cheek. “But I do love having you here.”

Louis swallowed and flicked his gaze down at his gaze down for a moment. He felt very unsure of it all and wished Sean would stop talking about it. He just wanted to lay here a little longer maybe fall back into slumber before even starting his day.

“Just give me some time,” Louis hoped that answer was good for now enough because he didn’t know what else to tell his ex-boyfriend. “You know, I was sort of thinking of going back to Doncaster.”

Louis snapped his gaze back up to Sean who gave him a long look. His hand that was cradling Louis' cheek now fallen off and disappeared under the blanket and he could feel the weight of Sean’s hand on his hip, the ever so gentle squeeze he gave. It made Louis want to mewl under his tender touch, but he stifles that immediately.

“Why?”

“Just need a bit of change I suppose,” Louis said softly. “See my family more.”

They weren’t exactly lies, and he’d hoped Sean wouldn’t pressure any more out of him.

Sean looked to be thinking for a moment before he asked, “Maybe instead of living here, I could go with you?”

Louis blinked. He had not expected that _at all_. How serious Sean sounded to even suggest such a thing, it was mind blowing. His ex-boyfriend truly wanted him around, didn’t he?

But what about his job at the law firm? All that hard work he put in? His lavish flat that was far too big for one man alone?

Was he truly ready to give it all up because of Louis?

None of this made any sense to him.

“But- why?” Louis needed to understand why in the fuck Sean even had that thought. “You’ve got your life together and-”

“I’d rather follow you anywhere than stay here.”

Louis heart stuttered at those lovely words, he never heard Sean say such a thing to him before. Even when they were a couple, it was never brought up, but maybe that’s because Louis never thought about leaving. Still, though, it made Louis feel good to hear that.

“You’d give up everything, for me?” Louis asked, aching to know if Sean would.

There's a ghost of a smile on Sean’s lips before he cooed out, “Everything.”

Why must Sean make this hard for Louis? It was bad enough he had to deal with these unrequited feelings for Harry and trying to move on. Now he had Sean practically chasing him back into a relationship and being this sweet guy. It was fucking with Louis' head, and he wished he had it in him to pull away, yet he sought the comfort. Wanted to feel hands on him that were soothing and consoling. It’s conflicting and headache inducing.

Louis wished he would never went back for more with Harry because maybe then he wouldn’t even be here.

And Louis doesn’t want to keep talking about any of this or chatting away about anything, he wanted to ignore it all for now. Scooting a tad closer as he fluttered his eyes closed once again and whimpered when he feels Sean’s hand slid off his hip only to go under his shirt.

Maybe if they sleep, all will be left behind.

Later, when they’re sitting on the tuft upholstered sofa after breakfast, Louis tried not to fall for anything. They were watching some cheesy rom-com Louis could care less about, and Sean had his arm around him, fingers caressing at his shoulder. Not even flinching or pulling away to scratch at something, to even get a drink, just touching Louis.

Louis will admit that while sitting here he did imagine what it’d be like to live here and he won’t lie about it. The flat was opulent and capacious. The kitchen was stunning from its marble countertops to the modern appliances. The living area donned this sofa and chaise lounge chair. Massive telly mounted on the wall and fluffy white rug to pair. The gargantuan window pane overlooking the seaside. Two bedrooms that were decently sized and filled with expensive things. Massive bed that had a mirror mounted to the ceiling over it, a giant armoire that was filled with extortionate clothes. Everything made Louis feel cautious of his surrounding as he was afraid he’d break something or ruin it completely.

Sean was well off, and there was no doubt about it.

Much difference compared to when they used to date when his boyfriend at the time was flatmates in a shabby run-down flat.

But the thing was that no matter how much money and luxurious things Sean had, it still didn’t sway him. Like sure, he’d probably be taken to all the finest restaurants and department stores, no bills or not having to worry about money. It’s a privilege to be asked to come live here, and he knows that. It’s just he doesn’t want to take the chance or running into his past again. Down the pavement, the market, the city centre, train station, and any other place in this city. It’s bad enough he’d have to endure the holidays with Harry, but at least then that’s only once a year.

So he’s not sure… not at all.

As the day carried on they didn’t do too much as it was a rainy day, mostly sitting around watching films that were romcom and comedies. Ordering takeaway and taking little breaks here and there to stretch their legs. Sean also had made a few business calls. But even as Louis spent his day lounging around with his ex-boyfriend, he too found himself wanting a little more from him. Not a lot, but _something_.

It was when they moved from the sofa to the bed after dinner. Sean had went to take a shower, leaving Louis to fend for himself. Sat on the massive bed in nothing but a pair of Sean’s joggers and jumper. Phone in his hand and contemplating to turn it back on after all this time. Like, yeah he was terrified to even see his messages because who knows what could be waiting for him. Yet, a part of him wanted to know if he had anything for him, to know if Harry even reached out for him. If Harry missed him as much as Louis did.

But he was smarter than that and tossed it onto the bedside table. He didn’t need to think about Harry, or wondering if he was trying to send Louis a message. If Harry truly cared enough to salvage their friendship, he would've already found him.

Then again Louis was withdrawing himself from his old life so why should he be even thinking this way?

He needed to go to the flat tomorrow morning and get his things. Louis hoped and prayed no one would be home.

The bedroom door swings open seconds later, and Louis thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest. Sean’s glorious muscles and tattoos on display and joggers dangerously low on his hips. His hair tousled and his arse looked delectable in those tight bottoms he had on. His beautiful carved back muscles and biceps _fuck_ \- Louis needed to stop this right now!

It was like Sean did it on purpose to fuck with Louis’ head.

What made it even worse was when Sean walked right on past his armoire and claimed the spot next to him on the bed. So he was going to make Louis endure this, of fucking course he was.

Why did his ex-boyfriend have to be so fit? Be attracted to him still after all these years? It wasn’t fair.

“Did you happen to lose your shirt on the way back, sir?” Louis quipped, trying his hardest to not stare at Sean’s chest or broad shoulders. “Bit chilly innit?”

Sean smirked and said, “Does it bother you?”

Louis stared at him and swallowed, biting back a small whimper when Sean’s hand rests on his knee. The contact did no help towards Louis inner turmoil right now.

“No, by all means, walk around like that, you own the place, don’t you?”

“So you admit it then?”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Admit what?”

Sean licked at his lips and Louis wanted to melt under his touch when he felt the hand on his knee slide up to his thigh. God, why was he such a goddamn mess right now? He was fine the whole time he’s stayed, and now Sean’s shirtless around him, and it fucks everything up. Makes him have thoughts and urges that he shouldn't have. Not when he’s trying to get over one guy, he didn’t need to go to the next.

“You like what you see,” Sean stated, his eyes fallen to Louis' lips for a moment and that makes Louis’ heart start to bang up against his chest. “Don’t you?”

Louis swallowed at being put on blast like that, it was as if Sean could see right through him.

_Fuck_. 

“You should already know that answer.” Louis decided to play it coy and nudged his shoulder against his ex-boyfriends playfully.

Sean snickered and then it was silent after that. The palm resting on his thigh didn’t nudge, and the way Sean gazed at his mouth didn’t either. Louis felt breathless and trembly, not knowing if he wanted his past love’s to put another hand on him or not. Slightly dizzy at the way Sean moves to face him a little more, but his palm not leaving its spot. Just resting there like he wanted to feel Louis, to touch him in an intimate way like a boyfriend would. Sean was making this difficult for him.

“Do you remember when we were back in uni and that night when you finally decided to sleepover in my dorm?” Sean brought up, giving Louis’ leg a gentle squeeze. “You were nervous.”

Louis felt the corners of his lips slid upward at the distant memory. Of course, he didn't forget, how could he?

“Well it was my first time. I was dating an experienced man so of course, I was anxious.”

It was on a Friday after one of the parties they attended, they were dating for about three months. Sean and asked him in the back garden of Ryan’s private accommodation. The house to clustered and loud. They had decided to escape it for a moment and went outside because no one wanted to face the cold. It was winter and Louis didn’t want to either, but the house was sweltering, and Sean wanted to have him alone. They walked along the fencing not really saying much other than Louis complaining about the frosty air. Sean had his arm around Louis. Eventually, at some point, they’d slow to a stop and Sean had asked Louis if he’d like to go back to his for the night.

“You had nothing to worry about though, you were amazing, Lou.”

Louis felt heat inch to his cheeks at the praise he’s heard countless times in the past, it never got old. Always made him feel reassured. Up until that point in his life he’d never wrapped his lips around another mans cock before so of course he was anxious. However, he felt comfortable enough to do that with Sean at the time.

“Not my finest work, but you seemed to like it.” Louis commented smugly, trying his hardest not to melt under Sean’s hand that slid a little more up his thigh. Hopeful that masking smugness over the growing fuzziness in his mind would help him dial it back.

If this were months ago Louis wouldn’t feel open to talk about their past sex life. Fuck, no. He used to feel so insecure when he found out about all those guys Sean had slept with. Made him feel bad about himself that he couldn’t even please his boyfriend. So it was nice to hear that their bedroom moments had nothing to do with the infidelity. Or at least it seemed that way.

“And I always loved every time we did stuff like that… you were always so good,” Sean gaze flicked between Louis’ lips and his eyes before he whispered. “So hot.”

The hand on his leg was gone, now cradled against his cheek and Louis felt like he couldn't even breathe. Motionless and his ears roaring. Trembling at the way Sean’s burning gaze lingered on him for a while until he felt his past love’s lips on his. His kiss dirty and rough, like he’d been aching to do this for so long and Louis whines against his lips. Another hand on his shoulder and Louis wanted to go pliant against his touch. It’d been years and god, Sean was still a fantastic kisser, he _knew_ what he was doing.

Knew what he was doing to Louis in this very moment when he coaxed his tongue into his mouth. Knew how to get these small whimpers and mewls out of him as they snogged.

It was intoxicatingly sinful at the way his fingers against his cheek slid into his hair, pulling him a little closer. A little deeper into the kiss. Louis wanted this, but he also didn’t want it. Aching and torn on what to even do with himself as Sean paints his mouth. Not sure whether to grab for him or pull away. Stop or keep going. Louis was dizzy for it that he wasn’t even sure if this was lust talking or just a cry for attention. A sob for affection he yearned to have from the wrong man. Louis didn’t know what he wanted.

Louis gasped mid-snog when he felt himself being pushed back into the mattress, the lips still on his, tongue against his, and there’s a hand up his shirt resting on his bare hip. Louis own fingers found their way to Sean’s body above him, digging his nails into his sides. Clawing at his soft, velvety skin.

They stayed like that for a moment, wild and hot. Eventually, Sean broke it and started peppering open mouth kisses down Louis’ neck. Many soft noises escaped his lips, and he could already feel himself starting to get hard.

“I really missed you, everything about you.” Sean groaned into his ear as he nibbled and sucked at Louis’ throat. Teeth grazed along where he kissed. “Wanted my baby back so damn bad.”

Louis whined at those words, it made his heart swell and his the room already starting to feel hotter. The jumper cloaked against his body felt scratchy and warm. Sean was driving him mad.

“All I need is you.” Sean husked into his ear, his warm breath fanning along his neck causing Louis to shiver.

The lips are back to pressing against his sensitive skin, the hand up his top now pushing up the jumper and the cool air hitting Louis’ tummy. Louis chomped down on his nether lip as his head tilted back into the pillow, holding back a moan begging to escape when the hand is back on his skin and Sean started to suck at a spot just below his jaw.

“Oh fuck.” Louis whimpered out, it came out more trembly than anything. His body lurched up into his ex-boyfriend, begging for friction. Anything to help the problem in his trousers, pressing against his boxer. Louis’s cock was pulsing and tingly. He was dripping in pleasure.

When Sean pulled away from the heated kiss, Louis made needed him to come back. To not stop and just make him feel good. To fuck the sadness out of him because he knows, he fucking _knows >_ it works. Louis needed it. Wanted it and craved it in this very moment.

His eyes snapped open and gasped when he realized Sean had taken off his joggers in a matter of seconds and tossed them to the ground, the outline of his big dick against his boxers had Louis twitching. His mouth went dry, and he was sure he was already leaking. Sean looked so fucking beddable, and he had almost forgotten how fucking fit he was. His hard muscles and tattoos. Like his ex-boyfriend was a good looking man… but holy hell. He was so _hot_.

Sean reached for the bottom of Louis’ shirt and helped him out of it before he went in for another heated kiss.

Hands wander along Louis’ torso until fingers curled into the waistband of his joggers. Louis moaned at his own hand being grabbed and slid between their bodies. Into Sean’s pants, wrapping his hand around that thick hardness and slowly started to rub him. Louis was aching all over, his hand working Sean desperately, and heart soaring.

“Just like that, baby.” Sean growled into the kiss, breaking it for now and pressed his face into the crook of Louis’ neck. “You missed him, didn't you?’

Louis squeezed at his dick at those filthy words he hadn’t heard in forever. Sean was usually a charming man, but when it came to sex, he was like a whole different person. A sexual deviant. Nothing in comparison to a certain curly haired beauty, but still.

“So good.” Sean moaned out, and before Louis knew it, he felt Sean pull away once again, his hand no longer in his ex-boyfriend pants. 

Louis stared back up to his past love who was on his knees and already undoing the ties to Louis joggers to loosen them.

And yet as he lays here and lets Sean yank them off down his body and off to the floor. Something hits him full force suddenly when his ex-boyfriend is back on his neck, cupping Louis through his boxers. It won't leave or stop. Louis wanted this, and yet, all he could think about was someone else.

When Sean kissed him again animalistically, his mind was flooded with how this wasn’t a good idea. That he was going to regret this in the morning and hate himself for it. That sleeping with Sean wasn’t going to solve a damn thing, and he couldn’t replace Harry. Maybe that’s what Louis had been doing all along… thinking of Harry while Sean touched him. Yearning to have someone be the man he longed for and make love to him the way Harry would. It confused and bothered Louis.

It was when Sean started to tuck his fingers into the elastic of Louis’ pants when he spoke up.

“Sean… I can’t... stop!” Louis begged tears starting to prick the corners of his eyes. He felt ashamed. Embarrassed he let this go so far when he never intended it to ever get to this point. “I can’t do this.”

And Sean did. He sat on his knees and stared at Louis, a worried expression sat on his face, hands no longer on Louis’ body except his own. Resting on his thighs. Louis propped himself up on the elbows and just stared at him. Trying to still catch his breath and understand it all.

“Everything okay?”

Louis shook his head and said glumly “Can you just hold me, please?”

Sean’s face softened and gave a little nod, moving away from his spot only to fall into the one beside Louis. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. Louis nestled against him, head on his chest. Trying his hardest to calm down as he wrapped his arm over his ex-boyfriend's waist. Glad that Sean hadn’t ignored him or gotten upset at the sudden mood swing. Just caressed his fingers along Louis’ skin tenderly.

“Was it something I did?” Sean asked, “I knew I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s not your fault,” Louis reassured, his eyes closed as he felt himself coming back down from that temporary high. “I’ve got a lot going on right now, and I don’t know-”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Sean cooed out. His touch still gentle and soft, Louis loved it. It soothed him. “Not until your ready or if you need me to just be here for you, I will.”

Louis didn’t say anything after that, he needed silence. Wanted no more speeches or questions thrown his way. He wanted to fall asleep like this and wake up to a new day. Go grab his things and head on home because clearly staying with Sean wasn’t doing him any good. They almost had sex for fuck sakes.

First Harry and now someone else? Louis needed to get a grip on his life. Knowing it was for the best to go back to Doncaster tomorrow.

Liverpool had been nothing but a depressing mess these past few years and Louis was sick of it.

As for the moment in time, Louis laid here in Sean’s arms until he was lulled into a deep slumber.

It was about seven in the morning when Louis had awoken to a warm body against his, blanket covered, and his face pressed into Sean’s hard chest. Blinking the sleep from his eyes and didn’t move. Not for a while because he was cozy laying here trying to avoid the early morning chill.

But Louis knew sooner or later he’d have to get up and change into his own clothes. Head on back to his flat to fetch his suitcase. Certain Harry had to work this morning, and Niall was with Donovan. God, Niall better be not be there because Louis doesn’t think he has it in him to deal with him on top of everything else.

He loved Niall dearly and all… but it’d be easier if he wasn’t there.

And so with that, Louis decided no later than nine should he arrive at his old home and spend no less than an hour there. He didn’t have much, so how hard could it be?

It took about an hour before he could start his day, removing himself from the warmth even though he truly didn’t want to. It was freezing, and he was in nothing but his pants. Louis hated every second of it. Quick to change into the clothes he arrived with on his back even if Sean had insisted he could borrow again if he wanted, but Louis shook his head and told him it's fine. That he’s been spoiled enough.

Sure, maybe the real reason he didn’t want to cover his body in his ex-boyfriend's garments because he was going back home later and the last thing he needed was to be questioned by his nosey sisters. Also, maybe because after what happened last night might make things more real between them. That’s just not something Louis wanted to deal with.

Sean had been good to him, and all, but enough was enough.

Louis so fucking glad that they left Sean’s building no later than eight thirty, he lived about six minutes from his own. The morning air was terrible. Cool and crisp, Louis really needed to bust out his jacket soon.

The ride to his old building was a quiet one, and Louis appreciated that heater was kicked on for him. He felt anxious and jittery. Nausea just sitting in the pit of his stomach thinking of all the what if’s. _If Harry didn’t have to work today, Niall and Donovan were there, Niall and Harry were both home,_ or _if Ellie was there_.

Louis’ heart was in his throat, and his hands were already starting to get clammy, not even the hand on his thigh could soothe his anxieties.

But when they eventually pulled into the car park, Louis felt relieved when he didn’t see Harry’s car or Gemma’s. Niall didn't’ have any sort of transportation like Louis himself, so he had his fingers crossed none of his worries would be a reality.

It was as if he had freaked out for nothing when they stepped into the vacant flat. No signs of life anywhere. Harry and Niall’s bedroom door wide open and their shoes gone near the landing. The living room looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in days and it was silent. The only door closed was Louis’ bedroom, and he wondered who shut it. Closed it off so no one could go through his things or preserve it how he’d left it.

Louis had so many questions going through his brain as he heads to his space where he hadn’t been in days. Dying to get this over with and wondering how much clothes he could fit into his suitcase to get him by a little longer before coming back again. He felt not at ease when he opened his bedroom door, he felt as if something clenched inside him when his eyes land on the scene before him.

Suitcase right where he left it and the garments that laid haphazardly around it spread among his bed were still there too. It brought back that awful memory of spilling his heart out to Harry. Which was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.

Louis thought he was going to be sick.

“What did you need help with, Lou?” Sean asked when Louis footed it back over to his bed and let out a breath, “Anything heavy?”

Louis gnawed on his lip and thought for a moment. Wondering if he should take his desktop with him later. It’d been forever since he got to have the thing and his laptop was still a piece of dodgy piece of shit that had massive mood swings. Maybe he could do a little more blogging now that he’d have it back.

And you know… he’d thought about deleting his Tumblr. _Bluevelvet_ was tainted and no longer a safe space. No more hiding behind a false online persona to pour your heart out. How could he?

Ellie ruined that for him, took away his privacy all because she felt threatened.

It hurt him gravely and he’s not sure if he’d be up to blogging ever again.

“I think my computer is the only heavy thing, just need clothes more than anything.” Louis kind of wished he had another holdall or luggage. He’d just love to take every piece with him, clear that damn wardrobe out. Sure, he could have asked Sean to borrow one his probably _designer_ suitcases for the night. But whatever, as long as he could get a majority to fit then, that’s good enough.

He could always have Niall send the rest through the post.

“I’ll take that down to my car after your packed, babe.” Sean said, already beside Louis and staring at him with a small smile.

“Thank you.” Louis muttered out as he grabbed one of his maroon jumpers off the bed.

They spent about five minutes folding clothes and trying to figure out how to fit as much as Louis could into such a small compartment. Deciding what he wanted to take with him and couldn’t live without.

Louis was in the middle of folding a pair of his trousers when he felt a hand on his waist and gentle featherlight kiss on his neck. Shivers ran down Louis’ spine at the unexpected affection and the warm breath going down his throat.

“Let’s take a little break, love.”

Louis sighed, now wasn’t the best time to be taking a hiatus from packing, he still had to fit his damn jeans in his over pouring suitcase for crying out loud. Can’t they take a break after they leave?

He was about to protest and continue on with what he was doing until the hand on him squeezed ever slightly against him. Another press of Sean’s lips against his skin causes a small noise to fall from Louis’ lips, and the pair of jeans dropped back onto the bed. Louis felt Sean’s pushed into him from behind and arms slid around his waist. Holding him tight.

“I missed this, Lou,” Sean whispered into Louis’ ear, “Don’t you?”

Louis stifled an oncoming whimper when Sean started to kiss on his throat once again knowing he needed to put a stop to this immediately. Right now was _not_ the right time or place. Not only that doesn't Sean remember what happened last night? Does it ring a bell that Louis didn’t want to sleep with him?

The was just messing with Louis’ head.

And before it gets out of hand and Louis’ too horny to function, he turned in his ex-boyfriend’s arms and stared up at him. Rested his hands on his hard chest because he was unsure what to do with them and maybe he kind of wanted a feel.

“Sean-”

“I know we're not dating, but you ever miss it?”

Louis blinked up at his past love at that question, trying to comprehend what exactly Sean was getting at. Did he mean them or just the physical stuff?

“What do you mean?” Louis inquired, his heart stuttering when Sean’s eyes fall onto his lips for a fleeting moment.

“Us.” Sean cooed out, catching Louis by surprise.

He knew his ex-boyfriend wanted to get back together with him, but damn. Way to make Louis suddenly feel nervous.

“Uh…” Louis didn’t know what to say, what in the fuck does one to say to someone that had hurt you badly in the past? A guy that used to mean so much to you and now you were mates that almost slept together the night before? One that makes you discombobulated?

The way Sean was staring at him wasn’t helping with his already frazzled nerves. It was the same look he had been giving Louis last night before they kissed. The one that screamed _I really fucking want you_ , and it had him frozen in place. That gaze was paralyzing, and Louis wished it couldn’t hold such an effect on him.

Louis let out a breathy noise when one of Sean’s hands came up and slide his fingers against Louis' cheek, cupping it softly. Tensing in his arms at the touch and when Sean started to lean in. Sean’s lips were on his in a matter of seconds, and it was gentle yet needy.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” A voice bellowed in the distance and Louis couldn’t have pushed himself out of Sean’s arms fast enough.

Louis felt like he couldn’t even breath when he stares at Harry whose definitely _not_ at work, standing in the doorway. Arms slack at his sides and hair a mess. Raggedy clothes and then it clicked in Louis mind that Harry must have gone to the gym. 

And he knows this looked really bad and that there’s simply no way to dismiss the kiss that happened. Not when Harry got a glimpse of Sean’s lips on his, hands on his body, and after admitting to Harry days ago how he felt. This just made him seem desperate to have someone so he wouldn’t be alone. Louis didn’t know what to do or say.

The look in Harry’s eyes was cold, hard, and flinty. It made Louis feel so small because he looked so mad and yet the droopiness in his shoulder meant otherwise. The lingering grimace that just screamed _I’m in pain_ and that confused Louis.

Because Harry shouldn’t be the one filled with grief.

“I should’ve known you went back to him, you always do,” Harry jeered, his chin trembling. “It like I can’t win no matter what.”

Louis blinked because he didn’t understand. What did he mean by _I can’t win_ and why does it sound like there was a bit of hurt laced into his angered tone?

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, his heart palpitating at the anticipation because who knows what was about to leave Harry's mouth next.

Harry lets out a heavy sigh and shook his head. “You told me you loved me days ago and now you’re back in his arms. Is that where you’ve been the whole time?”

Louis frowned, flicking his gaze toward the ground. He had this guilt feeling just tugging at his heartstrings.

And Harry wasn’t wrong, Louis did go back to Sean, but not in the way he thinks. He only went to soothe the pain not because he longed to be with him in the end. He doesn't get why it bothers Harry so much anyway he had Ellie didn’t he?

“You’ve been staying with him, haven’t you?”

Louis dolefully nodded, he hadn’t felt more ashamed in his life.

It’s silent for a moment and as if time stood still. Louis wanted to cry, scream, and just tell Harry that it’s not what it seems. That all he wanted was comfort and someone to be there for him, that Sean and him weren’t a couple.

Yet, why should Harry care?

Harry ley out this subdued sort of laughter and muttered out, “ I should’ve known better.”

Louis snapped his gaze back up to Harry because what was _that_ supposed to mean? Is he bitter or something because Louis didn’t stick around? That he’s upset because he thinks Sean’s back in the picture? Or what?

He was about to open his mouth when Harry started to talk again.

“Should’ve known after all this time, all these years that there’s always someone else,” Harry said tartly. His eyes were glossy and his body tense. Louis wanted nothing more than to console him, and yet he felt weighed down. “I’ve always had to sit on the sidelines and watch you be with all them. Kiss them. Hug them. Hold there hand. Everything. It was the worst because I knew that the happiness they gave you was temporary. That in the end, they’d hurt you. That they couldn’t love you and cherish you. Not understanding how lucky they were because they got to be with you.

“You’re one in a million and I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Never in my life had I known someone so wonderful. Stunning and such an amazing personality. It wasn’t a surprise that you’d always have these men chasing after you. But you know it was hard for me because I wanted to be those boys, I wanted to have the courage to go up to you and pour my heart out to you. To tell you that I could treat you better than all of them and make a promise to you that I’d never hurt you. That I’ve got these genuine feelings for you.”

Louis’ heart stalled at those words. _I’ve got feelings for you_. He was shocked and gobsmacked at the revelation. Not once had he ever thought in the past before their special relationship that Harry fancied him. He always thought he was just sweet and kind to Louis over the years and gave him a little more special treatment because they’ve known each other since they were in nappies. Their mums are best friends and thought Harry was just looking out for him. It never crossed his mind that there was a possibility Harry liked him. No wonder he wasn’t too fond of all his boyfriend in the past and all the boys he liked. It all made sense now.

And he wanted to know more.

“How long?” Louis asked carefully, he _needed_ to know how long this had been going on for, how many months or years Harry had been pining after him.

“Since I was fifteen,” Harry admitted, his eyes were shimmering with tears. “And you know there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t stopped loving you. Even when I was with Ellie, all I could ever think about was you. I wanted you, and I’ve always had. I should’ve never dated her because I knew there was no chance in hell that she’d help me get over you. Forcing myself to stay in a relationship that made me unhappy because she wasn’t you, Lou. I knew I could never care for her the way I do for you. But I tried so hard to be happy and move on from these feelings because I was worried at some point you’d leave. Afraid you’d find someone else. You always do.

“And it hurt me to walk away from you because during those months we slept together I fell in love with you even more. I wish I wouldn't had been such a coward and just told you how I felt.” Harry admitted, his voice shaky and on the brink of cracking. “I wanted to stay… I really did.”

 _Ten years_. All this time gone by and Harry had hidden it from the world. From Louis who was oblivious then and now. His heart pangs for Harry because he couldn’t imagine the pain he endured over the years. Forcing himself to move on in fear of being hurt in the end. Yet what he said about Ellie it made even more sense to him now than before. No wonder she wanted to move far away, it wasn’t just because of Louis. It was Harry too, her boyfriend's heart belonged to someone else.

“That night at the hotel when we had slept together, I didn’t mean for it to go that far and I knew if I didn’t distance myself from you for a while that I’d want more. I know myself because over the years when we were just teenagers there were so many moments where I may have crossed a line. Held you for too long, hugged you too tight, or let you wear my clothes because it gave me a little taste of what it would be like to be in your boyfriend's place. I wished I would have been wiser and just went for it. Not be so scared of rejection or losing you. Never bothered trying to move on and wasting almost three years away for nothing. Because maybe then we’d be happy and together.

"I always thought that if I ever got my chance with you that I'd be one of the good ones. Now I realize how can I be that after everything I've done?" 

Louis thought he was about to burst into tears. The thought of rewinding the clocks back in time to recreate a moment in history would be amazing. Instead of sadness and heartache, there would be love and happiness. They’d be together and enjoying their life. Ellie would be nothing to them, neither would Travis, and all the moments Louis had spent over the years watching Harry be with someone else. If only life were like a film or a book, because what he would give to go back in time to tell Harry how he felt without being afraid because he loved him too.

It’s sad how things turned out, but at least now it was all out in the open.

“I understand if you hate me for all of this and never wanna talk to me again, but I wanted you to know that you’re my best mate and that no matter what I’ll always be here for you. That if you decided to stay and just want to be friends, then that’s okay, even if that means spending the rest of my life loving you without having you then so be it, “ Harry said tearfully. “I just don’t think I can live without you.”

Louis’ heart swelled. To know Harry couldn’t bear to have Louis no longer around really did something to him. Everything he told him was a lot to process, but uplifting because he finally got what he should’ve been given years ago.

“I know none of this makes up for everything I’ve done, and I hate that I hurt you,” Harry looked absolutely defeated, his tears long gone. Eyes red and filled with regret. “ I’m so sorry, Louis”

The moment of silence that follows is delicate and yet charged with many emotions. Hurt, anger, frustration, confusion, the lot. Louis didn’t know what to say or do because he’d never dealt with something like this before. Being in love with a friend who loves you just as much if not more, but hadn’t ever acknowledged each other's feelings. It’s overwhelming.

And before Harry or Louis broke the moment to say any more, Sean cleared his throat and decided to speak for them.

“Lou, before you sink in all his words I need to tell you something,” Sean stated, his tone was rushed and worrisome.

Sean stepped in front of Louis and let out a sigh, blocking his view of his grieving mate.

What was Sean doing?

“I wanted to wait and do this when we were back at your mum’s, but I feel like it’s if I don’t do it now then I’ll never have my chance,” Sean started to say, and Louis just stared at him, his heart still aching and stomach hollow as ever. “I let you walk out of my life once, and I’ll be damned if it happens again. Ever since you came back to my life seven months ago it’s happiest I’ve ever been, and I wished I would’ve come sooner. Gave you the apology you deserved and the closure. I know I can’t take back the past and rewrite the history we had, but I ’ve been so good to you. Treated you like a king and I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed you, how much I wanted you back.

“I’ve fallen back in love with you, and I don’t wanna waste my time anymore, ”Sean admitted, Louis froze up when he watches Sean pushed his hand into the pocket of his trousers. “And I know the timing may be bad and not romantic as it should be, but I’m willing to take the chance.”

Then Sean went down on one knee, pulling out a small black box from his pocket. Louis was thunderstruck, standing there looking down at his ex-boyfriend opening up the box to reveal that black plated engagement ring that was supposed to be his years ago.

“I know this may seem rushed, but I don’t think I can wait another five years to have the chance to do this. I can’t see myself with anyone else, Lou. I’ve kept the ring the whole time in case you ever came back,” Sean’s words hit Louis like a ton of bricks, he had it this whole time. “And now you’ve let me back in I feel like it’s my last chance to cement myself back into your life.

“And I promise you that no matter what happens I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always take care of you, I have more than enough money to live a comfortable life with you. We could get a house and a puppy. Have a family. Do everything we both wanted to do in our lives and not have to worry about finances or regrets. Spoil you till the end of time because I’d do anything for you,

“I want to give you the wedding you always deserved,” Sean cooed out, he had a ghost of a smile on his lips. “And I was wondering if you’d like to spend the rest of your life with me too?”

Louis felt tears starting to well in his eyes as he looked at the ring that called his name, not expecting this at all. A proposal and a confession, two men professing their love for him. It was overpowering, and Louis had many feelings going through his heart and mind.

His gaze lingered on the ring before they slowly met with Harry's sad ones. Louis wanted to burst into tears unsure what to do or think. Not certain if he should walk away from them both or make up his mind. Take a chance with a marriage to someone who used to mean so much to him or be with the man he’s longed for over the past few years.

It was heart wrenching and made Louis want to run off and ring his mum, ask her what he should do. Cry to her because he feels like no matter what he’s going to be hurting someone. Hurting himself.

Because he doesn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... cliffhanger :/
> 
> but I'm going to announce that this fic is coming to an end soon, maybe a two or three chapters are left... still undecided!
> 
>  
> 
> [](https://statcounter.com/)  
>   
> 


	16. XV

_If you’d like to spend the rest of your life with me too?_

Louis’ heart was torn and throbbing, he never had in his life ever came to a point where he’d have to make such a decision that intensified his pain. Choosing between two boys that want nothing more than to have Louis’ love. Who longed to be his other half.

Who would’ve thought he’d be thrown into this heart-wrenching love triangle?

He surely didn’t.

On one hand, he could finally have that fairy tale ending he always dreamed of, the idea of marriage was something he yearned for. To know someone wanted to spend their life with him and Sean wanted to. He was on his knee asking for another chance, a risky move Louis would say. Especially after everything they went through. They have a history that’s bittersweet, and a part of him adores the idea of commitment.

Yet… something in his heart was telling him that if he went through with an engagement and eventually married, he’d be unhappy. Trapped into a relationship where he couldn’t give himself away one hundred percent and love Sean unconditionally.

That he only liked the idea of having someone to call his husband.

Louis could’ve had this years ago, and at the time he would already be saying yes, crying tears of joy, and already had the ring on his finger. Young and in love. Excited for the new chapter in his life.

But that was then, and this is now… and Louis can’t find it in himself to do it.

He didn’t feel the same way he did years ago…

“Sean...” Louis' voice was soft, and his gaze fell back down to his ex-boyfriend. “I can’t.”

His ex-boyfriend’s face fell into a grimace, the small black box snapped shut, and he’s on his feet towering over Louis.

“Why not?” Sean asked as he let out an irritated sigh. “I could give you everything you want, and I’ve proven myself to you that I’ve changed.”

“Just because you’re not the same man I knew years ago doesn’t mean I should marry you.” Louis explained, hoping that Sean would understand and not be so reactive and yet… he had a feeling this may not go over too well. “I don’t need your money to be happy, Sean. I just-”

“But I’ve been so good to you, and I made up for what I did,” Sean sounded outright angry, the ring box in his hand clenched in his grip. “You’re going to throw away all that progress we’ve made because you wanna be with _him_?”

“And I appreciate you for that, I do, ”Louis' hands were trembling, and all he wanted to do was Sean to leave. Stop trying to argue his points to win his fight. “But… I don’t love you.”

Sean’s jaw was clenched, and Louis watched him shove the ring back into his pocket and just glared at him. It made Louis feel so small, and he hated every second of it, never had he been on the end of his past loves anger like this. Not once had he received such a look and Louis hated it.

“Can’t believe I wasted my time trying to get you back when I clearly never had a chance,” Sean said sharply. “I always had a feeling at some point you’d go off and fuck him.”

Louis furrowed his brows, Sean was being a dick. Throwing a tantrum because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. It was one thing that Sean was upset, but it was another now that he was practically insulting him.

“Wouldn’t be shocked if you did when we were together.” Sean sneered and that hurt Louis, speared right through his heart.

How could Sean say such a thing?

Louis wasn’t the one who ran off every night to be in someone's else's bed while they were together.

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Louis was getting upset, he never liked to argue or be picked on. Especially not with someone who you thought loved you was now accusing you of something you never did. “How could you even say that?”

“Because I have eyes, I’ve seen the way he stared at you and touched you.” Sean snapped, taking a step closer and Louis felt suffocated. “Do you really think I’m that dense, Louis?”

Louis swallowed and shook his head, he didn’t know what to tell Sean. It’s not his fault that Harry was infatuated with him at the time, he had no control over that. So he doesn’t get why Sean’s holding that against him. It was like he wanted to intentionally hurt Louis.

And before Louis opened his mouth to defend himself Sean spoke up once again.

“Don’t play me for a fool,” Sean shook his head, and Louis didn’t understand why all of a sudden it felt as if he were the one who ruined their relationship. What he didn’t get was the fact Sean was bringing this all up now when he never said anything about it in the past. “I dated you for five years, and I almost feel like I wasted my time.”

“You’re the one whose time got wasted? Excuse you?” Louis was offended by that, how _dare_ Sean say that. Louis was the one who spent half a decade with the man who he thought was the love of his life. Clearly, someone had a memory like a sieve. 

“And you tossed it away again, making me think for a moment that you might actually care for me,” Sean retorted, his nostrils flaring and skin flush. “But I was wrong; clearly you’d rather get on your knees for him then give me your hand.”

Louis frowned, that was quite the low blow coming from his ex-boyfriend who was far from perfect. He didn’t want Sean to keep degrading him for the choice he made because he’s unhappy with the outcome, Louis didn’t want to hear it.

He was about to open up his mouth when Harry stepped in front of him, his back in Louis’ face, standing between them.

“Out,” Harry hissed, and Louis swallowed, crossing his arms against his chest, feeling a little happy inside that he was being shielded from the negativity. Guarded and protected. “Get out.”

“Oh piss off will you, I’m not done talking with Louis,” Sean spat, and Louis didn’t want to hear whatever else his ex-boyfriend wanted to throw his way. “Move.”

“No,” Harry countered, being stubborn and it was one of those moments where Louis loved that about him. “You’ve said more than enough so you can find yourself to the door.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

“I’m not going to let you keep talking to him like that, Louis was nothing but sweet to you, and gave you another chance. Yet here you are being an ungrateful prick to him because he told you no.”

Sean huffed, and Louis hoped that was enough for his ex-boyfriend to leave already, he already made Louis feel bad. No need to make it worse. Even if the feelings weren't there, it still didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear such things leave Sean’s mouth. He never liked to be accused of something he didn’t do or berated. Especially with someone who he gave his heart to in the past.

“Because I’m better for him than you, I could give him everything,” Sean wasn’t giving up, and Louis could feel the anger just oozing from the body in front of him, “He’s just being unreasonable and not understanding of anything.”

“He doesn't want to marry you, so leave!” Harry demanded, his body was shaking and all Louis wanted to do was put a soothing hand on him. He had never seen his mate this angry before, it wasn't like that night Harry found out Travis was his date or when he found out about Sean. No. It was different, and Louis was almost sure at some point his mate may snap completely. 

There’s a thick silence in the air that follows, and Louis wanted to coil in on himself. It was unbearable and nerving because tense feeling made him feel not so good. Anxious at whatever was about to happen next.

“Lou-”

“Please go,” Louis spoke up this time, he didn't want to hear any more of what Sean was about to say or ask. He was done with it.

And then next thing Louis knows is he heard quick footsteps and a door slamming the distance.

Harry turned around, his face now soft and his eyes on Louis are gentle. Such a contrast from earlier. “He was in the wrong and don’t you think for a moment any of what he said was true.”

His mate's words were sweet and eased the hostility out of the room slowly, at least now he was alone with Harry. Everything out in the open and no more hiding behind false facades because now they had to talk. No running back to Doncaster or being in relationships that made you unhappy. Just them and no one else. They needed this.

Because Louis wanted to be with Harry. He loved him.

“I’m not normally a violent person, but I was so close to throwing a punch,” Harry said, and Louis’ not going to lie the thought of Harry going to that length to protect him had his heart already starting to swell. “I just hope you’re okay?”

Louis nodded, the corners of his lips slowly starting to quirk upward. The first time he’s felt a little bit of peace in days.

“You’re so sweet to me,” Louis cooed, he wanted to reach out and touch him. Rest his hand on Harry’s arm or waist, wanting to tell him that he wanted to be with him. “Wished I would have realized that sooner.”

“It’s okay,” Harry murmured, and Louis had a feeling his mate would say something like that.

Another silence falls over them, and Louis doesn’t know what to say, he wanted to tell Harry he was sorry too. For running off and making him go through the years of constant heartache. Louis thought he had it bad, but clearly, Harry had it even worse. He should’ve realized it years ago, and he’s almost angry at himself for being so oblivious. Thinking Harry was only being a good mate to him.

It’s sad how he never could see it.

But the one thing Louis could do was show him his gratitude and affection.

Without any hesitation, Louis brought one of his hands up and slid it around the back of Harry’s neck, leaning up, and pressed his lips against Harry. His other hand cradled against his mate's cheek. The kiss sweet and slow.

It was fleeting, but just enough to send the message to Harry.

When Louis pulled back his face a little, Harry stolen another kiss from him and he smiled. Staring him in the eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”

Louis doesn’t want to pull away, but he does. Reluctantly pulling his hands off his mate knowing they needed to talk. Have a serious heart to heart before anything else could happen.

“I don’t hate you, and I don’t think I could ever feel such a way about you, it’s foolish for you to even think that way,” Louis said lightly, he could never apprehend the thought of such a thing. Sure he may have been upset thinking Harry had gotten back with Ellie, but that was far from despising his best mate. “Everything you said to me broke my heart more than when you left the first time.”

Harry had this empty stare and Louis wanted nothing more than to bring the shine back to his gorgeous green eyes.

“ And I was only at Sean’s because I had nowhere else to go and thought that he’d make me feel better. I was an idiot for thinking that going to his for a few days would do anything,” Louis wanted Harry to understand that he didn’t choose Sean over him, that this time there wasn't someone else. “When he kissed me I wanted it so badly to be you… but it wasn’t.”

He didn’t want to hurt Harry any more and surely didn’t want to tell him anything about what happened last night. Louis knows that would break his friend's heart even more and he can’t have that. Louis just wanted to forget everything that happened the night before, and it was better that way.

“ I can’t see myself with anyone else, and I understand if you don’t want it anymore.” Louis said woefully, at least this time he wasn’t crying. It pained him to say it. “But I-

“I still want to be with you, very much,” Harry crooned, Louis felt a hand on his waist and a little squeeze that followed. “Always have and always will.”

Heat started to inch up to Louis’ cheeks at that admittance, even after everything Harry still wanted him. Louis felt as if he didn’t deserve it, but he was happy. So fucking ecstatic that it turned out to be mutual between them because this was a rarity, especially reading all those stories regarding friends with benefits. That it was a risky move because you could catch feelings that wouldn't be returned. In a way, Louis was glad that Harry kissed him that night when he was sad over Sean moving on or else who knows where they’d be at. Would he have fallen for Harry over time? Or would he be dating again? Single?

Louis wondered if Harry would’ve had the courage to tell him how he felt.

“This may not be extravagant or me asking for your hand in marriage, but I wanna know... if you’d like to go to dinner with me?” Harry asked, his eyes brimming with warmth and hope. Like he spent his whole life waiting for this moment.

Louis flicked his eyes to the ground, trying to bite back the grin wanting burst through before he snapped his gaze back up to Harry and uttered, “How could I say no to that?”

Harry slid his tongue across his nether lip, and Louis felt as if the space between them suddenly gotten smaller. The hand on him still there and Louis loved it so much. He adored Harry and everything about him, and was looking forward to tonight.

Louis was in heaven.

“I promise it won’t be the worst date of your life.” Harry teased, letting out a small chuckle. Louis wanted to melt into a pile of goo, he missed his laugh. 

Louis’ heart was already shaking with anticipation for what's to come later. Where they would have a nice meal and maybe a drink or two. Talking about things and testing the waters. Louis was excited, and he hadn’t ever thought he’d been this ecstatic about a date before.

“I’m sure you’ll pass the test, Harold. No worries.” Louis reassured, reaching up to tuck some of the frazzled curls behind his friend’s ear. “I’m easy to please.”

“So if I take you hiking to go see the stars for an overnight camping trip then you won’t complain?”

“Eh-”

Harry shook his head, even more laughter falls from his lips before he pressed a gentle kiss to Louis’ forehead. “ I’m only teasing, Lou.”

“I knew that.” Louis breathed out, feeling happy and actually in a good mood. They still needed to talk about things, and Louis wanted to know more. Everything and all the moment Harry longed for him the most. They have all day to do so, and Louis intended to get it all out in the open before dinner.

Harry staring at him openly for a moment, he looked to be thinking before he said, “ I think I’m gonna hit the showers, Lou. I stink.”

“Can I come to?” Louis wanted to be in their small shower with him. Body to body. Hands everywhere and lips on his skin. Louis wanted nothing more than to feel close to Harry in this moment. Sex or no sex, Louis needed him. Ached to feel that intimacy between them now there weren’t no restrictions or worries he’d be pushed away afterward. Louis just wanted to be near the boy he loved.

He had hoped Harry would want that too.

Harry’s face breaks into a grin and Louis felt another pulse of pressure against his side. It warmed him up inside at the affirming gesture. Glad that he could have this after all this time. It would be _there_ time.

When Harry’s hand fallen off his body Louis wanted nothing more than to have it back on him. No, both hands on him, holding him impossibly close, and embracing each other. Louis yearned to have that so much at this moment as its been far too long and now it’d be more intimate than before. More meaning behind it all instead of a lingering hug in the car park.

“Come on, babe,” Harry cooed, already veering off towards the loo, and Louis didn’t waste a second as he followed behind him. Locking the door the door behind him.

The last time they had been in buff together was back at the hotel and filled with lust. Not taking the time to appreciate each other's naked bodies as it’d been years. No searing yet soft kisses pressed along Louis’ skin or words of endearment that eventually turned into filth. It was the heat of the moment.

But now as Louis slipped off his pants down his legs as Harry already naked and indulging himself under the showerhead. Louis was going to enjoy this, take in everything because he finally could without feeling like he was exposing too much. Now he could stare Harry in the eyes and tell him that he thinks his body was picturesque. Love every dip and curve of his hard and firm muscles, from his strong thighs to carved biceps, relish him in compliments. Kiss every bit of his skin and tell him how beautiful he was to Louis.

Worship everything about Harry because he could.

And he wanted Harry to know everything.

The water was warm as splashed onto Louis skin as he stepped into the eensy shower, in front of Harry because that was the only space for him. Okay, so maybe Harry moved away from the jets so Louis could soak under the warmth and that was sweet of him. It was compacted for sure, and Louis could feel the weight of Harry’s body pressed into him from behind. It was marvelous, and the tender palm that slid onto the center of his belly had Louis’ heart fluttering and sweet pair of lips pressed against his shoulder. Louis preened under the attention. Leaning back into him, not to arouse his mate, but to feel even closer to him in a way. Louis wanted nothing more than to make up for lost time.

To give and take all the affection in the world with this beautiful boy.

“I missed you, so much,” Harry crooned, his warm breath fanned along Louis’ ear. He felt another gentle peck against his skin. “I thought I had lost you.”

“Me too.” Louis whispered, knowing Harry couldn’t hear him over the water pressure. But he’s sure Harry already knew that.

They stay like that for some time, not cleaning their scalps or washing away at their bodies. Just standing there enjoying the moment of intimacy.

But at some point, Louis did turn to face Harry and wanted to melt against him. He’s gotten hands on his hips, and the body in front of him still close. Louis rested a hand on Harry’s bicep and the other on his cheek. Cradling it. Harry had this shadow of a smile on his lips. His skin glistening from the water and his hair slicked. He looked beautiful to Louis and maybe… just maybe he couldn’t help himself when he leaned up and captured Harry’s lips with his own.

Sighing into gentleness of the kiss as Harry reciprocated easily. Light and tender, moving their lips languidly like they wanted this to last a lifetime. It was wonderful.

It’s still pretty fucking surreal that this was even happening.

Louis coaxed his tongue into Harry's mouth, eager for a little more intimacy, and not wanting to stop. Snog until the water runs cold and then continue where they left off in bed Their lips on each other and nothing on their bodies, just them. Louis wanted nothing more.

And to be honest, this was new to them. The way they moved their mouths so leisurely without rushing to undress or hands everywhere. It was just them appreciating and lavishing in the moment, indulging in each other. Louis' heart was hammering in his chest because he loved this boy so much.

He felt one of the hands on his hip slid over the curve of his arse. Not moving or giving Louis a little grope. Just resting there as they painted each other's mouths.

When they had their _special relationship_ they never took the time to savour anything. Their kisses were dirty and rough, hands fondling below the belt even before the searing kisses would start. Even when they made love, it was never something they took their time with. Not even with the fourplay. It was hot and animalistic, sex sometimes twice over wherever deemed fit in their flat. It wasn’t passionate or romantic, it had meant nothing. Just two guys with a mutual agreement of trying to get each other off.

And Louis will admit, it was sexy then. Hot and steamy because nothing they ever did was disappointing. Harry knew what he was doing and could make Louis feel all sorts of things that he had never before.

Harry brought back the confidence Louis had lost.

Louis whined into the kiss, already starting to feel a little needy as he gives his mates arm a squeeze. Leaning into Harry as much as he could, shivering when he feels the weight of his friend's other palms slide down to his bum. All of himself in Harry’s hands and god, he _loved_ it.

He loved the way his insides were starting to grow fluttery and feverish. How Harry gently nipped and dragged his teeth along his bottom lip. When he felt a shudder run down his spine when Harry started to kiss him again and deeping it when he gave Louis a gentle stroke of his tongue on his. The fingers on his skin squeezed, firm and probably aching for more. Louis shivered at the thought.

The kiss broke once more, and Louis stared at Harry when he drops the hand from his cheek to his wet chest. Caressed his fingers against his firm muscle and knew that Harry could see the desire in his eyes. The want and need for him.

Harry crowds Louis’ space once again, his breath hot against Louis’ ear as he purred out, “You have no idea the things you do to me, baby.”

Louis gasped, his eyes fallen shut when he felt lips touching his neck, nibbling and sucking. A trail of burning open mouth kisses somewhere between those. Louis’ body was starting to react, Pleasure aching through his body and growing sensitive all over. Jolting more into his friend's body and his fingers scratched at Harry’s chest at the brief stinging pleasurable pain against his neck. Moaning at the feeling and thought of wearing a badge of Harry’s love on his skin.

“Fuck.” Louis whimpered out, the hand he had on Harry’s arm slid up his shoulder to the back of his neck, and into his damp hair. Tugged at the wet curls when he felt another lovebite color his skin and the way Harry gently kissed at it.

“You’ve always had me wrapped around your finger,” Harry groaned into Louis’ ear once again. Louis mewled at the way his arse was squeezed following those words, he was aching for more. Yet, Harry wasn’t finished. “Always got off to the thought of you, no one else.”

Louis’ body was in flames, to know Harry had fantasized about him even when he shouldn’t have had his heart speed up dangerously. Thinking back to that time he oogled at his mate from the landing outside his bedroom and watched the way he pleasured himself had Louis’ body flooding with pleasure aches. Harry had been thinking of him. It’s always been him.

_Fuck._

“You’ve gotten me in trouble… a lot,” Harry whispered, and Louis throbbed at that. He was about to open his mouth when Harry continued on with his tantalizing words. “No matter how hard I tried to stop, I couldn’t.”

Louis' knees were about to give out at this confession, he was hazy and shaky. Dying for something, _anything_ at this moment for more.

“Everything about you is so fucking sexy.” Harry groaned out, giving Louis’ ass another desperate squeeze.

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he was harder than a rock. Throbbing against his mate's body waiting for attention. Whimpering to slip the hand on Harry’s chest between their bodies to grab ahold of his friend's dick. In need of something at this point because it was starting to become far too much for him to bear without any sort of pleasurable friction. Lips and fingers in places they haven't been in ages and kiss marks littered along each other skin.

As tough as it was to pull back from Harry’s embrace to the point his back his body hit the cold tile wall, he was gagging for this. The way Harry was staring at him suggestively was enough for Louis to sink down to his knees, careful not to slip. Resting a hand on Harry’s glistening thigh, his eyes on his love.

“ You’re not the only one, you know,” Louis started to say as his other hand wrapped around Harry’s thick cock. Whimpering at the way his mates face contorts every so slightly when he gives him a little squeeze. Louis wanted to make him feel good. “Thought of you too, many times.”

Louis could see Harry swallow hard at that, smirking at how much he could affect the beautiful boy towering over him. It made him feel good and eager to please, show him what he’d been missing. That he no longer had to play out an erotic fantasy in his head to have a part of Louis, that he was right here. That he wasn’t going anywhere.

“You and your big cock,” Louis tried to sound as seducing and filthy as possible in this moment, he wanted to stroke his friend ego. To feel his dick pulse in his hand, aching for Louis to get on with it. He needed Harry to know how badly he’s wanted it all along. “Doing things to me…”

Harry's eyes fluttered closed and he tilted his head back, from where Louis was at he could see him silently mouth out a profanity. Louis dug his fingertips into his leg when his own hard-on throbbed at the sight before him. Not wasting any more time and pressed a kiss to the underside of his cock before he wrapped his lips around him.

It’s been forever and a day since Louis had properly given head. To have all of Harry in his mouth until his nose brushed against his belly. Using his hands and lips to make him feel good. Moving his tongue in ways that he knew felt wonderful, taking it slow and sometimes fast to be a tease. To watch the way Harry would come undone whenever he was on him long enough and his fingers caressed along his balls. Giving an ever so gentle squeeze to add more to the feeling.

“Lou… shit.” Harry groaned out, he’s gotten a hand in Louis’ wet strands. The water was already starting to run cold against Louis’ body. But he didn’t care, he wanted to finish this.

Louis moaned around the width when Harry briefly thrusted into his mouth, nearly gagging at the feeling, and yet steadied himself when he beared down his mates hips against the shower wall. His other hand slowly pumping away as he bobbed his head along, pressing his tongue up against it. Doing what he thought about felt best.

The sounds leaving Harry’s mouth were music to Louis’ ear. Intoxicating and sinful. Louis wanted him even more in this moment. Wanted to taste him on his tongue and then some.

Louis’ loved every moment of this even if his own pulsing hard-on was ignored. His knees starting to get sore and he was freezing under the stream of water. Yet, his inside were still sizzling with desire, aching to finish.

It took a few more strokes and swallowing around his mate when he hears that delicious mewl left his lips. The warm bitterness spurting in his mouth and Harry fingers taut in his hair. He swallowed when he pulled off of his mate's cock. His throat was going to be sore in the morning.

And that was okay.

Harry snapped his eyes open and peered down at Louis, he looked so fucking wrecked and spent. Yet still had hints of lust sparking in them. It made Louis shiver and stroke at his mates cock a little. Wanting to keep him hard as he was, not wanting to end this so soon. Louis was still aroused as ever and needing more of him.

“Get up here,” Harry husked out, untangling his fingers from Louis’ hair.

Louis licked his lips and carefully got off his knees, they hurt, and he used Harry’s slippery body to hold on. The corners of his lips sliding upward at the hands on him, helping him steady his ground and pulling him close. Lips back on his and shivering at the coolness of Harry’s skin.

They snogged a little longer until Harry pulled away and reached around Louis. The water was cut off, and the next thing Louis knew was Harry was stepping out of the shower, grabbing Louis by the hand and leading him out into the chilly bathroom gingerly. Not even giving Louis a chance to grab a warm towel to wrap around his body to shield himself from the chill when all of a sudden he was picked up bridal style, Louis instantly wrapped his arms around his friend's neck, and as Harry walked out of the loo in haste.

They had gone into Harry’s room, dropped onto the bed, still wet and dripping all over. Yet, he’s got Harry between his legs, on top of him, nipping at his neck. Louis whined and squirmed at the feeling, already feeling extra sensitive to the touch. His hands everywhere along Harry’s body, just wanting to feel him still because he could.

“I wanna show you how much I love you,” Harry whispered in between his kisses, their hips snug rolled together. “How I should've done it all along.”

Louis’ heart swells at those sweet words, to know Harry wanted to express to him with his body how much he cared. With his kisses and touches. Not flat out meaningless sex, but to actually make love to him. Louis was already shaking in anticipation.

“Go ahead.” Louis needed it. _Wanted_ it and _craved_ it all very much.

A small noise fell from Louis’ lips at the gentle press of lips against the side of his throat and hated it when the body on him was gone. Beside him digging through the nightstand beside the bed. It wasn’t long before he was back between Louis’ legs and a small bottle sat beside them. Louis’ flushed cock throbbed against belly at he knew what was coming next.

“It’s my turn to make you feel good, baby.” Harry cooed out, Louis felt warm palms on the underside of his thigh pushed them up, so he was slightly lifted. Harry went down between his legs, most of his face gone, and the hands holding him slid down a little more. Holding him in place.

Louis’ back arched up when he felt Harry’s tongue slide against his hole. His fingers tangled into the sheets at the feeling, toes curling, and nearly losing his breath. It had been far too long since he’d gotten to experience this and he never forgot how incredible it felt. How he could go so docile against his tongue and be in fits of velvety moans. Desperate for more and shaking out of pleasure. Louis had always been so spent afterwards and just in a haze. Content and satisfied.

And you know what? He always felt that for them this was as intimate as it gets. Besides the cuddling and the kissing when they were just friends with benefits. This was much more than purse sex. Louis trusted Harry a lot and couldn’t imagine doing this with someone else.

“You’re amazing” Louis whimpered out, tilting his head back into the plush mattress when Harry dips his tongue and works it in the right way. One of his legs had spasmed, and the hands on him slid up his under-thigh slowly, sending a series of shivers down his spine.

Louis’ heart was pounding in his chest when he felt the touch of one his mates hands disappear. Hearing the sound of a cap flip pen, Louis could already feel himself starting to tremble with anticipation.

Nearly whining at the loss of the delightful tongue against him, his eyes snapped open, gnawed on his lips when he watched the way Harry lubed his fingers.

He sent Louis a fond smile before he slid his fingers over Louis’ already sensitive hole teasingly. Louis groaned when he felt himself start to stretch and the fingers starting to work inside him.

“I love you,” Harry cooed out, his fingers working slowly inside of Louis, already discovering that sweet spot. His pressure firm and yet slow against it, making Louis even more hot. His eyes were sparkling with desire. “Love you so much.”

Louis’ heart swelled, every time he heard those sweet, lovely words he had yearned for, for so long it was euphoric. Even in his lustful haze of mind right now, he felt as if he finally had everything he wanted. Everything he longed to have and no longer wondering when the next blow to his chest would happen. To his feelings. It was marvelous.

Low whines fell from Louis’ lips as he started to dissolve in pleasure, the way Harry could make him feel was divine. The way he worked his fingers and that tongue… god, that tongue was sinful. He wanted it back on him and yet, here Harry was knuckle deep in him and staring down at Louis with glowing cheeks. His hair still slightly damp, messy, and Louis wanted nothing more than to sift his fingers through those wet locks. Yet, all he could do was fist at the sheets when burning trails start to shoot up his legs to his groin when Harry fingered him, even more firmer.

Eventually Louis felt the loss of the fingers and he was aching all over. His eyes on Harry who poured more lube onto his palm and Louis couldn’t take it. Watching him stroke his cock had Louis’ toes curling at the delicious sight.

“Like what you see?” Harry teasingly asked, sending Louis a wink as he pumped his hand.

Louis smirked, ripping his gaze away from what he wanted and up to those heavenly green eyes. “What do you think?”

Harry just beamed until his face contorted in ecstasy for a moment as he continued to wank himself off. Making this harder for Louis to just lay here and watch. The longer he just stared the more impatient he became, the more his cock started to become painfully hard. Twitching against his belly and oozing. He didn’t even want to touch himself knowing that if he did, he’d probably come right then and there.

And Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he sat up just enough to grab his mate by the shoulder and pulled him down swiftly, flipping them over, so he was straddling Harry. Not sitting on him, but hovering a little. Harry just let him do it, biting at his nether lip, and there was a warm palm resting on his thigh.

“So eager, baby.” Harry cooed out as Louis reached behind him and grabbed ahold of his friend's hard-on, adjusting himself until he felt the pressure of the tip against his rim.

“You were making it difficult for me.” Louis let out this breathy whimper when he sunk down on Harry’s cock. Splaying both of his hand into the bedding on either side of him as he was hovering above his friend. Taking a moment to recollect himself before he even dared to move.

The hand that rubbed at his thigh was tender and sweet, it made Louis pulse start to race even more.

After sometime of just sitting there adoring the sweet attention he was getting, Louis started to move his hips. Not fast or hard, slow and steady. Taking his time with it and moving them in the way he knew that Harry liked. Loving it when he felt another hand on him, yet this time it was on his hip.

Louis let our these soft sounds as he rolled his hips, every time he pushed back onto Harry’s thick cock the more it started to feel good. Hitting that sweet spot in right way had Louis’ arms already starting to shake, wanting to collapse from the growing overwhelming sensation.

“You feel amazing.” Harry groaned out, his fingertips pressing into Louis skin.

The bed already started to make noise, and Louis was already shaking. Nothing but breathy moans and whimpers came out of him as his fingernails began to claw at the hard and firm chest beneath him. Almost aching to reach for his own cock that was begging for attention, but too afraid he’d lose his balance. Worried he’d ruin the moment.

And as Louis worked his body in a way that he knew drove Harry mad, the air around them felt hot. His body was on fire, and his mind was focused on how wonderful it felt to feel so filled. To have this beautiful boy beneath him, that loved Louis probably more than he could ever know. The gentle yet possessive hands on him were intoxicating and the throaty moans coming from those sinful yet so kissable lips beneath him was just everything. A dream come true.

A warm palm that was once on his thigh slid to his bum, giving Louis a little squeeze. It was enough for Louis’ arms to give out, Falling flat on Harry’s chest and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. Nearly melting against his friend when he feels another hand on his arse, pressing a sweet kiss to Harry's neck. Clenching around him when Harry let out a titter of laughter. Tangling his fingers through his mate's sweaty locks, loving the way his own dick rubbed against their bellies. Louis knew eventually he wouldn't be able to last much longer, even at this languid pace.

When he pushed down a certain way made his leg want to quiver. Already feeling breathless and on the verge of convulsing as surges of ecstasy ran through him. He was throbbing against Harry as clawed and tugged at his hair.

It was when Harry decided to thrust up into Louis, not fast or hard, but the same pace. He had all of Louis in his hands as he peppered kisses along his shoulder. A love bite here and there.

“Oh fuck.” Louis moaned into his mate's neck. His body twitched as he came, curling his toes when Harry kept pummeling up into him, trembles just coursed through him as he relaxed against his friend. Trying to come down as he feels Harry’s body go into spasms, groaning, and pulsing inside him.

They lay there for a moment trying to catch their breaths, Louis felt wonderful. His heart still thundering in his chest, nuzzling his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. Wanting to soak in the post-sex haze before he had to move. Not wanting to let go or pull off him, just needing to feel close. Wanting to stay here for a while. Not even minding the mess they’ve made or the fact they never actually showered, not giving a damn at all.

At some point Louis did untangle his fingers from Harry’s hair and rested his hand against his mate's shoulder. His skin was warm and tacky. Velvety smooth and Louis couldn’t believe that he got to feel him again. To have Harry again in such a way because he thought for sure that he’d never get to experience such intimate moments with him again.

When Louis pulled back enough to stare down at Harry fondly, the coolness of the air that brushed against his skin felt nice against his sweltering body. Heat rising to his cheeks when one of Harry’s hands came up and cradled his cheek, sliding his thumb along his skin tenderly.

“You have no idea how stunning you are,” Harry cooed out, his touch still delicate as ever, and his eyes were soft. A ghost of a smile on his lips and Louis heart was already swelling in his chest. “Always been jealous of all the boys that got kiss you and be on the end of your smiles. That got to hold you and make you laugh. _Always_.”

Louis felt the corners of his lips start to slide upward at those loving words. To hear these sweet things from Harry had Louis' eyes start to water, he doesn’t think he could ever grow tired of hearing these sweet admissions.

“You know… I’ve wanted to tell you in the past how I felt, but I chickened out, “ Harry explained as Louis felt a gentle squeeze against his bum. “Afraid you’d laugh at me thinking it was some joke or I’d scare you off.”

Louis didn’t say a word, just let his mate speak, nearly pouting when the hand on his cheek fell off his face and Harry pulling out of him. But loving the way he suddenly felt the weight of a warm palm on his waist. Just happy that they were still touching.

“When?” Louis asked, wanting to know when there were times where he almost admitted his feelings.

Harry stared at him for a moment, looked to be thinking before he said, “That first night we moved into our flat after Niall passed out.”

Louis remembered they had been in Harry’s room lounging on his bed as Niall was already in a booze-induced coma on the sofa. Not wanting to wake him with their shenanigans and drunkenness. They didn’t do anything extravagant, but mostly just jabbered away about how exciting the new chapter of their life was and what was to come. He remembers at some point Harry had caressed at his wrist and told Louis that _No matter what happens I’ll always be here for you_. At the time Louis just thought it was something Harry said because he was supposed to because that what best mates are supposed to do. Never crossed his mind at other implications behind his words.

“You were nervous about starting uni and being away from your family. I tried my best to reassure you it’d be okay,” Harry explained, as Louis moved to sit up because his arms were growing tired. Loving it when Harry rested a hand on his thigh. “You were also single and saying how it’d be nice to have someone to support you. To talk with and make it easier for you to be here.”

Louis remembers feeling a little bit scared at being away from his mum, not having her to fall back on when things got tough. For her help and advice, being hours away when back home he could see her whenever she wasn't at work or out visiting with Anne. Telling Harry that he may be a year older than him and Niall, that by default he should be the leader. The one to reassure them all it’ll be fine. Yet… Harry was always the one to look out for them.

“I wanted to be that person for you. Wanted to tell you so badly how I felt that night, to kiss you and hold you. Tell you that I’ve got you no matter what happens,” Harry was truly the greatest man he’d ever known and Louis wished he would’ve realized it back then. “But I freaked out, worried I’d make things weird and scare you away.”

Would Louis had been freaked out if Harry confessed his love to him?

At the time it was platonic for Louis and hadn’t thought anything of it. Thought Harry would find himself a girlfriend or boyfriend while Louis dated too, going on double dates together. Being the best man in each other’s weddings as life goes on and staying in each others lives just like their mothers had done. If they had families of their own one day that their kids would be lifelong mates too.

Yet… Louis thinks that maybe if Harry would’ve made a move on him that night, he wouldn’t have rejected him. Naturally, he would’ve been stunned like any other pair lifelong mates where you just found out your best friend had fancied you for years. That they think the world of you and would do anything for you.

Louis probably would’ve tested the waters and kissed him. To taste what it’d be like and if he felt anything at all.

“I wouldn’t have run for the hills if you did,” Louis murmured out, starting to feel rather chilly, so he reluctantly pulled off of Harry. Dipping down into the spot beside him in need of some warmth. Not only that, but a cuddle sounded wonderful. “Would’ve ended up falling for you no matter what.”

Harry had this yearningness etched across his features, strong eyes, and staring at Louis. Eventually leaning over and pressing his lips against Louis’ forehead before he got off the bed and went to his wardrobe. Louis watched the way his back muscles would ripple and stretch as he opened the doors and his eyes trailed down to that beautifully carved bum. Not having too much time to appreciate such a beddable backside when Harry turned on his heels with a blanket in his arms as he headed back to bed.

Louis loved it when came back and covered up their bottom half with that black fuzzy blanket he had for the colder months. They never did clean up their messes, but that was okay… It wouldn’t be the first time they had dried come on their skin. Louis was nestled against his friend, hand on the center of his belly, and head rested on his arm comfortably. Content and relaxed.

They lay there in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company and the caresses of their gentle fingers. The sweet kisses against their skin and the quietness in the air surrounding them. It was peaceful.

However, Louis needed some more things brought to light if they’re going to be doing any more of _this_. Wanted Harry to open up to him on some issues in the past that really bothered Louis. Answers he’d never gotten because they were sore spots he wanted nothing to do with and yet, now that they’re okay. Everything had been out in the open, well most of it, and Louis didn’t want to leave anything left unsaid.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about Ellie?” It was the very first thing that came to Louis’ mind that he needed to know. It hurt him the most, and he never understood why it had happened in the first place.

Harry shifted in Louis' arms, moving to his side to prop himself on his elbow facing him, a hand rested on Louis’ waist. They were still close together, and Louis could almost feel Harry’s warm breath fan along the bottom of his lips.

“That was foolish of me, wasn't it?” Harry sighed, giving Louis a little bit of a squeeze. “I guess I was just too stubborn to let you go.”

“Everyone else knew about her, but me, H,” Louis explained, not loving to think about that night whatsoever. “It hurt me that you didn’t say anything about seeing anyone at all and then to show up out of the blue with a girlfriend. You wouldn't even look at me.”

The corners of Harry's lips slid downward, his eyes were shining with guilt. Louis didn’t mean to make his mate feel bad or remorseful, he just wanted answers. Ones that he deserved.

“The only reason I got with Ellie was because I needed to get over you. We were sleeping together a lot and had been for a year. I loved every moment of it and being able to kiss you every night was the best thing that had ever happened to me. But I started to get scared those last few months that you’d find someone and leave. That you’d only want to be mates, never anything more. So I panicked and started chatting up Ellie.

“This makes me sound terrible for making her out to be a rebound, but it’s the truth. I didn’t even ask her to be my girlfriend until the day before you met her. “ Harry explained, he sounded sincere. But he wasn’t finished. “And you know the reason I didn’t tell you was because a part of me didn’t want to leave you. I was worried you’d be mad or disappointed, that you still needed me. That you were still hurting over Sean. But I couldn’t keep doing it to myself. I wish I would’ve done it differently and just told you how I felt. Maybe then we would have avoided all this mess.”

Louis felt better knowing the reasons behind that awful time in his life. He understood that Harry had to do what was best for him and his feelings. He too wishes they would’ve just had a heart to heart and put it all out there. Wished that himself would’ve just told Harry.

“That’s why I left for a while… not because I was homesick.” Louis admitted. He had went ghost for a week after that dreadful night, telling his mates a lie that was believable enough. “I couldn’t be around her knowing she had everything I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry crooned, the hand on Louis' waist ghosted up his arm until it cupped the side of his face. “I never meant to make you sad.”

Louis relaxed against his friend's touch, loving it when he started to feel the pad of Harry’s thumb start to stroke his cheek. It was tender and attentive.

“And what about when you were going to move out to be with her?” Louis asked, this was another thing he needed a better understanding of. “Niall told me before you did and I was hurt that you didn’t tell me until later. Thought we always told each other everything… always the first to know before anyone else. At least that’s what I thought.”

Harry gnawed on his lip, no longer caressing at Louis skin and dropped his hand between them. Louis felt heat slowly inch to his cheeks when he felt a hand on his.

“I thought we were growing apart.”

“Suppose I’ve been a terrible mate haven’t I?” Harry asked with a hint of playfulness laced in there.

“I wouldn’t say you were awful… rather negligent than anything. But you’ve compensated for that since.” Louis was glad that they could openly talk about this. Bringing things to light that should’ve been ages ago. “But you know, I haven’t been good either.”

“Don’t say that, Lou,” Harry reprimanded lightly, the hand that was on Louis’ no longer there as it came up and pushed his fringe back that fallen out of his eyes. “I should’ve never dated Ellie in the first place. I only wanted to move out because I thought it’d help me move on and my relationship at the time wasn’t doing so well, so I thought if I left she’d be happy.”

Wait, what?

Ellie was unhappy in their relationship? That was a first.

“She hated me,” Louis still couldn’t stand that girl whatsoever. Just a nasty woman that thinks she could get away with her degrading words. It still boggled Louis’ mind to this day that Harry had never once picked up on her behaviour toward him. At all. “Wanted me out of your life.”

Harry sighed heavily, and Louis loved the weight of the hand that was back on his waist. Giving him a little squeeze as if he was reassuring Louis or at least soothing him. It was nice.

“We’d gotten into a few fights over you, “ Harry admitted, and Louis blinked at him because _what?_ “Always threw it my face that I put you before her, and that we spent too much time together. She even accused me of giving you a little more attention than her.”

Louis was still flabbergasted at this revelation because never had he thought Harry and Ellie would get into an argument because of him.

And Louis can't help himself... He really can’t. This had been bugging him since that night he ran into Ellie storming down the corridor, blaming him for whatever it was that happened. Never had his chance to ask, but now seemed like a good time to bring it up.

“You know on Valentine's day when I came back to the flat after Sean dropped me off, I ran into her in the hall. She looked so angry,” Louis was just that he had gotten to spend some time with Harry that night even if it was bittersweet. “Saying it was all my fault and left.”

Harry’s mouth twisted up into a wry smile as he rolled his. Seemingly not too impressed or shocked by Ellie’s outburst.

“It was more my fault than anything, and every time we’d argue or disagreed she’d throw it in my face. Even when I wanted to spend some time with you,” Harry didn’t sound too pleased saying all that. “I mean I get it… who’d want to hear their boyfriend say another persons name when intimate.”

Louis saw the way a flush crept across Harry’s cheeks at that. Feeling him own self heat up at the fact Harry had done such a thing, no wonder Ellie made matters even worse. Harry _literally_ moaned or groaned out Louis’ name in the heat of passion. It was one thing that Harry felt a certain way toward Louis but to go through _that_ and on Valentine’s day?

It all made sense now of who that text was about that Ellie had sent Harry.

“You didn’t?”

Harry shamelessly nodded, and Louis just snickered a little, sure he should feel bad, but after everything, it was just rather ridiculous.

“Were you thinking of me by chance, Harold?” Louis decided to question his own hand that was between their bodies now caressed his fingers along the naked chest in front of him. Wanting to feel a little closer to his mate even as small as it was.

“Well, duh.” Harry quipped, letting out a soft sound against Louis’ touch. “When am I not thinking about you?”

Louis’ heart warmed at those sweet words, still dumbfounded after everything that happened all in the span of the early morning hours. Yet, he was happy that he was here and getting to have this, to be near the boy he loved so much. To not be scared or put up his walls around Harry. Sure, they have loads to work on, and things aren't going to happen overnight, yet, he was willing to do whatever it took

And even if that meant taking days or months to make everything okay, then that’s all Louis could ask for.

They spent the rest of the day pretty much in bed, mostly cuddling. Kissing here and there, falling in and out of sleep because neither of them had slept good in days. Mumbling out _I love you’s_ and Harry asking Louis where he wanted to go for dinner. Eventually getting a text from Niall asking if Harry was up for a road trip to Doncaster to steal Louis away for the night, as apparently Zayn and Liam wanted a lad’s night out. Harry ended up texting him that Louis was with him and they could go for drinks later. Louis just sat there nuzzled up to his best friend, both still naked under the covers, watching as a series of excited messages flood into Harry’s inbox in a matter of seconds.

But even after staying in bed for majority of the day they did end up making it back to the shower. Rinsing away the morning activities and enjoying the warmth. Each other.

It wasn’t until later when they found themselves at a small cafe on the outskirts of the city, one that Harry had brought him to before. It wasn’t anything highfalutin or luxurious. Outrageously expensive or top of the line gourmet food. No amount of money could make or break this dinner with Harry.

Just sitting here at a table, watching the rain start to patter against the window pane was more than he could ever ask for.

And when Harry’s hand slid across the table and laced their fingers together Louis’ stomach fluttered. Even when Harry brought Louis’ hand to his lips and gently pressed a featherlight kiss against his knuckles. Louis was in heaven.

Who knew Harry could be such a sap?

Ugh, Louis could already feel himself starting to feel spoiled with affection and admiration. At least this time it was with a boy he genuinely wanted to be with.

“You know we’re doing this backwards, right?” Louis teased, noticing the warm glow in Harry’s eyes as he peered at him after looking away from the menu. “I don’t usually put out on the first date.”

Harry tittered with laughter, shaking his head, his hand still holding Louis’. “I think we are well past getting to know one another, Lou.”

“Isn’t this what first dates are supposed to be about, though?” Louis smirked, satisfied that he managed to make his mate giggle. He could never get tired of that. “Trying to woo me and lie about your job.”

Harry just beamed at Louis, shaking his head. His eyes fell back down to the menu in front of him, and Louis hummed in delight. Returning back to deciding what to eat as his heart fluttered when he felt the pad of Harry’s thumb slide against his hand.

After their waiter came and took their orders they had gone in and out of conversation. Mostly on about what Louis had been doing while he was away. Informing Harry that he’d been home, spending time with the girls and Jay. A lot of time spent on his computer and eventually making his way back up to that rickety old tree house he hadn’t been in ages. Mentioning Gemma had popped in for a visit unannounced to drag him back to Liverpool for the night.

Harry had admitted that Gemma had been worried and upset that Louis had been missing. Not loving the fact she didn’t have her favorite person there to banter with and noticed the flat was too quiet. It wasn’t the same. Not only that but he thinks Gemma knew that he missed Louis a lot and decided to do what an older sister should do. Fix things.

“She wouldn’t buzz off until I told her I’d come, “ Louis told Harry, popping a chip into his mouth. “But ‘m glad she pestered me into going or else I don’t know when I would’ve come back. “

“I didn’t know she was going to get you, thought she got wrapped up in something. If I would’ve known I would’ve gone with her. Maybe this all could’ve been done a whole lot easier.” Harry divulged, taking a sip of water. “But then again… after what Ellie showed me and the fact you had been ignoring me, I felt as if I needed to give you space. That you’d eventually come around and talk to me when you're ready. “

Louis doesn't think he would’ve ever been ready to face Harry if Gemma didn’t have her hands in it.

“But at the party and how you stormed out after the lads wanted us to have a night out, you got defensive and said you were going home. I was worried you were going to leave again before I got to say goodbye. Unsure when you’d be back, so I thought it was now or never and I may not get the chance again.”

Louis gnawed on his nether lip, his ears still felt hot at the thought of Harry knowing about his Tumblr blog. Which he hadn’t been on since that reveal, almost deleted it actually.

But the thing is, Louis still hadn’t even responded to all his texts and _Facebook_ messages.

“I never thought she’d go to those lengths and expose me like that, she was never meant to see it,” Louis explained, taking a sip of his own water. “Somehow she found me and pretty much attempted to blackmail me because of it. None of it was ever meant to be shared.” It still bothered Louis greatly that he couldn’t even feel comfortable on his own damn blog anymore. “Wouldn’t be shocked if all the lads knew by now.”

“They don’t. I didn’t tell them,” Harry said simply, taking a bite of his fish. Wiping his mouth with the napkin he grabbed and added, “Wanted to protect you and keep this between us.”

The corners of Louis' lips started to quirk upward at that. Harry was just too good to be true, even when Louis had outright ignored him for days, Harry still looked out for him.

“But you know I don’t care if you have a blog or a journal to express yourself. That’s your space to do as you like, and I’ll never pressure you to share that with me. I won’t even go looking for it because it’s for your eyes only.” Harry stressed, it made Louis feel good to know that Harry didn’t snoop around on Tumblr searching for his blog. Reading even more incriminating things. “And I’ll have you know I already threw out all those papers Ellie gave me because it wasn’t right. “

Louis yearnfully stared at his mate, wondering how he got so damn lucky to have someone that actually cared. That had from the start and never had malicious intentions to hurt him. Always there for him even if that meant giving Louis space for a while.

This boy was going to make Louis fall even more.

And you know what?

He’s not even scared if it happens. 

When they had finished their meals they still lingered around their small table, mostly wanting to buy a little more time before they head on down to the pub. Their fingers interlaced with one another as they sipped away at their drinks, Harry murmuring or more so cooing out sweet nothings. Mentioning something about a second date somewhere in the midst of all the adoring words.

Louis didn’t oppose to that, because he would be honored to go out with Harry again.

By the time they left the cafe a little while later after they chatted a little more and Harry pressed another delicate kiss against Louis’ knuckles, they headed off to the pub. Louis had been feeling a little anxious to see his mates now that things were all said and done. He truly did miss talking shit with them and having good times. He did feel a bit bad of how he reacted after Niall’s party so he looked forward to apologizing to them and hoped they wouldn’t give him hell for it. Not only that, but it’d feel incredible to just to sit down and have a pint with his closest friends.

It was long overdue.

The moment Louis stepped foot into the overcrowded pub, he felt elated. At home and eager to have a drink to unwind a little. To actually have a decent time even if he was a little bit nervous whatever they were about to walk into.

Because what will their mates say?

Like Louis knows they missed him and would be ecstatic to see him, but what will they think when they see the way Harry put his hands on Louis’ body a little more affectionate than normal sometime through the evening?

It’s bound to happen, especially with alcohol in their systems. Yet, Louis wasn't scared or terrified if his mates found out. In fact, he was quite curious to know what they would think and if they’d approve. Zayn probably already knew the moment Niall had told them Louis was with Harry. Thinking Louis finally had dropped the bombshell onto Harry after all that pestering he did with Louis these past few months to find things out. That boy was too smart for his own good sometimes.

But the one person Louis had hoped wouldn’t care was Niall. That he’d be fine with sharing a flat with two people that are your best mates who are _dating-testing the waters_ after all this time. They haven’t put a label onto what they were yet, but Louis had his fingers crossed Niall would be okay with it.

Louis could already feel his heart start to swell when he felt a light weight against the small of his back as Harry led him through the slew of intoxicated revelers. Successfully dodging any sort of spilt drinks on his clothes or bumping into people. Eventually finding their mates crowded around a table toward the back with a round of drinks.

They couldn't even wait to get pissed until Harry and Louis had arrived. Figures.

And Harry’s hand never left him as they approached the scene at hand. Zayn sat beside Liam, and they both looked like they were chit-chatting amongst one another, looking quite serious. Then there was Niall typing away at his mobile, his drink half gone, and two empty seats that were meant for them.

“Hey lads,” Louis decided to announce his return, beaming at his mates, feeling heat inch up to his cheeks when Liam, Zayn, and Niall’s heads shot up instantly, and their eyes were shining joy. “Miss me?”

He was expecting a playful retort or remark like: _, Of course, we missed you, you knobhead_. But it never comes, and they all seem rather speechless as Louis pops down into the chair closes to Niall and Harry in the one beside him. His arm instantly going around the back of the ledge of Louis’ chair, his fingers sliding against his arm ever so gently.

“Suppose my return got you all by surprise,” Louis decided to lighten the mood as he snickered, feeling at ease now. “See you already started to drink without us, pricks.”

Louis noticed the way Zayn and Liam shared a glance with one another and then with Niall before they were back on Louis. Their eyes shifting and Louis could feel it burning on the hand caressing him.

“Something wrong?” Harry inquired, pulling Louis a touch closer.

Zayn was the first to break the quietness lingering in the air, thank fuck.

“So I take it you two finally made up?”

Louis nodded. “Yeah this morning, actually,” Louis gave a passing glance to Harry, trying to stifle back a smile wanting to spread across his face. “We had a nice talk.”

And it fell silent once again, and it was kind of shocking how quiet it was. Normally his mate would be chatting his ear off, trying to fill Louis in on everything he missed. Asking him how he’d been and that they missed him even if they just saw him days ago. You know the usual hubbub whenever they had a lads night out whenever Louis had come back from a small holiday.

Liam cleared his throat before he said, “ So what's this about?” he gestured between the pair with his finger.

Louis could already start to feel heat coloring his cheeks knowing what Liam was trying to fish around for. Just the way him and Zayn stared at them with raised brows and unmoving Louis could tell.

“Oh for fuck sakes, Liam!” Niall cursed aloud letting out a huff. “Quit trying to play it safe the suspense is killing me over here,” Niall took a sip of his drink, and then he shifted in his seat and stared right at Louis. “Have you both finally gotten your head out of your arses and started dating or what?”

So they must’ve all known that _something_ happened, given how Harry was being with Louis since they arrived.

“No need to be so hostile Nialler,” Louis quipped, his own hand slipped under the table and found Harry’s thigh, resting it there because he could. “And yes we’ve discussed it if you must know and yeah, make of that what you will.”

Louis heart was already stuttering at the reveal, the thoughts of finally getting to be openly with Harry among their closest mates was everything. No more sneaking around or hiding that they were intimate or into one another. This time there will be no more secrets or lies.

“We’re still figuring things out, but as of right now we’re good.”

Liam and Zayn beamed at them, Niall too.

“We’re happy for you.” Zayn chimed in, he sounded sincere.

That they all had an inkling that Harry and Louis had a thing for one another and the whole reason Louis left was because of his own feelings. They wanted nothing but the best for them. It was reassuring.

“So now that, that’s all out there I’m gonna go grab me and Lou some drinks. ” Harry stated already pulling away from Louis and getting to his feet. Louis had already started to miss his touch, but he’d survive. It wouldn't be last time he'd ever get to feel Harry's hands on him.

After Harry disappeared into the crowd, Niall was already up out of his seat, and grabbed at Louis' hand. Not even giving Louis any time to protest as he was leading him away from the lovebirds and through the masses. Eventually making their way outside where it was much quieter and rather chilly. Desolate compared to inside and the streets just as vacant.

But Louis knew there was a reason he was dragged out here.

“I’m going to be honest with you right now Lou, I’ve been keeping this in for the past few years, and I just can’t hold it any longer,” Niall’s words were rushed, and he had both of his hands on Louis’ shoulders. “But I knew… I fucking _knew._ ”

Louis blinked.

Niall knew about what?

“I tried everything in my power to make you happy and get your mind off whenever something bad happened. I couldn't stand to see you so sad, and it was rough for me not to tell you that I knew you loved him,” Niall admitted, and Louis was once again bamboozled for the hundredth time today. “I mean I had a feeling you did, and I always did whatever I could without overstepping my bounds.”

So this whole time whenever Louis be hurting or upset, Niall swooped in to try to withdraw him from the situation. Not pressure Louis to admit things he didn't want to share and yet be there for him even if it were in the most subtle of ways.

It was heartwarming.

Eventually, Louis did find his voice and spoke up before Niall went on some more.

“How did you know?”

Niall’s hands slipped off his shoulders and arms slack at his sides, letting out a breath. “You’re one of my best mates, how could I not know?”

He did make a fair point, Louis would give him that.

“You know, you both were really terrible at hiding that you were hooking up, I pretty much knew the entire time,” Niall divulged, and Louis almost choked at that because he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Niall knew about them the _whole time_? And he had never confronted them about it? Add that to the long list of things that took Louis by surprise today. “But that was your guy’s thing, and I tried to keep at a distance. Not wanting to make things weird and just let you two do your thing. Never told anyone, either.”

Louis wondered if Liam and Zayn had ever picked up on it or anyone else.

“ I thought Harry had told you about Ellie and had decided to go back to being just mates. However, that night when we met her and you went outside with Harry, not even coming back in with him I had a feeling that wasn’t the case. I knew I should've went after you and made things a little bit better. I should’ve protected you.”

“That wasn’t your fault though, I needed a reality check that what we had was fleeting.” Louis didn’t want Niall to feel like shit because he felt as if he failed at being an overprotective mate. ”And besides you did what you thought was best. I’m a stubborn bastard that bottled up my feeling so you wouldn’t have gotten far.”

“Probably would’ve ripped me a new one if tried.” Niall said effervescently along with a chortle of laughter that followed. “But you know at the end of the day it’s none of my business if you two are dating or hooking up because you both will always be my best mates. Together or not.”

The corners of Louis' lips slid upward, and he murmured our, “Thanks, Nialler.”

Niall had brought his hand up and ruffled Louis’ hair, but Louis wasn't quick enough to swat his hand away. Niall smirked like a menace he was, and Louis just huffed, rearranging his fringe. Not appreciating the fact Niall thought it was okay to tousle his soft locks.

They gave each other long look at one another as some people filtered out of the pub, slurring and stumbling. Laughing boisterously about some guy named Chad all the while being aided down the pavement with their sober whatever they were.

Louis didn’t miss the old days when he’d get inebriated at some seedy house party or pub. Spending his night leaning over a toilet or hungover mornings But he always did like the part where Harry would be there by his side through those nights.

“But hopefully this means you’re not running for the hills for god knows how long because I can't take it any longer. “ Niall lightly chastised, and Louis shook his head. He didn’t plan on it anytime soon now that things seemed to have worked out.

And that glowing smile that spreads across his best mates face made Louis’ feel loved. He really did have the world’s greatest friends.

“Missed you too, Nialler.” Louis cooed out, already starting to feel the coolness of the autumn air settle around them. Almost wanting to scold himself for not bringing a jacket or wearing a warm and fuzzy jumper. 

He never got to whine about the chilliness when he saw Harry walk out of the pub, his face lighted up when he met with Louis' eyes. Louis could already feel himself start to smile when Niall looked over his shoulder and then took a step back.

“I’m gonna go see my boy now, sure he could use a little encouragement tending the bar tonight,” Niall commented when Harry joined them. “Cheers!”

And then Niall was gone, leaving Louis with Harry who's already up in his personal space, thumbing at Louis’ wrist.

“So that went much better than I thought, glad they’re not against it,” Harry’s voice was gentle and his face was soft. God, he was so damn beautiful Louis truly felt like the luckiest man alive. “Would’ve fought tooth and nail for you if I had too.”

Louis beamed up at his mate stepping a little closer as the gap between them disappeared. Wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and nestled his head against his shoulder. Pressing his face into his love when he felt a gentle press of a kiss on the side of his head. Loving the fact that Harry would do whatever it took to make this work. Even if that meant trying to change their friends' opinions about them or trivial matters. He’d never been with someone that would safeguard him no matter what it was. It was quite refreshing, honestly.

Then again, out of all the boys Louis had dated Harry was one of the good ones.

Louis was going to spend the rest of his days reassuring Harry that no matter what happened in the past or how they got to where they were today, he would always be the best thing that had ever happened to him.

And nothing would ever change that.

They may need some more time to ease themselves into a relationship, going on dates, and learning to be a little bit more vulnerable with each other.

Louis wasn’t going anywhere because for once he actually, truly felt that this may be it. That he finally found the one guy that would be everything he needed. The one person that would love him unconditionally and not take him for granted.

Harry was sweet, kind, dependant on him, and was always there for Louis. Sure they both made some bad decisions and had major miscommunication issues regarding their feelings. Yet, they got all the time in the world to make up for all that.

And you know what else?

It felt as if this had been the plan all along, that Harry would be the one for him.

He couldn't imagine it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left...
> 
> Hopefully that cleared some things up... wasn’t too disappointing :)
> 
> Also I did go back and fix Harry’s age because I realized the timeline for me didn’t add up for this story... so he’s technically 25 in this fic not 24! Just a minor thing!


	17. XVI

**Three months later**

_This time last year I was miserable. Thinking that I was stuck being in an endless cycle of the same old bullshit as the years before. That 2018 meant twelve more months of my heart getting broken all over again. I’d still be working at a coffee shop that I’d been at since uni and going out most nights to escape the inevitable heartache. Wondering when I’d finally be happy._

_Funny how things can turn around in a blink of an eye and that I can actually enjoy the festivities tonight. No longer have to put up a front that I’m okay and not falling apart. Spending time with my closest mates who I love dearly and ringing in the new year like I should've always done. I’m not leaving this time._

_Because I wouldn't want to be anywhere else._

_-L_

When Louis tapped the post button he felt satisfied and happy that he could share that with his most loyal followers. Mutuals that had stuck around this long even if he’d gone through periods of taking hiatuses every so often. Glad they could see that Louis hadn’t abandoned his blog entirely.

Oh god, no. 

_Bluevelvet_ was still and will always be his baby, his place where he could vent or express himself. No longer having to worry about someone trying to get dirt on him or make his life hell. It took him a while to feel comfortable again with his Tumblr, but everything's good now. 

Someone was pounding on the bathroom door. “Lou! I need to talk to you.” Liam shouted from the other side of the door. 

Great, what could Liam possibly want now? 

Louis sighed, pocketing his phone as he pushed himself away from the sink and then opened the door. “What, Liam?” 

His mate huffed, not even uttering out words or giving Louis time to protest because he grabbed Louis’ wrist and dragged him away. Seemed as if Niall and Liam had something in common because clearly dragging around Louis like a rag doll seemed to be their favourite pastime. 

They bypassed the crowd and Louis was led into Zayn and Liam’s bedroom, the door kicked shut behind them. 

But they weren’t alone, Niall, Donovan, and Harry were there too. 

What the hell was going on? 

“Okay lads I’ve got to make this quick before Zayn suspects anything,” Liam started to say as he finally let go of Louis’ wrist. “Just you’ve got to promise me you won’t say anything, not even a word. “

Louis, of course, was naturally curious and wondered what got his friend so up in arms about whatever it was he was hiding from his boyfriend.

“Of course, you’ve got our word, Li.” Niall promised, sounding sincere as he sat on the bed next to Donovan. The rest of them nodding to that to show Liam they could be trusted with whatever it was. 

The corners of Louis’ lips started to quirk upward when he felt weight against the small of his back. Harry was right beside him now, not breaking his touch. 

Liam blew out a short breath and glanced back at the door for a moment. He seemed anxious. 

“Well… get on with it.” Louis encouraged, already starting to feel eager for whatever was about to leave his friends mouth.

Liam had this warm glow in his eyes as he stared back at them quietly for a moment. “I’ve been thinking of doing this for well around a year now, contemplating if Zayn would even want it,” Liam started to explain, his voice slightly higher than normal. “I mean… I hope he does because I can’t picture it any other way and I just wanted to give my best to him. Make a promise to him that I’m not going anywhere even when times are tough. “

Louis had an inkling at what Liam was getting at and shit, it’s well overdue. Truly. Zayn would more than likely to combust on the spot. 

“I’m going to ask him to marry me on his birthday, and I thought you lads should know because you're are mates.” 

Zayn was definitely going to melt into a pile goo. 

Louis was happy for them. 

“Oh my god!” Niall screeched, nearly stumbling off the bed and pulled Liam into a hug. “It’s about damn time, Liam.”

Liam chuckled letting the embrace linger a little before he pulled away and smoothed out his top. “I know, right? We’ve been together for seven years.”

”Better late than never,” Harry chimed in, sounding joyful. “I’m sure he’ll be in tears when you pop the question.”

Louis beamed at the thought of Zayn crying out of happiness. He loved Liam a lot and had told Louis once in the past that maybe one day they’d get married. Well at least he hoped.

“So how do you plan to do it then?” Louis inquired, wanting to be a nosed bastard. “Please tell me it’s something remotely interesting.”

“Well, was thinking about I’d take him out to a nice dinner and go away somewhere for the night.” 

“How… cliche,” Louis teased, wanting to rib Liam a bit. “I mean how am I not unsurprised you go with with the most predictable thing.” 

Liam furrowed his brows and was about open his mouth until Louis waved him off. 

“I’m kidding, calm down, Liam.” Louis thought Zayn would love however it happened no matter what. “No need to get your knickers into a twist,” Louis chuckled at his own brilliance. Beaming when he hears Harry let out a subdued sort of laughter beside him. “I think it sounds lovely.” 

“If you need any help with anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” Harry added as Louis leaned into him a little more. 

“Thanks, lads.” Liam sounded relieved and let out a deep breath. “Should get back to the party before he finds us out.” and then Liam was gone in a matter of seconds. 

Niall and Donovan left hand in hand moments later, leaving behind Harry and Louis. Alone. 

Louis hated it when the hand on the small of his back fell off him, wanting it back. Yet, Louis loved it when that hand ghosted down his arm until it reached his own and laced their fingers together. Bringing it up and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of Louis’ hand. Just like Harry always seemed to do when he wanted to give Louis some sweet affection. 

“So I suppose that means you’ll be my date to their wedding when the time comes then?” Harry asked, with a hint of playfulness in there, pressing his lips against Louis' knuckles gently this time. 

“Well I’d hope so, or we may have a bit of problem,” Louis muttered out, watching their hands lowered between their bodies, still intertwined. “I don’t think you’d take kindly to the thought of me showing up on another man’s arm, would you?” 

Harry smirked, merriment dancing around in his eyes. Giving Louis hand a little bit of a squeeze. “Are you trying to say I’d be jealous?” 

“Well, duh.” 

“I mean as long as he wouldn’t kiss you, hold you, and keep his hands from wandering then I think it’d be okay.”

Louis beamed up at the beautiful boy and shook his head. Then cooed out, “Good thing you won’t have to worry about any of that, right?”

His heart fluttered when he felt the gentle press of Harry’s lips against his cheek this time and then hearing his sweet affirming words, “You’re such a little shit sometimes, but god, I love you too damn much.” 

And it never grew old to hear that, Louis heard them every day. Morning and night. Through the long weekdays and on the line whenever they were apart. Louis cherished each and every time Harry expressed his feeling to him. Every kiss and cuddle; stroke of his thumb against his cheek and a hand on the small of his back; fingers in his hair and love bites in conspicuous places. Louis wouldn’t have traded any of it for the world because Harry was the perfect package. The real deal and he’s proven that to him. 

Louis couldn’t even imagine what his life would be like if he’d stayed back in Doncaster for good and never came back.

After sharing a little peck on the lips they decided to join the party, after all, it’d be rude to just hang out for the remainder of the night in Liam’s bedroom. Not only that but it was New Year’s Eve for crying out loud and the night was still young. Louis wanted to drink. 

They found themselves back in the crowded living room, Harry had gone to go fetch them some drinks, while Louis chatted with Dylan, one of Liam and Harry’s colleagues. Hearing the man talk about his life story. Mostly about his love for animals and that he’s a single father. Which was nice to mingle with him and a few other people. Swallowing down his lite beer and enjoying the night's playlist. Harry had disappeared at some point which had been Liam’s doing. Louis had almost went for another beer at some point, but decided against it when he got caught up in another conversation with a woman that had far too much to drink. Something about a dog and her sister. 

But other than conversing with the guest list, it was nice. Zayn and Liam as per usual outdid themselves. The table that had been laden with various beautifully done cupcakes, biscuits, and brownies had been a hit. Mostly demolished an hour before midnight. Louis may or may not had smuggled two cupcakes and chowed them down as he sat on Zayn’s sofa beside a couple drunkenly snogging. Pff and it wasn’t even midnight yet. 

Even as the time seemed to slowly tick away he had a moment to enjoy the moment. He found Niall and Donovan in the crowd, leaning against a wall and standing awfully close. Don was whispering in Niall’s ear, and there's a possessive hand on his waist. Niall’s just nodding to whatever was said. It had always been lovely to see Niall happy and not worrying about trivial matters. Living in the moment and dating the man of his dreams. Louis liked Donovan a lot and thought no one could’ve been better for Niall. 

And you know over time when Louis decided not to move back to Donny and stayed here in Liverpool, Niall had been home even less. Staying at his boyfriend's when they worked together or went out on dates. Donovan slept over every now and again, and Louis never minded. Didn’t care if he walked in on them mid-snog or other things. Just pretended he didn’t see anything and was on his way. Giving back to Niall what he did to him. 

But maybe that’s because Louis had been too wrapped up into his own life. Finding himself a new job as the receptionist at the barber shop Zayn worked for and so far it wasn’t too bad. Definitely beat being stuck in a smelly coffee shop all day. Other than that, he hadn’t heard from Sean since that day he stormed out of the flat. Louis didn’t have any regrets though, he was grateful for the way things turned out. His mum was fine with him staying in Liverpool and was just glad to hear things had been resolved. More so overjoyed that Harry had returned his feelings. But she never pried into anything and let them figure things out. Didn’t tell his sisters until Louis was ready to share with the girls the news. Needless to say, they were pretty damn excited when Louis filled them in a month ago. But he still went home to visit when he could, sometimes Harry would tag along. Sometimes he’d go with Harry to Anne’s. Vice versa. Which Harry’s mum was ecstatic and over the moon when she too found out, told Louis that she couldn’t have thought of anyone more perfect for her son, throwing in that _what they had was special_. 

Gemma was a whole different story, she wasn’t shocked. More so just glad they finally talked and realized what was in front of them. That it was so blatantly obvious and they were too damn stubborn. Terrible at communicating and misconstruing things. Just giving them shit but in a teasing way. She too had given them her blessing which was a reassuring.

Everyone in their life that meant the world to them was okay with it, and that meant so much to Louis. 

Because he doesn’t think even if they were against it, he would’ve stayed away. Harry had his heart whether anyone liked it or not. 

One of the best boys he had ever been with. 

At some point during the last half hour before the countdown began, Louis had his parka thrown into his lap. Zayn standing in front on his with a coat on and yelled over over the music, “Come one, Lou!”

Louis sighed, of course, can’t even enjoy the rest of his drink. But he gives in and stands to his feet when Zayn was already treading off through the crowd. Louis was quick to pull on his anorak and followed after his mate, not liking the thought of the frosty night air the moment he steps foot onto the balcony. 

But he goes regardless. 

He sidled up to his friend whose already lighting up a cigarette, taking a drag. It was much quieter out here, and that was okay. A little too chilly for Louis’ liking, almost wishing he had a thicker coat on. But whatever, hopefully, Zayn didn’t take his sweet time smoking since that’s something he loved to do from time to time. 

“So, you are you stay after tonight or are you and Harry going back to yours?” Zayn questioned, blowing a cloud of smoke into the nippy air. 

It was snowing out, not heavily, but more like a dusting. The car park below was blanketed in snow already, and the railing of the terrace was freezing against Louis’ fingers. He knew he should’ve brought his gloves. It was always inevitable accompanying Zayn for a smoke in these dreary winter months. 

“Might head back, don’t know yet,” Louis wasn't sure what Harry would be up for. ”Depends how we’re feeling I guess.” 

Zayn brought his cigarette to his mouth and took another hit, and it was silent for a moment. Louis shivered when he felt a frigid gust brush against his skin. _Fuck_ , he hated winter. 

“Meaning if you’re up to getting laid that is,” Zayn snickered, thinking he was so hilarious in this moment. “I mean you both could crash in the guest room, I don’t care.” 

“I think Niall and Don already called dibs the moment they got here, actually,” Louis reasoned, the thought of having the flat to themselves sounded splendid. “Besides it’d be nice to have a bit of privacy.” 

“Wouldn't be surprised, those two can’t keep it in their trousers.” 

Louis chuckled, already starting to shiver when he feels the coolness already starting to seep through his coat. God, Zayn needed to hurry the hell up. 

It fell silent between them for a moment, Zayn worked at his cigarette and Louis glanced up to the night sky. Letting out a small breath as he pulled his hands off the railing and tucked them into his pockets. His fingers were freezing. Thinking about how in a matter of day’s Zayn’s life was about to change.

How so much had changed this past year for the better. 

“So, “ Zayn said idly, taking another puff of his cigarette. “Have you guys talked about it yet?”

Louis knew exactly what Zayn was getting at, what he wanted to know that everyone else did. If Harry and him had finally put a label on what they were. Not that he could blame his mate. After all, it’s been three months of them canoodling. 

But they wanted to keep it on the low and just enjoy each other before sharing it with the world. Played it coy whenever Liam or Zayn would try to pry for answers. Niall never bothers them thank fuck. Swerved the conversation in another direction whenever Gemma or Louis’ sisters started to bring up their situation. Even with their mums, they tried to get something, _anything_ from them on what was going on. Yet, they all never tried to overstep their boundaries and just let Harry and Louis enjoy each other.

Letting them ease themselves into whatever normal was for them. 

He could feel Zayn's gaze burning on him and heat slowly crept up to Louis' cheeks. Stared back at his friend and uttered out, “If you must know since you won’t be satisfied until you do, then yes, we've discussed it,” 

Zayn tossed his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out, there was a ghost of a smile on his lips. “And?” 

“And, what?” Louis decided to drag his feet a little, make his friend sweat playfully so. 

“You know what I meant.” 

“Do I?” Louis quipped, folding his arms against his chest. He was starting to feel like an icicle right about now. 

Zayn just stares at Louis, leaning against the railing. Snow catching onto his dark hair. It was always fun to make Zayn suffer in silence when it came to being a nosey bastard.

“Okay… Okay fine, yes we’re dating,” Louis could already feel his heart swelling even saying that aloud. The fact that Louis could call Harry his boyfriend and best mate was a wonderful thing. Lovely combination Louis would say so himself. “Happy?”

“I’m happy that _your_ happy.” Zayn said softly, and that made Louis feel all warm inside. Loved by one of his closest mates.

“And here I thought my boyfriend was the sap.” Louis snickered, it was fucking amazing that he even had the honour to call Harry that. His _sweet_ , darling boy.

Silence lingered between them again, and it was a comfortable one. You could hear the faint sounds of the music blaring through the flat outside. Louis wondered how much longer until it was midnight. 

“Anyway,” Zayn paused for a moment, pulling out his mobile for a split second before he pocketed it. “Does anyone else know?” 

Louis’ feet were starting to get cold. Yet, Zayn wasn’t finished interrogating him on his relationship with Harry. Nothing new. 

“Not yet,” Louis replied. Harry and him were actually going to tell their mothers this Saturday over lunch. You know do it a little more formally then over the line. “But you can tell Liam if you want.” 

Zayn raised one his brows, his gaze suddenly focused. “What about Niall?” 

“I think he already knows.” 

It wouldn’t be shocking, honestly. Niall knew about them when they were friends with benefits. Hell, he even picked up on Louis’ feelings for Harry. So, obviously, he’d have to know that their dating, right? 

They live under the same roof and the way Louis is being with Harry most of the time should be a dead give away. But then again, Niall wasn’t one to pry and push. Just let them do their thing and be supportive of whatever they decided to do. 

And that was just fine. 

The conversation died between them after that when the sound of the balcony door sliding open. Louis heard the bustle of arty going on inside the flat, they were probably all getting antsy for the countdown. Finding someone to kiss at midnight or just eager for 2019 to get here already. You could hear the faint sound of the _Heaven_ by _Warrant_ over the loud chatter and laughter. That had his boyfriend’s name written all over it, certain he talked Liam into playing some songs to mash up the playlist a bit. 

But Louis didn’t mind. 

Zayn pushed himself off the railing and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Well, think I‘m gonna go find Li, now.” Zayn muttered out, giving Louis a small smile before he walked past him, the door sliding shut once again. 

Then Harry was stood in front of him, blocking his view of the dark winter sky. 

“Cold?” 

“A bit, ”Louis' arms fell slack at his sides, letting out an easy breath that clouded in the air between them when he felt Harry thumbing over his wrist. Liking the way how gentle and delicate his boyfriend was with him. “But ‘m sure you could fix that.” 

“Is that so?” Harry jested, tilting his head a little, fond swimming in his eyes. 

“Mhm,” Louis hummed, leaning up as he wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, and pressed their lips together. Soft and chaste. Wanting a kiss and doing so because he could. Feeling euphoric at the way Harry returns his kiss and the hand resting on his hip. The closeness was everything Louis wanted in this moment. 

He felt warm inside. 

Then the kiss broke, and Louis dropped his hands off his love's body. As much as he loved kissing Harry, he wasn’t up to giving the party back inside a show. Wanting to keep those intimate moments for themselves and no one else. 

“I told Zayn.” Louis crooned out, trembling at the rush of cold air on his cheeks. He felt himself pulled in a little closer and decided to rest one of his hands on his boyfriend’s chest. Fingers toying with the collar of his peacoat. 

“Figure you would,” Harry said lightly, the other hand that wasn’t on Louis came up and rearranged his fringe. Pushing it off his forehead a little. “Don't care though, because no matter what anyone says I’m not going anywhere.” 

Louis breaks into a grin, his heart already starting to hammer away in his chest. Reassuring and lovely to hear his boyfriend say that. 

“Good thing it’s mutual.” Louis whispered out, “Or else ‘m not giving you back your shirts again.” 

Harry had brought the _Poison_ and _Def Leppard_ shirts back into Louis’ possession a little over two and a half months ago. He admitted that he’d rather see Louis wearing them. They looked much better on him. Admitting that he liked the idea of seeing Louis in his clothes and not just because it was a ‘turn on’ like most guys say, but because Harry felt a closeness with Louis. 

And so did Louis when saw Harry in his pink jumper that hadn’t seen the light of day in years a few days ago. It was a bit snug, but he looked cute. Louis let him keep it. 

“I think we’ve already decided long ago those are yours to keep, baby,” Harry cooed out, it was still pleasing to the ears to hear that. “Then again… you do tend to steal my clothes.” 

Louis rolled his eyes, but he had a smile dancing around the corners of his lips to show he was being playful. Keeping it light between them. Just like he always did when he wanted to be a bit mischievous.

“I like wearing your things because they’re cozy,” Louis fingers no longer toyed with the collar, but he didn’t move it. His hand was freezing, and yet, he wanted to touch his boyfriend. Feel a little closer to him. “And because they smell like you.” 

The corners of Harry’s lips slid upward a little, he had fondness sitting on his face. His stupidly gorgeous face. Louis wanted to kiss him again, and yet he doesn’t get the privilege because Harry decided to say something. 

“How did I get so lucky?” 

Louis’s pulse started to race and his knees weak because _this boy_ , his darling love was going to make his heart melt. Harry always seemed to know what to say to make Louis want to swoon. From sweet nothings whispered to him during a cuddle to the affection he received. The intimate moments and little gestures that meant so much to Louis. Small acts of love that he didn't take for granted. Whether it was affirming words, Louis needed after a long day at work or giving him back rubs here and there. The surprise dates to their favourite little cafe on the outskirts of the city and even holding his hand. Kissing it sweetly because he knows it did something to Louis inside. 

If anyone had any sort of prosperity, it was himself. 

Niall wasn’t wrong when he consoled Louis that night he snuggled up to him and reassured him that one day he’ll find happiness in a relationship. Loved by someone that would protect and care for him in the most loving way. Be the kindest and easiest on his heart, someone that deserved it. 

And Louis had never felt so secure in a relationship before and couldn't imagine himself with anyone else.

“Love you.” Louis’ words were soft, and the noises coming from inside were getting a little heavier. Midnight must be soon then. 

Louis let out an easy breath when the hand on his hip was gone, touching the zipper to his parka and undid it completely. If Louis hadn’t been blocked from the gusty chill in the air and didn't have this beacon of heat in front of him, he would’ve been cross with Harry, no doubt. Because he should know better.

Yet, when he feels Harry’s hand slip inside his parka and goes up the back of his top, he felt at ease. Harry’s palm was cool against his skin, but he didn’t care. Just leaned in a little more to him and captured his mouth with his when roars of cheer erupted through the flat. 

Louis lingered on Harry’s lips a little longer as the noise died out slowly. Moving their mouths together slowly. 

Harry was the one to break the kiss, and he breathed out, “And I love you, very much.” 

It fell silent between them for a moment, their gaze still on each other, and it serene. Louis thought he could stay here all night. 

“So, I suppose you still don’t have a resolution, then?” Harry asked teasingly, pulling Louis in a little closer to him. 

Louis scoffed. “We go over this every year, of course, I don’t.” 

Harry had this mischievous glint in his eyes, and a ghost of a smile touched his lips. Snow caught on his curls. Pink cheeked and Louis could feel his love starting to tremble against him. Harry was cold, and yet not budging from his spot. Like he wanted to keep these tender moments between Louis and him. Away from the buzzing crowd that was slowly filtering out as the party wears on. Away from it all. 

“But you know, I don’t have one myself this year,” Harry admitted, his voice subdued. “Every year I had the same goal, to work up the courage to tell you how I felt.”. 

Louis had always wondered what Harry had strived for because he’d always deflect the conversation. Never gotten a straight answer.

“Now that I‘ve gotten you here in my arms, there’s nothing more that I could want.” Harry words hit Louis right in the feels. Heart fluttering and tears wanting to shimmer in his eyes because that was heartfelt. 

Louis nestled his head into the crook of his love's neck and closed his eyes. Wrapping his other arm around Harry’s waist and just stayed here with him. Not caring if their conversation died out or that none one of their mates had come out and pestered them to help clear out the flat yet. Not even asking Harry if he was excited about the new year. Just wanting to enjoy the moment for a little while. 

And as they stand here together, Louis thinks back to last year and how he thought his life was going nowhere. That he’d still be working the same job and still no car. Single as ever and watching Harry be with someone that wasn’t him. 

But you know, over the past twelve months Louis’ life had been a roller coaster of emotions. Admitting to his mum that he had feelings for Harry, repairing his friendship with Harry, and his world crumbling down the day his blog had been brought to light. The road holiday that had many conflicting feelings regarding it and all the other warm hearted moments between Harry and him. The late night cuddles and attentiveness. Admitting how they felt for one another after all this time and eventually falling into a relationship. 

If you told Louis when he was at the pub, solemnly drinking his lite beer last year that he’d be the happiest he’d ever been, Louis would’ve bitterly laughed. Chugged down the rest of his drink and left. Wondering how he could even feel such a thing when someone else had gotten everything he wanted.

But this time around there wasn’t going to be any sulking or protesting parties, downhearted over the way things were going for him. Hiding behind a false facade to put on a show for everyone else that he was okay. 

Louis felt back to life, and as far as he’s concerned, he was looking forward to what the year ahead brought his way. 

Because he had a feeling that it was going to be a good one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to reblog my post for this fic here is the link:  
> https://peachypetalhazz.tumblr.com/post/177992123302/inevitable-by-etoilenoire-explicit-1717
> 
> Also if you want to reach me on tumblr, it's @peachypetalhazz
> 
>  
> 
> ♡ 
> 
> Hopefully this brought some shine to your day..


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